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A guide to overcoming loneliness during the holidays

<div> Navigating the holiday season during adulthood isn’t always smooth sailing. Often, the arrival of the festive period can bring with it a sense of loneliness. Whether it’s being away from family or missing out on celebrations, the holiday blues can be hard to shake and for many, the significance of togetherness during the holidays can accentuate feelings of isolation or detachment. </div> <div> Offering her insight on how to overcome these emotions, Jacqui Manning, resident psychologist at Connected Women, an organisation that facilitates friendships for women over 50 shares her top tips to help you enjoy a more connected and fulfilling holiday season. </div> <div> Acknowledge Your Feelings “It’s ok to admit that you feel lonely. In fact, it’s the first step to overcoming and accepting these feelings,” explains Jacqui. “Christmas is traditionally a time that is associated with togetherness and so recognising your emotions is the foundation for developing effective coping strategies. Reach out to the friends you do have, family or support groups and let them know you might need extra support during this time. You should also invest in your mental wellbeing, either by incorporating mindfulness techniques to help break any negative thoughts or creating a mindset of gratitude by reflecting on the positive aspects of your life. Both these techniques can shift your focus towards positivity.” </div> <div> Invest in Yourself If you’re feeling down, Jacqui suggests prioritising self-care. “Investing in yourself is an act of self-love and resilience. It shifts the focus from external pressures to internal fulfilment, fostering a deep sense of empowerment. This approach is particularly valuable during the holidays, as it allows you to create a positive and nurturing environment for yourself.” Find New Connections Prevention plays an essential role in mitigating the risks of social isolation before they take hold. When it comes to combating loneliness, it’s all about identifying the connections you might be missing and actively seeking ways to build them. Jacqui explains, “In the modern-day era that we are in, recognising the potential of technology is vital. If you don’t have anyone nearby, dive into the online world to explore nearby community meetups or virtual events; I assure you, you’ll discover something that aligns with your interests, and you'll find others who are in a similar situation to you,” Jacqui concludes. </div> <div> “Whether you want to relax in a bubble bath, use the holiday season as an opportunity to discover a new hobby or simply spend more time outdoors to connect with nature, remember that these intentional acts of self-investment are gifts to your own well-being. Taking time for yourself is not only a deserved treat but a crucial element of maintaining balance and happiness.” <div title="Page 2"> As the festivities draw near, it’s essential to tune in to your own needs, invest in self-care and actively seek connection, whether with new or pre-existing relations. These steps will not only contribute to your well-being but also serve to enrich and elevate your experience throughout the festive season. About Connected Women Phoebe Adams is the co-founder of Connected Women, an organisation providing a community for women over 50 to connect and build meaningful friendships. With a rapidly growing community in Perth, Sydney, Wollongong, Melbourne and Geelong, Connected Women provides a safe and welcoming space for women to come together and share experiences. To learn more about the organisation and how you can get involved, visit <a href="https://www.connectedwomen.net" target="_blank" rel="noopener">connectedwomen.net</a>. Image credits: Getty Images </div> </div>

Family & Pets

Pilot’s holy grail tips to overcome your fear of flying

A US pilot has shared her five top tips to help nervous travellers ease their pre-flight anxiety. The 32-year-old captain said there are a few things passengers can do, such as picking the perfect time to fly and selecting your seat carefully, to make air travel a breeze. The Boeing 737 pilot who calls herself “Captain Morgan”, said anxious travellers should always book a seat in the front of the plane. “Try to sit more towards the front of the plane,” Morgan said in a TikTok video. “You’ll feel the effects of turbulence less if you sit over the wing or towards the front.” She also said that flying early in the morning is bound to make a flight easier. “There’s usually less turbulence and airports and airplanes are less crowded, which gives you more personal space,” she said. For solo travellers, Morgan suggested a no-brainer way to distract yourself in the air. “If you can’t fly with a family member or friend, have someone on the ground you can text. Most planes have free texting. You’ll have someone for moral support and they can distract you from flying,” she said. “You can turn your phone to Airplane Mode but turn on the Wi-Fi. Then you text over the Wi-Fi with either iMessage or WhatsApp for free.” Morgan said you can mentally prepare yourself for what to expect by “learning the sounds the plane makes”. “Familiarise yourself with the sounds of the airplane,” she said. “For example, when you’re getting close to landing at the airport, the thud you hear is usually just the landing gear coming down.” Morgan said her number one tip for anxious flyers is to “introduce yourself to the flight crew”. “If the flight attendants know you’re nervous, they can check on you more during the flight,” she said. “If you go talk to the pilots, they can tell you a bit more about the flight. For example, if we are expecting any turbulence. Just ask the flight attendant in the galley if you can meet and talk to the pilots. It might not be a long conversation but we can still chat.” She added, “More than likely we will give you a tour of the flight deck and answer all your questions.” Image credits: TikTok

Travel Tips

How to overcome the ‘Sunday scaries,’ according to a therapist

How to overcome your Sunday scaries According to an Australian Institute of Health and Welfare report, most Australians are working longer hours – spending more time on the job than on their household activities, caring for family, education, meals, personal care and leisure combined. If this grind sounds familiar, you probably don’t need scientific data to tell you how much Mondays can suck (though back in 2011, University of Vermont researchers used Twitter data to confirm indeed, we all hate. Mondays the most). In recent years, these Monday blues have crept into our off-the-clock hours, too: a phenomenon that’s increasingly coming to be known as the ‘Sunday scaries.’ Five reasons this ‘anticipatory anxiety’ happens “The Sunday scaries is an overwhelming feeling of dread and anxiety about going to work or school the next day,” says clinical psychologist, Dr Renée L. Goff. Depending on your schedule, this anxiety doesn’t necessarily have to hit on a Sunday, but whenever you’re spending what’s meant to be personal time stressing about upcoming work. And what do the Sunday scaries feel like? “Some people describe it as a heaviness they can feel in their body, while others feel so jittery they could jump out of their skin,” Dr Goff says. “You’re also very aware of the time ticking away and the freedom of your weekend coming to a close.” It’s also extremely common. Based on different polls, 75 to 80 per cent of people experience the Sunday scaries, says therapist Amanda Stemen. But just because it’s widespread doesn’t mean it’s not manageable. Here’s how experts say you can ease your Sunday anxiety. Structure your Sunday “Structure can be a best friend when [you’re] feeling the Sunday scaries,” says psychotherapist, Angela Ficken. “Instead of sitting on the couch and watching the clock, go do something that you enjoy.” You might still get whiffs of that sense of dread, but that feeling is harder to hold onto when you are engaging in something that makes you feel good, she says. Plus, research tells us that adding structure to our days can help give us a greater sense of control and improve mental health. That’s why it’s not just important to structure your Sundays, but to be consistent with it, Ficken says. Don’t forget to relax The Australian Government Department of Health data shows just how little time we have during the week to tend to non-work activities – but when you’re planning out your Sunday, try not to cram in too many errands and chores. If you’re feeling more stress in general, it’s important to make space for relaxing activities in your Sunday plan to ground yourself, says marriage and family therapist Naiylah Warren. And there’s no right way to relax. “Maybe a body scan meditation, maybe a mid-afternoon shower or bath, maybe an engaging movie or show,” Warren says. “[Whatever] feels like a helpful distraction to reground from the scaries.” Pinpoint anxiety sources behind the Sunday scaries Anxiety is a normal human experience, and one of the main ways to manage it is to identify your personal triggers. “Try to pinpoint what is really causing you to dread the week,” Dr Goff says. “Is it a deadline, meeting or presentation?” Even if there’s not a sole reason behind your Sunday anxiety, organising the stress you expect from the week ahead into bite-size chunks can help make it all more manageable. “Create multiple to-do lists,” Dr Goff recommends. One list for tasks that need to be completed immediately, another for tasks that are less urgent, and a final list for tasks that you’d like to complete at some point. “Seeing these can help put into perspective what is important and what you can let go of for now,” she says. “This can help decrease the anticipation of the stress and dread of the week.” Create some excitement for the week ahead Getting rid of the Sunday scaries isn’t just about tempering the doom-and-gloom of the week ahead, either. “Having something to look forward to also gives you something to think about that’s pleasing rather than only focusing on the dread you feel,” Ficken says. It’s a form of reframing your thoughts: instead of focusing on the awful things you expect from the week, build excitement over a coffee or lunch date with a friend you’ve been meaning to catch up with. “This gives you the opportunity to shift your thoughts to something fun and will help improve your mood.” End your Sunday with the right energy Whether you want glowing skin, a sounder sleep or a mental health boost, a great nighttime routine can come with major health benefits. But if you suffer from the Sunday scaries, you may want to build a special routine for these more anxiety-ridden evenings, Warren says. “This is an opportunity to give yourself proper wind-down time – maybe you want to journal, do a face mask, read a few pages of your book – allow yourself to decompress so you can feel empowered and confident you’ll be ready for the next day,” she says. And do your best to honour this “you” time. That means, when possible, make Sunday night about your self-care – and leave the work emails for Monday morning. Written by Leslie Finlay. This article first appeared in <a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/healthsmart/conditions/mental-health/how-to-overcome-the-sunday-scaries-according-to-a-therapist" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader’s Digest</a>. For more of what you love from the world’s best-loved magazine, <a href="http://readersdigest.innovations.com.au/c/readersdigestemailsubscribe?utm_source=over60&utm_medium=articles&utm_campaign=RDSUB&keycode=WRA87V" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here’s our best subscription offer.</a> Image: Getty Images

Mind

Readers Respond: What was one struggle you had with your newborn and how did you overcome it?

Though they may be bundles of joys, caring for newborns also comes with plenty of struggles, including sleepless nights, difficulties with breastfeeding, crying, and bouts of colic. When we asked about the struggles of looking after your newborn, here’s what you had to say. Rosemary Moreland - My youngest had no idea about breastfeeding. It took a month of dedication to the art before he caught on. Moira Thurgood - My second babe cried continuously for ten months. I just had to be patient and hope things would improve. Christine Veitch - My first baby would scream and hold her breath with wind pain (when) I was breastfeeding her. I stopped eating peas and her wind went away. Mick Gilbert - Colic, she eventually grew out of it nine months later… Marianne Prendergast - Colic with the first, eczema with the second, can’t remember if there was anything with the other two. Lizze Bartlett - She didn’t sleep much and the longest would be an hour and a half. Dan Robinson - My son had colic for 14 months and all you could do is hold him. Then he got quiet. It was a nightmare but my other two boys were great. To read what else you said, head <a href="https://www.facebook.com/oversixtyNZ/posts/pfbid0NA58pWtU6rh4zU4i1ok3GFXYUPMjUMcESbHDxFpr3WfhwaAiNJMb4HdAC51yvNMQl" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a>. Image: Getty Images

Caring

Solar curtailment is emerging as a new challenge to overcome as Australia dashes for rooftop solar

Almost <a href="https://www.smh.com.au/environment/climate-change/australia-reaches-3-million-households-with-rooftop-solar-20211108-p59721.html">a third</a> of Australia’s estimated <a href="https://www.ibisworld.com/au/bed/number-of-households/31/">ten million households</a> now have solar on the roof. But as the nation moving fastest to produce energy on our homes, we are also encountering teething problems, such as “curtailment” of output. This issue will be one we have to overcome as ever more Australians install solar. Our grids were designed primarily for large fossil fuel power stations transmitting electricity in one direction, while solar households both consume and export power. That means in some conditions, household solar may contribute to spikes in voltage levels outside of the acceptable range, especially as voltage levels are typically already high. To counter this, your solar system can stop exporting to the grid or even shut down temporarily if voltage levels are too high. This is called “curtailment”. <a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/436513/original/file-20211209-21-qfm0ve.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/436513/original/file-20211209-21-qfm0ve.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" alt="Solar technicians installing panels" /></a> The rush for solar shows no signs of slowing – but curtailment could be a stumbling block. Shutterstock <h2>So what’s the issue?</h2> The average solar household lose less than 1% of its power production to curtailment – and even less for those with home batteries. While that sounds minor, an unlucky few households are losing as much as 20%. Why the drastic difference? It depends on factors like the house’s location, the local electricity network equipment, home wiring, the number of solar systems in the area, and the size of a solar system and inverter settings, which can vary depending on the date of installation. These findings are from <a href="https://www.racefor2030.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/CANVAS-Succinct-Final-Report_11.11.21.pdf">our scoping study</a> in South Australia, conducted in partnership with AGL, SA Power Networks and Solar Analytics as part of the <a href="https://www.racefor2030.com.au/">RACE for 2030</a> research centre. We analysed two out of three modes of automatic curtailment, with further research underway to assess the third mode, which may account for greater overall curtailment. This issue is set to get bigger, as more and more solar systems are installed and export to the grid at the same time. Given the different ways solar households experience curtailment, this research also raises issues of fairness. Our research interviewed and ran focus groups with South Australians who have solar. We found most participants didn’t know about curtailment and hadn’t experienced it or noticed it. But when we described curtailment, most people found it off-putting and questioned whether rooftop solar owners should be made to absorb any losses, given the contribution of rooftop solar to the renewable energy transition. Not only that, our participants told us they believed the issue could slow down the adoption of solar and potentially undermine faith in the system. <a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/436514/original/file-20211209-19-azcfvo.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/436514/original/file-20211209-19-azcfvo.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" alt="Power pylons" /></a> Australia’s rapid renewable transition means challenges to overcome for the grid. Shutterstock <h2>Is this a problem for solar uptake?</h2> The issue of curtailment means people may not get everything they expect out of their solar system. But this may not be a deal breaker, given <a href="https://ecss.energyconsumersaustralia.com.au/behaviour-survey-oct-2021/purchase-intentions/">earlier research</a> and our study both show that people hope to benefit in many different ways from installing a solar system. For instance, some want to reduce their reliance on fossil fuels and contribute to a cleaner grid. Others want to be less reliant on electricity providers and enjoy producing and using their own energy. And some just want cheaper electricity, and don’t mind whether they get these savings through selling their power or just buying less of what they need from the grid. The good news is that as the solar sector matures, new ways are emerging of maximising value from our solar, including: <ul> <li>home energy management systems letting us time the use of appliances such as <a href="https://www.pv-magazine-australia.com/2021/09/06/unsw-study-channelling-rooftop-pv-into-water-heating-is-a-residential-super-saver/">hot water tanks</a> for daytime periods, when solar generates most power</li> <li>batteries letting us store power for use in the home when it is needed, such as in the evening</li> <li><a href="https://www.solarpowerworldonline.com/2017/09/virtual-power-plant/">virtual power plants</a> enabling households to be paid for allowing their solar and battery systems to help stabilise the electricity grid.</li> </ul> While attractive in their own right, these options can also reduce how much your solar system is curtailed, and have the potential to help tackle challenges at a grid scale. Other changes to electricity and grid access and pricing could also help us better manage curtailment. <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-04-15/sa-power-networks-to-control-solar-exports-in-adelaide-trial/100070068">Flexible export limits</a> being trialled in South Australia and elsewhere would mean households could export electricity to the grid when it is needed, while occasionally being prevented from doing so when the network does not have capacity. Flexible export limits also mean households can install larger solar systems regardless of their location within the network. They could stop curtailment affecting solar households in unexpected and uneven ways. Other responses include <a href="https://discover.agl.com.au/solar/helping-to-maximise-your-solar-savings/">programs to reward households</a> for having their export curtailed, recognising it as a service to the market and the network. There is no single solution to the issue of curtailment. But the different solutions described above may contribute to the successful integration of more rooftop solar energy and pave the way for a more renewable grid. Now is the time to talk about the future of solar in Australia, and the ways we can value it, use it and manage it when abundant.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/172152/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/sophie-adams-1203744">Sophie Adams</a>, Research Fellow, School of Humanities and Languages, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/unsw-1414">UNSW</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/baran-yildiz-1259582">Baran Yildiz</a>, Senior Research Associate, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/unsw-1414">UNSW</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/naomi-stringer-1296976">Naomi Stringer</a>, Research Associate, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/unsw-1414">UNSW</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/shanil-samarakoon-1295900">Shanil Samarakoon</a>, Lecturer, Centre for Social Impact, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/unsw-1414">UNSW</a> This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/solar-curtailment-is-emerging-as-a-new-challenge-to-overcome-as-australia-dashes-for-rooftop-solar-172152">original article</a>. Image: Shutterstock

Home Hints & Tips

Ways for overcoming the blues

As we move through life, we will all eventually face challenges that will test our ability to cope and thrive. Empty nesters may take some time to adjust to a smaller, quieter household. Couples may go through relationship upheavals, such as divorce or remarriage. Perhaps the shift from working life into retirement can challenge your self-worth or sense of purpose. At the extreme end of the scale, the loss of a spouse or someone close to you can be a shattering experience that you many find difficult to move on from. It’s not until you are actually in the midst of such situations that you will know how you will react. So what can you do if you find yourself on a downward spiral? Manage your self-expectations Self-esteem and motivation are notoriously fickle aspects of human nature. Once they are seriously dented, it can test our will, sap our energy and create a cycle of disappointment about not being able to achieve or ‘perform to our usual standards’. The first step to combating this is to give yourself a break and set goals that are a little easier to achieve. Focus on making small wins on even the most trivial of everyday tasks to give yourself a chance to get momentum. Speaking to someone, such as a family member, friends or a professional can be helpful when feeling down. You should never feel that you are alone. Moving on from trauma If you are struggling with a loss and with the challenge of re-adjusting your life, it’s important to look for new connections and interests that will re-activate and stimulate your sense of purpose. Taking a cooking or fitness class, joining a bushwalking or reading club, looking for opportunities to volunteer or use your skills to help others – such activities may be the kick start you need to form new relationships and new goals in life. Ask for help Perhaps most importantly, you should never feel that you need to face such challenges alone. If things degenerate into depression, then professional help is essential. Sharing and confiding in friends and relatives can also be important in helping you crystallise your feelings and gain moral support. If you need further ideas on what to do or how to get assistance, here are some useful resources: <a href="http://www.beyondblue.org.au">Beyondblue.org.au</a> <a href="http://www.lifeline.org.au">Lifeline.org.au</a> <a href="http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au">Blackdoginstitute.org.au</a> <a href="http://www.mensline.org.au">Mensline.org.au</a> Written by Tom Raeside. Republished with permission of <a href="https://www.wyza.com.au/articles/health/top-tips-for-overcoming-the-blues.aspx">Wyza.com.au.</a>

Caring

How to overcome 3 common barriers to mature age employment

<a href="https://www.smh.com.au/money/super-and-retirement/welcome-to-the-minefield-that-is-21st-century-retirement-20190409-p51c98.html">Retirement isn’t for everyone</a>. Growing numbers of Australians have consciously decided to <a href="https://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/victoria/australians-delaying-age-of-retirement-working-longer/news-story/3fa00e382d5dc98a804a99536535505e">continue working</a>, although they are old enough to retire Some realise they are <a href="https://www.smh.com.au/business/workplace/too-poor-to-retire-more-australians-than-ever-will-work-past-70-20160408-go1ubf.html">too poor to retire</a>. Some have retired, but have become bored with the retired lifestyle. They’ve decided to come out of retirement and return to work. Some seniors are facing obstacles to continued employment after retirement age, despite the fact that experts have documented how older workers could significantly <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/finance/retirement-income/older-workforce-could-boost-australia-economy/">boost Australia’s economy</a>. Common <a href="https://nationalseniors.com.au/uploads/201208_PACReport_Research_BarriersMatureAgeEmployment_Full_1.pdf">barriers to mature age employment</a> include the following: <ul> <li> Illness, Injury and Disability</li> <li> Outdated Skills</li> <li> Age Discrimination</li> </ul> Let’s discuss solutions for these common problems senior Australians face as they seek to remain in the workforce. How to prevent a disability that could keep you from working <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/health/body/back-pain-explained/">Lower back pain</a> is one of the most prominent <a href="https://www.woombyechiro.com.au/single-post/2017/05/18/Lower-Back-Pain---top-causes-of-Disability">causes of disability</a> in Australia. According to <a href="https://physioworks.com.au/Injuries-Conditions/Regions/lower_back_pain">J. Miller and Z. Russell at Physioworks</a>, lower back pain is one of the most frequent reasons Australians miss work or seek a doctor’s care. So educating yourself about how to prevent lower back injuries is one step you can take to empower yourself to remain in the workforce longer. We’ve posted a helpful list of things you can do to <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/health/body/beat-lower-back-pain/">prevent lower back pain</a>. Familiarizing yourself with the items on this list, and implementing these suggestions, could help you to prevent serious lower back injury. Researchers have determined that people who stick to a regular exercise programme endure less back pain. In general, regular exercise is an important key to <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12424867">preventing and treating</a> a broad variety of injuries and disabilities. If your goal is to continue working past retirement age, it is essential for you to implement and adhere to an <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/retirement-life/the-exercises-you-need-to-do-to-stay-fit-over-60">exercise programme</a> that includes aerobic activity, strength training, and balance building exercises. If you’ve previously been sedentary, it’s wise to speak with your GP about this. Your GP is well equipped to advise you on how to incorporate a selection of proper exercises into your daily routine. How to overcome outdated skills <a href="https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2018/01/the-secret-to-lifelong-success-is-lifelong-learning">“Lifelong learning”</a> has become one of the most vital buzzword phrases of the <a href="https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2019/03/continuous-learning-changing-world-work/">fourth industrial revolution</a>. In the past, it was standard for people to gain education in childhood and young adulthood. Then, later in adulthood, people applied what they’d studied as they pursued careers where that education could be put to good use. Experts at the World Economic Forum are warning us that this clear-cut transition from academic life to work life is fading. This is because shifting technologies are now creating constant demand for workers to acquire new skills. This, in turn, is making old skills obsolete at a rapid pace. Nowadays, what you know is becoming less relevant to remaining employable than ever before – because in the current technologically driven environment, much of what you know will inevitably become outdated soon. Today, your capacity to learn new skills is a critical key to remaining employable. Formal training is the most straightforward way to acquire the skills you may need for continuing to be employable. <a href="https://www.training.com.au/">College and university courses</a> are available for every type of instruction you could possibly desire. This could be an especially beneficial option for you if you never earned a university degree in the first place. Some other possible ideas for <a href="https://www.hays.com.au/blog/jane-mcneill/HAYS_1380884">upskilling</a> include participating in webinars, listening to podcasts, attending live events, starting a blog, reading and participating in social media. How to combat age discrimination <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/finance/legal/age-discrimination-in-the-workplace-and-how-it-affects-you">Age discrimination</a> is a <a href="https://www.smartcompany.com.au/people-human-resources/recruitment-hiring/ageism-employers-illegally-specify-age-limit-job-applications/">sad reality</a> that some older Australians are dealing with – despite the fact that ageism is illegal in Australia. The relevant law is the <a href="https://www.legislation.gov.au/Details/C2017C00341">Age Discrimination Act 2004</a>. According to this legislation, it is unlawful to discriminate against individuals on the basis of their age. <a href="https://www.humanrights.gov.au/our-work/age-discrimination/publications/know-your-rights-age-discrimination-2012">Knowing your rights</a> is one of the most important steps you can take to protect yourself from age discrimination. Australian law specifies that employers must give fair consideration to all applicants for all jobs, apprenticeships and traineeships, regardless of age. Employers may not refuse to hire you or consider you for a job on the basis of your age. Additionally, you can <a href="https://www.cio.com.au/article/576064/7-ways-mitigate-age-discrimination-your-job-search/">mitigate age discrimination</a> by choosing stylish, up-to-date clothing to wear to work; emphasizing all your relevant work experience; leveraging your professional network; and looking for a senior-friendly company that would be an excellent cultural fit for your skills and expertise. Of course, these are not the only barriers you may face as you seek to remain employed past retirement age – but these are 3 of the most common obstacles senior citizens must typically overcome as they pursue ongoing employment. If you can successfully overcome these hurdles, there are many <a href="https://www.smartcompany.com.au/partner-content/articles/how-hiring-older-workers-is-good-for-business/">benefits</a> to your continued employment – both for you, and for your employer, who will benefit from your lifetime’s worth of accumulated expertise.

Retirement Life

How to overcome responsibility anxiety for ageing parents

Looking after ageing parents and finding appropriate care for them can be one of the most stressful times of our lives. We often aren’t prepared for the rapid decline in our parent’s health or mobility and once the initial shock subsides, dealing with the practicalities of that parent’s care often leaves us bewildered and confused about what to do next. A chief concern is usually about the ageing parent’s health and safety. We worry about how they will care for themselves in their own homes carrying out simple tasks such as cooking and cleaning. Quite often the task of caring for them falls on an adult child or their siblings. Becoming a carer can be tough. There is the physical cost of caring, the time involved - which may come at the expense of work or other recreational activities - and then there is the emotional/psychological burden. The mind often ticks over with questions like “Why hasn’t mum or dad answered the phone today?” “Is my visiting twice a week really enough help?” And, “Am I giving enough care or the right kind of care?,” causing undue stress and anxiety. Family members often don’t realise the cumulative effects that this anxiety can have over time. It can have a serious impact on the person’s own mental and physical wellbeing, says clinical psychologist at Victorian Counselling and Psychological Services, Damon Ashworth. “If feeling stressed is stopping you sleeping, making you sick, or if it’s starting to impact on your work performance or socialising, you really need to take action to protect your own health and wellbeing,” says Ashworth. Find our top tips to reducing anxiety and restoring balance and harmony in this difficult life stage. Get informed Find out as much as you can about your parent’s daily life. Cover off things like what they like to eat, the style of clothes they like to wear and what they like to include on their shopping list. Enquire about the easiest way to help them get these things. If your parent is happy, this contentedness will be passed on to you. Ask for help Doing everything yourself is almost certainly a recipe for psychological burnout. “Set limits on what you can do yourself. Enlisting the help of a carer to come around to help your parent can reduce the burden and stress you feel and mean you have more time to take care of yourself,” advises Ashworth. Take time out to look after you If you’re stressed and anxious it’s unlikely you can properly care for yourself or anyone else. You need time out for self-care activities too, says Ashworth. “Make sure you are exercising, doing something that relaxes you like meditation, visualisation or reading. Or if you are really struggling, see a psychologist,” he says. Trust the experts Trust the experts, but trust your own judgement too. “You need to trust that carers have done the training and have professional qualifications to do what they’re doing, but trust your judgment as well. If you don’t like the care being provided it’s ok to find someone else you like better if that puts your mind at ease,” says Ashworth. Breathe to avoid panic attacks Anxious people take quick, shallow breaths, explains Ashworth. Simple breathing exercises can restore a calmer state and avoid panic attacks and hyperventilating. “If you feel a panic attack coming, sit down, breathe slowly into your stomach, and take in long, slow breaths,” advises Ashworth. Why choose in-home service provider Just Better Care? Just Better Care’s staff will take the time to get to know your parent, identifying the best ways to support them to live independently in their own home and community. Services can include personal care, domestic assistance, transport, home maintenance and social support. A tailored in-home care plan can be developed to ensure your parent is receiving the care they need, when they need it, while giving you peace of mind. For more information about how Just Better Care can work with you to understand the support your parent needs, visit www.justbettercare.com or call 1300 587 823. How have your dealt with the stress of helping ageing parents? Let us know in the comments below. Written by Dominic Bayley. Republished with permission of <a href="https://www.wyza.com.au/articles/lifestyle/relationships/how-to-overcome-responsibility-anxiety-for-ageing-parents.aspx">Wyza.com.au.</a>

Caring

Jimmy Barnes’ struggle to overcome “nightmare” childhood: “It shocks me I managed to live through it”

Legendary rocker Jimmy Barnes has revealed in a new interview that he turned to self-harm for decades, as a way to overcome and deal with his “nightmare” childhood. “It shocks me I managed to live through it,” the singer told <a href="https://www.couriermail.com.au/entertainment/movies/jimmy-barnes-shares-first-look-at-working-class-boy-film-about-his-harrowing-childhood/news-story/d5303bbd2ed71384e115c1751a6c4550">The Courier Mail</a>. Jimmy shared his tumultuous upbringing in his 2016 best-selling memoir, Working Class Boy, where he revealed his childhood was filled with family violence, alcoholism and poverty, and in the prologue of the book, he shared that he had attempted suicide in his hotel room in Auckland in 2012. The singer wrote that he woke up in his large hotel suite, where he was staying with his wife of 37 years, Jane, not remembering that he had tried to take his own life by drinking the contents of the hotel minibar dry. “Tied around the clothes rail is the dressing gown cord, just where I must have left it,” Jimmy shared in the memoir. “The rail, the cord and me with the cord around my neck waiting to die. But I didn’t. It’s not that easy to die, apparently,” he wrote. Now a documentary film with the same title as his book has been made. <iframe src="https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fcouriermail%2Fvideos%2F10156098314482702%2F&show_text=0&width=560" width="560" height="315" style="border: none; overflow: hidden;" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" allowtransparency="true" allowfullscreen="true"></iframe> “If it all hadn’t come out in the book, at some point it would have all washed over me and dragged me down,” the Cold Chisel front man admitted to The Courier Mail. “It probably would have a long time ago if I hadn’t been constantly trying to dodge the past having the distractions of drugs, drink and rock ‘n’ roll,” the 62-year-old added. “I’m surprised none of that didn’t kill me sooner.” Working on the documentary meant Jimmy had to return to his childhood home in South Australia, as well as Scotland, where he was born. His son David Campbell also makes an appearance in the film. The revered rocker said it was emotionally overwhelming returning to his “nightmare”. “When we were standing in the paddock across the road from the house we grew up in … it was like looking at a nightmare,” he told The Courier Mail. “I remembered being dragged down the road, our parents fighting over us – you could feel it, taste it again,” he added. “The director Mark Joffe was trying to talk to me and I couldn’t hear him … I looked at the street and almost every house I looked at had something about it that made me afraid,” Jimmy explained. “After writing about it and reliving it for the shows, to go there again made it more intense, more real but in a way, it helped put a bit of closure to it.” Along with son David Campbell, the documentary also features his wife Jane, plus Cold Chisel bandmates Don Walker and Ian Moss, who share their reflections. “I wouldn’t tell anybody else to get to where I am by doing what I did, but I can’t regret any of it, it has made me who I am,” the rock singer says in the trailer of the film. “And I’m starting to like who I am.”

Music

3 obstacles to reaching your goals and how to overcome them

Susan Krauss Whitbourne is a professor of Psychology and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. She writes the Fulfilment at Any Age blog for Psychology Today. Motivating yourself to perform at your best seems like it would be the best way to accomplish your goals. However, think back on the goals you’ve set and whether you actually met them or not. The three main obstacles to achieving your goals are time, money, and ability. We'll take each of these in turn. 1. Time Perhaps you got to work super-early with the intention of clearing out your inbox. However, while browsing that inbox you’re unhappy to learn that a project you thought was finished now needs another hour or two of revising and recalculating. Or perhaps it’s your day off or the start of a long weekend, and you have a set of to-dos that you feel you absolutely must get done. Just before you begin, though, you get a phone call from a friend who needs your help immediately. It’s also possible that you get distracted, and don’t get started as early as you would have liked. So much for your day’s plans. 2. Money It might not be unexpected time demands that tear you from your goals, but money. You’re driving along on a lovely day, enjoying the scenery and the music you’re rocking on your car stereo. As you make your way down the road, you miss a curb and all of a sudden two tires are gone and there’s a huge dent on your bumper. In addition to the time you’re fated to lose, you know this is going to cost you plenty. There goes that savings you were intending to put toward a new refrigerator. 3. Ability Finally, consider the situation in which you’re starting out on a craft or home repair project. You get all your equipment together, read the instructions, and you’re off and running. Halfway through, though, you find that you made a mistake early on which you will now have to correct. Your choice is to go back and start over or to fix it as well as you can as you complete the project. Agonising, you worry that the mistake will come back to haunt you and you are tempted to go back to square one. These three obstacles can each be overcome as long as you're willing to consider adjusting your goals as each obstacle presents itself to you. New research by University of Heidelberg’s E.A. Arens and colleagues (2018) shows the dangers not of failing to achieve your goals, but of setting them too high and then not adjusting when circumstances get in the way of your "best-laid plans." In what they label as “The Perils of Aiming Too High,” the German researchers examined the role of depressive beliefs in the goal-setting process. They noted that earlier research on depressed individuals found, alternatively, that the depressed set overly high goals or goals that are pessimistically too low. Arens et al. believe that it’s not the goal-setting per se that plagues the depressed, but the failure to adjust to changing circumstances such as the friend in need or the curb that just got in your way. In the words of the Heidelberg research team, “A key aspect of developing and maintaining an adaptive goal is the ability to make a realistic assessment to what extent the current behaviour meets the objectives set” (p. 13). The depressed, they reason, may fail to detect a “goal mistake.” Using an experimental design to test their proposals, Arens and colleagues compared undergraduates tested as being high and low in depressive symptoms in their ability to adjust to feedback as they completed a cognitive task. During this task, participants set goals for themselves, which they were allowed to adjust up or down in response to feedback about their performance. The simple question the researchers tested was whether those high in depressive symptoms would respond differently than students low in depressive symptoms in goal adjustment. The cognitive task used in this study was one that lent itself well to goal monitoring. While seeing a series of single digits presented to them on a computer screen, participants had to add the digit in front of them with the one they just saw. They then clicked the correct number by using the computer mouse. Then they see the next digit, but rather than adding it to the total they had calculated, they had to add that digit to the one they saw prior to computing the total. The researchers gave participants the incentive of .05 Euros for each correct addition. If the participant made an error, the result was not to lose money, but to be exposed to the unpleasant sound of an explosion. The longer the interval between digits, the easier the task, so the researchers were able to manipulate difficulty by presenting the digits either at one per 1.5 seconds or one per 3 seconds. Now onto the measurement of goal adjustment. Prior to completing their actual task but after a practice trial, participants rated the minimum percentage correct they would consider acceptable. Halfway through the addition task, they estimated their percentage correct thus far. Then they had the opportunity to revise their goals. The worse their self-rated performance, the more their remaining goals should have been revised downward. This difference between perceived performance and revised goal became the measure of self-monitoring. If you are good at adjusting your goals based on how well you think you’ve been doing, this means you’ve got that ability to adapt to changing circumstances that could, in the view of the authors, protect you from feeling depressed. The findings showed that the participants with high scores on the depressive symptoms scale indeed had a pattern of goal setting that supported their pessimistic views of themselves and their abilities. In the difficult version of the task, they set higher goals than did those with low scores on the depression scale, meaning that by definition they set themselves up for failure. When they had the opportunity to revise their goals, they did, but their actual performance on the task then suffered. As the authors concluded, “inappropriate high standards (i.e., goals that cannot be reached) may be an important factor leading to frequent negative evaluations which in turn can contribute to a pessimistic and depressive mood” (p. 15). Furthermore, setting those high standards constantly creates a conflict between “the present and the intended state.” Continuing to experience such discrepancies leads the individual constantly to be set up for failure and then actually to fail. Let’s turn now to the ways you can use the results from this study to inform your own goal-setting behaviour for each of those obstacles: 1. Time If you regard the difficult task in the Arens et al. study to be comparable to the situation in which your day is jam-packed, the findings would suggest that when you realise you’re running behind, you figure out a way to finish things tomorrow or the next time you have a chance. That's all you have to do; there's no need to change your goals per se but instead the time frame for achieving them. 2. Money If the situation is one in which you’re going to have an unexpected expense, similarly, you would be best off not berating yourself for the costly error but instead reworking your expectations. Plan on getting the refrigerator after you accumulate some cash in your bank account. 3. Ability Returning to the home craft or repair project, once you catch the error, the German study suggests that you don’t start over, but instead realise that no one is perfect, and mistakes like these are inevitable. Reaching your goals is an important part of feeling fulfilled. Being able to adapt those goals when they require adjustment will help you keep on track in that path to fulfillment. Written by Susan Krauss Whitbourne. Republished with permission of <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/" target="_blank">Psychology Today</a>.

Mind

How to overcome anxiety in 30 days

Bev Aisbett is Australia’s bestselling anxiety expert. In her book, 30 Days 30 Ways to Overcome Anxiety, Aisbett outlines practical steps you can take each day to help reduce and eventually conquer your anxiety. Here, she shares Day One. DAY 1 – You are not broken. You are not being punished. Your EMOTIONAL BAROMETER needs adjustment. Your THINKING THERMOMETER is overheated. Think of a car. If you run it on watered-down petrol, fail to maintain it properly, let it overheat and run it into the ground, would you be surprised if it stopped working properly or started to give you ‘trouble’? Well, that’s all that’s happening to you! If you have spent a lifetime (consciously or unconsciously) feeding yourself thoughts of DOOM and GLOOM, if you CRITICISED and JUDGED yourself harshly, and/or if you expected the WORST and LAMENTED the past, you were creating a ‘PERFECT STORM’ which translates to ANXIETY. You couldn’t help it — it’s just the way you did things; nonetheless, that’s why you’re ANXIOUS. Mystery solved! It’s just STRESS! And you don’t handle stress WELL, do you? So please let go of the idea that you have some HORRIBLE, INCURABLE DISEASE that has appeared out of NOWHERE, or that you can do NOTHING about this, or that you are TRAPPED FOREVER! You now need to MANAGE your anxiety. And that’s what we’re about to start doing. Are you BEATING YOURSELF UP for having anxiety? Are you telling yourself you’re WEAK or STUPID, or that you’ve LOST EVERYTHING because you feel this way? Why are you TURNING on yourself? Is that going to help you feel LESS ANXIOUS? NO! So CUT that OUT! For Pete’s sake, how could you do it any other way if you hadn’t yet LEARNED how to? Would you expect a person with no carpentry skills to build you a perfect piece of furniture? NO! Actually, if you’ve experienced any SHOCKS, LOSSES or TRAUMA in your past (especially in childhood) or if you are HIGHLY SENSITIVE (most anxious people are!), it would be more surprising if you DIDN’T feel anxious! Most of us fumble our way through life by TRIAL and ERROR, without any real road map on how to manage our emotional wellbeing. Few of us are taught emotional intelligence. We learn from those who have influence in our lives but who are not necessarily IDEAL mentors! All that’s happening is that you now have evidence that whatever you’ve been doing hasn’t been WORKING FOR YOU, so it’s time to gain some more EFFECTIVE skills! Learning any new skill can feel ODD or AWKWARD at first. You’re sure you’ll NEVER get the hang of it! But eventually you do, don’t you? Especially if you REALLY want it. ‘Of course I want it!’ I hear you protest. ‘Why would I want to stay feeling like this?’ Well, people get used to FEELING BAD. Feeling bad becomes a HABIT and it can feel strangely COMFORTABLE, simply because it’s FAMILIAR. When breaking any HABIT, you need to be COMMITTED to moving on and that means stepping away from the old, unhelpful patterns that have kept you STUCK. Nothing BAD is happening. There’s a HUGE difference between THINKING that something BAD is happening and something bad ACTUALLY HAPPENING! You’re just out of BALANCE. Let’s get you SORTED. WORKING DAY 1 1. FORGIVE yourself for feeling this way. Actually, there’s NOTHING to forgive! See it that way. YOU HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING WRONG! YOU ARE NOT BEING PUNISHED! I absolutely promise you that nothing BAD is happening! Yes, the sensations may be unsettling but there is no actual DANGER. It’s just the way you’re INTERPRETING the sensations that causes you to feel anxious. What if you didn’t FEAR it? 2. It’s important that you give yourself HOPE and OPTIMISM now. Look FORWARD to feeling better. Get EXCITED about that! 3. Acknowledge that you arrived at ANXIETY via a lot of NEGATIVITY, WORRY and PESSIMISM. Acknowledge this but DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT! 4. Go EASY on yourself today! Be COMPASSIONATE. Say: ‘I simply didn’t KNOW how to handle this. Soon I will – isn’t that GREAT?’ 5. Really PICTURE getting better. Visualise yourself on HOLIDAY or at an OUTING or SOCIAL OCCASION and see yourself ENJOYING it. 6. Find an image that generates a FEELING of RELIEF, OPTIMISM or PEACE. Place it where you can see it and say ‘THAT’s my default position from here on.’ 7. Now imagine that you’ve ARRIVED at this place of contentment. Ask yourself: <ul> <li>What will I be doing differently?</li> <li>What will I have let go of?</li> <li>How will my outlook have changed?</li> </ul> Write down your answers. 8. Isolate what it is you’re REALLY afraid of. Perhaps deep down you don’t think you’re GOOD ENOUGH. Something like that is usually at the heart of anxiety, so it’s not actually the ANXIETY that needs healing; what needs attention is a CORE BELIEF about yourself that causes you to DOUBT yourself and your WORTH. Write down what you discover. 9. See your ANXIETY as an EPISODE, rather than a CONDITION. Your mantras for day 1 <ul> <li>‘I am a GOOD person whose thoughts get a little CARRIED AWAY. I am not being PUNISHED.’</li> <li>‘Nothing BAD is happening. I just have a THOUGHT that there is.’</li> <li>‘When I don’t add ANXIOUS thoughts, anxiety is just PHYSICAL DISCOMFORT.’</li> <li>‘I am about to learn some new SKILLS that will help me feel BETTER.’</li> <li>‘I am willing to HELP MYSELF feel BETTER.’</li> </ul> <img width="128" height="199" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7816139/anxiety-book-cover_128x199.jpg" alt="Anxiety Book Cover" style="float: right;"/> Bev Aisbett, 30 Days 30 Ways to Overcome Anxiety (HarperCollins Publishers 2018), reproduced with permission of HarperCollins Publishers Australia Pty Ltd Available in bookshops and online now.

Mind

Man overcomes stammer to finally make wedding speech to wife years later

Tony Robinson, a 53-year-old truckie from the UK, has dealt with a stammer from the age of six. Believed to be brought on by the trauma of his parents’ divorce, the speech impediment dashed his dreams of becoming a stand-up comedian, and Tony settled for a job as a truck driver to avoid talking to people. Now, after 47 years of struggling, he’s finally overcome his stammer after participating in a TV documentary putting six stammerers through an intensive four-day program. To show just how much he’s improved, Tony appeared on ITV’s This Morning program, confronting his fears and finally delivering his wedding speech to wife Paula – live, in front of millions of viewers. “I’m sorry I was unable to do this speech at [our] wedding,” he begins. “As you know I was scared and nervous.” <iframe src="https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FThisMorning%2Fvideos%2F10156207581732122%2F&show_text=0&width=476" width="476" height="476" style="border: none; overflow: hidden;" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" allowtransparency="true" allowfullscreen="true"></iframe> How beautiful is that? Social media erupted with joy after the segment went to air, with one Twitter user admitting they were “in floods of tears,” while another described it as “the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in 2018 so far”. “Tony, you had me and my wife in tears watching you struggle but had us clapping and crying at the end,” one man wrote. “So proud of you and we don’t even know you ... keep up the good work, you are an inspiration to others.” Tony and his family were absolutely overwhelmed by the response to his appearance on the show, with his daughter taking to Twitter to thank everyone for their kind words. <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> I’m his daughter Jasmin Marie Robinson And I’m with him right now and he wants to thank you all very much it means the world to him Yours faithfully Jasmin Robinson And Mr Tony Robinson <a href="https://t.co/ztvpeUXcRj">pic.twitter.com/ztvpeUXcRj</a> — Jasmin Robinson (@jazzwatermelon) <a href="https://twitter.com/jazzwatermelon/status/950865216811732992?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">January 9, 2018</a></blockquote> Image credit: ITV.

Mind

How to overcome temptation

Paul Stillman is a Post-Doctoral Researcher in Cognitive and Brain Sciences at the Ohio State University. Melissa J. Ferguson is a Professor of Psychology at Cornell University. For breakfast this morning, I had to choose between a chocolate doughnut versus a bowl of oatmeal. (The doughnut was delicious.) Throughout the day I will have to fight off urges to check Twitter, skip the gym, and watch “Game of Thrones” late into the night. At every moment, temptation beckons. Giving in to these siren calls can be unhealthy. It wrecks our aspirations, longevity and moral compass. What are we to do? In movies and cartoons, the struggle for self-control is often portrayed as the devil on one shoulder, encouraging impulsive behaviour, and the angel on the other, urging control. The metaphor of the devil and angel fits well with how psychologists have explained self-control: the push and pull between our impulsive, emotional system (that draws us toward indulgences) and our deliberative, logical system (that considers the long-term). But psychologists have also argued that these two systems do not act simultaneously. We <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797617705386" target="_blank">conducted a series of new studies</a> to untangle when the devil and the angel show up once you’re confronted with a temptation. How much rides on how tough that angel is? The consensus among psychologists has been that when we see that doughnut, our <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1745-6924.2009.01116.x" target="_blank">impulsive system acts first</a>, quickly giving rise to automatic urges. The more controlled system (sometimes) intervenes later in an effort to inhibit the temptation. From this standpoint, the devil arrives as soon as there is trouble to be had, and the angel arrives late to the game and must conquer the devil. This implies that self-control depends largely on the angel. And, in fact, modern society champions the power of the will – the idea that the most successful people are those who can control and override their animal urges so that reason and rationality can prevail. This suggests very clear remedies for personal failings: greater willpower and a tougher psyche. But is this true? In our new research in press at Psychological Science, we used a computer mouse-tracking tool to better understand how people make self-control decisions. With over 650 volunteers, we recorded how people moved their computer mouse while they decided between short-term temptations versus long-term goals: healthy versus unhealthy food. Clicking through a temptation minefield Like a modern-day version of a Ouija board, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1368430214538325" target="_blank">this mouse-tracking tool</a> can reveal a person’s inner cognitive processes while he or she makes choices. We asked our subjects to simply click on the option that they should eat in order to be healthy. Our subjects overwhelmingly clicked on the healthy options – but we were not interested in their ultimate choice. We wanted the information contained in how they got there. As they clicked on the healthy option, how closely did they veer their mouse toward the temptation along the way? <img width="499" height="375" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/44743/temptation-in-text-image_499x375.jpg" alt="Temptation In -text Image"/> It turns out that this spatial “tell” predicted their real choices. Those who had strayed closer to the temptations were more likely to choose a candy bar over an apple at the end of the study when offered an actual snack. The way that people moved their mouse also revealed how they made decisions. Rather than the devil beckoning us to temptation early before our angels of higher reason can intervene, it appears that both temptations and long-term concerns compete from very early on. If we do have two conflicting systems – a fast, impulsive system and a slow, deliberative system – we would expect people’s mouse movements to initially veer strongly toward the temptation, before reversing course back toward the goal. Contrary to this, however, we find this “impulse-then-inhibit” trajectory occurs in just a minority of trials in which people are successful at self-control. Much more common were movements that were smooth and curved – ones that sometimes drifted toward the temptation, but gradually head back toward the goal. In other words, people’s successful decisions do not (usually) unfold as first an impulse toward the temptation and then effortful inhibition. Instead, our decisions appear to be simultaneously informed by both temptation and goal. Willpower can’t do it all Despite the prevailing wisdom, then, people with good self-control are not those who are skilled at resisting impulses, but those who are less likely to experience full-blown impulses in the first place. These data suggest that the common idea of a quick devil followed by a slow angel may not reflect how successful decisions actually unfold in the majority of cases. This new work shows that a focus on willpower and inhibiting impulses may often be too little too late. Instead of steeling oneself against temptation, it may be more fruitful to put in work beforehand – by focusing on the small decisions that can help us avoid tempting impulses altogether. Other psychologists, such as <a href="http://faculty.chicagobooth.edu/ayelet.fishbach/research/" target="_blank">Ayelet Fishbach</a> and her colleagues, have argued for exactly <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.79.4.493" target="_blank">this approach of preventative control</a>. For example, one might avoid situations that are likely to trigger impulses, like the candy aisle. We of course cannot create a world without any temptations, but we might consider more seriously a pre-emptive strategy rather than trying only to increase our willpower. By the time the devil appears on our shoulder, it is often too late. Better to work on ways of avoiding him altogether. Written by Paul Stillman and Melissa J. Ferguson. Republished with permission of <a href="http://theconversation.com/" target="_blank">The Conversation</a>. <img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/82473/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/>

Mind

Co-housing works well for older people – once the image problem is overcome

Associate Professor Chris Riedy, Research Principal Kylie McKenna, Senior Research Consultant Laura Wynee and PhD Researcher Matthew Daly are from the University of Technology Sydney. Housing Australia’s ageing population in homes that are affordable, accessible and sustainable presents a major challenge, particularly in a time of rising housing costs. Older people want homes where they can feel comfortable and independent, and which allow them to remain connected to their family and friends. However, many fail to anticipate the health and financial challenges that can diminish their housing choices as they age. With an emphasis on social interaction, environmental sustainability and accessible design, co-housing can provide an attractive housing option for seniors. We set out to explore the potential of co-housing for seniors, in <a href="https://www.uts.edu.au/research-and-teaching/our-research/institute-sustainable-futures/our-research/social-change-4" target="_blank">newly released research</a> funded by the NSW Department of Family and Community Services and Office of Environment and Heritage. How does co-housing work? Co-housing is well <a href="https://assets.aarp.org/rgcenter/ppi/liv-com/fs175-cohousing.pdf" target="_blank">established internationally</a> as a housing option but relatively new to Australia. Co-housing, or co-living, arrangements aim to mix private and shared living spaces in a way that meets the need for both privacy and a sense of community and support. Germany’s <a href="https://theconversation.com/reinventing-density-how-baugruppen-are-pioneering-the-self-made-city-66488" target="_blank">Baugruppen model</a> is a prominent international example. Despite huge diversity in the size, density and design of co-housing, there are some common characteristics: <ul> <li>First, the future residents are typically involved in the design process to ensure the final building meets their needs.</li> <li>Second, the design includes some mix of private dwellings and shared spaces, and encourages community interaction. Shared spaces can be as minimal as a garden or laundry, or as extensive as a common kitchen, lounge and guest facilities.</li> <li>Third, residents are usually actively involved in the governance of the property.</li> </ul> What did the research look at? Through initial interviews with stakeholders, we identified three different co-housing options that look particularly promising for seniors in Sydney: <ul> <li>Deliberative development, where the building designer actively enables participation by future residents in the design of a multi-unit building that they will eventually live in. Breathe Architecture <a href="https://theconversation.com/nightingales-sustainability-song-falls-on-deaf-ears-as-car-centric-planning-rules-hold-sway-50187?sr=3" target="_blank">pioneered this approach</a> with <a href="http://www.breathe.com.au/the-commons-1/" target="_blank">The Commons</a> in Melbourne, and <a href="http://nightingalehousing.org/" target="_blank">Nightingale Housing</a> is helping the idea to spread. While not aimed specifically at seniors, this model has great potential to deliver co-housing for seniors.</li> <li>Co-operative tenancy, where residents form a housing co-operative to manage their tenancy of a building. <a href="http://www.commonequity.com.au/" target="_blank">Common Equity</a> is the leading proponent of this model in New South Wales, with 39 housing co-operatives established. This model is particularly attractive for private tenants, who are especially vulnerable to financial problems and social isolation.</li> <li>Small-scale co-housing, where an existing single dwelling is renovated to accommodate one to three dwellings. The <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-co-housing-could-make-homes-cheaper-and-greener-39235">Benn family home</a> is a great example. This model is appealing as a way of downsizing, or assisting children with their own housing challenges.</li> </ul> Barriers to acceptance We tested these three models in focus groups with seniors and found that co-housing has an image problem. The participants were keenly aware of the housing challenges that co-housing seeks to overcome. However, when we started to discuss co-housing, their thoughts immediately turned to hippies, communes and share houses. This is unfortunate, because there are modern co-housing options that are perfect for the mainstream. These examples feature great design and balance between privacy and community. We found that awareness of co-housing and its potential benefits was low. In particular, seniors resisted the idea of sharing living spaces. Some said they had “done their time” and wanted to maintain their independence. They were worried that others would not “do their bit” to maintain the shared spaces. Others liked the idea of increased social interaction but were less enthusiastic about being involved in ongoing governance of the property. Participants were quick to identify potential barriers to co-housing. These included local planning restrictions, securing finance, or impacts on their pension eligibility. It is tempting to conclude that co-housing is a nice idea that lacks a market. A common refrain in our focus groups was: “It’s a nice idea, but not for me.” However, in all these groups we found a small number of participants, perhaps 10-20%, who were enthusiastic about the idea. A market of 10-20% could make a very significant contribution to meeting our housing challenges. We also discovered many groups that are working hard to establish co-housing, like the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/theAGEncyproj/" target="_blank">AGEncy Project</a> in Balmain. The market could be even larger if co-housing could overcome its image problems. How to win converts to co-housing We propose the following steps to start realising the potential of co-housing for seniors. First, more people need to know that co-housing is an option. Raising awareness about co-housing and busting some of the myths about it are high priorities. Our small contribution is a set of three <a href="http://bit.ly/2sqP7uR" target="_blank">factsheets on co-housing for seniors</a>. More demonstration projects are also badly needed, so people can see what it is actually like to live in co-housing. Second, more needs to be done to link up the growing number of people who do want to live in co-housing. One of the biggest challenges is finding a group of people who have similar housing needs and aspirations. Web platforms offer great potential here and some attempts to develop such platforms have already been made. For example, the <a href="https://www.henryproject.com/" target="_blank">Henry Project</a> is working on a Co-Living Network platform. Third, governments can do to much to support co-housing and overcome existing barriers. For example, governments can provide financial support or access to land for demonstration projects. They can also ensure that planning regulations allow co-housing developments. Finally, existing seniors’ housing providers can adopt the core ideas of co-housing in their developments. Retirement villages and aged care facilities typically include shared living spaces. Participation in design and governance is perhaps less common. Written by Chris Riedy, Kylie McKenna, Laura Wynee and Matthew Daly. First appeared on <a href="http://www.theconversation.com" target="_blank">The Conversation</a>.<img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.edu.au/content/79907/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/>

Retirement Life

11 ways to overcome relationship conflict

Dr Carmen Harra is a best-selling author, clinical psychologist, and relationship expert. We all know relationships take work, but rarely can we imagine just how much work they require. A solid relationship can take years to build and minutes to break. Frustrations accumulate and people quickly reach boiling points. In such moments, words alone can do irreversible damage. The most critical part of any fight is the way you make up: What’s the resolution, and who’s benefitting from it? It’s unrealistic to think that your relationship won’t be subject to any sort of conflict. The aim is to reach a level of understanding and compromise where petty feuds are evaded and long-standing arguments are swiftly settled. The magic of most relationships breaks down over time. So, what changed from the beginning to now, from when little things didn’t bother you to when everything became a big deal? Your thoughts. Reducing discord in relationships begins by rearranging thoughts. Your brain functions from habit, meaning that it resorts to the same thoughts over and over again. When you think differently, you speak and act differently, which yields different results. Adopt these mental attitudes to counteract conflict in your relationship and carry out productive dialogue: 1. Responsibility, not blame. The first step to rebuilding a peaceful relationship is to assume responsibility for any role you might’ve played in bringing about a problem. It’s easy to place the blame entirely on your partner, but fault-finding only increases anger and stagnancy. So instead of pointing fingers, peer within. Even if you did absolutely nothing wrong, consider what you can do to make things right from now on. 2. Meditation, not desperation. Often couples fight because one or both partners have become desperate: bickering arises from deep dissatisfactions that were never addressed. It’s essential to organise your thoughts and intentions before you open your mouth. Even if you feel you’re at your wit’s end, sit down and take a deep breath. Imagine what would happen if you approached the situation one way versus if you approached it another way. Consider the best possible outcome in your mind. Close your eyes and see yourself having an honest conversation with your partner in which you both reach an agreement. Plan the points you will make. What can you say to make progress and inspire a positive conclusion? 3. Reception, not reaction. No one initiates an argument to hear the other person’s viewpoints. They do so to get their own points across. Our first instinct is to react right away when someone presents an argument: they make a claim, we make an opposite claim. Listen to your partner’s statements without forming an entire lecture in response. After all, it’s one thing is to hear and another to listen. In cases in which words can cause irreparable harm, silence is golden. Understanding what your mate really meant can take time; as you mull over their words, the true meaning will surface. 4. Present, not past. Start each day with a clean slate. Even if your partner messed up yesterday, there’s no reason they can’t mend their mistakes today and tomorrow. Focus not on what they’ve done, but on the opportunity to do the right things, right now. Yes, people can change, but you must first give them the chance. 5. Needs, not desires. Be clear about your needs, not your desires. You might crave a vacation with your loved one, but this is not a need; the real need is to spend time together. Reach the core of what you really want and reiterate it. Also, understand what sacrifices will be needed from both you and your partner in order to repair damage that has been done. Remember that your significant other has needs from you, too. 6. Quality, not quantity. You don’t need a dozen meaningless talks to heal your relationship; you need one transformative conversation. The quality of communication, therefore, is key. You may have a tendency to bring up everything all at once when expressing to your partner how you feel. Stick to one area of concern. Don’t jump from subject to subject or concentrate on irrelevant matters that don’t pose serious problems. You will get to cover all the crucial elements in time, so start with the most important. 7. Intimacy, not influence. Keep your relationship private and guard your affairs between you. External influences are the weeds of a blossoming relationship and the wrong ones can devastate a perfectly good dynamic. Don’t hang up on your significant other only to call your friend and blab about the things your partner’s doing wrong. After all, it’s you two who are in a relationship, not your friend, sibling, parent, or any other party. No one needs to intervene. Promise to put each other first and filter your environment of negative influences. 8. Reality, not perfection. The love we want to receive may differ from the love we actually receive. Why is that? Because people are far from perfect. They won’t always give us what we want, they’ll give us what they can. Not everyone is capable of extending unconditional love, patience, and tolerance. Some people can barely tolerate themselves, let alone another person. While you should never lower your expectations or settle for less than what you deserve, you should acknowledge your partner’s limitations and recognise their true capacity. Maybe they’re already giving you everything they can. 9. Literally, not personally. The way your mate treats you says much more about him or her than it says about you. When we care about a person, we become overly sensitive to the things they say and do. We can distort their intentions and make ourselves believe bad things they didn’t even mean. Your partner may be going through things you can’t comprehend—mentally, emotionally, or physically. So, take nothing personally. 10. Source, not consequence. Dig down to the first rotten seed of your relationship: when and why did the fighting start? Say you’ve been arguing about the lack of time you spend together. Consider the source of the problem instead of the repercussions. The origin might be your partner’s demanding job, while the consequence is that he missed your birthday. In this example, arguing about the missed birthday won’t stop the problem from happening again. But strategising how your partner can modify his schedule or take a few days off, will. Remember that consequences won’t change if the source doesn’t. 11. Resolutions, not conclusions. Quick are we to jump to conclusions. When something goes wrong, we automatically assume the worst and analyse every part of our partner’s actions. This kind of compulsive behaviour only drives dispute into the relationship. When your significant other says something, simply believe it. Take their words to be the truth according to them, eliminating the ifs, ands, or buts. Even if their excuse isn’t to your satisfaction, respect that this is their honest explanation. Skip the would’ve, should’ve, could’ve, and ask, “So, how do we fix this?” Offer your possible solutions then invite your partner to provide input. Alter your attitude to reshape your relationship. Recurring conflicts can be resolved once and for all by banishing old emotional habits and shifting reactions to reflect understanding. To find more information about Dr Carmen Harra, visit her <a href="http://www.carmenharra.com/" target="_blank">website here.</a>

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A guide to overcoming loneliness during the holidays

Pilot’s holy grail tips to overcome your fear of flying

How to overcome the ‘Sunday scaries,’ according to a therapist

Readers Respond: What was one struggle you had with your newborn and how did you overcome it?

Solar curtailment is emerging as a new challenge to overcome as Australia dashes for rooftop solar

Ways for overcoming the blues

How to overcome 3 common barriers to mature age employment

How to overcome responsibility anxiety for ageing parents

Jimmy Barnes’ struggle to overcome “nightmare” childhood: “It shocks me I managed to live through it”

3 obstacles to reaching your goals and how to overcome them

How to overcome anxiety in 30 days

Man overcomes stammer to finally make wedding speech to wife years later

How to overcome temptation

Co-housing works well for older people – once the image problem is overcome

11 ways to overcome relationship conflict

News

Shop

Catalogues

Travel

Health

Lifestyle

Finance

Entertainment

Property

Information

Keep up to date

Search

A guide to overcoming loneliness during the holidays

Pilot’s holy grail tips to overcome your fear of flying

How to overcome the ‘Sunday scaries,’ according to a therapist

Readers Respond: What was one struggle you had with your newborn and how did you overcome it?

Solar curtailment is emerging as a new challenge to overcome as Australia dashes for rooftop solar

Ways for overcoming the blues

How to overcome 3 common barriers to mature age employment

How to overcome responsibility anxiety for ageing parents

Jimmy Barnes’ struggle to overcome “nightmare” childhood: “It shocks me I managed to live through it”

3 obstacles to reaching your goals and how to overcome them

How to overcome anxiety in 30 days

Man overcomes stammer to finally make wedding speech to wife years later

How to overcome temptation

Co-housing works well for older people – once the image problem is overcome

11 ways to overcome relationship conflict

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