Relationships

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Why you might be falling for a ‘ghost’ on dating apps

<p>Consider the moments you have fallen in love.</p> <p>If you unpick the threads, you will quickly find much of the falling <a href="https://www.huffpost.com/entry/is-love-real-or-a-project_b_8398808">occurred in the mind</a>. Many artefacts that go towards creating intimacy are imagined. We can’t fully understand or know someone else, but we can construct a persona around them and a shared view of the future.</p> <p>Yes, there were likely tangible and physical components that went towards constructing the intimacy. You would have seen that person, had a discussion with them, a date (or several dates even), but realistically a lot of it happened in your mind.</p> <p>Love requires imagination: <a href="https://books.google.com.au/books?hl=en&amp;lr=&amp;id=3D9FE-UfYxEC&amp;oi=fnd&amp;pg=PA109&amp;dq=lauren+berlant+intimate+publics&amp;ots=1g_TnzoJGF&amp;sig=XsCBOmbhCgpe2Atmj9UtlEIiW_I#v=onepage&amp;q=lauren%20berlant%20intimate%20publics&amp;f=false">a shared vision, narrative or trajectory</a>.</p> <p>In our connected world, this imagination is fostered from the very start of the interaction. It happens from the moment we pick up our phones, tap on an app and consider swiping right. And we’re doing <em>a lot</em> of swiping: <a href="https://time.com/4837/tinder-meet-the-guys-who-turned-dating-into-an-addiction/">5 million matches</a> a day on Tinder alone. Dating apps and dating have become <a href="https://www.irishtimes.com/special-reports/smart-living/appy-ever-after-true-love-is-just-a-swipe-away-1.3986971">virtually synonymous</a>.</p> <p>It would be easy to chalk up the success of the dating app <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1461444818804773">to functionality, mobility and ease</a>, but what about its reawakening of the imagination?</p> <p><strong>Dreamspaces</strong></p> <p>Dating apps provide users with the ability to dream, to fantasise, to construct a person and an imagined story based on limited information. We open the app with a series of beliefs about who might make for our perfect match. Athletic, committed, creative, respectful, passionate, educated, age-appropriate (or inappropriate) … and then we interpret.</p> <p>Consider what you are supplied with: a few profile pictures and a brief description. Information is limited; gaps need to be filled.</p> <p>A photo taken with an adorable chocolate Labrador. Is he an animal lover – and therefore dependable? Holding a cocktail in a party dress with a friend. Does she enjoy her social life – and so is she fun to be around? On the beach: they must love the outdoors.</p> <p>From there, we springboard into interpreting other prompts and creating a narrative. You’re imaging an afternoon spent at the dog park (with the chocolate lab and your cavoodle – they would be the best of friends); an evening at the latest bar sipping the newest drink; a swimsuit, board shorts and a towel haphazardly flung over a balcony in the memory of a day spent at the beach.</p> <p>And while you are imagining your potential match, they are imagining you, too.</p> <p>Swipe right, and start a DM chat, and our intrepid interpretation of the other person and potential intimacy continues. The ghost of an imagined relationship has begun to haunt us.</p> <p><strong>Go on, ghost me</strong></p> <p>“Hauntology” was coined by philosopher <a href="https://libcom.org/files/Derrida%20-%20Specters%20of%20Marx%20-%20The%20State%20of%20the%20Debt,%20the%20Work%20of%20Mourning%20and%20the%20New%20International.pdf">Jacques Derrida</a> to refer to the return or persistence of elements from the past, as in the manner of a ghost.</p> <p>Dating apps allow the user to mobilise hauntological recollections from a previous relationship, a movie, a novel, or an idea.</p> <p>The virtual digital space is the perfect location for such hauntologies. You might think there is another person on the other side of the app, but we can also consider them to be a ghost.</p> <p>It’s easy to understand why dating apps are so popular. Their mobility makes them easy to use; users are in control of their selection of potential matches.</p> <p>Tinder founders Sean Rad and Justin Mateen say the design takes “<a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1440783316662718?journalCode=josb">the stress out of dating</a>”, and the game-like quality of the app creates <a href="https://time.com/4837/tinder-meet-the-guys-who-turned-dating-into-an-addiction/">less emotional investment</a>.</p> <p>But the imagining constitutes a significant emotional investment. Studies have shown imagined occurrences have similar, if not the same, impact <a href="https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/12/181210144943.htm">as reality</a>.</p> <p>Despite the lack of a face-to-face interaction you might find yourself intensely linked to your ghost. But will your ghost match the actual person when you meet them face-to-face for the first time? Will the two converge, or will there be an unbearable space between?</p> <p>Awareness is half the battle. When you’re next flicking through potential matches on a dating app, be conscious of how far you’re taking your digital imaginings.</p> <p>You can aim to keep them in check, or you can consciously let them spiral – in the knowledge of the notion you might be falling for a ghost.</p> <p><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: http://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><span><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lisa-portolan-908906"><em>Lisa Portolan</em></a><em>, PhD student, Institute for Culture and Society, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/western-sydney-university-1092">Western Sydney University</a></em></span></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="http://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/looking-for-love-on-a-dating-app-you-might-be-falling-for-a-ghost-128626">original article</a>.</em></p>

Relationships

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Princess Beatrice and Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi share royal wedding gift registry

<p>Princess Beatrice and Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi have shared their royal wedding gift list.</p> <p>Last week, it was announced that the Princess of York and her property developer partner fiancé are set to tie the knot on May 29 at the Chapel Royal in St James’s Palace before a reception at Buckingham Palace.</p> <p>Now the couple has also released their wedding gift request. In place of presents, they are asking guests and well-wishers to “find out more” about the work of two philanthropic organisations: Big Change and Cricket Builds Hope.</p> <p>Big Change is a youth charity co-founded by Princess Beatrice, which supports educational and community projects for young people in the UK. The Queen’s granddaughter set up the charity with five friends in 2012.</p> <p>The charity’s CEO Essie North said in a statement that the charity is “honoured” by the couple’s gesture.</p> <p>“As a founder and Trustee of the charity, Beatrice shares an ambitious vision to change how we support all young people to thrive, with the humility to learn from the pioneers leading this change on the ground,” North said.</p> <p>“To date we’ve supported 30 projects helping more than 700,000 young people. We hope that the increased awareness she has brought to Big Change will help us support more brilliant projects making a real difference to young people from all walks of life, but especially those who are the most vulnerable.”</p> <p>Cricket Builds Hope is a charity that uses cricket to promote reconciliation and drive social change in Rwanda. The organisation was co-founded by Mozzi and his stepbrother Alby Shale based on the vision of their father Christopher Shale.</p> <p>The pair’s request is in line with previous royal weddings in recent years. Prince William and Duchess Kate encouraged well-wishers to donate to a fund of 26 charities for their 2011 nuptials, and raised more than US$1 million. Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan also asked guests to make donations in their name to <a href="https://www.vogue.com.au/brides/news/this-is-what-prince-harry-and-meghan-markle-will-have-on-their-wedding-gift-registry/news-story/82a4f26e84c80c6fa22a87c574bb0c5a">seven handpicked organisations</a> for their 2018 wedding.</p> <p>Prince Charles and Princess Diana received <a href="https://www.vogue.com/article/royal-wedding-registries">more than 6,000 wedding gifts</a> in 1981.</p>

Relationships

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The wedding request that’s sparking debate

<p><span>Wedding planning is not an easy feat – but it’s even more so when you wish for the special day to be child-free.</span></p> <p><span>There are many reasons why couples decide against having children at their wedding. A practical one is cost – while the addition of children into the guest list may not sound like a lot, the costs could easily add up with the requirements for more space, tables and meals.</span></p> <p><span>Excluding kids also helps the couple plan their special day more easily, and ensure the event goes more smoothly. “No kids means the parents can cut loose and enjoy the party you’ve set up for them,” an author wrote on <a href="https://www.brides.com/story/no-kids-allowed-wedding-real-bride"><em>Brides</em></a>. </span></p> <p><span>“Not inviting children closed the risk of skinned knees on cobblestones and screaming adults trying to track down their kids.”</span></p> <p><span>However, the rule has proven to be quite controversial. Writing for <a href="https://www.todaysparent.com/blogs/why-child-free-weddings-are-totally-insulting/"><em>Today’s Parent</em></a>, Karen Pinchin argued that child-free weddings are “totally insulting” to the guests.</span></p> <p><span>“If you love and trust the people you’re inviting to your wedding, then love and trust that they will make the best decision for you on your big day,” she wrote. </span></p> <p><span>“By explicitly saying ‘adults only’ or ‘no kids’, these invitations are dictating terms, taking guests’ best judgment out of the matter entirely.”</span></p> <p><span>Meg Keene of <a href="https://apracticalwedding.com/children-not-invited-to-wedding/"><em>A Practical Wedding</em></a> suggested a middle ground, where exceptions are made only for new and nursing mothers. “New motherhood is isolating, and if you can avoid your girlfriend having to sit out a wedding because the baby won’t take a bottle, do it,” she wrote. </span></p>

Relationships

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Why people post 'couple photos' as their social media profile pictures

<p>As you scroll through your Facebook news feed, you see it: Your friend has posted a new profile picture. But instead of a picture of just your friend, it’s a couple photo – a picture of your friend and their romantic partner.</p> <p>“Why would someone choose that as their profile picture?” you wonder.</p> <p><a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=IhivPfwAAAAJ&amp;hl=en&amp;oi=ao">We are social</a> <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=4LI2RO0AAAAJ&amp;hl=en&amp;oi=ao">psychology researchers</a> interested in understanding people’s behavior in close relationships and on social media. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167219893998">Our research</a> and that of <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167214549944">other scholars</a> provides insight into why people use these types of “I’m part of a couple!” displays on social media. Choosing profile photos that include their romantic partner, posting their relationship status and mentioning their partner in their updates can all be signs of how people feel in their relationship – and may send an important message to potential rivals.</p> <p><strong>Who does this?</strong></p> <p>What we social psychologists call <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167219893998">“dyadic displays” are relatively common</a>.</p> <p>In a recent study that we conducted, 29% of romantically involved Facebook users had a “couple” photo as their current profile picture. Seventy percent had a dyadic relationship status posted – such as “In a relationship” or “Married.” And participants mentioned their romantic partner in 15% of their recent Facebook updates.</p> <p><iframe id="mr84v" class="tc-infographic-datawrapper" src="https://datawrapper.dwcdn.net/mr84v/2/" height="400px" width="100%" style="border: none;" frameborder="0"></iframe></p> <p>Certain people are more likely to use these dyadic displays than others. People who are <a href="https://doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2011.0291">very satisfied with</a> or <a href="https://doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2015.0060">committed to</a> their romantic relationship are more likely to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550612460059">post couple profile photos</a> or <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167219893998">represent their relationships on social media</a> in other ways. The <a href="https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2015.00214">more in love a coupled-up person is, and the more jealousy they report</a>, the more likely they are to post their relationship status publicly on Facebook.</p> <p>People who have an <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.78.2.350">anxious attachment style</a> – who worry about their partner rejecting or abandoning them – are also more likely to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167214549944">use a dyadic profile photo and post a dyadic relationship status on Facebook</a>. In contrast, people who have an <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.78.2.350">avoidant attachment style</a> – who are uncomfortable depending on others and who prioritize maintaining their independence – are unlikely to showcase their couplehood in these ways.</p> <p>Whether someone underscores their romantic status online can also change according to how a person is feeling at a given time. People are more likely to post relationship-relevant information on Facebook on days when they <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167214549944">feel more insecure</a> about their partner’s feelings for them than they typically do and on days when they <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550612460059">feel more satisfied</a> with their relationship.</p> <p><strong>Why display couplehood this way?</strong></p> <p>One possible reason, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550612460059">proposed by other scholars</a>, is that these displays accurately represent how many romantically involved people see themselves.</p> <p>People in close relationships often <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.63.4.596">include their partner in their self-concept</a> – they see their partner as part of themselves. People may display their couplehood on social media, then, because doing so accurately represents how they see themselves: as intertwined with their partner.</p> <p><a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167219893998">Our recent survey</a> of 236 romantically involved adult Facebook users supported this idea. We found that people – especially those who are very satisfied with their relationships – use dyadic displays partly because they see their partner as part of who they are.</p> <p>We also found another, more strategic reason that people perform these displays: They’re motivated to protect their relationships from threats that exist on social media. Using Facebook, Twitter and all the rest exposes people to a variety of <a href="https://doi.org/10.1089/cpb.2008.0263">things that could potentially harm</a> their relationship, including ex-partners, alternative partners they could start a relationship with and romantic rivals who could attempt to steal their current sweethearts.</p> <p>Outside of social media, research has shown that committed people engage in a host of behaviors to defend their relationships against threats posed by <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2015.01.011">alternative partners</a> and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/0162-3095(88)90010-6">romantic rivals</a>. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/a0023647">Mentioning their partner or relationship</a> is one way people may try to ward off these potential troublemakers.</p> <p>We found that people who were more motivated to protect their relationships from these kinds of threats were more likely to use dyadic displays. Wanting to keep the good thing they had going was one reason why highly satisfied and committed people were particularly likely to feature their partner on their social media profiles.</p> <p>Other researchers have found that some people feature their partner and relationship in their social media profiles because having other people know that they are in a relationship <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167214549944">gives them a self-esteem boost</a>. This motive to feel good about themselves is one reason why anxiously attached people want their Facebook friends to be able to tell that they are in a relationship – and why avoidantly attached people don’t.</p> <p><strong>How do others interpret these displays?</strong></p> <p>Interestingly, viewers tend to form <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691612442904">fairly accurate impressions</a> of others based on their social media profiles and posts.</p> <p>In experiments, researchers have manipulated social media profiles to investigate the consequences of advertising your coupledom in these ways.</p> <p>Posting couple photos and using other dyadic displays leads other people to perceive the profile owner as <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12059">more likable and as more likely to be in a satisfying and committed relationship</a>.</p> <p>These dyadic displays not only <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407512468370">communicate commitment</a>, but also suggest that the profile owner is <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167219893998">unlikely to be receptive to romantic advances</a> from other people. This may discourage others from trying to get closer to the profile owner, perhaps protecting the relationship.</p> <p>If you’ve never done it, it may seem surprising that people would choose a “couple photo” as their profile picture. But doing so has the potential to produce positive outcomes for that person and their relationship.<!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: http://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/amanda-l-forest-941415">Amanda L. Forest</a>, Assistant Professor of Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-pittsburgh-854">University of Pittsburgh</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/kori-krueger-950797">Kori Krueger</a>, Ph.D. Student in Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-pittsburgh-854">University of Pittsburgh</a></em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="http://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-people-post-couple-photos-as-their-social-media-profile-pictures-130661">original article</a>.</em></p>

Relationships

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Why you should find someone like you for a happy relationship

<p>Relationships are often interpreted as the outcome of an exchange of goods and services. Common knowledge says that the sexes want different things from a partner.</p> <p>These preferences are often reduced to shallow, one-dimensional demands – beauty for men and resources for women. “Opposites attract,” they say. No one asks, “Why did that beautiful, young woman marry that old, old man?” because they already know the answer. He had something she wanted and she had something he wanted.</p> <p>This <a href="http://journals.cambridge.org/action/displayAbstract?fromPage=online&amp;aid=6734712&amp;fileId=S0140525X00023992">exchange view of relationships</a> is constantly reinforced – from Shakespearean sonnets and modern romantic comedies to a mother’s advice – and the conclusion seems self-evident. Men and women are two sides of a coin, the yin to the other’s yang. And all any of us are doing is attempting to get the <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20006552">most out of a partner</a> for what we’re offering on the mating market.</p> <p>The only problem is it’s wrong, according to the latest research.</p> <p><strong>Why we think opposites attract</strong></p> <p>The prevalent view that opposites attract and it’s all about an exchange is in line with <a href="http://www.jstor.org/stable/2091961?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents">decades of research</a> in the mate choice literature. The argument, rooted in basic sex differences, is that males and females engage in fundamentally different strategies to ensure their ability to survive and reproduce. Because males invest less than females do in reproduction, they benefit more from <a href="http://www.anthro.utah.edu/PDFs/trivers1972.pdf">taking multiple partners</a> than do females.</p> <p>Thus, males assess indicators of a partner’s reproductive ability. This assessment is particularly acute for our species because women’s window of fertility is quite short relative to a man’s. So men place a greater importance on the physical attractiveness of a potential partner because it serves as an indicator of fertility.</p> <p>Females, on the other hand bear the brunt of reproductive costs and so access to resources becomes central to raising successful young. Thus women, who have some of the most expensive children in the animal kingdom, are quite interested in a partner’s ability to invest. Women desire indicators of a man’s ability to acquire and provide resources. Thus, our opposite preferences are, at their simplest, due to our basic sex differences.</p> <p><strong>Likes attract</strong></p> <p>But more recent work challenges this simple “opposites attract” approach. <a href="http://rsos.royalsocietypublishing.org/content/2/1/140402">For example</a>, while men are often labeled as preferring multiple partners, these preferences are inappropriately assumed. Many men are quite averse to short-term uncommitted relationships and instead desire long-term relationship commitment with a single partner.</p> <p>Increasingly, findings from cross-cultural studies of mate choice run counter to Western notions of “opposites attract.” For example, in some cases men are the ones who desire an <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1090513808000081">investing partner</a> and in others women show a clear preference for <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dm1tN3SmDWs">male beauty</a> and <a href="http://www.pnas.org/content/111/40/14388.abstract">feminine traits</a>. So should we just dismiss this as a Western quirk, and just chalk up another explanation to “cultural differences?”</p> <p>Not so fast. A body of theory in reproductive decision making referred to as <a href="http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/39494/assortative-mating">assortative mating</a> has been building up an <a href="http://mitpress.mit.edu/books/adapting-minds">impressive body of support</a>. Central to theoretical expectations is that those individuals who are more alike will end up together. This should be thought of as antitheses to claims of “opposites attract” and referred to as a “likes attract” approach.</p> <p>For example, “likes attract” research finds that partner preferences are strongly influenced by how, for example, <a href="http://www.pnas.org/content/100/15/8805.abstract">individuals rate themselves</a>. That is, people who rate themselves high as a mate are generally more demanding of a high quality mate. More specifically, if an individual rates him/herself high on a trait (such as physical attractiveness, education, trustworthy, etc) they desire a partner that also scores high on that trait as well.</p> <p><strong>It all comes down to partner matching</strong></p> <p><a href="http://asr.sagepub.com/content/early/2014/05/29/0003122414536391.abstract">Work</a> exploring this approach using US data finds that yes, as is commonly expected, physically attractive women often desire high status men, and high status men want physically attractive women. However, if the data is analyzed from a “likes attract” approach, it is clear that attractive women want attractive men and high status men want high status women. Like for like.</p> <p>Thus, relationships don’t seem to be about an exchange of goods and services but instead about partner matching. Therefore the apparent robustness of sex differences in preferences may largely be an artifact of the focus on sex at the expense of other more meaningful variables.</p> <p>But why do see this pattern? Why do we want someone like us? Well, if we look across the animal kingdom it’s easy to see that humans are unusual creatures. Monogamy among animals is <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20006552">extremely rare</a>. Even more unusual is paternal care. And because our children take a long time to develop and require the help of a dad, <a href="http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0089539#pone.0089539-Ellis1">long-term stable relationships</a> are likely in the best interest of both parents. Thus, pairing based on similar traits and evaluations as a mate possibly make for more enduring pair-bonds over time.</p> <p>In conclusion, most of us desire to one day find our soul mate. We pine for that one perfect somebody whose sole purpose for existence is to be found by us. But, if we are all seeking our other half, the one who completes us, why do most relationships end in failure? Why is love so full of heartache? Possibly because an “opposites attract” approach to a relationships is doomed from the beginning. If you want to be happy it would seem that you need to be realistic about yourself. Who makes the best mate for you is not some cultural or societal ideal, but someone who matches you.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/37010/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: http://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/ryan-schacht-150392">Ryan Schacht</a>, Postdoctoral Fellow in Anthropology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-utah-1188">University of Utah</a></em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="http://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/forget-opposites-attract-to-be-happy-find-someone-like-you-37010">original article</a>.</em></p>

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“Relaxed” Prince William and Duchess Kate have ramped up PDA since Megxit

<p>It is not something royal watchers are used to seeing, but in a slightly strange turn of events, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have appeared to become more tactile and love-up than they have seemed in a while.</p> <p>A body language expert has noted the pair appear to have “relaxed their royal rules” when completing their duties, and have dabbled in romantic touches and fun body language that indicates a certain change.</p> <p>Body language expert Judi James told <em>Fabulous Digital</em> that their “body language has always veered on the side of bland, but it is also always pitch-perfect for their royal role”.</p> <p><img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7834357/kate-middleton-prince-william-2.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/d3a20da8ac984c2e9d5a8c07a0e8b4e6" /></p> <p style="text-align: center;"><em>Prince William, Duke of Cambridge and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge speak to young people and employers at Bradford Town Hall on January 15, 2020 in Bradford, United Kingdom.</em></p> <p>Over the years, royal watchers have learnt not to expect “non-verbal soap opera from the couple,” but Judi says things have changed.</p> <p>The expert said: “William and Kate do seem to be bringing more non-verbal signals and touches into their ‘routine’ post-Megxit though, apparently understanding that they can push the boundaries a little without suffering from obsessive interest and criticism.</p> <p>“As a result we’re seeing an increase of rituals that are showing the fun and the love but without compromising royal tradition.”</p> <p>A notable gesture done by the couple that hasn’t gone past Judi is the Duke handing his wife a rose while they were greeting supporters – it was a move that the expert perceived was well received from the Duchess.</p> <p><img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7834358/kate-middleton-prince-william-3.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/0a4cd3cad260412f86aae61d323f54c6" /></p> <p style="text-align: center;"><em>Duke and Duchess of Cambridge depart City Hall, Bradford on January 15, 2020. </em></p> <p>She said: “Although he was heavily egged on by the crowds, Kate’s dimpled smile and eye contact showed she appreciated the romantic gesture from her bashful-looking husband”.</p> <p>Not only has the couple appeared more calm and confident with eachother during royal engagements, they also show a closeness when just out and about.</p> <p>“William and Kate are currently showing a capacity for comedy and performing it as a double act to double the laughs,” Judi said.</p> <p><img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7834356/kate-middleton-prince-william-1.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/1d382265c79849d68ff31fcb357d33f7" /></p> <p style="text-align: center;"><em>Duke of Cambridge and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge visit Joe's Ice Cream Parlour in the Mumbles to meet local parents and carers on February 04, 2020 near Swansea, South Wales.</em></p> <p>“Kate tends to be more active and demonstrative but William mimics enough to make it mutual and he seems to mutter asides into Kate’s ear to prompt most of the joking.”</p> <p>Cameras followed the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge competing against one another in a baking challenge set by cooking legend Mary Berry for ITV’s A Berry Royal Christmas.</p> <p>Judi said: “Kate is now instigating more tie-sign touch rituals in public and William is reciprocating.</p> <p>“We might not be seeing the kind of intensely tactile behaviour that we did from Harry and Meghan but the increase in caring or thought-sharing touches shows a post-Megxit approach to a relaxing of the ‘rules’.”</p>

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Dr Phil: Prince Harry married someone just like his mother Princess Diana

<p>When Prince Harry made the announcement that he was marrying Meghan Markle, the world didn’t know how to react.</p> <p>An American-born actress with a successful TV career and social media presence is not the type of woman people thought the Prince would go for.</p> <p>But one person who wasn’t surprised in the slightest was TV psychologist, Dr Phil McGraw.</p> <p>The US talk-show host told TMZ’s royal special<span> </span><em>Harry &amp; Meghan: The Royals in Crisis</em>, that Meghan is very similar to her late mother-in-law Princess Diana in many ways.</p> <p>“I mean, let’s look at who Harry’s mother was and who Harry married,” said Dr Phil.</p> <p>“His mother was sassy, beautiful, independent and here he comes and marries this woman that is sassy, beautiful and independent.</p> <p>“She was not going to be a member of the flock and just follow along like a sheep.”</p> <p>And Dr Phil wasn’t the only one to make comparisons between Meghan and Diana.</p> <p>Controversial figure Piers Morgan has been vocal about his dislike of the Duchess, as he criticised the former actress in the TV special.</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B7EaGS_Jpb9/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="margin: 8px 0 0 0; padding: 0 4px;"><a style="color: #000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B7EaGS_Jpb9/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">“After many months of reflection and internal discussions, we have chosen to make a transition this year in starting to carve out a progressive new role within this institution. We intend to step back as ‘senior’ members of the Royal Family and work to become financially independent, while continuing to fully support Her Majesty The Queen. It is with your encouragement, particularly over the last few years, that we feel prepared to make this adjustment. We now plan to balance our time between the United Kingdom and North America, continuing to honour our duty to The Queen, the Commonwealth, and our patronages. This geographic balance will enable us to raise our son with an appreciation for the royal tradition into which he was born, while also providing our family with the space to focus on the next chapter, including the launch of our new charitable entity. We look forward to sharing the full details of this exciting next step in due course, as we continue to collaborate with Her Majesty The Queen, The Prince of Wales, The Duke of Cambridge and all relevant parties. Until then, please accept our deepest thanks for your continued support.” - The Duke and Duchess of Sussex For more information, please visit sussexroyal.com (link in bio) Image © PA</a></p> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;">A post shared by <a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/sussexroyal/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank"> The Duke and Duchess of Sussex</a> (@sussexroyal) on Jan 8, 2020 at 10:33am PST</p> </div> </blockquote> <p>“If Meghan Markle thinks she is going to emerge from this as some kind of Princess Diana figure, she needs to think again,” said Morgan.</p> <p>“She’s going to end up like a mini royal Kim Kardashian with all the ignominy that goes with that title.</p> <p>“Already you are seeing a big backlash in Britain and the rest of the world really sees what it is, which is a power grab by two ego-mad, self-obsessed, virtue signaling ‘progressive’ young people who basically stamped their feet and the Queen rolled over.”</p> <p>The couple released a statement, revealing one of the reasons they chose to step down from their royal duties was the scrutiny they faced in the media and online since their wedding.</p> <p>Dr Phil weighed in on Harry and Meghan’s comments about this in their ITV documentary filmed during their tour of Africa, where they addressed the trolling the Duchess dealt with during her pregnancy.</p> <p>“At this point she had kind of said ‘you don’t care about how this is affecting me, so I’m not gonna care about how I’m affecting you’,” he hypothesised.</p>

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What is this thing called love?

<p>Love it or loathe it, Valentine’s Day is a celebration of romantic love. But what exactly is romantic love? Researchers are increasingly interested in this question, and the answer is not at all clear.</p> <p><strong>What is an emotion?</strong></p> <p>Everyone from Plato to Taylor Swift has pondered the meaning of love. But, in the last two decades, researchers in the humanities and across the social, behavioural and cognitive sciences have also investigated romantic love.</p> <p>Most – <a href="http://emr.sagepub.com/content/early/2015/07/17/1754073915594431.abstract">though not all</a> – researchers are happy to call romantic love a human emotion. But what researchers mean by “emotion” varies.</p> <p>Some explain emotions as hard-wired biological processes that are innate to humans. Others talk about them as behaviours or experiences that involve cognitive judgements. And still others think emotions are socially constructed, meaning they are social rather than natural phenomena.</p> <p><strong>Romantic love: universal or changeable?</strong></p> <p>Almost everyone separates out romantic love from other kinds of love or intimacy. This separation is usually about sex: when most people talk about romantic love, they mean love that involves sexual desire.</p> <p>Many researchers think this kind of love is experienced by all people across time and place, and there is research to support this. <a href="http://cup.columbia.edu/book/intimacies/9780231134361">Anthropological studies</a> of romantic love across cultures show that love is likely to be a universal human emotion. Neuroscientific investigations of romantic love find similarities in the <a href="http://journals.lww.com/neuroreport/Fulltext/2000/11270/The_neural_basis_of_romantic_love.46.aspx">brain activity</a> or <a href="http://www.clinicalneuropsychiatry.org/pdf/02_marazziti.pdf">chemistry</a> of people who report being in love.</p> <p>But the historian <a href="http://press.uchicago.edu/ucp/books/book/chicago/M/bo13412967.html">William Reddy</a> cautions us not to “make too much of” similarities in romantic love across cultures, and with good reason. There is ample evidence that romantic love varies over time and place.</p> <p><a href="https://rowman.com/ISBN/9780761832324/Love-and-Sex-Cross-Cultural-Perspectives">Cross-cultural studies</a> of romantic love show significant differences in the emotion. And <a href="https://global.oup.com/academic/product/the-english-in-love-9780199594436?cc=au&amp;lang=en&amp;">historical investigations</a> almost always demonstrate changes in how people experience or imagine romantic love over time. Is romantic love universal or changeable? There is research to support both viewpoints.</p> <p><strong>Radical or conservative?</strong></p> <p>Some of the most interesting research into romantic love looks at its personal and political effects. As the sociologist <a href="http://www.polity.co.uk/book.asp?ref=9780745620725">Mary Evans</a> explains, falling in love is meant to take lovers to a new and different place. Studies of people who are in love report that we understand romantic love as <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/1996-14298-001">transformative</a>.</p> <p>And researchers sometimes talk about romantic love as a radical or subversive emotion with the potential to transform society. We can see this particularly in investigations of courtly love. Courtly love was a model of <a href="http://www.abc-clio.com/ABC-CLIOCorporate/product.aspx?pc=C3855C">“aristocratic courtship”</a> found in the literature of medieval France. <a href="http://press.uchicago.edu/ucp/books/book/chicago/M/bo13412967.html">Historians of courtly love</a> often talk about it as a kind of radical resistance to the power of the church.</p> <p>Others talk about romantic love as a deeply problematic emotion in desperate need of critique. These researchers would say that we may think romantic love is the site of personal freedom, but in fact we are living under <a href="https://www.routledge.com/products/9780415162982">“government by love”</a>.</p> <p>This critique was more common in the 1970s, when radical second-wave feminists attacked heterosexual romantic love as oppressive. But some <a href="https://www.routledge.com/products/9780415655484">researchers</a> continue to explain romantic love as one of the ways our lives are regulated and controlled, limiting our intimate possibilities.</p> <p><strong>I want to know what love is</strong></p> <p>Some might say all this proves is that we should stop thinking we can research and understand emotions, and just experience them. But I don’t think so. Emotional experiences are a very significant part of our everyday lives, but they also have public and political effects.</p> <p>Research into emotions gives us insight into the shape of these effects. It shows us the way that war widows were mobilised by their <a href="http://www.cambridge.org/au/academic/subjects/history/history-after-1945-general/living-aftermath-trauma-nostalgia-and-grief-post-war-australia?format=HB&amp;isbn=9780521802185">grief</a> in 20th-century Australia, or how acknowledgements of national <a href="https://jhupbooks.press.jhu.edu/content/guilt-nations">guilt</a> for past injustices might lead to restitution for the disenfranchised.</p> <p>Research into romantic love is built on people’s experiences and understandings of their intimate lives. What if love seems muddy in this research because people’s understandings and experiences of intimacy are muddy? What if the diverse ways that people live their intimate lives cannot be explained by a specific singular category, “romantic love”?</p> <p>If that’s the case, then we don’t really need to worry about fitting into any particular romantic ideal this Valentine’s Day. And romantic love can be whatever we want it to be. Embrace it, avoid it, remake it in your own way. Love your partner, your cat, your friends, everyone, nobody. And don’t apologise for it.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/54053/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: http://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/sarah-pinto-224830">Sarah Pinto</a>, Lecturer in Australian Studies, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/deakin-university-757">Deakin University</a></em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="http://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-is-this-thing-called-love-54053">original article</a>.</em></p>

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Why is it so tough for some to exorcise the ghosts of their romantic pasts?

<p>A friend once grumbled that, given the choice, she’d rather see her ex miserable than herself happy.</p> <p>Few things in life are as traumatic as the end of a long-term, romantic relationship. Nonetheless, many people are able to eventually recover and move on relatively unscathed.</p> <p>Others, like my friend, aren’t so lucky. Even years later, they remain mired in the pain of the experience. Any reminder of their former partner – whether it’s a casual mention in conversation or a Facebook photo – can elicit profound feelings of sadness, anger and resentment.</p> <p>Why is it that some people continue to be haunted by the ghosts of their romantic pasts, struggling to let go of the pain of rejection?</p> <p>In <a href="http://psp.sagepub.com/content/42/1/54.short">a research</a>, my colleague Carol Dweck and I found that rejection actually makes some people redefine themselves – and their future romantic prospects.</p> <p>In one study, we asked people to write about any lessons they’d taken away from a past romantic rejection. Analyzing their responses, we realized that a number of respondents thought the rejection unmasked a basic negative truth about themselves – one that would also sabotage their future relationships. Some said they’d realized that they were too “clingy.” Other thought they’d been “too sensitive” or “bad at communicating.”</p> <p><a href="http://psp.sagepub.com/content/42/1/54.short">Additional studies</a> explored the consequences of believing that rejection had revealed a fundamental flaw. By linking rejection to some aspect of their core identity, people found it more difficult to move on from the experience. Some said they “put up walls” and became warier about new relationships. Others were afraid to disclose the rejection to a new partner, fearing that this person would change their opinion of them, thinking they had “baggage.” (This might explain why some people hide past rejections, treating them like a scar or stigma.)</p> <p>We then wondered: what makes someone more likely to link a romantic rejection to some aspect of “who they really are”? After all, other respondents wrote that rejection was merely a part of life, that it was an important part of growing up and actually caused them to become better people.</p> <p>It turns out that your beliefs about personality can play a big role in how you’ll respond to romantic rejection.</p> <p><a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1207/s15327965pli0604_1">Past research</a> has found that people hold divergent views about their personal characteristics, whether it’s their intelligence or shyness. Some people have a “fixed mindset,” believing that these qualities are unchangeable. In contrast, those who have a “growth mindset” believe that their personality is something that can evolve and develop throughout their lives.</p> <p>These basic beliefs shape how people respond to failure. For example, when people believe that intelligence is fixed, they’ll feel worse about themselves – and are less likely to persist – after experiencing a setback.</p> <p>We thought that beliefs about personality might determine whether people see rejection as a piece of evidence about who they really are – as a sign of whether they are a flawed and undesirable person.</p> <p>In one study, we divided people into two groups: those who think personality is fixed, and those who think personality is malleable. <a href="https://osf.io/h6tm5/">Participants then read one of two stories</a>. In one, we asked them to imagine being left, out of the blue, by a long-term partner. In the other, we asked them to imagine meeting someone at a party, feeling a spark and then later overhearing that person telling a friend that they would never be romantically interested in her or him.</p> <p>We might expect that only a severe rejection from a serious relationship would have the power to make people question who they are. Instead, a pattern emerged. For people with a fixed view of personality, we found that even a rejection from a relative stranger could prompt them to wonder what this rejection unveiled about their core self. These people might worry that there was something so obviously undesirable about them that a person would reject them outright – without even getting to know them.</p> <p>So what can we do to prevent people from linking rejection to the self in this negative way? One promising piece of evidence shows that changing someone’s beliefs about personality can shift his or her reaction to rejections.</p> <p>In a final study, <a href="https://osf.io/yt49a/">we created articles</a> that described personality as something that can evolve throughout the course of a lifetime, rather than as something that’s predetermined. When we asked people with a fixed view of personality to read these articles, they became less likely to interpret rejections as an indication of a permanent, fatal deficiency.</p> <p>By encouraging the belief that personality can change and develop over time, we may be able to help people exorcise the ghosts of their romantic pasts – and move on to satisfying relationships in the future.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/53028/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: http://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lauren-howe-219377">Lauren Howe</a>, Ph.D. Candidate in Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/stanford-university-890">Stanford University</a></em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="http://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-is-it-so-tough-for-some-to-exorcise-the-ghosts-of-their-romantic-pasts-53028">original article</a>.</em></p>

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The touching reason Duchess Kate didn’t wear her engagement ring on her latest outing

<p>At the Duchess of Cambridge’s latest royal outing at the Evelina London Children’s Hospital, she turned heads as she wore a Dolce and Gabbana tweed skirt suit with black pumps and golden drop earrings.</p> <p>However, royal fans were focusing on what she wasn’t wearing: her engagement and eternity rings.</p> <p>Duchess Kate’s 12-carat sapphire engagement ring that once belonged to Princess Diana was missing as well as the Eclipse diamond eternity ring that has been thought to be a push present after the birth of Prince George.</p> <p>According to a report by<span> </span><a rel="noopener noreferrer" href="https://www.hellomagazine.com/royalty/2020012883880/kate-middleton-missing-engagement-eternity-rings/" target="_blank">HELLO!</a><span> </span>magazine, the lack of rings has nothing to do with marriage tensions but was simply for health and safety reasons.</p> <p>Kensington Palace told the publication that the Duchess of Cambridge removed her two rings as she was visiting the children’s wards of the hospital and any potential hygiene hazards were to be removed.</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B73fI9bFm68/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="margin: 8px 0 0 0; padding: 0 4px;"><a style="color: #000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B73fI9bFm68/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">The Duchess of Cambridge visited Evelina London Children’s Hospital today to learn more about the creative art workshops which are delivered by the @nationalportraitgallery Hospital Programme. The NPG works closely with Evelina London to bring workshops and artists into the hospital, helping to support the health, wellbeing and happiness of the children who receive care there. The Duchess joined children and their families who were taking part in a ‘Playful Portraits’ workshop, and helped them to make sets and characters for their own pop-up theatres! 🎭🎨 The Duchess also visited Evelina’s Beach Ward to meet children who were taking part in the workshop at their bedsides. The Duchess is Patron of both Evelina London and the National Portrait Gallery.</a></p> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;">A post shared by <a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/kensingtonroyal/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank"> Kensington Palace</a> (@kensingtonroyal) on Jan 28, 2020 at 6:38am PST</p> </div> </blockquote> <p>Hospital guidelines state that more ornate rings must be removed as they are more likely to carry more germs instead of simple wedding bands.</p> <p>The Duchess still wore her Welsh gold wedding band to the royal outing.</p>

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Queen gives Prince William new title after Harry steps down

<p>Queen Elizabeth has given her grandson, the Duke of Cambridge, a shiny new title after the Duke and Duchess of Sussex stepped down to seek a financially independent life.</p> <p>The royal heir has been appointed Lord High Commissioner to the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland for 2020, it was revealed on Sunday.</p> <p>Prince William, 37, was chosen by Her Majesty to represent The Firm at the General Assembly in May, where he will make the opening and closing statements.</p> <p>“The Queen has appointed Prince William as Lord High Commissioner to the General Assembly of the @churchscotland this year,” Kensington Palace announced on Twitter.</p> <p>The Lord High Commissioner may sound like a tough title, but its goal is simple: maintain the relationship between the State and the Church.</p> <p>The Commissioner is given to a new person each year, on the advice of the Prime Minister and for 2020, her dear grandson has been given the honour.</p> <p>The Lord High Commissioner makes opening and closing addresses to the General Assembly and reports to the Queen on its proceedings.</p> <p>The Queen's children Prince Charles, Princess Anne, Prince Andrew and Prince Edward, have all served as Lord High Commissioners in the past.</p> <p>Just like his predecessors, Prince William will be required to stay at the Palace of Holyroodhouse for the duration of his week-long event and receive a Guard of Honour, a 21-Gun Salute and the keys to the City of Edinburgh, as reported by the <em><a rel="noopener noreferrer" href="http://royal.uk/" target="_blank">Royal.uk</a>.</em></p> <p>It seems the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s calendars are quickly filling up this year, as another royal engagement has been announced for the pair just this week.</p> <p>The couple will attend the red carpet at the glitzy British Academy of Film and Television Arts awards - or BAFTAs - on February 2.</p> <p>2020 is a special year for Prince William as he will be celebrating a decade as BAFTAs president.</p> <p>Prince William and his wife Duchess Catherine are regulars at the lavish awards ceremony and this year, they will celebrate William's 10th year as President of the British Academy of Film and Television Arts.</p>

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​The Nanny's Fran Drescher opens up about her friend with benefits: “It keeps me going”

<p>Fran Drescher has opened up about being single and happy, and a main contributor to this is a sex partner that keeps her company whenever she needs.</p> <p>Former<span> </span><em>The Nanny </em>star told Page Six at a NBC Universal Press Junket that she is currently “dating herself and it’s going quite well.”</p> <p>“I have my gay ex-husband who I love and he fulfils a lot of needs. I have someone on the side who is a friend with benefits.”</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B7bh3SpFTdZ/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B7bh3SpFTdZ/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by Fran Drescher (@officialfrandrescher)</a> on Jan 17, 2020 at 10:03am PST</p> </div> </blockquote> <p>Drescher admitted that due to her extremely tight travel schedule, she sees her casual sex partner about twice a month and said it’s “more than enough”.</p> <p>“It’s delightful and delicious but I’ve got a big life,” she revealed.</p> <p>“(We’re) very comfortable with each other and we have our routine.</p> <p>“It’s always the same experience. We really don’t go out, we don’t go to restaurants, we don’t date. What we do, we do great.”</p> <p>The actress also said when her and her partner are united, she pulls out all the stops.</p> <p>“He comes over, we hang out and we do the hot tub and I make us some food and we lay in bed and maybe we’ll watch tennis together, whatever it is or a movie,” she said.</p> <p>“We talk, we have good conversations.”</p> <p>She added with a giggle: “Of course we have sex, and it’s delightful and it keeps me going.”</p> <p>Drescher chose to keep the identity of the lucky man to herself.</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B6KDSYOFcfw/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B6KDSYOFcfw/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by Fran Drescher (@officialfrandrescher)</a> on Dec 16, 2019 at 6:38pm PST</p> </div> </blockquote> <p>She was previously married to Peter Marc Jacobson for 21 years, but he came out as gay when they broke things off in 1999 and have remained close ever since.</p> <p>The actress was also married to Dr Shiva Ayyadurai from 2014 to 2016.</p>

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Princess Eugenie breaks her silence since Prince Andrew scandal

<p>Princess Eugenie has shared her first Instagram post since her father’s widely panned interview with the BBC about his friendship with convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.</p> <p>The Princess of York broke her two-month social media silence to publish a picture of herself and her husband Jack Brooksbank from 2018 in celebration of the second anniversary of their engagement announcement.</p> <p>“On this day two years ago... Jack and I announced we were engaged,” the 29-year-old wrote in the caption.</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B7oss-zFJ-M/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="margin: 8px 0 0 0; padding: 0 4px;"><a style="color: #000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B7oss-zFJ-M/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">On this day two years ago...Jack and I announced we were engaged.. 💍😘</a></p> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;">A post shared by <a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/princesseugenie/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank"> Princess Eugenie</a> (@princesseugenie) on Jan 22, 2020 at 12:48pm PST</p> </div> </blockquote> <p>Royal fans welcomed the princess’ return to Instagram. “Welcome back to Instagram. I hope you and Jack are doing well,” one commented.</p> <p>The princess’ last Instagram post was on November 16, the same day that Prince Andrew’s interview about his links to Epstein aired on the BBC.</p> <p>Eugenie tied the knot with Brooksbank in October 2018. Last year, the princess marked their first anniversary with a video from the pair’s wedding day.</p> <p>Eugenie’s elder sister Beatrice got engaged to property developer Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi in September 2019. Their wedding is expected to take place this year.</p>

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4 ways to make gossip less toxic

<p>Gossip gets a bad rap. There’s no doubt that the act of gossiping about someone can sometimes be damaging and negative. But there is such a thing as “good gossip” and the very act of gossiping can actually help the way we interact with each other. If we follow some simple steps we can take part in gossip without it ending in tears.</p> <p>Gossip is defined as talking about and evaluating someone when they aren’t there. But we can use gossip to learn about the rules of behaviour in social groups and get closer to each other. It helps us do this by letting us learn important information without the need to actually talk to every group member. So <a href="http://www.rotarybalilovina.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Dunbar%20gossip.pdf">gossiping is efficient</a> and those who gossip can use this social currency to gain <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/1994-98161-013">positions of power</a>.</p> <p>But being a gossip also has a dark side. Gossips are generally viewed as <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Sally_Farley/publication/230486595_Is_gossip_power_The_inverse_relationships_between_gossip_power_and_likability/links/00b495310c2dc52ecf000000.pdf">unlikeable, untrustworthy and weak</a>. Even <a href="https://muse.jhu.edu/article/23570/summary">children as young as nine</a> regard those who spread information about other people as less likeable and less deserving of rewards. There is also evidence that gossiping may <a href="https://e-space.mmu.ac.uk/559453/1/ACCEPTED%20VERSION_Short%20term%20effects%20of%20gossip%20behavior%20on%20self-esteem.pdf">make us feel bad about ourselves</a>, regardless of whether what we have said is nasty or nice. And, of course, there are the consequences for the person you have gossiped about, who may suffer psychologically if they find out they were the target of gossip.</p> <p>Although the research on the group benefits of gossip suggests we need to keep gossiping, we need to do so with the potential negative effects in mind. So how do we keep gossiping without creating a toxic social atmosphere?</p> <p><strong>Keep it secret</strong></p> <p>There are clear negative consequences if you learn that you have been the target of gossip. Those who know they have been gossiped about at work, for example, <a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/13594329608414854">experience less physical and psychological well-being</a>. When we learn about social rules through gossip, we are learning about what rules we should follow, but also about what actions we should avoid if we want to be a valued member of our group. The advantage of learning about group transgressions in this way is that we do not have to have an awkward confrontation with the person who has transgressed. If we want gossip to oil the wheels of social interaction, but not cause conflict and upset, we need to be discrete.</p> <p><strong>Make it useful</strong></p> <p>Although there is plenty of evidence that we dislike those who gossip frequently, this depends on the perceived motive of the gossiper. If the listener feels that you are attempting to help the group when you share the gossip, they can be much more forgiving. For example, <a href="http://evolution.binghamton.edu/dswilson/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/DSW18.pdf">in a study where a gossiper shared information about a cheating student</a>, they were only disliked where they were sharing this information for selfish reasons. Where they expressed the gossip in a way which focused on fairness for the whole student group, it was the cheater who was disliked, not the gossiper.</p> <p>Ensuring that gossip is useful can also help to alleviate the negative feelings gossipers have when they share gossip. In a study where <a href="https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/f2bc/7a1779ea7bdaf3fc9b0544e79771b1dd7fc9.pdf">a participant saw another person cheating</a>, it made the participant uncomfortable knowing about the cheat. But they felt better when they were able to warn the other participants about the cheat’s bad behaviour.</p> <p><strong>Do not tell lies</strong></p> <p>Gossip which is not true does not offer the same social learning benefits as that which is true. False gossip risks conflict and upset to the target of gossip but this action is not justified by benefits to the group, so the gossiper may feel worse about spreading information they know to be false that they usually would when communicating gossip. The gossiper also risks being “found out” by their listeners. People <a href="http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.948.434&amp;rep=rep1&amp;type=pdf">can employ sophisticated strategies</a> – including comparing the information they gain to existing knowledge – to protect themselves from being influenced by malicious gossip.</p> <p><strong>Connect with your listener</strong></p> <p>Effective gossip is not just about what you say, or about whom. It is also about how you say it. Of course, you can make the benefits of the gossip clear to your listener by clearly explaining why you have shared the information. But sharing particularly emotional reactions to the information may help you to connect with your listener and avoid negative reactions. When we share emotional reactions to others with someone, <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Kim_Peters/publication/5863992_From_Social_Talk_to_Social_Action_Shaping_the_Social_Triad_With_Emotion_Sharing/links/58404f1208ae2d21755f3079.pdf">they feel closer to us</a>, especially when they agree with the reaction we share. Sharing how you feel may encourage the listener to react more favourably to your gossiping behaviour.</p> <p>So the next time you need to share some gossip stop and ask yourself whether the information will stay secret from the person you’re talking about and whether it is useful. And do not be afraid to share your emotions with your listener. This way you can hopefully engage in “good gossip” and reap the social rewards which come with it.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/75318/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: http://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jenny-cole-351173">Jenny Cole</a>, Senior Lecturer in Social Psychology, <a href="http://theconversation.com/institutions/manchester-metropolitan-university-860">Manchester Metropolitan University</a></em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="http://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-science-of-gossip-four-ways-to-make-it-less-toxic-75318">original article</a>.</em></p>

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Why Prince Harry and Meghan’s new titles are even confusing Buckingham Palace

<p>When Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan announced they would be stepping down as senior members of the royal family, a spanner was thrown into the works of a meticulously run Palace – one that is still having trouble smoothing out all the kinks.</p> <p>Buckingham Palace announced the Duke and Duchess of Sussex would be giving up not only their royal duties but the role of representing the Queen in a formal capacity and their HRH titles.</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B7ld5OWnQ4N/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B7ld5OWnQ4N/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by Duchess of Sussex (@sussex.meghan)</a> on Jan 21, 2020 at 6:41am PST</p> </div> </blockquote> <p>When the statement was released, royals from the palace also verified that the pair would now be dubbed Harry, Duke of Sussex, and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex.</p> <p>However, as it would turn out, it is not as straightforward as it seems and according to a new report from<span> </span><em><a rel="noopener noreferrer" href="https://people.com/royals/meghan-markle-and-prince-harrys-titles-post-exit-have-sparked-confusion-even-among-royal-aides/" target="_blank">PEOPLE</a>,<span> </span></em>Palace experts are reviewing the new titles of Prince Harry and Meghan.</p> <p>According to latest sources, the new title involves both Princess Diana and Sarah Ferguson who divorced from their royal spouses – Prince Charles and Prince Andrew – and as a result, were touted as Diana, Princess of Wales, and Sarah, Duchess of York.</p> <p>The issue is – there has not been any divorce between Prince Harry and Meghan so questions arise as to whether their new titles are in fact correct.</p> <p>While there's no sure answer yet as to what the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s official titles will be moving forward, we can still refer to them as their Royal Highnesses until their transition period deadline of Spring 2020 is over.</p> <p>Prince Harry’s position in line to the throne has not changed and he remains sixth-in-line while his son, eight-month-old Archie is just behind his dad as seventh-in-line.</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B7krFoaioIY/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B7krFoaioIY/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by Meghan and Harry❤ (@meghan_and_harry)</a> on Jan 20, 2020 at 11:17pm PST</p> </div> </blockquote> <p>Last Monday, Prince Harry attended the Sandringham Summit to discuss his and Duchess Meghan’s future with the Queen, Prince Charles and Prince William.</p> <p>Following Kensington Palace announcing the new plans set in place for the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, Harry attended a private dinner for charity Sentebale and delivered a hearty and emotional speech.</p> <p>"It brings me great sadness that it has come to this," he told the room.</p> <p>"The decision I have made for my wife and I to step back is not one I made lightly... Our hope was to continue serving the Queen, the Commonwealth and my military associations, but without public funding. Unfortunately, that wasn't possible."</p> <p>He continued: "I've accepted this, knowing that it doesn't change who I am or how committed I am.</p> <p>"But I hope that helps you understand what it had to come to, that I would step my family back from all I have ever known, to take a step forward into what I hope can be a more peaceful life."</p> <p>Prince Harry is believed to be back in Canada with Meghan and Archie, where they plan to forge ahead with their new life away from the prying eyes of the British tabloids.</p>

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The lies we tell on dating apps to find love

<p>Nearly <a href="http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2018/02/13/8-facts-about-love-and-marriage/">one-fourth of young adults</a> are looking for love through dating websites or apps.</p> <p>This relatively new form of courtship <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201404/pros-and-cons-online-dating">can give you access to a large pool of potential partners</a>. It also presents a unique set of challenges.</p> <p>For example, you’ve probably heard about – or have personally experienced – a date that was planned online but didn’t go well for <a href="https://www.huffingtonpost.com/greg-hodge/online-dating-lies_b_1930053.html">one of the following reasons</a>: He was shorter than his profile said he was, she looked different in person than she did in her photos, or he was talkative over text but it was like pulling teeth at dinner.</p> <p>In other words, a person’s profile – and the messages sent before a date – might not capture who a person really is.</p> <p><a href="https://academic.oup.com/joc/article/68/3/547/4986443">In a 2018 paper</a>, my colleague <a href="https://comm.stanford.edu/faculty-hancock/">Jeff Hancock</a> and <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=-GBU6qkAAAAJ&amp;hl=en">I</a> wondered: How often do people who use dating apps lie? What sort of things are they prone to lie about?</p> <p><strong>‘My phone died at the gym’</strong></p> <p>Our studies are some of the first to address these questions, but others have also examined deception in online dating.</p> <p>Past research <a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167208318067">focused largely on the dating profile</a>. Studies have found, for example, that men tend to overstate their height and lie about their occupation, while women understate their weight and <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1460-2466.2009.01420.x">tend to have less accurate photos</a> than their counterparts.</p> <p>But profiles are only one aspect of the online dating process. Only after messaging your match will you decide if you want to meet him or her.</p> <p>To understand how often people lied to their partners and what they falsified, we evaluated hundreds of text messages exchanged after daters swiped right, but before they met – a period we call “the discovery phase.” We recruited an online sample of over 200 participants who provided us with their messages from a recent dating conversation and identified the lies, with some participants explaining why these messages were deceptive and not jokes.</p> <p>We found that lies could be categorized into two main types. The first kind were lies related to self-presentation. If participants wanted to present themselves as more attractive, for example, they would lie about how often they went to the gym. Or if their match appeared to be religious, they might lie about how often they read the Bible to make it seem as if they had similar interests.</p> <p>The second kind of lies were related to availability management, with daters describing why they couldn’t meet, or giving excuses for radio silence, like lying about their phone losing service.</p> <p>These deceptions are <a href="https://dl.acm.org/citation.cfm?id=1518701.1518782">called “butler lies”</a> because they’re a relatively polite way to avoid communication without completely closing the door on the connection. If you’ve ever texted, “Sorry I went AWOL, my phone died,” when you just didn’t want to talk, you’ve told a butler lie.</p> <p>Butler lies don’t make you a bad person. Instead, they can help you avoid <a href="https://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/about-you/7-signs-of-a-desperate-dater/">dating pitfalls</a>, such as appearing always available or desperate.</p> <p><strong>Purposeful or pervasive lies?</strong></p> <p>While deceptions over self-presentation and availability accounted for most lies, we observed that only 7 percent of all messages were rated as false in our sample.</p> <p>Why such a low deception rate?</p> <p>A robust finding across recent deception studies suggests that the majority of people are honest and that there are only <a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0261927X14528804">a few prolific liars</a> in our midst.</p> <p>Lying to appear like a good match or lying about your whereabouts can be completely rational behaviors. In fact, most people online <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563216304800">expect it</a>. There’s also a benefit <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1jVvQbvZLQ">to lying just a little bit</a>: It can make us stand out in the dating pool, while making us feel we’ve stayed true to who we are.</p> <p>However, outright and pervasive lies – mentioning your love for dogs, but actually being allergic to them – can undermine trust. One too many big lies can be problematic for finding “the one.” There was another interesting result that speaks to the nature of deception during the discovery phase. In our studies, the number of lies told by a participant was positively associated with the number of lies they believed their partner told.</p> <p>So if you’re honest and tell few lies, you think that others are being honest as well. If you’re looking for love but are lying to get it, there’s a good chance that you’ll think others are lying to you, too.</p> <p>Therefore, telling little lies for love is normal, and we do it because it serves a purpose – not just because we can.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/101061/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: http://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/david-markowitz-528569">David Markowitz</a>, Assistant Professor of Social Media Data Analytics, <a href="http://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-oregon-811">University of Oregon</a></em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="http://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-lies-we-tell-on-dating-apps-to-find-love-101061">original article</a>.</em></p>

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Archie’s godparents finally revealed after months of rumours

<p>Little Archie’s godparents have been revealed, after many months of debate, to be two of Prince Harry close confidantes throughout his childhood.</p> <p>Tiggy Pettifer, Harry and William's former nanny, and Mark Dyer, his mentor, were asked by the Duke and Duchess of Sussex to be Archie's godparents ahead of his christening last July, according to The Sun.</p> <p>Tiggy, who was considered an essential asset to the royal family for both Prince William and Harry, left the royal household and married a former Coldstream Guards Officer, Charles Pettifer.</p> <p><img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7834027/tiggy-pettifer-plus-mark-dyer-1.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/92b28663b7914205a3725e6821b8401b" /></p> <p style="text-align: center;"><em>Tiggy Legge-Bourke and Mark Dyer attend the Sovereign's Parade at Sandhurst Military Academy to watch Prince Harry pass-out as commissioned officer Second Lieutenant Harry Wales of the Blues and Royals on April 12, 2006</em></p> <p>She was photographed in Windsor on the day of Archie's christening, and has been spotted with both of Prince Charles’ boys while they were still teenagers.</p> <p>Mark Dyer, 53, is a former equerry to the Prince of Wales who became a mentor and friend to his sons.</p> <p>He advised them on their military careers and is believed to have remained a close friend of Prince Harry.</p> <p><img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7834028/tiggy-pettifer-plus-mark-dyer-2.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/8617a9c27d294893b7063d9c672e72b9" /></p> <p style="text-align: center;"><em>Tiggy Legge-Bourke and Mark Dyer attend the Sovereign's Parade at Sandhurst Military Academy to watch Prince Harry pass-out as commissioned officer Second Lieutenant Harry Wales of the Blues and Royals on April 12, 2006</em></p> <p>Harry and Meghan have been determined since their relationship was first made public to do things differently from the rest of the royal family, and this included keeping their first son, Archie, as far away from media scrutiny and the eyes of the public as possible.</p> <p>Baby Archie's christening took place at Windsor Castle on July 6.</p> <p>The godparents' names were revealed as Harry and Meghan are planning their new life away from the royal family as they split time between the UK and North America.</p> <p>A statement from The Queen said she was aware of the overwhelming scrutiny the Harry and Meghan has gone through over the last few years and that the family has found "a constructive and supportive way forward".</p> <p>"Harry, Meghan and Archie will always be much loved members of my family," the monarch said.</p> <p><a rel="noopener" href="https://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/family-pets/the-queen-s-secret-message-to-harry-and-meghan" target="_blank">Buckingham Palace released in a statement that the Sussexes will not use their HRH titles and will be commonly known as Harry, Duke of Sussex and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex.</a></p>

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Prince Harry’s ex-girlfriend breaks her silence

<p>Cressida Bonas has broken her silence on her ex-boyfriend Prince Harry’s decision to step back from his royal duties with his wife Meghan.</p> <p>In an interview with <em><a href="https://www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle/esmagazine/cressida-bonas-interview-selfdoubt-and-overcoming-labels-a4335111.html">ES Magazine</a></em>, the English actress and model – who dated Prince Harry from 2012 to 2014 – was asked if she related to the Duchess Meghan’s struggle with public scrutiny.</p> <p>Bonas declined to comment “out of respect” for the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.</p> <p>“I wouldn’t take a position on that because it would be a headline,” Bonas said.</p> <p>“I want to talk about my work. And also out of respect. What’s the expression? How would I feel if the shoe was on the other foot and it was an ex talking about me? It feels like a long time ago, so when it comes up it feels strange because I’m in a very different place now – I’m getting married, I’ve learned a lot. I’m much more comfortable in my own skin. I’m growing.”</p> <p>Bonas said despite having broken up with the Prince six years ago, she still found herself courting questions about their relationship.</p> <p>“The hurdles and barriers for me are when I’m trying to do my work and people want to talk about him,” the 30-year-old said.</p> <p>“I work very hard and love what I do – I just want to continue. But it is still something I have to contend with.”</p> <p>Bonas, the granddaughter of Edward Curzon, 6th Earl Howe, has remained friends with Prince Harry and attended his wedding in 2018. She is now engaged to property developer Harry Wentworth-Stanley.</p>

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Whose side are you on? Hugh Grant weighs in on Megxit

<p>Hugh Grant, 59, has weighed in on the controversy swarming the British Royal Family and given his final opinion as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex prepare to step down as senior members.</p> <p>The actor has endured his fair share of scandals over the years and told<span> </span><em><a rel="noopener noreferrer" href="https://www.news.com.au/entertainment/movies/new-movies/hugh-grant-backs-harry-and-meghan-amid-royal-crisis/news-story/385e52183bcdd310416e884a2b27881c/" target="_blank">news.com.au</a></em><span> </span>that Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan’s announcement was understandable considering the Duke’s own experience with losing his mother, Princess Diana who died in 1997.</p> <p>“All I will say is that if I was Harry, and my mother had effectively been murdered by the British newspapers, to then watch your wife being taken to pieces by them, I would, like him, be very protective.”</p> <p>Princess Di lost her life in a horrific car accident as the vehicle she was in sped away from paparazzi in Paris. Prince Harry was just 12 years old at the time of her death.</p> <p>This past October, the now 35-year-old father of one, Archie, spoke openly about the tragic death of his mother on<span> </span><em><a rel="noopener noreferrer" href="https://www.itv.com/news/2019-10-17/prince-harry-diana-grief-meghan-markle-an-african-journey-itv-tom-bradby/" target="_blank">ITV News.</a></em></p> <p>“I think being part of this family, in this role and this job, every single time I see a camera, every single time I hear a click, every single time I see a flash, it takes me straight back,” he told the outlet.</p> <p>“So in that respect, it’s the worst reminder of her life as opposed to the best.”</p> <p>Grant has his own rocky relationship with the British tabloids and told<span> </span><a rel="noopener noreferrer" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TtgoV2CeNE&amp;feature=youtu.be" target="_blank"><em>SiriusXM’s “Radio Andy”</em></a><span> </span>that he thought “as a man, it’s [Harry’s] job to protect his family so I’m with him.”</p> <p>Prince Harry met with his grandmother Queen Elizabeth II, father Prince Charles and older brother Prince William, on Monday to discuss his and Duchess Meghan’s future within the royal family.</p> <p>Later the next day, Her Majesty released a statement after historic summit to announce she and her family were “entirely supportive” of her grandson, wife and son, although she “would have preferred” to have the couple remain as full-time royals.</p>

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