Relationships

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Feel like you don’t have control over your life following a breakup? You’ll recover, says science

<p>Losing a person in your life, from relationship breakup, divorce or death is a stressful event and now researchers have looked at how long it takes to recover a personal sense of control.</p> <p>Relationship breakups reduce your sense of control – but only temporarily.</p> <p>A study in PLOS One has found that people feel they have less control over their lives in the 12 months following a separation. But after this, their sense of control gradually recovers.</p> <p>Conversely, people feel more in control in the year following the death of a partner. Perhaps oddly divorce has no impact on one’s sense of control – although the research refers to the end of the process, not the often-traumatic beginning.</p> <p>The researchers, who are based at Humboldt-Universität zu Berlin, Germany examined data from the Socio-Economic Panel Study, a German longitudinal study which has been running since 1984. In 1994, 1995 and 1996, study participants were asked about their sense of control over their own lives.</p> <p>The researchers examined 1,235 people who had separated from their partners, 423 who divorced, and 437 whose partners died.</p> <p>Women were more likely to have lost some of their sense of control following a separation, but, like men, on average they regained this sense of control after a year. Younger people were more likely to report an increased sense of control after a breakup than older people.</p> <p>The opposite was true if a participant’s partner had died. In that case, older people were more likely to experience an increase in control and younger people were more likely to report a decrease.</p> <p>“After losing their spouse, individuals might not only regain capabilities to shape their own daily routines but also recognize to be able to deal with life despite this tragic experience, resulting into higher perceived control,” suggest the researchers in their paper.</p> <p>The researchers couldn’t find a link between perceived control and divorce. They state this is possibly because divorce is formalised at least a year after separating, meaning at this point people have recovered their sense of control.</p> <p>“Our findings suggest that people sometimes grow from stressful experiences – at least regarding specific personality characteristics,” write the authors.</p> <p>“In the years after losing a romantic partner, participants in our study became increasingly convinced in their ability to influence their life and future by their own behaviour.</p> <p>“Their experience enabled them to deal with adversity and manage their life independently, which allowed them to grow.”</p> <p><strong>This article appeared on <a href="https://cosmosmagazine.com/people/breakups-relationships-control/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">cosmosmagazine.com</a> and was written by Ellen Phiddian.</strong></p> <p><em>Image: Shuttertock</em></p>

Relationships

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"My special big sissy": Princess Eugenie's birthday wishes

<p>Princess Eugenie has taken to social media to wish her big sister Beatrice a happy birthday.</p> <p>Her instagram post featured an album full of images, all showing the close siblings looking glamorous and happy.</p> <p>Sharing the selection of pictures to her 1.6 million followers, Eugenie wrote: “Happy Birthday to my special big sissy. Love you so much.”</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/ChAXylqoayI/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/ChAXylqoayI/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Princess Eugenie (@princesseugenie)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>Meanwhile, Beatrice's husband Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi, aged 38, also used the social media platform to wish his wife a happy birthday in a sweet post, calling her the “world’s best wife”.</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/ChAYHysIm61/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/ChAYHysIm61/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Edo Mapelli Mozzi (@edomapellimozzi)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p>Royal fans flooded the comments section of Eugenie's post with celebratory well-wishes for the princess. Beatrice, mother-of-one, has been spotted attending Glastonbury, Royal Ascot, a summer ball and a Rolling Stones Concert all in a matter of weeks, making her quite the social butterfly.</p> <p><em>Image: Instagram</em></p>

Relationships

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Taika Waititi and Rita Ora tie the knot

<p>Actor and director Taika Waititi has reportedly tied the knot with his pop-star partner Rita Ora. </p> <p>Sources claim the A-list couple married in an intimate ceremony in London, with rumours Rita has already changed her surname and will now be known as Mrs Waititi-Ora.</p> <p>Taika and Rita reportedly got engaged two months ago after going public with their relationship in August 2021. </p> <p>Despite holding a private ceremony for their nuptials, sources claim they are planning a huge Hollywood bash with all their celebrity friends to celebrate their secret wedding. </p> <p>A source told <a href="https://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/19454799/rita-ora-marries-taika-waititi/" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener">The Sun,</a> "It was a really intimate ceremony and super special for everyone there. Their nearest and dearest can see how madly in love they are."</p> <p>"Despite living in the spotlight, Rita is determined to keep the relationship as private as possible and didn't want to make a big song and dance about the wedding."</p> <p>In recent days, Rita has done little to quash speculation that she and Taika had secretly tied the knot, after she was seen wearing a gold band on her ring finger while on a trip to Paris. </p> <p>Rita's post came just days after the couple fuelled speculation that they have married, after the <em>Thor</em> director was also seen sporting a wedding band.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Relationships

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Adorable honeymoon photos of Ash Barty and husband Garry Kissick

<p dir="ltr">Ash Barty’s husband Garry Kissick has shared beautiful images from the pair’s honeymoon after they secretly wed.</p> <p dir="ltr">The loved up couple, who have been together for seven years, <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/game-set-and-match-ash-barty-ties-the-knot" target="_blank" rel="noopener">tied the knot </a>in an intimate wedding in Queensland.</p> <p dir="ltr">The newlyweds then jetsetted to Queenstown, New Zealand with husband Garry sharing heartwarming images together as they celebrated love.</p> <p dir="ltr">Several of the images showed Ash and Garry posing for the camera in standalone photos or when they’re hugging.</p> <p dir="ltr">They shared stunning photos of the immaculate views they are being treated to in Queenstown as they enjoy the snow, the waterside, long drives, and of course some golf courses.</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CgyysgahjFw/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CgyysgahjFw/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Garry Kissick (@gazlfc90)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p dir="ltr">Ash, 26, and Garry, 29, announced their engagement in November 2021 and the professional tennis player was unsure of whether or not she should share the news.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Garry and I have been together for a long time now and I had designed the ring with him,” she previously said.</p> <p dir="ltr">“We are obviously excited now for the next chapter. We were at home on the couch with the puppies.</p> <p dir="ltr">“It was very much just us. It was perfect for us. Everyone has their unique way of doing it.”</p> <p dir="ltr">So when the pair married in a secret wedding, Ash shared an image wearing the wedding dress and Garry in a suit with the simple caption, “Husband &amp; Wife”.</p> <p dir="ltr">Ash was also vocal about having an intimate wedding with close family and friends with details of the special day yet to be revealed.</p> <p dir="ltr">However, it is believed that Ash’s incredible wedding dress was designed by Suzanne Harward, who has been creating wedding dresses since 1975.</p> <p dir="ltr">The dress sits around the $10,000 price.</p> <p dir="ltr">Their wedding comes just a few short months after Barty shocked the tennis world by <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/news/news/ash-barty-announces-retirement" target="_blank" rel="noopener">announcing her retirement</a>.</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CgodNphhRB6/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CgodNphhRB6/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Ash Barty (@ashbarty)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p dir="ltr">“I will be retiring from tennis. It’s the first time I’ve actually said that out loud and it’s hard to say,” she said in an Instagram video.</p> <p dir="ltr">“But I’m so happy and I’m so ready and I just know at the moment in my heart for me as a person, this is right.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I’m so grateful to everything that tennis has given me. It’s given me all of my dreams, plus more.</p> <p dir="ltr">“But I know that the time is right now for me to step away and chase other dreams. And put the racquets down.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Since her retirement, the former World No.1 has released <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/entertainment/books/ash-barty-s-books-released" target="_blank" rel="noopener">a series of children’s books</a> titled, Little Ash.</p> <p dir="ltr">Click below to see the heartwarming images from Ash and Garry’s honeymoon.</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Images: Instagram</em></p>

Relationships

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Small gestures are most important in relationships

<p>It’s not grand gestures and lavish gifts that make love last but the little things that you do and say that show how much you care.  </p> <p>The Enduring Love project by Open University in Britain surveyed more than 5,000 people on their relationships and found, contrary to popular belief, it’s not big displays of love that count but the mundane, day-to-day gestures, like sharing a cup of coffee, that helped sustain a relationship and were crucial to relationship satisfaction.</p> <p>“Surprise gifts and small acts of kindness were valued highly, with ‘a cup of tea’ being singled out as a significant sign of their partner's appreciation. Bouquets of flowers and boxes of chocolates were seen as less important than the thoughtfulness behind the gesture,” the study states.</p> <p>Jacqui Gabb, co-author of the project, noted, “Actions really do speak louder than words and many people consider a loving gesture to be as valuable as hearing ‘I love you’. Grand romantic gestures, although appreciated, don't nurture a relationship as much as bringing your partner a cup of tea in bed, or watching TV together.”</p> <p>The project identified sharing values, faith, beliefs, tastes, ambitions and interests with their partner, as well as expressions of intimacy and being aware of one another’s needs as important to relationship satisfaction. It also found having children affected relationship quality more than any other factor and mothers are happiest in their life than any other group.</p> <p>Co-author Janet Fink said: "With a tough economic climate, the rise in grey divorce and social media opening up new ways to start affairs, it isn't always easy to keep love alive today. However, our survey has shown that surviving adversities – even very difficult situations such as being out of work – can make a relationship much stronger. What doesn't break you can make you."</p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong><a href="../lifestyle/dating/2015/09/do-we-date-our-type/">In love, do we really prefer a “type”?</a></strong></em></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong><a href="../lifestyle/dating/2015/07/love-lessons-from-past/">Old-school dating lessons you SHOULD teach your grandkids</a></strong></em></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong><a href="../lifestyle/dating/2015/07/elderly-couple-wedding-photos/">Wedding photos that prove you’re never too old to find the one</a></strong></em></span></p>

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8 key steps to healing after loss

<p dir="ltr">Healing may mean different things to different people and may also look different, but it has one common theme: getting better. Healing may seem simple, yet it is a complex process that often involves many intricate aspects and phases coming together in perfect synchronicity.</p> <p dir="ltr">In straightforward terms, healing means finding relief and getting and feeling better, which can be felt physically, emotionally and spiritually. </p> <p dir="ltr">Healing is not an easy process and nobody knows how long it will take for any individual to start feeling better. </p> <p dir="ltr">However, one thing is for sure: healing needs your active participation, and possibly even your complete devotion. </p> <p dir="ltr">It can be hard work and it requires intention, focus, support, faith, understanding, compassion, empathy and a large dose of love. </p> <p dir="ltr">Healing from any type of loss is a lifelong commitment. Although the work of healing yourself is always ongoing, it can be seen as a promise to be restored, a pledge to feel joy again.</p> <p dir="ltr">Through my exploration into healing my own trauma and working with grief I have found eight key elements that are vital in helping to move forward and embrace the joy of living. </p> <p dir="ltr">It can be a tough process but I have learned one simple fact: there is nothing wrong with admitting I am a work in progress and I am not perfect. </p> <p dir="ltr"><em>You</em> are a work in progress and <em>you</em> are not perfect, and that is completely fine. Acceptance of who you have become and who you are at the present moment will bring you inner peace. </p> <p dir="ltr">I hope you will find the eight key elements useful on your healing journey.</p> <p dir="ltr">1. Make your intention to heal clear to the universe and, more importantly, to yourself. Use the following affirmation: ‘I am ready to heal.’</p> <p dir="ltr">2. Focus your attention: do not allow distractions or self-destructive talk. Take a few cleansing breaths to focus your mind and direct your attention on what you need to address in order to ease the healing process.</p> <p dir="ltr">3. Keep an open heart: always keep your heart open to welcoming love and joy no matter how hard it is.</p> <p dir="ltr">4. Release everything that does not serve you in your quest for healing. Use the following affirmation: ‘I release any negative energy that is obstructing my healing process. I invite only positive energy to bless my healing process.’</p> <p dir="ltr">5. Commit to undertaking the healing work every day. Use the following affirmation: ‘I commit to always do what it takes to heal every single day.’</p> <p dir="ltr">6. Have hope: inculcate a desire for change, as it will keep the flame of trust burning. 7. Love: love is our blueprint for life. Always go back to love.</p> <p dir="ltr">8. Have faith: faith is knowing deep inside you will be all right. You may never be complete, but you will still be doing just fine.</p> <p dir="ltr">Do not fear grief, for it is a natural process and a partner in your healing. Remember: healing is an ongoing process so always be gentle and compassionate with yourself.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Edited extract from The Art of Grieving: Gentle self-care practices to heal a broken heart (Rockpool Publishing, $29.95), by Corinne Laan. Now available where all good books are sold and online at <a href="http://www.rockpoolpublishing.co" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.rockpoolpublishing.co</a> </strong></p> <p><span id="docs-internal-guid-47c72fc2-7fff-6c33-bca6-f375763eed59"></span></p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image: Shutterstock</em></p>

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Why Steve Carell thought his wife hated him when they first met

<p dir="ltr">Hollywood actor Steve Carell thought his now wife Nancy hated him when they first met. </p> <p dir="ltr">The comedians met in the early 90s at The Second City, a comedy club in Chicago where Steve was a teacher. </p> <p dir="ltr">Steve was “immediately attracted” to Nancy and that she ticked all the boxes but didn’t know how to go about asking her out.</p> <p dir="ltr">“She kind of checked all the boxes in my head, but I thought she hated me because she was very quiet around me,” he previously told <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/jun/28/steve-carell-despicable-me-family-values" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Guardian</a>. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I thought she for sure knew that I was full of it, and I later found out that she was just as nervous as I was and trying to act cool.” </p> <p dir="ltr">The pair would spend a lot of time together, during improv and at the bar Nancy was a bartender at which was just across the road from the comedy club.</p> <p dir="ltr">There was constant flirting mixed with nervousness and timid feelings as each of them were unsure of what to do.</p> <p dir="ltr">Eventually, Steve bit the bullet and asked Nancy out almost indirectly to which she indirectly said yes.</p> <p dir="ltr">"The conversation would go something like, 'Hey, you know, if I were ever to ask a woman out, it would be someone like you. Exactly like you,'" he said on Ellen.</p> <p dir="ltr">"And she'd say, 'If a guy like you were ever to ask a woman like me out, I would definitely do that.'"</p> <p dir="ltr">"Other people at the bar must have been like, 'Just do it! Put us all out of our misery.' And finally, we did. It was great."</p> <p dir="ltr">The loved up couple eventually wed in 1995 and Steve felt a sense of calm as she walked down the aisle. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I'll never forget standing at the altar and I saw her coming down the aisle – immediately a sense of calm came over me,” he said. </p> <p dir="ltr">“There was an ethereal sense of how right it all was and more than anything it was very empowering knowing that person was going to be my partner and have my back. It just made me feel strong, and I'll never forget it.”</p> <p dir="ltr">They eventually had two children, Elisabeth, now 21, and John, 18. </p> <p dir="ltr">The pair also appeared together in several projects including <em>The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Angie Tribeca</em> and <em>The Office</em>, in which Nancy played the love interest to Steve's character Michael Scott.</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image: Getty</em></p>

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Queen Elizabeth II in mourning

<p dir="ltr">Queen Elizabeth II is in mourning after her life-long friend passed away. </p> <p dir="ltr">Lady Myra Butter, a descendent of Tsar Nicholas I of Russia and poet, novelist and playwright, Alexander Pushkin, died “peacefully” at the age of 97 in London. </p> <p dir="ltr">"Lady Butter was a daughter of Sir Harold and Lady Zia Wernher, and a granddaughter of Grand Duke Michael Mikhailovich of Russia and Countess de Torby,” managing editor of Majesty Magazine Joe Little wrote. </p> <p dir="ltr">"Myra was a close friend of the Queen and Prince Philip since childhood and from time to time appeared in royal documentaries."</p> <p dir="ltr">Lady Butter created the Pushkin award, which helped celebrate literary work in honour of her ancestor. </p> <p dir="ltr">She was married to Sir David Butter to who she had five kids with - and the Queen was the godmother of their eldest child, Sandra Elizabeth Zia.</p> <p dir="ltr">Lady Butter grew up with the Queen and her sister Princess Margaret, and spent their holidays together. </p> <p dir="ltr">She was also a guest at the Queen’s wedding to Prince Philip, the late Duke of Edinburgh, in 1947. </p> <p dir="ltr">“The war had been so grey that the royal wedding seemed to signify the world coming to life again,” Lady Butter previously told The Daily Mail. </p> <p dir="ltr">"Everyone was determined to have a new dress for the day and I wore a blue ribbed silk dress by Dior. It was one of the first three-quarter length dresses, and I wore it with a feathered hat. I had new shoes and a bag, too – any excuse.</p> <p dir="ltr">"All the people from the Commonwealth made the ceremony very colourful and the choir superb.</p> <p dir="ltr">"The Princess looked truly glittering. Her dress was beautiful and she was obviously in love. Philip looked very dashing in his naval uniform – and it really did seem like a fairy tale wedding."</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Images: Getty/ITV</em></p>

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Game, set and match! Ash Barty ties the knot

<p dir="ltr">Ash Barty has tied the knot with her long term fiancé Garry Kissick in a beautiful intimate ceremony in Queensland.</p> <p dir="ltr">The 26-year-old announced the heartwarming news by sharing a beautiful image of her and Kissick with a simple caption “Husband &amp; Wife”.</p> <p dir="ltr">The adorable couple, who have been together for seven years, announced their engagement in November 2021. </p> <p dir="ltr">At the time of their <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/ash-barty-reveals-why-she-kept-her-engagement-a-secret" target="_blank" rel="noopener">engagement</a>, Barty confessed that she was debating on whether or not she should share the news. </p> <p dir="ltr">“Garry and I have been together for a long time now and I had designed the ring with him,” she previously said.</p> <p dir="ltr">“We are obviously excited now for the next chapter. We were at home on the couch with the puppies. </p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CgodNphhRB6/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CgodNphhRB6/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Ash Barty (@ashbarty)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p dir="ltr">“It was very much just us. It was perfect for us. Everyone has their unique way of doing it.”</p> <p dir="ltr">She also said the <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/ash-barty-talks-wedding-plans-for-2022" target="_blank" rel="noopener">wedding will be small</a> and intimate with close family and friends. </p> <p dir="ltr">“It will be very low-key, very small, pretty chill, for Garry and I, just the people we love the most, people who have been impactful and important in our lives. </p> <p dir="ltr">“My nieces and nephews will be front and centre, I wouldn’t live it down if they weren’t, they will be dress shopping before I will be.’’</p> <p dir="ltr">Their wedding comes just a few short months after Barty shocked the tennis world by <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/news/news/ash-barty-announces-retirement" target="_blank" rel="noopener">announcing her retirement</a>. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I will be retiring from tennis. It’s the first time I’ve actually said that out loud and it’s hard to say,” she said in an Instagram video.</p> <p dir="ltr">“But I’m so happy and I’m so ready and I just know at the moment in my heart for me as a person, this is right.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I’m so grateful to everything that tennis has given me. It’s given me all of my dreams, plus more.</p> <p dir="ltr">“But I know that the time is right now for me to step away and chase other dreams. And put the racquets down.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image: Instagram</em></p>

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Women get healthier after their husbands die

<p>It’s a long held belief that a successful and happy relationship can be key to long-term good health. Research has shown that marriage has a protective effect on health, lowering the risk of heart attack and depression, and increasing the chance of surviving from cancer. A new study, however, by the University of Padova, Italy, which followed 733 Italian men and 1154 women for four and a half years found that while men suffer negative consequences when their wives die – because they rely more heavily on their spouses – women often appear to get healthier.</p> <p>Dr Caterina Trevisan, the lead researcher on the study, thought that the results were due to women taking on more responsibilities in terms of household management and healthcare and thus more likely to feel stressed while married. There was also the generally accepted fact that, as women generally have a longer lifespan than men, they may also suffer from the effects of the care-giver burden, since they often devote themselves to caring for their husband in later life. Dr Trevisan said these factors may be behind the lower risk of depression in unmarried women.</p> <p>The research also confirmed the long held belief that widows cope better than widowers after the death of a partner. Incidences of depression are found more commonly in men following the death of their partner while women appear less vulnerable to mental health issues then men, possibly due to greater coping resources and ability to express emotions.</p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/05/crucial-quality-in-a-life-partner-you-might-be-forgetting-about/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>The crucial quality to look for in a life partner</strong></em></span></a></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/05/why-you-shouldnt-be-friends-with-an-ex-on-social-media/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>The one person you shouldn’t be friends with on Facebook</strong></em></span></a></p> <p><a href="/lifestyle/relationships/2016/05/study-reveals-broken-heart-is-deadly/"><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong>A broken heart can be deadly</strong></span></em></a></p>

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Readers Respond: What is your favourite childhood memory with your siblings?

<p dir="ltr">Sometimes we love them, other times we hate them.</p> <p dir="ltr">And that is the nature of siblings whether we like it or not. No matter how old we are. Some things will never change.</p> <p dir="ltr">But remember, they will always be there for you. </p> <p dir="ltr">So we wanted to ask our readers what their favourite childhood memory with their siblings is. </p> <p dir="ltr">Check out some of your responses below. </p> <p dir="ltr">Beppie Snackers - No one is gonna believe this but for me it was doing the dishes, singing and making music, having all sorts of conversation and doing crazy stuff ie putting a cup of water on the top of the door knowing someone could step in and get all wet</p> <p dir="ltr">Cheryl Clark - Being with them! Best ever times, no matter what.</p> <p dir="ltr">Grace Boland - Playing with all our beautiful dolls - also playing shops!</p> <p dir="ltr">Dawn Dominick - Playing in the street out the front of our house with all the neighbourhood kids and my siblings... billy cart races, cricket, football, knocking on neighbors doors then running off to hide and so much more.</p> <p dir="ltr">Elaine Jay - Mine is with my younger brother who is no longer with us. We were lying in bed one night trying to go to sleep but we were both making up jokes. I told one and we’d both laugh our heads off then he’d make one up and we’d both kill ourselves laughing, they weren’t even funny but we just laughed because they were stupid and the more we laughed the funnier it was, we had so many laughs together. Love and miss you Doug. xx</p> <p dir="ltr">Janice Stewart - Bed time. Lots of stories and too much laughter. Often threatened with a smack if we didn’t go to sleep. Never happened as we giggled under our pillows to stifle the laughter. </p> <p dir="ltr">Rhonda Baker - Sitting in the back seat in dad’s old chevy on our way to Perth, took about 10 hours because the radiator kept overheating. The brakes made a hell of a noise which meant my sister and I would duck down and hide.</p> <p dir="ltr">Sheila Taylor - Playing in the fields across the road and building a seesaw with a plank of wood and a metal drum…so much fun. Sledding on the same field in winter.</p> <p dir="ltr">Jenny Jones - My big sister drew a number 2 on my doll's soft rubber face, in Biro Pen. It never came off. I cut her doll’s hair and pierced its ears in retaliation.</p> <p dir="ltr">Elizabeth Ann Bailey - Making up plays and performing them. Cleaning the gutters of leaves at my Grandmas. </p> <p dir="ltr">Share your favourite childhood sibling memories <a href="https://www.facebook.com/oversixtyNZ/posts/pfbid0DXtcSmUsrCregRV6RkSJ91QpUReRQNu1maZzmvaYK6CfMugXCjqqKBwEPXFJukfsl" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a>.</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image: Shutterstock</em></p>

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How to move on from a relationship

<h2>Ending a relationship</h2> <p>Whether you are the dumper or the person being dumped, ending a relationship is a painful process – and that’s an understatement.</p> <p>In a 2019 study published in PLoS One, Dutch researchers found that 26 percent of men and women who broke up with their partners developed depression-like symptoms, even if the breakup happened six months before they were surveyed about the emotional fallout. That’s not surprising to experts, though.</p> <p>“You are dismantling normality. Your life has been built around this person who is your person. They are your plus one. They’re your emergency contact. They’re the person that you tell when you’ve had a raise, or you’re mad at Mindy at work,” says Susan Winter, a relationship expert, coach and author of The Breakup Triage: The Cure for Heartache. “Now in their absence, the entire foundation of what you had as your working model of day-to-day functionality has been disrupted.”</p> <p>This is true even if you’re feeling relieved or at least neutral about the breakup. (This is how to know when to break-up with your partner.)</p> <p>“It’s almost impossible to escape a breakup unscathed. You’re always going to have some degree of hurt feelings,” says Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., a professor of psychology.</p> <p>“So people report feelings of lost identity, not knowing who they are anymore. And that’s all on top of the negative emotional experiences of hurt, grief, loneliness, and depressive symptomology. All of those are typical,” says Lewandowski, who’s also author of the forthcoming Stronger Than You Think: The 10 Blind Spots That Undermine Your Relationship…and How to See Past Them.</p> <p>It’s what you do with these raw emotions that can turn a failed relationship into a learning experience – and give you the insight you need to get to a happier place.</p> <p>To reach a happier place, our panel of experts share their tips on how to move on from a relationship and feel better about it.</p> <h2>Allow yourself to feel sad</h2> <p>You’re heartbroken, so give yourself permission to stay in bed listening to your go-to breakup song on repeat.</p> <p>“Give yourself a week or two nights or whatever you need to watch sad movies and cry, but then make a specific date and say, ‘By this date, I’m going to get up, I’m going to get dressed, I’m going to go out,’” says Beth Sonnenberg, a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist.</p> <p>“Giving yourself an allowance to be sad is helpful because then you don’t feel guilty. And if you do it for a distinct amount of time, then you can do it in a healthy way,” she says.</p> <p>It also helps to realise you’re not always going to feel this broken up, angry, or lonely, Sonnenberg adds. “This is just how you feel right now, and next week, next month, next year, you’re going to be in a different place.”</p> <h2>Make plans with friends and family</h2> <p>Distraction is a great way to get out of your own head – especially making lots of time to have fun with friends and family who love you and have your back, says Sonnenberg.</p> <p>Of course, easier said than done while there’s still Covid everywhere, but you can still be social and stay safe. “Make plans to meet a friend for a walk or hike, Zoom with a group of friends and make it special by playing trivia, doing a treasure hunt or dress up, have an outdoor driveway or fire pit socially distanced hang-out, or get a group of friends together to do a virtual wine tasting or cooking class,” says Sonnenberg.</p> <p>Do some self-care, which is another way to distract yourself. If taking a bath or reading a good book doesn’t help, listen to music that makes you happy or sparks a positive memory, call an old friend or do some virtual or social distance volunteering so you can focus on others, she adds.</p> <p>At the very least, treat yourself to something that you wouldn’t normally do – an indulgent takeout meal, a splurge buy – so that you can be good to yourself. “You have to love yourself for someone else to love you, and sometimes people forget that. Reframing and refocusing on that can be helpful,” Sonnenberg notes.</p> <h2>Remember the good times</h2> <p>Taking stock is important so that you can look at the big picture in a more helpful light. One way to do that is to focus on the positive aspects of your couple-dom.</p> <p>“So being able to look back and say, ‘We did a good job. We raised two beautiful children,’ or ‘I couldn’t have gotten through Covid-19 without you.’ Whatever it is that was working, because then we start to see the benefit. And it’s easier to walk away from something when we don’t feel that it’s a total loss,” says Winter.</p> <h2>Keep in touch with your ex (if possible)</h2> <p>If you’re able to keep in touch with your ex, the loss may not feel as big, says Sonnenberg. “Maybe you have a lot of the same friend group and you’re able to still hang out and have some kind of relationship, even if it’s not as serious of one,” she adds.</p> <p>Let it happen organically instead of making plans to stay friends during the breakup discussion. Instead, text your former flame a week or two later with a simple “hey.” Or be more direct: “Ask, ‘Is this OK that I’m reaching out? I still care about you and want to hear what’s going on with your work’ (or your mum or whatever was going on at the time of the breakup),” Sonnenberg suggests.</p> <p>If it’s well-received, that’s great. If not, you have your answer. Just expect that first meeting post-breakup to be awkward (there’s no getting around that), says Sonnenberg.</p> <h2>Rediscover yourself</h2> <p>All of us make sacrifices to be with the person we love, even in the best of relationships.</p> <p>“You have someone else that you need to account for, and care about, and so you have to consider their preferences, right?” explains Lewandowski, who does research on romantic relationships. For example, he adds, you may love going to the beach but if your partner didn’t enjoy it, you may have given up most beach holidays while you were together.</p> <p>But going back to the things you once loved can help you manage the loss in a healthier way.</p> <p>In a study on how people cope with breakups, published in The Journal of Positive Psychology, Lewandowski assigned one group to do activities that they’d given up while they were in the relationship.</p> <p>“It turned out the rediscovery folks actually did better – doing these activities helped them recapture that person they were before the relationship. And it helped reestablish their individual identity as separate from the couple identity,” he explains.</p> <h2>Avoid a rebound relationship</h2> <p>Getting involved with someone right after a breakup is a terrible idea, especially if you were the one being dumped, say experts. But it’s understandable – it’s one way to get rid of the pain and loneliness. It’s also a way to get back at your ex and prove to your former flame (and yourself) that you’re desirable, says Winter.</p> <p>“If you date too soon when you’re too wounded, I promise you horrific things will happen. You’re going to be even more heartbroken if that new person plays with you or dumps you or ghosts you,” she says.</p> <p>This advice comes with a caveat, though. If you were the partner who walked away, you probably were thinking about it for a long time and once you’ve gotten through the chaos of the breakup and made a life on your own, you could be ready to date again, Winter notes.</p> <h2>Write about it</h2> <p>Writing can help people deal with traumatic experiences because it helps them organise and articulate their emotions, Lewandowski notes. In a TEDx Talk led by Lewandowski, he discussed a study where a group of people vented about the negative aspects of their breakups while another focused on the benefits of the breakup.</p> <p>“No breakup is 100 percent negative, nor is it 100 percent positive. But a lot of times when we’re hurt, it’s really easy to focus on the hurt, and we forget to focus on some of the positives,” he explains.</p> <p>When people in this study focused on the benefits of breaking up, they realised, for example, that they were incompatible with their partner or that they fought a lot. Or they might acknowledge their feelings of relief: “Like, ‘This had been building for some time, and now I just feel kind of relieved that I don’t have to worry about this anymore,’” Lewandowski says.</p> <p>The beauty of this exercise? “This forces that perspective thinking,” he says, and stops you from ruminating over the more negative emotions like hurt, sadness and loneliness.</p> <h2>Avoid getting back together</h2> <p>When you’re grieving over the loss of your partner, rekindling your romance can be appealing. But avoid the temptation. “It doesn’t work,” says Lewandowski.</p> <p>“If things were bad enough that you were willing to end the relationship, there’s probably a pretty good reason for that. And we know getting back together just tends to prolong the agony,” he explains.</p> <h2>Do a postmortem</h2> <p>Whatever you do, you want to take the time to process the entire relationship so you can heal and move forward, say experts. Take time to reflect on the situation by journaling, meditating, or speaking with friends and family members. Although it’s not necessary, a counsellor could be helpful, too.</p> <p>“Go to a therapist or specialist so you can systematically review everything,” suggests Winter. That means looking at the whole arc of the relationship and reviewing the good, the bad, and all the in-between, she explains: “What happened, where things went wrong, your part in it, their part in it, and the inevitable ending.”</p> <p>Lewandowski agrees, noting that nobody is very good at self-analysing, so it’s good to go to a therapist or someone who could help you be objective and get perspective.</p> <p>And it’s important to get that help. “Without some sort of analysis like that, people are more prone to make the same mistake again,” he says.</p> <p>Just don’t pin all the blame on your ex.</p> <p>“It’s something that I talk to students about all the time in my relationships classes. As much as it can be your partner’s fault – they yell at you, and they’re a horrible person, all this kind of stuff – you picked them. And you stayed with them probably longer than you should have. So you’ve got to own your role in that,” Lewandowski says.</p> <h2>Lastly, go easy on yourself</h2> <p>When it comes to how to move on from a relationship successfully, a key component is to adopt self-compassion. The way you react to your breakup is your business, and there’s no right or wrong way to go about it, says Sonnenberg: some people may grieve at first and then slowly get over it, others do the opposite.</p> <p>“Maybe you’re distracting yourself so much that you don’t even think about it, and then something reminds you of your partner and you’re overcome with sadness. I just don’t think people can judge for how one person copes with it versus another,” she says.</p> <p><em><strong>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/true-stories-lifestyle/relationships/how-to-move-on-from-a-relationship?pages=1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader's Digest</a>.</strong></em></p> <p><em>Image: Shutterstock</em></p>

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"Beauty from ashes": The unlikely love story to emerge from devastating US shooting

<p>It's one of the most unlikely places for romance to blossom. </p> <p>But for Lasamoa Lanier, what was the most traumatic and devastating night of her life also became the night she met her future husband. </p> <p>On July 20th 2012, Lasamoa and her then fiancé AJ Boik attended the midnight screening of Dark Knight Rises in Colorado. </p> <p>Just after the opening scenes, a gunman opened fire in the cinema which claimed the lives of 12 people and wounded 70. </p> <p>Among the deceased was Lasamoa's 18-year-old fiancé, who died at the scene after sustaining two fatal gun shot injuries. </p> <p>Officer Cody Lanier, a resource officer at Lasamoa's high school, was one of the officers who rushed to the scene to try and assist on that horrifying day.</p> <p>Lasamoa was trying to cope with the grief of losing her fiancé, while Officer Lanier was reeling from the pain of not being able to save all those who perished. </p> <p>He also was the officer who had to break the tragic news to Boik's mother telling her that her son probably did not survive calling "it the absolutely the worst singular event I could imagine as a cop."</p> <p>For Lasamoa, she spent years trying to heal from the tragedy and found various ways to cope. </p> <p>Part of her healing included  writing letters to the police officers, who were also traumatised by the massacre, thanking them for risking their own lives while trying to save others.</p> <p>She delivered the letter to Officer Cody, and the pair decided to go out for lunch. </p> <p>What was supposed to be an hour long lunch turned into an entire evening and the beginning of a special relationship. </p> <p>"In a way, La kind of filled this gap," Cody said. "Beyond that it was just this connection. Every day since she turned into my best friend."</p> <p>"I am pretty sure there is not a thing that I want to do where she is not involved," he said.</p> <p>On October 3rd 2021, the pair made it offical and tied the knot in a beautiful wedding ceremony which Lasamoa calls the "best day of her life".</p> <p>The couple are still swept up in their post wedding bliss, as they reflect on how they found love in the most unlikely circumstances. </p> <p>"It's like a sleepover with my best friend all the time. It's crazy. Beauty from ashes, man," Cody said. "I don't know what I would do without her."</p> <p>Lasamoa shares the same feelings, as she counts her blessings each day. </p> <p>"Sometimes I stop and think about it and I am like oh you are able to find love again," she said. </p> <p>"I have been through this and been through that but life is still happening."</p> <p>Lasamoa still journals to help her heal from the trauma, and shared a letter she wrote to her late fiancé AJ on Instagram. </p> <p>She wrote, "I don't know if you had any intentions of leading him [Cody] to me, but I really appreciate you sending him to me."</p> <p><em>Image credits: Instagram</em></p>

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Random man rescues abandoned bride

<p dir="ltr">A bride running 45 minutes late to her own wedding after having her own transport cancelled was rescued by a random passerby. </p> <p dir="ltr">Marksteen Adamson was on his way to a friend’s reunion when he spotted the bride looking confused in the middle of the streets of London. </p> <p dir="ltr">He thought it would be great to record her crossing the road in her wedding dress when he noticed her gesturing to him. </p> <p dir="ltr">It was then he realised that he could help the bride, her sister and her friend to get to the church that was only 10 minutes away.  </p> <p dir="ltr">"Was driving through London traffic to visit friends for a reunion lunch in South East London when I stopped at a pedestrian crossing and saw a bride looking confused and flustered,” Adamson said in his <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@marksteenadamson/video/7121252884393594117?is_from_webapp=1&amp;sender_device=pc&amp;web_id=7070374670839465473" target="_blank" rel="noopener">TikTok</a> video. </p> <p dir="ltr">"I started filming as I thought it would be a great shot seeing her cross the road in her full attire. Then she saw me and started walking towards me and gesturing. </p> <p dir="ltr">“It turns out that she and her bridesmaid and team had been trying to order Uber cabs but three cabs had canceled at the last minute and she was 45min late for church. </p> <p dir="ltr">“Everyone, most importantly her husband to be, were waiting at Holy Trinity Brompton for her to arrive.</p> <p dir="ltr">"She asked if I could give her and the group a lift, and so they jumped into my Land Rover and I drove her to church. </p> <p dir="ltr">“In our short time together we had lots of quick short conversations about everything and got to know each other a little better and new friendships were made.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Adamson eventually found out the bride’s name is Anastasia, her sister is Alexandra and their friend is Paul. </p> <p dir="ltr">He also said that she tried to get him to hurry up as she was “late for church”. </p> <p dir="ltr">“After I dropped her off I heard the sound of the organ ring out and knew everything was going to be alright. It was a beautiful sunny day.” </p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Images: TikTok</em></p>

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Five dating tips from the Georgian era

<p>If there was one thing the Georgians loved, it was the idea of love itself. The Georgian era, from the coronation of George I 1714 to the death of George IV in 1830, saw a celebration of love and marriage in popular culture, including in bestselling novels such as Samuel Richardson’s Pamela, or Virtue Rewarded (1740), which reaches its climax with the marriage of the heroine to her master, Mr B.</p> <p>Making a socially advantageous match that was also based on love and affection was the highest-stakes game men and women would ever play. How they experienced this emotionally fraught process is the subject of my book: <a href="https://global.oup.com/academic/product/the-game-of-love-in-georgian-england-9780192870995?lang=en&amp;cc=gb" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Game of Love in Georgian England</a>.</p> <p>In an age of rapid change in how we form our own attachments, it might be nice to shake things up and look to the past for some tips. Here are five dating trends from the Georgians that might shape up the process of looking for love.</p> <h2>1. Go analogue</h2> <p>The Georgian era was the great age of letter writing, with courting couples exchanging a veritable torrent of romantic missives. Some found that the practice of writing helped them to express sentiments that they wouldn’t dare verbalise in person. As treasured sources of intimacy, introspection and self-revelation, a flurry of love letters could even surpass the number of in-person meetings.</p> <p>Letters were treated as precious vessels for love to be touched, kissed, spritzed with perfume and used to inspire romantic verse. They were often carried around in a person’s pockets, and hidden beneath their pillow to inspire dreams while they slept at night.</p> <p>Many kept their love letters to reread over and over again, storing them away as precious evidence of a relationship and a momentous time in their lives. (And, if it came to it, important physical evidence of commitment in court.)</p> <h2>2. Share a good book</h2> <p>The period saw a boom in the number of printed titles, with the <a href="https://www.bl.uk/restoration-18th-century-literature/articles/the-rise-of-the-novel" target="_blank" rel="noopener">novel emerging as a new genre</a> and ever-increasing numbers of men and women able to read and write. As a result, books became popular romantic gifts.</p> <p>Some women used books to try and get a man to express his feelings more readily. The feminist philosopher Mary Wollstonecraft sent a volume of Jean-Jacques Rousseau’s best-selling novel Julie, or The New Heloise (1761) to her lover William Godwin in 1796, with <a href="https://www.google.co.uk/books/edition/Godwin_Mary/t04emuC2xl0C?hl=en&amp;gbpv=0" target="_blank" rel="noopener">the request</a> that he “dwell on your own feelings – that is to say, give me a bird’s-eye view of your heart”.</p> <p>The shrewdest lovers marked up their books by highlighting the passages that they most agreed with, thereby ensuring that they found a spouse with a similar intellect, interests and outlook on life.</p> <h2>3. Get crafting</h2> <p>Georgian women invested hours making delicately crafted gifts for their suitors. A woman might make her lover a handkerchief, waistcoat, watch chain, watch paper and ruffles as tokens of her affection. The act both demonstrated her virtue and accomplishment as a needlewoman, while showing her investment in a relationship through the time and labour that she dedicated to it. It also enabled her to lay claim to a man when he wore her creations in public.</p> <h2>4. Say it with hair</h2> <p>What could be so personal as literally giving someone part of your body as a gift?</p> <p>Hair had <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/episode-34-the-thing-about-edwards-hair-ring-with-guest/id1572718049?i=1000556512676" target="_blank" rel="noopener">special meaning</a> as a token as – like everlasting love – it did not fade or decay over time. To give a man a lock of your hair was a sure sign that you would soon be wed. As Margaret Dashwood presumed in Jane Austen’s Sense and Sensibility (1811), Willoughby and Marianne were certain to “be married very soon, for he has got a lock of her hair”. The Georgians set locks of hair into an assortment of jewellery including buttons, brooches, lockets, bracelets, and rings, which were plaited, studded with tiny seed pearls, and even chopped up to make delicate hair-work paintings.</p> <p>It wasn’t always hair from your head either. The aristocrat Lady Caroline Lamb sent an envelope of pubic hair to her lover Lord Byron during their <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/30029546" target="_blank" rel="noopener">torrid affair</a> in 1812, and the Yorkshire heiress <a href="https://theconversation.com/five-lesbian-expressions-from-the-19th-century-to-remember-when-watching-gentleman-jack-184267" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Anne Lister</a> stored pubic hair collected from her female lovers in a cabinet, which she kept as “<a href="https://www.google.co.uk/books/edition/The_Secret_Diaries_of_Miss_Anne_Lister_V/yPZ3BgAAQBAJ?hl=en&amp;gbpv=1&amp;dq=%22I+had+some+among+my+curiosities+now.+She+would+know+whose%22&amp;pg=PT92&amp;printsec=frontcover" target="_blank" rel="noopener">curiosities</a>”.</p> <h2>5. Bundle up</h2> <p>Poorer rural couples engaged in a tradition known as “<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bundling_(tradition)" target="_blank" rel="noopener">bundling</a>” which was practised throughout the British Isles. It involved a couple getting into bed together in the woman’s family home – fully-dressed – sometimes separated by a plank of wood, or with the woman’s petticoat tied at the bottom with a knot. The ritual helped couples to bond by spending time alone and staying up late talking, without necessarily committing to sex.</p> <p>And yet plenty of young couples did that too – illegitimacy rates <a href="https://www.google.co.uk/books/edition/Courtship_Illegitimacy_and_Marriage_in_E/qmO7AAAAIAAJ?hl=en&amp;gbpv=1&amp;dq=adair,+Courtship,+Illegitimacy+and+Marriage&amp;printsec=frontcover" target="_blank" rel="noopener">rose steeply</a> over the century, and <a href="https://www.utexaspressjournals.org/doi/abs/10.5555/gen.1989.6.125" target="_blank" rel="noopener">up to one-third of brides were already pregnant</a> on their wedding day in England.</p> <p>These various words, tokens and acts of love provided a vital means for men and women to get to know each other, test their compatibility, and build a greater intimacy before marriage. The ultimate goal was a happy and contented union with a partner of similar rank and fortune. It provided a crucial pathway to that other key goal of the era – and indeed for many relationships today – lasting happiness.</p> <p><strong><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/five-dating-tips-from-the-georgian-era-186847" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>.</em></strong></p> <p><em>Image: George Goodwin Kilburne</em></p>

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Your pet plays a big part in your relationship

<p dir="ltr">Have you ever stopped dating someone simply because they did not get along with your pet? </p> <p dir="ltr">According to eharmony, it’s a lot more common than you thought to ditch someone because they don’t like your furry friend. </p> <p dir="ltr">Aussies are more attracted to pet owners, as those who have their pets in their dating profile are more likely to get more interest from potential suitors. </p> <p dir="ltr">eharmony psychologist Sharon Draper said the way someone is with a pet is a strong indicator of how they would be in the relationship. </p> <p dir="ltr">“Our pets are often like our family – they see us through important parts of our lives, they’re companions through the ups and the downs, and we love them,” she told OverSixty. </p> <p dir="ltr">“So much like family, when you’re looking for a potential partner, compatibility with your pet is key for the long-term success of the relationship. </p> <p dir="ltr">“Ultimately, we would never want to end up in a ‘them or me’ situation, so it’s important to get this established early on.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Sharon said it could also help individuals see whether or not someone would make a great parent. </p> <p dir="ltr">“The research and personal anecdotes I hear show that we make assumptions about how a person would be in a relationship based on how they treat their pets,” she went on.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Whether this can be applied to how they would be as a parent is hard to say because a relationship between a parent and child is very different from an owner and a pet (despite how similar it feels sometimes). </p> <p dir="ltr">“What we do know is that pets are a fantastic indicator of values, and these values may be what a parent would instill in their child, so the two can still be related.” </p> <p dir="ltr">But what about those who are afraid of animals or are not interested in looking after one? </p> <p dir="ltr">Sharon explained that it is generally not an issue as long as it is spoken about at the beginning of what could be a potential relationship. </p> <p dir="ltr">“It’s totally okay to have different interests than your partner and animals can be one of them,” she said. </p> <p dir="ltr">“However, it’s incredibly important to be clear about your feelings towards animals and potential pets early on in a relationship so you can manage the expectations of your partner and not set yourself up for unexpected conflict later if your partner suggests getting a furry friend.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Now when it comes to what pets are ranked the highest it is very obviously dogs, followed by cats, birds, rabbits and lizards. </p> <p dir="ltr">And the pets that are absolute deal breakers with the highest ranking being crocodiles, followed by snakes, rats, possums and lizards.</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Images: Supplied/Shutterstock</em></p>

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8 of the best things about growing old together

<p>Your skin might sag, your hair turn grey and you may not look like newlyweds, but there are so many reasons why growing old with the person you love is a blessing. Here are just eight reasons to count yourself lucky that you’ve become a wise old couple.</p> <p><strong>1. You get to watch a beautiful transformation happen before your eyes</strong></p> <p>You get to witness your beloved grow from the young girl and boy you fell in love with to the wise old woman and man you love even more than you thought possible.</p> <p><strong>2. You get to be a grandparent</strong></p> <p>As author Lois Wyse says, “If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I’d have had them first.” While parenting can be a lot of thankless work, grandparenting is all about the perks and spoils.</p> <p><strong>3. You know everything there is to know about the other person</strong></p> <p>After decades together, you know your partner inside out. It’s an intimate and deeply comforting knowledge that can only come with time.</p> <p><strong>4. You don’t argue over the small issues</strong></p> <p>You both know now not to argue over the small issues that aren’t important to the overall happiness of the relationships. There’s so many more important things to do and enjoy than fight and argue needlessly.</p> <p><strong>5. You both say what you mean</strong></p> <p>There’s no need to be coy when you’ve been with the same person for years – you’re direct, upfront and honest, and the relationship is the better for it.</p> <p><strong>6. You get to give relationship advice to young’uns</strong></p> <p>When you’ve been in a loving marriage for decades you have plenty of wisdom to pass onto to future generations – and you have the life experience to back it up.</p> <p><strong>7. You have someone with whom to share your dreams and losses</strong></p> <p>Your partner has always been there to help you through the trials and tribulations but just as importantly, to celebrate the triumphs and victories. You’ve both been through the journey called life, but luckily you were able to share all the experiences with your loved one.</p> <p><strong>8. You both know you made the right choice</strong></p> <p>When you’ve grown to a wise old couple, there’s no more wondering or doubts: it’s the ultimate affirmation that you made the right choice all those years ago.\</p> <p><em>Image: Getty</em></p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/relationships/2015/11/secrets-of-couples-who-stay-together-forever/">14 secrets of couples who stay together forever</a></em></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/relationships/2015/11/why-people-cheat/">The two reasons people are unfaithful</a></em></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/relationships/2015/11/helen-mirren-marries-later-in-life/">Helen Mirren encourages everyone to marry later in life</a></em></strong></span></p>

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"It's your time now": Bride helps orchestrate another proposal at her own wedding

<p>A bride who helped orchestrate another proposal at her own wedding has gone viral for a very touching reason.</p> <p>Instead of throwing the bouquet into the crowd, she intentionally handed it to her own mother.</p> <p>In the moment, the mother-of-the-bride looked confused. That's when the bride's future father-in-law emerged from the crowd, got down on one knee, and proposed in front of a crowd of excited wedding guests.</p> <p>The young bride, Chloe shared the video on social media, saying:</p> <p>"Dear Mum, it's your time now &lt;3," she wrote. "She gave me away so I wanted her to match me."</p> <blockquote class="tiktok-embed" style="max-width: 605px; min-width: 325px;" cite="https://www.tiktok.com/@chloerobinson1993/video/7118811878964350214" data-video-id="7118811878964350214"> <section><a title="@chloerobinson1993" href="https://www.tiktok.com/@chloerobinson1993" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@chloerobinson1993</a></p> <p> </p> <p><a title="♬ Marry You - Bruno Mars" href="https://www.tiktok.com/music/Marry-You-6563162929061956354" target="_blank" rel="noopener">♬ Marry You - Bruno Mars</a></section> </blockquote> <p>Most commenters loved the video and thought it was a very compassionate act from the bride. "How selfless of the bride on her day," said one.</p> <p>Another said, "What a beautiful way to be able to say 'thanks Mum for all you have done and by my side' so sweet."</p> <p>Though a small minority of viewers disagreed, the TikTok has gained over one million views. Proposing at another wedding is a very controversial topic, with an expert on wedding etiquette weighing in, saying if it were to happen the proposal should occur once festivities are winding down.</p> <p><em>Images: TikTok</em></p>

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