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"Devotion, honesty, caring": Goldie Hawn reveals why she and Kurt never married

<p>Goldie Hawn has honoured Kurt Russell on his 72nd birthday after they revealed why they never married.</p> <p>Hawn shared a photo on Instagram of her partner of 40 years.</p> <p>“Happy birthday to the wacky man in my life! I love you baby ❤️, ” she said.</p> <p>Hawn’s son, Oliver Hudson, took to the comments and wrote, “Love this pic!!! Hahahah … Sums up your entire 40 years of togetherness.”</p> <p>The actress’ daughter Kate Hudson also shared an Instagram post dedicated to Russell, her unofficial stepdad.</p> <p>She posted a sweet video of her daughter Rani helping Russell blow out his birthday candle.</p> <p>“Always a double fun day in our family! St Patrick’s day and Pa’s birthday! Love this man so much! How about some birthday love for Kurt! Happy Birthday Pa,” she captioned the video.</p> <p>The birthday wishes come after Russell and Hawn’s recent interview with Variety where one of Hollywood’s longest-standing relationships revealed they were “constantly” asked why they were never married.</p> <p>“We constantly got asked, ‘When are you going to get married? Why aren’t you married?’” Russell told the outlet, referring to the early years of their relationship back in the 80s.</p> <p>“And we were like, ‘Why does anybody care about that?’” he added. “We’d asked our kids if they cared about it. They didn’t. We didn’t.”</p> <p>The pair first met when they appeared in the 1966 comedy, <em>The One and Only, Genuine, Original Family Band</em>. She was 21 and Russell was 16 at the time. Hawn recalled Russell as being “adorable” but also “much too young” for her to date.</p> <p>The couple got together in 1983 and recently celebrated four decades of partnership on Valentine’s Day 2023.</p> <p>It seems as though the couple’s philosophy on long-standing relationships is to simply not get married.</p> <p>“We have done just perfectly without marrying. I already feel devoted and isn’t that what marriage is supposed to do? So as long as my emotional state is in a state of devotion, honesty, caring, and loving, then we’re fine,” Hawn said in an interview with <em>Woman’s Day</em> in 2007.</p> <p>“We have raised our children brilliantly; they are beautiful people. We did a great job there, and we didn’t have to get married to do that. I like waking up every day and seeing that he is there and knowing that I have a choice,” she shared. “There is really no reason to marry.”</p> <p><em>Image credit: Instagram/Getty</em></p>

Relationships

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“Hear the truth from me”: Prince Harry’s brutally honest speech

<p>Prince Harry has spoken publicly about his surprise decision to leave the royal family, explaining to guests at a charity dinner that he wanted to deliver the “truth from me”.</p> <p>He also pleaded for the public to trust that “my wife upholds the same values that I do”.</p> <p>In his speech, that was delivered at the Sentebale Fundraiser and shared on Twitter via royal reporter Omid Scobie, Prince Harry spoke honestly about the period of transition his family was experiencing. </p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/tv/B7hGUztJA0F/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/tv/B7hGUztJA0F/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by The Duke and Duchess of Sussex (@sussexroyal)</a> on Jan 19, 2020 at 2:00pm PST</p> </div> </blockquote> <p>“I can only imagine what you may have heard or perhaps read over the last few weeks,” Harry told the crowd.</p> <p>“So, I want you to hear the truth from me, as much as I can share — not as a Prince, or a Duke, but as Harry, the same person that many of you have watched grow up over the last 35 years — but with a clearer perspective.</p> <p>“... I have grown up feeling support from so many of you, and I watched as you welcomed Meghan with open arms as you saw me find the love and happiness that I had hoped for all my life. Finally, the second son of Diana got hitched, hurray!</p> <p>“I also know you’ve come to know me well enough over all these years to trust that the woman I chose as my wife upholds the same values as I do. And she does, and she’s the same woman I fell in love with.</p> <p>“We both do everything we can to fly the flag and carry out our roles for this country with pride.”</p> <p>Prince Harry went onto explain that he was disappointed that things had ended like this and felt that himself and his family had no other choice but to leave.</p> <p>“Once Meghan and I were married, we were excited, we were hopeful, and we were here to serve,” he explained.</p> <p>“For those reasons, it brings me great sadness that it has come to this.</p> <p>“The decision that I have made for my wife and I to step back, is not one I made lightly. It was so many months of talks after so many years of challenges. And I know I haven’t always gotten it right, but as far as this goes, there really was no other option.”</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-conversation="none" data-lang="en-gb"> <p dir="ltr">In a passionate speech, Harry spoke about recent events, telling guests, “I want you to hear the truth from me, as much as I can share – not as a Prince, or a Duke, but as Harry.”<br /><br />Read his words, in full, here👇🏻 <a href="https://t.co/8nS7He5LB4">pic.twitter.com/8nS7He5LB4</a></p> — Omid Scobie (@scobie) <a href="https://twitter.com/scobie/status/1219016511546892289?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">19 January 2020</a></blockquote> <p>He also made it clear that he is not walking away from the royal family.</p> <p>“What I want to make clear is we’re not walking away... Our hope was to continue serving the Queen, the commonwealth, and my military associations, but without public funding. Unfortunately, this wasn’t possible,” he explained.</p> <p>“I’ve accepted this, knowing that it doesn’t change who I am or how committed I am. But I hope that helps you understand what it had to come to, that I had to step my family back from all I have ever known, to take a step forward into what I hope can be a more peaceful life.</p> <p>“... We are taking a leap of faith — thank you for giving me the courage to take this next step.”</p> <p>Naturally, Prince Harry ended things on a lighter note, sharing a sweet story about how his eight-month-old son Archie. The doting dad said that Archie “saw snow for the first time the other day and thought it was bloody brilliant”.</p>

Family & Pets

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Honesty is the best policy? Research reveals when people are most likely to return a lost wallet

<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to classic economic theory, if you find a wallet on the street and find money in the wallet, your self interest in keeping the cash is likely to override the more honest behaviour of returning the wallet.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">However, new research in 40 countries has found that people are more honest than they think, at least when it comes to returning money to strangers.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">A study of 17,000 “lost” wallets in 355 cities revealed that people are more likely to return a wallet if it had money in it than when it was empty.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The study also found that if there was more money in the wallet, the more likely people were to return the wallet.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The study was published in the journal </span><a href="https://science.sciencemag.org/lookup/doi/10.1126/science.aau8712"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Science</span></a> <span style="font-weight: 400;">said that a team of people handed in wallets that they claimed to find on the street in front of major institutions, such as banks or post offices.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The wallets contained no money, or the equivalent of US$13.45 in local currency, a grocery list and three identical business cards in the local language which made it possible to return the wallet.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In 38 out of 40 countries, people were more likely to return the money if it has money in it.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">"This is something we didn't expect," said behavioural economist Alain Cohn of the University of Michigan to the </span><a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/science/2019-06-21/people-are-more-likely-to-return-a-wallet-if-it-has-money-in-it/11227766"><span style="font-weight: 400;">ABC.</span></a></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Dr Cohn said that there were two factors to explain the findings.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">"One is altruism — where you care about the other person even though they are a stranger."</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The second finding is that people didn’t like to view themselves as dishonest.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">"They said the more money in the wallet, the more they would feel like a thief if they didn't return it," he said.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">"The larger the amount of money, the more worried you are about your self-image — the more difficult it is to convince yourself that you're still a good person."</span></p>

Money & Banking

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10 secrets surgeons won’t tell you

<p>Surgeons have our lives in their hands, but most of us know more about the people who cut our hair than the doctors who cut our bodies. Here, insider tips to become a smarter, healthier patient.</p> <p><strong>1. To know which doctor is good, ask hospital employees</strong></p> <p>“Their word trumps a degree, prestigious titles, and charm.” - Marty Makary, MD, author of Unaccountable: What Hospitals Won’t Tell You and How Transparency Can Revolutionise Health Care.</p> <p><strong>2. Ask about their complication rate</strong></p> <p>“If they don’t have one, they’re hiding something or haven’t operated enough to have one. No one is immune to complications.” - Arnold Advincula, MD, division chief, gynecologic surgery &amp; urogynecology, Columbia University Medical Centre.</p> <p><strong>3. Surgeons have an inherent financial conflict of interest</strong></p> <p>“That’s because they are paid approximately ten times more money to perform surgery than to manage your problem conservatively.” - James Rickert, MD, an orthopedic surgeon in Bedford, Indiana.</p> <p><strong>4. Are they board certified?</strong></p> <p>“For the same reason, always check if your surgeon is board-certified in his specialty. Many are not.” - Tomas A. Salerno, MD, chief of cardiothoracic surgery at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine.</p> <p><strong>5. Don’t assume your doctor’s recommendation is best</strong></p> <p>“Referrals may be politically motivated or be given because the doctors work within the same multi-specialty group.” - Howard Luks, MD, chief of sports medicine and arthroscopy at Westchester Medical Center and University Orthopaedics.</p> <p><strong>6. Ask if you can talk to former patients</strong></p> <p>“It’s like getting references for a babysitter.” - Marc Gillinov, MD, author of Heart 411: The Only Guide to Heart Health You’ll Ever Need.</p> <p><strong>7. Some won’t mention procedures they don’t know how to do</strong></p> <p>“I’ll see patients who were told they needed an open hysterectomy, even though it could be handled laparoscopically. That’s one reason it’s good to get a second opinion.” - Arnold Advincula, MD</p> <p><strong>8. Find out who is going to take care of you after surgery</strong></p> <p>“You want to hear ‘I will see you on a regular basis until you have recovered fully.’ Often it can be residents or physician’s assistants. Sometimes it’s not anybody, especially after you’ve been discharged from the hospital.” - Ezriel “Ed” Kornel, MD, clinical assistant professor of neurological surgery at Cornell University.</p> <p><strong>9. It’s better to have an elective surgery early in the week</strong></p> <p>“Lots of doctors go away for the weekend and won’t be around to make sure you’re OK. If you go in on a Friday, and then on Saturday or Sunday something icky is coming out of your incision, you’re going to get someone who’s covering for your surgeon.” - General surgeon who blogs under the name Skeptical Scalpel</p> <p><strong>10. Some hire business management consultants</strong></p> <p>“The consultants may want the practice to sell equipment like knee braces or walkers at a markup. They may want the doctors to buy or build a surgery centre to capture facility fees. They usually want orthopedic surgeons to get an in-office MRI. Every time a doctor does this, he becomes more financially conflicted. As soon as you put in an MRI machine, you order more MRIs so you won’t lose money on it.” —James Rickert, MD</p> <p><em>Written by Michelle Crouch. This article first appeared in </em><a href="http://www.readersdigest.com.au/healthsmart/tips/48-secrets-surgeons-wont-tell-you?items_per_page=All"><em>Reader’s Digest</em>.</a><em> For more of what you love from the world’s best-loved magazine, </em><a href="http://readersdigest.innovations.co.nz/c/readersdigestemailsubscribe?utm_source=over60&amp;utm_medium=articles&amp;utm_campaign=RDSUB&amp;keycode=WRN87V"><em>here’s our best subscription offer.</em></a></p> <p><img style="width: 100px !important; height: 100px !important;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7820640/1.png" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/f30947086c8e47b89cb076eb5bb9b3e2" /></p>

Legal

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Is it better to be loyal or honest in your relationship?

<p><strong><em>Susan Krauss Whitbourne is a professor of Psychology and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. She writes the Fulfilment at Any Age blog for Psychology Today.</em></strong></p> <p>An old friend is in town on a trip that you’ve known about for months. Back when you made a date to get together for the evening, it seemed like a great idea. You definitely want to see this person, or at least you did at the time. Now that it’s getting closer to the actual event, you’re starting to regret having made those plans. Things have gotten hectic at work, and you’d like to take the evening to sit around in your sweats and binge watch that new program which just became available for streaming. </p> <p>Perhaps it’s not an evening out, but a lunch date on a weekday close by to where you work. The weather forecast is predicting a messy, rainy, day and you don’t think you’ll want to venture out any more than is necessary to get from home to the office. These situations present you with a classic dilemma: Do you tell the truth to your friend but risk the relationship or preserve the relationship by making up a legitimate-sounding excuse?</p> <p>Testing the values of loyalty vs. honesty in moral judgments, Cornell University’s John Angus D. Hildreth and University of California Berkeley’s Cameron Anderson (2018) asked “Does loyalty <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/president-donald-trump">trump</a></span> honesty?” As they note, “Groups often demand loyalty, but all too often, loyalty can corrupt individuals to engage in deceit."</p> <p>Among the list of possible deceptions that loyalty to organisations or causes can prompt is pretending to believe in something you don’t or overlooking bad behaviour by people who are a part of your group. A politician might downplay a fellow office-holder’s illicit activity, or a sales manager might turn a blind eye to the shoddy products that the company is putting out on the market. You might lie to help your <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/teamwork">team</a></span> win in a competitive match. The deceptions involved in these instances have more serious consequences than those associated with <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/deception">lying</a></span> to a friend to preserve the relationship, but the same underlying dynamic is at play in that honesty and loyalty operate at cross-purposes.</p> <p>As the Cornell-Berkeley researchers go on to observe, most people view lying as unethical but may be more accepting when a lie is the result of a prosocial motive. In fact, they cite evidence that you’ll gain more trust from the people who know you if you have a reputation as a prosocial liar. A friend may overhear you saying to a mutual acquaintance that her new hairstyle looks great when, clearly, the cut and colour are all wrong. Your coming out with this slight untruth shows how much you value other people’s feelings. Such lies are preferable to lies that are intended to give you an advantage over other people in order to get ahead. When you tell someone she looks nice so that you can get her to do a favour for you, this is no longer a prosocial lie because you’re doing this to increase the odds of getting something you want.</p> <p>However, when a lie isn’t just prosocial but a “loyal lie,” other people are likely to view you far more negatively. A lie that is intended to protect shady operations by a group of which you are a part comes closer to a self-serving lie than one that is <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/altruism">altruistic</a></span>, even though “loyal” implies some sort of higher purpose. There is a philosophical reason for this notion as well. Philosophers such as Jeremy Bentham and John Stuart Mills regard loyalty as “immoral” due to its “inherent partiality”. Because loyal lies benefit one’s group as well as oneself over others, they should be perceived as immoral by those who observe the lie being told. The liar, by contrast, sees no such problem and, in fact, feels “a moral imperative to act in the best interests of the group.” By not lying, the individual runs the risk of “negative social judgment, ostracism and social exclusion."</p> <p>Putting these ideas to the test, Hildreth and Anderson conducted a series of four studies involving nearly 1400 participants involving both online surveys and laboratory experiments. In the online version of the test of the study’s hypotheses (later replicated with college students), participants read scenarios varying in the behaviour described by an individual who either lied or did not lie either to benefit their group in its <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/sport-and-competition">competition</a></span> with another group. The question was whether participants would regard deceit as unethical and immoral. In the condition involving loyalty and intergroup competition, participants perceived deceit as being relatively less unethical than in other conditions. However, participants rated loyal deceit (lying to benefit their group) as more unethical than disloyal honesty (being honest at the expense of one’s own group).</p> <p>The research team placed college student participants in the experimental study similarly in conditions involving either intergroup competition or no competition. Here the question was whether or not they would lie when their loyalty was triggered. Rather than judging the <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/ethics-and-morality">morality</a></span> and ethicality of others, then, participants judged their own behaviour.</p> <p>As shown in prior studies, participants were more likely to lie when they thought it would help their own group. In general, they judged their own behaviour as less ethical when they lied compared to when they were honest. However, there was an important exception – when they lied to benefit their group, the participants did not see any ethical problem in their own behaviour. In fact, they actually saw their behaviour as slightly more ethical when they lied compared to when they told the truth.</p> <p>As the authors concluded, “These individuals seemed to ground their self-perceptions in a morally pluralistic framework, focusing on loyalty above and beyond truthfulness as a critical moral dimension in this context” (p. 90). In other words, liars can compartmentalise enough to be able to justify their lying if it serves a purpose of protecting their group.</p> <p>The final study in the series randomly assigned participants in the laboratory simulation to actor or observer role. As in the prior studies, loyal lies received the harshest judgments by observers, but not by the actors themselves.</p> <p><strong>To sum up</strong>, in answer to the article’s title, loyalty really does trump honesty in the view of the person committing the lie. Loyal liars don’t just rationalise their lying after the fact; instead, they have different standards for loyal lying than they do for honesty. Returning to the quandary you find yourself in when you feel you need to lie to get out of a prior obligation, the Cornell-Berkeley study suggests that it’s all too easy to slip into a mode where you see your lying as needed to protect your relationship. This may be fine on an occasional or extreme basis, but it’s quite likely that you can easily slip down that slope into habitual lying.</p> <p>Rather than lie to protect your relationship, then, a dose of honesty may be needed even if it seems difficult at the time. Alternatively, perhaps you shouldn’t lie at all. If you’ve made a social commitment that now seems inconvenient, consider following through on it. You may have a much better time than you realised you would, and the loyalty you show toward those in your life might just provide the basis for more fulfilling <span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/basics/relationships">relationships</a></span>.</p> <p><em>Written by Susan Krauss Whitbourne. Republished with permission of <a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong>Psychology Today.</strong> </span></a></em></p>

Relationships