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Gen X dad’s odd punishment for four-year-old son sparks debate

A self-proclaimed Gen X dad has sparked a furious debate after a video clip of him punishing his four-year-old son went viral on TikTok. Wisconsin-based dad Derek Longstreth said he had no other choice but to make his young son, Truman, heave massive jugs of water across the yard because he hit his mum. “All right little man, let's go, you've got all these jugs to carry,” he told his son, as he showed five water jugs. “He hit his mom today, so, spanking is out of the question because you liberals made it so we can’t spank our children any more,” he explained. The father-of-one recorded his son struggling to carry the water jugs, but offered him words of encouragement as the boy tried to carry it across the yard. “Let's go, young man. I love you just so you know, but you're not going to hit your mom,” he said. “You can do it. I love you son but we don't hit women in this family.” Longstreth then explained why he chose to punish his son this way, and said that spanking your child is not allowed in Wisconsin. “He's four. We're not allowed to spank in the state of Wisconsin because some liberals are saying there are better ways.” “'Well liberals, what's the better way?” <div><iframe title="tiktok embed" src="https://cdn.embedly.com/widgets/media.html?src=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2Fembed%2Fv2%2F7256440921728863530&display_name=tiktok&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2F%40hamburgerjones23%2Fvideo%2F7256440921728863530&image=https%3A%2F%2Fp19-sign.tiktokcdn-us.com%2Fobj%2Ftos-useast5-p-0068-tx%2Fc29492b9251f41139161e469b64b4d0e%3Fx-expires%3D1689789600%26x-signature%3DRnuVqM3A6bo1miOskT3JdYiBlWA%253D&key=5b465a7e134d4f09b4e6901220de11f0&type=text%2Fhtml&schema=tiktok" width="340" height="700" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></div> After the father complained about the liberals, he continued to try and teach Truman a lesson, despite the child complaining that he “can’t do it” multiple times throughout the video. At the end of the clip, Longstreth asks his son: “Are you going to hit your mom again?” “No,” the four-year-old responded. Longstreth also made his son apologise for hitting his mum. The nine-minute clip has racked up over 1.9 million views, while many applauded the father for his “gentle” ways of parenting and disciplining his son, others slammed him for “abuse”. “Big respect to this dad. He gave the kid a hard job with encouragement and reassurance that he loves him as well as why the kid had to do it,” wrote one person. “This is honestly probably the best and most effective way to discipline your child. Every moment they do this they are thinking about what they did,” commented another. “Good dad, raising his son right, teaching him to never lay his hands on any women especially his momma. Very good,” agreed a third. “This is like so gentle yet so disciplining in all the good ways,” wrote a fourth. However, other viewers disagreed with the father’s method. “This is abuse.... I said what I said. I'm sorry he hit his mom though, talking it out is fine. He's too little for this,” commented one person. “Lol. When people ask what the next traumas will be, it’ll be every moment being a phone in their face. Did you need to post this? Pathetic,” wrote another. “You don't want him to associate work as punishment. how about no tv, no sweets, something that is usually a privilege. work is something that is good,” added another user. Images: TikTok

Family & Pets

Spanking does more harm than good, study finds

A review of 69 studies from across the world has found physical punishment doesn’t appear to improve a child’s behaviour of social competence in the long run. The review was published in The Lancet, one of the world’s oldest and best-known medical journals. Elizabeth Gershoff, a professor in human development and family science at The University of Texas at Austin and senior author of the review, said physical punishments such as spanking are “harmful to children’s development and well-being”. “Parents hit their children because they think doing so will improve their behaviour,” Professor Gershoff said. “Unfortunately for parents who hit, our research found clear and compelling evidence that physical punishment does not improve children’s behaviour and instead makes it worse.” In their research on the impact of spanking and other physical punishments parents might choose to use to discipline a child, the review excluded verbal and “severe” types of punishment that would be classified as child abuse. Though some studies included in the review found mixed results - where some positive and negative effects were associated with physical punishment - the majority showed a significant negative impact across a child’s life and behaviours. In 13 of 19 independent studies, the most consistent finding was that spanking and other forms of punishment created external problem behaviours over time, Professor Gershoff said, such as “increased aggression, increased antisocial behaviour, and increased disruptive behaviour in school.” The review also found that children who were physically punished acted out no matter their sex, race, or ethnicity. One study included in the review, conducted in Colombia in South America, found that physically-punished young children gained “fewer cognitive skills” than those who were not. Seven of the studies the team reviewed examined the association between a child’s negative behaviour and the frequency of punishment over time, with five finding a “dose-response effect”. “In other words, as physical punishment increased in frequency, so did its likelihood of predicting worse outcomes over time,” Professor Gershoff said. Other studies in the review found that conduct problems and signs of oppositional defiant disorder - characterised by temper tantrums, argumentative and defiant behaviour, spitefulness, and vindictiveness - were increased by physical punishment. In addition to these findings, the review also saw that four of the five studies that considered the influence of parenting styles found that an overall warm and positive parenting style “did not buffer the effect of physical punishment on an increase in behaviour problems.” Alternatives to spanking The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends a variety of alternative methods of discipline, which depend on the child’s age. “During the first year what infants need is love while they discover new abilities such as crying and making messes,” Dr Robert Sege, a professor and medical doctor who specialises in the study of child abuse, said in an earlier interview. “So parents should distract, by giving them other things to do that are less disruptive or picking them up and moving them to a different place. That’s all they can do.” As they become toddlers and continue doing things you don’t want them to, Dr Sege said the best technique is to tap into their need for attention. “Toddlers crave their parent’s attention, so use that to your advantage,” he said. “Pay attention to the things your children do that are wonderful; reward them for those with praise. Then when they do something you don’t like, put them in time-out and take the attention away. Use that. That’s how time-outs work.” As they get older, he suggests letting children learn the natural consequences of their behaviour. “Instead of shielding, help them learn the lesson, as long as they are not in danger,” he said. “Things like, ‘You didn’t put your toys away, so instead of playing, you have to clean them up before we can play.’ It takes parents out of the loop.” Teens also need to learn how to take responsibility for their actions, he said. “And you do that by calling them out on their behaviour and its consequences and then help them figure out how to resolve those consequences. “It’s hard, because it requires, at least at first, a level of mindfulness and thought on what you are doing as a parent,” Dr Sege said. “Parenting isn’t easy. The good thing is that our children excuse us for the mistakes we make.”

Mind

Dad jailed for sadistic disciplining of kids

A dad has been jailed after tormenting his two children to horrifying discipline tactics with extreme mental and physical punishments. The sadistic dad forced his daughter to write “I am a liar, I’m a stealer” 1000 times and forced his kids to shave their heads and pour vinegar onto their wounds. Shane O’Brien, 54, left his children “feeling less than an animal” and with severe trauma. The siblings, who are now adults, told a court the ordeal left them suffering flashbacks. Shane’s partner - the children’s stepmother - Denise O’Brien, 49, was spared prison after turning a “blind eye” to the abuse. Both had previously two counts of child cruelty and were sentenced at Oxford Crown Court. Alexandra Bull, the prosecutor on the case said the crimes involved "physical abuse, sadistic punishment, emotional abuse and neglect". She revealed the mistreatment took place between July 2014 and December 2016 in the Berkshire and Oxfordshire area. The two siblings recalled multiple accounts of cruelty at the hands of their father, Shane, it was said. One example was a time when he forced them to hold up placards with the world “liar” written on it, and endured beatings with a whip and a belt. The daughter was also made to write "I am a liar, I am a stealer" 1,000 times on a piece of paper and was later "whipped" by Shane. In another violent episode, he repeatedly “bashed” his son’s head against a wall after he downloaded games onto a phone while the couple were not at home. The court was also told the boy was forced to shave his head and was told “it was a sign he was a liar”. The daughter also had her cut while she begged them to stop, an incident which she said made her feel “worthless”. The boy was also refused food and not allowed to use the toilet on occasion, having to use a bottle in his room. In a victim personal statement, he said he like he was “less than an animal” during the abuse. When the children began to self-harm, Shane poured vinegar onto their wounds and said “"that will be a lesson not to self-harm again". They were also not allowed to have friends and had numbers deleted off their phones. At a police interview following the allegations Shane called his son a "manipulative and a pathological liar" but both later admitted their role in the offences. Sentencing Judge Nigel Daly said the cruelty involved "gratuitous degradation" as well as "significant force used". Shane, of Chepstow, Wales, was jailed for 26 months. Denise, of the same address, was handed an eight-month jail term, suspended for 18 months. She must also complete 150 hours of unpaid work and 20 rehabilitation days.

Family & Pets

Is it OK to tell off other people’s kids?

Discipline is essential when you’re raising your kids (or grandkids!), but what about when it comes to other parents’ children? If you see kids behaving badly in public, do you have the right to tell them off? That’s the question on one mum’s lips after she did just that. Laura Mazza, mum-of-two and popular blogger, was supervising her kids Luca and Sofia at a public play centre when she spotted two children pushing and hitting her son as he was about to go down a slide, and two other children ramming into her daughter with a mini driveable car. She felt she had to intervene. “I actually found myself saying, ‘That's not nice, stop!’” she wrote on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/themumontherun/posts/1608957812505524" target="_blank">Facebook</a>. “I’ve never liked to tell a stranger’s kid off, but if you’re gonna pretend you can’t see it because you wanna sit and chat, then I’m gonna tell your child off.” Chatting to <a href="http://honey.nine.com.au/2017/10/25/13/44/telling-off-another-persons-child" target="_blank">9Honey</a>, the Melbourne-based mum said the boy who pushed her son and pulled his hair didn’t seem to be bothered by her reprimanding him. “I actually looked at him while my son was crying and said, ‘That was really mean',” she recalls. “They had that doe-eyed look that kids have when they know they have done something wrong.” Of course, Mazza doesn’t exactly feel comfortable telling another person’s kid off. “No one wants to tell someone else’s child ‘no’. It’s not nice and it’s not our responsibility. It’s really tough to see a kid hurt yours and know you have to protect your own child.” As for the naughty kids’ parents? Despite being busy chatting, they had seen the incident but didn’t seem to care. Tell us in the comments below, do you think it’s acceptable to reprimand another person’s child in certain circumstances? Or is it never OK?

Family & Pets

How to build self-discipline in 10 days

Tom Cronin is a meditation teacher, life coach and writer. He is the founder of The Stillness Project, a global movement that aims to help people on their journey towards calmness and fulfilment. Would you like to have the inner strength to rid yourself of bad habits, learn new skills, and develop and grow as a person? Self-discipline can help you make a plan and stick to it. Find out how to easily build self-discipline in 10 days with this simple plan. Day 1 – Evaluate your strengths and weaknesses If you would like to build self-discipline, the first thing you need to do is identify the areas of your life which are lacking. Do you have a soft spot for greasy foods or a tendency to spend too much time on the couch and not enough outside? You need to recognize the improvements you would like to make before you can use self-discipline to implement a change. Day 2 – Take one step at a time Nobody is perfect. There might be more than one change you would like to make in your life. Nonetheless, you should focus your attention on one thing at a time instead of getting overambitious and addressing too many things at once. Day 3 – Get motivated Before you can become disciplined, you need to feel motivated to change. Make a list of all the reasons why you would like to make that change in your life. Will you be healthier, happier, or more productive? Will the change benefit anyone aside from you? Your motivation will increase with every reason you come up with. Day 4 – Make a plan It’s easy enough to understand that you need to make a change in your life, but how can you actually implement that change? While making a plan to change you should identify all possible areas of weakness – when will you have difficulty sticking to your plan or saying no? Practise dealing with those situations. Day 5 – Change your mind Your mind is the biggest obstacle you’ll face while trying to build self-discipline. You have to learn how to overcome how you feel at any given moment, something that can only be accomplished through mental Stillness. By practicing Stillness on a regular basis, you can filter out the negative emotions that cause you to want to give up on your goal. Day 6 – Make it public Studies have shown that people who tell others about their plans or goals to change are more likely to go through with them. Not only should your friends and family give you support as you strive for self-improvement, you’ll be more likely to stick to your guns if you know that other people are invested in the outcome. Day 7 – Start small As you move forward with implementing your plan to build self-discipline, recognize that making a long-term change doesn’t happen overnight. Going “cold turkey” with whatever change you would like to make is sometimes too extreme, and you’ll find you can’t keep it up for a long period of time. Day 8 – Empower yourself through change Every time you make a positive step towards building self-discipline, no matter how small, recognize how empowering it is. It feels good to make good choices for your life, and your family and friends will be proud of you when you do the right thing. Day 9 – Evaluate your progress After a little over a week, evaluate how you’re doing. What did you struggle with in the last eight days? What did you do well with? By taking an honest inventory of your progress, you can identify the areas you will need to improve in order to build your self-discipline. Day 10 – Reward yourself Remember to reward yourself when you make the right choice. Choose a reward that is in line with your goal to change, i.e. if you’re trying to cut out junk food, reward yourself with a “healthy” junk food substitute that you enjoy, such as flavoured rice chips or sorbet instead of ice cream. It’s important that you recognize your own progress and give yourself credit for all that you do. You can build self-discipline in 10 days! The ten steps above should strengthen your inner resolve, it can also help you develop the mental strength you’ll need to implement change and maintain self-discipline over the long-term. Written by Tom Cronin. First appeared on <a href="http://stillnessproject.com/one-word-will-help-next-challenging-experience/" target="_blank">The Stillness Project</a>. Related links: <a href="/health/mind/2016/07/benefits-of-deep-breathing/">The unexpected benefits of deep breathing</a> <a href="/health/mind/2016/07/quick-ways-to-cheer-yourself-up/">5 quick ways to cheer yourself up</a> <a href="/health/mind/2016/06/overcoming-pain-using-the-power-of-the-mind/">Overcoming pain using the power of the mind</a>

Mind

What 5 decades of research reveals about smacking

Smacking is associated with more aggression, more antisocial behaviour, more mental health and cognitive problems, and poorer relationships with parents, according to the most comprehensive analysis of the research to date. And, it appears that the detrimental effects may also reach into adulthood. 2014 data from UNICEF revealed that around the world, 80 per cent of children are smacked or physically disciplined by their parents. It's a controversial issue and the subject of hundreds of studies documenting the impact of corporal punishment on a range of emotional, behavioural, physical and cognitive outcomes. The current research, published in the Journal of Family Psychology, examined 50 years of work involving over 160,000 children. Defining smacking as "hitting a child on their buttocks or extremities using an open hand", Elizabeth Gershoff of The University of Texas and Andrew Grogan-Kaylor of The University of Michigan, examined a range of studies in an attempt to draw more definitive conclusions about the consequences of physical discipline. In a statement, Gershoff explained: "We found that spanking was associated with unintended detrimental outcomes and was not associated with more immediate or long-term compliance, which are parents' intended outcomes when they discipline their children." Specifically, in childhood, smacking was associated with: more aggression, more antisocial behaviour, more externalising problems, more internalising problems, more mental health issues and poorer relationships with parents. It was also linked to lower cognitive ability and lower self-esteem. Undesirable outcomes Gershoff and Grogan-Kaylor also highlighted the link between physical discipline and physical abuse. "We as a society think of spanking and physical abuse as distinct behaviours," explained Gershoff, of this finding. "Yet our research shows that spanking is linked with the same negative child outcomes as abuse, just to a slightly lesser degree." As part of their analysis, Gershoff and Grogan-Kaylor also explored the long-term effects of having been physically disciplined as a child. Adults who were smacked were more likely to display antisocial behaviour and experience mental health problems. In addition, they were more likely to support the use of physical punishment when it came to their own children. "The finding that a history of received spanking is linked with more support for spanking of children as an adult may be an example of intergenerational transmission of spanking, or it may be an example of adults selectively remembering their past as a way of rationalising their current beliefs," the researchers noted. The authors caution that given a large proportion of the studies they analysed were correlational or retrospective in nature, causal links between smacking and the reported child outcomes cannot be established. "That said," they write, "…we can conclude that the data are consistent with a conclusion that spanking is associated with undesirable outcomes." Time to reconsider Importantly, Gershoff and Grogan-Kaylor discovered that the association between smacking and these undesirable outcomes did not depend on how smacking was assessed, who reported the smacking, the country where the research was conducted, or how old the children were. Smacking was associated with negative outcomes consistently and across all types of studies. The researchers conclude that given "there is no evidence that spanking does any good for children and all evidence points to the risk of it doing harm", parents who use it, and practitioners who recommend it, should reconsider doing so. "We hope that our study can help educate parents about the potential harms of spanking and prompt them to try positive and non-punitive forms of discipline," Gershoff said. Tell us: What’s your opinion on smacking? Is there ever a situation where it’s acceptable given the research findings? Written by Ariane Beeston. First appeared on <a href="http://www.stuff.co.nz/" target="_blank">Stuff.co.nz</a>. Related links: <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/04/important-things-to-let-little-children-do/">7 important things little children should be allowed to do</a> <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/04/are-the-lives-of-children-today-too-hectic/">Are the lives of children today too hectic?</a> <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/04/how-to-discipline-kids-without-yelling/">Why you shouldn’t yell at kids</a>

Family & Pets

5 things you should not say when disciplining kids

When it comes to grandparenting and discipline, there are always plenty of opinions on what works and what doesn’t. The best way to sort the fact from fiction? Look at the research. Opinion and fact are two very different things and by basing your decisions on well-researched arguments, you can feel assured you’re getting your information from the best possible sources. It’s important then to note that recent research has found that the way we speak to our children and grandchildren has a far-reaching impact. Certain sayings can be detrimental for a child’s self-esteem and self-image, especially negatively geared phrases like “naughty boy/girl” or “don’t be so stupid”. While saying these kinds of things is generally not meant in a serious or antagonistic way, the words still have the power to create a label for your grandchild. If we are telling them often enough that they are “naughty,” or “bad” or even “silly,” they will often begin referring to themselves in that way. Try re-phrasing the following when speaking with the kids in your life. And remember, if you’re not the guardian of the child, it’s always best to first speak to the child’s parents/guardians and find out how they would like their child to be parented. 1. “You naughty boy/girl” Instead of labelling a child, address the situation that’s given rise to the sentiment, for example, “Do you think what you just did was helping or hurting? How can we make this better?” 2. “How many times have I told you?” This is a saying you probably heard yourself as a child! If you’ve had to say it that many times then clearly the current approach isn’t very effective. Try re-phrasing to something like: “I’m upset that what I’m saying isn’t getting through to you. How could you make better choices in this situation?” 3. “How could you do this to me?” Depending on age, a child does not necessarily have the cognitive ability to understand this kind of question, even if it is rhetorical. Children act to meet their needs and get what they want and often only consider the feelings of others after the fact. Try shifting the focus away from yourself and helping a child understand the impact of their actions. 4. “Just wait till we get home” The use of fear and intimidation does nothing to build a close and trusting relationship. Instead, try a simple: “We will need to discuss this when we get home”. 5. “Don’t be so stupid!” It may seem a throw away line but children label themselves with the phrases they hear again and again. Try taking this out of your vocabulary and using either a question or more positive phrase. Related links: <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/03/reasons-toddlers-throw-tantrum/">The top 5 reasons toddlers throw tantrums</a> <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/03/kids-getting-meaner/">Are our kids getting meaner?</a> <a href="/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/03/beautiful-photos-of-grandpas-and-grandbabies/">15 beautiful photos of grandpas and grandbabies</a>

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Gen X dad’s odd punishment for four-year-old son sparks debate

Spanking does more harm than good, study finds

Dad jailed for sadistic disciplining of kids

Is it OK to tell off other people’s kids?

How to build self-discipline in 10 days

What 5 decades of research reveals about smacking

5 things you should not say when disciplining kids

News

Shop

Catalogues

Travel

Health

Lifestyle

Finance

Entertainment

Property

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Keep up to date

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Gen X dad’s odd punishment for four-year-old son sparks debate

Spanking does more harm than good, study finds

Dad jailed for sadistic disciplining of kids

Is it OK to tell off other people’s kids?

How to build self-discipline in 10 days

What 5 decades of research reveals about smacking

5 things you should not say when disciplining kids

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