Placeholder Content Image

6 ways to be more supportive to those closest to you

<p><em><strong>Susan Krauss Whitbourne is a professor of Psychology and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. She writes the Fulfilment at Any Age blog for Psychology Today.</strong></em></p> <p>During difficult periods of life, such as experiencing a tragic loss or sudden break-up, those you care about need you to be there for them. At other times, your loved ones may not need help, but at least would like some support and encouragement. It’s well known that receiving social support is one of the best and most effective ways to cope with stress. People who perceive themselves to be supported are also most likely to be happier, and may even live longer than those who don’t. New research on social support for parents of autistic children shows just how you can be the person on whom your loved ones can most rely.</p> <p>The ageing parents of adult children with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) undoubtedly face major challenges in their daily life and, according to this new research, benefit tremendously from the type of social support that friends and loved ones can provide. Christine Marsack, in the School of Social Work at Eastern Michigan University, teamed up with Preethy Samuel of Wayne State University (2017), to investigate the role of social support in mediating the amount of perceived burden and quality of life. As the authors point out, caregiving research on adult children and their ageing parents has typically focused on predicting burden in the children. There is far less known about what happens to ageing parents when it’s the children themselves who are in need of caregiving.</p> <p>The Michigan team based their work on the cognitive model of stress and coping, in which it’s the appraisal of an event as stressful that leads it to have a negative impact on the individual. In the case of parents of children with ASD, after coping with the challenge of receiving the diagnosis itself, their next step is to come “to grips with the condition and obtain access to support services to assist with caregiving” (p. 2379). The question that Marsack and Samuel investigated was whether formal or informal social support would have ameliorating effects on parental stress.</p> <p>Using a sample of 320 parents aged 50 and older, the majority of whom were under 70 years of age, the research team administered an online survey inquiring about psychological quality of life, perception of caregiving burden, contact with formal support agencies, and perceived degree of informal social support. Formal supports were used heavily by sample members, including psychiatric, financial, counselling, and adult day care, for example. Even the relatively wide range of opportunities to get help in this way was not enough to stave off the effects of perceived burden on parental mental health outcomes. Instead, it was their answers to a six-item questionnaire of informal support that proved to be key in reducing their perceived stress.</p> <p>The questionnaire used by Marsack and Samuel was one developed for use in assessing perceived availability of social support by coronary heart disease patients that has been widely adapted to other situations. It’s from this measure, known as the Enhancing Recovery in Coronary Heart Disease (ENRICHD) Social Support Index (ESSI), that we can now look to see how you can support people coping with challenges in their own lives right now:</p> <p><strong>1. Be available to listen. </strong></p> <p>The ESSI asks whether there is someone who will be available to listen when needed. This means that you provide a sounding board when the person who needs your support approaches you. It doesn’t mean that you provide help regardless of whether you’re being asked for it. Let the person you care about know that you’re willing to listen, uncritically, when the situation demands it.</p> <p><strong>2. Be available with advice. </strong></p> <p>When you are approached for help, providing advice can prove to be very supportive. Again, providing unsolicited advice isn’t perceived as particularly supportive, but being ready for it when asked will help ensure that your advice hits a receptive audience.</p> <p><strong>3. Show love and affection. </strong></p> <p>Without providing anything in the way of objective support, it’s often enough just to know that someone cares to help get the stressed individual through tough times. The love and affection could be of the face-to-face form, and it's probably best when it is, but it can also come in the form of virtual cheers.</p> <p><strong>4. Help out every now and then with daily chores or by running errands. </strong></p> <p>This is something you need to be able to do in person, so if you live some distance away from the individual you would like to support, it may mean that you take a trip there every few months to do some of the heavy lifting around the house, or just help with some on-site logistics.</p> <p><strong>5. Support the individual during the decision-making process. </strong></p> <p>The person you care about may have to come up with plans that require more than just a sounding board or advice. Being patiently willing to go through the steps required to solve the problem can give the person you care about a more balanced perspective than would be possible if he or she were making this decision alone.</p> <p><strong>6. Be a person who the person you care about can trust and confide in. </strong></p> <p>The ESSI inquires about being actually present, but if this isn’t feasible, that quality of being trustworthy seems to be key. Caring for an adult child with ASD may have led some of the parents to wish they could talk about their frustrations, perhaps even about those they felt toward their spouse, with someone outside the relationship. Worrying that the person they told might violate that trust would only add to the stress of their situation.</p> <p>You might think it’s enough for the person you care about to sign up for an established support network or to be able to receive financial or emergency assistance. The Marsack and Samuel study shows that the quality of the friendship, trust, and sensitivity you provide that can make an even greater difference.</p> <p>There’s no way to avoid all of the stressful situations that life can present, whether through family situations, work problems, or emergencies. Fulfillment in our relationships involves, as this study shows, that willingness to give the support that will make the most difference in helping those we care about.</p> <p><em>Written by Susan Krauss Whitbourne. Republished with permission of <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/files/attachments/4141/the-neuroscience-joyful-education-judy-willis-md.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Psychology Today</a></strong></span>.</em></p> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

Relationships

Placeholder Content Image

"Find a life worth enjoying": Dame Deborah's final letter to her family

<p dir="ltr">Dame Deborah James wrote a heartwarming letter to her family in her final days before succumbing to bowel cancer at the age of 40. </p> <p dir="ltr">The popular British media personality, mother-of-two and podcaster who raised millions of dollars for charity <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/news/news/vale-dame-deborah" target="_blank" rel="noopener">passed away</a> “peacefully” on June 28.</p> <p dir="ltr">In a section of a book titled How To Live When You Could Be Dead, Dame Deborah penned the final letter which her family would be left with. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I am currently sitting here next to the love of my life, Sebastien,” the letter began. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I never quite knew if you could really have a love of your life, but I now know what the very core of unquestioned love is between two people.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I have always loved my husband. I fancied him from when I first met him, and I knew I would marry him after our third date. It was clear to me that, while he wasn’t perfect, there was something about him that was right for me.”</p> <p dir="ltr">She then reflected on their time together and said it was so important to take time for the marriage and how sometimes you forget your loved one is there when life gets busy. </p> <p dir="ltr">“It’s easy to forget that the person you love is still there in front of you when things are clouded by the annoyance of childcare logistics, money pressures and living like ships in the night,” her letter continued.</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CfXIN1-ob4X/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CfXIN1-ob4X/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Deborah James (@bowelbabe)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <p dir="ltr">“I wish I had learned at a young age that making time for your marriage to work should be as much a part of your timetable as going to the gym or cleaning your teeth.</p> <p dir="ltr">“It’s important that you don’t allow the big arguments to build up, when all you really want is to forget about everything and cuddle the one person who you love.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Dame Deborah then got candid about her feelings following her diagnosis with cancer, confessing that she felt “robbed” for not being able to be herself. </p> <p dir="ltr">“As cancer brings my life to an end, I feel this cruel realisation that I’m not fully able to be myself with the one person I have adored and needed in my life more than anyone else,” she wrote. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I feel robbed of the freedom of a body without pain to kiss with, the freedom for us to make whimsical plans for our future and retirement together.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Our goals and dreams have had to be adjusted week by week and day by day, depending on my cancer.”</p> <p dir="ltr">The media personality then reached a part for her children Hugo and Eloise as she recalled precious memories she had while raising them. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I’ve learned that there are many ways to parent — nothing is right or wrong as long as there is love,” she wrote.</p> <p dir="ltr">“There are mental snapshots of being a parent that will never leave you. But the beautifully etched memories that will come to you in your death are not necessarily the ones you might expect.</p> <p dir="ltr">“One of my first is of Hugo when he was four days old. He was lying next to me in our double bed in our flat, and he was looking for my breast to feed on — he was yellow and had a big conehead.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I remember looking at this little 6lb ball cradled against my tummy and thinking that it was only at this point that I had begun to understand what love was.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I now look at that same 14-year-old boy, who still takes the time to cuddle up next to me on the sofa, and I would give anything to continue being able to protect him in the way I did when he was just four days old.” </p> <p dir="ltr">Dame Deborah then ended with a reminder, telling readers that it is okay to relax and take time for yourself. </p> <p dir="ltr">“Take time out. Relaxing isn’t an indulgence — it’s a form of refilling ourselves. None of us can drink from empty cups.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Each day, do things that make you happy — build them into your life and never criticise others for the things that make them happy.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Every day we wake not knowing if we will see the full 24 hours of the day, so as the sun comes up on a new day, we should feel blessed.</p> <p dir="ltr">“We are given 86,400 seconds every day, and we each choose how to use them.</p> <p dir="ltr">“It is only as they begin to slip away from us that we understand the value of each and every one of those seconds.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>You can read the entire letter from Dame Deborah James from How To Live When You Could Be Dead, by Deborah James out on August 18, 2022. </strong></p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Images: Instagram</em></p>

Caring

Placeholder Content Image

Engagement ring sparks fury: Too small or just right?

<p>For many years, there has been debate surrounding the importance of an engagement ring’s size and value. </p> <p>While some are adamant they would prefer to choose their own ring, others believe it doesn’t have as much importance as many would think.</p> <p>One bride-to-be took to social media to slam her fiance for proposing with a “tiny” engagement ring, and since then the post has gone viral. </p> <p>The anonymous woman shared a snap of the band online and asked if she was being “shady” and “materialistic” for not wanting to wear a ring with a “little a**” jewel. </p> <p>“We been together for eight years and talking about getting married for almost three,” the bride-to-be wrote. </p> <p>“This the ring he said he saved up to buy me. Am I being shady or materialistic if I tell this mf I don’t want this little a** ring? [sic].”</p> <p>The photo showed a delicate gold band with a small diamond attached. </p> <p><img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7830112/jackie-o-home-8.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/9e33f73d409e48949349363abceaff68" /></p> <p>A screenshot of the post has since attracted thousands of comments and reactions, with mixed opinions. </p> <p>One user agreed with the woman’s stance, writing: “I’m not materialistic when it comes to things like this but if my man proposed with THAT I would be full on insulted.</p> <p>“He went out of his way to find the cheapest possible option; which to me says that he’s probably like that in every aspect of the relationship and will probably be like that in every aspect of their marriage.”</p> <p>Another added: “Honestly, I’m with her on this. You can get affordable rings that don’t look like they came out of the little dispenser machine next to the stickers and gumballs at Cici’s Pizza.</p> <p>“Even with a small budget he could have gotten something that won’t immediately snap if it gets snagged, and I wouldn’t trust that jewel setting to last more than a week with everyday wear.”</p> <p>However, a few came to the boyfriend’s defence and thought the woman was being harsh. </p> <p>“I’d much rather have just a plain band than the diamond chip,” one person argued. “Because what I care about is him wanting to spend his life with me, not a diamond.”</p> <p>“I kinda like her ring. It's very modern and sleek looking. I'd wear that in a heartbeat,” another added.</p> <p>The minimalist style ring has become an increasingly popular option for those looking for delicate additions to their wardrobe, albeit not for engagement rings. </p>

Caring

Placeholder Content Image

6 marriage tips from grandmas you’d be a fool not to follow

<p><strong>Be careful what you look for because you might just find it</strong></p> <p>“My great grandmother always told me to be careful what you go fishing for because you may come out with snakes. As a therapist, I share this with my clients when they are suspicious of what their partner are doing. They may think they want to know everything but are the results worth the fallout from that information? Often we tend to think we are ready to know all the dirty details only to realize we were better off before.” —<em><a href="http://www.shannonbattle.com/"><strong>Shannon Battle</strong></a>, licensed professional counsellor</em></p> <p><strong>Saying no has a price</strong></p> <p>“My grandmother told me, ‘What you won’t do for your man, another woman will.’ As a married woman, I’m finally beginning to understand the wisdom in her advice. Sometimes we get comfortable and think our spouse will never look elsewhere. Marriage can get stale so it’s important to be open to making adjustments as we go through different experience, age, or change.” —<em>Shannon Battle </em></p> <p><strong>It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it</strong></p> <p>“As a child, my Southern grandmother taught me that successful relationships were more a result of character than content. As such, her favourite saying was ‘You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.’ Now that I work as a marriage counsellor I see how true that is. It’s important to always speak kindly even in tense situations as kind words help couples establish and maintain habits of fair and equitable collaboration that creates a stronger bond.” —Bill Benson, licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical counsellor at The Mental Gym</p> <p><strong>Let him (or her) win</strong></p> <p>“When I first got married my grandma told me to ‘always let him win.’ At the time, I didn’t like this advice because I didn’t think it was fair. Why should I always let him win? As I got older and more mature, I see her point and see why this is such an amazing way to be in a relationship. It’s not that we get taken advantage of, or let ourselves be used or abused, but it’s about letting your partner win with the small things. It’s about compromising for the sake of a peaceful marriage. You give in to smaller conflicts for the good of the whole, and for a more peaceful union.” —<em><a href="http://www.karennaalexander.com/"><strong>Karenna Alexander</strong></a>, dating and relationship coach, based in Connecticut and New York City</em></p> <p><strong>Have a hot meal ready</strong></p> <p>“My grandma always had a delicious meal waiting for my grandfather and told me to do the same. At first when I heard her saying this it seemed outdated and even a little silly. I figured a guy should love me for me, not for my cooking skills. And it’s true, if you have a good guy, you aren’t going to lose him if you are a bad cook. But that said, cooking a meal for someone you love is a way of showing them love and that a you are there for them every day. It’s a form of communication, even on days when you both are exhausted and have nothing left. It’s a way of communicating love and creativity and caring, even when words aren’t spoken.” —<em>Karenna Alexander</em></p> <p><strong>Pretend you can’t open the pickle jar</strong></p> <p>“My grandparents were married for 41 years and my grandma told me her secret: ‘Sometimes you have to let the other person feel needed, even if they aren’t.’ She explained how she would have my grandfather do little things like filing papers, or opening jars for her. She knew how to open a tight jar herself but she would still leave the tight jars until he came home from work. ‘Nobody wants to feel like you don’t need them to do nothing!’ she’d tell me. I understood later in life that even though I can change my own tire, my significant other wants to feel like he is the only one who can do it. And I am okay with that.” —<em>Whitney Tillery, relationship coach and blogger at <a href="http://shewriteablog.com/"><strong>shewriteablog.com</strong></a> </em>(Here are <a href="https://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/happy-marriage-feel-loved/1"><strong>12 other tiny ways to make your spouse feel loved</strong></a>.)</p> <p><em>Written by Charlotte Hilton Andersen. This article first appeared in </em><a href="https://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/marriage-tips-from-grandmas-youd-be-a-fool-not-to-follow/"><span><em>Reader’s Digest</em></span></a><em><a href="https://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/marriage-tips-from-grandmas-youd-be-a-fool-not-to-follow/">. </a>For more of what you love from the world’s best-loved magazine, </em><span><em><a href="http://readersdigest.innovations.co.nz/c/readersdigestemailsubscribe?utm_source=over60&amp;utm_medium=articles&amp;utm_campaign=RDSUB&amp;keycode=WRN87V">here’s our best subscription offer.</a></em></span></p> <p> </p> <p><img style="width: 100px !important; height: 100px !important;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7820640/1.png" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/f30947086c8e47b89cb076eb5bb9b3e2" /></p>

Caring

Placeholder Content Image

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire contestant loses $166K after audience gives wrong answer

<p>Who Wants To Be A Millionaire in the UK saw an unlucky contestant lose £93,000 ($176,087 NZD) because he decided to side with the audience on a literature question.</p> <p>As Oliver Blake, 24, got closer towards the end of the game show, the questions increased in difficulty. He had already won £125,000 ($236,676 NZD) and could’ve walked away with the cash.</p> <p>However, Blake was interested in doubling his money to £250,000 ($473,317 NZD) and decided to stay and see what the question was.</p> <p>The tricky literature question said:</p> <p>"3 May. Bistritz. Left Munich at 8:35pm" are the opening words to which novel?</p> <ol> <li>Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy</li> <li>Dracula</li> <li>Heart of Darkness</li> <li>Frankenstein</li> </ol> <p>As the financial analyst had not read any of the four books that were the answers, he used his 50:50 lifeline that allowed him to remove two wrong answers.</p> <p>As the answers were removed, Blake still had no idea and decided to ask the audience for their thoughts. With UK host, Jeremy Clarkson, egging on the contestant by saying:</p> <p>“If you get it right you've got a quarter of a million and you're two questions from the big one.”</p> <p>It’s clear that tensions were high and Blake explained that:</p> <p>“I imagined many of them would have read at least one of the books and would known the answer.”</p> <p>With the audience voting in extremely highly favoured odds for Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, that’s the answer that Blake went with – 81% of the audience voted in favour of that answer.</p> <p>He said: “I think let's go with... let's do it. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, final answer.”</p> <p>The audience, Blake and Clarkson waited with anticipation to see what answer was the correct one. As the audience groaned, the correct answer flashed across the screen: Dracula.</p> <p>Clarkson stated: “It's the wrong answer. What an absolute nightmare, it's Dracula.”</p> <p>However, the contestant took it in his stride as well, saying that “it’s something I now know”. As he walked off the stage, he went home with reduced winnings of £32,000 pounds ($60,589 NZD).</p> <p>Not a bad haul, but not as good as what he could have had.</p> <p>Did you know the correct answer? Let us know in the comments.</p>

Mind

Placeholder Content Image

Why you shouldn’t be afraid of dying alone

<p><em><strong>Glenys Caswell is a sociologist and Senior Research Fellow at the University of Nottingham. Her research focuses on social management of dying and death.</strong></em></p> <p>It seems so obvious that no one should die alone that we never talk about it, but people do often die when they are alone. Sometimes they die in a way that suggests they prefer to be alone as they are coming to the end of their lives. So is it really such a bad thing to be alone when you die?</p> <p>When a person is dying in a hospital or a care home it is common for the nurses caring for them to summon their family. Many people will have the experience of trying to <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.2190/OM.55.3.d" target="_blank">keep vigil beside a family member</a></strong></span>. It is hard – as everyday life goes on regardless – and it can be emotionally exhausting. Sometimes, the relative will die when their family have gone to make a phone call or get a cup of tea, leaving the family feeling distressed and guilty for not being there when they died.</p> <p>There is plenty of research literature, from many countries, devoted to trying to decide <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0885392415001578" target="_blank">what makes a good death</a></strong></span>. There are differences to be found between countries, but similarities too. One similarity is a belief that <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S106474811600138X?via%3Dihub" target="_blank">no one should die alone</a></strong></span>.</p> <p>This idea sits well with the view of dying that can be found in many different places. When interviewed as research participants, health professionals – and <strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2904589/" target="_blank">nurses in particular</a></span> </strong>– commonly say that no one should die alone. There are also many cultural references that suggest that to die alone is a bad thing. Consider, for example, the death of Ebenezer Scrooge in Dickens’s <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong><a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/files/46/46-h/46-h.htm" target="_blank">A Christmas Carol</a></strong></em></span>, or the death of Nemo, the law writer in <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong><a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/1023/1023-h/1023-h.htm" target="_blank">Bleak House</a></strong></em></span>. These are both sad, dark, lonely deaths of a kind to be avoided.</p> <p>Celebrity deaths, such as those of comedian and actress <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2016/apr/20/victoria-wood-dies-aged-62-comedian" target="_blank">Victoria Wood</a></strong></span> or <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-35278872" target="_blank">David Bowie</a></strong></span>, are described in the news as peaceful or good when they are surrounded by family. Ordinary people who die alone make the news when the person’s body is undiscovered for a long time. When this happens the death is likely to be described in <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S027795360300577X?via%3Dihub" target="_blank">negative terms</a></strong></span>, such as shocking, lonely, tragic or as a sad indictment of society.</p> <p><strong>Some people prefer to be alone</strong></p> <p>Of course, it may be the case that many people would prefer to have their family around them when they are dying. But there is <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/21582041.2015.1114663" target="_blank">evidence</a></strong></span> that suggests that some people would <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0277953615003482?via%3Dihub" target="_blank">prefer to be alone</a></strong></span> as they are coming to the end of their lives.</p> <p>My own <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/13576275.2017.1413542" target="_blank">research</a></strong></span> found that while hospice-at-home nurses believe that no one should die alone, they had seen cases where a person died after their family members had left the bedside. The nurses believed that some people just want to be on their own when they are dying. They also thought that people may have a measure of control over when they die, and choose to do so when their family are not around.</p> <p>In the same study, I also talked to older people who were living alone to find out their views about dying alone. I was intrigued to learn that dying alone was not seen as something that is automatically bad, and for some of the older people it was to be preferred. For some people in this group, dying was not the worst thing that could happen – being trapped in a care home was considered to be far worse than dying alone.</p> <p>Cultural representations of dying suggest that being alone while dying is a dreadful thing. This view is supported by healthcare policy and the practices of health professionals, such as nurses. But we all know people who prefer to be left alone when they are ill. Is it so surprising then that some might wish to be alone when they are dying?</p> <p>It is time we began to talk about this and to accept that we want different things in our dying as we do in our living. Openness created through discussion might also help to remove some of the guilt that family members feel when they miss the moment of their relative’s death.</p> <p><em>Written by Glenys Caswell. Republished with the permission of <a href="https://theconversation.com/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">The Conversation</span></strong></a>.<img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/90034/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/> </em></p>

Caring

Placeholder Content Image

Smug quiz show contestant’s embarrassing fail

<p>A smug quiz show contestant got his comeuppance when he failed to answer the very first question on <em>Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.</em></p> <p>Brenton Andreasik, a self-professed “nerd”, was a little too confident as he prepared to answer his first question in a resurfaced clip from 2015.</p> <p>“Ten million people watching a show about smart people every night, celebrating being smart, and I thought, you know what, maybe it’s not so bad being smart,” he said.</p> <p>“Maybe it’s not bad being a nerd. Maybe it’s cool to be smart and I followed that all the way, and I just graduated from medical school.”</p> <p>But when faced with the first question, Brenton’s confidence falters.</p> <p>“Snapping selfies in kitchens you can’t afford and taking a ‘meatball break’ are two things BuzzFeed says every 20-something does on their first trip … where?” was the first question posed.</p> <p>It’s an odd question but when you see the options of “To Paris, To London, To Rome or To Ikea”, the answer should become obvious.</p> <p>But for Brenton, the path forward was not clear.</p> <p>He wrong answers “Rome”, adding that he would like to spend his winnings on a trip there.</p> <p>To add to his embarrassing fail, he even mentions that Ikea serves meatballs before deciding that there is no way that could be the right answer.</p> <p><iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/LssgdtgJxA4?rel=0" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></p>

Mind

Placeholder Content Image

5 TV characters who inspire us to be better

<p>Television is a unique art form, in that we invite characters into our living rooms, where they share their stories and struggles with us. Over the months or years we know them, many of television’s iconic characters can be a source of great inspiration to us. Here are some of our favourites.</p> <p><strong>1. Derek from <em>Derek</em></strong></p> <p>“Kindness is magic” is the motto of this show and its titular character. Played with sweet sensitivity by Ricky Gervais, Ricky is a worker at an aged care facility, and possesses a pronounced childlike naivety and tendencies that suggest he sits somewhere on the autism spectrum. Despite experiencing difficulties of his own, Derek firmly believes being kind is more important than being good looking or clever, and he proves that over and over again with his selfless, joyous acts.</p> <p><strong>2. Leslie Knope from <em>Parks and Recreation</em></strong></p> <p>If you haven’t yet met the permanently positive Leslie Knope of Pawnee, Indiana, then you’re in for a treat. As the Deputy Director of the city Parks Department, Leslie is frequently impeded by red tape, political scandals, apathetic colleagues, and certifiable locals, but doesn’t let anything slow her down. Amy Poehler’s performance as Leslie is endearing and energetic, making it impossible to not be on her side.</p> <p><strong>3. Alicia Florrick from <em>The Good Wife</em></strong></p> <p>In the opening moments of <em>The Good Wife</em>, we discover that Alicia Florrick’s husband, the State’s Attorney for Cook County, has been disgraced and jailed in relation to corruption charges and a sex scandal. After 13 years as a full-time mother, and with no option left to her, Alicia returns to her dormant legal career by securing a job at a prestigious Chicago law firm. Alicia endures the public scrutiny that comes her way following her husband’s scandals, and works hard to prove herself as more than just Peter Florrick’s wife. Julianna Marguiles is outstanding as Alicia.</p> <p><strong>4. Queen Elizabeth from <em>The Crown</em></strong></p> <p>No, she’s not fictional, but, as played by Claire Foy (for the series’ first two seasons), Queen Elizabeth is stoic, thoughtful, and a joy to watch, as she navigates a rapidly modernising world, tends to her fragile marriage, and endures the harsh criticisms invited by a role she never sought.</p> <p><strong>5. Jane Villanueva from <em>Jane the Virgin</em></strong></p> <p>Inspired by her grandmother’s lectures, Jane Villanueva decides to abstain from having sex until she is married. However, thanks to a distracted gynaecologist, Jane becomes pregnant in this wonderful series’ pilot episode. Unmarried, and with a religious family, Jane walks the unusual path ahead of her with grace, and bravery.</p> <p>Which TV character inspires you most?</p>

TV

Placeholder Content Image

How big should our meals really be?

<p><em><strong>Mackenzie Fong is a PhD Candidate in Obesity and Metabolism at the University of Sydney. Claire Madigan is a Clinical Trials Manager and Research Fellow in Weight Management at the University of Sydney.</strong></em></p> <p>We all know the adage “eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper”. But is there any truth behind this?</p> <p>Eating a small dinner seems to makes sense if we think about our <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.nigms.nih.gov/education/pages/Factsheet_CircadianRhythms.aspx" target="_blank">circadian rhythm</a></strong></span> – our 24-hour body clock that helps us determine what time it is. It receives light from the eyes and tells us when we should wake up and when we should go to sleep. It also tells us the best time to digest food is during the day.</p> <p>Yet dinner tends to be our largest meal and we eat almost <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://ajcn.nutrition.org/content/84/5/1215.full" target="_blank">half our daily kilojoules in the evening</a></strong></span>.</p> <p>When we eat during the night we burn less <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23174861" target="_blank">fat</a></strong></span>. It’s still unclear why, but it may have something to do with how well <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/14647218" target="_blank">fat is absorbed and transported</a></strong></span> from our gut in the day and night.</p> <p>Our body also finds it more difficult to process carbohydrates in the evening. This could be due to <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://academic.oup.com/edrv/article/18/5/716/2530790" target="_blank">reduced insulin sensitivity at night</a></strong></span>. This is particularly pertinent to the <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20122305" target="_blank">20% of the workforce</a></strong></span> who are night shift workers and eat when they are meant to be sleeping.</p> <p>The mismatch of sleep/wake cycles and eating is known as <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24892891" target="_blank">circadian misalignment</a></strong></span>, which can cause the post-meal levels of sugar and fat in our blood to be <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12097665" target="_blank">abnormally high</a></strong></span>. For people who regularly work (and therefore eat) at night, this can lead to persistently high levels of sugar and fat in the blood, and an increased risk of developing <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.bmj.com/content/345/bmj.e4800" target="_blank">diabetes, heart disease and stroke</a></strong></span>.</p> <p>The effects of <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.waldeneatingdisorders.com/popular-searches/night-eating-syndrome-nes/" target="_blank">night eating</a></strong></span> have led to the speculation that eating lighter dinners could be better for our weight too. Some <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://fullplateliving.org/sites/default/files/recipes_ebook.pdf" target="_blank">health professionals</a></strong></span> advise eating most of our kilojoules during the day and eating a smaller dinner as a way to lose weight.</p> <p>To see whether eating most of our kilojoules in the evening is associated with excess weight, and if dieters lose more weight by eating a smaller dinners, <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28967343" target="_blank">we reviewed</a></strong></span> 18 studies that included more than 76,000 people.</p> <p>When we examined all the evidence we found that overall, people who ate big dinners were not heavier than those who ate small dinners. Among dieters, we found that, on average, those who ate small dinners did not lose more weight than those who ate big dinners.</p> <p>The reasons are unclear, but perhaps the circadian rhythm of our metabolism is not be as straightforward as we thought. <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26219416" target="_blank">Research</a></strong></span> in healthy young people (aged 20 to 35) found metabolism was more efficient in the morning; while another <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0148607113482331?url_ver=Z39.88-2003&amp;rfr_id=ori%3Arid%3Acrossref.org&amp;rfr_dat=cr_pub%3Dpubmed&amp;" target="_blank">study</a></strong></span> of older, sick people (52 to 80 years) found that metabolism was actually higher at night.</p> <p>If age and health status does affect the circadian rhythm of our metabolism, a blanket rule like eating dinner like a pauper may not be appropriate.</p> <p>It could be that big-dinner eaters wake up feeling full and are “trained” to eat less during the day. This is called <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18187517" target="_blank">entrainment</a></strong></span>, and would compensate for the extra food eaten at night.</p> <p>It comes down to <em>what and how much you eat</em> over the day, rather than when you eat most of your food. Overindulging at breakfast and lunch and then eating a big dinner will make you <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/kilojoules-and-calories" target="_blank">gain weight</a></strong></span>. But the big dinner isn’t the only culprit, it’s the other meals as well that have pushed the kilojoule intake beyond the body’s needs.</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.nutritionaustralia.org/national/resource/balancing-energy-and-out" target="_blank">Women need to eat around 8,000 kilojoules and men 9,900 kilojoules each day</a></strong></span>. This will vary depending on your age and levels of physical activity. For a more specific estimate, you can calculate your kilojoule target <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.8700.com.au/kj-explained/your-ideal-figure/" target="_blank">here</a></strong></span>.</p> <p>So eating a big dinner might be OK as long as you moderate your energy intake by eating less at other meals. Keep in mind that eating regular, moderately sized meals may help to <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21123467" target="_blank">control your appetite</a></strong></span> more effectively than gorging on fewer, larger meals.</p> <p><em>Written by Mackenzie Fong and Claire Madigan. Republished with permission of <a href="http://theconversation.com/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">The Conversation</span></strong></a>. </em><img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/86840/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/></p>

Body

Placeholder Content Image

How to be more persuasive – according to science

<p><em><strong>Harriet Dempsey-Jones is a Postdoctoral Researcher in Cognitive Neurosciences at the University of Oxford.</strong></em></p> <p>Whether it’s getting your partner to do more housework or making your colleagues back your latest idea, we all end up spending a considerable amount of time trying to persuade or even manipulate others.</p> <p>So can science offer any clever tricks to get people to do what we want, without resorting to bullying them? It’s complicated, but some 30 years of psychological research suggests there might just be a few methods that are worth a try.</p> <p><strong>Use a person’s body against them</strong></p> <p>Got a date coming up? Maybe you should consider taking them to see a horror movie. “<span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1963-06064-001" target="_blank">Misattribution of arousal</a></strong></span>” is a popular theory in social psychology that suggests people sometimes mislabel feelings from their body. For example, you experience an elevated heart rate when you are anxious, but also when you are excited. Psychologists have therefore been experimenting on whether it is possible to use this idea to manipulate individuals into thinking they are experiencing particular emotions, such as believing they are attracted when they’re actually scared.</p> <p>In one such study, an “attractive female interviewer” asked male passers-by to complete a questionnaire <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Donald_Dutton/publication/18709788_Some_Evidence_for_Heightened_Sexual_Attraction_under_Conditions_of_High_Anxiety/links/00b7d5232780cc7ca5000000.pdf" target="_blank">while standing on a rickety suspension bridge</a></strong></span> that hung high above a gorge. She also asked another set of men to complete the questionnaire on a sturdy, low-hanging bridge (not likely to evoke fear). She told them they could call her afterwards if they wanted more details on the study. Amusingly, significantly more men called the interviewer if they had met her on the fear-inducing bridge.</p> <p>Similar studies have found that men also rate women as more attractive if they have had an <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/rev/69/5/379/" target="_blank">injection of adrenaline</a></strong></span> (that they were told was vitamins), <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/BF01650604" target="_blank">been startled</a></strong></span>, <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1982-05734-001" target="_blank">doing exercise or listening to a taped story</a></strong></span> designed to cause shock. Most of these studies looked at men’s reaction to women, but the effect <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/BF01650604" target="_blank">seems to hold true</a></strong></span> for women too.</p> <p>It was first thought that this happens because participants <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1975-26821-001" target="_blank">experienced arousal from an unclear source</a></strong></span>, and looked to the situation they were in to provide context. Later reviews <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Rainer_Reisenzein/publication/16840488_The_Schachter_theory_of_emotion_Two_decades_later/links/5425723f0cf2e4ce9403816d.pdf" target="_blank">have suggested</a></strong></span> that, while it may not – in fact – be possible to implant an emotion through suggestion, it is possible to intensify pre-existing feelings in this way.</p> <p><strong>A compulsion for reciprocity</strong></p> <p>Somewhat counter-intuitively, if you want to get something from someone – you should give them something yourself.</p> <p>The “<span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.jstor.org/stable/2092623?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents" target="_blank">reciprocity norm</a></strong></span>” describes the way people feel (often strongly) indebted to a person who has bestowed a gift or favour upon them until they repay in kind. Charities have been using this principle to increase donations for decades: providing an unconditional gift before a donation (even a humble paperclip) can <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1468-0262.2007.00800.x/abstract" target="_blank">increase the amount given by up to 75%</a></strong></span>, as it unconsciously obliges the individual to give back.</p> <p>However, one must be careful using this strategy. Providing external incentives (like a gift) when trying to get something, <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10589297" target="_blank">can actually decrease giving</a></strong></span> in certain situations – particularly with respect to charitable giving. This is because getting a reward can undermine the intrinsic altruistic motivations for giving (making it more like getting repaid for your charity). Or, because it takes away <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0167487012000530" target="_blank">another strong motivator for giving</a></strong></span>: looking generous in the eyes of others (taking a gift could make you look less “pure”).</p> <p><strong>Use clever language</strong></p> <p>Another way to beguile someone involves picking your words to help you maximise your chances in a very subtle way. For instance, in an argument, your choice of pronouns can surprisingly <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2005.01639.x" target="_blank">affect how people react</a></strong></span> to what you say.</p> <p>Using statements beginning with “you” (“you should have finished that report”) will <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://guilfordjournals.com/doi/abs/10.1521/jscp.1995.14.1.53" target="_blank">evoke more antagonism in the recipient</a></strong></span> as opposed to statements beginning with “I” (“I am stressed because the report is not done”). This is because removing the “you” removes the accusatory element.</p> <p>Another linguistic trick is to use nouns rather than verbs when discussing an outcome you want to happen. In one study people were asked “how important is it to you to be a voter in tomorrow’s election?” versus “how important is it to you to vote in tomorrow’s election?” When people were asked about “being a voter”, <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://guilfordjournals.com/doi/abs/10.1521/soco.22.2.193.35463" target="_blank">this primed their self-identity</a></strong></span> as a person who votes. The people who were asked about being a “voter” were 11% more likely to vote in a state election the next day, compared to those who were asked about “voting”.</p> <p>There are also various other body and language tricks you can employ that have been shown to increase people’s liking or trust in you, such as subtly <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1999-05479-002" target="_blank">mimicking people’s body posture</a></strong></span>, looking people <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1986-27160-001" target="_blank">in the eye more frequently</a></strong></span> and <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/03637758409390188" target="_blank">saying their name</a></strong></span> more often.</p> <p><strong>Use rewards and punishments variably</strong></p> <p>Does your loved one need some “<span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2004-21805-000" target="_blank">behaviour shaping</a></strong></span>”? Maybe a bit more hanging up the bathmat, and a bit less using your toothbrush? We all know that you can increase <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2004-21805-000" target="_blank">the likelihood that someone will do something</a></strong></span> by rewarding it, and decrease it through punishment.</p> <p>But, <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.simplypsychology.org/operant-conditioning.html" target="_blank">operant conditioning psychology</a></strong></span> shows that for prolonged manipulation, it is better not to reward or punish <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/2004-21805-000/" target="_blank">every instance of the behaviour</a></strong></span>. So if you want someone to keep doing something (or to stop doing something), you can simply alter the schedule by which you dole out rewards or punishments to maximise their compliance.</p> <p>A variable reinforcement schedule like this works by the slightly creepy “will they, won’t they” principle – where <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/1975-11296-000" target="_blank">the uncertainty makes people learn faster</a></strong></span> and maintain a behaviour longer once the reward or punishment is removed. In the same way, not knowing how many more plays you need before you win is part of what makes <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://europepmc.org/abstract/med/11447569" target="_blank">gambling and the lottery so addictive</a></strong></span>.</p> <p><strong>Ask for something you don’t want</strong></p> <p>A large body of popular research suggests that if you are trying to get something, you may help your case by also asking for something you don’t want. The “foot-in-the-door method” refers to the fact that, once a person has agreed to a very small request, <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/0022103174900535" target="_blank">they are more likely to agree to another</a></strong></span>, much larger request – significantly more so than if they were only posed with the large request.</p> <p>It was first suggested this must occur because people use their own behaviour as a cue to their internal attitudes. Since they were not pressured externally into agreeing, the person unconsciously infers their acquiescence is due to a positive attitude towards the asker or the issue.</p> <p>The effect seems to hold even when the second request is a completely <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://insights.ovid.com/personality-social-psychology/jpspy/1966/08/000/compliance-without-pressure/10/00005205" target="_blank">different type, or when made by a different person</a></strong></span>. Given this, it was thought that perhaps the first “yes” changes the individual’s own disposition towards saying yes to things in general (“I am clearly such a yes man”).</p> <p>On the flip side, if you ask for something outrageously large that a person would never agree to, you actually <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/index.cfm?fa=buy.optionToBuy&amp;id=1975-11600-001" target="_blank">raise your chances of agreement</a></strong></span> to a second smaller request. This may also be a form of reciprocity effect: the person being asked is <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/03637759909376482" target="_blank">compelled to make a compromise</a></strong></span>, in response to the asker making a concession.</p> <p>In sum, social psychology may not change your life… but it may just help you get the last biscuit.</p> <p><em>Written by Harriet Dempsey-Jones. Republished with permission of <a href="http://theconversation.com/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">The Conversation</span></strong></a>.</em><img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/87196/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/></p>

Mind

Placeholder Content Image

How to be an ethical traveller

<p>I had planned to write a handy guide of the best travel planning tools to put together your own best holiday that also gives the most benefits to local tour operators, guides, accommodation providers and restaurants.</p> <p>It turns out that isn't so easy to collate – and is, in part, why travellers are lured by travel companies which own the airline they fly on, the hotel they stay in, the shuttle they transfer with and the day trip tours they book through the concierge. Cruise holidays can be the worst offenders for this poor attempt at trickle-down economics for travel.</p> <p>Unfortunately, there is no such catch-all website – of TripAdvisor, Viator or Booking.com scale – that specialises in ethical travel: where the emphasis is to book locally owned restaurants, tours and guesthouses and avoid chain hotels. And although TripAdvisor and Booking have filters for results based on your preferred hotel chain, they both seem to lack any sort of filter for eco-friendly or low-carbon certified options.</p> <p>There are, however, a few smaller websites that are gaining traction in this travel niche. Many are based in the US and Western Europe, but travellers can use them because many act as intermediaries, showcasing the accommodation and tour options available even if you then must book directly with the vendor.</p> <p>The type of traveller who doesn't book much until they arrive at their destination, when they are able to compare properties, rooms and (hopefully management) can easily support local operators by avoiding the big name chains – but who has time for that? Not me. But if you're one to obsessively book months in advance look at responsibletravel.com or i-escape.com. They have a variety of sustainable tourism options which have verifiable accommodation, locally run tours and high environmentalism standards for all vendors listed.</p> <p>British site <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.greentraveller.co.uk/" target="_blank">greentraveller.co.uk</a></strong></span> specialises in eco-friendly European breaks emphasising rail options over flights, but of course for Kiwis a minimum three-hour flight is part and parcel of any international holiday, no matter your green goals.</p> <p>American offering <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://kindtraveler.com/" target="_blank">kindtraveler.com</a></strong></span> operates a "give and get" initiative, in which you donate  about US$10 ($14) which is donated to local charities. You, in turn, get exclusive discounts when you book directly with the hotel provider.</p> <p>A more upmarket option is <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.bouteco.co/" target="_blank">bouteco.co</a></strong></span>, which promotes independent accommodation providers  that meet stringent eco-standards  and offer high-spec design and service (apparently, luxury environmentalism isn't an oxymoron).</p> <p>And even if you still prefer to use a local travel agent, it isn't a hassle to insist on locally owned accommodation, or at least shun the all-inclusive option which will only entice you to stay within the gated community of a resort instead of interacting with locals and letting them show off their part of the world – which is where the real value of your holiday comes from.</p> <p><strong>Help travel dollars trickle down</strong></p> <ul> <li>Leave the resort or hotel!</li> <li>Choose markets and restaurants that specialise in local ingredients</li> <li>Opt for accommodation providers that have certification on environmental and social standards</li> <li>When tipping, do it in cash directly to the person</li> <li>Book tours independently and choose local guides</li> </ul> <p>What are your thoughts?</p> <p><em>Written by Josh Martin. Republished with permission of <a href="http://www.stuff.co.nz/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Stuff.co.nz</span></strong></a>.</em></p> <p><a href="http://www.oversixty.com.au/travel/travel-insurance/?utm_source=over60&amp;utm_campaign=travel-insurance&amp;utm_medium=in-article-banner&amp;utm_content=travel-insurance" target="_blank"><img src="http://media.oversixty.com.au/images/banners/Travel-Insurance_Website_GIF_468x602.gif" alt="Over60 Travel Insurance"/></a></p>

Travel Tips

Placeholder Content Image

Can women be psychopaths too?

<p>Dr Xanthe Mallett is a Forensic Criminologist at the University of Newcastle and the author of Mothers who Murder.</p> <p>Hear the word psychopath and most of us think of violent, dominant men. There are lots of male psychopathic monsters from movies to illustrate this point. Think Alex in <em>A Clockwork Orange</em>, or Patrick Bateman in <em>American Psycho</em>.</p> <p>But we do have some female examples: Annie Wilkes in <em>Misery</em>, and who could forget Alex Forrest’s bunny-boiling character in <em>Fatal Attraction</em>? These frightening fictional femme fatales stay with us – I’ve heard the term “bunny boiler” used to signify a woman behaving irrationally and violently – but they are unusual. We largely expect psychopaths to be men.</p> <p>Research indicates <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/14999013.2014.951105" target="_blank">there are likely</a></strong></span> to be fewer female psychopaths than male. This may well be true. However, a compounding factor leading to the underestimation of the true occurrence rate of psychopathy in women could be behavioural differences that cause them to slip under society’s radar. This is important to acknowledge as female psychopaths can be just as dangerous as their male counterparts.</p> <p><strong>What is psychopathy?</strong></p> <p>Psychopathy is a personality disorder characterised by a number of abnormal behavioural traits and emotional responses. These include lack of empathy, guilt or remorse, and being manipulative and deceitful. People with psychopathy are often irresponsible and have a disregard for laws or social conventions.</p> <p>Psychopaths often get away with these behaviours because they can be superficially quite charming. They are true observers of human behaviour, often <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40806-015-0012-x" target="_blank">being able to mimic</a></strong></span> love, fear, remorse and other emotions well enough to go undetected.</p> <p>Current thinking suggests psychopaths’ behaviour patterns result from variations in the structure of their brains at birth. A <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/07/170705123121.htm" target="_blank">recent study</a></strong></span> from Harvard University indicated their brains are wired in a way that can lead to violent or dangerous actions.</p> <p>Researchers used MRI scans to determine if activity and connections between areas of the brain associated with impulsivity and assessing the value of choices differed between those who scored highly for psychopathy and those who didn’t. The scans showed psychopaths make more short-sighted, impulsive decisions based on short-term gain, when compared to non-psychopaths, and that it is the structure of their brains that leads them to make these kinds of poor decisions.</p> <p>Add this to their lack of empathy and it means if violence or dangerous behaviour will help a psychopath achieve a short-term goal, that is the path they will take. There is also <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2933872/" target="_blank">evidence genetics</a></strong></span> are at least partly responsible for the development of psychopathic traits. In essence, psychopaths are born, not made.</p> <p><strong>Case studies</strong></p> <p>Certain case studies show how women psychopaths present in the real world. “Amy” is a 20-year-old female <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14999013.2012.746755" target="_blank">serving a life sentence</a></strong></span> for murder. She has been diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder with psychopathic traits.</p> <p>Amy fits the description of having extreme psychopathic tendencies. She was showing antisocial behaviour in her teens, including running away from home and engaging in substance abuse. Before her conviction for murder, Amy had numerous convictions for fraud and assault.</p> <p>The authors who assessed her case described Amy as deceitful and boastful, with a strong sense of self-entitlement. She was also described as having an extreme lack of empathy and remorse, while taking no responsibility for her actions.</p> <p>Amy is physically and verbally violent to those around her, preying on vulnerable prisoners through bullying behaviours. Perhaps most striking is that Amy is noted to be very domineering, predominantly seeking power and control over others, sometimes using sexual charm to get what she wants.</p> <p><strong>Female psychopaths</strong></p> <p>Research, limited though it is, suggests female psychopaths are manipulative and controlling, cunning, deceitful, don’t take responsibility for their actions, are exploitative and, of course, they lack empathy. Studies of incarcerated women suggest psychopathic females <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/14999013.2014.951105" target="_blank">commit crimes at a younger age</a></strong></span> compared to women without psychopathic traits.</p> <p>They can have a history of being bullied and their behavioural traits <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1998-00292-006" target="_blank">tend to develop</a></strong></span> (or at least express themselves) in their teenage years.</p> <p>Female psychopaths commit crimes across multiple categories – robbery, drug crimes, assault. Other female inmates largely have only one offence type in their history. And psychopathic offenders’ crimes are more often motivated by power, dominance or personal gain than for non-psychopathic females. Female psychopaths are also <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/record/1998-00292-006" target="_blank">more likely</a></strong></span> to repeat-offend than those without psychopathic tendencies.</p> <p>Many of these traits apply to male psychopaths too. But there are differences. In terms of occurrence rates, <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3379858/" target="_blank">studies show</a></strong></span> female inmates with psychopathy make up 11 to 17 per cent of the overall prison population, compared to their male counterparts at 25 to 30 per cent.</p> <p>This may be because female psychopaths are likely to be more <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/14999013.2014.951105" target="_blank">relationally or verbally aggressive</a></strong></span> than physically violent, and therefore commit less violent crimes than male psychopaths. This might help explain the initially surprising fact that women with psychopathy are found to be less likely to commit murder than non-psychopathic women.</p> <p>Female psychopaths can also be <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://books.google.com.au/books?id=LSiBsdxcGigC&amp;pg=PA175&amp;lpg=PA175&amp;dq=hare+parasitic+lifestyle&amp;source=bl&amp;ots=noR2Be9f-V&amp;sig=5eueM48iI3ssLNgQk_yK0F62HOc&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=0ahUKEwiQ2dTB3oXXAhXEX5QKHemFDqEQ6AEIMTAC#v=onepage&amp;q=hare%20parasitic%20lifestyle&amp;f=false" target="_blank">jealous and parasitic</a></strong></span>, meaning they feel entitled to live off other people, using threat and coercion to get support.</p> <p>So, while female psychopaths are not all like Glenn Close’s character in <em>Fatal Attraction</em>, they certainly exist and can be as violent, cunning and calculated as their male counterparts. But they more often express their psychopathy in more covert and manipulative ways, meaning their true natures are rarely identified.</p> <p><em>Written by Xanthe Mallett. Republished with permission of <a href="http://theconversation.com/The%20Conversation" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">The Conversation</span></strong></a>.</em><img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/84200/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/></p>

Mind

Placeholder Content Image

The exercise every over-60 should be doing

<p><em><strong>New Zealander Tracy Adshead is a yoga teacher specialising in yoga for seniors. She is passionate about bringing healing and healthy ageing to the community.</strong></em></p> <p class="gmail-p2">If you are from New Zealand or have spent any time there you may be familiar with Maori poi dance. Kate Riegle van West, a PhD student from the USA, has been studying international poi and its cognitive effects on the over 60s at the University of Auckland.</p> <p class="gmail-p2">Kate explained that her background in circus and dance had included using poi in performances, over time she began to notice that using poi always left her feeling good. Her curiosity was sparked – what was it about poi that created positive feelings?</p> <p class="gmail-p2">To find out Kate decided to pack her bags and head off to New Zealand where poi is widely used, today her study has become a world’s first to systematically evaluate the potential health benefits of poi for older adults. </p> <p class="gmail-p3"><strong>Tell us, what exactly do you mean by poi?</strong></p> <p class="gmail-p3">"Poi is a weight on the end of a cord which you spin in circular patterns around your body. It is generally a form of dance and play. There are two distinct poi styles: Maori poi and International poi.”</p> <p class="gmail-p3"><strong>Why do you think poi will have an effect on ageing?</strong></p> <p class="gmail-p3">“Our ageing population is set to increase by 2.5 times by 2050. This is a reversal of the demographics in 1950 and a phenomenon which will not be reversed in the foreseeable future. I believe poi has the potential to improve physical and cognitive functions in older adults.”</p> <p class="gmail-p3">“I would love to see poi in hospitals, retirement villages and nursing homes worldwide. Anyone can practice poi, from able bodied to those in wheelchairs. This research shows that poi maybe a promising tool for maintaining or improving quality of life in old age and will hopefully pave the way for future research.”</p> <p class="gmail-p3">The randomised study tested 79 older adults age 60 and over, practicing poi twice a week over a one-month period. At the end of the month, participants were reassessed for balance, grip strength, memory and attention – everyone had made improvements, everyone reported better coordination and said they enjoyed the challenge of learning a new skill.</p> <p class="gmail-p3">As Kate explains, “this research shows that poi may be a promising tool for maintaining or improving quality of life in old age, and will hopefully pave the way for future research on poi and health.”</p> <p class="gmail-p3">If you would like to know more about Kate’s work <a href="http://www.spinpoi.com" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">click here</span></strong></a> or <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7oM5raj-MI" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">watch this video</span></strong></a>. She currently looking for further opportunities to conduct further research on poi and health.</p> <p><em>Follow Tracy on Facebook <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.facebook.com/TracyChairYoga/" target="_blank">here</a></strong></span>.</em></p> <p><em>Image credit: James Hirata/SpinPoi.</em></p>

Body

Placeholder Content Image

Why confidence can be a bad thing

<p><em><strong>Stuart Beattie is a Lecturer of Psychology at Bangor University. Tim Woodman is Professor and Head of the School of Sport, Health and Exercise Sciences at Bangor University.</strong></em></p> <p>Have you ever felt 100 per cent confident in your ability to complete a task, and then failed miserably? After <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/tennis/40347469" target="_blank">l<span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong>osing in the firs</strong></span>t</a> round at Queen’s Club in June for the first time since 2012, world number one tennis player, Andy Murray, hinted that “overconfidence” might have been his downfall. Reflecting on his early exit, <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/tennis/40349519" target="_blank">Murray said</a></strong></span>, “Winning a tournament is great and you feel good afterwards, but you can also sometimes think that your game is in a good place and maybe become a little bit more relaxed in that week beforehand.”</p> <p>There is no doubt that success breeds confidence, and in turn, the confidence gained from success positively influences performance – normally. However, recently, this latter part of the relationship between confidence and performance has been called into doubt. High confidence can have its drawbacks. One may only need to look at the results of the <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://theconversation.com/where-it-all-went-wrong-for-theresa-may-79219?sr=5" target="_blank">recent general election</a></strong></span> to note that Theresa May called for an early election partly based on her confidence to win an overall majority.</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://ipep.bangor.ac.uk/confidence.php" target="_blank">Our research</a></strong></span> at the Institute for the Psychology of Elite Performance at Bangor University has extensively examined the relationship between confidence and performance. So, what are the advantages and disadvantages of having high (or indeed low) levels of confidence for an upcoming task?</p> <p><strong>Confidence and performance</strong></p> <p>First, let’s look at the possible outcomes of having low confidence (some form of <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/2010-12916-001" target="_blank">self-doubt</a></strong></span>). Low confidence is the state of thinking that we are not quite ready to face an upcoming task. In this case, one of two things happens: either <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19744355" target="_blank">we disengage</a></strong></span> from the task, or we invest extra effort into preparing for it. In one of our studies participants were required to <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/240e/c8b5df5f3763819537d97ebe3e1887ae345a.pdf" target="_blank">skip with a rope</a></strong></span> continuously for one minute. Participants were then told that they had to repeat the task but using a more difficult rope to skip with (in fact it was the same type of rope). Results revealed that confidence decreased but performance improved. In this case, self-doubt can be quite beneficial.</p> <p>Now let’s consider the role of overconfidence. A high level of confidence is usually helpful for performing tasks because it can lead you to strive for difficult goals. But high confidence can also be detrimental when it causes you to lower the amount of effort you give towards these goals. Overconfidence often makes people no longer feel the need to invest all of their effort – think of the confident student who studies less for an upcoming exam.</p> <p>Interestingly, some of our <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1469029211000227" target="_blank">research findings</a></strong></span> show that when people are faced with immediate feedback after a golf putting task (knowing exactly how well you have just performed), confidence expectations (number of putts they thought they could make next) far exceeded actual obtained performance levels by as much as 46 per cent. When confidence is miscalibrated (believing you are better than you really are), it will have a negative effect on subsequent task performance.</p> <p>This overconfidence in our ability to perform a task seems to be a subconscious process, and it looks like it is here to stay. Fortunately, in the long term the pros of being overconfident (reaching for the stars) seem to far outweigh the cons (task failure) because if at first you do not succeed you can always try again. But miscalibrated confidence will be more likely to occur if vital <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/spy/5/1/1/" target="_blank">performance information</a></strong></span> regarding your previous levels of performance accomplishments is either ignored or not available. When this happens people tend to overestimate rather than underestimate their abilities.</p> <p><em>Written by Stuart Beattie and Tim Woodman. First appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">The Conversation</span></strong></a>.<img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.edu.au/content/79852/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/> </em></p>

Mind

Placeholder Content Image

The 90s – why you had to be there

<p><em><strong>Sally Breen is a Senior Lecturer in Writing and Publishing at Griffith University.</strong></em></p> <p>Van Gogh shot himself in a wheat field. Kurt Cobain in a greenhouse. Van Gogh took <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.vangoghgallery.com/misc/death.html" target="_blank">two days</a></strong></span> to die. Cobain’s shot was more effective. On a chilly, wintry morning in Melbourne, there are far more people lining up at the NGV for the Van Gogh exhibition than there ever will be for an exhibition on the 1990s. This is only fitting. A world travelling exhibition – <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.ngv.vic.gov.au/exhibition/van-gogh-and-the-seasons/" target="_blank">Van Gogh and the Seasons</a></strong></span> vs the press call for <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.ngv.vic.gov.au/exhibition/every-brilliant-eye/" target="_blank">Every Brilliant Eye: Australian Art of the 1990s</a></strong></span>. Outside, the line for Van Gogh snakes in a well ordered fashion onto the causeway. In the other gallery up the road, there’s only me and one other guy. Perfect. I wouldn’t expect anything less because it’s not possible for it to be less. A reality a 90s kid like me has learnt to deal with.</p> <p>Some movements travel in ubiquitous ways. Others explode like fireworks in a black sky and then creep into the rest of your life influencing far more than they’re ever acknowledged for. And here I am caught in the moment. The Impressionists vs the DIYs. The Starry Starry Nights vs the <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Gangland-Cultural-Elites-New-Generationalism/dp/1864483407" target="_blank">Gangland</a></strong></span> freefall. A generational condition author Mark Davis described in 1997 as a “virtual gerrymander” of the ideas market. The 1990s alternative cultural movement creeps through my brain. In many ways it has defined me. My sensibility (resilient); the way I operate (untethered); my morality (questionable). The 1990s is the forgotten decade of the 20th century. The Lost Decade, as it is fittingly referred to by burnt out Japanese economists. But perhaps the resurgences are becoming more frequent.</p> <p>Every Brilliant Eye is certainly contributing to a wave of recognition of this decade. Since 2015, nearly every major global media outlet has run an article declaring a revival of 1990s pop culture, articles less centred on ideas than the easy symbolic markers of drugs and <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2016/mar/11/90s-are-back-how-to-get-the-look" target="_blank">fashion</a></strong></span> – ecstasy is back, flannos are back – the headline of “They Might be Dad’s Now” an exemplar of completely missing the point.</p> <p>Nevertheless, this move from NGV curator Pip Wallace is timely. Before I left my hotel on Swanston Street to visit the show, Double J announced it was dedicating the whole week to 90s music. Online, someone who clearly lives in the suburbs now too described Courtney Love, as “totally committed but easily distracted. Fiercely intelligent and painfully self-aware”. Middle finger down my throat. Is this the best musical decade of all time? Next question.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><iframe width="400" height="300" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/cH_rfGBwamc?feature=oembed" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></p> <p>The first thing I want to do once I’m inside Every Brilliant Eye is make something. Mash something up. Scratch something out in a piece of plastic, stitch my name in an old dress, slap a slogan down just to undo it. There are good reasons for this. The exhibition appears to be loosely split into a series of rooms. The first is about being rowdy and unpopular, the political stuff people wanna say but usually don’t: grunge, happenings, the collision between art and performance and music.</p> <p>The second space is quieter and more about feel; abstract emotions, textures, tactility, and the last – a supersonic blast of room, the gay nightclub of my dreams, an in-your-face contemplation of the beauty and danger of who and how and why we might like to fuck. In all three stages, there’s work from some big names – the moody, muted photography of Bill Henson, Patricia Piccinini’s surreal brainscapes featuring twisted 90s sister Sophie Lee, the intricate botanical plumbing of Fiona Hall and Scott Redford’s unco babes chopping up surfboards. Names synonymous with contemporary Australian art, all producing rich and varied work in the 1990s, even if they were not really young Gen Xers but their big brothers and sisters.</p> <p><strong>Mix tapes, Bic pens and zines</strong></p> <p>The first room comes at me like someone’s upended all the drawers in an inner city share-house and maybe transported it in go karts or the dirty boots of <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.cargurus.com/Cars/1990-Ford-Escort-Pictures-c299" target="_blank">Escorts</a></strong></span> to whatever collective happening space was scraping together the ability keep to its doors open. No one much cared about all this detritus in the 1990s but now it’s on plinths.</p> <p>Vinyl and limited edition zines encased in glass and worshipped like the lovely, fragile artefacts they are. A single mix tape marked “For Starlie” conjuring late night drives through suburban streets where the faint flicker of Neighbours glowed on every telly and we glided past with the lover of that week, listening to the Jesus and Mary Chain or Died Pretty on loop.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><iframe width="400" height="300" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/07oZHDgPiqo?feature=oembed" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></p> <p>Even the titles of the artworks and the written language appearing sometimes within them appeals to the twentysomething girl in me, reading like psalms I’ve forgotten how to say. “Love and Death Are the Same Thing” reminding me of how our days in the 1990s were heavily punctuated with poetry and song lyrics – guys in bands quoting Rimbaud while pulling cones, friends scrawling out their minds and hearts in public diaries, one of my poems printed on the inside cover of a CD.</p> <p>It’s as if I’ve been thrust back into the language of a time by a team of demented phenomenologists armed with Bic pens and ink jet printers, VHS players and tape recorders – innocuous phrases that could be refrains from David Lynch movies or Nick Cave and Bad Seeds album covers, notes left to me on the fridge by my flatmates, the kind of statements that only make sense when I’m staring at the ceiling or a dripping tap for a really long time and am really, really out of it. “The Artists Fairy Floss Sold on the Merry Go Round of Life” and “Someone Looks at Something”.</p> <p>Model for a Sunken Monument is a highlight. Ricky Swallow’s brilliant, giant melting pot of a head, Darth Vader looking like he’s made out of Lego and rising out of (or disappearing into) the floor – depending on your equilibrium or perspective. Swallow is one the youngest artists in the exhibition and his preoccupations with pop culture reflect that difference. Nearly every other artist featured here was born in the 1950s or 1960s.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><img width="499" height="353" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/40309/1_499x353.jpg" alt="1 (198)"/></p> <p align="center"><em>Ricky Swallow, Model for a sunken monument 1999. synthetic polymer paint on composition board. Image credit: National Gallery of Victoria, Melbourne Purchased through The Art Foundation of Victoria with the assistance of the Joan Clemenger Endowment, Governor, 1999 © Ricky Swallow, courtesy Darren Knight Gallery, Sydney</em></p> <p>Most weren’t in their twenties in the 1990s but edging towards or making a living out of being established. In liner notes written elsewhere about Swallow’s work (he’s also made art out of BMX bikes and playful nods to ET), there’s a kind of reluctant nod to his ability – but of course, they say, here Darth Vader is empty, hollowed out. A defeated vessel. Not really. If you graduated high school in 1990 you know Darth Vader is never vacuous. It’s the same kind of misconception levelled at another featured artist Kathy Temin, who visual arts commentator Jeff Gibson once described as “the worst nightmare” of conservative critics because her preferred sculptural medium was soft fur.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><img width="500" height="334" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/40310/2_500x334.jpg" alt="2 (190)"/></p> <p style="text-align: center;" align="center"><em>Kathy Temin at the show. Image credit: Tom D. Watson.</em></p> <p>Kathy credits her break and her ability to keep showing work in her formative years in Melbourne in large part to curator and gallery owner Rose Lang and the now infamous Gertrude Contemporary arts space. And it’s the work on loan from this gallery that really gets me.</p> <p>Two pieces shot on dodgy hand held video. Punchline by the so-called DAMP collection of artists and Player Guitar by A Constructed World - both staged for the first time in 1999, as if in a desperate effort to ward off Prince’s prophecy about the end of the world.</p> <p>In the Punchline video, a series of interventions occur in a gallery when a meltdown between two lovers gets out of hand and the punters are not sure what the real story is. This is pre-9/11 art, where everyone gets into it and no one goes default anti-terrorist. Player Guitar gives the exhibition some much needed audio muse – people live are invited to play the double barrel electric guitar while watching the people who did it last time. Yeah. Everyone’s in a band. Everyone’s made it.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><img width="500" height="334" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/40311/3_500x334.jpg" alt="3 (163)"/></p> <p style="text-align: center;" align="center"><em>A Constructed World, Jaqueline Riva and Geoff Lowe, Player guitar, 1999, 2017. electric guitar, amplifiers, sensor, chair, video camera, colour video, sound, duration variable Collection of the artists, Paris. Image credit: Tom D. Watson.</em></p> <p>The Gertrude Contemporary scene as featured here is emblematic of underground movements of a kind everywhere from Tokyo to Seattle to New York. The interesting thing about the 90s is that the DIY aesthetic mashed up against developing technologies. The advent of the internet meant such movements were as much about pressure cooker of geographical isolation in the first half of the decade until they absolutely weren’t in the last.</p> <p>In the 90s, you didn’t necessarily have to survive on the trickle down effects, the half-hearted drip feed, of bigger more powerful arts and cultural machines in major cities. People got into making shit and playing in bands and writing poetry on pokies in small towns and spaces off the beaten track, in small pockets all over the world. Hire a video camera that weighs a ton – send it to a party instead of yourself. Check. Crash a rich friend’s party and steal an amplifier. Check. Start a multi-arts centre above a fish and chip shop on the Gold Coast. Check.</p> <p>The 1990s alternative artistic ethos was infectious because you didn’t need an address or rich parents to fund your warehouse space or your magazine. All you needed was will and creativity and attitude and maybe a good survival instinct. Because, of course, many of these individual forays and collective ventures were ill fated but even when they did die, as some people and places sadly did, they’d contributed in ways we’re only just beginning to understand. That arts centre that smelled like overcooked calamari came and went but some of the names you now know walked through the door there, just like they did at Gertrude.</p> <p>Even if, when I visited the latter place this week, they were preparing to <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.gertrude.org.au/news/" target="_blank">move out to the sticks</a></strong></span> (well Preston South). Apparently not even a good combination of nostalgia and relevance can save you from sky rocketing real estate values and a street in Fitzroy reeking of bespoke custom made furniture and high end, high shine homewares. In an article for <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.artnews.com/2015/01/29/90s-art/">Art News</a> </strong></span>on the enduring influence of the 1990s on contemporary art, Linda Yablonksy says,</p> <p><em>In fact, the Nineties took place on what now seems an intriguing distant planet, when the art world didn’t cater to money in the same way that it does today.</em></p> <p><strong>Striped Ts and Drugstore Cowboy hair</strong></p> <p>A week before I found myself in the bird’s nest of the NGV, I’d schlepped up the Pacific Highway to a 1990s reunion in Brisbane’s West End - the first time I’d hung with many of the people I’d spent the formative part of that decade with in over 20 years.</p> <p>The artwork in Every Brilliant Eye reminded me of the scratchy non-digi photos we posted on the Facebook event page to mark the reunion. We look comfortable clumped on roadsides, backs up against the walls of buildings, sprawled on lounge room floors or other people’s beds. We’re obviously waiting for things. Daybreak, trains. The future. The delivery of mates or sticks. Burnt toast. Unhurried. Half bored and poor.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><iframe width="500" height="281" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/puXEHhZgXaY?feature=oembed" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></p> <p>We wanted to be in Wim Wenders’ movies without realising we were Wim Wenders movies, everyone impossibly beautiful only because we were impossibly young. <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097240/" target="_blank">Drugstore Cowboy</a></strong></span> hair. Striped T’s and unlaced Docs. The kids in <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0363589/?ref_=nv_sr_2" target="_blank">Elephant</a></strong></span> even though it hadn’t been made yet. Grunge back then was retro and futuristic because it didn’t know it was – grunge was retro with a ripped edge, the future, in a tripper’s eye. The 1990s – the stuff that had already happened or was about to happen – with holes in it.</p> <p>And I guess that’s the beautiful charm and familiarity of this exhibition. Everything feels like you did it, like you might have seen it before, and you drift around with your mouth open, grateful, like a big blue whale everyone’s forgotten about in a sea of lovely plankton. Yes, I think my friend Karen made fur balls and crazy mobiles out of Spotlight knocks offs and pill packets too. Yes, it seems someone has made an artwork out of my friend Peta’s tights. And if you don’t recognise all of this where the hell were you?</p> <p><em>Every Brilliant Eye is at NGV Australia until October 1</em><em>.</em></p> <p><em>Written by Sally Breen. First appeared on <strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://www.theconversation.com" target="_blank">The Conversation.</a></span></strong><img width="1" height="1" src="https://counter.theconversation.edu.au/content/79105/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-advanced" alt="The Conversation"/></em></p>

Retirement Life

Placeholder Content Image

This is how early you really need to be at the airport

<p>Are you the kind of traveller who arrives hours early or runs through at the last minute? Refine your airport run with these tips.</p> <p><strong>Check with your airline</strong></p> <p>First and foremost, you need to know exactly what the cut off times are for your flight. Every airport and airline will have a point where they close the flight and won’t let anyone else check in. As a general rule, this is 30 minutes before departure for a domestic flight and one hour before departure for an international flight. But (and we cannot stress this enough) make sure you check online or call your airline – sometimes the rules might be different.</p> <p><strong>Think about the logistics</strong></p> <p>Now you’ve worked out the absolute minimum time you need, you’ll want to add in some wiggle room. Larger airport will have longer lines and more security, adding extra time to your schedule. Traffic will be worse around peak hour or school holidays, so you’ll need to factor that in. If you’re checking in a bag, as opposed to just travelling with carry on, that will also take more time. There are a whole range of questions you need to ask yourself before setting your ‘leave home’ time.</p> <p><strong>Airport can be fun</strong></p> <p>Modern airport have come a long way and many are actually shopping and dining destinations in their own right. It makes much more sense to arrive earlier and give yourself some time for a browse through the shops, a drink at the bar or a decent meal before you get onboard. For example, Sydney now has a Bistro by Wolfgang Puck, MoVida, Chur Burger and a Coopers Alehouse across its different terminals. And if you’ve got access to a lounge, you’re going to want to make the most of your time there.</p> <p><strong>Try the app</strong></p> <p>A new app called TripIt can be your secret weapon. Enter all your travel info into the secure system as well as your address and it will use the ‘Go Now!’ feature to work out your travel time. It takes into account things like traffic, flight status and more, and will then create an automated countdown clock for you to follow. Genius!</p> <p><strong>So what’s the answer?</strong></p> <p>We always like to err on the side of caution (plus we quite like to hang out in airports), so these are our suggestions. For domestic flights, we suggest arriving two hours early and for international we suggest three hours. If it’s a really busy travel time (like the Easter long weekend) you may even want to add an extra hour onto the schedule. You can always grab a glass of champagne and watch the planes go by.</p>

Travel Tips

Placeholder Content Image

Trust funds can work but you must be wary

<p>As a child I remember my father saying that one pound put into a bank account for a newborn child and left to compound for 30 years would be worth some huge amount of money. I do not recall the number, but to my young ears it seemed some incredible sum of money - like a telephone number (although remember that telephone numbers were only four digits in those days).</p> <p>Whatever the actual numbers, we all know that a relatively small amount of money invested for a newborn baby will be worth a tidy and useful sum in 20 to 30 years. There are many of us who want to help their child or grandchild - we want to make a gift of money and use the miracle of compound interest to support the new little miracle of life.</p> <p>So, how do we go about this? After all, intent is one thing but the practicalities are quite another. While it may seem a simple thing to use the power of compound interest for the years a child is growing, when you really look at it, things are not that simple.</p> <p>The first difficulty is the ownership of the fund that is established. If the fund is in the child's name, on turning 18, the money becomes that child's. That may be fine - you may be perfectly happy for the child to take the money and buy a motorbike and have a big party, but the intent of putting aside some money is more usually for the child's education or to help with the deposit on a house.</p> <p>As an alternative, you may hold the money for the child, resolving to give this money at a certain age or circumstance (eg, first house or tertiary education). The difficulty with this is that in the absence of any legal document to the contrary, the funds that you hold for the child will be yours and deemed so in areas like tax, asset testing, Working For Families, insolvency etc.</p> <p>To resolve this you could establish a trust - but if you have not already established a trust there will be considerable expense for establishment and ongoing management and interest from the child's fund could be taxed at 33c.</p> <p>The second difficulty is the investment strategy. It is easy enough to set up a bank account in the child's name and to make contributions to it which will mean that the interest will be taxed at the child's own low rate. However, a simple bank account will give low returns. This is important: for an investment of 20 years or more, there should be a very high proportion of shares and property. To illustrate, a gift of $10,000 put into a simple bank account earning 3 per cent would be worth $18,000, but a growth portfolio earning 6 per cent would be worth $33,000.</p> <p>The third difficulty is tax. This is linked to the ownership of funds: if the donor (parent, grandparent etc) owns the fund, the returns are taxed as their income; if the child owns the fund, they are likely to be taxed at a much lower rate.</p> <p>So, given the desire to use the power of compound interest to give the child the best start, what should you do? Well, there are options, but none of them is perfect: first, you could simply open a bank account in the child's name (but, as shown, the lower returns will mean that compound interest is lower too).</p> <p>Third, you could establish some kind of trust for the child (but the costs of this mean that you will have to gift a good deal of money to make it worthwhile - and there are also difficult tax considerations).</p> <p>I do not have an easy answer to this. Your love for that new little speckle of life means that you want to help, but you have to recognise that, in a practical sense, using compound interest to give that help is not simple.</p> <p>You need to weigh all the factors and then choose the best (although probably imperfect) means of help for your family.</p> <p>Have you set up a trust fund?</p> <p><em>Written by Martin Hawes. First appeared on <a href="http://www.stuff.co.nz/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Stuff.co.nz</span></strong></a>.</em></p> <p><em>Martin Hawes is an authorised financial adviser. A disclosure statement is available on request and free of charge, or can be found at martinhawes.com. This article is of a general nature and is not personalised financial advice.</em></p>

Legal