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A guide to overcoming loneliness during the holidays

<div> Navigating the holiday season during adulthood isn’t always smooth sailing. Often, the arrival of the festive period can bring with it a sense of loneliness. Whether it’s being away from family or missing out on celebrations, the holiday blues can be hard to shake and for many, the significance of togetherness during the holidays can accentuate feelings of isolation or detachment. </div> <div> Offering her insight on how to overcome these emotions, Jacqui Manning, resident psychologist at Connected Women, an organisation that facilitates friendships for women over 50 shares her top tips to help you enjoy a more connected and fulfilling holiday season. </div> <div> Acknowledge Your Feelings “It’s ok to admit that you feel lonely. In fact, it’s the first step to overcoming and accepting these feelings,” explains Jacqui. “Christmas is traditionally a time that is associated with togetherness and so recognising your emotions is the foundation for developing effective coping strategies. Reach out to the friends you do have, family or support groups and let them know you might need extra support during this time. You should also invest in your mental wellbeing, either by incorporating mindfulness techniques to help break any negative thoughts or creating a mindset of gratitude by reflecting on the positive aspects of your life. Both these techniques can shift your focus towards positivity.” </div> <div> Invest in Yourself If you’re feeling down, Jacqui suggests prioritising self-care. “Investing in yourself is an act of self-love and resilience. It shifts the focus from external pressures to internal fulfilment, fostering a deep sense of empowerment. This approach is particularly valuable during the holidays, as it allows you to create a positive and nurturing environment for yourself.” Find New Connections Prevention plays an essential role in mitigating the risks of social isolation before they take hold. When it comes to combating loneliness, it’s all about identifying the connections you might be missing and actively seeking ways to build them. Jacqui explains, “In the modern-day era that we are in, recognising the potential of technology is vital. If you don’t have anyone nearby, dive into the online world to explore nearby community meetups or virtual events; I assure you, you’ll discover something that aligns with your interests, and you'll find others who are in a similar situation to you,” Jacqui concludes. </div> <div> “Whether you want to relax in a bubble bath, use the holiday season as an opportunity to discover a new hobby or simply spend more time outdoors to connect with nature, remember that these intentional acts of self-investment are gifts to your own well-being. Taking time for yourself is not only a deserved treat but a crucial element of maintaining balance and happiness.” <div title="Page 2"> As the festivities draw near, it’s essential to tune in to your own needs, invest in self-care and actively seek connection, whether with new or pre-existing relations. These steps will not only contribute to your well-being but also serve to enrich and elevate your experience throughout the festive season. About Connected Women Phoebe Adams is the co-founder of Connected Women, an organisation providing a community for women over 50 to connect and build meaningful friendships. With a rapidly growing community in Perth, Sydney, Wollongong, Melbourne and Geelong, Connected Women provides a safe and welcoming space for women to come together and share experiences. To learn more about the organisation and how you can get involved, visit <a href="https://www.connectedwomen.net" target="_blank" rel="noopener">connectedwomen.net</a>. Image credits: Getty Images </div> </div>

Family & Pets

Loneliness can be twice as unhealthy as obesity in older people

A study has found that loneliness is twice as unhealthy as obesity in older people. Over six years, the study looked at the impact variables had on death rates. After tracking more than 2,000 people aged 50 and over, scientists found that people who were identified as the loneliest were nearly twice as likely to die during the study than those who were the least lonely. Compared with the average person within the study, those who were lonely had a 14 per cent higher risk of dying, which was around twice the impact obesity had on early death rates. Poverty ranked higher than loneliness with a 19 per cent increase. A separate study in 2012 found that around a fifth of older people feel lonely all the time, and a quarter of them become steadily lonelier as time went on. People reported that loneliness was the worst at weekends, and three quarters felt the effects strongly at night. In the past, loneliness has been linked to health problems like high blood pressure, and increased risk of stroke, heart attack and depression. John Cacioppo, a psychologist at the University of Chicago recommends thinking twice before uprooting yourself during retirement. Moving away to “greener pastures” may have certain appeals, but it can often take you away from your support network of friends and family. In the light of these studies, it follows that people need to feel involved and valued by those around them. The results also reflected that company alone was perhaps not enough. If you know someone you think might be lonely, maybe you can invite them to take part in some activities with you and your friends. Phone calls are a great way to stay in touch with people who are further away, especially if you involve someone in your life by asking them for their advice on various subjects. Pets have also been shown to be great in alleviating loneliness. And if you’re looking to interact with some new friends, you can always vist our <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Over60-NZ-261868603973770/?fref=ts" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Facebook page</a>. Related links: <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/mind/2015/11/kindness-leads-to-happiness-research/">People are happier when they do good</a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/mind/2015/12/some-material-things-proven-to-make-you-happy/">The material things proven to make you happy</a> <a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/mind/2015/12/exercises-to-strengthen-your-willpower/">Simple exercises to strengthen your willpower</a> Image credit: Shutterstock

Mind

Why loneliness is both an individual thing and a shared result of the cities we create

If you’re feeling lonely, you’re not alone. Loneliness is an <a href="https://www.ipsos.com/en/loneliness-increase-worldwide-increase-local-community-support">increasingly common experience</a>, and it can have severe consequences. People who feel lonely are at <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s12160-010-9210-8">higher risk of serious health issues</a>, including heart disease, immune deficiency and depression. Traditionally, loneliness has been viewed as an individual problem requiring individual solutions, such as psychological therapy or medication. Yet loneliness is caused by feeling disconnected from society. It therefore makes sense that treatments for loneliness should focus on the things that help us make these broader connections. The places where we live, work and play, for example, can promote meaningful social interactions and help us build a sense of connection. Careful planning and management of these places can create <a href="https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/loneliness-annual-report-the-third-year/tackling-loneliness-annual-report-february-2022-the-third-year">population-wide improvements in loneliness</a>. Our research team is investigating how the way we design and plan our cities impacts loneliness. We have just published a <a href="https://authors.elsevier.com/c/1gNq14pqpjtIuw">systematic review</a> of research from around the world. Overall, we found many aspects of the built environment affect loneliness. However, no single design attribute can protect everyone against loneliness. Places can provide opportunities for social interactions, or present barriers to them. Yet every individual responds differently to these opportunities and barriers. <h2>What did the review look at?</h2> Our review involved screening over 7,000 published studies covering fields such as psychology, public health and urban planning. We included 57 studies that directly examined the relationship between loneliness and the built environment. These studies covered wide-ranging aspects from neighbourhood design, housing conditions and public spaces to transport infrastructure and natural spaces. The research shows built environments can present people with options to do the things we know help reduce loneliness. Examples include chatting to the people in your street or neighbourhood or attending a community event. However, the link between the built environment and loneliness is complex. Our review found possibilities for social interaction depend on both structural and individual factors. In other words, individual outcomes depend on what the design of a space enables a person to do as well as on whether, and how, that person takes advantage of that design. Specifically, we identified some key aspects of the built environment that can help people make connections. These include housing design, transport systems and the distribution and design of open and natural spaces. <h2>So what sort of situations are we talking about?</h2> Living in small apartments, for example can increase loneliness. <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10901-020-09816-7">For some people</a>, this is because the smaller space reduces their ability to have people over for dinner. Others who live in <a href="https://doi.org/10.1017/S0144686X15000112">poorly maintained housing</a> report similar experiences. More universally, living in areas with good access to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1017/S0144686X19001569">community centres</a> and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/ije/dyab089">natural spaces</a> helps people make social connections. These spaces allow for both planned and unexpected social interactions. Living in environments with good access to destinations and transport options also protects against loneliness. In particular, it benefits individuals who are able to use <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/gerona/glu069">active transport (walking and cycling) and high-quality public transport</a>. This finding should make sense to anyone who walks or takes the bus. We are then more likely to interact in some way with those around us than when locked away in the privacy of a car. Similarly, built environments <a href="https://doi.org/10.1002/jcop.21711">designed to be safe</a> — from crime, traffic and pollution — also enable people to explore their neighbourhoods easily on foot. Once again, that gives them more opportunities for social interactions that can, potentially, reduce loneliness. Environments where people are able to express themselves were also found to protect against loneliness. For example, residents of housing they could personalise and “make home” reported feeling less lonely. So too did those who felt able to “<a href="https://doi.org/10.7870/cjcmh-2002-0010">fit in</a>”, or identify with the people living close by. <h2>Other important factors are less obvious</h2> These factors are fairly well defined, but we also found less tangible conditions could be significant. For example, studies consistently showed the importance of socio-economic status. The interplay between economic inequalities and the built environment can deny many the right to live a life without loneliness. For example, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/19491247.2021.1940686">housing tenure</a> can be important because people who rent are less able to personalise their homes. People with lower incomes can’t always afford to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1440783320960527">live close to friends</a> or in a neighbourhood where they feel accepted. Lower-income areas are also notoriously under-serviced with <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jtrangeo.2020.102869">reliable public transport</a>, <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/1471-2458-14-292">well-maintained natural spaces</a> and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.healthplace.2007.11.002">well-designed public spaces</a>. Our review reveals several aspects of the built environment that can enhance social interactions and minimise loneliness. Our key finding, though, is that there is no single built environment that is universally “good” or “bad” for loneliness. Yes, we can plan and build our cities to help us meet our innate need for social connection. But context matters, and different individuals will interpret built environments differently. Image credits: Getty Images This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-loneliness-is-both-an-individual-thing-and-a-shared-result-of-the-cities-we-create-198069" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>.

Caring

Combating loneliness: How to meet new friends

Many of us will feel lonely at some point in our lives. It’s that sadness that comes from being by yourself or feeling disconnected from the people around you. For some it’s fleeting, for others it becomes entrenched and damaging. Several recent studies indicate loneliness is set to reach epidemic proportions by 2030. Experts say it’s as bad for us as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Britain has even appointed a minister for loneliness. A <a href="https://www.jocoxloneliness.org/pdf/a_call_to_action.pdf">report published by the Jo Cox Commission</a> showed nine million people “always or often feel lonely” and 200,000 older people in the UK have not had a conversation with a friend or relative in more than a month. Here at home, we have the <a href="http://endloneliness.com.au/">Australian Coalition to End Loneliness (ACEL)</a>. Inspired by the work of the <a href="https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/">UK’s Campaign to End Loneliness</a>, the ACEL aims to address loneliness in Australia. The good news is that feeling lonely is nothing to be ashamed of – the research is clear that millions of people are in the same boat. “Being connected to others socially is widely considered a fundamental human need,” says one of the most prominent researchers in the field, Julianne Holt-Lunstad, PhD, professor of psychology at Brigham Young University in the United States. “It is crucial to both wellbeing and survival.” “Help, I’m lonely!" A community member recently asked if we have any suggestions on how to overcome loneliness. “I'm a young 50s and love doing things but I'm lonely. I have lost close friends due to them moving away. I have lost the contact with people. I think I'm a loner – help me. What groups could I join to meet people?” Here are some ideas for meeting new friends: 1. Volunteering Volunteering is all about helping others, but it also benefits you personally – it offers the chance to make new friends, try a different career field, and explore your local area. Organisations that help refugees, the homeless, people with disabilities, disadvantaged youths or the elderly are numerous. Such organisations include <a href="http://mealsonwheels.org.au/">Meals on Wheels</a>, <a href="https://www.thesmithfamily.com.au/">The Smith Family</a>, <a href="http://www.salvationarmy.org.au/">The Salvation Army</a>, <a href="https://youthoffthestreets.com.au/">Youth Off The Streets</a>, <a href="https://www.midnightbasketball.org.au/">Midnight Basketball Australia</a>, <a href="https://www.sacredheartmission.org/">Sacred Heart Mission</a>, <a href="https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/">Black Dog Institute</a>, <a href="http://guidedogsaustralia.com/">Guide Dogs Australia</a>, and <a href="https://www.lifeline.org.au/">Lifeline Australia</a>. The State Emergency Service (SES) in your state and <a href="http://stjohn.org.au/">St John Ambulance Australia</a> often put a callout for volunteers. Wildlife rescue groups, such as <a href="https://www.wires.org.au/">WIRES </a>in NSW, and animal welfare organisations like the <a href="https://rspca.org.au/">RSPCA</a>, always appreciate an extra pair of hands – check the parks and wildlife service in your state. The NSW National Parks and Wildlife Service, for example, is seeking volunteers for historic and cultural heritage tours, and for their threatened species and bush regeneration programs. If you enjoy working in customer service, try the local <a href="https://shop.oxfam.org.au/volunteer">Oxfam Shop</a>, <a href="https://www.redcross.org.au/get-involved/connect/volunteer">Red Cross</a> or <a href="https://www.savethechildren.org.au/take-action/volunteer">Save the Children op shop</a>. Libraries need volunteers to help with stocktake to maintain the toy library and to deliver books to library customers. For music lovers, community radio stations are often run by volunteers – you might even have the chance to host your own show. Major events also provide exciting opportunities for volunteers, so keep an eye out for big events that are coming to your town or city. Film, music and fashion festivals are often looking for volunteers. For more information, contact your local council or visit <a href="http://www.volunteering.org.au/">Volunteering Australia</a>. 2. Fitness classes If you’re into group exercise, you have a potential social network right in front of you. Try golf, tennis, dragon boat racing, rowing, squash, salsa classes, ballroom dancing, badminton, ocean swimming, sailing, aqua aerobics or yoga — or find a walking group via the <a href="http://walking.heartfoundation.org.au/">Heart Foundation Walking network</a>. 3. Hobbies Do you like gardening, films, model airplane flying, bird watching, photography, chess, creative writing, clay target shooting, knitting, bridge, quilting, cooking or reading? Look in your local area for groups, clubs or classes that you could join. Car fanatics could join a club, such as a classic car club. For motorcyclists, the <a href="http://www.ulyssesclub.org/">Ulysses Club</a> is a social group for people aged over 40 years. Its motto is “grow old disgracefully”. For the community or politically minded, you could attend local council meetings. And don’t forget your local <a href="https://mensshed.org/">Men’s Shed</a>, which provides a space to work on practical projects while enjoying some good old-fashioned mateship. 4. Faith-based groups Churches and religious organisations tend to host a lot of social gatherings outside of their regular services, offering golden opportunities to meet people with similar beliefs. 5. Virtual spaces Facebook, Instagram and other social networks can be used as a way to connect with old friends, make new ones, and keep up with what’s happening in your community. If you want to learn more about computers or social media, ask at your local library or visit a local computer club. The <a href="http://www.ascca.org.au/">Australian Seniors Computer Clubs Association</a> lists over 130 clubs for older Australians – one might be in your area. 6. Meetups <a href="http://www.meetup.com/">Meetup.com</a> is a nifty site that offers users the chance to join groups, known as Meetups, based on their location and interests. Examples of groups you can join include “Monopoly Players”, “More Bakeries Than Cycling Touring Club”, “Women’s Social Club”, and “French Movie Group”. If you can’t find a group that interests you, create your own! 7. Online dating The major online dating sites are <a href="https://www.rsvp.com.au/">RSVP</a>, <a href="https://www.eharmony.com.au/">eHarmony</a>, <a href="https://au.match.com/">Match</a>, <a href="https://www.oasisactive.com/">Oasis Active</a>, <a href="https://www.pof.com/">Plenty of Fish (POF)</a>, <a href="https://www.zoosk.com/">Zoosk</a> and <a href="https://tinder.com/">Tinder</a>. A good place to start might be with eHarmony, as it caters for a large number of older users. Billed as “Australia’s most trusted online dating site”, it offers specific dating advice for seniors. Of course, there are scams out there, so keep your wits about you. 8. Lions and Rotary Clubs <a href="http://lionsclubs.org.au/">Lions </a>and <a href="http://rotaryaustralia.org.au/">Rotary </a>do a lot of good in their local communities and further afield. Lions’ motto is “where there’s a need, there’s a Lion”. Rotary is made up of members “who strive to make the world a better place”. 9. Returning to work Working doesn’t have to be about the money. If you are in need of an outlet for mingling, going back to work could be the answer. Perhaps you could ask your former workplace about casual work or approach your local Bunnings Warehouse – the hardware chain encourages older workers back in to the workforce. Former teachers might register for substitute teaching and pet lovers could advertise pet sitting or walking services. If you love weddings, why not become a marriage celebrant? Adore children? Ask parents you know if they need babysitting or someone to pick their kids up after school. Crafty? How about a market stall? Too many veggies in the garden? Try selling them at a farmer’s market. A spare bungalow, caravan or room could be decorated and listed on <a href="https://www.airbnb.com/">Airbnb</a>. Other ideas include freelance writing, consulting or selling your photos on a microstock site such as <a href="https://www.gettyimages.com/">Getty Images</a>. 10. Pets They are known as man’s best friend but having a dog can help you socialise more with people. A study by the University of Western Australia found “pet owners were significantly more likely to get to know people in their neighbourhood whom they didn’t know previously, compared with non-pet owners”. Published in PLOS ONE, <a href="http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0122085">The Pet Factor – Companion Animals as a Conduit for Getting to Know People, Friendship Formation and Social Support</a> concluded that dog owners were more likely to get to know people in their community than owners of other pets, such as cats or birds. 11. Reconnecting with old friends Make a list of people that you remember fondly and reach out to them by phone, email or Facebook. If they live nearby, invite them out for coffee, and if they are interstate or overseas, send a short email – who knows, one day you might take a trip and meet up with them. Don’t assume old friends have forgotten about you just because they haven’t been in touch – they may have been juggling work and parenting in their 30s and 40s, making it hard to stay in touch. Most likely, they will be pleased to hear from you. What have you done to combat feeling lonely? Share you experiences and ideas below. Written by Leah McLennan. Republished with permission of <a href="https://www.wyza.com.au/articles/lifestyle/wyza-life/combating-loneliness-how-to-meet-new-friends.aspx">Wyza.com.au</a>. Image: Getty

Retirement Life

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial at 40 – a deep meditation on loneliness, and Spielberg’s most exhilarating film

40 years ago this month saw the release of Steven Spielberg’s <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083866/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial</a> – a film about a stranded alien, the boy called Elliott who discovers it and a bond of friendship that remains as magical and heartbreaking as it did back in 1982. We think of Spielberg movies today as thrilling roller-coaster rides, full of sharks, dinosaurs and swashbuckling archaeologists. Yet for me, E.T. remains Spielberg’s most exhilarating work: a deep meditation on loneliness, friendship and growing up in small-town America. Aided by John Williams’s Oscar-winning score and Henry Thomas and Drew Barrymore’s touching performances, E.T. feels both of its time and for all time. As Spielberg <a href="https://www.contactmusic.com/pages/et2x21x03x02" target="_blank" rel="noopener">once said</a>: I think that E.T. is for the people we are, the people we have been and the people we want to be again. <h2>A child in need of a friend</h2> After the breathless trio of Jaws (1975), Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977) and Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981), Spielberg wanted to make a more intimate film about his isolated childhood in suburban Arizona <a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/films/news/steven-spielberg-et-divorce-parents-anniversary-b2063879.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">as he came to terms</a> with the divorce of his parents. At the same time, he had commissioned a script about a suburban family terrorised by a group of aliens with one befriending the family’s son. The DNA of both stories would make their way into this film. Like Spielberg, Elliott is a loner. He’s not playing sport, or going out with girls or getting into trouble. He is introverted and thoughtful. And in need of company. One of Spielberg’s great underrated talents is his direction of children. Many of his films feature young children at their centre – think The BFG (2016), A.I. (2001) and War Horse (2011). In E.T., Henry Thomas and Drew Barrymore as brother and sister Elliott and Gertie bring credibility and pathos to their roles, fitting seamlessly into the southern Californian ‘burb culture recreated so fondly by the director. Spielberg’s grasp of childlike wonder is everywhere: notice how he shoots from the children’s eye level and shows adults only from the waist down. For the first time in his career, Spielberg rejected storyboards and <a href="https://ascmag.com/articles/spielberg-et-the-extraterrestrial" target="_blank" rel="noopener">shot scenes chronologically</a>, allowing Thomas and Barrymore time and space to improvise. The domestic and school scenes (hiding E.T. from the mother, tempting it into the house with Reese’s Pieces, freeing frogs destined for dissection) all feel more real because of this. <h2>And what of our alien?</h2> Before E.T., Hollywood saw aliens as hostile critters intent on planetary carnage. The recent extra-terrestrials in Alien (1979) and The Thing (1982) had caused havoc and trauma. E.T. is different: partly modelled on the facial features of Albert Einstein, it is inquisitive, thoughtful, funny. In the delightful Halloween scene, Elliott throws a white sheet over it as a disguise, and E.T. suddenly spots a child dressed up as Yoda, excitedly repeating “Home! Home!”. From this moment, Hollywood realised the marketing potential of “cute aliens”; whether Ewoks, Grogu or Toy Story’s “Little Green Men”. It is small wonder that Variety <a href="https://variety.com/1982/film/reviews/e-t-the-extra-terrestrial-1200425287/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">praised</a> E.T. as the “best Disney film Disney never made”. The alien plays another role too: it fills the void of the absent father. Paternal lack and the strains it places on families is a familiar trope in Spielberg’s films, from Jurassic Park (1993) to Catch Me If You Can (2002) to Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989). All we know is that Elliott’s father is “in Mexico, with Sally”: left behind is a stressed mother and bickering siblings. Some contend that E.T. is a <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/4239568?seq=1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">modern-day fairy tale</a> or <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/1982/08/15/movies/l-film-mailbag-is-et-a-religious-parable-073792.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">a Christian parable</a>. For others, it is an illustration of “<a href="https://edoc.hu-berlin.de/bitstream/handle/18452/23096/9783631837801%20%E2%80%93%20Echoes%20of%20Reaganism%20in%20Hollywood%20Blockbuster%20Movies%20from%20the%201980s%20to%20the%202010s.pdf?sequence=1&isAllowed=y" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reaganite entertainment</a>”, upholding the sanctity of the nuclear family but distrustful of bureaucratic interference and governmental surveillance. <h2>Spielberg at his best</h2> E.T. earned US$800 million at the box office. Adjusted for inflation, four decades on, that is still the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_highest-grossing_films_in_the_United_States_and_Canada#Adjusted_for_ticket-price_inflation" target="_blank" rel="noopener">fourth highest grossing</a> movie ever. For some naysayers, its success was further evidence of the special effects-laden, high-concept spectacle film that was beginning to reign in mainstream film culture. But I think E.T. is much more than that: it is a movie with a heart. The special effects are minimal. What counts is the story, and the boy and his friend. Spielberg’s films are to this day <a href="https://www.indiewire.com/2011/12/critics-notebook-putting-steven-spielberg-on-trial-50244/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">criticised</a> as mawkish and overly sentimental, deliberately engineered to cynically manipulate our emotions. Not so in E.T.: the pleasure is genuine and the tears are earned. E.T. became a pop culture phenomenon. The shot of Elliott and E.T. on a bike, flying across the moon, remains an iconic image. “Phone home” has become part of our lexicon. Its message of peaceful coexistence between creatures from different worlds today seems more appropriate than ever. Aliens stranded on earth are a staple of contemporary cinema, from Under the Skin (2013) to The Iron Giant (1999). And Netflix’s current global hit Stranger Things contains a treasure trove of E.T.’s visual references. Spielberg may have made bigger, louder films, and more historically profound ones, but E.T. endures as his best. This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/e-t-the-extra-terrestrial-at-40-a-deep-meditation-on-loneliness-and-spielbergs-most-exhilarating-film-183985" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>. Image: Shutterstock

Movies

Feeling lonelier during Covid? A lack of physical touch could be to blame

With COVID-19 restrictions making us stay 1.5 metres away from others or relying on technology to see friends and loved ones, it’s unsurprising that we are feeling lonelier than before. But new international research has found that a lack of physical touch can have negative impacts on mental health and feelings of loneliness. The team conducted an online study of 1746 people during the first wave of lockdowns in early 2020. The survey included questions asking participants about their intimate, friendly, and professional touch experiences before and during COVID-19 restrictions, as well as self-reported measures about their wellbeing. They found that those who experienced more intimate touch in the week before the study reported lower levels of anxiety and feelings of loneliness. For those who reported a lack of intimate touch, they also reported increased levels of anxiety and greater feelings of loneliness. They also found that intimate touch was the type of touch most craved by participants. Since physical touch is an important aspect of intimate and romantic relationships, with previous work suggesting that touch can buffer feelings of social isolation, the researchers argue that it is especially important during times of distress, such as during the pandemic. The team also suggested that physical and intimate touch may work as a “protective factor” against common reactions to the pandemic, such as anxiety, stress, and depression. What we can do about it Though we still can’t touch or hug others, staying connected can still protect us from feeling lonely. Video conferencing technology has boomed as a result of the pandemic, but switching to alternative methods of keeping in contact can help you stay in touch without encountering as much ‘Zoom fatigue’. This could look like switching to phone calls and texts, sending voice notes, or penning letters to your loved ones. In times of distress, it is important to fend off social isolation, even if it can’t be done through physical touch. The study was published in <a rel="noopener" href="https://doi.org/10.1098/rsos.210287" target="_blank">Royal Society Open Science</a>. Image: Getty Images

Mind

Loneliness changes our brains

Whether we are isolated due to COVID-19 lockdowns or any other reason, feeling lonely is a common response which can affect our brains. Research published in <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-020-20039-w" target="_blank">Nature Communications</a> has found that the brains of those who report feeling lonely look and respond differently to the brains of people who don’t. It seems like persistent feelings of isolation can affect the size of different areas of the brain, as well as how those areas communicate with the rest of the brain. The researchers examined the magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) data, genetics, and psychological self-assessments of approximately 40,000 middle-aged and older adults available in the UK Biobank: a database available to scientists around the world. In comparing the data of participants who reported feeling lonely against those who didn’t, scientists have found several differences in the brains of the lonely. These differences are centered around a set of brain regions called the default network. These regions are involved in reminiscing, planning the future, imagination, and thinking about others, and we use this network to remember the past, envision the future, and think about the hypothetical present. The brains of lonely participants were found to have default networks that were more strongly networked and contained a larger volume of grey matter. This may be due to lonely people being more likely to use their imagination, past memories, or future hopes to overcome their social isolation. “In the absence of desired social experiences, lonely individuals may be biased towards internally-directed thoughts such as reminiscing or imagining social experiences,” said lead author Nathan Spreng from the Neuro (Montreal Neurological Institute-Hospital) at Canada’s MacGill University. <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CI0fP8wA5W6/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="13"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CI0fP8wA5W6/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by The Neuro (@theneuro_mni)</a> </div> </blockquote> Loneliness has been identified as a growing health problem, with previous studies showing that older people experiencing loneliness have a higher risk of cognitive decline and dementia. “We are just beginning to understand the impact of loneliness on the brain,” said Danilo Bzdok, a researcher at the Neuro and the study’s senior author. “Expanding our knowledge in this area will help us better appreciate the urgency of reducing loneliness in today’s society.”

Mind

Betty White opens up about loneliness while in quarantine

<div class="post_body_wrapper"> <div class="post_body"> <div class="body_text redactor-styles redactor-in element-type-p"> Betty White's agent Jeff Witjas has said that White is ready for some face-to-face interaction after a safe year at home. White, 99, has been isolating at home due to the coronavirus pandemic and keeping busy by "reading, watching TV and doing crossword puzzles at home", according to <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.tmz.com/2021/05/11/betty-white-keeps-busy-quarantine-covid-update-summer/" target="_blank">TMZ</a>. This doesn't mean White isn't counting down the days until she's able to safely interact with friends. Witjas confirmed that White's "ability to regularly interact with friends face to face," during the pandemic has "severely affected in her life," explaining that like many, she's "looking forward to summer when she can safely enjoy the outdoors and regain her freedom." <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CLSXVN2nVmF/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="13"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CLSXVN2nVmF/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by Betty White (@bettymwhite)</a> </div> </blockquote> Despite being an animal lover, White hasn't had any furry friends to keep her company but has said there are a few ducks that keep her company that "walk up to her door every day to say hello". Wijtas declined on commenting whether or not White had been vaccinated. </div> </div> </div>

Movies

Nicole Kidman said husband Keith Urban saved her from the "great killer" of loneliness

Nicole Kidman has praised her husband Keith Urban from keeping her from loneliness during the coronavirus pandemic. The Undoing actress praised him in a recent interview with <a rel="noopener" href="https://redirect.viglink.com/?format=go&jsonp=vglnk_160617672419810&key=e5200498106ac69367fbfbf8b5361be3&libId=khv6vh6e0102kn81000DAbbr2cdm6ros2&loc=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.etonline.com%2Fnicole-kidman-on-parenting-in-lockdown-and-how-keith-urban-saved-her-from-the-great-killer-of%3Futm_source%3Dfeedburner%26utm_medium%3Dfeed%26utm_campaign%3DFeed%253A%2BETTopStories%2B%2528Entertainment%2BTonight%253A%2BBreaking%2BNews%2529&v=1&out=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.glamourmagazine.co.uk%2Farticle%2Fnicole-kidman-glamour-cover-interview-2020https%3A%2F%2Fwww.glamourmagazine.co.uk%2Farticle%2Fnicole-kidman-glamour-cover-interview-2020&title=Nicole%20Kidman%20on%20Parenting%20in%20Lockdown%20%26%20How%20Keith%20Urban%20Saved%20Her%20From%20the%20%E2%80%98Great%20Killer%E2%80%99%20of%20Loneliness%20%7C%20Entertainment%20Tonight&txt=Glamour" target="_blank">Glamour</a>. "I have a very good relationship. It is a very soothing, comforting place for me to go, and he's a very strong, warm, kind man," she said. "I'm very fortunate to have that in my life because it's a really strong place to be able to go and curl up." The pair have been married since 2006 and share daughters Rose, 12 and Faith Margaret, 9. "And, this is a lonely world, right?" she said. "That's an extraordinary thing to have found, particularly later in my life. But it saved me, as well, which is a beautiful thing to have." <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CHdzh1KHS1c/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="13"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CHdzh1KHS1c/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by Nicole Kidman (@nicolekidman)</a> </div> </blockquote> Kidman referred to loneliness as a global "epidemic" and that she doesn't take her husband's unconditional love for granted. "They say loneliness is the great killer," she said. "It causes so much pain and I've been lonely, and it is very, very, very hard. You see it in older people. You see it in young people. You see it now in this world. We can't even hug anymore. Loneliness is an epidemic. So, I am very fortunate to come home to him. My heart goes out to the people who don't have a person to go to now." She said her family keeps her grounded. "I said once, 'I prefer children to adults.' I like adults more now — not more than kids, though," she said. "I love being around children and we've got five kids living with me now because Keith had to go [to Nashville] to release his album. So, my sister moved in to help me while I'm filming, and we have three of her younger kids — she has six — living with us." "Our kids — because we travel, and we won't be apart — are used to having to learn online," she said. "But the social distance has been very difficult for them. They are working through the emotions. For a 12-year-old, it's about not being able to access friends easily. That's a whole thing which every parent will be going through."

Relationships

A history of loneliness

Is loneliness our modern malaise? Former U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy <a href="https://hbr.org/cover-story/2017/09/work-and-the-loneliness-epidemic">says</a> the most common pathology he saw during his years of service “was not heart disease or diabetes; it was loneliness.” Chronic loneliness, <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/society/2013/mar/12/duncan-selbie-isolated-bad-health">some say</a>, is like “smoking 15 cigarettes a day.” It “<a href="http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2013/08/dangers_of_loneliness_social_isolation_is_deadlier_than_obesity.html">kills more people than obesity</a>.” Because loneliness is now considered a <a href="http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2017/08/lonely-die.aspx">public health</a> issue – and even an <a href="http://fortune.com/2016/06/22/loneliness-is-a-modern-day-epidemic/">epidemic</a> – people are exploring its causes and trying to find solutions. While writing a book on the history of how poets wrote about loneliness in the <a href="https://www.britannica.com/art/English-literature/The-Romantic-period">Romantic Period</a>, I discovered that loneliness is a relatively new concept and once had an easy cure. However, as the concept’s meaning has transformed, finding solutions has become harder. Returning to the origins of the word – and understanding how its meaning has changed through time – gives us a new way to think about modern loneliness, and the ways in which we might address it. <h2>The dangers of venturing into ‘lonelinesses’</h2> Although loneliness may seem like a timeless, universal experience, it seems to have originated in the late 16th century, when it signaled the danger created by being too far from other people. In early modern Britain, to stray too far from society was to surrender the protections it provided. Distant forests and mountains inspired fear, and a lonely space was a place in which you might meet someone who could do you harm, with no one else around to help. In order to frighten their congregations out of sin, sermon writers asked people to imagine themselves in “lonelinesses” – places like hell, the grave or the desert. Yet well into the 17th century, the words “loneliness” and “lonely” rarely appeared in writing. In 1674, the naturalist John Ray <a href="http://www.thesalamancacorpus.com/varia_various_1500-1699_ray_a-collection_1691.html">compiled a glossary</a> of infrequently used words. He included “loneliness” in his list, defining it as a term used to describe places and people “far from neighbours.” John Milton’s 1667 epic poem “<a href="https://www.dartmouth.edu/%7Emilton/reading_room/pl/book_1/text.shtml">Paradise Lost</a>” features one of the first lonely characters in all of British literature: Satan. On his journey to the garden of Eden to tempt Eve, Satan treads “lonely steps” out of hell. But Milton isn’t writing about Satan’s feelings; instead, he’s emphasizing that he’s crossing into the ultimate wilderness, a space between hell and Eden where no angel has previously ventured. Satan <a href="https://www.dartmouth.edu/%7Emilton/reading_room/pl/book_2/text.shtml">describes</a> his loneliness in terms of vulnerability: “From them I go / This uncouth errand sole, and one for all / Myself expose, with lonely steps to tread / Th’ unfounded deep.” <h2>The dilemma of modern loneliness</h2> Even if we now enjoy the wilderness as a place of adventure and pleasure, the fear of loneliness persists. The problem has simply moved into our cities. Many are trying to solve it by bringing people physically closer to their neighbors. <a href="https://www.aarp.org/research/topics/life/info-2014/loneliness_2010.html">Studies</a> point to a spike in the number of people who live alone and the breakdown of family and community structures. British Prime Minister Theresa May has set her sights on “combating” loneliness and <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/17/world/europe/uk-britain-loneliness.html">appointed</a> a minister of loneliness to do just that in January. There is even a <a href="https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org">philanthropy</a> called the “Campaign to End Loneliness.” But the drive to cure loneliness oversimplifies its modern meaning. In the 17th century, when loneliness was usually relegated to the space outside the city, solving it was easy. It merely required a return to society. However, loneliness has since moved inward – and has become much harder to cure. Because it’s taken up residence inside minds, even the minds of people living in bustling cities, it can’t always be solved by company. Modern loneliness isn’t just about being physically removed from other people. Instead, it’s an emotional state of feeling apart from others – without necessarily being so. Someone surrounded by people, or even accompanied by friends or a lover, can complain of feelings of loneliness. The wilderness is now inside of us. <h2>Populating the wilderness of the mind</h2> The lack of an obvious cure to loneliness is part of the reason why it is considered to be so dangerous today: The abstraction is frightening. Counterintuitively, however, the secret to dealing with modern loneliness might lie not in trying to make it disappear but in finding ways to dwell within its abstractions, talk through its contradictions and seek out others who feel the same way. While it’s certainly important to pay attention to the structures that have led people (especially elderly, disabled and other vulnerable people) to be physically isolated and therefore unwell, finding ways to destigmatize loneliness is also crucial. Acknowledging that loneliness is a profoundly human and sometimes uncurable experience rather than a mere pathology might allow people – especially lonely people – to find commonality. In order to look at the “epidemic of loneliness” as more than just an “epidemic of isolation,” it’s important to consider why the spaces of different people’s minds might feel like wildernesses in the first place. Everyone experiences loneliness differently, and many find it difficult to describe. As the novelist Joseph Conrad <a href="https://books.google.com/books?id=8P99Y2HWGK4C&dq=under%20western%20eyes&pg=PP1#v=onepage&q=true%20loneliness&f=false">wrote</a>, “Who knows what true loneliness is – not the conventional word but the naked terror? To the lonely themselves it wears a mask.” Learning about the range of ways others experience loneliness could help mitigate the kind of disorientation Conrad describes. Reading literature can also make the mind feel like less of a wilderness. The books we read need not themselves be about loneliness, though there are lots of examples of these, from “<a href="https://www.publishersweekly.com/pw/by-topic/industry-news/tip-sheet/article/69506-10-books-about-loneliness.html">Frankenstein</a>” to “<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/books/2011/aug/24/teju-cole-top-10-novels-solitude">Invisible Man</a>.” Reading allows readers to connect with characters who might also be lonely; but more importantly, it offers a way to make the mind feel as though it is populated. Literature also offers examples of how to be lonely together. British Romantic poets often copied each other’s loneliness and found it productive and fulfilling. There are opportunities for community in loneliness when we share it, whether in face-to-face interactions or through text. Though loneliness can be debilitating, it has come a long way from its origins as a synonym for isolation. As the poet Ocean Vuong <a href="https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2015/05/04/someday-ill-love-ocean-vuong">wrote</a>, “loneliness is still time spent with the world.”<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/91542/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/amelia-s-worsley-443122">Amelia S. Worsley</a>, Assistant Professor of English, <a href="http://theconversation.com/institutions/amherst-college-2155">Amherst College</a> This article is republished from <a href="http://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/a-history-of-loneliness-91542">original article</a>.

Books

Why we need to stop medicalising loneliness

What does loneliness sound like? I asked this question on Twitter recently. You might expect that people would say “silence”, but they didn’t. Their answers included: <blockquote> The wind whistling in my chimney, because I only ever hear it when I’m alone. The hubbub of a pub heard when the door opens to the street. The sound of a clicking radiator as it comes on or off. The terrible din of early morning birds in suburban trees. </blockquote> I suspect everyone has a sound associated with loneliness and personal alienation. Mine is the honk of Canadian geese, which takes me back to life as a 20-year-old student, living in halls after a break-up. These sounds highlight that the experience of loneliness varies from person to person – something that is not often recognised in our modern panic. We are in an “epidemic”; a mental health “crisis”. In 2018 the British government was so concerned that it created a “<a href="https://www.gov.uk/government/news/pm-launches-governments-first-loneliness-strategy">Minister for Loneliness</a>”. Countries like Germany and Switzerland may follow suit. This language imagines that loneliness is a single, universal state – it is not. Loneliness is an <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1754073918768876">emotion cluster</a> – it can be made up of a number of feelings, such as anger, shame, sadness, jealousy and grief. The loneliness of a single mother on the breadline, for example, is very different to that of an elderly man <a href="https://www.nhs.uk/news/older-people/social-isolation-increases-death-risk-in-older-people/">whose peers have died</a> or a teenager who is <a href="https://www.psycom.net/mental-health-wellbeing/mental-health-wellbeing-mental-health-wellbeing-how-social-media-increases-loneliness/">connected online</a> but lacks offline friendships. And <a href="https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/blog/rural-loneliness/">rural loneliness</a> is different to urban loneliness. By talking about loneliness as a virus or an epidemic, we medicalise it and seek simple, even pharmacological treatments. This year researchers announced that a “<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2019/jan/26/pill-for-loneliness-psychology-science-medicine">loneliness pill</a>” is in the works. This move is part of a broader treatment of emotions as mental health problems, with interventions focusing on symptoms not causes. But loneliness is physical as well as psychological. Its language and experience also changes over time. <h2>Lonely as a cloud</h2> Before 1800, the word loneliness was not particularly emotional: it simply connoted the state of being alone. The lexicographer Thomas Blount’s Glossographia (1656) defined loneliness as “one; an oneliness, or loneliness, a single or singleness”. Loneliness usually denoted places rather than people: a lonely castle, a lonely tree, or wandering “lonely as a cloud” in Wordsworth’s <a href="https://wordsworth.org.uk/wordsworth/daffodils-and-other-poems/wordsworths-daffodils/">poem of 1802</a>. In this period, “oneliness” was seldom negative. It allowed communion with God, as when Jesus “withdrew to lonely places and prayed” (Luke 5:16). For many of the Romantics, nature served the same, quasi-religious or deistic function. Even without the presence of God, nature provided inspiration and health, themes that continue in some <a href="https://www.thenewatlantis.com/publications/environmentalism-as-religion">21st-century environmentalism</a>. Critically, this interconnectedness between self and world (or God-in-world) was also found in medicine. There was no division of the mind and body, as exists today. Between the 2nd and the 18th centuries, medicine defined health depending on <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b008h5dz">four humours</a>: blood, phlegm, black bile and yellow bile. Emotions depended on the balance of those humours, which were influenced by age, gender and environment, including diet, exercise, sleep and the quality of the air. Too much solitude, like too much hare meat, could be damaging. But that was a physical as well as a mental problem. This holism between mental and physical health – by which one could target the body to treat the mind – was lost with the rise of 19th-century scientific medicine. The <a href="https://global.oup.com/academic/product/this-mortal-coil-9780199793396">body and mind were separated</a> into different systems and specialisms: psychology and psychiatry for the mind, cardiology for the heart. This is why we view our emotions as situated in the brain. But in doing so, we often ignore the physical and lived experiences of emotion. This includes not only sound, but also touch, smell and taste. <h2>Warm hearts</h2> Studies of <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/1467-9566.12663">care homes</a> suggest that lonely people get attached to material objects, even when they live with dementia and can’t verbally express loneliness. Lonely people also benefit from <a href="https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/p/pets-and-mental-health">physical interactions with pets</a>. The heartbeats of dogs have even been found to <a href="https://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/dog-and-their-owners-heart-beats-sync-when-theyre-reunited/">synchronise</a> with human owners; anxious hearts are calmed and “happy hormones” produced. Providing spaces for people to eat socially has, as well as music, dance and massage therapies, been found to reduce loneliness, even among people with <a href="https://www.research.va.gov/currents/0119-Mind-body-therapies-for-PTSD.cfm">PTSD</a>. Working through the senses gives physical connectedness and belonging to people starved of social contact and companionable touch. Terms like “warm-hearted” describe these social interactions. They come from historic ideas that connected a person’s emotions and sociability <a href="https://global.oup.com/academic/product/matters-of-the-heart-9780199540976?cc=us&lang=en&">to their physical organs</a>. These heat-based metaphors are still used to describe emotions. And lonely people seem to crave <a href="https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/picturegalleries/howaboutthat/8594643/Having-a-hot-bath-dispels-loneliness.html">hot baths</a> and drinks, as though this physical warmth stands in for social warmth. Being conscious of language and material culture use, then, might help us assess if others – or we – are lonely. Until we tend to the physical as well as the psychological causes and signs of loneliness, we are unlikely to find a “cure” for a modern epidemic. Because this separation between mind and body reflects a broader division that has emerged between the individual and society, self and world. <h2>The limits of the individual</h2> Many of the processes of modernity are predicated on individualism; on the conviction that we are distinct, entirely <a href="https://www.hup.harvard.edu/catalog.php?isbn=9780674824263">separate beings</a>. At the same time as medical science parcelled up the body into different specialisms and divisions, the social and economic changes brought by <a href="https://www.routledge.com/The-Routledge-Companion-to-Modernity-Space-and-Gender/Staub/p/book/9781138746411">modernity</a> – industrialisation, urbanisation, individualism – transformed patterns of work, life and leisure, creating secular alternatives to the God-in-world idea. These transformations were justified by secularism. Physical and earthly bodies were redefined as material rather than spiritual: as resources that could be consumed. Narratives of evolution were adapted by <a href="https://www.history.com/topics/early-20th-century-us/social-darwinism">social Darwinists</a> who claimed that competitive individualism was not only justifiable, but inevitable. Classifications and divisions were the order of the day: between mind and body, nature and culture, self and others. Gone was the 18th-century sense of sociability in which, as Alexander Pope put it, “self love and social be the same”. Little wonder then, that the language of loneliness has increased in the 21st century. Privatisation, deregulation and austerity have continued the forces of liberalisation. And languages of loneliness thrive in the gaps created by the meaninglessness and powerlessness identified by <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1057/palgrave.sth.8700046">Karl Marx</a> and sociologist <a href="https://blog.oup.com/2017/10/energy-contagion-emile-durkheim/">Emile Durkheim</a> as synonymous with the post-industrial age. Of course loneliness is not only about material want. Billionaires are lonely too. Poverty might increase loneliness linked to social isolation, but <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/pragyaagarwaleurope/2018/07/12/loneliness-as-an-entrepreneur-heres-something-we-can-do-about-it/">wealth is no buffer</a> against the absence of meaning in the modern age. Nor is it useful in navigating the proliferation of 21st-century “communities” that exist (online and off) that lack the mutual obligation assured by earlier definitions of community as a source of “common good”. I am not suggesting a return to the humours, or some fictitious, pre-industrial Arcadia. But I do think that more attention needs to be paid to loneliness’s complex history. In the context of this history, knee-jerk claims of an “epidemic” are revealed to be unhelpful. Instead, we must address what “community” means in the present, and acknowledge the myriad kinds of loneliness (positive and negative) that exist under modern individualism. To do this we must tend to the body, for that is how we connect to the world, and each other, as sensory, physical beings.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/127056/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> Written by Fay Bound Alberti, Reader in History and UKRI Future Leaders Fellow, University of York. Republished with permission of <a rel="noopener" href="https://theconversation.com/stop-medicalising-loneliness-history-reveals-its-society-that-needs-mending-127056" target="_blank">The Conversation</a>.

Mind

New research shows that dogs really do chase away loneliness

Feeling lonely? A dog may help. Our research out today confirms what many dog owners already know: dogs are great companions that can help you to feel less lonely. Cuddles and slobbery kisses, meeting other dog owners in the park and a general lift in mood all likely help. But our study, published today in <a href="https://bmcpublichealth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12889-019-7770-5">BMC Public Health</a>, found dogs didn’t affect psychological distress, the type seen in depression and anxiety. Why are we studying this? <a href="https://animalmedicinesaustralia.org.au/report/pets-in-australia-a-national-survey-of-pets-and-people/">Almost two in five Australian households own a dog</a>. And although most dog owners will assure you, in no uncertain terms, their dog is a source of sheer happiness, scientific evidence is lacking. Most previous studies have compared the mental well-being of dog owners to non-owners at a single point in time. The problem with these studies is they cannot tell if dogs actually make us happier, less lonely or less stressed. They also cannot tell us if dog owners are simply in a more positive state of mind in the first place. So, in this study, we measured mental well-being at three points in time: before owning a dog, three months after owning a dog and eight months after owning a dog. What did we do? <a href="https://sydney.edu.au/charles-perkins-centre/our-research/current-research/physical-activity-exercise-and-energy-expenditure/dog-ownership-and-human-health.html">Our study</a>, known as the PAWS trial, involved 71 Sydney adults who were separated into three groups: <ul> <li>people who bought a dog within one month of starting the study</li> <li>people who were interested in getting a dog in the near future but agreed not to get one during the study, and</li> <li>people who had no interest in getting a dog.</li> </ul> People filled out surveys to measure their mood, loneliness and symptoms of psychological distress at the three different time-points. We then compared the mental well-being of the groups at the beginning of the study, to the mid-point and to the end-point. Here’s what we found New dog owners felt less lonely after they got a dog compared to the other two groups. The effect happened quite quickly, within three months of acquiring a dog. There was no further decrease in loneliness between three months and eight months. <a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/298491/original/file-20191024-170462-1dsu3q3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/298491/original/file-20191024-170462-1dsu3q3.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" alt="" /></a> Aww. The joy of a new dog eased loneliness within the first few months. <a href="https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/cute-red-white-irish-setter-pup-1369680155?src=pmJrtCxnszgy7I5x5_29XA-1-47" class="source">from www.shutterstock.com</a> We also found some evidence that dog owners had fewer negative emotions, such as nervousness or distress, within three months of getting a new dog but this finding was not as clear cut. We found that symptoms of depression and anxiety were unchanged after acquiring a dog. Maybe the dog owners in our study already had low levels of psychological distress before they got a dog, so dog ownership didn’t lower these levels any further. What does it all mean? There are lots of possible reasons dogs can help to lessen feelings of loneliness. We know having a quick cuddle with a dog <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/08927936.2015.1070008">boosts people’s mood in the short-term</a>. Maybe daily dog cuddles can also boost owners’ mood in the long-term which could help to lower feelings of loneliness. Dog owners may also meet new people through their dog as <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1348/000712600161673">people are more likely to talk strangers if they are accompanied by a dog</a>. In our study, dog owners also said they had met new people in their neighbourhood because of their dog. So far, there have only been two similar studies to look at mental well-being in new dog owners, one of which was conducted almost 30 years ago. Of these studies, one found dog owners had <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1774745">fewer symptoms of psychiatric disorders</a> after they acquired a dog. The other study found <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.2752/089279307X245473">no difference in loneliness</a> after people brought a new dog home. Dogs may also improve our <a href="https://ahajournals.org/doi/full/10.1161/cir.0b013e31829201e1">physical health</a>, by reducing blood pressure, improving cardiovascular health and increasing the amount of physical activity their owners perform. But, as is the case with mental well-being, the scientific evidence is still limited. So, what happens next? One of the things our study cannot determine is how dogs affect men’s mental well-being. By chance, all the new dog owners in our study were women. So, we don’t know whether dogs affect men’s mental well-being in a different way to women’s. Our next step is to look at mental well-being in a much bigger group of new dog owners to confirm these findings. A bigger study could also provide more insight into the relationship between dog ownership and mental illness, such as depression and anxiety. <hr /> If this article has raised issues for you, or if you’re concerned about someone you know, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/125495/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lauren-powell-864071">Lauren Powell</a>, PhD candidate, <a href="http://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/emmanuel-stamatakis-161783">Emmanuel Stamatakis</a>, Professor of Physical Activity, Lifestyle, and Population Health, <a href="http://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-sydney-841">University of Sydney</a> This article is republished from <a href="http://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/dogs-really-can-chase-away-loneliness-125495">original article</a>.

Family & Pets

Why loneliness is contagious

Loneliness is a <a href="https://tinkering.exploratorium.edu/sites/default/files/pdfs/Science-2011-Miller-138-401.pdf">common condition affecting around one in three adults</a>. It damages your brain, immune system, and can lead to depression and suicide. Loneliness can also increase your risk of dying prematurely as much as smoking can – and even more so than obesity. If you feel lonely, you tend to feel more stressed in situations that others cope better in, and even though you might get sufficient sleep, you don’t feel rested during the day. Loneliness has also increased <a href="http://science.sciencemag.org/content/331/6014/138.full?sid=6039e2dc-1bcf-4622-ae54-1e5b2816a98d">over the past few decades</a>. Compared to the 1980s, the number of people living alone in the US has increased by about one-third. When Americans were asked about the number of people that they can confide in, the number dropped from three in 1985 to two in 2004. In the UK, 21 to 31 per cent of people report that they feel lonely some of the time, and surveys in other parts of the world report <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4391342/">similarly high estimates</a>. And it’s not just adults who feel lonely. Over a tenth of kindergarteners and first graders report feeling lonely in the <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3865701/">school environment</a>. So many people feel lonely these days. But loneliness is a tricky condition, because it doesn’t necessarily refer to the number of people you talk to or the number of acquaintances you have. You can have many people around you and still feel lonely. As the comedian <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1262981/quotes">Robin Williams</a> put it in the film World’s Greatest Dad: <blockquote> I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone. </blockquote> What is loneliness? Loneliness refers to the discrepancy between the number and quality of the relationships that you desire and <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4391342/">those you actually have</a>. You can have only two friends, but if you get along really well with them and feel that they meet your needs, you’re not lonely. Or you can be in a crowd and feel all alone. But loneliness is not just about how you feel. Being in this state can make you <a href="https://tinkering.exploratorium.edu/sites/default/files/pdfs/Science-2011-Miller-138-401.pdf">behave differently</a>, too, because you have less control over yourself – for example, you’re more likely to eat that chocolate cake for lunch instead of a meal or order take-out for dinner and you will also feel less motivated to exercise, which is important for mental and physical health. You’re also more likely to act aggressively towards others. Sometimes people think that the only way out of loneliness is to simply talk to a few more people. But while that can help, loneliness is less about the number of contacts that you make and more about how you see the world. When you become lonely, you start to <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3874845/">act and see the world differently</a>. You begin noticing the threats in your environment more readily, you expect to be rejected more often, and become more judgemental of the people you interact with. People that you talk to can feel this, and as a result, start moving away from you, which perpetuates your loneliness cycle. <a href="https://tinkering.exploratorium.edu/sites/default/files/pdfs/Science-2011-Miller-138-401.pdf">Studies have shown</a> that (non-lonely) people who hang out with lonely people are more likely to become lonely themselves. So loneliness is contagious, just as happiness is – when you hang out with happy people, you are more likely to become happy. There is also a <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3865701/">loneliness gene</a> that can be passed down and, while inheriting this gene doesn’t mean you will end up alone, it does affect how distressed you feel from social disconnection. If you have this gene, you are more likely to feel the pain of not having the kinds of relationships that you want. It’s particularly <a href="http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article/file?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0190033&type=printable">bad news for men</a>. Loneliness more often results in death for men than for women. Lonely men are also less resilient and tend to be more depressed than lonely women. This is because men are typically discouraged from expressing their emotions in society and if they do they are judged harshly for it. As such, they might not even admit it to themselves that they’re feeling lonely and tend to wait a long time before seeking help. This can have serious consequences for their mental health. How to escape it To overcome loneliness and improve our mental health, there are certain things we can do. <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3874845/">Research has looked</a> at the different ways of combating this condition, such as increasing the number of people you talk to, improving your social skills, and learning how to compliment others. But it seems the number one thing is to change your perceptions of the world around you. It’s realising that sometimes people aren’t able to meet up with you, not because there is something inherently wrong with you, but because of other things going on in their lives. Maybe the person that you wanted to have dinner with wasn’t able to accept your invitation because it was too short notice for them and they had already promised someone else they would have drinks. People who aren’t lonely realise this and, as a consequence, don’t get down or start beating themselves up when someone says no to their invitations. When you don’t attribute “failures” to yourself, but rather to circumstances, you become much more resilient in life and can keep going. Getting rid of loneliness is also about letting go of cynicism and mistrust of others. So next time you meet someone new, try to lose that protective shield and really allow them in, even though you don’t know what the outcome will be.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/94376/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> Written by Olivia Remes, PhD Candidate, University of Cambridge. Republished with permission of <a rel="noopener" href="https://theconversation.com/loneliness-is-contagious-and-heres-how-to-beat-it-94376" target="_blank">The Conversation</a>.

Body

Duchess Kate’s brother opens up about the “angst of loneliness” in emotional post

The Duchess of Cambridge’s brother has always been candid about his struggle with depression, and now, the 31-year-old has given an insight into how he deals with the illness. James Middleton has previously described depression as an “illness, a cancer of the mind”. Now, taking to Instagram, the youngest of the Middleton clan has opened up about his life. “I’ve been in that angst of loneliness, where you’re really alone in the universe,” he wrote to his 127,000 followers. “Luckily for me I had my dogs.” <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/BuonSDcA_nf/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_medium=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <a style="color: #000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BuonSDcA_nf/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_medium=loading" target="_blank">I've been in that angst of loneliness, where you're really alone in the universe. Luckily for me I had my dogs 🐾🐾</a> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;">A post shared by <a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/jmidy/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_medium=loading" target="_blank"> James Middleton</a> (@jmidy) on Mar 5, 2019 at 9:13am PST </div> </blockquote> Earlier in the year, the entrepreneur penned <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/health/mind/duchess-kates-brother-speaks-out-about-secret-battle" target="_blank">an open letter</a> for the <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6583137/With-devastating-honesty-courage-JAMES-MIDDLETON-reveals-private-battle-depression.html" target="_blank">Daily Mail</a>, as he revealed his fight against depression. “It is tricky to describe the condition,” he wrote, “It is not merely sadness. It is an illness, a cancer of the mind.” It was a rapid decline, as Middleton found his mental health suffering over the course of 2017, with each day being consumed by the illness. “It’s not a feeling but an absence of feelings. You exist without purpose or direction,” he explained. Middleton also suffers from Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), and when combined with depression, it became increasingly difficult for him to get through day-to-day life. After taking as much as he could handle, he escaped from his routine and drove to England’s Lake District with his dogs in December of 2017. In the hopes to leave his dark days behind, he came to the conclusion that he needs help, and that was when his slow but meaningful recovery began. “I knew if I accepted help there would be hope. It was a tiny spark of light in the darkness.” Middleton, who runs his own marshmallow business called Boomf, has suffered from a few knock-backs as his company has experienced a loss of over $5 million in three years. He is now working as a guide for Pippa Middleton’s husband James Matthews at the Glen Affric Lodge near Loch Ness – a hotel in the Scottish Highlands. If you are troubled by this article, experiencing a personal crisis or thinking about suicide, you can call the Depression Helpline at 0800 111 757 or visit depression.org.nz.

Mind

6 tips to avoid loneliness as you age

As we age we can find our social circle getting smaller, if we let it. But there are lots of options for staying connected within your community, if you are willing to try new things. Protect your mental health and try some of these tips to see if they help build new relationships and reduce feelings of isolation. 1. Libraries and community centres These centres tend to have something for everyone, and much of it is free. Book clubs, bridge, dances, choirs, sewing skills, movie nights and supper clubs are just some of the wonderful opportunities available at your local library or community centre. 2. Exercise groups Why not join a walking group or swimming club in your local area to meet like-minded seniors? Exercise is great for mental health as well as for social skills, as it gives us a chance to get out of the house and keep fit while we make friends. 3. Special interest groups It seems that there is a group for almost anything these days, as you will find by searching online on sites such as meetup.com.au – think language skills, photography, craft, sewing, wine tasting and everything in between. Can’t find what you’re looking for? Start your own group! 4. Transport options Many local bowling and recreation clubs offer free shuttles to and from their venues. Here you might find obvious things like lawn bowls, as well as bingo or entertainment options. You could even just use the service to facilitate meeting up with friends for lunch on a monthly basis. Depending on your needs, many older people are eligible for subsidised taxi rides to get to appointments or for shopping, so be sure to look into this if you think you may be eligible. 5. Volunteering There are so many ways and places to offer your time, so find something you are passionate about and go from there. For instance you might be able to teach people to sew or build; you could help kids with their reading or homework at the local library; lend a hand at organisations that provide meals for the needy; participate in community garden projects; or spend some time with someone who speaks English as their second language to improve their conversation skills. Again, the internet is your friend here to help you find your niche. 6. Technology Speaking of technology, there are plenty of internet or phone based applications and services that you can make us of. Social media can be used to keep in touch with friends and family. Skype or Face Time allows you to make video calls for free with loved ones. You can sign up to receive regular phone calls to check on you. You can have an emergency response button around your neck so that you can ring for help if you have a fall. How have you managed to keep the feelings of isolation at bay as an older person? We would love to hear your ideas in the comments.

Relationships

Beautiful photo series reveals the loneliness of insomnia

If you’ve ever experienced insomnia before, you’ll know just how lonely it can be, especially when it seems the rest of the world is sleeping happily while you endure a constant struggle. Now, 39-year-old photographer Michael Massaia from New Jersey has captured how lonely insomnia really is, with a haunting series of photos depicting an eerily empty Central Park. “It was a bit maddening trying to fill up all the hours,” Massaia, who has suffered insomnia since the age of 13, told the <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/2017/05/31/these-stunning-photos-capture-the-loneliness-of-insomnia_a_22119315/?utm_hp_ref=au-entertainment" target="_blank">Huffington Post</a>. “My desire to sleep wasn't to try and get rest, it was to simply help pass the time.” That’s what led the photographer to start a little night-time project, as a way of capturing the contrast between the dark, empty night and the bustling, bright daytime. “I hope people take away from the project a kind of compelling isolation, or perhaps something as simple as being able to turn a defect into something useful.” Take a look at the fascinating photos above and tell us in the comments below, have you ever experienced insomnia? How did you overcome it? Image credit: Michael Massaia.

Art

Spotting the signs of loneliness

There are many things that people are willing, even excited to share with the people around them. Their good mood, or their intense desire for coffee very early in the morning. However, people become less forthcoming with their feelings when they feel doing so may reflect negatively on themselves. Because of this, it can be difficult to tell when someone you love is feeling lonely, but, depending on your role in their life, not impossible. Human beings, as a whole, tend to be more inclined to give answers that will be looked upon more favourably by others. This phenomenon, known as <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_desirability_bias" target="_blank">“social desirability bias”</a>, can take the form of over-reporting on good behaviours, moods, and reactions, while underreporting things they feel are undesirable, such as sadness, rule breaking, or loneliness. While our instinct is to dismiss the fear of rejection due to negative feelings as silly, there is scientific evidence to back it up. A <a href="http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2009.01220.x/abstract" target="_blank">1998 study</a> showed that lonely people were thought of less positively by themselves as well as others. This isn’t necessarily a conscious choice people make – to have a negative opinion of the lonely, but could be more of an instinctual habit. But taking steps to reach out to people who are lonely is important for their wellbeing, so can we spot when someone is lonely when they’re likely doing their best to hide it? <a href="http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S009265661630006X" target="_blank">A study</a> from 2016 showed that those closest to us are well positioned to notice if we’re feeling lonely. The German study processed surveys from 463 young adults who reported their own feelings of loneliness. Via email, the researchers then reached out to the friends, family, and romantic partners of the subjects and had them rate the loneliness of their person. The results showed that the assessment of others when it comes to loneliness is fairly accurate when placed next to self-assessment. Perhaps unsurprisingly, romantic partners were best at knowing when their person was lonely, while parents and friends seem to be evenly matched. How well do you think you’re able to spot loneliness in your friends and family? Have you reached out to a lonely friend or family member? Share your experience with us in the comments below.

Relationships

The 7 types of loneliness everyone experiences

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but sometimes, absence just results in loneliness. Even when you’re surrounded by people (or even in a crowd) it’s still possible to feel lonely. It’s one of the biggest obstacles to happy, fulfilled life – but it doesn’t have to be. According to Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, there are seven different types of loneliness, and the first step towards overcoming it is identifying what kind you’re experiencing. 1. “New-situation loneliness” If you’ve recently moved to a new area, changed jobs or joined a new club and find yourself surrounded by strange new people and places, you may be feeling this type of loneliness. 2. “I’m-different loneliness” You may be in a familiar place, surrounded by familiar faces, but you don’t feel as though you belong. It may be that others don’t share your beliefs, hobbies, opinions, leaving you feeling different, out-of-place and emotionally isolated. 3. “No-sweetheart loneliness” Perhaps the most common type of loneliness, you may experience this when your romantic life is unfulfilled. It could be that you have lots of supportive friends and family members, but crave the intimacy and love that comes with a romantic partner. It’s even possible to feel this type of loneliness while in a relationship, albeit a troubled or unsatisfying one. 4. “No-animal loneliness” Many people are content without the company of other people and instead crave the presence of animals. Living alone can be a liberating experience, but also an isolated one. For many, having a pet provides just enough company, and being without one can leave a gap in their lives. 5. “No-time-for-me loneliness” Those experiencing this type of loneliness may be friendly with lots of people, but none seem to be willing to take that leap from acquaintances to friendship. This could also be true of people who used to be friends, but who have drifted away due to new circumstances or commitments. 6. “Untrustworthy-friends loneliness” If you feel as though you can’t trust or confide in your friends, it can leave you feeling as though you have no friends at all. “An important element of friendship is the ability to confide and trust, so if that’s missing, you may feel lonely, even if you have fun with your friends,” Rubin says. 7. “Quiet-presence loneliness” You might have an active, fun social life with your friends or family but one thing is missing – that one person you feel you can simply sit with, watching TV, perhaps not even in the same room, without feeling obligated to talk or like you have to be “on” all the time. How many of these types of loneliness have you experienced? How did you overcome them? Let us know in the comment section below.

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