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Stuck in fight-or-flight mode? 5 ways to complete the ‘stress cycle’ and avoid burnout or depression

<div class="theconversation-article-body"> <p>Can you remember a time when you felt stressed leading up to a big life event and then afterwards felt like a weight had been lifted? This process – the ramping up of the stress response and then feeling this settle back down – shows completion of the “stress cycle”.</p> <p>Some stress in daily life is unavoidable. But remaining stressed is unhealthy. <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2568977/">Chronic stress</a> increases <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32886587/">chronic health conditions</a>, including heart disease and stroke and diabetes. It can also lead to <a href="https://theconversation.com/were-all-exhausted-but-are-you-experiencing-burnout-heres-what-to-look-out-for-164393">burnout</a> or <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5137920/">depression</a>.</p> <p>Exercise, cognitive, creative, social and self-soothing activities help us process stress in healthier ways and complete the stress cycle.</p> <h2>What does the stress cycle look like?</h2> <p>Scientists and researchers refer to the “stress response”, often with a focus on the fight-or-flight reactions. The phrase the “stress cycle” has been made popular by <a href="https://www.penguin.co.uk/articles/2019/03/complete-stress-cycle-emotional-exhaustion-burnout">self-help experts</a> but it does have a scientific basis.</p> <p>The <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK541120/">stress cycle</a> is our body’s response to a stressful event, whether real or perceived, physical or psychological. It could be being chased by a vicious dog, an upcoming exam or a difficult conversation.</p> <p>The stress cycle has three stages:</p> <ul> <li> <p><strong>stage 1</strong> is perceiving the threat</p> </li> <li> <p><strong>stage 2</strong> is the fight-or-flight response, driven by our stress hormones: adrenaline and cortisol</p> </li> <li> <p><strong>stage 3</strong> is relief, including physiological and psychological relief. This completes the stress cycle.</p> </li> </ul> <p>Different people will respond to stress differently based on their life experiences and <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3181835/#:%7E:text=The%20major%20findings%20regarding%20the,renin%2Dangiotensin%2Daldosterone%20system%20or">genetics</a>.</p> <p>Unfortunately, many people experience <a href="https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2023/01/polycrisis-global-risks-report-cost-of-living/">multiple and ongoing stressors</a> out of their control, including the cost-of-living crisis, extreme weather events and <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/family-domestic-and-sexual-violence/types-of-violence/family-domestic-violence">domestic violence</a>.</p> <p>Remaining in stage 2 (the flight-or-flight response), can lead to chronic stress. <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-chronic-stress-changes-the-brain-and-what-you-can-do-to-reverse-the-damage-133194">Chronic stress</a> and high cortisol can increase <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5476783/">inflammation</a>, which damages our brain and other organs.</p> <p>When you are stuck in chronic fight-or-flight mode, you don’t think clearly and are more easily distracted. Activities that provide temporary pleasure, such as eating junk food or drinking alcohol are <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/acer.14518">unhelpful strategies</a> that do not reduce the stress effects on our brain and body. Scrolling through social media is also not an effective way to complete the stress cycle. In fact, this is associated with an <a href="https://www.apa.org/monitor/2022/11/strain-media-overload">increased stress response</a>.</p> <h2>Stress and the brain</h2> <p>In the brain, chronic high cortisol can <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4561403/">shrink the hippocampus</a>. This can <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1557684/#:%7E:text=The%20hippocampal%20formation%20plays%20a,%2C%20memory%2C%20motivation%20and%20emotion.&amp;text=Therefore%2C%20reduced%20hippocampal%20volumes%20should,in%20patients%20with%20major%20depression">impair a person’s memory</a> and their capacity to think and concentrate.</p> <p>Chronic high cortisol also <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2907136/#:%7E:text=The%20prefrontal%20cortex%20(PFC)%20intelligently,brain%20regions%20(BOX%201).">reduces activity</a> in the prefrontal cortex but <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352289514000101">increases activity</a> in the amygdala.</p> <p>The prefrontal cortex is responsible for higher-order control of our thoughts, behaviours and emotions, and is <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2014.00761/full">goal-directed</a> and rational. The amygdala is involved in reflexive and emotional responses. Higher amygdala activity and lower prefrontal cortex activity explains why we are less rational and more emotional and reactive when we are stressed.</p> <p>There are five <a href="https://www.penguin.co.uk/articles/2019/03/complete-stress-cycle-emotional-exhaustion-burnout">types of activities</a> that can help our brains complete the stress cycle.</p> <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/eD1wliuHxHI?wmode=transparent&amp;start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe><figcaption><span class="caption">It can help to understand how the brain encounters stress.</span></figcaption></figure> <h2>1. Exercise – its own complete stress cycle</h2> <p>When we exercise we get a short-term spike in cortisol, followed by a <a href="https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/exercising-to-relax">healthy reduction</a> in cortisol and adrenaline.</p> <p>Exercise also <a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/exercise-and-stress/art-20044469#:%7E:text=Exercise%20in%20almost%20any%20form,distract%20you%20from%20daily%20worries.&amp;text=You%20know%20that%20exercise%20does,fit%20it%20into%20your%20routine.">increases endorphins and serotonin</a>, which improve mood. Endorphins cause an elated feeling often called “runner’s high” and have <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33396962/">anti-inflammatory effects</a>.</p> <p>When you exercise, there is more blood flow to the brain and <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6721405/">higher activity</a> in the prefrontal cortex. This is why you can often think more clearly after a walk or run. Exercise can be a helpful way to <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/heart-disease/exercise-stress-relief">relieve feelings of stress</a>.</p> <p>Exercise can also increase the <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3041121/">volume</a> of the <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4915811/">hippocampus</a>. This is linked to better short-term and long-term memory processing, as well as reduced stress, depression and anxiety.</p> <h2>2. Cognitive activities – reduce negative thinking</h2> <p>Overly negative thinking can trigger or extend the stress response. In our 2019 research, we found the relationship between stress and cortisol was <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6987429/">stronger in people with more negative thinking</a>.</p> <p>Higher amygdala activity and less rational thinking when you are stressed can lead to <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18628348/">distorted thinking</a> such as focusing on negatives and rigid “black-and-white” thinking.</p> <p>Activities to reduce negative thinking and promote a more realistic view can reduce the stress response. In clinical settings this is usually called <a href="https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/cognitive-behaviour-therapy-cbt">cognitive behaviour therapy</a>.</p> <p>At home, this could be journalling or writing down worries. This engages the logical and rational parts of our brain and helps us think more realistically. Finding evidence to challenge negative thoughts (“I’ve prepared well for the exam, so I can do my best”) can help to complete the stress cycle.</p> <h2>3. Getting creative – a pathway out of ‘flight or fight’</h2> <p>Creative activities can be art, craft, gardening, cooking or <a href="https://heartmindonline.org/resources/10-exercises-for-your-prefrontal-cortex">other activities</a> such as doing a puzzle, juggling, music, theatre, dancing or simply being absorbed in enjoyable work.</p> <p>Such pursuits increase <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2014.00761/full">prefrontal cortex activity</a> and promote flow and focus.</p> <p>Flow is a <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.645498/full">state of full engagement</a> in an activity you enjoy. It lowers high-stress levels of noradrenaline, the brain’s adrenaline. When you are focussed like this, the brain only processes information relevant to the task and ignores non-relevant information, including stresses.</p> <h2>4. Getting social and releasing feel-good hormones</h2> <p>Talking with someone else, physical affection with a person or pet and laughing can all <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-happens-in-our-brain-and-body-when-were-in-love-198885">increase oxytocin</a>. This is a chemical messenger in the brain that increases social bonding and makes us feel connected and safe.</p> <p>Laughing is also a social activity that <a href="https://neurosciencenews.com/laughter-physical-mental-psychology-17339/">activates parts</a> of the limbic system – the part of the brain involved in emotional and behavioural responses. This increases <a href="https://www.jneurosci.org/content/37/36/8581">endorphins</a> and <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27439375/">serotonin</a> and improves our mood.</p> <h2>5. Self-soothing</h2> <p>Breathing <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6189422/">exercises</a> and meditation stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system (which calms down our stress responses so we can “reset”) via the <a href="https://theconversation.com/our-vagus-nerves-help-us-rest-digest-and-restore-can-you-really-reset-them-to-feel-better-210469">vagus nerves</a>, and <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/17437199.2020.1760727">reduce cortisol</a>.</p> <p>A good <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4035568/#:%7E:text=We%20conclude%20that%2C%20in%20addition,self%2Dsoothing%20effects%20of%20crying.">cry can help too</a> by releasing stress energy and increasing oxytocin and endorphins.</p> <p><a href="https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319631#:%7E:text=Possible%20benefits%20of%20crying%20include,of%201.9%20times%20a%20month.">Emotional tears</a> also remove cortisol and the hormone prolactin from the body. Our prior research showed <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29096223/">cortisol</a> and <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9216608/">prolactin</a> were associated with depression, anxiety and hostility.<em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/theresa-larkin-952095">Theresa Larkin</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-wollongong-711">University of Wollongong</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/susan-j-thomas-1293985">Susan J. Thomas</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-wollongong-711">University of Wollongong</a></em></p> <h2>Action beats distraction</h2> <p>Whether it’s watching a funny or sad movie, exercising, journalling, gardening or doing a puzzle, there is science behind why you should complete the stress cycle.</p> <p>Doing at least one positive activity every day can also reduce our baseline stress level and is beneficial for good mental health and wellbeing.</p> <p>Importantly, chronic stress and <a href="https://theconversation.com/are-you-burnt-out-at-work-ask-yourself-these-4-questions-118128">burnout</a> can also indicate the need for change, <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/wps.20311">such as in our workplaces</a>. However, not all stressful circumstances can be easily changed. Remember help is always available.</p> <p>If you have concerns about your stress or health, please talk to a doctor.</p> <p><em>If this article has raised issues for you, or if you’re concerned about someone you know, call <a href="https://www.lifeline.org.au/">Lifeline</a> on 13 11 14 or <a href="https://kidshelpline.com.au/">Kids Helpline</a> on 1800 55 1800.</em><!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/218599/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/theresa-larkin-952095">Theresa Larkin</a>, Associate professor of Medical Sciences, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-wollongong-711">University of Wollongong</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/susan-j-thomas-1293985">Susan J. Thomas</a>, Associate professor in Mental Health and Behavioural Science, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-wollongong-711">University of Wollongong</a></em></p> <p><em>Image </em><em>credits: Getty Images </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/stuck-in-fight-or-flight-mode-5-ways-to-complete-the-stress-cycle-and-avoid-burnout-or-depression-218599">original article</a>.</em></p> </div>

Mind

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Pilot pitches in to free passenger stuck in plane bathroom

<p>A pilot has been forced to abandon his post at the cockpit to rescue a passenger trapped in the bathroom of a plane. </p> <p>While onboard a Delta Airlines flight from Salt Lake City to New Orleans, a father of two named Brent became stuck in the bathroom for 35 minutes during the short domestic flight. </p> <p>When it was discovered that Brent was not breaking out of the bathroom by himself, the cabin crew, including the pilot, stepped in to free the 34-year-old dad. </p> <p>After being refused a refund by the airline's customer service, Brent's dissatisfied partner shared a video of the moment the staff all rallied to heave the door open. </p> <p>Recounting the tale on Reddit, the woman suggested that her husband had fled to the bathroom to have a break from his two young kids. </p> <p>She wrote, "After 5 minutes, I wondered what was going on. Was he using this time as a much-needed break from my children’s whiney demands and frequent tantrums? I didn’t blame him."</p> <p>Brent's partner went on to explain that it wasn't until she heard another passenger say the word "stuck" did she realise her husband's predicament. </p> <p>She turned around to see two members of the crew yanking at the door to the rear cubicle as she watched on while she kept one eye on her young kids. </p> <p>The flight attendants enlisted the help of a male passenger who also failed to provide the magic touch, before the pilot emerged, 20 minutes into the ordeal, to have a go.</p> <p><iframe title="YouTube video player" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ZWOyr4J2OBo?si=FSdSkXFv4WlClKXB" width="560" height="315" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></p> <aside> <p>"It wasn't until Brent kicked the hell out of the door while the pilot was pulling as hard as possible that Brent finally made his escape," she wrote. </p> <p>Finishing off the post, the woman concluded that Delta asked her not to share the footage, filmed by another passenger who was closer to the end of the plane, but after not receiving a refund for their "terrible" journey, the mother decided to post them online. </p> <p>The post racked up hundreds of comments, with many people actually siding with the airline for not issuing a refund, suggesting that the author's response was not proportionate to what actually happened. </p> <p><em>Image credits: Reddit</em></p> </aside>

Travel Trouble

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Woman "stuck" in the body of a child reveals dating problems

<p>A woman who says she is "stuck" in the body of a child has revealed the extraordinary measures she must take in the dating world.</p> <p>Shauna Rae measures 1.16m in height, making her the average height of an 8-year-old.</p> <p>However, the US woman is actually 22 years of age, and had her growth stunted by chemotherapy when she was young.</p> <p>In an interview with <a rel="noopener" href="https://people.com/tv/tlcs-shauna-rae-recalls-when-she-stopped-growing-at-age-16/" target="_blank">People</a> ahead of the release of her upcoming TV show <em>I am Shauna Rae</em>, Shauna said he has to take extra precautions when it comes to her dating life.</p> <p><span>“I have to have in-person conversations before we even think about going on a date. I have to know how this person reacts in public areas,” she said.</span></p> <p><span>“I have to know if they’re going to be able to deal with all the issues I have, because I can’t date someone unless they can take all of that on. And it’s a lot to ask someone to take on.”</span></p> <p><span>Despite her best efforts to meet her soulmate, Shauna said her "romantic life sucks".</span></p> <p><span>“I think I’ve dated like seven people. I attract creeps, a-holes – you know the typical ‘bad boy picture’ situation – and idiots,” she said.</span></p> <p><span>In the trailer for her new series, Shauna is seen meeting a man for a blind date, with the man thinking he is being pranked when she shows up. </span></p> <p><span>When Shauna was just six-months-old, she was diagnosed with a rare form of brain cancer and underwent chemotherapy treatment. </span></p> <p>“My pituitary gland was rendered almost dormant because of the chemotherapy,” Shauna says in the trailer.</p> <p>“The doctor told me I was done growing. My bones were fused, and my height is three feet and 10 inches (1.16m).”</p> <p>Shauna admitted to People that when she stopped growing at age 16, the revelation was "like a hammer crashing into glass".</p> <p>“It was a very difficult time,” she said.</p> <p>“It probably was the lowest time of my life, because I always imagined that I would be tall.”</p> <p>After spending time devoted to "bettering" herself, Shauna has learned to look on the bright side of life, and has come to terms with her size.</p> <p><span>“Being positive is just the best advice I can give, because at the end of the day, the only person that controls how you feel is yourself,” she said.</span></p> <p><span>Check out the trailer for <em>I Am Shauna Rae</em> here. </span></p> <p><iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/s7In-KGxduU" title="YouTube video player" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></p> <p><em>Image credits: Youtube</em></p>

Relationships

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"Stuck for hours": Removal of stairs traps woman in her home

<p><em>Image: TikTok</em></p> <p>A woman was shocked to find the stairs for her apartment complex had been removed without warning, leaving her, and other tenants trapped inside. She shared her story on TikTok, shocking over 1.2 million people over the strange decision that left her “stuck for hours”.</p> <p>Olivia Crump thought it was just an ordinary morning, opening her door to start her day, however as she peered outside, she realised something was terribly wrong. The stairs were gone.</p> <p>Olivia lives on the third floor of her apartment building with no way to leave without climbing over the ledge. She grabbed her camera to film the incident, later posting it to TikTok where it went viral.</p> <p>Olivia said in the video: “When your apartment removes the stairs without warning and you’re stuck for hours.”</p> <p>She posted it alongside the song ‘hell to the no’ and comments were quickly encouraging Olivia to contact a fire marshall. In an interview with the<span> </span>Daily Dot, the TikToker explained that “it was impossible to get down without climbing over the ledge with a ladder or scaling the side with a decent drop below”.</p> <p>“My apartment complex didn’t notify any of the residents beforehand (and still hasn’t reached out since this happened),” she said.</p> <p>Olivia revealed that she and her neighbours were stuck for nearly four hours before a worker granted her permission to go down the unfinished steps.</p> <p>The TikToker shared that she called her neighbours and they too were unaware the stairs were being removed. Olivia wrote in reply to a comment, “these complexes run by huge housing companies just mess with people’s lives and get away with it because people need places to live”.</p> <p>Comments were filled with people sharing similar stories and encouraging Olivia to take action.</p> <p>“Definitely a fire hazard. They should have had everyone leave or made a temporary alternative route,” one user wrote.</p> <p>“Building Code, Fire and Lease Violations. Hefty, hefty fines,” another said.</p>

Travel Trouble

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Stuck at home with your partner?

<p>That’s what many older retired couples do too, even when there isn’t a pandemic. Their experiences are worth listening to, because many psychology studies find that marriages among the Medicare-eligible set are the happiest of any cohort across the life span.</p> <p>A review of the research reveals a U-shaped pattern of marital happiness over the life cycle. Early marriage features many positive aspects interlaced with a lot of conflict, while older couples enjoy the highest levels of companionship with low levels of conflict. Midlife couples who are raising children are at the bottom of the U. They tend to see a plunge in their enjoyment of one another, along with an uptick in fighting.</p> <p>Of course, you might wish you could be securely retired with a partner right now, especially if you’re currently on your own. Working remotely or facing unemployment while running a one-room schoolhouse, planning three meals a day without running out of food and worrying about your family’s health makes retirement look like a dreamy vacation.</p> <p>But there are some important similarities between retirement and the isolation required by social distancing. Your social networks have shrunk. Without work connections and friends to meet for lunch or at the gym, a partner becomes more essential than ever. As a therapist who has been treating couples at all stages of life for almost three decades, I’m currently witnessing the relational challenges of this pandemic, a big magnifier that can bring out the very best and sometimes the worst in relationships.</p> <p><strong>Lean on me</strong></p> <p>Older, retired couples primarily focus on supporting one another: Can I depend on you when I need help, feel scared, worry about dying or don’t feel well? And am I willing to be that source of comfort and stability when you need me?</p> <p>No matter the age or stage of the couple, the current pandemic has revealed the need for much more mutual dependency. Can I count on you to protect yourself and us when you go to the grocery store? If I’m feeling scared about my parents’ health or mine, can I tell you? If teaching algebra (a subject I struggled with the first time around) to our children has pushed me to the breaking point, can I ask you to take over, kindly and with no eye-rolling?</p> <p>Now is an ideal time to develop your help-asking muscle and, in turn, to welcome your partner’s vulnerability. You can practice now for the years ahead when you’ll need to be comfortable with more mutual dependency – being able to count on and be counted on in moments of need and frailty.</p> <p><strong>Have fewer, kinder fights</strong></p> <p>My colleague, psychiatrist Bob Waldinger, brings octogenarian couples into his laboratory to study their conflicts. He told me that he often has trouble getting them to reenact a fight. Having had the same fights for decades, these older couples are quite bored at the prospect of another round. They already know the other one’s lines. Do we have to do this again?</p> <p>When older couples do fight, they tend to handle conflict better than younger ones: They are more likely to interject expressions of affection and are less prone to voicing disgust, belligerence and whining. Because the relationship is so central, they may be more likely to forgive their partners or let a grievance slide.</p> <p>So, try to catch a fight as it starts and consider saying to your partner, “Can we talk about something more interesting? We probably already know how this is going to unfold.”</p> <p>Or, if the conflict is important to air, try to remember that you can say something kind without surrendering, or give a warm nonverbal smile or touch.</p> <p>It’s also a good idea to refrain from making any contemptuous or nasty comments. Couples researchers recommend following the “magic ratio” of 5 to 1 during a fight to secure a stable relationship: Try to say five positive things to every one zinger or negative comment. This ratio, which may seem outlandish, is based on the fact that negative interactions carry more weight than positive ones.</p> <p><strong>Focus on the present reality</strong></p> <p>Studies suggest that older couples focus on the present and are better able to accept the relationship as it is, rather than looking ahead to a time when it is going to be transformed.</p> <p>While they may not discuss their own mortality, older couples’ perspectives are shaped by a shorter time horizon. They typically pay more attention to positive experiences, want to understand their emotions better and focus on a smaller group of close friends and family.</p> <p>Try focusing on what is good about your relationship. What do you admire and feel grateful for? If you focus on the ways your partner is supportive, research shows that both you and your spouse will feel better about the relationship. Focusing on emotion will not be hard during a pandemic that elicits powerful feelings of anger, fear, worry, grief, love and gratitude. What can you learn about your partner that you didn’t know before about his or her strengths, ways of coping and cracks in that coping?</p> <p>Being stuck with your partner 24/7 may leave you pondering the expression “for better or worse, but not for breakfast, lunch and dinner.” But you may come out the other side with some new skills. You don’t have to wait for retirement to have a stronger relationship.</p> <p><em>Written by Misha Ketchell. This article first appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/stuck-at-home-with-your-partner-look-to-retirees-for-how-to-make-it-work-134834">The Conversation</a>.</em></p>

Relationships

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5 tips for communicating with your partner while stuck at home

<p>Many of us are several weeks into stay-at-home directives from our governments and health officials. For many, social distancing means sharing a confined space with romantic partners while navigating new stressful issues including sudden unemployment, working from home, child care and the never ceasing uncertainty.</p> <p>Unsurprisingly, there are reports of <a href="https://thehill.com/homenews/news/490564-divorces-skyrocket-in-china-amid-lockdown">divorce rates skyrocketing in China</a> since the outbreak of COVID-19. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0000227">Instability and stress can exacerbate insecurities and increase conflict for couples</a>. As a scholar and a couple and family therapist, I offer five practical, evidence-based tips for couples when being stuck at home is making you feel stuck in your relationship.</p> <p><strong>1. Take space</strong></p> <p>Sharing a physical space with your partner for extended periods of time can increase pressure and stress. Without the daily routine of leaving the home, your space may begin to feel very small and irritation with one another may escalate quickly.</p> <p><a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167217733073">Research demonstrates that actively choosing to take alone time can contribute to relaxation and reduced stress</a>. Consider taking regular blocks of alone time each day, whether it is a walk around the neighbourhood, closing the door to a room where you will not be disturbed or engaging in an activity that is just for you.</p> <p>Communicating how you plan to take space will help your partner know how to support your efforts, and will encourage them to do the same. If you’re not taking care of yourself, you will have little to offer your partner.</p> <p><strong>2. Where possible, use “I” statements</strong></p> <p>When you need to tell your partner how you feel, try to speak from your perspective as opposed to accusing them of doing something wrong. For example, “I feel really defeated when I continue to find dirty dishes in the sink. Is there any way you can help me keep the kitchen clean?”</p> <p><a href="https://doi.org/10.7717/peerj.4831">Using “I” language has been found to reduce perceptions of hostility and anger</a>. “I” statements can help your partner hear your perspective instead of interpreting it as an attack and becoming defensive.</p> <p><strong>3. Press pause</strong></p> <p>Press pause on conflicts that are not going anywhere and set a time to try again later. When conflicts become heated, many couples enter into an automatic “<a href="https://wwnorton.com/books/Emotional-Intelligence-in-Couples-Therapy">fight, flight or freeze</a>” response.</p> <p>Our brains can experience conflict as a threat, and emotions and defences can become activated. When this happens we shut down and conflict resolution becomes impossible. If you notice you or your partner getting angry or distressed in a conflict, request to put the conversation on pause to give you both a chance to step back, breathe and think.</p> <p>Once stress levels are lower, <a href="https://www.wiley.com/en-ca/The+Handbook+of+Conflict+Resolution:+Theory+and+Practice,+3rd+Edition-p-9781118526866">complex thinking, reflection and reasoning become possible</a>. Set an agreed upon time to return to the discussion when you’re both awake, nourished and feeling more calm.</p> <p><strong>4. What’s your part?</strong></p> <p>If you find yourself continuing to get stuck in conflict with your partner, ask yourself, what part do I play in this conflict? Do I nag or pursue my partner when I am feeling anxious? Or, do I have a tendency to shut down, or avoid my partner when I am feeling pressured?</p> <p>Emotionally focused therapist and researcher Sue Johnson, has found that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/clipsy.6.4.366">couples often get stuck in problematic interaction cycles</a>. Considering what role you take in a conflict cycle can help you try out new positions.</p> <p>For example, what happens when you respond to your partner’s anxiety with compassion as opposed to feeling annoyed and walking away? What happens when you share your worries with your partner, instead of getting angry at them for not taking the garbage out, or not helping enough with child care?</p> <p>Couples who are able to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s10879-006-9034-9">adopt new positions in their relationship and try new ways of responding are more able to interrupt problematic interaction cycles</a>.</p> <p><strong>5. Acknowledge strengths</strong></p> <p>Try to acknowledge one another’s strengths. What special skills does your partner have to get through hard times? If your partner is the one making home school schedules for the kids, or braving the grocery store while you work, let them know they are appreciated and compliment their ability to handle difficult situations.</p> <p>Note what strengths they have that you admire. As <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/pas0000464">recent research demonstrated</a>, greater appreciation for one’s partner’s strengths predicted increased relationship satisfaction and intimacy. Acknowledging your partner’s positive attributes creates more good feelings between you.</p> <p>While these tips will help you mitigate conflict in your relationship, remember to not expect perfection. These are stressful times, and you will inevitably lose your patience and experience frustration. Compassion for yourself and your partner will go a long way as you navigate these uncharted waters together.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/135638/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/kara-fletcher-1019443">Kara Fletcher</a>, Assistant Professor, Faculty of Social Work, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-regina-3498">University of Regina</a></em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/love-in-the-time-of-coronavirus-5-tips-for-communicating-with-your-partner-while-stuck-at-home-135638">original article</a>.</em></p>

Relationships

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Cruise from hell: Passengers stuck in cabins as violence breaks out

<p>Passengers on a 10-day cruise in the South Pacific found themselves stuck in their cabins as violence erupted onboard, turning the holiday of a lifetime into the cruise from hell.</p> <p><a href="https://www.9news.com.au/" target="_blank"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>Nine News reports</strong></em></span></a> two groups were behind the ongoing violence on the Carnival Legend, with threats made to stab passengers and throw them overboard.</p> <p>Passengers aboard Carnival Cruise Line’s Carnival Legend said there was ongoing violence between two groups, with threats made to stab and throw people overboard.</p> <p>"We are so scared after witnessing a traumatic experience with yet again the same offenders. It was a bloodbath."</p> <p>"We will not be leaving our cabins and are truly scared for our safety and what could happen in the next," a passenger told 9News.</p> <p>The ship’s operator Carnival Cruise Line was quick to hose down the situation, issuing a statement that said, "The vast majority of the guests onboard Carnival Legend are enjoying their 10-day cruise holiday to the South Pacific."</p> <p>"The ship's highly trained security staff have engaged with a small group of disruptive guests and ensured that they are fully aware of and are compliant with our zero tolerance policy."</p> <p>The ship is set to return to Melbourne tomorrow, and it will be interesting to get the full story from passengers once it’s back in dock.</p> <p>What are your thoughts? Have you ever had a bizarre incident at sea? </p>

Travel Trouble

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How to reboot when you’re feeling stuck

<p>It’s hard not to take stock of our lives at the beginning of a new year. Often we realise that nothing much has changed over the last 12 months. Perhaps you’re still struggling to get over an illness or bereavement or trying to salvage a relationship. Maybe you’ve still not settled into retirement, or are bored with your job. It’s time to reboot…</p> <p><strong>1. What do you want to change?</strong></p> <p>Human behavioural specialist Dr John F. Demartini, best-selling author of ‘<em>The Breakthrough Experience’</em>, says people fall into ruts whenever their daily actions are not aligned to their highest values.</p> <p>“A rut is a by-product of not giving yourself permission to go after what you love in your life. The result is feeling trapped in something that is not meaningful,” he says.</p> <p>When daily actions are aligned and the reason you’re getting up in the morning is to do something that will get you where you want to be in life, he says, we wake up bright-eyed and bushy tailed.</p> <p>Dr Demartini suggests you list your top four or five values. “For example, ask yourself what energises rather than drains you at work or home? What do you always find money to do? In social settings, what do you most commonly talk about? What are the top three goals you can't wait to achieve?”</p> <p><strong>2. Learn from the past</strong></p> <p>While it’s unhealthy to dwell in the past and beat yourself up about bad decisions you’ve made, looking back over what hasn’t worked for you can often help you identify what might work for you in the future. For example if there is tension in your relationship, have you been burying your head in the sand and it’s not getting any better? Then perhaps now is the time to decide on a course of action. If you went for a new job and didn’t get it, where did you let yourself down, and what can you do differently next time? Be honest, have you been wallowing in your rut and just sinking deeper and deeper? Then haul yourself up and see how being more positive might make you feel.</p> <p>Writer Peg Streep calls this ‘counterfactual thinking’: “In any situation, the question ‘What might I have done?’ prompts a new and empowering resolve that when X happens (or doesn’t happen), I will do Y.”</p> <p><strong>3. Be SMART</strong></p> <p>In your professional life, you may well have come across SMART goals in your performance appraisals, and you can apply the same theory to your personal life. Set goals that are Specific, Measureable, Attainable, Realistic and Time-bound. So, rather than your goal being: ‘This year I’m going to fall in love’, you might decide you’re going to join an online dating website, ask friends to set you up or join in some new activities to meet new people. You can measure it by how many dates you have. Be realistic- for example one date a month. Or rather than deciding you’re going to win the lotto, decide to get your finances in order and budget for a ticket a week. Rather than decide to lose half your body weight, aim to lose a kilo a week and set out how you’re going to do it.</p> <p>Don’t expect a quick-fix. Break down what you want to achieve into bite-sized, achievable goals. Every goal you meet, you’ll feel more and more motivated to see it to its conclusion.</p>

Mind

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The middle seat you don’t want to be stuck in

<p>Aircraft manufacturer Airbus has released details of its new mega-jumbo – the A380plus – which has the capacity to fit another 80-passengers.</p> <p>The A380plus is also four per cent more fuel-efficient than the current model with more aerodynamic features, including larger winglets measuring 4.7 metres from top to bottom to reduce drag.</p> <p>But it’s the optimised cabin layout that has been a talking point. With the layout allowing up to 80 additional seats, including an extra 23 in economy in a 3-5-3 seat format.</p> <p>That’s one middle seat you don’t want to be stuck in.</p> <p>Premium Economy will squeeze another 11 passengers into the cabin.</p> <p>The additional capacity means the A380plus can carry 575 passengers in four cabins, compared with 497 in the current model – and of course, generate more revenue.</p> <p>Airbus Chief Operating Officer for Customers, John Leahy, said the aircraft was more efficient and had better maintenance checks.</p> <p> “The A380plus is an efficient way to offer even better economics, and improved operational performance at the same time,” said Mr Leahy.</p> <p>“It is a new step for our iconic aircraft to best serve worldwide fast-growing traffic and the evolving needs of the A380 customers.</p> <p>“The A380 is well proven as the solution to increasing congestion at large airports and in offering a unique, passenger-preferred experience.”</p> <p>The aircraft is expected to enter service in 2018.</p>

International Travel

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Family tormented by alarm clock stuck in wall for 13 years

<p>A US family has been tormented by their alarm clock for decades, forced to listen to the ring at the same time every day for the past 13 years.</p> <p>You see the alarm clock is wedge inside the wall of Jerry Lynn’s home in Ross Township, north of Pittsburgh, in Pennsylvania.</p> <p>So how did the bizarre set of circumstances occur in the first place?</p> <p>Jerry admitted to <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="http://pittsburgh.cbslocal.com/2017/06/15/stuck-alarm-clock-13-years/" target="_blank">CBS Pittsburgh</a></strong></span> he’s the reason the alarm clock is in the wall.</p> <p>Back in 2004, he wanted to drill a hole in the wall in the bottom storey of his home for a TV cable. But he wasn’t sure where to drill so he came up with the idea to tie an alarm clock to a string and lower it through an air vent on the second storey and let the ring guide him.</p> <p><img width="499" height="375" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/38462/jerry_499x375.jpg" alt="Jerry"/></p> <p>Setting the alarm for 10 minutes, Jerry lowered the alarm clock but it fell into the wall.</p> <p>“All of I sudden I heard it go thunk as it went loose and I thought ‘well that’s not a real problem, it’s still going to go off and it did,” he said.</p> <p>As the alarm clock had fallen from the string, Jerry couldn’t pull it back up. He thought he would just let it ring until it ran out of battery.</p> <p>“That was September 2004,” he said.</p> <p>“It is still going off every day. In daylight savings it goes off 10 minutes to eight every night and during regular standard time, 10 minutes to seven,” he told CBS.</p> <p>While you’d think that the daily dings would be enough to drive someone crazy, Jerry’s family is so used to the ring it doesn’t faze them at all anymore, but it does surprise their house guests.</p> <p>“It starts as a soft beep, beep, beep, beep, beep and it gets more louder and closer together and you get people saying ‘what is that?’,” Jerry’s wife said.</p>

Home & Garden

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Man stops traffic to help a swan get back home

<p>There are many things you might expect to see during peak hour, but a swan on the road probably isn’t one of them. So, when Jack McGrath spotted the bird stuck on a bridge in Limerick, Ireland, he was understandably perplexed.</p> <p>McGrath quickly contacted Limerick Animal Welfare, who advised him on how to remove the swan from its sticky situation. He stopped traffic to help the swan cross the road, then guided it down a flight of stairs and back into the river.</p> <div id="fb-root"></div> <div class="fb-post" data-href="https://www.facebook.com/212914858726221/posts/1554578301226530" data-width="500"> <div class="fb-xfbml-parse-ignore"> <blockquote> <p>Jack give us a call yesterday to say a swan was on the bridge and what could be done to help. After getting some information on the condition of the swan we talked to Jack about the possibility of either lifting or guiding the swan to the slipway and back to the safety of the water. Jack realised we were 25 miles away and the swan was in danger for traffic so he guided the swan to safety and made sure traffic stopped to allow the bird to cross the street. It took time but as you can see from the photos taken by Deirdre Power, this gentleman successfully returned the swan back onto the river. Our sincere thanks to you Jack. You did yourself and Animal Welfare proud and most of all you helped a bird in need when we could not be there. Photos by Deirdre Power 👏👏🕊🕊👏👏</p> Posted by <a href="https://www.facebook.com/212914858726221">Limerick Animal Welfare</a> on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=1554578301226530&amp;id=212914858726221">Sunday, 12 February 2017</a></blockquote> </div> </div> <p>McGrath’s act of kindness has earned him thousands of likes and almost 600 shares – not to mention a story that will stay with him for years to come.</p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><a href="/news/news/2017/02/distracted-beagle-steals-hearts-at-westminster-dog-show/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>Adorably distracted beagle steals hearts at Westminster Dog Show</strong></em></span></a></p> <p><a href="/news/news/2017/02/cheeky-pigeon-gets-free-ride-and-lunch-on-the-tube/"><em><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong>Cheeky pigeon gets free ride (and lunch) on the tube</strong></span></em></a></p> <p><a href="/news/news/2017/02/millie-the-wombat-enjoys-much-needed-sprinkler-bath/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>Millie the wombat enjoys much-needed sprinkler bath</strong></em></span></a></p>

News

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Musicians serenade passengers stuck on a plane for six hours

<p>Being stuck in an aeroplane cabin is a tricky situation. Not only are you dealing with an incubator of stress and anxiety, but it can be incredibly boring. However, for one lucky flight grounded in Chicago, the experience was a rather pleasant one.</p> <p>Frustrated airline passengers were treated to an impromptu concert by a Haitian band while they were stuck on a plane for six hours.</p> <p>Lakou Mizik is a collection of multi-cultural musicians who formed a band in the wake the earthquakes in Haiti, and were touring North America. According to their <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://www.facebook.com/LakouMizik/" target="_blank">Facebook page</a></strong></span>, Lakou Mizik blends "Troubadou, Vodou, Rara and Rap into a deeply danceable bouyon of modern roots music." </p> <p>The result is quite a lively, yet authentically tropical beat. The video is sure to put a smile on your face.</p> <p>What's the kookiest thing that's ever happened to you on a plane? Let us kow in the comments below. </p> <p><strong>Related inks:</strong></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="/travel/international-travel/2016/07/how-different-countries-value-punctuality/"><em>How different countries value punctuality</em></a></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="/travel/international-travel/2016/07/my-hitch-future-of-hands-free-luggage/"><em>Is this wacky accessory the future of hands-free luggage?</em></a></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="/travel/international-travel/2016/07/10-pictures-from-secret-english-villages/">10 pictures from secret English villages</a></em></strong></span></p>

News

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Tips to survive being stuck in the middle seat

<p>On a long haul flight, being stuck in the middle seat is about as much fun as realising the cabin crew are out of peanuts.</p> <p>Here are some clever ways you can survive being lost in the middle seat without having to sacrifice too much comfort.</p> <p><strong>1. Assume priority armrest placement</strong></p> <p>Armrest etiquette is difficult on planes, but it’s pretty safe to say that on longer economy flights the person in the middle seat should have priority placement. You’re going to be going through the most on this flight, so make sure you grit your teeth and just bear it in the middle seat.</p> <p><strong>2. Go before you go</strong></p> <p>If you’ve got a flight that isn’t too long and you think you want to avoid going to the toilet too much make sure you take the opportunity to go to the bathroom before you head on your flight. Otherwise the interruption won’t make you too many friends in the air.</p> <p><strong>3. Hide yourself in plain sight</strong></p> <p>The middle seat leaves you open to conversations on both friends which can be great if you’d like a long chat but annoying if you’d just like to get through your flight. To avoid this, employ some products like eye masks, books, magazines and iPod earphones to avoid invasiveness.</p> <p><strong>4. Lighten your carry-on load</strong></p> <p>Try to make as much space for yourself as possible. If you are already checking bags, consider cramming as much of your possession into these as possible. Nothing takes away your space in the middle seat as a bunch of carry-on luggage, and your offsiders will appreciate it!</p> <p><strong>5. Take a deep breath and accept it</strong></p> <p>In the end of the day there’s only so much you can do to make yourself comfortable in the middle seat so if you accept early on that it’s not going to be fun, easy or comfortable you can make the best of it. And remember, before you know it you’ll have two feet on the ground.</p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="/travel/domestic-travel/2016/02/great-tourism-australian-travel-photos/"></a></span></strong></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/travel/international/2015/12/shibuya-pedestrian-crossing-japan/">The busiest pedestrian crossing in the world</a></em></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="/travel/domestic-travel/2016/02/great-tourism-australian-travel-photos/"></a></em></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/travel/international/2016/01/10-most-amazing-man-made-structures/">10 most amazing man-made structures</a></em></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="/travel/domestic-travel/2016/02/great-tourism-australian-travel-photos/"></a></em></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/travel/international/2016/01/odd-and-amazing-toilets-from-around-the-world/">12 odd (but amazing) toilets from around the world</a></em></strong></span></p>

Travel Tips

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Cop saves terrified sloth stuck on highway

<p>Why did the sloth cross the road? We may never know as one poor sloth in Quevedo, Ecuador never made it to his final destination. He was rescued from the middle of a busy highway road by the police, who posted the pictures of the rescue mission on their Facebook page.</p> <p>And as you can tell from the smile from the sloth’s face, it seems the cops arrived just in time!</p> <p><img width="456" height="581" src="http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/police-rescue-sloth-cross-highway-ecuador-1.jpg" alt="police-rescue-sloth-cross-highway-ecuador-1" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-377442" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"/></p> <p><strong>Related links: </strong></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/01/best-advice-ever-received-video/">People aged 5 to 105 reveal the best advice they’ve ever received</a></em></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/family-pets/2016/01/photos-of-animals-hitchhiking/">Hilarious photos of animals hitchhiking</a></em></strong></span></p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><em><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/family-pets/2015/12/cheap-school-holiday-activities/">30 cheap – or free – holiday activities to do with grandkids</a></em></strong></span></p>

News