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Not all mourning happens after bereavement – for some, grief can start years before the death of a loved one

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lisa-graham-wisener-1247893">Lisa Graham-Wisener</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/queens-university-belfast-687">Queen's University Belfast</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/audrey-roulston-1512057">Audrey Roulston</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/queens-university-belfast-687">Queen's University Belfast</a></em></p> <p>For many people, grief starts not at the point of death, but from the moment a loved one is diagnosed with a life-limiting illness.</p> <p>Whether it’s the diagnosis of an advanced cancer or a non-malignant condition such as dementia, heart failure or Parkinson’s disease, the psychological and emotional process of grief can begin many months or even years before the person dies. This experience of mourning a future loss is known as <a href="https://link.springer.com/referenceworkentry/10.1007/978-3-319-69892-2_1006-1">anticipatory grief</a>.</p> <p>While not experienced by everyone, anticipatory grief is a <a href="https://spcare.bmj.com/content/bmjspcare/early/2022/02/10/bmjspcare-2021-003338.full.pdf?casa_token=IWNMDFN5SoIAAAAA:2EybwyPcKu73VdrACTNk7jITor-mMIXK8rv76arXgdjV9cA2Y0MV0LyZLLwcYe1rZUAQymOzFYo">common</a> part of the grieving process and can include a range of conflicting, often difficult thoughts and emotions. For example, as well as feelings of loss, some people can experience guilt from wanting their loved one to be free of pain, or imagining what life will be like after they die.</p> <h2>Difficult to define, distressing to experience</h2> <p>Anticipatory grief has proved <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/02692163221074540#bibr13-02692163221074540">challenging to define</a>. A <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/02692163221074540#bibr13-02692163221074540">systematic review</a> of research studies on anticipatory grief identified over 30 different descriptions of pre-death grief. This lack of consensus has limited research progress, because there’s no shared understanding of how to identify anticipatory grief.</p> <p>Therese Rando, a <a href="https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/edit/10.4324/9781315800806-9/grief-mourning-accommodating-loss-therese-rando">prominent theorist</a>, has proposed that anticipatory grief can help prepare for death, contributing to a more positive grieving experience post-bereavement. Rando also suggests that pre-death mourning can aid with adjustment to the loss of a loved one and reduce the risk of <a href="https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/effects-of-grief/complicated-grief/">“complicated grief”</a>, a term that describes persistent and debilitating emotional distress.</p> <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/AapGn60DZSA?wmode=transparent&amp;start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></figure> <p>But pre-death mourning doesn’t necessarily mean grief will be easier to work through once a loved one has died. Other <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0277953621005724?casa_token=I9mbdSv3d3gAAAAA:MqxN5X_iWbcqa6BYj7IXmImUviheOQWAVA4UBy6795UDuS1uOHG9b245qMkyOiLcvjv_SU6yVA">research evidence</a> shows that it’s possible to experience severe anticipatory grief yet remain unprepared for death.</p> <h2>Carers should seek support</h2> <p>Carers of people with life-limiting illnesses may notice distressing changes in the health of their loved ones. Witnessing close-up someone’s deterioration and decline in independence, memory or ability to perform routine daily tasks, such as personal care, is a painful experience.</p> <p>It is essential, then, for carers to acknowledge difficult emotions and seek support from those around them – especially because caring for a loved one at the end of their life <a href="https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helping-someone-else/carers-friends-family-coping-support/your-mental-health/">can be an isolating time</a>.</p> <p>Where possible, it can also be beneficial for carers to offer their loved one <a href="https://compassionatecommunitiesni.com/our-programs/dying-to-talk/">opportunities to reflect</a> on significant life events, attend to unfinished business, and to discuss preferences for funeral arrangements. For some, this may involve supporting loved ones to reconnect with friends and family, helping them to put legal or financial affairs in order, talking about how the illness is affecting them, or making an <a href="https://www.england.nhs.uk/publication/universal-principles-for-advance-care-planning/">advance care plan</a>.</p> <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/wrJaTXW1Xvk?wmode=transparent&amp;start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></figure> <h2>Talking is key</h2> <p>Living with altered family dynamics, multiple losses, transition and uncertainty can be <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/07481187.2021.1998935">distressing for all family members</a>. It may be difficult to manage the emotional strain of knowing death is unavoidable, to make sense of the situation, and to <a href="https://hospicefoundation.ie/i-need-help/i-am-seriously-ill/how-to-talk-to-those-you-care-about/">talk about dying</a>.</p> <p>However, talking is key in <a href="https://www.cruse.org.uk/about/blog/important-conversations-death/">preparing for an impending death</a>. Organisations who offer specialist palliative care have information and trained professionals to help with difficult conversations, including <a href="https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/diagnosed/talking-children/children">talking to children</a> about death and dying.</p> <p>Navigating anticipatory grief can involve self-compassion for both the patient and carer. This includes acknowledging difficult emotions and treating oneself with kindness. Open communication with the person nearing the end of their life can foster emotional connection and help address their concerns, alongside support from the wider circle of family and friends.</p> <p>Extending empathy and understanding to those nearing death – and those grieving their impending loss – will help contribute to a compassionate community that supports those experiencing death, dying and bereavement.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/221629/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lisa-graham-wisener-1247893">Lisa Graham-Wisener</a>, Lecturer of Health Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/queens-university-belfast-687">Queen's University Belfast</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/audrey-roulston-1512057">Audrey Roulston</a>, Professor of Social Work in Palliative Care, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/queens-university-belfast-687">Queen's University Belfast</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/not-all-mourning-happens-after-bereavement-for-some-grief-can-start-years-before-the-death-of-a-loved-one-221629">original article</a>.</em></p>

Caring

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Backlash after airline starts weighing passengers

<p>Finnair has announced that they will start weighing passengers and their luggage, as part of their latest data collection. </p> <p>The flagship airline for Finland has copped some backlash following this move, which they claim is designed to improve balance calculations which will enhance flight safety, according to the<em> NY Post</em>. </p> <p>“Finnair will collect data by weighing volunteering customers and their carry-on baggage at the departure gate,” according to a statement from the company. </p> <p>“The weighing is voluntary and anonymous, and the data will only be used to optimise Finnair’s current aircraft balance calculations.”</p> <p>The airline said that weighing passengers would help ensure that they wouldn't exceed the set maximum weight that a plane can bear before take off. </p> <p>“We use the weighing data for the average calculations required for the safe operation of flights, and the collected data is not linked in any way to the customer’s personal data,” head of Finnair’s ground processes, Satu Munnukka said. </p> <p>Munnukka also said that the airline won't ask for the passengers name or booking number. </p> <p>Many were left shocked by the move taking to X, formerly known as Twitter, to voice their fury. </p> <p>“#Finair are to start weighing their passengers? Have I read that correctly? I am utterly shocked! And disgusted,” wrote one person. </p> <p>“I will not be travelling via @Finair as I won’t be #fatshamed by a bloody airline. Am I alone? (ie I never weight myself: my choice)" another person tweeted. </p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> <p dir="ltr" lang="en">What do you make of this one then?</p> <p>An airline has announced it will begin weighing passengers with their carry-on luggage in order to better estimate the plane's weight before take-off.</p> <p>The controversial move comes from Finnish carrier Finnair, who told media they began… <a href="https://t.co/EqEyTQXROG">pic.twitter.com/EqEyTQXROG</a></p> <p>— Darren Grimes (@darrengrimes_) <a href="https://twitter.com/darrengrimes_/status/1755276929853231333?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 7, 2024</a></p></blockquote> <p>This comes after Air New Zealand announced that they too will weigh passengers travelling internationally in May last year. </p> <p>“We weigh everything that goes on the aircraft – from the cargo to the meals on-board, to the luggage in the hold,” Alastair James, Air New Zealand load control improvement specialist, said at the time. </p> <p>“For customers, crew and cabin bags, we use average weights, which we get from doing this survey.”</p> <p>Finnair joins Korean Air, Hawaiian Air, Uzbekistan Airways and Air New Zealand in the group of airlines that are weighing their customers. </p> <p><em>Image: Getty/ X</em></p> <p> </p>

Travel Trouble

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The power of positivity: Starting the year with a positive mindset

<p>As we step into the New Year, many of us are hitting the reset button and focusing enthusiastically on achieving our resolutions. By harnessing this welcome surge in positivity, we can begin to direct our attention towards tackling our goals and embracing a shift in mindset, even after the glitter on New Year’s has settled. But how can we achieve this? Jacqui Manning, the resident psychologist at Connected Women, a female-founded organisation dedicated to cultivating friendships in women in their midlife, shares her tips on how to foster a more positive mindset, year-round. </p> <p>“Developing a positive mindset is all about being intentional, and it begins with a good routine. Carving out time within your week for activities that fill your cup and encourage a more optimistic outlook is key to embracing age with positivity,” Jacqui says. </p> <p>“Set realistic expectations – if you have a New Year’s resolution to make more time for yourself, pencilling time in the diary for self-care is going to be essential. Or, if your goal is to build new connections this year, be sure to set time aside at least once a week for networking. Whether it’s joining a local tennis club, attending a community event, or simply striking up a conversation at your local café, enriching your social circle can bring new perspectives, enhance feelings of optimism, and boost overall well-being,” Jacqui explains. </p> <p><strong>Don’t skimp on self-care!</strong></p> <p>Self-care involves dedicating the time to engage in activities that help to enhance overall well-being. As we age, it becomes increasingly important to develop an adequate self-care routine to support both our mental and physical health.   </p> <p>“Remember that taking time for yourself is essential. Small indulgences such as enjoying a quiet evening at home, book in hand, or heading outside for a leisurely evening stroll can quiet the mind and recharge your emotional batteries.”</p> <p>“As the year progresses, our self-care practices can tend to fall by the wayside. It’s essential to invest in ourselves, which includes prioritising sleep, regular exercise, remaining engaged in hobbies or preferred activities, and maintaining social connections,” Jacqui says. </p> <p>“Dedicating time for yourself helps to create the space necessary to support mental recharge. Goal setting, implementing boundaries to avoid overwhelm, or integrating wellness practices like meditation or mindfulness exercises act as stress-relievers and boost energy levels,” Jacqui explains. </p> <p><strong>Cultivating your crew</strong></p> <p>Research suggests that our social circle holds a meaningful influence over our mood and disposition. Friends have been found to act as a buffer against ageing, positively supporting both our health and overall cognitive function. </p> <p>“The first step to finding friendship is assessing – how supported do you feel within your relationships? Remember, friends exert significant influence over our feelings and behaviours, so finding a tribe that fulfils your emotional needs is essential,” Jacqui explains. </p> <p>“Nurturing successful relationships begins with finding individuals with shared values and interests. Actively engaging in open conversation is a magnet for developing authentic and emotionally fulfilling connections with others.” </p> <p>“Be open-minded – discussing topics like hobbies, future goals, anxieties, and challenges can encourage openness and conceive opportunities to offer support to one another. Openness also lays the foundations for more meaningful friendships to blossom,” Jacqui says. </p> <p>Friendships in adulthood are well worth the investment, and curating your immediate network could be the masterstroke in ageing with positivity (and boosts overall health and cognitive function to boot!). </p> <p>If forming new bonds heads up your list of New Year's resolutions, then joining a vibrant community group like Connected Women could be the ideal place to start. </p> <p><strong>Practice positive self-talk</strong></p> <p>Take a few minutes each day to reflect on the aspects of life that you’re grateful for – whether that be your health, family, friendships, or a stellar career. By focusing on the positive, it encourages a mental shift away from the negative and toward a more optimistic outlook on life (and age for that matter!). </p> <p>“Practicing techniques such as meditation, gentle movement, and journaling regularly can help to cultivate a more relaxed mind, boost serotonin levels in the brain, and decrease feelings of anxiety or depression,” Jacqui says. </p> <p>Jacqui suggests another technique for fostering a mental shift is to incorporate regular gratitude practices.</p> <p>“Reflecting on and recording the things you’re thankful for can be a valuable outlet. Expressing gratitude regularly serves as a reminder of the positive aspects in your current life and can be a useful tool on low days,” Jacqui says. </p> <p>By incorporating these tips, not only will you be working to foster a more optimistic mindset year-round, but you’ll also be laying the groundwork to build and nurture more meaningful relationships with others. </p> <p><em><strong>For more information visit <a href="https://www.connectedwomen.net" target="_blank" rel="noopener">connectedwomen.net</a> </strong></em></p> <p><em><strong>About Connected Women </strong></em></p> <p><em><strong>Jacqui Manning is the resident psychologist at Connected Women, bringing with her over two decades of experience. Founded in 2022, Connected Women facilitates friendships for women over 50 through a range of online and in-person events. With the rising epidemic of loneliness impacting Australians now more than ever - Connected Women aims to provide a community in which women can feel free to be themselves, connect with like-minded women and build life-long friendships. Launched in Perth, Western Australia, Connected Women now also operates in NSW and Victoria, with plans to grow its network to QLD, ACT and SA in the coming year. With a small monthly membership fee, women can join Connected Women events, share and connect over areas of interest, and connect with women in their local areas to arrange meet ups. Whether members prefer big events with lots of action and adventure, or quiet meet ups and walks around the local neighbourhood, Connected Women is committed to providing a safe and inclusive space for women to find their feet and build new friendships in a space that feels most comfortable to them. </strong></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Mind

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Madonna sued by fans over concert starting late

<p dir="ltr">Madonna is being sued by two former fans, after her concert started more than two hours behind schedule. </p> <p dir="ltr">The lawsuit was filed in Brooklyn federal court on Wednesday, with New York residents and former fans Michael Fellows and Jonathan Hadden saying the pop star’s actions were "unconscionable and unfair.”</p> <p dir="ltr">The men are suing the veteran performer for "deceptive trade practices" and "false advertisement", after they attended her concert at the New York Barclays Center last December. </p> <p dir="ltr">As per the flyers for the show, Madonna was set to take to the stage at 8:30pm, but the highly-anticipated show didn’t begin until well after 10:30pm. </p> <p dir="ltr">The complainants said that the callous delay resulted in the fans facing issues like "limited public transportation, limited ride-sharing, and/or increased public and private transportation costs" after the show on December 13th ended past midnight. </p> <p dir="ltr">According to Fellows and Hadden, this constitutes a breach of contract.</p> <p dir="ltr">"Madonna had demonstrated flippant difficulty in ensuring a timely or complete performance, and Defendants were aware that any statement as to a start time for a show constituted, at best, optimistic speculation," the statement read.</p> <p dir="ltr">The lawsuit went on to claim that Madonna’s disregard for timeliness was not an isolated incident, with her following two shows also starting hours behind schedule. </p> <p dir="ltr">They said the performer's actions "constitute not just a breach of their contracts but also a wanton exercise in false advertising" and "negligent misrepresentation."</p> <p dir="ltr">Madonna has a history of beginning her shows late, the case claims: "Throughout her 2016 Rebel Heart Tour, her 2019-2020 Madame X Tour, and prior tours... Madonna continuously started her concerts over two hours late," with this history constituting a class-action status for the lawsuit.</p> <p dir="ltr">Back in 2016, Madonna was called out for her late behaviour, dismissively joking, “I’m hardly ever late. It’s you people that get here early that’s the problem. Just come late and I won’t have to come early.”</p> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 12pt; margin-bottom: 15pt;"><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

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It’s beginning to look a lot like burnout. How to take care of yourself before the holidays start

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/sophie-scott-1462197">Sophie Scott</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-notre-dame-australia-852">University of Notre Dame Australia</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/gordon-parker-94386">Gordon Parker</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/unsw-sydney-1414">UNSW Sydney</a></em></p> <p>It’s getting towards the time of the year when you might feel more overwhelmed than usual. There are work projects to finish and perhaps exams in the family. Not to mention the pressures of organising holidays or gifts. Burnout is a real possibility.</p> <p>Burnout is defined by the <a href="https://www.who.int/standards/classifications/frequently-asked-questions/burn-out-an-occupational-phenomenon#:%7E:text=Burn%2Dout%20is%20defined%20in,has%20not%20been%20successfully%20managed.">World Health Organization</a> (WHO) as having three main symptoms – exhaustion, loss of empathy and reduced performance at work.</p> <p>Australian <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34052460/">research</a> argues for a broader model, particularly as the WHO’s third symptom may simply be a consequence of the first two.</p> <p>So what is burnout really? And how can you avoid it before the holidays hit?</p> <h2>More than being really tired</h2> <p>The Australian research model endorsed exhaustion as the primary burnout symptom but emphasised burnout should not be simply equated with exhaustion.</p> <p>The second symptom is loss of empathy (or “compassion fatigue”), which can also be experienced as uncharacteristic cynicism or a general loss of feeling. Nothing much provides pleasure and <em>joie de vivre</em> is only a memory.</p> <p>The third symptom (cognitive impairment) means sufferers find it <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-02-13/gordon-parker-says-the-burnout-definition-needs-to-broaden/101920366">difficult to focus</a> and retain information when reading. They tend to scan material – with some women reporting it as akin to “baby brain”.</p> <p>Research <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34052460/">suggests</a> a fourth symptom: insularity. When someone is burnt out, they tend to keep to themselves, not only socialising less but also obtaining little pleasure from interactions.</p> <p>A potential fifth key feature is an unsettled mood.</p> <p>And despite feeling exhausted, most individuals report insomnia when they’re burnt out. In severe cases, immune functioning can be compromised (so that the person may report an increase in infections), blood pressure may drop and it may be difficult or impossible to get out of bed.</p> <p>Predictably, such features (especially exhaustion and cognitive impairment) do lead to compromised work performance.</p> <p>Defining burnout is important, as rates have <a href="https://dspace.library.uu.nl/bitstream/handle/1874/420608/Burnout_Fatigue_Exhaustion.pdf?sequence=1&amp;isAllowed=y">increased</a> in the last few decades.</p> <h2>‘Tis the season</h2> <p>For many, the demands of the holidays cause exhaustion and risk burnout. People might feel compelled to shop, cook, entertain and socialise more than at other times of year. While burnout was initially defined in those in formal employment, we now recognise the same pattern can be experienced by those meeting the needs of children and/or elderly parents – with such needs typically increasing over Christmas.</p> <p>Burnout is generally viewed according to a simple stress-response model. Excessive demands lead to burnout, without the individual bringing anything of themselves to its onset and development. But the Australian <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34052460/">research</a> has identified a richer model and emphasised how much personality contributes.</p> <p>Formal carers, be they health workers, teachers, veterinarians and clergy or parents – are <a href="https://www.taylorfrancis.com/books/mono/10.4324/9781003333722/burnout-gordon-parker-gabriela-tavella-kerrie-eyers">more likely</a> to experience burnout. But some other professional groups – such as lawyers – are also at high risk.</p> <p>In essence, “good” people - who are dutiful, diligent, reliable, conscientious and perfectionistic (either by nature or work nurture) – are at the <a href="https://journals.lww.com/jonmd/Abstract/2020/06000/A_Qualitative_Reexamination_of_the_Key_Features_of.4.aspx">greatest risk</a> of burnout.</p> <h2>6 tips for avoiding seasonal burnout</h2> <p>You may not be able to change your personality, but you can change the way you allow it to “shape” activities. Prioritising, avoiding procrastination, decluttering and focusing on the “big picture” are all good things to keep in mind.</p> <p>Managing your time helps you regain a sense of control, enhances your efficiency, and reduces the likelihood of feeling overwhelmed by responsibilities.</p> <p><strong>1. Prioritise tasks</strong></p> <p>Rank tasks based on urgency and importance. The Eisenhower Matrix, <a href="https://www.amazon.com.au/7-Habits-Highly-Effective-People/dp/0743269519">popularised</a> by author Stephen R Covey, puts jobs into one of four categories:</p> <ul> <li> <p>urgent and important</p> </li> <li> <p>important but not urgent</p> </li> <li> <p>urgent but not important</p> </li> <li> <p>neither urgent nor important.</p> </li> </ul> <p>This helps you see what needs to be top priority and helps overcome the illusion that everything is <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10159458/">urgent</a>.</p> <p><strong>2. Set realistic goals</strong></p> <p>Break down large goals into smaller, manageable tasks to be achieved each day, week, or month – to prevent feeling overwhelmed. This could mean writing a gift list in a day or shopping for a festive meal over a week. Use tools such as calendars, planners or digital apps to schedule tasks, deadlines and appointments.</p> <p><strong>3. Manage distractions</strong></p> <p>Minimise <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2023-66900-001">distractions</a> that hinder productivity and time management. <a href="https://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi/full/10.1086/691462">Research</a> finds people complete cognitive tasks better with their phones in another room rather than in their pockets. People with phones on their desks performed the worst.</p> <p>Setting specific work hours and website blockers can limit distractions.</p> <p><strong>4. Chunk your time</strong></p> <p>Group similar tasks together and allocate specific time blocks to focus on them. For example, respond to all outstanding emails in one stint, rather than writing one, then task-switching to making a phone call.</p> <p>This approach <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7075496/">increases efficiency</a> and reduces the time spent transitioning between different activities.</p> <p><strong>5. Take breaks</strong></p> <p>A <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2022-90592-001">2022 systematic review</a> of workplace breaks found taking breaks throughout the day improves focus, wellbeing and helps get more work done.</p> <p><strong>6. Delegate</strong></p> <p>Whether at home or work, you don’t have to do it all! Identify tasks that can be effectively delegated to others or automated.</p> <p>To finish the year feeling good, try putting one or more of these techniques into practice and prepare for a restful break.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/216175/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/sophie-scott-1462197"><em>Sophie Scott</em></a><em>, Associate Professor (Adjunct), Science Communication, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-notre-dame-australia-852">University of Notre Dame Australia</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/gordon-parker-94386">Gordon Parker</a>, Scientia Professor, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/unsw-sydney-1414">UNSW Sydney</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-burnout-how-to-take-care-of-yourself-before-the-holidays-start-216175">original article</a>.</em></p>

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These 12 common terms started life as a real-person’s name

<p><strong>Oscar</strong></p> <p>And the Academy Award for the ‘Golden Statuette’s Eponym’ is … a mystery! But, there are a few theories circulating. Actress Bette Davis supposedly claimed that the statue’s backside bore a striking resemblance to her husband Harmon Oscar Nelson. </p> <p>While Sidney Skolsky, a columnist, gives himself the title of ‘eponym creator’ because he thought the nickname negated pretension from the esteemed award. And the Academy’s librarian Margaret Herrick reportedly declared that the statuette reminded her of her uncle, Oscar Pierce. We may never know its true origins.</p> <p><strong>Shirley Temple</strong></p> <p>Your favourite childhood mocktail was definitely named after none other than the curly-haired child star, Shirley Temple. The story goes that the wait staff at a Hollywood restaurant overheard the little girl whining when her parents wouldn’t give her a sip of their old-fashioned cocktails. </p> <p>A member of the staff mixed up a kid-friendly version made with a splash of grenadine, a cup of ginger ale, and garnished it with a signature maraschino cherry to emulate the old-fashioned cocktails her parents drank. One sip of the sweet, fizzy drink was all it took to quiet her cries.</p> <p><strong>Boycott</strong></p> <p>During the 1870s, history began to repeat itself as another agricultural crisis wreaked havoc in Ireland. The crisis threatened to recreate the horrific famine and mass evictions that occurred a mere thirty years prior. In an effort to campaign against rent increases and evictions by landlords, the Irish farmers banded together to form the Irish Land League. </p> <p>The group targeted one apathetic English land agent, in particular, Charles Cunningham Boycott, a man responsible for kicking out tenant farmers who refused to pay their rents. Boycott’s angered laborers and servants quit, his crops rotted to the ground, and the word ‘boycott’ defined as ‘refusing to deal with a country, organisation, or person to protest or punish them’ was named after him. In a way, karma got him good.</p> <p><strong>Dunce</strong></p> <p>No one wants to be crowned the dunce of the group, in other words, the dumb, dopey one. But there was a time when being called a dunce was the greatest form of flattery. Long ago, everyone wanted to think just like John Duns Scotus, the greatest medieval philosopher of his time. In fact, his followers referred to themselves as ‘dunsmen.’ </p> <p>Unfortunately, Scotus’ beliefs faded with the times and soon people criticised his convictions as being antiquated and dumb. Thus, ‘dunsman’ was shortened to “duns” – no longer a term for a great thinker, but instead a slow-witted person.</p> <p><strong>Bloomers</strong></p> <p>The women’s rights activist, Amelia Bloomer, helped popularise the bloomer craze, despite the fact that other progressive women wore them much earlier than she did. As part of a women’s dress-reform movement, Bloomer started wearing loose-fitting blouses and short skirts with long pantaloons underneath to protest the heavy petticoats and bone-crushing corsets that women were forced to wear in the 1850s. </p> <p>Many people ridiculed her outlandish outfit that went against every gender norm. She lashed back at her critics in an article she wrote for a women’s rights newspaper that said, “Let men be compelled to wear our dress for a while, and we should soon hear them advocating for change.” Soon after the article’s publication, everyone called the pantaloons ‘bloomers’ – a new symbol for women’s rights.</p> <p><strong>Cardigan</strong></p> <p>Your favourite winter knit-wear wasn’t named after a seamstress or fashion designer. In fact, you can thank British general, James Brudenell, the 7th Earl of Cardigan, for reportedly popularising the timeless fashion item. During the Crimean War in 1854, Cardigan’s regiment donned wool knit waistcoats, which were later called cardigans, to keep them warm on the battlefields of the Crimean Peninsula. </p> <p>No one is sure why cardigans were named after a man who didn’t invent the article of clothing. But some people theorise that his highbrow tastes for elegance and extravagance amongst his troop’s uniforms helped cardigans gain traction as a fashion statement well after the war.</p> <p><strong>Saxophone</strong></p> <p>This object was actually named after its inventor, Adolphe Sax. The Belgian-French instrument maker wanted to combine the best of brass, woodwind and stringed instruments into one masterpiece. By 1841, he had created his first working model of the bass horn, the saxophone’s former name. </p> <p>But a French reporter had a much ‘saxier’ name for the instrument and dubbed it the saxophone. Sax patented the saxophone in 1846 and the name has stuck ever since!</p> <p><strong>Sideburns</strong></p> <p>Sideburns were all the rage in the American Civil War well before Elvis Presley was even born. The popular male hair trend of bushy whiskers on the cheeks was originally called burnsides after the Union Army General Ambrose E. Burnside. </p> <p>His wildly different facial hair first caught people’s attention during a parade in Washington DC as he led his regiment of Rhode Island volunteers. By the 1880s, the name was switched to sideburns.</p> <p><strong>Silhouette</strong></p> <p>Before there were selfies, painted or paper cut-out silhouettes were the most affordable portraits that adorned people’s homes during the 18th century. Many people loved their silhouette selfies, but the man for who they were named after was anything but loved. </p> <p>France’s finance minister at the time, Étienne de Silhouette, had a reputation for being a frugal French man and was often seen making the cut-paper shadow portraits, himself, in his free time. Because of his cheap ways and favourite hobby, the French phrase “à la Silhouette” came to mean ‘on the cheap’ and the shadow portraits were named after Silhouette to poke fun at him as well.</p> <p><strong>Sandwich</strong></p> <p>John Montagu, the Earl of Sandwich who lived from 1718 to 1792, may have created the classic lunch staple. It was no secret in town that Montagu’s vice was gambling. </p> <p>Legend has it that the gambler once spent an entire 24 hours at the gambling table eating nothing but slices of cold beef wedged between two pieces of toast. And if the story bears any truth, it’s how the sandwich was invented.</p> <p><strong>Casanova</strong></p> <p>You may have dated a casanova or two in your life. Giacomo Girolamo Casanova inspired the well-known term for a promiscuous male. The Italian adventurer and author wrote a memoir that bragged about his many ‘conquests’ along his travels.</p> <p><strong>Dahlia</strong></p> <p>The vibrant flower with colourful hues from Mexico was named after Anders Dahl, an 18th-century Swedish botanist. Dahl must have been a highly admired plant expert of his time because many botanists have been credited for bestowing his name upon the flower.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.co.nz/culture/12-common-words-that-were-inspired-by-real-life-people?pages=1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader's Digest</a>. </em></p>

Caring

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How to start your own book club

<p>Starting a book club is easy – all you need is to love reading. Here’s how to get yours off to a flying start.</p> <p><strong>Finding Fellow Readers</strong></p> <p>Ask around your existing personal networks, including neighbours, friends, social media, or a community noticeboard. Once you mention you want to start a club, you’ll be surprised how many people may want to come along. Ask at your local bookshop and library for ideas – many run regular reading groups and can point you in the right direction for good books. Identify what common interests you and your group have and use these to help draw like-minded people. Once you start looking, you’ll find book clubs for men or women, seniors, sci-fi lovers, teenagers or cookery buffs.</p> <p><strong>The Time, the Place</strong></p> <p>Once you have a group, agree on how often you want to meet – typically clubs meet monthly, though the time-poor may want to make it bi-monthly.</p> <p>For many clubs, meeting at home works best as you don’t have to get dressed up, and noisy public venues can make talking hard. If members bring a plate of food or a bottle, it takes the pressure off the host. But try rotating your meeting location as this will help to stimulate fresh thoughts.</p> <p><strong>Idea</strong></p> <p>Tailor your venue according to the book’s subject matter. The Light Between the Oceans by M.L. Stedman was discussed over fish’n’chips by one club, while The Red Tent by Anita Diamant was chewed over at a Middle Eastern restaurant.</p> <p><strong>Size Matters</strong></p> <p>According to Christine Callen, a book club veteran of 15 years, you need a minimum number of people per meeting to make it interesting. “Seven is the magic number – fewer and there’s not enough for healthy debate,” she says. “You can have ten people in the club – not everyone will be able to make it every time – seven provides enough opinions.”</p> <p><strong>Choosing the Books</strong></p> <p>If you’re the club instigator, it’s easier if you pick the first book. Seek out book reviews in good magazines and newspapers and at bookshops. The flavour of the books you choose will be largely dictated by the personalities attending – you might like to have a wide range of genres from sci-fi to romance to travel epics. Or stick to one genre, such as history books. Decide on a strategy and a time frame – say five to 12 books across the year – then review how everything appeals to the majority.</p> <p>Take turns to come up with a list of four or five titles, then circulate the list via email shortly after your last discussion.</p> <p>Members can then vote on their preferred next book and meeting time. The member scheduled to host the next meeting coordinates the responses to decide the title and date most voted for.</p> <p><strong>Starting Discussion</strong></p> <p>Callen recommends beginning by asking all members to briefly give their opinion on the book. “Everyone arrives and has a drink to loosen up,” she explains. “Then we take it in turns to go around the room and each give the book a mark out of ten, saying in a few sentences what we liked or disliked about it. This gives everyone a chance to speak early in the night and stops one person dominating the conversation from the start.”</p> <p><strong>Tip</strong></p> <p>There is no one way to interpret a book. In fact, differing opinions are good.</p> <p><em>This article first appeared in <a href="http://www.readersdigest.co.nz/home-tips/How-to-Start-Your-Own-Book-Club">Reader’s Digest</a>.</em></p> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

Books

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Family leave everything behind to start a new life aboard a bus

<p>When Alex and Ashley Morris sold their home to move into a 45-foot Greyhound bus with their two young children, they had thought it would bring the family closer, and give them the precious time with each other that they felt they were lacking. </p> <p>However, the benefits weren’t to stop there for the young family, with the Morrises now reporting that they’ve cut down their living expenses. As Ashley explained in a video to their Instagram account, “it's actually more affordable than living in our house was.”</p> <p>She went on to note that they aren’t paying mortgage, rent, or any of the other fees associated with homeownership. And while they are also saving on electricity and heating, as they live off grid and their home runs on solar power with a 75 gallon (284 L) water tank, she maintains that “you don't have to be rich to live a life of freedom and adventure.”</p> <p>The pair made the decision to move their family into their unique living arrangements in 2019 when Alex lost his job, and they left their home to live in a trailer with their two kids.</p> <p>And despite living the supposed ‘American Dream’ before Alex’s job loss, Ashley told Insider that things were actually far from perfect, and that they “were both working full-time jobs, so our kids were pretty much being raised by a nanny. </p> <p>“We just wanted that time with our kids."</p> <p>It’s time they now have in abundance, after making their new lifestyle permanent in 2020, using Alex’s severance pay to secure their first wheeled abode. </p> <p>As Alex told Insider, “Ashley was like, 'let's go live on the road,' because she'd been trying to convince me for years up until that point.”</p> <p>Alex has since returned to work, but does so from home, with his very own office space near his shared bedroom with Ashley. And while they may cross time zones in their travels, his work days typically end while the sun is still up, and their children are homeschooled, leaving them with plenty of time to experience the world as a family of four.</p> <p>Ashley again circled back to this idea when she explained that “you get such a short window of time while your kids are little, and we felt like we were missing out on it.” </p> <p>“We didn't want to miss out on it anymore,” Alex added.</p> <p>The pair expanded on their decision-making process in another video posted to social media - where they often share life and bus updates with their followers - with the caption “why did we sell everything, leave our ‘perfect’ life, and move into an RV?” </p> <p>The video cycled through snippets of their adventures and day-to-day routine aboard their bus, with text across the screen to detail their journey so far, before they confessed that they knew something needed to change - for their kids. </p> <p>“We wanted to give them the most we possibly could,” they said. “The most of us, the most out of life, and the most experiences possible.” </p> <p>They explained that their family and friends “thought we had completely lost our minds”, but that they jumped in headfirst anyway, and it had all worked out “for the best”. </p> <p><em>Images: Instagram, Youtube</em></p>

Real Estate

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Why it's never too late to start dating

<p>Thinking about getting back into the dating game? It’s a new world out there and going on a date has changed. Here’s what you need to know.</p> <p>Whether you’re looking for love and companionship in your 20s and 30s or your 60s and 70s, dating is a universal experience that remains timeless. You’re never too old to meet someone new, rendezvous for a dinner and a movie, and possibly have something develop into a relationship. It’s just the act of “going on a date” that can change over the decades.</p> <p>If you’re looking to get back into the dating game but aren’t sure what to expect, don’t worry because you’re not alone. Many singles in their 50s and 60s would like to find a companion to share their life with but aren’t sure how to go about dipping their toe back into the dating pool.</p> <p><a href="http://www.valeriegibson.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Valerie Gibson</a>, US-based dating and relationship expert and author of <em>The Later Dater</em>, says dating again doesn’t have to be scary, it’s what you make of it. “Most people just want to have someone in their life who loves them, cares about them, is supportive, fun to be with, interesting to talk to and shares their goals,” she says.</p> <p>“That’s what dating is all about – the search to hopefully find someone with whom you can joyfully and happily spend your later years. You may not find them right away, but the journey through dating while you’re searching can be fun and exciting, and make ageing a fascinating adventure.” With that in mind, here are some tips from Valerie Gibson to get you comfortable with the idea of dating at any age.</p> <p><strong>Dating later</strong><br />While dating is a universal and timeless experience for everyone, it can be different depending on your age. In your 20s and 30s, dating is young, passionate, romantic, and carries the prospect of a long-term relationship leading to marriage.</p> <p>“The pleasure of dating in your later years is that dating is a little more low-key and less energetic, but can be much more meaningful and have a lot of depth and satisfaction, and often a lot of commitment.</p> <p>“Both parties have had relationships/marriages and are well aware of what they want now in a personal connection. Although dating at these lovely ages may not have the same wildfire of that in your 20s and 30s (which can burn out quickly at times), meeting someone new and dating them can be just as exciting at a later age as it was when you were much younger.” However, she adds that a lot depends on your positive attitude, youthful spirit and health as to whether later dating works for you.</p> <p><strong>First date jitters affect everyone</strong><br />One thing that affects singles, no matter their age, is a feeling of nervousness when meeting someone for the first time, particularly on a first date! It can be an intimidating experience, particularly if you haven’t done this in a good 20 to 30 years.</p> <p>The best way forward is to leave your expectations at the door and simply enjoy the experience of meeting and learning about a new person when on your date. Relax, enjoy yourself, learn about the other person and ask questions.</p> <p>“Most people are nervous at that first meeting and often trying too hard to impress. It usually eases on the second date and contrary to most opinions “chemistry” is not necessarily there immediately – it can grow.” If you don’t feel like it’s a good match from the get-go, however, when the time comes politely exit. Always treat people how you would like to be treated in similar circumstances.</p> <p><strong>Winning conversation</strong></p> <p>Whether you’re on a first date or not, there are a few topics you should steer clear of when meeting a person for the first time. It’s generally agreed that religion and politics are no-go zones, since these subjects are too inflammatory and divisive, and certain to make sure there isn’t another date.</p> <p>“I always tell people to not pour out all of their previous problems with their dates, marriages or relationships on the first date, especially any horror stories of your last ex. A person wants to know a little about you and who you are but not your complete life history and all of your life’s disappointments.</p> <p>“Keep it light and basically informative, discuss subjects such as music, books, movies, your travels, food and wine, hobbies, and you can also find out whether you have interests in common which is important.”</p> <p><strong>It’s a digital world</strong></p> <p>The dating game has changed quite a bit over the years, mostly with the arrival of the internet. Meeting someone online through a dating website has become one of the most popular ways where people are now searching for Mr or Mrs Right, particularly singles in their 50s and 60s.</p> <p>“There’s no question that online dating has become the most popular way of meeting someone when you’re over 60. The biggest growing demographic for online dating sites are people 50-plus.</p> <p>“It’s because it can be done from the comfort of your home, there’s some controllable privacy and anonymity to it which older people find reassuring and protective, and it’s the only way to meet hundreds, if not thousands, of other singles in your age group who you would never meet in everyday life – all at the click of a key.”</p> <p>Valerie warns that while there are genuine people looking for love online, you may unfortunately come across others who are not so genuine. Be cautious and if in doubt, ask a friend or family member for advice.</p> <p>While online dating is one great way to meet a partner, other options include through mutual friends, volunteering, joining clubs and groups, taking classes and basically, just getting out and mingling with people. “You’ll never meet someone sitting at home.”</p> <p><strong>Be informed about the new world</strong><br />For those looking to start meeting new people and go on dates, the best way to prepare yourself is to learn as much about the new world of dating as you can. Read books, ask friends (even talk to your children if they’re dating!), do some research and get yourself ready both emotionally and physically.</p> <p>“Always remember you have been through a lot in your life and dating isn’t life threatening after all! Make up your mind that you’re going to enjoy it and enjoy the people you meet, whether or not they are Mr or Mrs Right or someone who fits your long list of requirements.</p> <p>“The people you meet are also probably nervous, just like you, and also looking for someone they might like, can get along with, possibly fall in love with and maybe share their life with or maybe just to share some good times!”</p>

Relationships

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Struggling to start an exercise plan?

<p>Many of us don’t like the idea of exercise, so we avoid it.</p> <p>Here’s the thing: our bodies were designed to move. Yet in developed countries like Australia, many of us spend far too much time sitting on our backsides.</p> <p>The fact that we are more sedentary has become a health issue: in fact, it’s killing us.</p> <p>The <span><a href="http://www.health.gov.au/">Department of Health</a></span> says low levels of physical activity is the <span><a href="http://www.health.gov.au/internet/main/publishing.nsf/content/health-pubhlth-strateg-active-evidence.htm">fourth leading cause of death due to non-communicable diseases</a></span> (NCDs) worldwide, with heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and cancers contributing to more than three million preventable deaths annually (six per cent of deaths globally).</p> <p>The seven diseases most closely linked to physical inactivity (in descending order) are:</p> <ol> <li>Diabetes</li> <li>Bowel cancer</li> <li>Uterine cancer</li> <li>Dementia</li> <li>Breast cancer</li> <li>Coronary heart diseases</li> <li>Stroke</li> </ol> <p>The Department of Health says if all Australians did an extra 30 minutes of brisk walking at least five days each week, this would reduce “the disease burden” due to physical inactivity in the population by 26 per cent.</p> <p>The good news – and any personal trainer will tell you this – is that it is never too late to start exercising. In fact, recent research has found no difference between people who had always been fit and those who decided to take it up later in life.</p> <p>But even armed with this information, starting an exercise regimen can seem like more trouble than it’s worth. A lot of this has to do with the perception that exercise has to be goal-oriented, and a lot of us don’t enjoy feeling pressure to perform. However, it doesn’t have to be that way.</p> <p>“People often associate exercise with pain,” says Brisbane-based sports and exercise psychologist <a href="http://positivepsychologystrategies.com.au/about-patrea/">Patrea O’Donoghue</a>.</p> <p>She says exercise can be anything you want it to be these days – the image of a macho instructor barking at you to do 50 push-ups is a thing of the past. A lot of people don’t like showing their bodies in public, yet you can have your own trainer or yoga instructor on your phone via an app or do a workout in the privacy of your home on a treadmill and cycling machine. And it doesn’t have to cost a fortune.</p> <p>“People think it has to be all about joining a gym or buying a $2000 bike or looking the part, but you don’t need a fancy kit. You can just start with a decent pair of walking shoes.”</p> <p>Here are a few points exercise newbies need to consider:</p> <ul> <li>See your doctor. If you’ve never really done much exercise, ask your GP to give you the all-clear to start an exercise program.</li> <li>Assess your diet. There is not much point in starting to exercise regularly if your diet doesn’t complement it. Even if your goal is not to lose weight but to rather get fit or healthy, a balanced diet will help.</li> <li>Think about what you would enjoy doing – walking, cycling, tennis, golf, jogging, swimming, yoga, or even skipping.</li> <li>Turn your exercise into a habit.</li> </ul> <p>“If you decide, for instance, that you’ll go for a walk or to the gym twice a week, take steps to follow through with it no matter what,” says O’Donoghue.</p> <p>“If you find that work or a personal commitment means you won’t have time to go to the gym on the day you’d allocated, go anyway. Even if you just spend five minutes in the gym on that day, that’s psychologically and physically better than not going at all, as you’ve maintained the habit and you’re sticking to your commitment.</p> <p>“With any habit, any time you start to make excuses like not having time – you’re in danger. It’s like many people who make a New Year’s Eve resolution to get fit: they attack the gym for two weeks and completely overdo it, then never follow through. That’s never going to work.”</p> <p><strong>Remember to take baby steps</strong></p> <p>“If the person has been very sedentary in their habits and wants to make some lifestyle changes, I’d say to them, ‘Let’s start small’. I’d get them to look at one small thing they could do that they could attach to an existing behaviour, so they could say to themselves, ‘When I get home, I put on my walking shoes straight away and go for a walk’. Even if they just start off with five minutes, depending on their level of health. Start with just one thing and stick to it.</p> <p>“As they progressed, I’d ask them how long was acceptable to them to keep going so that the five minutes is turning into 15 minutes and so on. I’d ask them to tell me how many times a week they’re committing to do it. It’s not about saying it’s good or bad whether they did it or not but maintaining the habit and what’s realistic for them."</p> <p>O’Donoghue says she’d also ask the exercise newcomer to think about what successes they’ve had in their life (not associated with exercise) such as in their career or personal life and ask them to think about how they achieved that success. “It might be a presentation or how well they cook – get them to extract the key principles from that and apply it to their exercise.</p> <p>“It’s important to look at the role of feelings associated with exercise,” she says. If we have the thought one cold dark morning that we just don’t feel like doing any exercise and there is that self-talk going on in our heads, making sure you turn that around. Maintaining the momentum is very important.”</p> <p>You can exercise alone, with a friend, or in a group. What’s important is working out what will work best for you. “If someone said they really did struggle to exercise by themselves, I’d be encouraging them to exercise with a friend or neighbour or a group,” says O’Donoghue. “They are more likely to uphold a commitment to someone else than themselves. That sense of accountability can be useful.”</p> <p>It’s worthwhile knowing that research shows you don’t have to do a big block of exercise in one hit. You can break it down into 10-minute blocks – walk to the shops instead of driving; go up the stairs instead of taking the lift; even doing housework, standing up while watching TV, or doing some gardening counts! Think about anything that contributes to you burning calories.</p> <p>Before you start patting yourself on the back, O’Donoghue says it’s important to recognise the difference between being healthy and being fit. Initially, regular exercise such as fairly brisk walking for half an hour for five or six days is about getting healthy so that you are mildly out of breath as you walk – but if your aim is to get fit, your heart rate needs to go up when you exercise.</p> <p>Older Australians also need to think about doing some light strength training up to three times a week, using exercises to work all the major muscle groups of your body (legs, hips, back, chest, abdomen, shoulders and arms) to maintain bone health and muscle mass. To avoid injuries, have a professional show you how to apply low levels of impact on the muscles. Elastic band exercises, for example, are ideal.</p> <p>Are you ready to start exercising? What made you decide to give it a serious go?</p> <p><em>Written by Robin Hill. Republished with permission of <span><a href="https://www.wyza.com.au/articles/health/exercise/struggling-to-start-an-exercise-plan.aspx">Wyza.com.au</a></span>.</em></p>

Body

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"I started walking the long way": many young women first experience street harassment in their school uniforms

<p>Can you remember the first time you were harassed in a public space? What comes to mind? Can you remember how old you were, or what you were doing? Perhaps this is not something you have personally experienced, although we know <a href="https://australiainstitute.org.au/report/everyday-sexism/">87% of young Australian women</a> have been harassed in public.</p> <p>We spoke to 47 adult women and LGBTQ+ people in <a href="https://www.streetharassmentjustice.com/">our recent study</a> on street-based and public harassment about their earliest memories of feeling sexualised, uncomfortable or unsafe on the street. Many mentioned they first experienced street harassment in their school uniforms. We heard variations of the phrase “it happened when I was in my school uniform” repeatedly from participants.</p> <p>For many, <a href="https://theconversation.com/whistling-and-staring-at-women-in-the-street-is-harassment-and-its-got-to-stop-38721">street harassment</a> began or became more frequent when they started wearing a high school uniform. Some participants, however, reflected on experiences from when they were even younger, wearing a primary school uniform. </p> <p>Studies from the United Kingdom have shown <a href="https://plan-uk.org/street-harassment/its-not-ok">35% of girls</a> wearing school uniforms have been sexually harassed in public spaces. Despite the importance of schools in the daily lives of young people, and the high rates of street harassment they experience, there’s been surprisingly little attention paid to the harassment of young people in school uniform. </p> <p>Findings from our <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/09540253.2023.2193206">new research</a> show school-related harassment is a serious issue that has largely flown under the radar in Australia.</p> <h2>It happens beyond the school gates</h2> <p>We know young people experience <a href="https://researchdirect.westernsydney.edu.au/islandora/object/uws:55181/">sexual</a>, <a href="https://www.glsen.org/sites/default/files/2019-10/GLSEN%202015%20National%20School%20Climate%20Survey%20%28NSCS%29%20-%20Executive%20Summary.pdf">homophobic and transphobic</a>harassment from their peers and even teachers while they’re at school. </p> <p>But participants also told us about harassment occurring outside their school grounds. This was perpetrated by strangers (usually individual adult men, or groups of adult men), while they were in uniform and, therefore, clearly identifiable as school children. </p> <p>This took many forms, ranging from catcalling, staring or leering, wolf-whistling, and being followed by men in cars while walking to school, through to public masturbation and men rubbing themselves against victim-survivors (usually while travelling to school on public transport), sexual assault and rape. </p> <p>As one interviewee told us, "walking from high school to home […] that’s where most of the harassment I’ve experienced happened […] As soon as I stopped wearing a school uniform it happened less. So that’s disgusting for a lot of reasons."</p> <p>As another interviewee shared, these experiences were really scary not just because of what was happening at that moment but because the perpetrator “knows which school you go to” because of the uniform worn.</p> <h2>The ‘sexy schoolgirl’</h2> <p>Why is it that young people – and particularly young women and girls – are so routinely harassed in school uniform? We found harassment of schoolgirls was seen as being culturally sanctioned through the “sexy schoolgirl” trope. </p> <p>As one interviewee noted, "when you go on Google images and search for ‘school boy’ it will come up with a five-year-old boy but then ‘school girl’ it will come up with the sexy school girl costume."</p> <p>Participants discussed being targeted because they were viewed as vulnerable and (paradoxically) as both sexually innocent and sexualised, "that was part of the allure for them [the perpetrators], the innocence of a schoolgirl, a fearful schoolgirl in that situation, was like hot to them, they were really getting off on it."</p> <p>Another interviewee told us, "I went from being an innocent child to a child that felt uncomfortable and didn’t know why I was sexualised – and I didn’t understand it because I didn’t understand what sex really was."</p> <p>Because they were so young, many participants often lacked a framework or language to understand their experiences. For many, these experiences were also so routine they simply formed part of the background hum of everyday life. </p> <p>It was often not until years after these formative experiences that participants were able to articulate them as sexual harm and reflect on the impacts. </p> <h2>Trying to avoid harassment</h2> <p>Across our interviews, many participants discussed changing the way they presented themselves or changing the routes they took to school. They often focused on changing their own behaviour and <a href="https://policy.bristoluniversitypress.co.uk/the-right-amount-of-panic">made their lives smaller</a> in an attempt to avoid further harassment. </p> <p>For example, "I started walking the long way. I started just going through the main roads, avoiding the back streets, even though it was a longer walk to be extra safe."</p> <p>In the longer-term, participants commonly described feeling unsafe, hyper-vigilant, and distrustful of men in public spaces. </p> <h2>‘What if there’s a paedophile on the tram?’: school responses</h2> <p>Unfortunately, the view that victim-survivors are responsible for their own harassment was often reinforced by schools if harassment was reported. </p> <p>Numerous participants told us how they were reminded of school uniform policies (such as mandated length of skirts and dresses) when they went to teachers for help. </p> <p>One participant recounted an experience where her teacher asked, "Why would you wear your skirt like this [short]? Whose attention are you trying to get? […] what if there’s a paedophile when you’re on the tram home from school […] thinking ‘this is the best day of [my] life’."</p> <p>Others did not seek help from their teachers because of this focus on students’ appearance at school – they felt they would simply be blamed for what happened.</p> <p>These types of responses teach young people to think street harassment and other forms of gendered violence are their fault. It also tells them their bodies are sites of risk that need to be managed and contained to avoid harassment.</p> <h2>School uniform harassment is not ‘normal’</h2> <p>While schools and school-related contexts were often sites of harm for our participants, schools nonetheless have a vitally important role to play here. Harassment in school uniform should not be seen as a “normal” part of growing up. </p> <p>There is an urgent need to provide young people with a framework to understand their experiences.</p> <p>Educational efforts must challenge the idea that harassment must simply be endured. Instead, schools should help young people understand harassment as a form of violence, and offer safe and supportive spaces to talk with peers and adults about their experiences. This should be incorporated into existing sex and relationships education <a href="https://www.bodysafetyaustralia.com.au/">in an age-appropriate way</a>.</p> <p>Importantly, responses to harassment should never blame or implicate young people themselves. It’s time for outdated practices such as measuring school uniform length to be relegated to the past where they belong. </p> <p>In the words of one participant, “the length of my skirt is not influencing how much I learn”.</p> <p><strong><em>If this article has raised issues for you, or if you’re concerned about someone you know, call <a href="https://kidshelpline.com.au/">Kids Helpline</a> on 1800 55 1800 or <a href="https://www.1800respect.org.au/">1800RESPECT</a> on 1800 737 732.</em></strong></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/i-started-walking-the-long-way-many-young-women-first-experience-street-harassment-in-their-school-uniforms-202718" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>. </em></p>

Caring

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Demi Moore announces the start of her "hot kooky unhinged grandma era"

<p dir="ltr">Demi Moore is excited to be surrounded by kids once again after announcing her daughter’s pregnancy.</p> <p dir="ltr">The 60-year-old first shared snaps to Instagram of her daughter Rumer Willis’s pregnant belly and her boyfriend, Derek Richard Thomas kissing it.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Entering my hot kooky unhinged grandma era,” she wrote with a plant emoji indicating her grandchild has a bit longer to go.</p> <p dir="ltr">In another post, the actress shares an update where she and her daughters, Tallulah and Scout, are standing next to Rumer as she waits for her ultrasound.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Saying hello to the little nibblet!! Overjoyed for you, my sweet Rumer. It’s an honor to witness your journey into motherhood, and can’t wait to welcome this baby into the world!” her caption read.</p> <p dir="ltr">“So grateful for my incredible lineage of women in my family. I love you all so much. This baby is so lucky to have you guys,” Rumur responded.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Also shoutout to Pilaf we couldn’t do it without you.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Rumur’s child will be Demi’s first grandchild and her fans are already congratulating her on the exciting news.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Holiday blessings abound. Congratulations @rumerwillis,” someone wrote.</p> <p dir="ltr">“So excited for you all!!! What a blessing,” another commented.</p> <p dir="ltr">“So happy for Rumer! She’s going to be a great mom,” another wrote.</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Images: Instagram</em></p>

Family & Pets

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5 signs you're ready to start dating again

<p>Dealing with a breakup or a loss of a loved one is tough and takes time. It might not seem likely but at some point you may feel like getting back in the “game”. It can be hard to figure out exactly when you are ready to pursue another romantic relationship though. For many people, the thought of dating can be daunting if you’ve been out of the dating world for a long time. But remember there’s a big bright world out there with many wonderful people ready to make your acquaintance. Here are some signs that you might be ready to meet somebody new.</p> <p><strong>You have let go</strong></p> <p>This is the hardest thing to do but once you have truly let go then you are ready to start dating again. Whether you are widowed or divorced, you need to let yourself grieve. There is no time limit and it can be a painful process but there will come a day where you feel like you’re ready to make new memories. This may mean you no longer feel betrayed, hurt or angry. It might mean you know your loved one is gone so now you can look to the future. If you are still thinking of the past, you won’t be ready to give a new relationship a proper go. Think of what the future and the dating world will open up for you. </p> <p><strong>You are at peace alone</strong></p> <p>Are you independent and happy to be alone? Sometimes after a breakup we become dependent on others to fill our time or our sense-of-self has been lost in being a couple for such a long time. Being at peace with yourself is about having a life that it not only yours but one you are satisfied with. After all, how can you be a partner to someone if you aren’t content with your life? It may seem strange but once you are comfortable with being alone, you are ready to meet somebody new. Remember you want to start dating, you don’t need too!</p> <p><strong>You know what you want</strong></p> <p>You don’t have to have everything figured out but it’s important you have an idea of want you want out of life moving forward. This can help you determine what you want (and don’t want) out of a new relationship. When you know what you want in life, the future and a companion, you’ll be able to see much clearer when you’ve found the person for you!</p> <p><strong>You are doing it for the right reasons  </strong></p> <p>The only reason you should begin dating again is if you are genuinely looking to meet someone new. You need to be honest with yourself – if you are looking to fill the void, a confidence boost, make somebody jealous, replace an old partner or afraid to be alone – you aren’t ready to start dating. Dating for the wrong reasons usually ends in disappointment and hurt.</p> <p><strong>Your friends and families tell you</strong></p> <p>After a painful loss or break-up, it’s common to get comfortable in a routine. You might think “that’s it” or it’s “too hard” even when family and friends are telling you to get back out there. It’s not the easiest thing to hear and you might think you know best, but sometimes your loved ones can see things you can’t. If your family and friends (who know you best) think you might be ready to start dating again, it might be the gentle push you need to go out and mingle! </p> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

Relationships

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9 tips for starting a business

<p>Always dreamed of starting a business? Well, there’s no better time than the present. Here’s nine tips to help get you started.</p> <p>Whether you’d like to take your passion for sewing, cooking or helping others further, or if you wouldn’t mind a bit of extra money in retirement, starting a business can not only keep your mind and body active, but you’ll be benefiting the wider community.</p> <p>The new wave of entrepreneurialism isn’t young Richard Branson types, its people in their 50s and 60s who have skills in a range of trades or activities and the time to invest in getting a business off the ground.</p> <p>Dr Alex Maritz, associate professor of entrepreneurship at Swinburne University of Technology, says senior entrepreneurship is a significant phenomenon across the globe. “Sixty is the new 50. People aged 50-65 have a higher rate of entrepreneurial activity than those aged 20-34, so what are you waiting for?” he says. “This is the fastest growing segment of entrepreneurship across the globe.”</p> <p>If you think you have what it takes to start your own business, here’s a few of Dr Maritz’s tips for getting started.</p> <p><strong>1. Make a profit from your passion</strong></p> <p>A hobby to supplement your income is always first prize. Your mature skills and social aptitude drive your motivation, skills and, more importantly, the opportunity to achieve. Risk and reward are always a trade-off, but better so when you do something you enjoy doing.</p> <p><strong>2. Surround yourself with likeminded people</strong></p> <p>Network with other seniorpreneurs who are also starting new ventures. Just think of all those combined skills and professional services you may obtain at mates’ rates. Even sports clubs for seniors are fantastic networking opportunities. Positive environments promote proactivity, innovation and calculated risk-taking. Network with niche organisations such as Seniors Australia.</p> <p><strong>3. Work anywhere you want</strong></p> <p>Starting a business no longer necessarily requires a brick and mortar office or storefront. If you do require an office, share space at incubators and networks. Flexibility is the name of the game. Virtual offices are the domain of entrepreneurs.</p> <p><strong>4. As you grow seek help from part-timers</strong></p> <p>Manage your resource cost and remember, the best human resource is usually shared. And it’s not always physical, many services are offered and procured online. Do not overcommit by hiring permanent staff. Fixed costs are dead weight!</p> <p><strong>5. Get creative if you need funding</strong></p> <p>Friends and family are always a great option to top up the finances to start your business. Other options include grants, contests and crowd funding. Suppliers may well provide valuable credit terms. Use your own credit history to secure additional funds.</p> <p><strong>6. Top up your skills</strong></p> <p>Upskill your entrepreneurship education and training (classes and online). This may sound cumbersome, but enhancing your business acumen pays dividends. If you go to classes, it’s a valuable networking opportunity as well. Most providers also offer online modules.</p> <p><strong>7. Get savvy online</strong></p> <p>Remember, 97 per cent of consumers search the internet for goods and services. A website and blog go a long way to enhancing your referrals, customer retention and related sales. Even if your business is not online, a virtual presence is essential.</p> <p><strong>8. Working on the go with your mobile</strong></p> <p>Similar to making your workspace fit your lifestyle, your mobile device (smartphone) is your new mobile office. Real time communication necessitates real time response; not just a by-product of your office environment.</p> <p><strong>9. Spread the word with social media</strong></p> <p>Hand in hand with digital and internet technology, this is an ideal entrepreneurial marketing avenue open for start-ups. Scan the many online tutorials to assist in this regard.</p> <p>If you’d like to share your thoughts, get resources and connect with likeminded people, take a look at SeniorPreneurs.org. Co-founded by Dr Maritz, it’s a social community of people over 50 who have a passion for business start-ups.</p> <p><em>Image: Getty</em></p>

Money & Banking

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UK woman takes home from dump to dream starting with just £1

<p dir="ltr">A UK woman has shown how she took a derelict property from a dump to a dream address, having paid just £1 ($NZ 1.93).</p> <p dir="ltr">Maxine Sharples was still a university student when she successfully bid for a ramshackle Victorian terrace in Liverpool under the council-run Homes for Pound Scheme.</p> <p dir="ltr">The scheme allowed residents to pay just £1 for a derelict home on the condition that they would renovate it, per <em><a href="https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/woman-transforms-1-house-dream-27496752" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Mirror</a></em>, and was so popular that 2500 people applied for just 106 houses.</p> <p dir="ltr">But, when Ms Sharples was handed the keys to her new home four years later, she admitted she was worried about how she would fund the work, particularly given that new owners had just 12 months to renovate according to <em><a href="https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/homeless-woman-turned-1-house-24498719?_ga=2.75979477.1998441293.1658101018-39617459.1654734058" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Liverpool Echo</a></em>.</p> <p dir="ltr">Ms Sharples was able to take longer due to Covid restrictions, telling local news she spent £60,000 ($NZ 115,000) to bring the home up to a livable standard and transform it into a sweet first home.</p> <p><span id="docs-internal-guid-94bc6a79-7fff-21ea-0c61-4942fcc90dd5"></span></p> <p dir="ltr">She now has about £10,000 ($NZ 19,270) left to spend to enhance the property further.</p> <p dir="ltr"><img src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/2022/07/uk-woman-house1.jpg" alt="" width="1280" height="720" /></p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Maxine Sharple, a 35-year-old yoga teacher, bought her first home for just £1, but had to put in plenty of work to get it up to scratch.</em></p> <p dir="ltr">“Although initially I didn’t have the funds, I applied anyway and thought, ‘I’ll cross that bridge’ if I was shortlisted. In 2019, four years later, I got a phone call to ask if I was still interested in a home for a pound,” Ms Sharples told the <em>Echo</em>.</p> <p dir="ltr">Though she has walked away with the deal of a lifetime, it was a difficult journey to get her home to where it is now.</p> <p dir="ltr">Ms Sharples lived in a caravan during the renovations and had to do plenty of work herself.</p> <p dir="ltr">“It has taken me 27 arduous months to get it signed off. It was gruelling, I couldn't have been more naive about the process,” she said.</p> <p dir="ltr">“As a yoga teacher I couldn’t have been less experienced in construction management.</p> <p dir="ltr">“With tradespeople in short supply, I took to a lot of labouring myself.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Going beyond just updating the interior and façade, Ms Sharples changed the layout to make the home lighter and more airy.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I began the rip out by myself. It took me nine months to get the house back to brick with a rotary hammer and borrowed electricity from my neighbours,” she said.</p> <p dir="ltr">“A hole in the roof meant a tree had taken root, water ingress, asbestos, rat infestations, you name it, it had it all.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><span id="docs-internal-guid-36149172-7fff-3f78-2ef0-34df62879a57"></span></p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Images: The Liverpool Echo</em></p>

Real Estate

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What you should know before starting a garden

<p>So you’re about to start establishing your very own garden. Read these tips before picking up a trowel.</p> <p><strong>Starting a garden is expensive</strong></p> <p>Build a thrifty patio garden with containers you find on the kerb – just drill drainage holes. “The only thing you should splurge on is good quality potting soil and seeds,” says gardening writer Gayla Trail. </p> <p>You’ll save later on produce.</p> <p><strong>No yard? No problem!</strong></p> <p>If you don’t have a yard or your soil is inhospitable, you can still do some fruitful urban gardening in containers. The bigger the pots, the better, says Trail. “The soil will stay wet longer in a large container,” she explains.</p> <p><strong>Gardening has benefits you can't put a price on</strong></p> <p>In a 2011 Dutch study, two groups of people were asked to complete a stressful task, then assigned 30 minutes of either gardening or reading. </p> <p>The gardeners’ stress hormones were found to be significantly lower.</p> <p><strong>Dirt has surprising benefits</strong></p> <p>What makes digging in the dirt so satisfying? It might be the dirt itself. </p> <p>M. vaccae, a healthy bacterium that lives in soil, has been found to increase serotonin and provide anxiety relief when inhaled.</p> <p><strong>Gardening's physical benefits increase as we age</strong></p> <p>Digging, pulling weeds and planting help strengthen your hands, which is especially important for seniors, whose loss of grip strength worsens arthritis pain and leads to difficulty performing tasks.</p> <p><strong>Maintenance may take as little as five minutes a day</strong></p> <p>“As much time as it takes to walk around your garden and put your finger in the soil up to the second knuckle,” says gardening columnist and broadcaster Mark Cullen. </p> <p>“If it feels moist and cool, there’s no need to water.”</p> <p><strong>Learning your soil type is key</strong></p> <p>Understanding your soil type – sand, silt, clay or loam – is crucial when starting a garden. Your soil type can tell you which plants will do best and which amendments you’ll need to add, such as peat moss for better drainage. </p> <p>“Grab some earth and squeeze it,” Trail says. “Sand feels gritty, clay will stick together in a ball, and loam feels light and fluffy, like cake.”</p> <p><strong>Don't disregard weeds</strong></p> <p>Weeding several times a week provides the best return on your time invested. </p> <p>“Weeds are competition for desirable plants, so you need to get rid of them to maximise the productivity of your food plants and flowers,” says Cullen.</p> <p><strong>Mulch is a gardener's BFF</strong></p> <p>A five- to 10-centimetre layer of straw or shredded leaves around the base of your plants will do double duty holding moisture in and preventing weeds.</p> <p><strong>Don't ignore yellowed, limp leaves</strong></p> <p>If you’re starting a garden, you might be killing your garden with too much love. </p> <p>“Nine out of 10 plant problems are caused by overwatering,” says Cullen. “If the soil feels cool and damp, don’t water.”</p> <p><strong>Experienced gardeners swear by soaker hoses</strong></p> <p>Keeping water off the foliage will prevent mildew and cut costs on your water bill by delivering the moisture directly to the roots.</p> <p><strong>Fast-track your compost</strong></p> <p>A compost pile can be a great source of free fertiliser, but it takes time to brew. </p> <p>Cheat by dropping lettuce leaves, eggshells, banana peels and coffee grounds in a pot, filling with soil and placing plants on top, giving the roots steady access to nutrients.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.co.nz/food-home-garden/gardening-tips/what-you-should-know-before-starting-a-garden?pages=1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader's Digest</a>. </em></p>

Home & Garden

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Everything you need to know about starting your own garden

<p><strong>No yard, No problem</strong></p> <p>If you don’t have a yard or your soil is inhospitable, you can still do some fruitful urban gardening in containers. The bigger the pots, the better, says Trail. “The soil will stay wet longer in a large container,” she explains.</p> <p><strong>Gardening has priceless benefits </strong></p> <p>In a 2011 Dutch study, two groups of people were asked to complete a stressful task, then assigned 30 minutes of either gardening or reading. The gardeners’ stress hormones were found to be significantly lower.</p> <p><strong>Starting a garden is expensive</strong></p> <p>Build a thrifty patio garden with containers you find on the kerb – just drill drainage holes. “The only thing you should splurge on is good quality potting soil and seeds,” says gardening writer Gayla Trail. You’ll save later on produce.</p> <p><strong>Dirt has surprising benefits</strong></p> <p>What makes digging in the dirt so satisfying? It might be the dirt itself. M. vaccae, a healthy bacterium that lives in soil, has been found to increase serotonin and provide anxiety relief when inhaled.</p> <p><strong>Gardening has psychical benefits </strong></p> <p>Digging, pulling weeds and planting help strengthen your hands, which is especially important for seniors, whose loss of grip strength worsens arthritis pain and leads to difficulty performing tasks.</p> <p><strong>Maintenance may take as little as five minutes per day</strong></p> <p>“As much time as it takes to walk around your garden and put your finger in the soil up to the second knuckle,” says gardening columnist and broadcaster Mark Cullen. “If it feels moist and cool, there’s no need to water.”</p> <p><strong>Learning your soil type is key</strong></p> <p>Understanding your soil type – sand, silt, clay or loam – is crucial when starting a garden. Your soil type can tell you which plants will do best and which amendments you’ll need to add, such as peat moss for better drainage. “Grab some earth and squeeze it,” Trail says. “Sand feels gritty, clay will stick together in a ball, and loam feels light and fluffy, like cake.”</p> <p><strong>Don't ignore weeds</strong></p> <p>Weeding several times a week provides the best return on your time invested. “Weeds are competition for desirable plants, so you need to get rid of them to maximise the productivity of your food plants and flowers,” says Cullen.</p> <p><strong>Mulch is a gardeners best friend</strong></p> <p>A five- to 10-centimetre layer of straw or shredded leaves around the base of your plants will do double duty holding moisture in and preventing weeds.</p> <p><strong>Don't ignore yellow limp leaves</strong></p> <p>If you’re starting a garden, you might be killing your garden with too much love. “Nine out of 10 plant problems are caused by overwatering,” says Cullen. “If the soil feels cool and damp, don’t water.”</p> <p><strong>Experienced gardeners swear by the soaker hose</strong></p> <p>Keeping water off the foliage will prevent mildew and cut costs on your water bill by delivering the moisture directly to the roots.</p> <p><strong>Fast track your compost</strong></p> <p>A compost pile can be a great source of free fertiliser, but it takes time to brew. Cheat by dropping lettuce leaves, eggshells, banana peels and coffee grounds in a pot, filling with soil and placing plants on top, giving the roots steady access to nutrients.</p> <p>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/food-home-garden/gardening-tips/what-you-should-know-before-starting-a-garden?pages=1">Reader's Digest</a>. </p> <p><em>Image: Getty</em></p>

Home & Garden

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How to keep a gratitude journal, with 16 prompts to help you get started

<p><strong>Benefits of gratitude</strong></p> <p>Maybe you’ve heard about the potential benefits of practising gratitude or keeping a gratitude journal. You may have even been advised to keep a gratitude journal by a doctor, family, or friends.</p> <p>But are there any real benefits from keeping a gratitude journal? And how exactly does gratitude journaling work?</p> <p>Experts say there’s no wrong way to do gratitude exercises like keeping a gratitude journal, unless of course you’re focusing on negative things or things that can encourage shameful feelings.</p> <p>Here’s what the experts want you to know about why and how to keep a gratitude journal.</p> <p><strong>What is a gratitude journal?</strong></p> <p>According to experts, a gratitude journal is typically a journal or notepad where you jot down things for which you are grateful.</p> <p>This doesn’t need to be a notepad or journal, though; it can also include listing things for which you are grateful aloud or in your mind. Some smartphone apps even allow you to text or digitally enter things you are grateful for.</p> <p>“You can keep a gratitude journal on your phone, you could do it in a notebook, you could even just kind of take time to really think about those things,” says Laurie Santos, PhD, a professor of psychology.</p> <p>“All of these types of forms of engaging with a gratitude journal can really improve your wellbeing.”</p> <p><strong>What does research show about the effects of gratitude journaling?</strong></p> <p>Experts say the evidence is overwhelming: Keeping a gratitude journal is good for your health and overall well-being.</p> <p>“There’s lots and lots of studies basically suggesting that gratitude improves wellbeing,” Dr Santos says.</p> <p>“There’s evidence, for example, that people who are more grateful experience more benefits in terms of their self-regulation, they’re more likely to eat healthier, they’re more likely to save more for retirement,” she explains. “And there’s even evidence that people sleep better when they’re feeling more grateful.”</p> <p>Jane Wilson, PhD, says there are even more benefits of keeping a gratitude journal.</p> <p>“People who keep a gratitude journal experience more positive emotions such as love, joy, contentment, improved social connections, increased sense of inner peace, improved exercise and deepened sense of focus in learning,” Dr Wilson explains.</p> <p>“Keeping a gratitude journal strengthens one’s gratitude muscle,” she adds. “By strengthening one’s gratitude muscle, people will find they more quickly notice good things in life, and they’re better able to manage future stressful situations.”</p> <p><strong>What is gratitude?</strong></p> <p>Gratitude can have many definitions depending on whom you talk to. But according to Emiliana Simon-Thomas, PhD, gratitude is often defined into two basic ways.</p> <p>“Science defines gratitude in a couple of ways,” she says.</p> <p>“One way is reverence for that which is given. Recognising that all kinds of stuff around us every day has nothing to do with our effort, talents, our skills. It’s just there.”</p> <p>She says another way we define gratitude is as a specific emotional experience.</p> <p>“So how you feel that kind of warmth in your chest, that affectionate sentiment, when you are in a moment where someone has done something that’s really wonderful for you, you feel grateful right then and there is that sense of trust and connection, and social support,” she explains.</p> <p><strong>How do I make an entry in a gratitude journal?</strong></p> <p>Dr Simon-Thomas says the most simple way to make a gratitude diary entry, very generally, is to list sources of goodness that you enjoy in your life that you haven’t had to work toward or earn.</p> <p>“It can be as simple as running water that is drinkable from a tap, or can be really complex and detailed, like the role that a mentor in your life has played in advancing your professional career or by introducing you to a topic or a community that has been instrumental,” she explains.</p> <p>She says examples of this include gratitude for things many people take for granted, such as democracy, freedom, access to education and health care. “Those are really important kinds of gratitude,” she says, “and they do shift us toward a more optimistic view in the world.”</p> <p>Dr Wilson says she suggests beginning by pausing to reflect upon your day or week, taking a moment to savour a few blessings in your life, and then jotting the things you noticed or think of.</p> <p><strong>How often should you write in a gratitude journal?</strong></p> <p>Experts say there’s no hard and fast rule about how frequently to make entries in a gratitude journal to reap the benefits.</p> <p>Dr Simon-Thomas says there are some general patterns that seem to pop up like the suggestion to write three times a day, she adds, but that won’t work for everyone.</p> <p>If you’re more anxious person, maybe for you the best schedule for gratitude journaling is twice a day for two weeks. For some people who lean toward a more open-minded and flexible emotional demeanour, she says journaling once every other day for four weeks may be the most impactful.</p> <p>Some research suggests the ideal frequency to write in a gratitude journal seems to be around one to three entries per week for at least two weeks. Experts say this is likely because it can become easier to become numb to sources of goodness around us if we track it every day.</p> <p><strong>How much should you write in a gratitude journal?</strong></p> <p>According to the experts, any amount of expression or embracing of gratitude, including writing it down in a journal, can be beneficial. But most also agree that the more specific and in-depth an entry is, the more impact it tends to have.</p> <p>Dr Simon-Thomas says some people find it helpful to go into a lot of detail as to why they are grateful for something or how it made them feel. Some experts also advocate for the benefit of making extended entries that can be shared with others.</p> <p>“The most impactful gratitude practice is writing a gratitude letter to someone, around 300 to 500 words, and then reading it aloud to that person,” Dr Wilson says.</p> <p><strong>How long do you need to keep a gratitude journal to reap the benefits?</strong></p> <p>The jury is still out on exactly how long you need to keep a gratitude journal to reap the benefits.</p> <p>“There’s evidence, for example, that simply scribbling down a few things that you’re grateful for every day can significantly improve your wellbeing in as little as two weeks,” Dr Santos According to some experts, about 15 days is the period at which people start experiencing long-term benefits from gratitude journaling. But Dr Simon-Thomas says there are a lot of different statements out there about the relative period of time required, adding that some studies suggest just experiencing 30 to 60 seconds of gratitude, writing or reflection, can change how someone acts in the next moment, and in the next couple hours.</p> <p><strong>What is gratitude fatigue?</strong></p> <p>In general, experts say expressing and embracing gratitude, and keeping a gratitude journal, are good for the well-being of most people. But like most things, some people can experience gratitude fatigue, which may cause them to feel worse about their situation or life.</p> <p>“Some people experience gratitude fatigue if they find themselves writing down the same thing each time they open their journal,” Dr Wilson says. “To remedy this, look for new [or] surprising things you’re grateful for. Or … take a break from writing things down and resume the practice after a break.”</p> <p><strong>Writing prompts for gratitude journal entries</strong></p> <p>The experts say some people have no issue coming up with things they are grateful for, but this isn’t always an easy process for everyone. For some people, even trying to think of things they are grateful for, or not being able to come up with any, can be overwhelming and make you feel hopeless.</p> <p>If you’re having trouble thinking of entries to make in a gratitude journal, experts advise using basic prompts that help you get started in the process, although there is no perfect prompt for everyone or every situation. Some prompts may seem well-suited for a certain person or situation, but others may make someone feel worse, so choose what works for you.</p> <p>Examples of good prompts for gratitude journal entries include:</p> <ul> <li>I am grateful for a natural resource (water, food, clean air, sunlight).</li> <li>I am grateful for a component of the natural world (wildlife, mountains, bodies of water).</li> <li>I am grateful for modern comforts (running water, toilets, indoor heat, electricity, cars, airplanes, trains, grocery stores).</li> <li>I am grateful for institutions or services (hospitals and health care, education centres and education, emergency services like firefighters and natural disaster response services).</li> <li>I am grateful for a leisure activity (writing, reading, watching TV or movies).</li> <li>I am grateful my body is capable of … (walking, exercising, maintaining balance and posture, recovering from illness).</li> <li>I am grateful my brain is capable of … (thinking, being intelligent, being curious, having an imagination, learning new things, talking, coordinating body movement, remembering things and feelings).</li> <li>I am grateful for a stress-reducing activity (meditation, yoga, mindfulness, talking with friends and family).</li> <li>I am grateful I am alive now because … (modern amenities and comforts, scientific breakthroughs or advancements, ability to travel around the world, ability to connect with others easier).</li> <li>I am grateful for basic rights such as … (freedom, civil liberties, the right to receive education, expression of thought, the right to vote).</li> <li>I am grateful for something that someone did to help me or make me feel more secure.</li> <li>I am grateful for components of my work (respect of co-workers or bosses, benefits, positive impact of work on others or the environment, feelings of fulfillment or engagement).</li> <li>I am grateful to have certain people in my life.</li> <li>I am grateful for my pet because …</li> <li>I am grateful for a certain experience.</li> <li>I am grateful that something happened to me today.</li> </ul> <p><strong>Other tips for keeping a gratitude journal</strong></p> <ul> <li>Go for depth of entries versus quantity. It’s generally better to go into as much detail as possible about why you are grateful for something than generating a long, less detailed list.</li> <li>Try to not simply go through the motions. Keeping a gratitude journal is more effective if you first commit, and stay committed to, being more grateful, happy, or optimistic. A gratitude journal entry should not be viewed as a to-do list or something you have to do against your will.</li> <li>Don’t try to make any entry if you really aren’t ready or in a good space. Pushing yourself to simply make entries can actually make you feel worse or overwhelmed and may lead to entries that are negative or shaming.</li> <li>Don’t overdo it. Many people think you have to write in a gratitude journal every day to see positive effects. But writing once or twice per week long-term may be more beneficial than daily journaling.</li> <li>Think about subtractions, not only additions. One way to stimulate feelings of gratitude is to think about how your life would be affected without certain things, such as modern comforts, friends and family, meaningful work, etc. This approach can be especially effective if someone is having a hard time coming up with something they’re grateful for.</li> <li>Savour surprises. Events that are surprising or unexpected often stimulate stronger feelings of gratitude.</li> <li>Get personal with your entries. Recording or thinking about people you are grateful for often is more impactful than thinking about things you’re grateful for.</li> <li>Think of things you’re grateful for as gifts. Thinking of things we are grateful for as gifts helps prevent many people from overlooking them or taking them for granted.</li> </ul> <p><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">Written by Jennifer Hiuzen. This article first appeared in </span><a rel="noopener" href="https://www.readersdigest.co.nz/healthsmart/conditions/mental-health/how-to-keep-a-gratitude-journal-with-16-prompts-to-help-you-get-started" target="_blank"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Reader’s Digest</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. For more of what you love from the world’s best-loved magazine, </span><a rel="noopener" href="http://readersdigest.innovations.co.nz/c/readersdigestemailsubscribe?utm_source=over60&amp;utm_medium=articles&amp;utm_campaign=RDSUB&amp;keycode=WRA87V" target="_blank"><span style="font-weight: 400;">here’s our best subscription offer.</span></a></em></p> <p><em>Image: Getty Images</em></p>

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10 almost-extinct words you should start using right away

<p><strong>Embrangle</strong></p> <p>Definition: To embroil, confuse, or entangle.</p> <p>Usage: Mother’s plants dangled, I got embrangled, and now I have two sprained ankles.</p> <p><strong>Snollygoster</strong></p> <p>Definition: A shrewd, selfish person, especially a politician.</p> <p>Usage: Next January, the local council voters might elect a snollygoster as a Mayor.</p> <p><strong>Fubsy</strong></p> <p>Definition: Chubby or squat.</p> <p>Usage: Despite my new year’s health resolutions, holiday leftovers kept me fubsy well into March.</p> <p><strong>Recrement</strong></p> <p>Definition: waste matter; scum.</p> <p>Usage: Sanitation workers were understandably cross when my medieval role-play group started dumping their recrement directly into the street.</p> <p><strong>Skirr</strong></p> <p>Definition: A whirring sound, as of the wings of birds in flight.</p> <p>Usage: We heard a mighty skirr overhead when the pigeons left their roost, followed by a plop, followed by an expletive.</p> <p><strong>Frutescent</strong></p> <p>Definition: Resembling or assuming the form of a shrub.</p> <p>Usage: A few weeks without a haircut and my poodle looks positively frutescent.</p> <p><strong>Muliebrity</strong></p> <p>Definition: The condition of being a woman; femininity.</p> <p>Usage: Frank was banned from the sorority due to his remarkable lack of muliebrity.</p> <p><strong>Agrestic</strong></p> <p>Definition: Rural; rustic.</p> <p>Usage: My grandfather had a very agrestic upbringing; his schoolteacher was a horse.</p> <p><strong>Exuviate</strong></p> <p>Definition: To shed; cast off.</p> <p>Usage: It becomes harder to exuviate a bad reputation after you’ve exuviated your pants in public.</p> <p><strong>Skedaddle</strong></p> <p>Definition: To leave a place suddenly.</p> <p>Usage: “Paris is so over,” the hipster bemoaned. “Let’s skedaddle to Amsterdam.”</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared in <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.readersdigest.co.nz/culture/10-almost-extinct-words-you-should-start-using-right-away" target="_blank">Reader's Digest</a>.</em></p>

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10 funny vintage slang words people should start using again

<p><span>In 1909, a British writer recorded thousands of Victorian slang words to make sure they were never forgotten. Now it's your turn to use them.</span></p> <p><strong>Mutton Shunter</strong></p> <p>Definition: Policeman</p> <p>Usage: “Is the Queen in town or something? There’s mutton shunters on every blasted corner!”</p> <p><strong>Gigglemug</strong></p> <p>Definition: An habitually smiling face</p> <p>Usage: “These Miss Universe contestants are just a bunch of gigglemugs.”</p> <p><strong>Fly Rink</strong></p> <p>Definition: A polished bald head</p> <p>Usage: “Be sure to wear glasses if you go outside; Grandpa’s fly rink is blinding today.”</p> <p><strong>Juggins-Hunting</strong></p> <p>Definition: Looking for a man who will pay for liquor</p> <p>Usage: “Jess forgot all her cash at home, so she’s off juggins-hunting again.”</p> <p><strong>Sauce-box</strong></p> <p>Definition: The mouth</p> <p>Usage: “When my kids won’t stop talking, I give them some chips just to fill their little sauce-boxes.”</p> <p><strong>Bags o' Mystery</strong></p> <p>Definition: A satirical term for sausages, because no man but the maker knows what is in them</p> <p>Usage: “Hope there’s no intestine in these bags o’ mystery; I’m trying to cut down on intestine.”</p> <p><strong>Arf'arf'an'arf</strong></p> <p>Definition: A figure of speech, meaning “drunk”</p> <p>Etymology: Order an “arf-an-arf” (or “half-and-half”) in a London pub and you’ll receive a malty cocktail of half black beer, half ale. Add one more ‘arf of beer to the mix and your mug suddenly runneth over; you, chum, must be arf’arf’an’arf – that is, drunk.</p> <p><span>Usage: “Charlie ordered another Guinness? He’s already arf’arf’an’arf!”</span></p> <p><strong>Gas pipes</strong></p> <p>Definition: Name given to trousers when tight</p> <p>Usage: “I just saw this poor hipster get his gas-pipes stuck in his unicycle spokes and totally eat kerb.”</p> <p><strong>Pumblechook</strong></p> <p>Definition: Human ass</p> <p>Etymology: From Uncle Pumblechook, a character in Dickens’ Great Expectations described as “that basest of swindlers”; greedy, pompous and piggish.</p> <p>Usage: “This fat Pumblechook totally cut me off in his ute – then he gave me a sneer at the Macca’s drive-through.”</p> <p><strong>Row-de-dow</strong></p> <p>Definition: Riot</p> <p>Etymology: A play on “row” (vintage slang for “quarrel”) or “rowdy.” Also spelled, “rowdydow.”</p> <p>Usage: “When the police arrived to break up the Scrabble feud it escalated into a full-on row-de-dow.”</p> <p><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">Written by Brandon Specktor. This article first appeared in </span><a rel="noopener" href="https://www.readersdigest.co.nz/true-stories-lifestyle/our-language/10-funny-vintage-slang-words-people-should-start-using-again" target="_blank"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Reader’s Digest</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. For more of what you love from the world’s best-loved magazine, </span><a rel="noopener" href="http://readersdigest.innovations.co.nz/c/readersdigestemailsubscribe?utm_source=over60&amp;utm_medium=articles&amp;utm_campaign=RDSUB&amp;keycode=WRA87V" target="_blank"><span style="font-weight: 400;">here’s our best subscription offer.</span></a></em></p> <p><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">Image: Getty Images</span></em></p> <p><img style="width: 100px !important; height: 100px !important;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7820640/1.png" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/f30947086c8e47b89cb076eb5bb9b3e2" /></p>

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