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9 things you should never touch in someone else’s house

<p><strong>A hands-off approach</strong></p> <p>Nothing like a global pandemic to critically alter your lifelong and intrinsic sanitary practices, huh? And while we know coronavirus does not spread easily from surfaces, there are still plenty of other germs and bacteria that do. And it’s not always a matter of good hygiene – sometimes it’s just a matter of good manners!</p> <p><strong>The door </strong></p> <p>Of course, you can actually touch the door, but you should never do so to let yourself into someone else’s home without them, or without being invited. Always knock or ring the bell, even if it’s been left unlocked, unless someone has expressly told you that you don’t have to. </p> <p>And please, don’t show up knocking earlier than expected – it could be a huge inconvenience to your host.</p> <p><strong>Their bathroom </strong></p> <p>As with most of the things on this list, you should avoid this unless you’re specifically invited. Try not to stray after your trip to the bathroom for a look around – it’s definitely off-limits if you don’t have permission or are going in without your host knowing. Of course, there are exceptions, as it may not be so serious an offence if you know the person very well, or if one lives in a shared living space, a studio, or an apartment with limited space. </p> <p>And on that note, it’s best to wait until you’re invited to sit or relax on someone’s bed. Many people also find that a bedroom is a convenient place to store coats if there are guests coming over, but wait until they offer instead of assuming it’s OK.</p> <p><strong>The floor - with your shoes on</strong></p> <p>Depending on personal preferences or cultural norms, many households have a no-shoes-inside policy. Take the tip from your host – if they’re wearing shoes in their house, you can probably assume it’s OK for you. When in doubt, ask what they would prefer. </p> <p>Another place you shouldn’t be putting your feet? On the couch or coffee table. I can think of five good reasons you should ban shoes in the house, period.</p> <p><strong>The fridge and cupboards </strong></p> <p>This one might sound like it should go without saying, but some might not realize just how rude it is to help yourself to someone else’s food. If you’re hungry, let your host know, or suggest going out to eat. If you’re staying for a long time, your host will probably prepare and shop for food accordingly, but it’s a good idea to offer to bring or buy some groceries yourself. And if you came for dinner, eat what’s been prepared for you, and offer to bring a dish or wine to share. </p> <p>If you have a restricted diet, let your host know beforehand and prepare a dish to bring if it’s difficult to accommodate. Offer to help cook, and lend a hand with the dishes and cleanup. Countertops are absolutely one of those things you should be cleaning every day, regardless.</p> <p><strong>The windows or thermostat</strong></p> <p>Always let your hosts set the thermostat number – it’s their house, after all, and they’re the ones paying the bill for it. If you’re really too cold, a better option might be to ask to borrow a jumper, or extra blankets if you’ll be staying overnight. </p> <p>Too hot? Suggest an activity to help cool off, like going to a place with air conditioning. If you have a medical condition that makes you particularly sensitive to heat or cold, you should always inform your host ahead of time so you can make plans accordingly.</p> <p><strong>Drawers and cabinets</strong></p> <p>This one is definitely invasive of your host’s privacy. Don’t go rummaging for anything that’s not in plain sight or in the rooms your host is expecting you in. You might find it tempting to snoop, but the medicine cabinet is certainly off-limits.</p> <p><strong>Workspaces, mail, or bills</strong></p> <p>To go along with the last one, it’s always best to avoid snooping. In some homes, a guest bedroom might also double as a home office, so steer clear of using these spaces to store your things. You have no idea how they might have organised their things, so try to leave it as is. Not going through someone’s mail is basic manners!</p> <p><strong>Cigarettes or e-cigarettes </strong></p> <p>Unless your host is doing the same and gives you permission, you should never, ever start smoking a cigarette or e-cigarette in someone’s home. This rule is especially inflexible if there are children in the house. Not only can you expose them to the harmful ingredients and chemicals in cigarettes, but the effects – and the smell – can linger long after you’re gone. </p> <p>If you can’t wait, excuse yourself to go outside, and try to move away from doors and windows so it doesn’t waft into the house. Removing the cigarette and cigar smell is quite the cumbersome task. </p> <p><strong>The Wi-Fi</strong></p> <p>Try to refrain from asking for the Wi-Fi password unless you’re a long-term guest or a very frequent visitor. If you’re asking at the beginning of a dinner party, it’s sending the message that you’d rather be on your phone. Try to stay off of your phone as much as possible to really have quality time when you’re visiting.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/true-stories-lifestyle/9-things-you-should-never-touch-in-someone-elses-house" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader's Digest</a>. </em></p>

Home & Garden

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4 ways to support someone with dementia during extreme heat

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/nikki-anne-wilson-342631">Nikki-Anne Wilson</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/unsw-sydney-1414">UNSW Sydney</a></em></p> <p>Our ability to adapt our behaviour to changes in temperature takes a significant amount of thought and decision making. For example, we need to identify suitable clothing, increase our fluid intake, and understand how to best keep the house cool.</p> <p>A person with dementia may find some or all these things challenging. These and other factors mean, for someone with dementia, extreme heat <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31520832/#:%7E:text=Conclusion%3A%20Heatwaves%20increased%20the%20risk,heat%2Drelated%20Alzheimer's%20disease%20burden.">can be deadly</a>.</p> <p>But as the temperature rises, friends, relatives and carers can help.</p> <h2>El Niño means there are challenges ahead</h2> <p>The recent declaration of <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-09-19/bureau-of-meteorology-el-nino-blog/102875154">another El Niño</a> means we need to think about how we can best support those more vulnerable to be safe during the warmer months.</p> <p>Extreme heat and bushfires bring unique challenges for someone with dementia.</p> <p>Bushfires have a significant impact on older people’s mental health. But they generally <a href="https://www.health.act.gov.au/sites/default/files/2023-03/PATH_Impact%20of%202019-20%20Bushfires%20on%20a%20Cohort%20of%20Older%20Adults_REPORT_V3_0.pdf">bounce back</a> quickly.</p> <p>However, for someone with dementia, extreme heat can lead to a <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0013935119305110">significant deterioration</a> in their overall health and they may not recover.</p> <p>Emergency evacuations can also be confusing and distressing for a person with dementia, so it is important to think ahead.</p> <h2>Why are people with dementia more at risk?</h2> <p>Dementia can affect the parts of the brain that help <a href="https://academic.oup.com/brain/article/138/11/3360/332653?login=true">regulate</a> our body temperature. Some <a href="https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0243665">medications</a> can also increase someone’s sensitivity to heat.</p> <p>Problems with memory and thinking associated with dementia <a href="https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/daily-living/drinking-hydration">means</a> remembering to drink or communicating you are thirsty can be challenging.</p> <p>Heat can affect everyone’s mood. But if someone with dementia becomes dehydrated this can <a href="https://www.alzdiscovery.org/cognitive-vitality/blog/can-dehydration-impair-cognitive-function">increase</a> confusion and agitation, making it harder for them to know how to cool down.</p> <p>A person with dementia can also wander and become lost, which can be dangerous in extreme heat.</p> <h2>4 ways to support someone with dementia</h2> <p><strong>1. Avoid dehydration and heatstroke</strong></p> <p>Try to avoid dehydration by encouraging someone to drink throughout the day. It’s better to have <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31769256/">small amounts</a> of liquid regularly instead of a large amount all at once. Little and often will help maximise hydration while avoiding sudden trips to <a href="https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/dementia-continence-issues#causes-of-incontinence-in-people-with-dementia">the bathroom</a>.</p> <p>Try to offer different types of drinks, or ice blocks. Placing drinks in sight can help as a reminder to drink. Choose foods with a high liquid content, such as fruit, salads, cool broths and yoghurt.</p> <p>Look out for <a href="https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/hot-weather-safety-older-adults#:%7E:text=Signs%20of%20heat%20stroke%20are,as%20under%20shade%20or%20indoors.">signs of heatstroke</a>, such as increased confusion beyond what the person would usually experience. Heatstroke may be more difficult to spot in someone living with dementia so it is important to check in when possible and to help them cool down if needed.</p> <p><strong>2. Cool the home</strong></p> <p>Try to modify their home to make it easier to stay cool. Some air-conditioners have complex settings so make sure the temperature is set appropriately and the person with dementia knows how to use the controls.</p> <p>It is important to keep blinds and curtains shut where possible to reduce heat. However, ensure the <a href="https://www.scie.org.uk/dementia/supporting-people-with-dementia/dementia-friendly-environments/lighting.asp">lighting is adequate</a> to avoid falls.</p> <p>Try to support the person to make suitable clothing choices for the season by having cool, lightweight options easily available.</p> <p><strong>3. Think about communications early</strong></p> <p>If someone with dementia lives alone, consider how you will maintain contact in an emergency.</p> <p>Some people may not realise many landlines don’t work in a power outage, and of course, mobile phones can’t be recharged. Ensure the person with dementia has access to an <a href="https://www.telstra.com.au/support/category/home-phone/uninterruptible-power-supply">uninterruptable power supply</a>. This can help maintain communication for a few hours in a blackout.</p> <p><strong>4. Have an evacuation plan</strong></p> <p>In case of fire, flash flooding or severe storm, <a href="https://dementiaresearch.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/2447_DCRC_Prep_natural_disaster_EBook_5.pdf">have an evacuation plan</a>. If the person with dementia attends a day or respite centre, know their plan too.</p> <p>The situation can change quickly in an emergency, and this can be particularly overwhelming for people with cognitive issues.</p> <p>Understand that someone with dementia may become distressed when their routine is disrupted. So be prepared with some simple activities or comfort items, current medications, and any specific medical information.</p> <p>Stay up-to-date with <a href="http://www.bom.gov.au/">current warnings</a> and act early whenever possible.</p> <h2>We can all help</h2> <p>It’s not just carers of people with dementia who can help. We can all ensure people with dementia stay safe and cool this spring and summer.</p> <p>So remember to check in on your relatives, friends and neighbours or arrange for someone to do so on your behalf.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/213987/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/nikki-anne-wilson-342631"><em>Nikki-Anne Wilson</em></a><em>, Postdoctoral Research Fellow, Neuroscience Research Australia (NeuRA), <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/unsw-sydney-1414">UNSW Sydney</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/4-ways-to-support-someone-with-dementia-during-extreme-heat-213987">original article</a>.</em></p>

Body

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What not to say when someone comes out as LGBTQ+ (and what to say instead)

<p><strong>"Are you sure?"</strong></p> <p>People who identify as LGBTQ+ often struggle a great deal with their own feelings before they make the nerve-wracking decision to come out. Despite your best intentions, responding to this by asking, “Are you sure?” may be seen as calling into question the emotional journey that brought them to that point. </p> <p>Instead of expressing what might be interpreted as doubt, you could perhaps say, “It’s always good to know what you like and want. Thanks for coming out to me.”</p> <p><strong>"It must have been tough for your parents"</strong></p> <p>Yes, it could have been tough for the parents. But guess what? It was harder on the individual for even longer – and in more intense ways than you can imagine. Staying in the closet is not a very comfortable position for a self-accepting person, but it’s an even harder journey to get to that point of self-acceptance. LGBTQ+ individuals have battled real fears of being attacked, abandoned, discriminated against and disadvantaged. </p> <p>In fact, LGBTQ+ youth are three times more likely to commit suicide than their heterosexual counterparts. Although it’s reasonable to show empathy for their parents, it’s poorly-timed here. Instead, try, “I hope you are coping well with your parents’ response. I am here to talk if you need to. Thanks for coming out me.”</p> <p><strong>"Why didn't you tell me before?"</strong></p> <p>Well, it’s likely because they were afraid. It’s not because you are a monster, but because they love you and feared losing you as a result of coming out. The important thing is to not take it personally. When a loved one comes out, you are being called on to show targeted and urgent empathy. While your pain of being “left out” is real, it can wait a day or two. </p> <p>Right now, your focus should be how to celebrate your loved one’s life and the choices they’ve made, including the one of having just come out to you. Kick off the celebration by saying, “I am so proud that you have chosen to live your truth in front of me. Thanks for being authentic with me.”</p> <p><strong>"Are you the man or the woman in the relationship?"</strong></p> <p>More than anything, this question demonstrates a fundamental ignorance of the concept of same-sex love. It also misplaces the focus on the sexual act (rather than on identity) at a time when they’re in a vulnerable state. When a person comes out, they’re opening their hearts to you and sharing the emotional reality of who they are as individuals. </p> <p>Instead of asking this question, reinforce how grateful you are that the person has had the courage to come out to you, and say, “I accept you for who you are. Thank you for coming out to me.”</p> <p><strong>"Would you be my gay bestie?"</strong></p> <p>People who identify as LGBTQ+ can be good (or insufferable) company just like any other human being, but the point is, they are human beings and not objects or accessories as the pop culture depiction of the “gay bestie” might have you believe. </p> <p>Instead of this response, take this opportunity to reaffirm your loving, supportive relationship: “You are brave and honest, and this makes me respect you even more. Thanks for coming out to me.”</p> <p><strong>"I knew it!"</strong></p> <p>This particularly hurtful response is generally remarked when a “feminine” man or “butch” woman comes out. Many gender non-conforming individuals try very hard to either tone-down or manage their sexuality in public for fear of homophobia. </p> <p>By saying “I knew it!,” you’re inadvertently suggesting that their sexuality or gender non-conformity was being gossiped about behind their back in a sneaky, judgmental manner, which could, in turn, lead the person to feel that staying in the closet was a safer option than coming out. To avoid this situation, stick with a response of, “I’m honoured you chose to come out to me. Thank you.”</p> <p><strong>"But you're so masculine!"</strong></p> <p>On the opposite end of the spectrum lies this response, indicating disbelief that a “manly” man could be gay, or that a “feminine” woman could be lesbian. Being in the closet is an alienating experience; responding to an individual’s coming-out with a comment that suggests they don’t conform to their “new” sexual identity either can be just as alienating. </p> <p>A better response could be, simply, “I didn’t know, but I’m so grateful you came out to me. Thank you.”</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.co.nz/true-stories-lifestyle/relationships/what-not-to-say-when-someone-comes-out-as-lgbtq-and-what-to-say-instead" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader's Digest</a>. </em></p>

Relationships

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“How do you pay someone for 20 years?”: Folbigg’s big compensation question

<p>Since her <a href="https://www.oversixty.co.nz/news/news/kathleen-folbigg-pardoned-after-20-years-behind-bars" target="_blank" rel="noopener">release from prison</a>, Kathleen Folbigg has been the centre of a media frenzy, with networks battling it out to secure an exclusive tell-all interview.</p> <p>Following a fierce bidding war, Seven Network has won the rights over Nine for the interview believed to have cost more than $400,000.</p> <p>A source from Seven said the exclusive interview will be aired on the Sunday evening current affairs show, <em>7News Spotlight</em>.</p> <p>Others have proposed the deal has cost the network close to $1 million.</p> <p>The deal could see her on the list of select few Australians awarded seven-figure sums in light of their wrongful convictions, including Linda Chamberlain.</p> <p>Chamberlain’s lawyer Stuart Tipple said Folbigg needs to be declared innocent and be given compensation for her years in prison, noting she had a solid case.</p> <p>“The sad thing is all she can get is money, how do you pay someone for 20 years?” he said.</p> <p>“And also, I think we need to reflect on an injustice just doesn’t affect Kathleen.</p> <p>“I feel tonight very much for her husband and the father of those children and the injustice that just affects so many people, so many lives.</p> <p>“I feel very, very badly for him tonight and I just think of the whole process of just how harmful it is to them and to our society and our confidence in the whole judicial system.”</p> <p>Robyn Blewer, director of the Griffith University Innocence Project, noted two recent cases to illustrate how Folbigg could be compensated for her 7,300 days in jail.</p> <p>West Australian man Scott Austic received $1.3 million in May 2023 on top of an earlier payment of $250,000 after serving nearly 13 years for murdering his pregnant secret lover.</p> <p>He had sought $8.5 million after being acquitted on appeal in 2020.</p> <p>Both payments were ex gratis, unlike David Eastman’s award of $7 million in damages by the ACT Supreme Court in 2019.</p> <p>Eastman served almost 19 years over the 1989 shooting murder of federal police assistance commissioner Colin Winchester, where he was acquitted at a second trial.</p> <p>"The difference is it was in ACT which has a human rights act and under that, there is an entitlement for compensation under human rights," Dr Blewer told AAP.</p> <p>"Mr Eastman was then able to sue because there was a right to compensation.</p> <p>"The court assessed his damages in the same way they would a tort ... the court went through every time he was injured.”</p> <p>Like Austic, Chamberlain was awarded an ex grata or grace payment. She was awarded $1.3 million in 1992 which now equates to about $3 million.</p> <p>Folbigg will need specific legal advice about whether a civil claim is possible due to NSW lacking a human rights act like that of the ACT.</p> <p>Dr Blewer said she could become reliant on what the government was willing to pay.</p> <p>"Twenty years is a substantial amount of time lost," she said.</p> <p>"It might depend on the good grace of the NSW government."</p> <p>No further steps can be taken until Folbigg’s lawyers obtain the final report of former Chief Justice Tom Bathurst.</p> <p>An application to the NSW Court of Criminal Appeal to quash her convictions will likely follow.</p> <p><em>Image credit: Facebook / Instagram</em></p>

Legal

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When someone living with dementia is distressed or violent, ‘de-escalation’ is vital

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/steve-macfarlane-4722">Steve Macfarlane</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/monash-university-1065">Monash University</a></em></p> <p>Today’s <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-05-18/cooma-aged-care-home-police-woman-in-hospital-taser/102361018">reporting</a> about the alleged tasering of a 95-year-old woman living at the Yallambee Lodge aged care home in New South Wales has brought the issue of behaviours and psychological symptoms of dementia into <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-05-19/advocates-say-taser-clare-nowland-shows-aged-system-failure-/102365442">sharp focus</a>.</p> <p>Over half of those living in residential care <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/dementia/dementia-in-aus/contents/aged-care-and-support-services-used-by-people-with-dementia/residential-aged-care">have a dementia diagnosis</a> and up to 95% of those living with dementia will <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK551552/#:%7E:text=Behavioral%20and%20psychological%20symptoms%20of,%2C%20and%20caregiver%20well%2Dbeing.">experience such behaviours</a> at some point during their passage through the illness. Common behaviours that might be shown by those living with advanced dementia include agitation, anxiety, attempts to leave care, aggression, apathy, sleep disturbance, aimless pacing, psychosis and aggression.</p> <p>The full circumstances surrounding Wednesday’s events are unclear and they are subject to an <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-05-19/advocates-say-taser-clare-nowland-shows-aged-system-failure-/102365442">investigation</a> by police. That may take some time. What is clear, however, is that there is much room for improvement in the way behaviours and psychological symptoms of dementia are managed in residential care. Situations that end with police involvement should be avoided.</p> <h2>Calling for help</h2> <p>In its final report in March 2021, the <a href="https://agedcare.royalcommission.gov.au/">Royal Commission into Aged Care Quality and Safety</a> <a href="https://agedcare.royalcommission.gov.au/sites/default/files/2021-03/final-report-recommendations.pdf">recommended</a> “all workers engaged by providers who are involved in direct contact with people seeking or receiving services in the aged care system undertake regular training about dementia care and palliative care”.</p> <p>Currently, it is not infrequent for police to be called to respond to incidents in care homes. While programs have been implemented to better equip police to respond to the specific need of those <a href="https://www.nationaltribune.com.au/police-and-psos-better-equipped-to-support-people-living-with-dementia/">living with dementia</a> this work is still in its infancy.</p> <p>Aggression and agitation are two of the most common behavioural symptoms that lead to referral to specialist support services.</p> <p>Dementia Support Australia is a Commonwealth-funded service that has supported aged care homes and home-based carers in managing behaviours and psychological symptoms of dementia since 2016. There were <a href="https://www.aihw.gov.au/reports/dementia/dementia-in-aus/contents/aged-care-and-support-services-used-by-people-with-dementia/dementia-support-australia">8,702 referrals</a> to the service between January and June 2022. The number of referrals has increased in recent years.</p> <p>As an organisation at the frontline of dementia support, we extend our deepest sympathies to the 95-year-old aged care resident, her family, Yallambee Lodge staff and everyone else touched by this devastating incident.</p> <p>One of the advantages of having a national service such as this is that it has enabled the development of a national database that documents not only the nature and severity of the behaviours prompting the referral, but those factors that are most commonly identified as triggers for these behaviours.</p> <h2>3 leading causes</h2> <p>Aggression and agitation are not diagnoses in themselves, but symptoms. Symptoms have causes, and these must be identified in order to adequately address behaviour.</p> <p>The leading contributing factors we have identified in relation to behaviours are:</p> <p><strong>1. Unidentified or under-treated pain</strong></p> <p>This is relevant in over 50% of the cases we see. Earlier research on pain management in the setting of advanced dementia has shown those with a dementia diagnosis who are admitted to hospital with hip fractures tend to be prescribed only a fraction of the analgesia given to <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10799790/">those without dementia</a>.</p> <p><strong>2. Carer approach</strong></p> <p>Care staff receive only minimal levels of training in dementia care as part of their basic qualification and are often unfamiliar with communication strategies tailored towards those with cognitive impairment.</p> <p>Currently, the minimum qualification for a personal care worker involves no compulsory units in <a href="https://www.dementia.org.au/about-us/news-and-stories/news/are-aged-care-workers-required-have-dementia-training">dementia competency</a>. While we do not know the full circumstances from the events this week, the Royal Commission has made recommendations to improve care for those living with dementia. Carer approach is an issue in about a third of the cases we see.</p> <p><strong>3. Over- and under-stimulation</strong></p> <p>In about one quarter of Dementia Support Australia cases boredom and loneliness and/or an environment that does not take into account the specific needs of those living with dementia are an issue.</p> <p>Other common causes of changed behaviour include mood and anxiety disorders, communication difficulties, <a href="https://theconversation.com/what-is-delirium-194631">delirium</a>, sleep problems and poor carer knowledge of the specific likes/dislikes of the individuals they are caring for.</p> <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/WE65yrnsrPk?wmode=transparent&amp;start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe><figcaption><span class="caption">People with dementia may react to uncertainty in unexpected ways.</span></figcaption></figure> <h2>Prevention and calming things down</h2> <p>The best way to manage most behavioural changes is to prevent the circumstances that lead to their development in the first place. Prevention is always better than cure.</p> <p>Once behaviours are occurring, there is no single correct way to <a href="https://www.dementia.org.au/national/support-and-services/carers/behaviour-changes/aggressive-behaviours">de-escalate</a> them. The appropriate de-escalation strategies will always be specific to what has caused the altered behaviour in the first place.</p> <p>Unfortunately, when behaviours have escalated to the point where police attendance is required, the responding officers are unlikely to be equipped with the necessary information about the person and their circumstances. That means they won’t be equipped to respond with effective and specific de-escalation strategies.</p> <p>One case in the United States from 2020 involved the arrest of a 73-year-old woman living with dementia, who had left a local store without paying for items <a href="https://edition.cnn.com/2021/04/27/us/loveland-police-officers-video-use-of-force/index.html">worth a small amount</a>. A <a href="https://edition.cnn.com/2021/04/16/us/loveland-lawsuit-use-of-force-arrest/index.html">lawsuit</a> filed following the arrest alleged it resulted in a fractured arm and a dislocated shoulder, and raised national concerns about the way first responders interact with those experiencing cognitive disabilities.</p> <p>Australia needs to learn from yesterday’s events and respond.</p> <p><em>If you are caring for someone with dementia there is help available. <a href="https://www.dementia.com.au/">Dementia Support Australia</a> is a free service, fully funded by the Australian government. Referrals can be made 24-hours a day by calling 1800 699 799.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/205988/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock</em></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/steve-macfarlane-4722">Steve Macfarlane</a>, Head of Clinical Services, dementia Support Australia, &amp; Associate Professor of Psychiatry, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/monash-university-1065">Monash University</a></em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/when-someone-living-with-dementia-is-distressed-or-violent-de-escalation-is-vital-205988">original article</a>.</em></p>

Mind

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Readers respond: What did someone do on a plane that made you say "You've gotta be kidding me"?

<p>We've all encountered our fair share of difficult fellow passengers when travelling, but these people took it to the next level. </p> <p>We asked our readers what the worst thing a fellow plane passenger has done, and here's what they said. </p> <p><strong>Carolyn Korlaki</strong> - It seems that every time I get on a flight the person in front of me puts their seat right back. Makes it very hard to read, eat, watch a movie, very annoying.....</p> <p><strong>Jan Ceeney</strong> - Person next to me in the window seat pulled the shade down for the whole trip. I couldn’t see anything. My first plane trip! Very disappointing.</p> <p><strong>Sue Robson</strong> - Recently flew with hubby to Asia. Me window seat, hubby middle and gentleman on end. The guy proceeded to to eat egg sandwiches he brought with him then spent the entire flight farting. It was horrendously bad.</p> <p><strong>Jennifer Pearce</strong> - Parents putting their children in seats behind there's then going to sleep and leaving their frightened child coughing and crying all night. Parents should split up and sit with their own children on 13 hour flights.</p> <p><strong>Joy Bollmeyer</strong> - A huge over weight man shirt undone then unzipped his trousers, adjusted himself then sat down with everything still undone!</p> <p><strong>Kathleen Black</strong> - Flight from Sydney to Doha a child kicked the back of my chair the whole way…..I couldn’t contain myself so I had something to say. And that was in business class!</p> <p><strong>Pip Minikin</strong> - Got her nail polish out and painted her nails.</p> <p><strong>Denis Davis</strong> - Passenger beside me talking on the phone while taking off.</p> <p><strong>Michael Baker</strong> - Gave me Covid. </p> <p><strong>Jo Bolland</strong> - Sitting next to a Korean couple, he put his head on her lap and she popped his pimples. He hawked and spat and helped himself to anything he fancied from her tray.</p> <p><strong>Dot Turner</strong> - I usually had the same kicking of seats on flight, not from children, but from adults who are arrogant and should know better. </p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p>

Travel Trouble

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A dating coach’s guide to making a lasting impression with that special someone

<p><em><strong>Monica Parikh is a lawyer, writer, and dating coach. She started the <a href="http://www.schooloflovenyc.com" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="text-decoration: underline;">School of Love in New York City</span></a> to help men and women develop happier and healthier relationships.</strong></em></p> <p>When my ex-husband disappeared, I unexpectedly got divorced at 36 years old. I went back on the dating market--after a 10-year hiatus. Flirting was the best tool in my arsenal (besides an optimistic attitude). Before long, I was meeting men in all sorts of places—the subway, elevators, the gym, and airports.</p> <p>In my coaching practice, I often see women and men who have forgotten how to flirt. Oh, the pity! Flirting adds spicy intrigue to the mundane. If you’re single, it’s a wonderful way to signal availability and interest. If you’re in a relationship, it helps maintain spark and fuels passion. A little simple flirting says to the world, “I’m alive!”</p> <p>Flirtation is simply the art of conversation amped up a notch. I’ve always been a good flirt, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become a better—mostly because I’ve grown in confidence and self-esteem. A few key tips:</p> <p><strong>1. Radiate strength</strong></p> <p>Naked selfies aren’t sexy. Neither is telling your life story on a first date. Real sexiness stems from the ability to tickle the imagination and create intrigue. Less exhibitionism, fewer words, and more confidence fuel desire.</p> <p><strong>2. Smile</strong></p> <p>Smile big and often — it lights up your face and says that you’re approachable and warm. It is the green light that gives others confidence to approach you and start conversation.</p> <p><strong>3. Be playfully combative</strong></p> <p>When we’re attracted to someone, we often veer toward being overly agreeable and conciliatory. Talk about throwing cold water on a spark! Being challenging, feisty, and a bit unpredictable (while still being nice) is very sexy. My partner and I often playfully spar with words. Intelligent banter makes for a very flirtatious (and fun) relationship.</p> <p><strong>4. Create an air of mystery</strong></p> <p>When I was single, a stranger on an elevator once offered to walk me to the subway with his umbrella during a rainstorm. When we arrived, he asked for my number. I demurred, saying that I don’t talk to strangers. (Wink.) He offered his card. I took it but made no promises. He was handsome and charismatic, so I knew he was used to having women chase him.</p> <p>I waited several days (to build intrigue) and sent him a one-sentence email. He responded immediately, admitting that he checked his email constantly for word from me. Not knowing where the other person stands fuels desire. So, hold your cards close to your chest.</p> <p><strong>5. Laugh</strong></p> <p>We’re all a little too serious. Take a ribbing. Give a ribbing. Laugh until your sides ache. Dating and romance are supposed to be fun, after all.</p> <p><strong>6. Tap into your feminine (or masculine) energy</strong></p> <p>I have a serious job as a lawyer during the day, so I make deliberate efforts to tap into my softer side after work. I often go home, take a bath and change clothes before a date. I love jewel-colored dresses, red lipstick, and French perfume. This little ritual “washes” the 9-to-5 off me and helps me tap into a different energy/vibration. Each person’s formula is unique, but spend time figuring out the clothing, style, and rituals that bring about the most authentic and empowered you.</p> <p><strong>7. Ask questions</strong></p> <p>Conversation with a stranger can be daunting. My advice? Show interest in your beloved’s work, hobbies, family, and interests. Sit back and relax while they open up. You will glean key insights. And I guarantee they will remember you as an amazing conversationalist while they have performed the bulk of the work.</p> <p><strong>8. Say a person's name — often</strong></p> <p>My game changed for the better after reading Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. While technically not a dating book, it’s a wonderful guide on how to be a more engaging person. Carnegie says that someone's name is "to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” Pay attention when someone introduces themselves. Repeat their name back immediately. Sprinkle it throughout conversation. Be amazed at the result.</p> <p><strong>9. Show warmth</strong></p> <p>Gently touching someone’s hand or back is a wonderful way to show interest. Be respectful of another person’s space. It’s not about draping yourself all over them (or being clingy), which is a big turn-off. It’s about small signals of interest, respectfully scattered here and there.</p> <p><strong>10. Be original</strong></p> <p>Successful flirting is about being 100 percent you. Personally, I’m an extroverted nerd who loves the public library, backpacking through Asia, Wes Anderson films, and 1970's soul music. Don’t be afraid to stand out from the crowd. Accept that what makes you unique also makes you memorable. That is the most powerful vibrational frequency you can live in — and one that will surely attract an ideal partner.</p> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

Relationships

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“A letter that someone will never forget”: Charles’ $43,000 job offer

<p dir="ltr">Charles and Camilla have put out a call for help with their royal duties, searching for a passionate wordsmith to pen responses to the thousands of letters they receive each year. </p> <p dir="ltr">Their request comes in the form of a one-year contract <a href="https://theroyalhousehold.tal.net/vx/lang-en-GB/mobile-0/appcentre-1/brand-3/candidate/so/pm/1/pl/4/opp/2849-Assistant-Correspondence-Officer/en-GB">posted to the palace’s official website</a>, for an individual to “support the important work of The King and The Royal Family”. Coincidentally, the position advertises a start date of May 2023 - the same month in which King Charles III’s coronation will take place. </p> <p dir="ltr">The royals are offering a wage slightly above the United Kingdom’s minimum wage of 10.42 GBP (~19.45 AUD) per hour, with prospective writers looking at an hourly rate of 11.79 (~22.01) on top of the advertised “benefits”.</p> <p dir="ltr">According to the job listing, the ideal candidate is someone who dreams of “drafting a letter that someone will never forget” as part of a like minded team committed to supporting the royal family and engaging with the public. </p> <p dir="ltr">“Thousands of letters addressed to The Monarch and Royal Family are received every year,” the ad explains. “Working as part of the Correspondence team, your challenge will be to ensure that each one receives a timely and well composed response.</p> <p dir="ltr">“Every day you will respond to letters sent by the public regarding social, community and national matters, drafting bespoke responses to answer varying and often unique queries.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Reportedly, the letters sent in one year to the late Queen Elizabeth II amounted to around 70,000, so it’s no small surprise that the family have opted to call in reinforcements to make sure each one receives a thoughtfully crafted response. </p> <p dir="ltr">“It's working in a team with a shared and unique purpose,” the website notes, “engaging with the public whilst supporting The King's role. This is what makes working for The Royal Household so exceptional … Recording and monitoring all correspondence, you'll be proud of the number of letters you handle and this will drive you to deliver consistently high standards.</p> <p dir="ltr">“In this way, you will help to support the important work of The King and The Royal Family.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Unsurprisingly, the ad calls for someone who is confident in their ability to process large volumes of work according to strict deadlines, and who preferably has previous experience in administrative duties. “Excellent written and verbal communication skills” are, of course, a given. </p> <p dir="ltr">The listing hints at a digital sidekick, noting that applications should “have strong IT skills” that they can apply to “bespoke systems”, as well as a “keen eye for detail” to deliver their work quickly and accurately. </p> <p dir="ltr">Most of all, however, enjoyment in a team-based environment is crucial, while an interest in current affairs couldn’t hurt - especially in such a “truly unique environment”. </p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

Money & Banking

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The best way to ask someone on a date

<p>It seems Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan were onto something in their 1998 rom-com <em>You’ve Got Mail.</em></p> <p>Sending an email is more romantic than calling when asking someone on a date, according to a study from Indiana University.</p> <p>The findings, published in the journal Computers in Human Behaviour, probably comes as no surprise considering just how technologically-reliant society has become.</p> <p>“Email’s been in the popular consciousness since the 1990s and if you look at the new generation of millennials … they’ve grown up with email and text messaging, so it may not be as unnatural a medium as we at first thought,” co-author Alan Dennis told Phys.org.</p> <p>Conventional wisdom has it that emails or texting are poor forms of communicating emotion, that a call is a more intimate way to connect, but this new research suggests otherwise.</p> <p>"When writing romantic emails, senders consciously or subconsciously added more positive content to their messages, perhaps to compensate for the medium's inability to convey vocal tone," the researchers wrote in their paper</p> <p>Researchers found when writing emails, people took more time to choose their words to ensure that it conveyed what they wanted it too.</p> <p>"The bottom line is that email is much better when you want to convey some information that you want someone to think about,” Dennis said.</p> <p>Dennis added their findings run counter to the commonly held belief that the further we get from face-to-face communication, the less genuine and effective it becomes.</p> <p>"There's a lot of theory that says email and other text communications don't really work very well," he said. "We should probably go back and reconsider a lot of the stereotypical assumptions that we hold about email and text messaging that may not hold true when we take a deeper look at how people react physiologically."</p> <p>While their research finds email may be the best choice to convey feelings, Dennis says there is clearly still a place for face-to-face meetings, phone calls, and other forms of direct communication.</p> <p>“If something isn’t really clear and you want to make sure that everyone has the same understanding of what something means, that’s best done in phone calls, face-to-face meetings or video conferencing,” he said.</p> <p><em>Image: Getty</em></p>

Relationships

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How to tell if someone is trustworthy

<p>Trust is a key ingredient of success in any relationship whether it is platonic, romantic or business. But how do you know if you can trust somebody or if you should run for the hills? What exactly is the difference between someone who is trustworthy and someone who isn’t? Sometimes it’s very obvious, sometimes it isn’t. Some people have a natural instinct for detecting untrustworthy characters while some of us might need a bit of help to develop the skill. Assessing trustworthiness takes time and there are always individual circumstances to consider but here are a few things to look out for.</p> <p><strong>Honest</strong></p> <p>A trustworthy person is an honest person. Someone who is constantly lying is probably hiding something. Always consider intentions and there are sometimes benign reasons why somebody might tell a white lie, but if someone is continually being dishonest, warning bells should be going off! Sometimes it’s difficult to determine if someone is lying though. Here are some things to consider:</p> <ul> <li>The person repeats your question or doesn’t answer the questions. For example, “That’s a good question.” This may be a signal to buy time to form a response.</li> <li>The person is always reminding you how honest and trustworthy they are. For example, “I would never lie, I’m an honest person.”</li> <li>The person makes very showy and boastful claims but none of it can be verified or validated. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.</li> </ul> <p><strong>Reliable</strong></p> <p>Being reliable and dependable is the hallmark of a trustworthy person. Of course, people do let us down from time to time but a consistently unreliable person is usually untrustworthy.</p> <ul> <li>The person constantly does not do what they say they will even if explicitly promised. There is always a reason though such as an unpredictable drama.</li> <li>The person is always late for appointments, meetings or dates with you.</li> <li>The person is never available to see or meet you.</li> <li>The person’s words and actions contradict. Untrustworthy people will make a lot of claims but when actions consistently don’t follow words, red flags should be appearing.</li> </ul> <p><strong>Communication</strong></p> <p>A trustworthy person will be open, transparent and attentive in their communication whereas those who might have something to hide are heavily focused on themselves.</p> <ul> <li>The person constantly talks themselves up with boastful statements and criticises or tears other people down. If the person is gossiping about someone else, what’s to stop them doing the same to you?</li> <li>The person does not support or encourage you. Instead they play down or make a joke about your thoughts, ideas and accomplishments.</li> <li>The person is never forthcoming with information about themselves. You have to constantly ask questions but they try and redirect the conversation or reply with partial truths.</li> </ul> <p><strong>Intuition</strong></p> <p>Your gut-feeling is perhaps your most important tool and it’s usually correct. Don’t ignore feelings of anxiousness or wariness. We often want to think the best of people but if your gut is telling you something is up with this person, it might be right. Look out for the other indicators and if any of them are sounding familiar, combined with your intuition, make an exit, fast!</p> <p><em>Image: Getty Images</em></p>

Relationships

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"Someone give them a raise": Hilarious way ground crew entertained trapped passengers

<p>Two very creative ground-crew air marshalls have enjoyed a brush with instant viral fame after hilarious footage of them entertaining passengers stuck on a delayed plane was shared to TikTok.</p> <p>Fortunately for the poor passengers stranded on the British Airways plane last month due to engineering issues, two nearby air marshalls were determined to pass the time and distract them following the tediously long delay, using their glowing marshalling wands to put on an entertaining performance.</p> <p>Air Marshall Quinten Moshy posted a video of his antics on TikTok, which quickly racked up close to 1 million views.</p> <p>"Put this in every ramp agent's job description," he joked in the caption.</p> <p>The video showed the two airport workers using their marshalling wands as if they were light sabres and acting out dramatic battle scenes. Committed to the performance, the marshalls ducked and weaved, while one pretended to die after he was 'struck'.</p> <p>Other antics included creating glowing smiley faces and hearts on the tarmac and dancing the moves to the song 'Y.M.C.A'.</p> <blockquote class="tiktok-embed" style="max-width: 605px; min-width: 325px;" cite="https://www.tiktok.com/@quintenmoshy/video/7117811535212301614" data-video-id="7117811535212301614"> <section><a title="@quintenmoshy" href="https://www.tiktok.com/@quintenmoshy?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@quintenmoshy</a> Put this in every ramp agent’s job description <a title="airport" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/airport?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#airport</a> <a title="airplane" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/airplane?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#airplane</a> <a title="travel" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/travel?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#travel</a> <a title="rampagent" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/rampagent?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#rampagent</a> <a title="pilot" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/pilot?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#pilot</a> <a title="bayarea" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/bayarea?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#bayarea</a> <a title="california" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/california?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#california</a> <a title="london" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/london?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#london</a> <a title="787" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/787?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#787</a> <a title="vacation" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/vacation?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#vacation</a> <a title="work" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/work?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#work</a> <a title="fyp" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/fyp?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#fyp</a> <a title="ymca" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/ymca?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#ymca</a> <a title="minions" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/minions?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#minions</a> <a title="starwars" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/starwars?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#starwars</a> <a title="lightsaber" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/lightsaber?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#lightsaber</a> <a title="happy" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/happy?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#happy</a> <a title="aviation" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/aviation?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#aviation</a> <a title="love" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/love?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#love</a> <a title="♬ Y.M.C.A. - The Minions" href="https://www.tiktok.com/music/YMCA-6795407731260917762?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">♬ Y.M.C.A. - The Minions</a></section> </blockquote> <p>TikTok users really enjoyed the goofy act and one person said they should find a video from someone stranded on the plane so we could see what THEY were seeing out their windows.</p> <p>"Someone find the passengers POV," they wrote.</p> <p>Sure enough, fellow viewers pulled through and pointed to TikTok user Abi Smith, who had created her own video of the dramatic antics of the air marshalls.</p> <p>"POV: [Point of View]: Your plane gets delayed so the marshalls put on a performance." she captioned the video.</p> <blockquote class="tiktok-embed" style="max-width: 605px; min-width: 325px;" cite="https://www.tiktok.com/@abi_smithxxx/video/7117374061935676678" data-video-id="7117374061935676678"> <section><a title="@abi_smithxxx" href="https://www.tiktok.com/@abi_smithxxx?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">@abi_smithxxx</a> <a title="britishairways" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/britishairways?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#britishairways</a> <a title="delayed" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/delayed?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#delayed</a> <a title="marshallers" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/marshallers?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">#marshallers</a> <a title="♬ Angeleyes (Sped Up Version) - april aries bae (SVT)" href="https://www.tiktok.com/music/Angeleyes-Sped-Up-Version-7089425867910236954?refer=embed" target="_blank" rel="noopener">♬ Angeleyes (Sped Up Version) - april aries bae (SVT)</a></section> </blockquote> <p>People commented, saying the entertaining pair deserved a reward for their dedication.</p> <p>"Give the performers an applause," wrote one person.</p> <p>"Someone give them a raise," another added.</p> <p><em>Image: TikTok</em></p>

Travel Trouble

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Four questions to ask yourself before dating someone from the office

<p>In the digital age, online dating and swiping right are the status quo for romance. Practically gone are the days of meeting “the one” in a pub. But what about flirting by the water cooler or over Zoom? The consensual office relationship has been both a romance trope and a <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-matt-hancocks-private-life-is-very-much-in-the-public-interest-163444" target="_blank" rel="noopener">taboo</a> for decades.</p> <p>There are many reasons someone might enter a workplace relationship. Research shows that people gravitate towards like-minded people with common personality traits, backgrounds, belief systems and ideas. Proximity and familiarity also influence attraction, something psychologists call the <a href="https://www.neuroscience.org.uk/proximity-mere-exposure-effect-social-psychology/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">mere exposure effect</a>.</p> <p>For better or for worse, offices are a place where like-minded people are in close proximity to each other for many hours, so it’s no surprise that many people are open to love at work. A <a href="https://yougov.co.uk/topics/lifestyle/articles-reports/2020/02/13/how-do-brits-find-love" target="_blank" rel="noopener">2020 YouGov poll</a> found that 18% of Brits met their current or most recent partner through work.</p> <p>If you’re thinking about entering a relationship with your desk neighbour, or even your boss, here are some things to consider.</p> <h2>1. Is it a hierarchical relationship?</h2> <p>Despite their prevalence, office romances are still frowned upon, and more so after the #MeToo movement. Deciding to enter a <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0265407516635285" target="_blank" rel="noopener">hierarchical workplace relationship</a> (when one partner is in a higher position at work than the other) is not something to be taken lightly.</p> <p>Lower-status participants who have coupled up with their boss or senior staff member are sometimes confronted with gossip and career roadblocks because of their relationship. While some may think entering such a relationship could help them get ahead in their career, in reality their relationship status could hinder their progress. <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0265407516635285" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Research has found</a> that the lower-status person in a hierarchical workplace relationship is less likely to be promoted or recommended for training opportunities than their colleagues who are not in such a relationship.</p> <h2>2. How might it affect your work performance?</h2> <p>With love and sex on the brain, is anyone getting any work done? The general stance is that canoodling is bad for business and affects productivity. Studies have found that feelings of passion and love, especially in the early stages of a relationship, can negatively impact productivity because <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/271740194_Reduced_cognitive_control_in_passionate_lovers" target="_blank" rel="noopener">our minds are elsewhere</a> than the task at hand.</p> <p>This is particularly challenging in a professional environment, and when you may have to work alongside your lover. However, there are measures you can take to curb distractions. Minimise communications that are not of a work-related nature, except when essential, and avoid physical touch like kissing or holding hands in the workplace.</p> <h2>3. Does your organisation allow it?</h2> <p>Courtship and dating are <a href="https://core.ac.uk/outputs/161116640" target="_blank" rel="noopener">natural phenomena</a>, whether organisations like it or not. Prohibiting relationships is not the solution, and if anything will only <a href="https://www.ijmra.us/project%20doc/IJMIE_AUGUST2012/IJMRA-MIE1479.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">lead relationships underground</a>.</p> <p>Despite this, many employers (mainly in the US) manage relationships by deploying “love contracts” – written rules and policies which the couple agrees to, confirming that the relationship is consensual and voluntary. This not only designed to protect the couple, but to protect the employer from being sued for harassment if the relationship breaks down.</p> <p>Employees aren’t likely to want to disclose to their direct line of report, HR person or relevant peers, who they are having sexual relations with. Article 8 of the Human Rights Act protects individuals of their right to <a href="https://www.equalityhumanrights.com/en/human-rights-act/article-8-respect-your-private-and-family-life" target="_blank" rel="noopener">private and family life</a>, which might explain why love contracts are <a href="https://www.hrmagazine.co.uk/content/features/legal-ease-relationships-at-work-and-love-contracts" target="_blank" rel="noopener">not used</a> in the UK.</p> <p>Employers have to balance their own business interests with their employee’s privacy rights. However, just as there are policies and training for tackling sexual harassment, discrimination and mental health, there is also a need to address workplace romances. Your employer should have accessible (and reasonable) policies and guidelines about disclosing relationships, particularly when they are hierarchical.</p> <h2>4. What happens if you split up?</h2> <p>While no one plans for their relationship to end, things do happen and it’s best to be prepared. In a non-workplace relationship, a break-up might mean your productivity declines or you need to take a <a href="https://theconversation.com/taking-a-mental-health-day-can-be-good-for-you-heres-how-to-make-the-most-of-one-186493" target="_blank" rel="noopener">mental health day</a>. But if you work with your now-ex partner, there are other things to consider, like if you have to interact or collaborate on a project.</p> <p>Where relevant, it may be possible to request a transfer to a different team or to work remotely until the dust settles. Your company may also offer <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/238318622_How_effective_is_workplace_counselling_A_review_of_the_research_literature" target="_blank" rel="noopener">workplace counselling</a> or <a href="https://www.eapa.org.uk/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">programmes</a> designed to support employees going through tough times, including depression, grief or the aftermath of a relationship.</p> <p>Ultimately, how employers choose to manage romance at work depends on acknowledging that workplace relationships do happen, and understanding that happier and more satisfied employees tend to be <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7120033/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">more productive</a> and collaborate better in teams. It is in employers’ best interests to support their employees’ wellbeing, even (and especially) when those employees fall in love.</p> <p><strong>This article originally appeared in <a href="https://theconversation.com/workplace-romance-four-questions-to-ask-yourself-before-dating-someone-from-the-office-187809" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>.</strong></p> <p><em>Image: Shutterstock</em></p>

Relationships

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Readers Respond: If you could speak to someone one last time, who would it be and what would you say?

<p dir="ltr">We never know when our last day on the planet will be or if anything happens causing us to lose certain connections.</p> <p dir="ltr">This then makes us sit there and reminisce about those moments, making us wonder, “If I got to speak to someone one last time, who would it be and what would I say?”</p> <p dir="ltr">Check out some of your responses below.</p> <p dir="ltr">Brenda Vera Bennett - To my mum. Thanking her as a young single mum when I was born even though times were extremely hard but I remained with her regardless. God Bless you Mum. </p> <p dir="ltr">Barbara Andrews - My twin brother, I would tell him how very much I miss him and love him.</p> <p dir="ltr">Lesley Myall - My darling mum and I would tell her I was sorry that I wasn’t there for her! Loved her to bits!</p> <p dir="ltr">Chris Ogden - Mum and Dad, especially Mum as I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye </p> <p dir="ltr">Sue Murnain - My mum and dad. To tell them I miss them and love them. They were not with me long enough. Lost my dad when I was 19 and my mum when I was 32.</p> <p dir="ltr">Margaret Bonnington - To the little girl that I gave my doll to when I was 5 years old. She died a couple of days later. I know the doll made her feel special as she had never had one.</p> <p dir="ltr">Vicki Cooper - Never had a chance to speak to my Grandfather John. I was very young and he was a long way away. Would love to have a conversation with him.</p> <p dir="ltr">Lyn Joy Murray - My husband. I would tell him how much I miss him and how I love him still. I would tell him how brave he was to fight the rare bug that invaded his body, and how proud I always was of him. Gosh I miss my man after 7 years.</p> <p dir="ltr">Kathleene Buick - Mum and Dad, especially Mum who was always interested in what we were doing on the farm. Four years have passed and I still go past the phone and think, “I should tell Mum that”.</p> <p dir="ltr">Neridah Beecroft - My father. There is still so much he could tell me. Family things, much that happened in my early days, what he thinks about what’s going on at the moment. How he and mum survived with little education and money.</p> <p dir="ltr"><em><strong>Share some of your memories <a href="https://www.facebook.com/oversixtyNZ/posts/pfbid0P8xaWkqL7bSRPw9moMKrHTizbJzkBNdEHkDTkMThzDAAw3gANEne1s4AKN5mB2Jgl" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a>. </strong></em></p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image: Shutterstock</em></p>

Relationships

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Readers Respond: How do you deal with losing someone you love?

<p>The one thing that all humans are unfortunately guaranteed to experience is the loss of someone you love.</p> <p>In a way, you could say life is fair because it’s unfair to everyone.</p> <p>We asked our readers to share the way they deal with losing someone they love and the responses were nothing short of emotional.</p> <p>From keeping yourself busy or just taking each day as it comes - here are some of your answers.</p> <p>Julia Santos - Work. Work as much as I could. Being at home with my own thoughts and tears is too much at times. You cry. You pray. You keep going. After a while, the pain eases up a little bit.</p> <p>Carolyn Korlaki - One foot in front of the other, you never get over it, you get used to it!! And yes, you do change, you have to because now it's all on you!!!</p> <p>Cindy Kaye - It's never easy, however I believe the loved one would expect me to move on with my life. My daughter passed away 11 years ago, aged 38 and not a day goes by when I don't think of her. The special memories she left me with inspire me to keep going.</p> <p>Michelle Kotynski - One day at a time.</p> <p>Sharyn Watt - Losing your husband destroys the life you were living but you have to try to keep going and it is such a struggle. Remember the good times and just be grateful for the time you had together. </p> <p>Eleanor Taylor - Nobody dwells on it and I don’t feel sorry for myself. He was my love, my one and all. A person misses their intimate moments together for the last 60 years, I don’t want to move on. You move on if you want to but I miss my husband a lot.</p> <p>Joan Garufi - Remember the good times and allow yourself to grieve as long as you need too. There's no timeline to grieving someone you love...But just know that time makes it a little easier.</p> <p>Geoff Hunt - With great difficulty. You just keep going for the sake of the rest of the family.</p> <p>Kaye Boskovic - It's very hard especially when you have been together 53 years.You just have to hold your head up and keep on moving. At times it's very hard.</p> <p>Rosemary Moreland - By talking about them and remembering them and having their picture in a prominent place.</p> <p>If you would like to share some of your tips on how to deal with the loss of someone you love, click <a href="https://www.facebook.com/oversixtyNZ/posts/pfbid0eddcD6xi5sWUsiU6TwcAUbYxeA17raqocbQUWeGBkcDJkJJEish1hqP4eGqF1Xwjl" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a>. </p> <p><em>Image: Shutterstock</em></p>

Relationships

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Signs that someone is stealing your Wi-Fi

<p><em>Image: Getty </em></p> <p><strong>Slow Internet Speed </strong></p> <p>According to Alex Hamerstone, an expert in cyber security, there are some tell-tale signs you have a Wi-Fi thief, the most pedestrian of which is decreased Internet speed. Of course, there could be a whole host of reasons you’re experiencing slower Internet. But if you’re regularly noticing “slower Internet speeds, or more buffering,” you should consider that someone might be stealing your Wi-Fi.</p> <p><strong>Unusual Ads</strong></p> <p><span>One of the for-better-or-worse hallmarks of the Internet age is advertising – specifically, those weirdly accurate ads that pop up in pretty much all of your browsers, a subtle reminder that your activity is being monitored. But if you suddenly start noticing ads that seem distinctly not you, this is often a sign that your Wi-Fi has a squatter, Hamerstone says. “The Wi-Fi thief is likely sharing your IP address, and their browsing history could influence the ads that pop up in your browser while you’re surfing the web,” he explains. “In most cases, that will just be annoying, but it could also be harmful if the Wi-Fi thief is viewing adult or inappropriate content from your network, leading to similar adult-themed ads that pop-up in your Internet sessions.” If this happens, you’ll want to take action immediately.</span></p> <p><strong>Above Average Bills</strong></p> <p><span>If someone is stealing your Wi-Fi, the consequences could be financial as well as annoying and inconvenient. Hamerstone warns, “If you…pay based on how much data you use, or pay when you go over a certain amount of data in a month, then you may get unexpectedly high bills for exorbitant data usage.” If you’re suddenly charged far more than usual for your data bill, you might want to consider that your Wi-Fi network has an uninvited guest.</span></p> <p><strong>Unfamiliar Devices</strong><span></span></p> <p><span>If you start to suspect that your Wi-Fi is the target of a thief, you should check your router by logging in to see all of the devices connected to your network. If there’s a device that is definitely not something someone in your household owns, you should probably look into it further to identify it. Be advised, though, that just because a device’s name seems unusual doesn’t mean it’s an interloper. “Don’t be immediately alarmed if you see something that looks odd at first – devices may have unfamiliar names that don’t obviously correlate to what the device is,” Hamerstone says.</span></p> <p><strong>Spam Notifications </strong></p> <p><span>This is another consequence that’ll likely only happen if the Wi-Fi thief is engaging in sketchy or illegal online behaviour—and it’s not something you want. “A Wi-Fi thief could also cause your home IP address to get red-flagged by the various spam engines which are relied upon by the major email services and network security providers,” Hamerstone explains. And if this happens, you’ll experience the effects: “The emails you send from your home Wi-Fi network could be blocked altogether or filtered to spam folders because the thief has ruined your IP reputation.” Needless to say, this could become a major issue if you’re heavily reliant on your Internet, especially right now.</span></p> <p><strong>Issues with Your Personal Device or Data</strong></p> <p><span>Of course, Wi-Fi powers more than just computers nowadays. If you start encountering privacy issues with other “smart” or Internet-enabled devices, you could be experiencing the effects of a Wi-Fi thief. “If someone is using your Wi-Fi, then there is a good chance they also have access to any personal devices that share the same network,” says Hamerstone. “This could include laptops, phones, game consoles, printers – even Roku devices and security cameras.” They may not care – they could simply just be trying to snag some free Internet. But worst-case scenario, they could start accessing your personal information. And if your information isn’t properly secured, the Wi-Fi thief could gain access to your bank account or other sensitive content.</span></p> <p><strong>Legal Action </strong></p> <p><span>In very serious cases, a belligerent Wi-Fi thief could result in a visit from police. “If the Wi-Fi thief is using your Wi-Fi network to commit crimes, such as making threats to people or accessing illegal content, then it is your IP address that will be linked to the illegal activity and you who will be accused of the crime,” warns Hamerstone. Needless to say, this is when Wi-Fi theft turns into a massive problem: “It can lead to a long and expensive nightmare of trying to prove that you are not a criminal,” Hamerstone says. Even if the thief is committing subtler “crimes” like piracy, that’s still not something you want to be blamed for.</span></p> <p><strong>So, how do I prevent Wi-Fi theft?</strong></p> <p><span>There’s one primary way to keep unwanted Wi-Fi lurkers out: Choose a strong password. Pick a password that only your household will know, and be very careful about who, if anyone, you share it with. “Be especially careful about sharing your password with people who live close enough to use your Wi-Fi from their house or apartment!” Hamerstone advises. It’s not foolproof, as a talented hacker could crack your password, but “this simple step will prevent most instances of opportunistic Wi-Fi theft,” Hamerstone sums up. He also recommends setting up a separate “Guest” network and/or a 5G network, making sure they’ve all got strong passwords. Finally, you should consider using a VPN, which, in addition to keeping you safe on public Wi-Fi, can also protect your information on your own network.</span></p> <p><span>Preventing this theft is all well and good, but what if you think you’ve fallen victim to it? The first step, Hamerstone says, is to check your router.  “Follow the instructions provided with your router to login to your admin account, and from here you can check to see which devices are connecting to your network,” he says. There are also tools, like the free Fing app, that can identify all of the devices using your Wi-Fi. If you identify an unwelcome device, here’s what to do: “Immediately change both your Wi-Fi network password and the router admin login password, just in case the person had access to this as well,” Hamerstone advises. “You should also reboot your router and check for any software or firmware updates that will improve the device’s operation and security.”</span></p> <p><span>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.com.au/true-stories-lifestyle/science-technology/signs-that-someone-is-stealing-your-wi-fi">Readers Digest</a>. </span></p>

Legal

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6 smartphone repairs you shouldn’t pay someone to fix

<p><strong>Restore your charge</strong></p> <p><span>If your phone won’t charge when plugged in, the cord might not be the problem. The charging port often accumulates lint and debris from your pockets and bags, which can block the connecting pins, causing it to charge more slowly or not at all. </span></p> <p><span>Fortunately, there’s a low-tech solution. “You can use a safety pin and run it around the inside of the port on your phone to clear it out,” recommends Shayne Sherman, CEO of TechLoris. </span></p> <p><span>“If your phone isn’t charging, give this a try before buying a new cord.” You can also use a flat toothpick to remove anything that’s blocking the pins that connect to the charging cable.</span></p> <p><strong>Clean up fuzzy noise</strong></p> <p>Turned off by inferior sound when you plug speakers into your headphone jack? Just like with your charging port, dirt or debris can cause your device to stop turning on or prevent you from hearing your phone calls, says Liz Hamilton, director of People and Customers at Mobile Klinik, a mobile phone repair business.</p> <p>“Cleaning out your ports can be done carefully with a few quick blasts of compressed air to the area, or even with a cotton bud (remove some of the cotton if you have to get it to fit) and use a high alcohol content cleaner to wipe out the area,” Hamilton says.</p> <p><strong>Replace a shattered screen</strong></p> <p>This one is only for the DIY-confident. “If you’re tech-savvy and willing to risk your expensive device that has many fragile and tiny parts, you can probably fix a screen yourself,” Hamilton says. But you’ll need the right tools for this smartphone repair job, she adds.</p> <p>And it’s easier to replace the screen on some devices than others. For iPhones, for example, iFixit.com recommends applying some heat to soften the adhesive, keeping the screen on, and using opening picks to slice the adhesive apart in order to carefully pry the screen off.</p> <p>That said, replacing a cracked screen is more involved on Android devices such as the Samsung Galaxy series, says Craig Lloyd of iFixit. For example, you’ll need to take the back glass panel off first, which adds steps and complexity to the repair. You’ll probably need to invest in a new case, too.</p> <p><strong>Resurrect a soaked phone </strong></p> <p>If your phone takes an unexpected swim, don’t follow the common wisdom to place it in a bag of rice. As it absorbs water, the rice can get gummy and stick in your phone’s ports. Rice is good for absorbing external moisture, but it could miss some internal moisture that could continue to harm your phone.</p> <p>Instead, the first thing you should do for smartphone repair is simply remove the phone from the water source and turn it off immediately. “Let it dry completely before attempting to turn it back on,” Lloyd says.</p> <p>“You can use a blow dryer on a cool setting to help dry out ports and such.” Some experts also recommend hoarding the packets of silica gel that come with shoes and keeping them in an airtight container (to prevent them from absorbing moisture). Then, when your phone takes a dive, placing it in that same airtight container allows those little packets to work their magic.</p> <p>If your phone still isn’t working, though, many experts recommend that the safest bet for water damage is to turn off your phone and take it to a professional. “Good professionals will give you a free diagnosis and quote before any work is done and the best professionals won’t charge you if they can’t fix it, regardless of the efforts they take to save your device,” Hamilton says.</p> <p><strong>Replace the battery</strong></p> <p>Wouldn’t it be great if it were as easy to replace the batteries in your phone as it is to switch out the ones in your remote control? Unfortunately, batteries are glued down in most phones, so replacing them is more of an involved process for smartphone repair.</p> <p>iFixit has detailed instructions to replace the battery in a Samsung Galaxy. Putting in a new battery is easier in iPhones, however, because they have handy pull tabs on the adhesive that makes battery removal a bit easier, Lloyd says.</p> <p>You should be aware, however, that opening your phone will void your warranty. Many phone manufacturers (including Apple) will replace your phone battery for free if it’s still under warranty, and for a small fee even if it’s not.</p> <p><strong>Improve a mediocre lens</strong></p> <p><span>Have you always dreamed of taking super-clear photos or having the ability to focus in close on flowers or faces? You need a macro lens! Sadly, most phone cameras don’t come with one. You could buy one, or you could use this neat trick to improve your camera for free. </span></p> <p><span>Get that DVD player you don’t use any more (thanks, streaming) and salvage the lens: It’s the little piece that guides the disc-reading laser. </span></p> <p><span>Dig out the glue to free the lens. You can either place it over your phone camera and secure it with some putty, or put it on some tape, cut a hole, and simply stick it over the lens. This will give you such extreme focus that you can even see the cell structure of an onion!</span></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared in <a href="https://www.readersdigest.co.nz/true-stories-lifestyle/science-technology/6-smartphone-repairs-you-shouldnt-pay-someone-to-fix">Reader's Digest</a>. </em></p>

Technology

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When someone dies, what happens to the body?

<p>Upwards of <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/deaths.htm">2.8 million people die</a> every year in the United States. As a funeral director who heads a university mortuary science program, I can tell you that while each individual’s life experiences are unique, what happens to a body after death follows a broadly predictable chain of events.</p> <p>In general, it depends on three things: where you die, how you die and what you or your family decide on for funeral arrangements and final disposition.</p> <p><strong>In death’s immediate aftermath</strong></p> <p>Death can happen anywhere: at home; in a hospital, nursing or palliative care facility; or at the scene of an accident, homicide or suicide.</p> <p>A medical examiner or coroner must investigate whenever a person dies unexpectedly while not under a doctor’s care. Based on the circumstances of the death, they determine whether an autopsy is needed. If so, the body travels to a county morgue or a funeral home, where a pathologist conducts a detailed internal and external examination of the body as well as toxicology tests.</p> <p>Once the body can be released, some states allow for families to handle the body themselves, but most people employ a funeral director. The body is placed on a stretcher, covered and transferred from the place of death – sometimes via hearse, but more commonly these days a minivan carries it to the funeral home.</p> <p>State law determines who has the authority to make funeral arrangements and decisions about the remains. In some states, you can choose during your lifetime how you’d like your body treated when you die. In most cases, however, decisions fall on surviving family or someone you appointed before your death.</p> <p><strong>Preparing the body for viewing</strong></p> <p>In a 2020 consumer survey conducted by the National Funeral Directors Association, 39.4% of respondents reported feeling it’s very important to have the <a href="https://www.census.gov/content/dam/Census/newsroom/press-kits/2018/jsm/jsm-presentation-pop-projections.pdf">body or cremated remains present</a> at a funeral or memorial service.</p> <p>To prepare for that, the funeral home will usually ask whether the body is to be embalmed. This process sanitizes the body, temporarily preserves it for viewing and services, and restores a natural, peaceful appearance. Embalming is typically required for a public viewing and in certain other circumstances, including if the person died of a communicable disease or if the cremation or burial is to be delayed for more than a few days.</p> <p>When the funeral director begins the embalming process, he places the body on a special porcelain or stainless steel table that looks much like what you’d find in an operating room. He washes the body with soap and water and positions it with the hands crossed over the abdomen, as you’d see them appear in a casket. He closes the eyes and mouth.</p> <p>Next the funeral director makes a small incision near the clavicle, to access the jugular vein and carotid artery. He inserts forceps into the jugular vein to allow blood to drain out, while at the same time injecting embalming solution into the carotid artery via a small tube connected to the embalming machine. For every 50 to 75 pounds of body weight, it takes about a gallon of embalming solution, largely made up of formaldehyde. The funeral director then removes excess fluids and gases from the abdominal and thoracic cavities using an instrument called a trocar. It works much like the suction tube you’ve experienced at the dentist.</p> <p>Next the funeral director sutures any incisions. He grooms the hair and nails and again washes the body and dries it with towels. If the body is emaciated or dehydrated, he can inject a solution via hypodermic needle to plump facial features. If trauma or disease has altered the appearance of the deceased, the embalmer can use wax, adhesive and plaster to recreate natural form.</p> <p>Lastly, the funeral director dresses the deceased and applies cosmetics. If the clothing provided does not fit, he can cut it and tuck it in somewhere that doesn’t show. Some funeral homes use an airbrush to apply cosmetics; others use specialized mortuary cosmetics or just regular makeup you might find at a store.</p> <p><strong>Toward a final resting place</strong></p> <p>If the deceased is to be cremated without a public viewing, many funeral homes require a member of the family to identify him or her. Once the death certificate and any other necessary authorizations are complete, the funeral home transports the deceased in a chosen container to a crematory. This could be onsite or at a third-party provider.</p> <p>Cremations are performed individually. Still in the container, the deceased is placed in the cremator, which produces very high heat that reduces the remains to bone fragments. The operator removes any metal objects, like implants, fillings and parts of the casket or cremation container, and then pulverizes the bone fragments. He then places the processed remains in the selected container or urn. Some families choose to keep the cremated remains, while others bury them, place them in a niche or scatter them.</p> <p>The year 2015 was the first year that the <a href="https://nfda.org/news/in-the-news/nfda-news/id/5223/2020-cremation-burial-projects-cremation-rate-of-87-by-2040">cremation rate exceeded the casketed burial rate</a> in the U.S., and the industry expects that trend to continue.</p> <p>When earth burial is chosen, the casket is usually placed in a concrete outer burial container before being lowered into the grave. Caskets can also be entombed in above-ground crypts inside buildings called mausoleums. Usually a grave or crypt has a headstone of some kind that bears the name and other details about the decedent.</p> <p>Some cemeteries have spaces dedicated to environmentally conscious “green” burials in which an unembalmed body can be buried in a biodegradable container. Other forms of final disposition are less common. As an alternative to cremation, the chemical process of alkaline hydrolysis can reduce remains to bone fragments. Composting involves placing the deceased in a vessel with organic materials like wood chips and straw to allow microbes to naturally break down the body.</p> <p>I’ve seen many changes over the course of my funeral service career, spanning more than 20 years so far. For decades, funeral directors were predominantly male, but now mortuary school enrollment nationwide is roughly 65% female. Cremation has become more popular. More people pre-plan their own funerals. Many Americans do not have a religious affiliation and therefore opt for a less formal service.</p> <p>Saying goodbye is important for those who remain, and I have witnessed too many families foregoing a ceremony and later regretting it. A dignified and meaningful farewell and the occasion to share memories and comfort each other <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/26555297">honors the life of the deceased and facilitates healing</a> for family and friends.</p> <p><em>Written by Mark Evely. Republished with permission of <a href="https://theconversation.com/when-someone-dies-what-happens-to-the-body-143070">The Conversation.</a> </em></p>

Beauty & Style

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How to help someone you live with who has depression

<p>The coronavirus pandemic has meant sudden changes to our daily lives, with restrictions on free movement, imposed lockdowns and social distancing. Many of these measures will have taken a toll on people’s mental health.</p> <p>These changes have increased our exposure to known risk factors for developing depression, such as <a href="https://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/doi/full/10.1176/appi.ajp.2018.17111194">physical inactivity</a>, lack of structure and routine, lack of <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s12888-018-1736-5">social support</a>, <a href="https://www.jaacap.org/article/S0890-8567(20)30337-3/fulltext">loneliness</a>, and limited opportunity to do enjoyable and valued activities.</p> <p>Also, <a href="https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(20)30460-8/fulltext">evidence from previous pandemics</a>, such as Sars and swine flu, suggests that disease-containment measures, such as quarantine and social isolation, may be detrimental to mental health. There is growing evidence that the effect of these changes on people’s mental health across the age groups is significant, especially for <a href="https://www.medrxiv.org/content/10.1101/2020.06.16.20133116v1">those who are younger</a>.</p> <p>Rates of depression in adults and young people are already concerning, and are predicted by the <a href="https://www.who.int/health-topics/depression#tab=tab_1">World Health Organization</a> to rise. By 2030, depression will be the highest <a href="https://www.who.int/foodsafety/foodborne_disease/Q&amp;A.pdf">burden of disease</a> globally, which refers to the overall impact of a health problem, including the financial cost. So although the initial focus during the pandemic has understandably been on physical health, it is therefore crucial that we also turn our attention to people’s mental health, <a href="https://academic.oup.com/ije/article/45/1/131/2363790">particularly as the two are related</a>.</p> <p>A lot of advice addresses the person with depression, but here we give advice on what you can do if you live with someone who is depressed.</p> <p><strong>Clues in their behaviour</strong></p> <p>Many people find it difficult to ask for help and to let others know how they are feeling. Don’t assume someone is OK just because they say they are. It’s better to ask more questions and risk being annoying than to miss something important, such as <a href="https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/symptoms/">symptoms of depression</a>. If they don’t want to tell you, watch their behaviour and notice anything unusual, such as sleeping much later, not eating, staring for long periods, cancelling and avoiding many things.</p> <p>People’s feelings are often linked to their thoughts and behaviour, and this is demonstrated in the <a href="https://www.babcp.com/public/What-is-CBT.aspx">cognitive behavioural therapy</a> model. When people feel depressed, they often experience repeating streams of negative thoughts. It can be helpful to encourage someone who is thinking this way to try to look at different sides to a situation. Useful questions might be: “What advice would you give a friend in this situation?” or “What would be a more helpful way of thinking about this?”</p> <p>Depression gives rise to self-critical thoughts, such as “I’m no good”, “I shouldn’t feel this way”. Not surprisingly these thoughts then fuel the depression further. It’s helpful to let the depressed person know that you can see how they are feeling and that their feelings are understandable and valid, and will pass in time. This type of validation can help someone who is depressed refrain from criticising themselves for having difficult feelings and to develop more <a href="https://www.compassionatemind.co.uk/resources">self-compassion</a>.</p> <p>People who are depressed commonly withdraw from other people and activities. By doing fewer enjoyable and valued activities, it can compound a person’s depression. Try to counteract this by helping the person to re-engage with things that are important to them. Start with small things such as putting some structure into the day and perhaps <a href="https://www.cochranelibrary.com/cdsr/doi/10.1002/14651858.CD004366.pub6/full">increasing exercise</a>, or time spent in nature, if possible. Help the person gradually re-introduce activities and social contacts that they see as valuable. Make some small plans together for the future (short, medium and long-term).</p> <p>A person with depression may commonly find it difficult to problem-solve, and daily activities and issues can quickly start to feel overwhelming. It’s helpful to stay calm and keep conflict and stress in the house to a minimum. Support the person to generate <a href="https://www.nhsinform.scot/illnesses-and-conditions/mental-health/mental-health-self-help-guides/problem-solving-self-help-guide">simple solutions to problems</a> and encourage them to put these <a href="https://cedar.exeter.ac.uk/media/universityofexeter/schoolofpsychology/cedar/documents/liiapt/Problems_to_Solutions.pdf">solutions and ideas into action</a> rather than avoiding things.</p> <p><strong>Seek outside help</strong></p> <p>There are a number of other effective <a href="https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/cg90">treatments for depression</a>. Encourage the person you are supporting to seek extra help if needed. This might be in the form of <a href="https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/treatments/#TalkingTreatmentsForDepression">online information</a> and online courses for both <a href="https://www.futurelearn.com/courses/anxiety-depression-and-cbt">adults</a> and <a href="https://www.futurelearn.com/courses/low-mood-during-covid-19">young people</a>; through <a href="https://reading-well.org.uk/books/books-on-prescription">self-help books</a>; or by contacting your local healthcare provider or mental health services in your area.</p> <p>Remember, your wellbeing is extremely important when supporting someone with depression. Take time for <a href="https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-guidance-for-the-public-on-mental-health-and-wellbeing/guidance-for-the-public-on-the-mental-health-and-wellbeing-aspects-of-coronavirus-covid-19">self-care</a> so you can model positive behaviours and be replenished enough to provide this crucial support.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/141480/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/monika-parkison-1129916">Monika Parkison</a>, Research Fellow and Clinical Psychologist, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-reading-902">University of Reading</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/maria-loades-1131527">Maria Loades</a>, Senior Lecturer, Clinical Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-bath-1325">University of Bath</a></em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-to-help-someone-you-live-with-who-has-depression-141480">original article</a>.</em></p>

Mind

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Coronavirus distancing measures: Here are 3 things to ask yourself before you see someone

<p><em>This article is based on the coronavirus and COVID-19 situation as of March 23. It’s important to remember that the situation is rapidly developing and official advice may change.</em></p> <p>If the flurry of new orders released in the last 24 hours has you feeling confused about what’s OK and what’s not when it comes to social contact, you’re not alone.</p> <p>It’s so difficult to adopt a set of hard and fast rules with the advice changing so quickly. Government departments have put out detailed guidance but that won’t cover all situations. Experts in the public sphere will give different advice.</p> <p>The fact is, if there’s an activity you want or need to do and you’re not sure if it’s advisable, often you’ll have to make a call. After ensuring that it doesn’t breach public orders, your decision will need to be based on your assessment of the risks and benefits.</p> <p>Whatever activity you’re considering, it can help to first clearly list your options. For example, if I’m talking to a friend with kids, we could organise to meet at the park, in a house, online or not at all. Or if I want to catch up with my sister, I could do it in person or on the phone.</p> <p>Then ask yourself some important questions as you consider your options.</p> <p>Here are three considerations that should help you make an informed decision on behalf of your family and the wider community.</p> <ol> <li><strong> What’s the latest advice of my state or territory health department?</strong></li> </ol> <p>The first is to look to the latest advice for your state and territory health department, and be aware that they may change from day to day or even within a day. So keep checking.</p> <p>Some departments are now developing quite detailed lists of dos and don'ts that are being updated as quick as is humanly possible.</p> <ol start="2"> <li><strong> Do I know the latest on how the virus moves between people?</strong></li> </ol> <p>Understanding as much as you can about the way that the virus moves between people can help you make an informed decision about whether an activity you’re considering doing poses a higher risk of passing coronavirus on or picking it up.</p> <p>The coronavirus causing COVID-19 is currently thought to be passed on through contact and droplet transmission. It comes from the mucous membranes (meaning the wet parts of your face - mouth, nose and eyes). A person with the infection might cough or sneeze or touch their mouth or nose and then touch another surface where it can remain infectious for a time.</p> <p>The virus is able to move to another person through direct contact with droplets from the cough or sneeze or if they touch that surface with their hands then touch their mouth, nose or eyes. The more symptomatic somebody is, the more easy it is to get the infection but people with very mild symptoms can still pass it on. More is being learnt about the virus and this knowledge may change.</p> <p>That is why handwashing and cough or sneeze etiquette is so important.</p> <p>COVID-19 is currently thought to be mostly spread by people who have symptoms and have been in close contact with others. Those more at risk of it are those who have had contact with someone who has been diagnosed with it or have recently returned from overseas.</p> <p>However, that is changing as it moves more in the general community in Australia.</p> <p>That basic understanding of how it moves can help people make decisions of who to see, how to see them, how to behave in public places and at home.</p> <ol start="3"> <li><strong> How do the risks of a certain activity weigh up against the benefits?</strong></li> </ol> <p>Whenever you are considering doing some activity with somebody, you need to weigh up the risks of harm with the potential benefits.</p> <p>First, make sure you are abiding by the public health orders. Also remember that this is not just a decision about your personal risk. We are all reducing the chain of transmission by reducing our contact with others as much as we can.</p> <p>Sometimes, we will still want or need contact with others.</p> <p>First of all, we need to accept that we take a risk whenever we have contact with another person and we need to weigh that risk against the potential benefits.</p> <p>There might be really important social benefits, for example, for seeing a person for whom contact with others is extremely important.</p> <p>There might be benefits in helping someone who has less access to resources than we do – for example, helping a neighbour in need.</p> <p>In these instances, if you decide to take the risk, it is important to follow guidance on doing everything you possibly can do to minimise the spread of COVID-19 within that encounter.</p> <p>That means proper hand hygeine; washing hands when arriving and leaving. Try to stay 1.5 metres or more apart. Never go out and meet with others if you have respiratory symptoms such as a cough, or a fever. And it means trying to avoid contact with people at greater risk of severe disease, such as those with existing chronic disease, an older person, or person who is Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander.</p> <p>If the COVID-19 risk is really high to that person, then maybe the benefits don’t outweigh the potential harm. You may be forced to make a really hard decision.</p> <p><strong>Hard decisions ahead</strong></p> <p>There’s no magic cut off where you stop all risk. We have got to accept it is about degrees of risk and what we collectively do to minimise it.</p> <p>If we choose to have contact with another person, while staying within the boundaries of what is permissible based on the government requirements, then it’s important you have a set of evidence-based principles that helps guide your decision-making.</p> <p><em>Written by Julie Leask. Republished with permission of <a href="https://theconversation.com/coronavirus-distancing-measures-are-confusing-here-are-3-things-to-ask-yourself-before-you-see-someone-134394">The Conversation.</a></em></p> <p><em> </em></p>

Caring

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How to talk to someone you believe is misinformed about the coronavirus

<p>The medical evidence is clear: The coronavirus global health threat is not an elaborate hoax. Bill Gates did not create the coronavirus to sell more vaccines. Essential oils are <a href="https://nccih.nih.gov/health/in-the-news-in-the-news-coronavirus-and-alternative-treatments">not effective</a> at protecting you from coronavirus.</p> <p>But those facts have not stopped contrary claims from spreading both on and offline.</p> <p>No matter the topic, people often hear conflicting information and must decide which sources to trust. The internet and the fast-paced news environment mean that information travels quickly, leaving little time for fact-checking.</p> <p>As a <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=Li4FgBUAAAAJ&amp;hl=en">researcher</a> interested in science communication and controversies, I study how scientific misinformation spreads and how to correct it.</p> <p>I’ve been very busy lately. Whether we are talking about the coronavirus, climate change, vaccines or something else, <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2020/03/05/tech/facebook-google-who-coronavirus-misinformation/index.html">misinformation abounds</a>. Maybe you have shared something on Facebook that turned out to be false, or retweeted something before <a href="https://theconversation.com/4-ways-to-protect-yourself-from-disinformation-130767">double-checking the source</a>. <a href="https://www.unlv.edu/news/article/future-alternative-facts">This can happen</a> to anyone.</p> <p>It’s also common to encounter people who are misinformed but don’t know it yet. It’s one thing to double-check your own information, but what’s the best way to talk to someone else about what they think is true – but which is not true?</p> <p><strong>Is it worth engaging?</strong></p> <p>First, consider the context of the situation. Is there enough time to engage them in a conversation? Do they seem interested in and open to discussion? Do you have a personal connection with them where they value your opinion?</p> <p>Evaluating the situation can help you decide whether you want to start a conversation to correct their misinformation. Sometimes we interact with people who are closed-minded and not willing to listen. <a href="https://rightingamerica.net/when-the-juice-is-not-worth-the-squeeze-distinguishing-between-productive-and-unproductive-conversations/">It’s OK</a> not to engage with them.</p> <p>In interpersonal interactions, correcting misinformation can be helped by the strength of the relationship. For example, it may be easier to correct misinformation held by a family member or partner because they are already aware that you care for them and you are interested in their well-being.</p> <p><strong>Don’t patronize</strong></p> <p>One approach is to engage in a back-and-forth discussion about the topic. This is often called a <a href="https://theconversation.com/understanding-christians-climate-views-can-lead-to-better-conversations-about-the-environment-115693">dialogue</a> approach to communication.</p> <p>That means you care about the person behind the opinion, even when you disagree. It is important not to enter conversations with a patronizing attitude. For example, when talking to climate change skeptics, the <a href="https://www.npr.org/2017/05/09/527541032/there-must-be-more-productive-ways-to-talk-about-climate-change">attitude</a> that the speaker holds toward an audience affects the success of the interaction and can lead to conversations ending before they’ve started.</p> <p>Instead of treating the conversation as a corrective lecture, treat the other person as an equal partner in the discussion. One way to create that common bond is to acknowledge the shared struggles of locating accurate information. Saying that there is a lot of information circulating can help someone feel comfortable changing their opinion and accepting new information, instead of <a href="https://bigthink.com/age-of-engagement/study-warns-of-boomerang-effects-in-climate-change-campaigns">resisting and sticking to</a> their previous beliefs to avoid admitting they were wrong.</p> <p>Part of creating dialogue is asking questions. For example, if someone says that they heard coronavirus was all a hoax, you might ask, “That’s not something I’d heard before, what was the source for that?” By being interested in their opinion and not rejecting it out of hand, you open the door for conversation about the information and can engage them in evaluating it.</p> <p><strong>Offer to trade information</strong></p> <p>Another strategy is to introduce the person to new sources. In my <a href="https://www.routledge.com/Communication-Strategies-for-Engaging-Climate-Skeptics-Religion-and-the/Bloomfield/p/book/9781138585935">book</a>, I discuss a conversation I had with a climate skeptic who did not believe that scientists had reached a 97% consensus on the existence of climate change. They dismissed this well-established number by referring to nonscientific sources and blog posts. Instead of rejecting their resources, I offered to trade with them. For each of their sources I read, they would read one of mine.</p> <p>It is likely that the misinformation people have received is not coming from a credible source, so you can propose an alternative. For example, you could offer to send them an article from the <a href="http://cdc.gov/">Centers for Disease Control</a> for medical and health information, the <a href="https://www.ipcc.ch/">Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change</a> for environmental information, or the reputable debunking site <a href="http://snopes.com/">Snopes</a> to compare the information. If someone you are talking to is open to learning more, encourage that continued curiosity.</p> <p>It is sometimes hard, inconvenient, or awkward to engage someone who is misinformed. But I feel very strongly that opening ourselves up to have these conversations can help to correct misinformation. To ensure that society can make the best decisions about important topics, share accurate information and combat the spread of misinformation.<!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/emma-frances-bloomfield-712710">Emma Frances Bloomfield</a>, Assistant Professor of Communication Studies, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-nevada-las-vegas-826">University of Nevada, Las Vegas</a></em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-to-talk-to-someone-you-believe-is-misinformed-about-the-coronavirus-133044">original article</a>.</em></p>

Relationships