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"I was terrified": Law & Order star reveals traumatic past

Warning: This story contains graphic content. Mariska Hargitay, who plays Olivia Benson, a character that investigate rapists on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, has revealed that she too is a victim of sexual assault. The actress opened up about her traumatic past in a powerful essay written for <a href="https://people.com/mariska-hargitay-experience-rape-renewal-reckoning-8424247" target="_blank" rel="noopener">People Magazine</a>, where she revealed that she was raped by “a friend" when she was in her thirties. "A man raped me in my thirties," she bravely revealed in the essay. "It wasn’t sexual at all. It was dominance and control. Overpowering control." The actress revealed that he was a friend who "made a unilateral decision" and recalled the fear she felt when the incident occurred. "He grabbed me by the arms and held me down. I was terrified," she said. "I didn’t want it to escalate to violence. I now know it was already sexual violence, but I was afraid he would become physically violent. "I went into freeze mode, a common trauma response when there is no option to escape. I checked out of my body," she recalled. Hargitay, who is the daughter of the late actress Jane Mansfield, said that she never thought of herself as a "survivor", and often "minimised" what happened to her when she talked about it with others. "My husband Peter remembers me saying, “I mean, it wasn’t rape," she wrote. "Then things started shifting in me, and I began talking about it more in earnest with those closest to me. They were the first ones to call it what it was." The actress said that she wants other survivors to feel "no shame" about sexual assault and wants "this violence to end." She added that justice "may look different for each survivor," but for her she wants "an acknowledgment and an apology" after what happened. "This is a painful part of my story. The experience was horrible. But it doesn’t come close to defining me, in the same way that no other single part of my story defines me," she concluded, adding that she feels for all sexual violence survivors. "I’m turning 60, and I’m so deeply grateful for where I am. I’m renewed and I’m flooded with compassion for all of us who have suffered. And I’m still proudly in process." Hargitay started her own foundation, the Joyful Heart Foundation, in 2004 to help survivors of sexual assault. Image: Getty

Caring

Is the Barbie movie a bold step to reinvent and fix past wrongs or a clever ploy to tap a new market?

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lauren-gurrieri-5402">Lauren Gurrieri</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/rmit-university-1063">RMIT University</a> After a months-long marketing blitz, the much-hyped Barbie movie is released this week. From a <a href="https://news.airbnb.com/barbies-malibu-dreamhouse-is-back-on-airbnb-but-this-time-kens-hosting/">Malibu Barbie dreamhouse</a> listed on AirBnB, an AI tool that <a href="https://www.barbieselfie.ai/au/">transforms selfies into Barbie movie posters</a> and multiple Barbie-themed brand collaborations ranging from nail polish to roller skates, Barbie is everywhere. She has even gone viral as a fashion trend known as <a href="https://www.elle.com.au/fashion/barbiecore-27286">Barbiecore</a>, exploding across social media with people embracing vibrant pink hues and hyper feminine aesthetics. A Barbie world is upon us. Although some have criticised this <a href="https://twitter.com/MosheIsaacian/status/1673415496929267712">saturation</a> strategy, it is a very deliberate marketing ploy to revitalise and redefine a brand with a contested position and history. As well as attracting adults who grew up with Barbie and are curious to see what’s changed, the reinvention is drawing in those younger fans swept up by the tsunami of marketing and merchandise. Despite being one of the <a href="https://www.newsweek.com/brandspark-most-trusted-brands-america-2022">most trusted brands</a> with a value of approximately <a href="https://www.statista.com/statistics/1009126/barbie-brand-value-worldwide/">$US700 million</a>, Barbie has long attracted feminist criticism for fuelling outdated and problematic “plastic fantastic” sexist stereotypes and expectations. <h2>The Barbie backlash</h2> Only a few years back, Barbie was a brand in crisis. <a href="https://time.com/3667580/mattel-barbie-earnings-plus-size-body-image/">Sales plummeted</a> across 2011 to 2015 against the cultural backdrop of a rise in body positivity and backlash against a doll that represented narrow ideals and an impossible beauty standard. After all, at life-size Barbie represents a body shape held by <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/BF01544300#page-1">less than 1 in 100,000</a> real people. In fact, she is so <a href="https://rehabs.com/explore/dying-to-be-barbie/#.UWs-5aKyB8F">anatomically impossible</a> that, if she were real, she would be unable to lift her head, store a full liver or intestines, or <a href="https://www.bmj.com/content/305/6868/1575">menstruate</a>. The backlash has also been in response to growing concerns about how she influences child development, particularly how and what children learn about gender. Barbie has been identified as a <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1740144521000243#!">risk factor</a> for thin-ideal internalisation and body dissatisfaction for young girls, encouraging <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S174014451630208X">motivation for a thinner shape</a> that damages body image and self esteem. And despite the multiple careers Barbie has held over the decades, research highlights that girls who play with Barbie believe they have <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11199-014-0347-y">fewer career options than boys</a>. This speaks to the power of toys to reinforce gender stereotypes, roles and expectations, and how Barbie has imported narrow ideals of femininity, girlhood and womanhood into young girls’ lives. <h2>Reinventing a long-established icon</h2> In response to this backlash, Mattel launched a new range of Barbies in 2016 that were promoted as <a href="https://shop.mattel.com/collections/fashion-dolls#filter.ss_filter_tags_subtype=Fashionistas">diverse</a>, representing different body shapes, sizes, hair types and skin tones. This was not without criticism, with “curvy” Barbie still considered thin and dolls named in ways that drew attention foremost to their bodies. From a white, well-dressed, middle-class, girl-next-door with friends of a similar ilk, Barbie has since been marketed as a symbol of diversity and inclusion. To signify the extent of the transformation, Mattel’s executives gave this project the code name “Project Dawn”. Mattel - like many other brands joining the <a href="https://theconversation.com/victorias-secret-joins-the-inclusive-revolution-finally-realizing-diversity-sells-163955">“inclusivity revolution”</a> - knew that diversity sells, and they needed to make their brand relevant for contemporary consumers. Diversity initiatives included a line of <a href="https://shop.mattel.com/pages/barbie-role-models">female role model dolls</a>, promoted as “introducing girls to remarkable women’s stories to show them you can be anything”. Barbie was also given a voice in the form of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL5BsRl9zFaeSKIL4XD-pdGHGbJRvkfe8S">Barbie Vlogs</a>, where she expressed her views on issues including depression and the <a href="https://www.bustle.com/p/barbies-vlog-about-the-sorry-reflex-is-the-feminist-pep-talk-all-90s-babies-need-to-hear-9852366">sorry reflex</a>. A gender neutral collection called “creatable world” was added in 2019 to open up gender expression possibilities when playing with Barbies. Such efforts were crucial to undoing missteps of the past, such as a “Teen Talk Barbie” that was programmed to say “<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSL2-rbE9AM">Math class is tough!</a>”, or the compulsory heterosexuality that Barbie has long advanced. <h2>The latest step in Barbie’s transformation</h2> Barbie the film is simply the next step in an evolution to make brand Barbie inclusive. And with a rumoured film budget of $100 million, the supporting marketing machine provides a critical opportunity to reset the Barbie narrative. With Greta Gerwig, acclaimed director of female-led stories such as Little Women and Lady Bird at the helm, and a diverse cast of Barbies of different races, body types, gender identities and sexual preferences, the film and its creators have sought to assure audiences of the film’s feminist leanings. Addressing the complicated history of Barbie is crucial for audiences who grew up and played with the doll and are grappling with introducing her to the next generation of doll consumers. Yet, Robbie Brenner, executive producer of Mattel Films, has explicitly stated that Gerwig’s Barbie is “not a feminist movie”. Indeed, the main character still represents a narrow beauty standard - tall, thin, blonde, white - with diverse characters in place to support her narrative. Which begs the question: are these inclusion initiatives simply emblematic of diversity washing, where the language and symbolism of social justice are hijacked for corporate profit? Or do they represent a genuine effort to redress the chequered history of a brand that promotes poor body image, unrealistic ideals and rampant materialism? What is clear is that in today’s climate where brands are increasingly rewarded for taking a stand on sociopolitical issues, brand Barbie’s attempts to reposition as inclusive have paid off: sales are now booming. Seemingly, Barbie’s famous tagline that “anything is possible” has shown itself to be true.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/209394/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lauren-gurrieri-5402">Lauren Gurrieri</a>, Associate Professor in Marketing, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/rmit-university-1063">RMIT University</a> Image credits: Getty Images This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/is-the-barbie-movie-a-bold-step-to-reinvent-and-fix-past-wrongs-or-a-clever-ploy-to-tap-a-new-market-209394">original article</a>.

Movies

When your house has a (disturbing) history, what should buyers be told about its ‘past’?

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/eileen-webb-95332">Eileen Webb</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-south-australia-1180">University of South Australia</a> Imagine you have just bought a home. You have moved in and, during a friendly chat with the neighbours, you find out the property had been the <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-07-07/what-is-stigmatised-property-and-what-are-your-rights/9911608">scene of a serious crime</a> or <a href="https://www.aicnsw.com.au/our-dream-house-was-a-meth-lab/">used to manufacture</a> methamphetamine. How would you react? Is this something you would want to have known prior to the sale? If you had known, would this have affected you decision to buy the property? And was the real estate agent or vendor <a href="https://www.domain.com.au/news/what-do-agents-have-to-reveal-about-a-home8217s-history-20170810-gxcm5k/">under any obligation</a> to let you know? In most cases, the answer is (somewhat surprisingly to buyers) “no”. However, amendments to Victoria’s Sale of Land Act 1962 <a href="https://www.consumer.vic.gov.au/latest-news/sale-of-land-changes-in-effect-legislation-update">have now broadened the matters</a> that must be disclosed to buyers prior to a sale, including where a serious crime has occurred. Renters who find they have entered into a stigmatised property must resort to the consumer protection laws discussed below. <h2>Why were the laws required?</h2> The ancient doctrine of caveat emptor (let the buyer beware) still impacts on real estate transactions. It means the buyer bears the responsibility of making their own enquiries about the property. Property inspections are usually confined to the physical condition of the property. While it would be possible, at least theoretically, to arrange for a person to investigate its “background”, this can be a difficult process, especially if such information is concealed or hard to come by. As a result, each state and territory has introduced laws that provide for some level of disclosure to the buyer during the conveyancing process. The extent of disclosure required and the nature of matters that must be disclosed varies from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. Furthermore, section 18 of the Australian Consumer Law <a href="http://classic.austlii.edu.au/au/legis/cth/consol_act/caca2010265/sch2.html#_Toc32223214">considers conduct</a> as misleading or deceptive where a matter is not disclosed but, in the circumstances, there is a reasonable expectation it would be. The problem is that while disclosure may be required in matters involving, for example, a structural fault or a road-widening proposal, such information is confined to physical issues affecting the property. However, what happens when the matter involves not a physical defect but a psychological or stigmatising one, such as a murder, for example? Such information may be of considerable importance to potential buyers who, for personal or religious reasons, would find living in a property where such an event occurred intolerable. On a more mercenary note, the impact on resale value of the property <a href="http://journalarticle.ukm.my/7237/1/115-293-1-PB.pdf">could be significant</a>. <h2>The nature of ‘stigmatised’ property</h2> Concern about the effect of stigma on property is not a recent phenomenon. Courts in several jurisdictions, including Australia, <a href="https://api.research-repository.uwa.edu.au/portalfiles/portal/1218611/3632_3632.pdf">have had to grapple</a> with buyers who had discovered, after purchase, that the property had been the scene of a serious crime or criminal activity, a suicide had occurred, persons had been suffering from certain illnesses, or a sex offender lived nearby. In one case a young man had murdered his parents and sister in their Sydney home. The property was later sold to a young couple. After discovering the tragic events that had occurred in the home, they sought to withdraw from the sale on religious grounds. There was a <a href="https://www.theage.com.au/national/estate-agents-fined-over-triple-murder-house-20041220-gdz86g.html">significant amount of criticism</a> of the real estate agent for not informing the buyers about what had occurred there. After considerable public pressure and an investigation by the NSW Office of Fair Trading, the contract was set aside. On a more ethereal note, there have been a series of cases in the United States where buyers have sought, in some cases successfully, to have a sale rescinded <a href="http://zillow.mediaroom.com/2019-10-29-Selling-a-Haunted-House-Heres-What-You-Need-to-Know">because the house</a> was (allegedly) haunted or the subject of <a href="https://casetext.com/case/stambovsky-v-ackley">paranormal activity</a>. <h2>Disclosure laws regarding stigma</h2> The Victorian legislation clarifies obligations for estate agents and vendors regarding <a href="https://www.consumer.vic.gov.au/latest-news/sale-of-land-changes-in-effect-legislation-update">the disclosure of “material facts”</a>. In summary, an estate agent or vendor cannot knowingly conceal any material facts about a property when selling land. The legislation is supported by guidelines that clarify the nature of a material fact. This includes circumstances where, during the current or previous occupation, the property was the scene of a serious crime or an event that may create long-term potential risks to the health and safety of occupiers of the land. Specific examples include extreme violence such as a homicide, the use of the property for the manufacture of substances such as methylamphetamine, or a defence or fire brigade training site involving the use of hazardous materials. Relevant factors can include the reaction of other potential buyers to the fact, including their willingness to buy in light of the revelation. Significant penalties and even imprisonment await vendors and real estate agents who do not comply. <h2>Will the laws work?</h2> As with any new legislation, we will have to wait and see how this plays out. However, some preliminary comments can be made. First, it will be interesting to see how the term “knowingly” is interpreted. Could an agent or vendor avoid the provisions if they merely suspect an issue but do not look further into it? The term “wilful blindness” comes to mind. Second, a fact can be material in either a general or a specific sense. The general sense seems straightforward, as it refers to information most people would consider when deciding whether to buy a property. However, how serious must a crime be to be material? What if the situation involves cultivation of marijuana rather than a more egregious substance? More complex is where a material fact may be of importance to a specific buyer but not buyers generally. For example, in the case discussed above, the buyers’ religion made it impossible for them to live in a home where a violent murder had occurred. In this case, the onus seems to be on the prospective buyer to ask questions about matters of concern to them. <h2>What now?</h2> Although one suspects that buyers of an allegedly haunted house might not succeed under this legislation, the laws address a significant gap regarding disclosure of psychological considerations in the purchase of a property rather than the traditional physical ones.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/132766/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/eileen-webb-95332">Eileen Webb</a>, Professor of Law and Ageing, School of Law, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-south-australia-1180">University of South Australia</a> Image credits: Getty Images This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/when-your-house-has-a-disturbing-history-what-should-buyers-be-told-about-its-past-132766">original article</a>.

Real Estate

Why do I remember embarrassing things I’ve said or done in the past and feel ashamed all over again?

We’ve all done it – you’re walking around going about your business and suddenly you’re thinking about that time in high school you said something really stupid you would never say now. Or that time a few years ago when you made a social gaffe. You cringe and just want to die of shame. Why do these negative memories seem to just pop into our heads? And why do we feel so embarrassed still, when the occasion is long past? How do memories come into our awareness? The current thinking is there are two ways in which we recall experiences from our past. One way is purposeful and voluntary. For example, if you try to remember what you did at work yesterday, or what you had for lunch last Saturday. This involves a deliberate and effortful process during which we search for the memory in our minds. The second way is <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0963721410370301" target="_blank" rel="noopener">unintended and spontaneous</a>. These are memories that just seem to “pop” into our minds and can even be unwanted or intrusive. So, where does this second type of memory come from? Part of the answer lays in how memories are connected to each other. The current understanding is our past experiences are represented in <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1364661318300652?casa_token=SSFCzEsOjMkAAAAA:dYMJ2aVZpSCs9JCD9-iXsTMMnkyqnNtlcOoxA3lLzs8sNRrA8SXqb5LYamz25ZcMrsYxLoftp3A" target="_blank" rel="noopener">connected networks of cells</a> that reside in our brain, called neurons. These neurons grow physical connections with each other through the overlapping information in these representations. For example, memories might share a type of context (different beaches you’ve been to, restaurants you’ve eaten at), occur at similar periods of life (childhood, high school years), or have emotional and thematic overlap (times we have loved or argued with others). <figure class="align-center zoomable"><a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/493440/original/file-20221104-13-ha3lz8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/493440/original/file-20221104-13-ha3lz8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/493440/original/file-20221104-13-ha3lz8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/493440/original/file-20221104-13-ha3lz8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/493440/original/file-20221104-13-ha3lz8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=401&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/493440/original/file-20221104-13-ha3lz8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/493440/original/file-20221104-13-ha3lz8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/493440/original/file-20221104-13-ha3lz8.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=503&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" alt="A bakery window" /></a><figcaption>Memories can be triggered by internal stimuli (thoughts, feelings) or external stimuli (something we see, hear, smell). Yeh Xintong/Unsplash, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">CC BY</a></figcaption></figure> An initial activation of a memory could be triggered by an external stimuli from the environment (sights, sounds, tastes, smells) or internal stimuli (thoughts, feelings, physical sensations). Once neurons containing these memories are activated, associated memories are then <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.3758/s13423-020-01792-x" target="_blank" rel="noopener">more likely to be recalled into conscious awareness</a>. An example might be walking past a bakery, smelling fresh bread, and having a spontaneous thought of last weekend when you cooked a meal for a friend. This might then lead to a memory of when toast was burned and there was smoke in the house. Not all activation will lead to a conscious memory, and at times the associations between memories might not be entirely clear to us. Why do memories make us feel? When memories come to mind, we often experience <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/(SICI)1099-0720(199610)10:5%3C435::AID-ACP408%3E3.0.CO;2-L" target="_blank" rel="noopener">emotional responses to them</a>. In fact, involuntary memories tend to be <a href="https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/full/10.1098/rstb.2019.0693" target="_blank" rel="noopener">more negative than voluntary memories</a>. Negative memories also tend to have a <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1037/1089-2680.5.4.323" target="_blank" rel="noopener">stronger emotional tone</a> than positive memories. Humans are more motivated to avoid bad outcomes, bad situations, and bad definitions of ourselves than to seek out good ones. This is likely due to the pressing need for survival in the world: physically, mentally, and socially. So involuntary memories can make us feel acutely sad, anxious, and even ashamed of ourselves. For example, a memory involving embarrassment or shame might indicate to us we have done something others might find to be distasteful or negative, or in some way we have violated social norms. These emotions are important for us to feel, and we learn from our memories and these emotional responses to manage future situations differently. Does this happen to some people more than others? This is all well and good, and mostly we’re able to remember our past and experience the emotions without too much distress. But it may happen for some people more than others, and with stronger emotions attached. One clue as to why comes from research on <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2023-06108-001" target="_blank" rel="noopener">mood-congruent memory</a>. This is the tendency to be more likely to recall memories which are consistent with our <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/(SICI)1099-0720(199610)10:5%3C435::AID-ACP408%3E3.0.CO;2-L" target="_blank" rel="noopener">current mood</a>. <figure class="align-right zoomable"><a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/493442/original/file-20221104-13-e9jr5g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/493442/original/file-20221104-13-e9jr5g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/493442/original/file-20221104-13-e9jr5g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=900&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/493442/original/file-20221104-13-e9jr5g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=900&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/493442/original/file-20221104-13-e9jr5g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=900&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/493442/original/file-20221104-13-e9jr5g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=1131&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/493442/original/file-20221104-13-e9jr5g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=1131&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/493442/original/file-20221104-13-e9jr5g.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=1131&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" alt="Man at desk thinking" /></a><figcaption>Ruminating is often unhelpful. pexels/olia danilevich, <a class="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">CC BY</a></figcaption></figure> So, if you’re feeling sad, well, you’re more likely to recall memories related to disappointments, loss or shame. Feeling anxious or bad about yourself? You’re more likely to recall times when you felt scared or unsure. In some mental health disorders, such as <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0272735817303914?casa_token=k0OOX1ybROYAAAAA:UXy5KQk-_8h37dwSCDJqkoFebDn3b5atTodeeF0eYGeHjgtimUUcznPX9_Sxmq-5QsYx5gcUFQ" target="_blank" rel="noopener">major depression</a>, people more often recall memories that evoke negative feelings, the negative feelings are relatively stronger, and these feelings of shame or sadness are perceived as facts about themselves. That is, feelings become facts. Another thing that is more likely in some mental health disorders is <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0005796720300243?casa_token=eaQkokETnM8AAAAA:WjFF1oStuF9VUm7KWdP1zwd7CluYm9M5YZKTotYEV8v0ijZDJ2eDSLdv_Di6kICGw7h59kmW4y4" target="_blank" rel="noopener">rumination</a>. When we ruminate, we repetitively think about negative past experiences and how we feel or felt about them. On the surface, the function of rumination is to try and “work out” what happened and learn something or problem-solve so these experiences do not happen again. While this is good idea in theory, when we ruminate we become stuck in the past and re-experience negative emotions <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0005796720300243?casa_token=eaQkokETnM8AAAAA:WjFF1oStuF9VUm7KWdP1zwd7CluYm9M5YZKTotYEV8v0ijZDJ2eDSLdv_Di6kICGw7h59kmW4y4" target="_blank" rel="noopener">without much benefit</a>. Not only that, but it means those memories in our neural networks become more strongly connected with other information, and are even more likely to then be <a href="https://www.pnas.org/doi/abs/10.1073/pnas.1800006115" target="_blank" rel="noopener">recalled involuntarily</a>. Can we stop the negative feelings? The good news is memories are very adaptable. When we recall a memory we can elaborate on it and change our thoughts, feelings, and appraisals of past experiences. In a process referred to as “<a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/buy/2018-24701-001" target="_blank" rel="noopener">reconsolidation</a>”, changes can be made so the next time that memory is recalled it is different to what it once was and has a changed emotional tone. For example, we might remember a time when we felt anxious about a test or a job interview that didn’t go so well and feel sad or ashamed. Reflecting, elaborating and reframing that memory might involve remembering some aspects of it that did go well, integrating it with the idea that you stepped up to a challenge even though it was hard, and reminding yourself it’s okay to feel anxious or disappointed about difficult things and it does not make us a failure or a bad person. Through this process of rewriting experiences in a way that is reasonable and self-compassionate, their prominence in our life and self-concept can be reduced, and <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/13607863.2011.651434" target="_blank" rel="noopener">our well-being can improve</a>. As for rumination, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0272735813001207?casa_token=arG_36s8na4AAAAA:Wrlcppj451P7mZlxg44UyooaM25GpoEwTFtx5gfHFc-k2M2cWCXXO75JYC9P7DnMKF7vw7SlcA" target="_blank" rel="noopener">one evidenced-based strategy</a> is to recognise when it is happening and try to shift attention onto something absorbing and sensorial (for example doing something with your hands or focusing on sights or sounds). This attention shifting can short circuit rumination and get you doing something more valued. Overall, remember that even though our brain will give us little reminders of our experiences, we don’t have to be stuck in the past.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/190535/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> Writen by David John Hallford. Republished with permission from <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-do-i-remember-embarrassing-things-ive-said-or-done-in-the-past-and-feel-ashamed-all-over-again-190535" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>. Image: Getty Images

Mind

“A pain in the a***”: Security expert reveals why woman posing as Prince Andrew’s fiancée got past security

A woman claiming to be Prince Andrew’s fiancée was able to get past security because staff were too “terrified” to check with the royal according to a specialist detective. The Spanish woman claimed to be Irene Windsor and was due to have dinner with the Duke of York when she arrived at the security gate of the Royal Lodge in Winsdor last April, and was allowed in without her identification checked. Her cab fare was even paid for by security officers, with her cover eventually blown when she entered the building and a suspicious staff member alerted police - but not before she walked around the grounds for up to 40 minutes. Philip Grindell, the founder of VIP security firm Defuse and a former specialist detective with the Met Police, has now claimed that staff were reluctant to check the woman’s story with Prince Andrew because of his reputation. Grindell, who was responsible for planning and running security measures for high-profile events that included those with royals and the military, made the claims while speaking at the International Security Expo in London, describing the royal as an “unpleasant character”. "Prince Andrew is a pain in the a*** and if you have ever worked with him, is an unpleasant character and the security were terrified of asking him 'is anyone turning up?'” Grindell said. "And because they did not want to upset him, no one asked and they assumed he must have an appointment and let her in. "The security were terrified of asking him." Paul Page, a former Met Police royal protection officer, separately shared a similar account about working with the controversial royal. "When I heard this it became blatantly obvious that the security involved were in the same position with Prince Andrew as I was 20 years ago, in that they were too frightened to question unidentified female visitors as it would always end in him abusing us for stopping them,” he said at the expo. "This is a classic example of what we feared would happen one day." At the time, the woman was found with maps of the Royal Lodge and other royal residences, as well as a self-defence key ring with two sharp prongs. She was arrested on suspicion of burglary before being sectioned under the Mental Health Act and eventually released without charge. Image: Getty Images

Legal

Readers Respond: What is something from the past that you wish would be brought back?

We all do it. Sit there and reminisce about the good ol’ days. Life was good back then…it still is now but we can all admit there are some things we wish would have stayed the same. We asked our readers to share something from the past that they wish would be brought back and it appears that most of you agreed on a common answer: respect. Check out some of your other responses below. Kathryn Potter - Manners, respect, common sense and dignity but also I would love the simpler times back too! Raelene Oliver - Respect, honesty and caring for each other. Suzanne Stovel - No welfare. People actually having to work, to have money. Qualified tradespeople. Less dependence on technology. Carol Edmonds - SPs made by Peters ice cream, strawberry and pineapple ice cream covered in chocolate. Dawn Dominick - The city of old...was always a treat to go to the city in the 60s. Valerie Keily - Decent radio stations and local TV stations have more local shows and also variety shows. Adrian Whiley - Everything. Life was so much simpler back then. Also manners and respect. Since social media people have forgotten how to talk to each other. It's all done by texting. Lois Sullivan - Close all shops by 12 noon on Saturday, open 9am Monday. All workers need time out also. Worked very well for us as kids. Marion Bradley - Good old fashioned cooking. (Less processed) Parental control over your child. Respect, responsibility for your actions. Manners. Yvonne Dyer - Simple ways of living. Far too many choices with everything. Share something you wish would be brought back <a href="https://www.facebook.com/oversixtyNZ/posts/pfbid0egPYdDmX2RFE9TAVpXXargvuztYFrC2wEZTJR17GpW8F9GVvgzGh9RWH3S19hPr3l" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a>. Image: Shutterstock

Retirement Life

Unlikely hack makes ironing a thing of the past

Wishing you could find a way to make ironing a thing of the past? Well, you’re in luck. This clever grandma has come up with a genius hack for crease-free clothing – and best of all, there is no iron in sight. The savvy nan called Babs, also known as brunchwithbabs on Instagram, shared the hack on her page and she’s gone viral. The US-based grandmother who calls herself the “internet mom/grandma you didn’t know you needed” shares all kinds of advice on her page gaining her quite the following. Captioning the video showing how to remove creases from clothes without an iron, Babs writes: “Babs Hack *tip: high heat, works great on cotton and another option is throwing in a damp rag which also works like a charm.” In the footage, Babs asks viewers, ”Do you like to iron on a beautiful sunny day? Me neither. ”Try ice cubes instead.” <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cdalnisloi4/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cdalnisloi4/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Babs (@brunchwithbabs)</a> </div> </blockquote> “Four to five ice cubes right in,” she revealed, before adding that you should let the ice cubes do their magic for 10 to 15 minutes. At the end of the video, Babs can be seen removing the dresses and showing they are wrinkle-free. The video has been viewed more than 50,000 times and her fans are impressed. Let us know if you've tried this genius hack.

Home Hints & Tips

Past policies have created barriers to voting in remote First Nations communities

The rate of voter participation in federal elections by people living in remote Indigenous communities has been <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8497.2010.01552.x" target="_blank" rel="noopener">lower than the national average</a> since First Nations people were granted the right to vote in 1962. In recent years, the rate has been in <a href="http://doi.org/10.22459/DAER.05.2012;%20http://doi.org/10.25911/5df209771dd57" target="_blank" rel="noopener">decline</a>. Rates are lowest in the Northern Territory. The low rate of participation among First Nations people living in remote communities could affect the lower house election results in the Northern Territory seat of Lingiari. Warren Snowden has stepped down after 20 years holding the seat. Determining rates of voter participation Measuring the number of First Nations people (or any particular demographic group) who vote in federal elections is challenging. Electoral rolls do not include information about cultural identity. Census figures, which could be used as a basis for comparison against voter turnout rates, are imprecise. Data from the 2005 NT Assembly general election <a href="http://doi.org/10.22459/DAER.05.2012;%20https:/press.anu.edu.au/publications/directions-australian-electoral-reform" target="_blank" rel="noopener">show</a> voting rates were 20% lower in electorates with the highest Indigenous populations. In his study of the 2019 federal election, Australian National University researcher <a href="http://doi.org/10.25911/5df209771dd57" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Will Sanders</a> found <blockquote> perhaps only half of eligible Aboriginal citizens […] may be utilising their right to vote. </blockquote> Reports from the Northern Territory’s most recent Assembly election also found <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-08-21/poor-indigenous-voter-turnout-at-nt-election/12580688" target="_blank" rel="noopener">record low</a><a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-08-15/coronavirus-impacting-on-remote-voter-turnout-nt-election/12559066">turnout</a> across Indigenous communities. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8497.2010.01552.x" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Research</a> <a href="http://doi.org/10.25911/5df209771dd57" target="_blank" rel="noopener">shows</a> rates of informal votes are also higher in remote Indigenous communities. <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> NLC accuses the Australian Electoral Commission of 'failing' Aboriginal voters [Matt Garrick, ABC] Northern Territory land council has accused the AEC of failing Aboriginal people by not engaging more bush voters to have their say at the federal election.<a href="https://t.co/fCKRluGaoD">https://t.co/fCKRluGaoD</a> <a href="https://t.co/J3a04DyJJB">pic.twitter.com/J3a04DyJJB</a> — First Nations Tgraph (@FNTelegraph) <a href="https://twitter.com/FNTelegraph/status/1514025685521952770?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 12, 2022</a></blockquote> Barriers to First Nations people voting Decisions made at the federal level over the last three decades appear to have provided significant obstacles to voting in some First Nations communities. First is the 1996 abolition of the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Election Education and Information Service. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8497.2010.01552.x" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Two</a> <a href="http://doi.org/10.22459/DAER.05.2012;%20https:/press.anu.edu.au/publications/directions-australian-electoral-reform" target="_blank" rel="noopener">studies</a> point to this abolition as a potential reason for a decline in voting rates in remote Indigenous communities since the mid-nineties. Established in 1979, this service existed specifically to increase voter registration rates among First Nations people. This was done by, for example, providing voter education and election materials in Indigenous languages. The second decision was the 2005 abolition of the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Commission. First Nations people participated in five of the Commission’s elections administered by the same Australian Electoral Commission responsible for federal elections. Although voting was voluntary, <a href="https://openresearch-repository.anu.edu.au/bitstream/1885/41511/3/2003_DP252.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener">analysis</a> shows participation was higher in northern and central Australia than in southern Australia. The third relevant policy change was the passage of the 2006 Electoral Integrity Bill. This introduced more stringent rules for the identification required to vote, making it more difficult for people in <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8497.2010.01552.x" target="_blank" rel="noopener">at least one remote community</a> to register to vote. The Morrison government’s unsuccessful 2021 proposal to introduce even tougher <a href="https://www.canberratimes.com.au/story/7488468/govt-accused-of-trumpist-move-to-suppress-voting/?cs=14264" target="_blank" rel="noopener">voter identification laws</a> would likely <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2021/oct/27/proposed-voter-id-laws-real-threat-to-rights-of-indigenous-australians-and-people-without-homes" target="_blank" rel="noopener">exacerbate this problem</a>. The fourth policy decision was a 2012 change to the Commonwealth Electoral Act, known as the “Federal Direct Enrolment and Update”. This enabled the Australian Electoral Commission to register eligible Australians to vote based on information available through several government agencies. These include Centrelink/the Department of Human Services, the Australian Taxation Office, and the National Exchange of Vehicle and Driver Information Service. But the Electoral Commission has <a href="http://doi.org/10.25911/5df209771dd57" target="_blank" rel="noopener">chosen not to use this mechanism for enrolment in parts of Australia</a> where mail is sent to a single community address (“mail exclusion areas”). This means people living in many remote communities are not automatically added to the electoral roll, unlike most of the rest of Australia. West Arnhem Regional Council mayor Matthew Ryan and Yalu Aboriginal Corporation chairman Ross Mandi launched an official complaint to the Australian Human Rights Commissioner over this issue in June last year. They <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-06-19/nt-voters-racial-discrimination-human-rights-commission/100227762" target="_blank" rel="noopener">argued</a> failure to apply the Federal Direct Enrolment and Update in remote communities represents a breach of the Racial Discrimination Act. A <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8497.2010.01552.x" target="_blank" rel="noopener">survey</a> of residents in one remote community on South Australia’s APY lands found a lack of information contributed to low participation in elections. Obstacles included: <ul> <li> a lack of materials available in appropriate languages </li> <li> uncertainty about how to cast a formal vote </li> <li> problems related to literacy, and </li> <li> a lack of appropriate identification necessary to enrol. </li> </ul> In October last year, the Australian Electoral Commission announced new funding for its <a href="https://www.aec.gov.au/media/2021/10-28.htm" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Indigenous Electoral Participation program</a> with the aim of increasing enrolment rates; the upcoming election will show if the program is working. Lingiari Given that voting is compulsory in Australia, non-participation is a concern in any election. But these issues are likely to be particularly relevant in the 2022 federal election, at least in the seat of Lingiari. Lingiari covers all of the Northern Territory outside the greater Darwin/Palmerston area. So it is the one House of Representatives division where Indigenous Australians (many of them living in remote communities) have clear electoral <a href="http://doi.org/10.25911/5df209771dd57" target="_blank" rel="noopener">power</a>. Providing more mobile polling booths could help make voting easier for people in remote Indigenous communities. Currently, these booths can be present for as little as two hours during an entire election period. There is also <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8497.2010.01552.x" target="_blank" rel="noopener">evidence</a> Indigenous people are more likely to vote in elections for Indigenous candidates, and for candidates who have visited their community. Warren Snowden has represented the electorate since its creation in 2001, but he is not contesting this election; the seat is up for grabs. Indigenous people will determine who takes Snowden’s place. But how many of them vote may be limited by their ability to enrol, the availability of information in an appropriate language, and access a polling booth.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/181194/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/morgan-harrington-1207111" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Morgan Harrington</a>, Research Fellow, Centre for Aboriginal Economic Policy Research, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/australian-national-university-877" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Australian National University</a> This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/past-policies-have-created-barriers-to-voting-in-remote-first-nations-communities-181194" target="_blank" rel="noopener">original article</a>. Image: The Australian Electoral Commision (<a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/auselectoralcom/48720382352/in/album-72157710806573631/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Flickr</a>)

Legal

Peter van Onselen reveals past abuse in debate with Grace Tame

Content warning: This article mentions paedophilia, child sexual abuse and rape. Grace Tame has called out Peter van Onselen, after the pair engaged in a heated conversation on Twitter that saw him disclose that he was also a victim of child sexual abuse. Van Onselen previously wrote in The Australian that he was “lucky” to not be abused by a notorious paedophile he had gained the attention of, and has now said that wasn’t the case. The conversation was sparked by van Onselen commenting on a separate tweet by Dr Gemma Carey, suggesting that her family being banned from the GP clinic they had been seeing for a long time was “a sign that you’re a complete pain in the arse”. <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> That’s how I felt when as a survivor myself of child sexual abuse (he was convicted) she accused me of being a threat to my wife. Unfortunately you then helped her raise money when I had the temerity to ask her to apologise. Thanks for all your support. — Peter van Onselen 🎣 (@vanOnselenP) <a href="https://twitter.com/vanOnselenP/status/1509487096087838722?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">March 31, 2022</a></blockquote> Grace Tame retweeted a screenshot of his comment with the caption, “When you victimise a vulnerable person, that’s a pretty good sign too.” This prompted van Onselen to say he was a victim of child sexual abuse from a person who was convicted at the time that he shared his story to police. Tame replied noting that the person who he said abused him hadn’t been convicted of crimes against him, writing that “co-opting other survivors’ experiences is a whole new low, mate”. Van Onselen also said Tame forced him to make the disclosure after she accused him of co-opting the stories of other victims of the same person. “You have made me say this which is incredibly distressing but there you go,” he wrote. “The police knew of three other boys he raped who didn’t want to testify. I was one of them.” “I was going off your own words, Peter. You are responsible for when and what you publicly disclose, not me. I ask again that you leave me alone now,” Tame replied, attaching a screenshot from his article in The Australian. <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> That’s how I felt when as a survivor myself of child sexual abuse (he was convicted) she accused me of being a threat to my wife. Unfortunately you then helped her raise money when I had the temerity to ask her to apologise. Thanks for all your support. — Peter van Onselen 🎣 (@vanOnselenP) <a href="https://twitter.com/vanOnselenP/status/1509487096087838722?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">March 31, 2022</a></blockquote> “Like lots of survivors I have sought to not go public about what happened to me. I spoke to the police about exactly that as my abuser was being sentenced. Please stop shaming me for not having your courage to choose to go public.” “I have not shamed you, not once,” Tame replied. “You’re manipulating this entire situation. I have pointed out exactly what I have known to be true.” Tame returned to Twitter on Friday morning to explain the situation. “I stood up for a friend whom Peter demeaned unsolicitedly,” she wrote. “He then used ‘convicted’ paedophilia survivorship as a defence, in a tweet he copied and pasted several times - to me a paedophilia survivor. “Prior, he publicly aserted me he was “not sexually abused”, so I called him out.” Earlier the same day, she asserted that every survivor “deserves to be heard and respected”, but that trauma shouldn’t “excuse bad behaviour”. <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> Every survivor of rape and abuse deserves to be heard and receive compassion. Every single one. Trauma, however, doesn’t excuse bad behaviour. It is not a weapon of provocation or oneupmanship to deploy in the face of others at your convenience, especially not fellow survivors. — Grace Tame (@TamePunk) <a href="https://twitter.com/TamePunk/status/1509669097759723523?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">March 31, 2022</a></blockquote> “It is not a weapon of provocation or one-up-manship to deploy in the face of others at your convenience, especially not fellow survivors.” Van Onselen originally wrote that he had been groomed by a paedophile but had not been abused in his The Australian piece. “To be very clear from the outset, I was not sexually abused, I am one of the lucky ones” he wrote at the time. “But only just. A teacher … tried to sexually assault me on a school trip. He was convicted for doing so to three other boys on that same trip.” But, he also wrote that he may have “dissociated” during the abuse and may “have blocked more that happened”. In his latest online spat, the Project co-host also referred to a previous altercation with Dr Carey, when he had threatened to sue her over a tweet suggesting he was a danger to his wife in an old photo with Christian Porter. Image: Roy Vandervegt (Adelaide Festival) / Getty Images

News

The gruesome past of the Amityville Horror house

The Dutch Colonial house that stands at 112 Ocean Avenue in Amityville, New York, became known as the terrifying scene of horror that was the inspiration behind the iconic horror movie named after the town. The history of the house was so terrifying that one former owner was prompted to call in a priest, while another owner requested that the address of the house be changed. The dark past of the home stems back to November 1974, when 23-year-old Robert DeFeo Jr murdered six members of his family, including his parents, as they slept. The house then remained empty until over one year later, when new owners George and Kathy Lutz moved in with their three children in December 1975. The Lutzes paid just US$80,000 for the five-bedroom property, which is more than US$410,000 ($542,000 AUD) in today's money. The family were aware of the home’s grim past and public stigma, but agreed they would work through it and cope with the public perception. However, just to be sure, they called in a local priest to bless the house. Mr Lutz told ABC News that they called in the priest after unexplainable things started to occur in the house. He said the priest claimed he felt a slap from an unseen hand in the sewing room and heard a voice say “get out”. He then felt sick and his hands began to bleed. Mr Lutz claimed that one night he also witnessed his wife levitating and claims he also heard his children's beds "flaming up and down on the floor". After just 28 days, the Lutzes fled the home and their lives returned to normal. At trial for the murder of his family, Robert DeFeo Jr pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity, which was rejected by the jury who sentenced him to six sentences of 25 years to life. The Lutzes secured a book deal about their alleged experiences in the home, with The Amityville Horror: A True Story selling more than 6 million copies, as well as being adapted into two films. Image credits: Realtor.com

Real Estate

Fresh insight into troubled past of Cleo's alleged abductor

Content warning: This article contains references to deceased Indigenous individuals. Audio has emerged of the woman who raised Terence Darrell Kelly, Cleo Smith’s alleged abductor, revealing that he had a tumultuous early life. The 36-year-old Carnarvon man was removed from his mother’s care as a two-year-old and was raised by Penny Walker, a respected member of the Indigenous community. “His mum didn’t want him and she threw him away,” she <a href="https://www.perthnow.com.au/news/cleo-smith/cleo-smith-found-accused-kidnapper-terence-darrell-kellys-traumatic-childhood-revealed-c-4476537">said </a>in an interview from 2019. “I looked down at him and this little boy - God was giving me something back in my life what the welfare took off me - my children.” Ms Walker said Mr Kelly’s mother was a drug addict and didn’t want him. She then took him in and raised him alongside her two grandsons - who she was caring for after her daughter died from multiple sclerosis (MS). In the <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.watoday.com.au/national/western-australia/audio-files-reveal-difficult-upbringing-of-cleo-smith-s-alleged-abductor-terence-kelly-20211108-p596y8.html" target="_blank">interview</a>, she also spoke about her own traumatic childhood as a member of the Stolen Generation. She spoke of the poor treatment she received as a child at the Moore River Native Settlement and New Norcia Mission, where she was the victim of sexual abuse and beatings. Ms Walker said this led her to become an alcoholic, which resulted in her six children being taken away. She then turned her life around and became a respected member of the Indigenous community in Carnarvon. Ms Walker died in 2020, leaving Mr Kelly alone in their Carnarvon home. When police arrived at the home last week, they found Cleo in a room sitting upright and playing with toys. <img style="width: 500px; height:281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7845436/terence-kelly1.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/e959eb1a366f41e8bff36ecb3282bf94" /> Terence Darrell Kelly boards a plane to Perth, where he will stay in custody until he returns to court in December. Image: Getty Images Mr Kelly was then arrested and faced Carnarvon Magistrate’s Court for several <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/news/news/i-m-coming-for-you-suspect-charged-in-cleo-s-alleged-abduction" target="_blank">charges</a>, including forcibly taking a child under 16. His neighbours described Mr Kelly as a “quiet” and “lonely” individual. The day after his court appearance, he was flown from Carnarvon to Perth and spent his first night in a maximum-security prison. Detectives have since returned to his home as part of their investigation into Cleo’s abduction. Police said they don’t believe the alleged abduction was planned and are investigating a theory that Mr Kelly came across Cleo by chance, according to <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.perthnow.com.au/news/cleo-smith/cleo-smith-found-accused-kidnapper-terence-darrell-kellys-traumatic-childhood-revealed-c-4476537" target="_blank">news.com.au</a>. Mr Kelly has been remanded in custody for four weeks and is due to return to court in December. Image: Getty Images

Legal

Blast from the past! Queen shares never-before-seen pictures

Queen Elizabeth has released a series of rare photographs to mark World Photography Day. The Royal Family shared three images, as they capture "a few moments where the Queen has been pictured behind the lens”. The first photograph shows Her Majesty teaching her two eldest, Prince Charles and Princess Anne, how to use a camera during their annual stay at Balmoral in 1952. The sweet image was followed by another showing the Monarch squinting behind a yellow camera and snapping photos during a visit to the South Sea islands of Tuvalu in 1982. It’s a memory that is sure to have been bittersweet for the Queen as she is sat alongside her late husband, the Duke of Edinburgh. The third photograph was captured of the Queen during her 1977 Australian tour, posing with the same camera in Lindsay Park Stud. The post follows behind Kate Middleton and her husband Prince William taking to social media to celebrate World Photography Day. The couple recognised a few of Britain's youngest and most hopeful photographers. "Photography has an amazing ability to create a lasting record of what we have all experienced & are experiencing,” the pair wrote in an official statement to Twitter. "That's why this #WorldPhotographyDay we wanted to celebrate the youth of the #HoldStill2020 photography project and share images from the youngest finalists". The #HoldStill2020 project is an initiative made by the couple during lockdown. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge asked the public to take images they believed reflected the pandemic. Over 31,000 entries were submitted to the project by hopeful photographers, with just 100 selected by five judges. <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> Photography has an amazing ability to create a lasting record of what we have all experienced & are experiencing. That’s why this <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/WorldPhotographyDay?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#WorldPhotographyDay</a> we wanted to celebrate the youth of the <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/HoldStill2020?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#HoldStill2020</a> photography project and share images from the youngest finalists. <a href="https://t.co/MIyBJJqFlr">pic.twitter.com/MIyBJJqFlr</a> — The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (@KensingtonRoyal) <a href="https://twitter.com/KensingtonRoyal/status/1428308671432470533?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 19, 2021</a></blockquote> A few images from young finalists were shared on social media: "there is so much talent, creativity, and curiosity displayed in each and every one of these pictures". Duchess Kate released a book of some of the images titled Hold Still: A Portrait of Our Nation in 2020. The royal mother kicked off the book with her own words, writing: "when we look back at the COVID-19 pandemic in decades to come, we will think of the challenges we all faced – the loved ones we lost, the extended isolation from our families and friends and the strain placed on our key workers." "But we will also remember the positives: the incredible acts of kindness, the helpers and heroes who emerged from all walks of life, and how together we adapted to a new normal. "Through Hold Still, I wanted to use the power of photography to create a lasting record of what we were all experiencing – to capture individuals' stories and document significant moments for families and communities as we lived through the pandemic."

Beauty & Style

The last surviving village is a portal to the past

Nestled across three acres of land in north-eastern Singapore lies Kampong Lorong Buangkok, Singapore’s last surviving village where fragments of the 60s are still kicking on. Unlike Singapore’s towering skyscrapers and urban sprawl, the squat bungalows of the village remain as a snapshot of how the city used to look. The kampong - meaning “village” in Milay - is made up of about 25 wooden, single-storey dwellings with tin roofs scattered around a suaru (small mosque). Native flora that has since disappeared from the city - such as the ketapang, a native coastal tree - grow freely around the kampong. Though Singapore is now known for its soaring skyline and iconic landmarks like the Marina Bay Sands towers or colourful Gardens by the Bay, up until the 1970s kampongs were found everywhere, with researchers from the National University of Singapore estimating there were as many as 220 found on the island. <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CF7WSk1p5to/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="13"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CF7WSk1p5to/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by William Ong/Singapore (@ongwill)</a> </div> </blockquote> Now, a few still exist on surrounding islands, but Lorong Buangkok is the last on the mainland. As Singapore underwent industrialisation, hundreds of traditional villages were bulldozed to make way for high-rise flats and skyscrapers. Lorong Buangkok escaped the fate of many other kampongs partly as the area surrounding it was less desirable for development than elsewhere in Singapore. The other reason is Sng Mui Hong, who has lived nearly her whole life in the village and has a resolute commitment to preserve the sole surviving kampong. Since the end of Singapore’s lockdown, local guide Kyanta Yap has noticed growing interest in Luong Buangkok. “It’s not that surprising since no-one can travel, and this is a unique local tourist spot,” he said. “There are also many who visit on their own; the general public, bikers, joggers and even groups organised on Meetup.” Though the Singapore government has attempted to redevelop the area in the past, an uproar of objections have seen the government grow to appreciate the rural relics and culture the village represents. “When the time comes for us to finalise our plans for the entire area, the government should work closely with relevant stakeholders to ensure developments are carried out in a holistic and coherent way,” Desmond Lee, the Minister for National Development, has said. “This must involve deep engagement with the kampong families living there at that time, to understand and consider their needs and interests.” Nassim, one of the kampong’s residents, said: “It’s good the government now sees the importance of our kampong. “You need to leave something behind that reminds our young of how this country came about. We came from these humble huts.” Image credit: Grps / Wikipedia

International Travel

Rare chance to buy ritzy house with murderous past

A ritzy home on the water of one of Brisbane’s most fabulous suburbs has hit the market, but it’s dark, murderous past has continued to haunt its walls. What was once a party house filled with socialites on the banks of the Brisbane River, turned into a murder scene in the 1950s when Hamilton resident Sylvia Joyce Clare Ferguson was convicted of the murder of her rich husband Roy Ferguson. The idyllic four bedroom Spanish-style home sits at 2 Grays Road, Hamilton, was a sight then and even now it continues to hold against the multimillion-dollar estates that surround it in the blue-chip suburb. With views of the river, city and Story Bridge – it’s not wonder why this listing is believed to go as quick as it possibly can. A True Crime episode by The Courier-Mail’s Kate Kyriacou explored the deep mystery of the little blue house, saying that Roy and his brother Jack owned pubs near Newcastle and Forbes, a poultry farm in Charleston, New South Wales and other properties, as well as directorships in various companies including breweries. Mrs Ferguson was a simple barmaid in Newcastle when she met Roy. They eventually settled down with each other and moved into the waterfront home in Hamilton, Brisbane. The scandal began when she was jailed along with her lover and a friend over Mr Ferguson’s murder. She protested her innocence from prison years later. The home retains so much charm with a library and multipurpose room, indoor living and entertaining space as well as a living room with a fireplace. The master suite has its very own floor with ensuite, a separate powder room, walk in robe, a living area and a balcony looking out over some of the best river views in Brisbane. The home last sold over 15 years ago and was described as being “like nothing else you will find on the market”, realestate.com.au wrote in the listing. “Boasting a character facade and traditional interior with decorative ceilings, beautiful timber floors, stained glass and classic chandeliers throughout, this is an exclusive offering with endless opportunities to make this home your own.” The property is set to go to auction on Saturday March 20 at 10am.

Real Estate

Prince Charles haunted by past as The Crown blasts affair

The Prince of Wales is not the most popular royal member, and season four of The Crown has only plummeted his approval rating even further. While popular with only 47 per cent of Briton, Prince William and Her Majesty sits at 73 per cent. The duchess of Cornwall is liked by only 34 per cent of the population. Charles has the Netflix series, The Crown, to thank for that – a program watched by more viewers than William's 2011 wedding to Kate Middleton. <img id="__mcenew" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7839171/queen-prince-william-2.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/fcad4d5d3e0648fb920577da9920d79d" /> The current season portrays him as emotionally abusive toward his now-deceased ex-wife, Princess Diana. The wave of backlash against the 72-year-old heir has been so intense that the pair have disabled comments on their official Clarence House Instagram account. There have also been demands for the royal to stand down as the next King of England. "Charles experienced extreme hate when his affair with Camilla was outed, and when Diana was killed – but it was never as bad as this," a source for Woman’s Day said. "The public is reliving those moments now – though obviously in a dramatised way – only this time everyone has a social media account through which to spout their vitriol. “Clarence House is scrambling to contain it, but not many of his PR flunkies truly believe his reputation can recover from this." There are rumours that The Queen may give in to demands to have Prince Charles step down. "For the Queen, the monarchy comes above all else – even her own son," says an insider. "At the rate things are going with everyone turning on Charles, Prince Andrew in hot water for his friendship with Jeffrey Epstein and Prince Harry leaving the family, she feels she can really only trust leaving her empire in Prince William's hands. “He and Catherine have proved themselves to be a steady ship time and time again." "At 94, the Queen should be enjoying her twilight years. Instead, the spectre of her son's failed marriage is back to bite them all. "It's going to be huge if one of her final acts is to cast Charles and Camilla aside and declare that the crown will go to William."

Relationships

“Acknowledge the past”: Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan call on the Commonwealth

Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan have called on the Commonwealth to “acknowledge” its colonial past, even if it is “uncomfortable”. Speaking in a video-link discussion on institutional and systemic racism with young leaders from the Queen’s Commonwealth Trust, Harry said the UK has to reckon with its historic involvement in other countries that now make up the Commonwealth. “When you look across the Commonwealth, there is no way that we can move forward unless we acknowledge the past,” he said. “So many people have done such an amazing incredible job of acknowledging the past and trying to right those wrongs, but I think we all acknowledge on there is so much more still to do. “It’s not going to be easy and in some cases it’s not going to be comfortable but it needs to be done, because guess what, everybody benefits.” The Commonwealth consists of 54 member states, nearly all of which were previously ruled by the British Empire. Meghan added: “We’re going to have to be a little uncomfortable right now, because it’s only in pushing through that discomfort that we get to the other side of this and find the place where a high tide raises all ships. “Equality does not put anyone on the back foot, it puts us all on the same footing – which is a fundamental human right.” <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> Watch the discussion now and share your thoughts on the actions we can take to create a fairer and more just world: <a href="https://t.co/WR7grpu9fG">https://t.co/WR7grpu9fG</a><a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/TeamQCT?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#TeamQCT</a> — The Queen's Commonwealth Trust (@queenscomtrust) <a href="https://twitter.com/queenscomtrust/status/1280109784042217472?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 6, 2020</a></blockquote> The pair also spoke about unconscious bias and the role it plays in people’s lives. “We can’t deny or ignore the fact that all of us have been educated to see the world differently,” Harry said. “However, once you start to realize that there is that bias there, then you need to acknowledge it, you need to do the work to become more aware.” Meghan reflected on her personal experience with unconscious bias and racism. “It’s not just in the big moments, it’s in the quiet moments where racism and unconscious bias lies and thrives. It makes it confusing for a lot of people to understand the role that they play in that, either passively and actively,” she said. “So much of what I’ve come to the understanding of, especially in learning even more about it of late and obviously having had personal experience with it as well, but in people’s complacency they’re complicit, and that I think is the shift that we’re seeing.” The conversation came as the Black Lives Matter movement continues in the US, where the royal couple is residing. Last week, Harry said he regretted not having done enough to “<a href="https://edition.cnn.com/2020/07/02/europe/prince-harry-institutional-racism-endemic-intl-scli/index.html">right the wrongs</a>” of the “endemic” institutional racism in society for young people. Last month Meghan <a href="https://www.oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/beauty-style/meghan-markle-addresses-black-lives-matter-movement-in-new-video-the-only-wrong-thing-to-say-is-to-say-nothing">addressed the killing of George Floyd</a> in a video message to her old high school, saying: “The only wrong thing to say is to say nothing.”

International Travel

Why memories come flooding back when you visit places from your past

We all know our memories get worse as time goes on – your recollection of what you did yesterday is probably a lot better than for the same day three years ago. And yet we often have moments where old and seemingly forgotten memories pop back into mind. Perhaps you have visited your childhood home, walked into your old bedroom, and been hit with a wave of nostalgia. What triggers this rush of memories, and how can you suddenly remember things you may not have thought about for decades? Researchers are realising that the context in which memories are created is crucially important in remembering them later. This idea is known as “<a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41583-019-0150-4">contextual-binding theory</a>”, and it boils down to three components: context learning, context change, and memory search. Let’s start with learning. It is well established that learning in the brain happens by a process of association. If A and B occur together, they become associated. Contextual-binding theory goes a step further: A and B are associated not just with one other, but also with the <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2009-00258-003">context in which they occurred</a>. What is context? It’s not just your physical location – it’s a <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2007-02165-011">mental state</a> that also comprises the thoughts, emotions, and other mental activity you’re experiencing at a given moment. Even as you read this page, changes in your thoughts and mental activity are causing your mental context to change. As a consequence, each memory is associated with different states of context. However, some context states will be similar to each other – perhaps because they share the same location, or mood, or have some other factor in common. This similarity between contexts is important when it comes to retrieving memories. Your brain’s memory search process is rather like a Google search, in that you’re more likely to find what you’re looking for if your search terms closely match the source content. During memory search, your <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2009-00258-003">current mental context is your set of search terms</a>. In any given situation, your brain is rapidly rifling through your memories for ones that most closely resemble your current state of context. Simple but deep These mechanisms are simple, but the implications are profound. According to the theory, you’re most likely to remember memories from contexts that are similar to the context you’re in now. Because your mental context is always changing, your mental context will be most similar to recently experienced memories. This explains why it’s harder to remember older events. But, of course, older memories aren’t permanently forgotten. If you can change your context to resemble those from seemingly long-forgotten memories, you should be able to remember them. This is why those old memories come flooding back when you step into your childhood bedroom or walk past your old school. Context-dependent memory was confirmed by an <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.2044-8295.1975.tb01468.x">ingenious 1975 experiment</a> in which divers memorised lists of words and were then tested both on land and underwater. On land, their recall was best for the words they had learned on land, whereas underwater they were better at remembering the word lists they learned underwater. This phenomenon isn’t limited to physical locations. You may have noticed that when you’re sad about something, you tend to remember other sad events from your life. This is because your mood and emotions also comprise your mental context. Experiments have <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1364661303002183">confirmed</a> that memory is enhanced when your current mood matches the mood in which you learned the information. <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0079742110530032">More than a century’s worth of studies</a> have confirmed we are also better at remembering things if we experience them at different times, rather than repeatedly in quick session. This is one of the main reasons why, when preparing for exams, a regular study routine is more effective than cramming. According to the theory, rapidly repeated material is associated with a single state of context, whereas material repeated across different times and events is associated with several different states of context. This pays off later, when you’re sitting in the exam hall desperately trying to recall the chemical formula for potassium permanganate, because your current state of context will be more likely to match one of the many states of context in which you so diligently did your chemistry revision. Context in the brain Contextual-binding theory can <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41583-019-0150-4">potentially explain a host of other phenomena</a>, such as the effects of brain damage on memory. People with damage to a region in the centre of the brain called the hippocampus are often <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/pmc497229/">unable to form new memories</a>. We suspect this is where context-binding actually occurs, especially given that the hippocampus <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/1098-1063(2000)10:4%3C420::AID-HIPO8%3E3.0.CO;2-5">receives inputs from virtually all other brain regions</a>, enabling associations between different sights, smells, physical sensations, and emotions. A competing theory, known as <a href="https://www.annualreviews.org/doi/abs/10.1146/annurev.psych.55.090902.142050">systems consolidation theory</a>, instead proposes that memories are initially stored in the hippocampus but are gradually transferred and strengthened in other brain regions over time. This theory is supported by the fact that <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0956797612441220">memory for new material is better when you rest after learning</a>. Time spent resting may give the brain a chance to consolidate new memories. However, contextual-binding theory can also <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/cogs.12214">potentially explain this benefit</a>. Resting immediately after learning, as opposed to carrying on shovelling facts into your brain, means fewer memories share the same context, making them easier to distinguish when you revisit that context later. This also explains why rest is also beneficial <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.3758/s13423-014-0737-8">before learning</a>, as well as after. And it underpins the tried and tested advice for hardworking students everywhere: don’t forget to get lots of sleep!<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/124983/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/adam-osth-850390">Adam Osth</a>, Senior Lecturer, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-melbourne-722">University of Melbourne</a> This article is republished from <a href="http://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/heres-why-memories-come-flooding-back-when-you-visit-places-from-your-past-124983">original article</a>.

Mind

Why is it so tough for some to exorcise the ghosts of their romantic pasts?

A friend once grumbled that, given the choice, she’d rather see her ex miserable than herself happy. Few things in life are as traumatic as the end of a long-term, romantic relationship. Nonetheless, many people are able to eventually recover and move on relatively unscathed. Others, like my friend, aren’t so lucky. Even years later, they remain mired in the pain of the experience. Any reminder of their former partner – whether it’s a casual mention in conversation or a Facebook photo – can elicit profound feelings of sadness, anger and resentment. Why is it that some people continue to be haunted by the ghosts of their romantic pasts, struggling to let go of the pain of rejection? In <a href="http://psp.sagepub.com/content/42/1/54.short">a research</a>, my colleague Carol Dweck and I found that rejection actually makes some people redefine themselves – and their future romantic prospects. In one study, we asked people to write about any lessons they’d taken away from a past romantic rejection. Analyzing their responses, we realized that a number of respondents thought the rejection unmasked a basic negative truth about themselves – one that would also sabotage their future relationships. Some said they’d realized that they were too “clingy.” Other thought they’d been “too sensitive” or “bad at communicating.” <a href="http://psp.sagepub.com/content/42/1/54.short">Additional studies</a> explored the consequences of believing that rejection had revealed a fundamental flaw. By linking rejection to some aspect of their core identity, people found it more difficult to move on from the experience. Some said they “put up walls” and became warier about new relationships. Others were afraid to disclose the rejection to a new partner, fearing that this person would change their opinion of them, thinking they had “baggage.” (This might explain why some people hide past rejections, treating them like a scar or stigma.) We then wondered: what makes someone more likely to link a romantic rejection to some aspect of “who they really are”? After all, other respondents wrote that rejection was merely a part of life, that it was an important part of growing up and actually caused them to become better people. It turns out that your beliefs about personality can play a big role in how you’ll respond to romantic rejection. <a href="http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1207/s15327965pli0604_1">Past research</a> has found that people hold divergent views about their personal characteristics, whether it’s their intelligence or shyness. Some people have a “fixed mindset,” believing that these qualities are unchangeable. In contrast, those who have a “growth mindset” believe that their personality is something that can evolve and develop throughout their lives. These basic beliefs shape how people respond to failure. For example, when people believe that intelligence is fixed, they’ll feel worse about themselves – and are less likely to persist – after experiencing a setback. We thought that beliefs about personality might determine whether people see rejection as a piece of evidence about who they really are – as a sign of whether they are a flawed and undesirable person. In one study, we divided people into two groups: those who think personality is fixed, and those who think personality is malleable. <a href="https://osf.io/h6tm5/">Participants then read one of two stories</a>. In one, we asked them to imagine being left, out of the blue, by a long-term partner. In the other, we asked them to imagine meeting someone at a party, feeling a spark and then later overhearing that person telling a friend that they would never be romantically interested in her or him. We might expect that only a severe rejection from a serious relationship would have the power to make people question who they are. Instead, a pattern emerged. For people with a fixed view of personality, we found that even a rejection from a relative stranger could prompt them to wonder what this rejection unveiled about their core self. These people might worry that there was something so obviously undesirable about them that a person would reject them outright – without even getting to know them. So what can we do to prevent people from linking rejection to the self in this negative way? One promising piece of evidence shows that changing someone’s beliefs about personality can shift his or her reaction to rejections. In a final study, <a href="https://osf.io/yt49a/">we created articles</a> that described personality as something that can evolve throughout the course of a lifetime, rather than as something that’s predetermined. When we asked people with a fixed view of personality to read these articles, they became less likely to interpret rejections as an indication of a permanent, fatal deficiency. By encouraging the belief that personality can change and develop over time, we may be able to help people exorcise the ghosts of their romantic pasts – and move on to satisfying relationships in the future.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/53028/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/lauren-howe-219377">Lauren Howe</a>, Ph.D. Candidate in Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/stanford-university-890">Stanford University</a> This article is republished from <a href="http://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-is-it-so-tough-for-some-to-exorcise-the-ghosts-of-their-romantic-pasts-53028">original article</a>.

Relationships

Asking people with memory loss about past holidays can help them recall happy times

Many people love the holidays because they are a time to make happy memories with loved ones. But what if you could do something that would help restore memories in some of the people you love? Using a process called <a href="http://doi.org/10.1002/14651858.CD001120.pub2">reminiscence therapy</a>, that may be possible. In reminiscence therapy, elders are encouraged to discuss memories across their lifespan, particularly memories of positive experiences. As <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=dIcnUcoAAAAJ&hl=en&oi=ao">researchers</a> who specialize in <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=3RedgqwAAAAJ&hl=en&oi=ao">geropsychology</a>, and in preparation for the holidays, we wanted to explain this technique and encourage readers to use this evidence-based approach to connect with loved ones with impaired memory and dementia. The benefits of happy memories Nearly 9% of American adults aged 65 and older <a href="https://doi.org/10.1001/jamainternmed.2016.6807%5D">meet criteria for dementia</a>. Family members often function as formal and informal caregivers for loved ones who develop dementia, and these caregivers can experience a range of <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/0895-4356(92)90189-T">physical and psychological outcomes</a>. It typically involves asking the person about different events from particular times in the person’s life. Around the holidays, older adults may already be primed to discuss holiday-themed memories due to the influx of sensory cues, including the twinkling of holiday decorations, the smell of holiday cookies, and of course, seasonal music. An analysis of several studies on research on <a href="https://doi.org/10.1002/14651858.CD001120.pub3">reminiscence therapy</a> for dementia suggests that it can improve <a href="https://doi.org/10.1177/1471301213516332">quality of life, communication and mood</a>. Individuals who engage in reminiscence therapy with their loved ones report that the experience is generally positive for them, too, and can be an effective coping strategy when other communication becomes difficult. Another study found that caregivers reported feeling <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jalz.2016.03.008">more emotionally close</a> with their loved ones with dementia when practicing reminiscence therapy. Also, they reported lower informal care costs than caregivers who felt more distant from their loved ones. Ask for details Here are some tips to implement reminiscence therapy. Most center on asking questions that may help prompt older adults to reminisce about holiday-themed memories. For example: <ul> <li> What were your family traditions around the holidays when you were growing up? </li> <li> Did you have a Christmas tree? When and who would decorate it? </li> <li> Were there particular foods you would make and eat around the holidays? </li> <li> Did you ever travel for the holidays? </li> <li> What was your first holiday season with your spouse like? </li> <li> What were your holiday traditions when you were a parent? </li> <li> What is your favorite New Year’s Eve memory? </li> </ul> Be an attentive listener. Make eye contact with your loved one, and angle your body toward theirs so that they know they have your undivided attention. Ask follow-up questions when appropriate. This indicates to your loved one that you heard what they said and are interested to know more. Engage your loved one in low-impact activities that engage multiple senses. For example, baking holiday-themed cookies can elicit memories through touch (rolling out dough, decorating), smell (of ingredients, while baking), and taste (of the finished product). Encourage your loved ones to be mindful of their sensory experience at each stage of the activity and ask them about any memories that the sensation might bring to mind. Use visual aids to help with prompting retrieval of memories, such as pictures of past holiday events. Pictures can prompt older adults of specific past events. Listening to holiday-themed music while baking will also engage the auditory part of the brain. <a href="https://doi.org/10.1002/gps.3895">A 2013 study</a> of research on music therapy for dementia concluded that music therapy can be a useful intervention in its own right. We hope you give reminiscence therapy a try this holiday season. It may just be the start of a new family tradition. <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/michael-r-nadorff-731133">Michael R. Nadorff</a>, Associate Professor of Psychology, <a href="http://theconversation.com/institutions/mississippi-state-university-1970">Mississippi State University</a> and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/mary-e-dozier-891282">Mary E. Dozier</a>, Assistant Professor of Psychology, <a href="http://theconversation.com/institutions/mississippi-state-university-1970">Mississippi State University</a> This article is republished from <a href="http://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/asking-people-with-memory-loss-about-past-holidays-can-help-them-recall-happy-times-125520">original article</a>.

Mind

Five punishments past and present for jurors who fall foul of the law

Jurors in England and Wales have come under repeated criticism in recent years for the ways they’ve carried out their duties. In late March, a jury member at Carlisle Crown Court <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cumbria-43490590">was fined £1,000</a> for playing on his phone during a trial in what the judge described as “blatant contempt of court”. In November 2017, a jury was <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-wiltshire-42100936">dismissed</a> at Winchester Crown Court after what one newspaper described as <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/11/23/parachute-trial-jury-discharged-failing-reach-verdict/">“an extraordinary row”</a> between judge and jury. Some jurors have <a href="http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/juror-who-took-role-seriously-13616425">even been imprisoned</a> for carrying out illicit research into the case before them. In the past there were a number of ways to punish jurors – some of which still stand today. Attaint In medieval England, if it was suspected that a jury of 12 had returned an inaccurate verdict in a civil trial, the case could be reheard by a 24-strong jury. If the second jury disagreed with the first jury’s verdict, the first jury would be punished. This procedure was <a href="https://www.academia.edu/33924828/Before_the_Criminal_Justice_and_Courts_Act_2015_Juror_Punishment_in_Nineteenth-and_Twentieth-Century_England_2016_36_2_Legal_Studies_179">called the attaint</a>. Initially, punishment under the attaint meant imprisonment and the destruction of the jurors’ homes and lands, although by the end of the 15th century this had been replaced with perpetual infamy and a fine. The attaint never seems to have been used on criminal juries, and by the end of the 16th century it seems to have stopped being used even in civil trials. The system was formally abolished in 1825. Embracery Chief Justice Vaughan famously <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bushel%27s_Case">ruled</a> in 1670 that jurors could not be punished simply for returning a verdict which the trial judge disagreed with. He was happy to punish jurors in some circumstances, however, having convicted two jurors of “embracery” the previous year. Embracery occurred where threats or bribes were used in order to encourage jurors to return a favourable verdict. It was an offence both to try to “embrace” a juror and to be “embraced” when actually serving as a juror. One embracer was convicted as late as 1975, although the Court of Appeal complained that a simple charge of contempt of court would have been better. This stopped any further prosecutions for embracery, and the offence was <a href="https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2010/23/section/17">formally abolished in 2010</a>. Perverting the course of justice Perverting the course of justice as a juror is a broader offence than embracery, but it works in a similar way. It’s possible both for the person interfering with a jury, and for a juror who accepts a bribe or is otherwise compromised, to be punished. The offence still exists today, but prosecutions of jurors for perverting the course of justice have always been rare. As recently as 2011, the Court of Appeal <a href="http://www.bailii.org/cgi-bin/format.cgi?doc=/ew/cases/EWHC/Admin/2011/1629.html">made reference</a> to the option of prosecuting jurors under this offence where a juror had been communicating with a defendant, but judges seemed satisfied with the more conventional charge of contempt of court made against the juror. Contempt of court – and new offences Contempt of court is a broadly defined offence, consisting essentially of anything which undermines the authority of the court. A famous example of jurors punished for contempt came in 1670, when several jurors – including their foreman, Edward Bushel – were imprisoned for refusing to convict a pair of Quaker preachers. The Court of Common Pleas, ruling in Bushel’s case, held that juror punishment in these circumstances was unlawful. But the fact that judges could not longer punish jurors simply for returning verdicts with which the judges disagreed doesn’t mean that jurors are completely protected from contempt proceedings today. In recent years, several jurors have <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-16676871">been imprisoned for contempt</a> after disobeying clear judicial instructions not to go online in order to find additional evidence in the cases they are trying. In 2015, four <a href="http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2015/2/part/3/crossheading/juries-and-members-of-the-court-martial/enacted">new criminal offences were created</a> relating to independent research done by jurors. These new offences were intended to “send a message” to potential jurors that the government takes juror misconduct very seriously. It is now a criminal offence – triable by jury – for anyone acting as a juror to: <ul> <li>Research the case they are trying as a juror.</li> <li>Disclose the product of any such research to a fellow juror.</li> <li>Act in any other way which demonstrates an intention to reach a conclusion based on something other than the evidence presented in court.</li> <li>Solicit or disclose the details of the jury’s deliberations to people who were not on the jury.</li> </ul> In September 2017, the foreman of a jury <a href="https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/juror-who-took-role-seriously-13616425">was sentenced to four months’</a> imprisonment after going online to research some of the details of the case he was trying. Rebukes from the bench Beyond these formal kinds of punishment which are still possible, it’s also possible for judges to simply rebuke their jurors. In 1917, a group of jurors were kept in a state of <a href="https://www.academia.edu/33924828/Before_the_Criminal_Justice_and_Courts_Act_2015_Juror_Punishment_in_Nineteenth-and_Twentieth-Century_England_2016_36_2_Legal_Studies_179">virtual imprisonment</a> after a falling out with their judge. They were told they would never serve on another jury, but that they must still report for jury service for several weeks, on pain of punishment under the contempt laws if they failed to attend. In the case in November 2017, the jury at Winchester Crown Court was warned that they should not bully each other during their deliberations. Before they were discharged, they <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/nov/23/jury-dismissed-in-trial-of-man-emile-cilliers-accused-of-tampering-with-wifes-parachute">wrote a note</a> to the court, complaining that: But while these jurors might feel slighted, at least they did not have to face formal sanctions. As the trial judge explained to them, it was his responsibility to keep an eye on any misconduct, and to find some way to “flush it out”. Written by Kevin Crosby. Republished with permission of <a href="https://theconversation.com/five-punishments-past-and-present-for-jurors-who-fall-foul-of-the-law-88432">The Conversation.</a>

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"I was terrified": Law & Order star reveals traumatic past

Is the Barbie movie a bold step to reinvent and fix past wrongs or a clever ploy to tap a new market?

When your house has a (disturbing) history, what should buyers be told about its ‘past’?

Why do I remember embarrassing things I’ve said or done in the past and feel ashamed all over again?

“A pain in the a***”: Security expert reveals why woman posing as Prince Andrew’s fiancée got past security

Readers Respond: What is something from the past that you wish would be brought back?

Unlikely hack makes ironing a thing of the past

Past policies have created barriers to voting in remote First Nations communities

Peter van Onselen reveals past abuse in debate with Grace Tame

The gruesome past of the Amityville Horror house

Fresh insight into troubled past of Cleo's alleged abductor

Blast from the past! Queen shares never-before-seen pictures

The last surviving village is a portal to the past

Rare chance to buy ritzy house with murderous past

Prince Charles haunted by past as The Crown blasts affair

“Acknowledge the past”: Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan call on the Commonwealth

Why memories come flooding back when you visit places from your past

Why is it so tough for some to exorcise the ghosts of their romantic pasts?

Asking people with memory loss about past holidays can help them recall happy times

Five punishments past and present for jurors who fall foul of the law

News

Shop

Catalogues

Travel

Health

Lifestyle

Finance

Entertainment

Property

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Keep up to date

Search

"I was terrified": Law & Order star reveals traumatic past

Is the Barbie movie a bold step to reinvent and fix past wrongs or a clever ploy to tap a new market?

When your house has a (disturbing) history, what should buyers be told about its ‘past’?

Why do I remember embarrassing things I’ve said or done in the past and feel ashamed all over again?

“A pain in the a***”: Security expert reveals why woman posing as Prince Andrew’s fiancée got past security

Readers Respond: What is something from the past that you wish would be brought back?

Unlikely hack makes ironing a thing of the past

Past policies have created barriers to voting in remote First Nations communities

Peter van Onselen reveals past abuse in debate with Grace Tame

The gruesome past of the Amityville Horror house

Fresh insight into troubled past of Cleo's alleged abductor

Blast from the past! Queen shares never-before-seen pictures

The last surviving village is a portal to the past

Rare chance to buy ritzy house with murderous past

Prince Charles haunted by past as The Crown blasts affair

“Acknowledge the past”: Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan call on the Commonwealth

Why memories come flooding back when you visit places from your past

Why is it so tough for some to exorcise the ghosts of their romantic pasts?

Asking people with memory loss about past holidays can help them recall happy times

Five punishments past and present for jurors who fall foul of the law

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