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Woman baffled by mother-in-law’s insane ask over baby name

A woman has gone head-to-head with her mother-in-law over the name she has chosen for her unborn child. The pregnant woman took to Reddit to share her unusual predicament, explaining how her mother-in-law has demanded she change the name of her baby. The soon-to-be mum shared how she recently had dinner with her husband’s family, where she decided to reveal the baby’s gender and name. She had been keeping the information secret, but with only a few weeks of her pregnancy left, she decided to share the happy news that she was having a baby boy and had chosen the name Shawn for her son. But not everyone shared her happiness over the moniker, as her mother-in-law went pale with shock and demanded she choose a new name. “My in-laws got quiet for a moment before asking if there were other options we'd considered. Apparently, Shawn is the name of my 17-year-old sister-in-law Ashley's former bully who tormented her [for years],” the pregnant woman explained on Reddit. While she empathised with her in-laws, she didn’t want to change the name as it was the only one her and her husband agreed on for their son. She also explained that she hadn’t known about the family connection when they picked the name, and hadn’t picked it out of any malicious intent. “We took forever to pick a name,” she said. “Shawn is the only one we could agree on.” The dinner party soon ended after the argument began, but the mother-in-law didn’t back down, sending the expecting mum demanding messages. “She texted me and my husband again to ask us to find a new name for Ashley's sake.” “Would I be the a**hole for not wanting to change it? We were only able to agree on it a few weeks ago.” Commenters were torn over the subject, with many rushing to the pregnant woman’s defence, saying she can pick whatever name she wants for her son. “My spouse and sibling have the same name. Somehow, you just compartmentalise it,” one shared. “I feel like if a new baby in my family shared a name with my bully I'd just adapt,” another wrote. “After all, Shawn is a VERY common name, so I can't freak out every time I hear it and survive in this world.” However, a select few sided with the mother-in-law, sharing how stunned they were that the couple couldn't find enough compassion to pick another name. One person said, “I understand the difficulty of finding a name that feels right, but for me, after learning this, Shawn would quickly become another name that didn't work. It's only been decided on it for a few weeks so I'd just go back to the drawing board.” Image credits: Shutterstock

Family & Pets

“My sister-in-law announced she was pregnant at my child’s funeral”

A woman has asked for advice on how to navigate her relationship with her sister-in-law, after the woman overheard an inappropriate conversation at her child’s funeral. The grieving mother, a 28-year-old named Melissa, took to Reddit to share the heartbreaking story of how her toddler passed away after a battle with cancer. Melissa described the time as the “hardest in my life”, explaining how she felt she lost “a part of herself” after the funeral. While Melissa expected her toddlers’ memorial service to be difficult, she never predicted a family member would make it even harder. The mother said that when she heard her sister-in-law telling people about her pregnancy, she thought the move was just cruel. “She didn't make a big announcement but more than ten people at the service 'heard' and it's what everyone was talking about. To understate it, I was livid,” Melissa wrote on Reddit. Melissa’s post then asked social media users for advice, as she was unsure how much of a relationship she wanted to have with her sister-in-law after the stunt. The 28-year-old shared that she had fallen pregnant herself, and was facing pressure to have a party in celebration, but she didn’t want her whole family in attendance. “I've been working on who I want to invite, and I really don't want my SIL there,” she said. “Besides what she did, she's a vindictive and mean person and I cannot stand her.” “I mentioned it to my husband and he says he couldn't care less whether she's there or not. But for the sake of saving face, I want opinions before I do this.” She asked the online forum if she would be “an a**hole” for not inviting her, addin that she would still be inviting her husband's other sister and husband's brother's wife. “The original SIL will be the only one not invited,” she clarified. The post was flooded with comments as many backed up Melissa, slamming the sister-in-law for her selfish behaviour. “I wouldn't want someone like that around me. Announcing a pregnancy at a child's funeral is insane,” one said. “Cut her off and ignore everyone close to her. You are right to have nothing to do with her. She's totally classless.” However, others encouraged her to have an adult conversation with her sister-in-law in an attempt to mend their relationship. “Please let it go,” one person began. “This happened on a terrible day during a bad time for you. It's possible that could be clouding how you're looking at this, she may not have been malicious at all.” Image credits: Shutterstock

Family & Pets

The sky’s the limit: A brief history of in-flight entertainment

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/olusola-adewumi-john-1490381">Olusola Adewumi John</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-regina-3498">University of Regina</a> As the winter holidays draw near, many of us are already booking flights to see friends and family or vacation in warmer climates. Nowadays, air travel is synonymous with some form of in-flight entertainment, encompassing everything from the reception offered by the aircrew to the food choices and digital content. These services all add value to flying for customers. Passengers are now so familiar with in-flight entertainment that to travel without it is unthinkable. <a href="https://www.globenewswire.com/news-release/2023/10/19/2762903/0/en/In-Flight-Entertainment-Connectivity-Market-to-Worth-21-03-Bn-by-2030-Exhibiting-With-a-15-9-CAGR.html">The in-flight entertainment and connectivity market grew to US$5.9 billion as of 2019</a>, a testament to its economic impact on both the airlines and the GDP of countries with airline carriers. In-flight entertainment is so ubiquitous that, even if all other airline services were offered, <a href="https://travel.stackexchange.com/questions/19427/will-airlines-compensate-me-if-my-entertainment-system-is-not-working">the airline ensures a refund is made to the passenger affected</a> if television content cannot be accessed. <h2>A brief history</h2> In-flight entertainment has evolved significantly over the years. Before in-flight entertainment media was introduced, passengers entertained themselves by reading books or with food and drink services. The original aim of bringing in-flight entertainment into cabins was to attract more customers, drawing inspiration from a variety of sources, including the theatrical and domestic media environments. It was not initially for the comfort and ease of travelling, as it is today. <a href="https://www.academia.edu/5023683/A_History_of_INFLIGHT_ENTERTAINMENT">Inflight entertainment began as an experiment</a> in 1921, when 11 Aeromarine Airways passengers were shown the film Howdy Chicago! on a screen hung in the cabin during the flight. Four years later, another experiment was carried out in 1925 when 12 passengers on board an Imperial Airlines flight from London were shown the film The Lost World. <a href="https://www.smithsonianmag.com/air-space-magazine/when-did-inflight-movies-become-standard-on-airlines-180955566/">It wasn’t until the 1960s</a> that in-flight movies became mainstream for airlines. Trans World Airlines became the first carrier to regularly offer feature films during flights, using a unique film system developed by <a href="https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/1962/06/02/inflight">David Flexer, then-president of Inflight Motion Pictures</a>. Starting in 1964, in-flight entertainment evolved to include various media types like 16-mm film, closed-circuit television, live television broadcasts and magnetic tape. In the 1970s, for example, airplanes might feature a large screen with a 16-mm projector in one part of the plane, while small screens hung overhead in another section. <a href="https://www.smh.com.au/traveller/reviews-and-advice/when-did-airlines-install-seatback-entertainment-20190711-h1g51b.html">Seatback screens were introduced in 1988</a> when Airvision installed 6.9-centimetre screens on the backs of airline seats for Northwest Airlines. They have since morphed into the larger screens we are familiar with today, which are found on nearly every airline. <h2>In-flight entertainment today</h2> Most airlines nowadays have personal televisions for every passenger on long-haul flights. On-demand streaming and internet access are also now the norm. Despite initial concerns about speed and cost, in-flight services are becoming faster and more affordable. In-flight entertainment now includes movies, music, radio talk shows, TV talk shows, documentaries, magazines, stand-up comedy, culinary shows, sports shows and kids’ shows. However, the rise of personal devices, like tablets and smartphones, <a href="https://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/comment/the-weird-and-wonderful-history-of-in-flight-entertainment/">could spell the end for seatback screens</a>. A number of U.S. airlines, including American Airlines, United Airlines and Alaska Air, have <a href="https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2019-10-09/airline-seatback-screens-may-soon-become-an-endangered-species">removed seatback screens from their domestic planes</a>. This decline is par for the course. To arrive at the complex system used by aircraft today, in-flight entertainment went through a number of different stages, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/978-981-19-0641-1_10">as identified by aviation scholar D.A. Reed</a>. It started with an idea phase, which saw the conception of the idea, followed by an arms race phase where most airlines adopted some form of it. Currently, airlines are facing challenges in the final — and current — phase of evolution, and are dealing with failures linked to business concept flaws or low revenue. Now that most air travellers carry electronic devices, fewer airlines are installing seatback screens. From an economic standpoint, this makes sense for airlines: removing seatback screens <a href="https://mobile.nytimes.com/2018/01/01/business/airlines-travel-entertainment.html">improves fuel costs</a> and allows airlines to <a href="https://www.flightglobal.com/systems-and-interiors/united-ups-757-density-with-new-slimline-seats/126574.article">install slimmer seats</a>, allowing for more passengers. <h2>More than entertainment</h2> At some point in the evolution of in-flight entertainment, it started to serve as more than just a form of entertainment or comfort. Now, it’s also a competitive tool for airline advertisements, and a form of cultural production. In-flight entertainment has become an economic platform for investors, business people, manufacturers and entertainment providers, especially Hollywood. It also plays a key role in promoting the national culture of destination countries. However, the evolution of in-flight entertainment hasn’t been without its challenges. As a form of cultural production, it often reflects the interests of advertisers, governments and business entities. It also follows that <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/978-981-19-0641-1_10">certain ideas, products and cultures are sold to passengers</a> via in-flight entertainment. The lucrative practice of capturing and selling passengers’ attention to advertisers was not limited to screens, either. In-flight magazines have always been packed with advertisements, and by the late 1980s, these advertisements had spread to napkins and the audio channels. Despite its shortcomings and precarious future, in-flight entertainment still offers passengers a sense of comfort, alleviating concerns about being suspended over 30,000 feet above sea level. If you end up flying during the holidays, remember your comfort is partly thanks to this innovation.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/218996/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/olusola-adewumi-john-1490381">Olusola Adewumi John</a>, Visiting Researcher, Centre for Socially Engaged Theatre, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-regina-3498">University of Regina</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-skys-the-limit-a-brief-history-of-in-flight-entertainment-218996">original article</a>.

Travel Tips

Not all mental health apps are helpful. Experts explain the risks, and how to choose one wisely

<a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jeannie-marie-paterson-6367">Jeannie Marie Paterson</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/nicholas-t-van-dam-389879">Nicholas T. Van Dam</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/piers-gooding-207492">Piers Gooding</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a> There are thousands of mental health apps available on the app market, offering services including meditation, mood tracking and counselling, among others. You would think such “health” and “wellbeing” apps – which often present as solutions for conditions such as <a href="https://www.headspace.com/">anxiety</a> and <a href="https://www.calm.com">sleeplessness</a> – would have been rigorously tested and verified. But this isn’t necessarily the case. In fact, many may be taking your money and data in return for a service that does nothing for your mental health – at least, not in a way that’s backed by scientific evidence. <h2>Bringing AI to mental health apps</h2> Although some mental health apps connect users with a <a href="https://www.betterhelp.com/get-started/?go=true&utm_source=AdWords&utm_medium=Search_PPC_c&utm_term=betterhelp+australia_e&utm_content=133525856790&network=g&placement=&target=&matchtype=e&utm_campaign=15228709182&ad_type=text&adposition=&kwd_id=kwd-401317619253&gclid=Cj0KCQjwoeemBhCfARIsADR2QCtfZHNw8mqpBe7cLfLtZBD-JZ5xvAmDCfol8npbAAH3ALJGYvpngtoaAtFlEALw_wcB¬_found=1&gor=start">registered therapist</a>, most provide a fully automated service that bypasses the human element. This means they’re not subject to the same standards of care and confidentiality as a registered mental health professional. Some aren’t even designed by mental health professionals. These apps also increasingly claim to be incorporating artificial intelligence into their design to make personalised recommendations (such as for meditation or mindfulness) to users. However, they give little detail about this process. It’s possible the recommendations are based on a user’s previous activities, similar to Netflix’s <a href="https://help.netflix.com/en/node/100639">recommendation algorithm</a>. Some apps such as <a href="https://legal.wysa.io/privacy-policy#aiChatbot">Wysa</a>, <a href="https://www.youper.ai/">Youper</a> and <a href="https://woebothealth.com/">Woebot</a> use AI-driven chatbots to deliver support, or even established therapeutic interventions such as cognitive behavioural therapy. But these apps usually don’t reveal what kinds of algorithms they use. It’s likely most of these AI chatbots use <a href="https://www.techtarget.com/searchenterpriseai/feature/How-to-choose-between-a-rules-based-vs-machine-learning-system">rules-based systems</a> that respond to users in accordance with predetermined rules (rather than learning on the go as adaptive models do). These rules would ideally prevent the unexpected (and often <a href="https://www.vice.com/en/article/pkadgm/man-dies-by-suicide-after-talking-with-ai-chatbot-widow-says">harmful and inappropriate</a>) outputs AI chatbots have become known for – but there’s no guarantee. The use of AI in this context comes with risks of biased, discriminatory or completely inapplicable information being provided to users. And these risks haven’t been adequately investigated. <h2>Misleading marketing and a lack of supporting evidence</h2> Mental health apps might be able to provide certain benefits to users if they are well designed and properly vetted and deployed. But even then they can’t be considered a substitute for professional therapy targeted towards conditions such as anxiety or depression. The <a href="https://theconversation.com/pixels-are-not-people-mental-health-apps-are-increasingly-popular-but-human-connection-is-still-key-192247">clinical value</a> of automated mental health and mindfulness apps is <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1077722918300233?casa_token=lwm1E6FhcG0AAAAA:saV7szbZl4DqbvmZiomLG9yMWi_4-zbmy3QCtQzVEQr957QX1E7Aiqkm5BcEntR0mVFgfDVo">still being assessed</a>. Evidence of their efficacy is generally <a href="https://journals.plos.org/digitalhealth/article?id=10.1371/journal.pdig.0000002">lacking</a>. Some apps make ambitious claims regarding their effectiveness and refer to studies that supposedly support their benefits. In many cases these claims are based on less-than-robust findings. For instance, they may be based on: <ul> <li><a href="https://sensa.health/">user testimonials</a></li> <li>short-term studies with narrow <a href="https://www.wired.co.uk/article/mental-health-chatbots">or homogeneous cohorts</a></li> <li><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9533203/">studies involving</a> researchers or funding from the very group <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/apr/13/chatbots-robot-therapists-youth-mental-health-crisis">promoting the app</a></li> <li>or evidence of the benefits of a <a href="https://www.headspace.com/meditation/anxiety">practice delivered face to face</a> (rather than via an app).</li> </ul> Moreover, any claims about reducing symptoms of poor mental health aren’t carried through in contract terms. The fine print will typically state the app does not claim to provide any physical, therapeutic or medical benefit (along with a host of other disclaimers). In other words, it isn’t obliged to successfully provide the service it promotes. For some users, mental health apps may even cause harm, and lead to increases in the very <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34074221/">symptoms</a> people so often use them to address. The may happen, in part, as a result of creating more awareness of problems, without providing the tools needed to address them. In the case of most mental health apps, research on their effectiveness won’t have considered <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9505389/">individual differences</a> such as socioeconomic status, age and other factors that can influence engagement. Most apps also will not indicate whether they’re an inclusive space for marginalised people, such as those from culturally and linguistically diverse, LGBTQ+ or neurodiverse communities. <h2>Inadequate privacy protections</h2> Mental health apps are subject to standard consumer protection and privacy laws. While data protection and <a href="https://cybersecuritycrc.org.au/sites/default/files/2021-07/2915_cscrc_casestudies_mentalhealthapps_1.pdf">cybersecurity</a> practices vary between apps, an investigation by research foundation Mozilla <a href="https://foundation.mozilla.org/en/privacynotincluded/articles/are-mental-health-apps-better-or-worse-at-privacy-in-2023">concluded that</a> most rank poorly. For example, the mindfulness app <a href="https://www.headspace.com/privacy-policy">Headspace</a> collects data about users from a <a href="https://foundation.mozilla.org/en/privacynotincluded/headspace/">range of sources</a>, and uses those data to advertise to users. Chatbot-based apps also commonly repurpose conversations to predict <a href="https://legal.wysa.io/privacy-policy">users’ moods</a>, and use anonymised user data to train the language models <a href="https://www.youper.ai/policy/privacy-policy">underpinning the bots</a>. Many apps share so-called <a href="https://theconversation.com/popular-fertility-apps-are-engaging-in-widespread-misuse-of-data-including-on-sex-periods-and-pregnancy-202127">anonymised</a> data with <a href="https://www.wysa.com/">third parties</a>, such as <a href="https://www.headspace.com/privacy-policy">employers</a>, that sponsor their use. Re-identification of <a href="https://www.unimelb.edu.au/newsroom/news/2017/december/research-reveals-de-identified-patient-data-can-be-re-identified">these data</a> can be relatively easy in some cases. Australia’s Therapeutic Goods Administration (TGA) doesn’t require most mental health and wellbeing apps to go through the same testing and monitoring as other medical products. In most cases, they are lightly regulated as <a href="https://www.tga.gov.au/how-we-regulate/manufacturing/medical-devices/manufacturer-guidance-specific-types-medical-devices/regulation-software-based-medical-devices">health and lifestyle</a> products or tools for <a href="https://www.tga.gov.au/sites/default/files/digital-mental-health-software-based-medical-devices.pdf">managing mental health</a> that are excluded from TGA regulations (provided they meet certain criteria). <h2>How can you choose an app?</h2> Although consumers can access third-party rankings for various mental health apps, these often focus on just a few elements, such as <a href="https://onemindpsyberguide.org/apps/">usability</a> or <a href="https://foundation.mozilla.org/en/privacynotincluded/categories/mental-health-apps/">privacy</a>. Different guides may also be inconsistent with each other. Nonetheless, there are some steps you can take to figure out whether a particular mental health or mindfulness app might be useful for you. <ol> <li> consult your doctor, as they may have a better understanding of the efficacy of particular apps and/or how they might benefit you as an individual </li> <li> check whether a mental health professional or trusted institution was involved in developing the app </li> <li> check if the app has been rated by a third party, and compare different ratings </li> <li> make use of free trials, but be careful of them shifting to paid subscriptions, and be wary about trials that require payment information upfront </li> <li> stop using the app if you experience any adverse effects. </li> </ol> Overall, and most importantly, remember that an app is never a substitute for real help from a human professional.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/211513/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/jeannie-marie-paterson-6367">Jeannie Marie Paterson</a>, Professor of Law, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a>; <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/nicholas-t-van-dam-389879">Nicholas T. Van Dam</a>, Associate Professor, School of Psychological Sciences, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a>, and <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/piers-gooding-207492">Piers Gooding</a>, Postdoctoral Research Fellow, Disability Research Initiative, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/the-university-of-melbourne-722">The University of Melbourne</a> Image credits: Shutterstock This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/not-all-mental-health-apps-are-helpful-experts-explain-the-risks-and-how-to-choose-one-wisely-211513">original article</a>.

Mind

5 memorable locations from ‘80s films to check out

Everyone loves a good movie, and everyone loves a holiday, so what do you get when you combine the two? The time of your life! It’s widely known that the ‘80s spawned a whole host of films that went on to become cult classics - from the likes of Heathers to Footloose, Dirty Dancing, and The Terminator - and forged the way for cultural changes that ring true decades later. But did you also know that for many of these iconic films, real-life locations served as the inspiration for many memorable scenes? And while some may have changed slightly in the years since cast and crew flocked to them, some are like stepping into a time capsule - or a stage for you to re-enact the films as you see fit. Lake Lure, North Carolina - Dirty Dancing (1987) Anyone who’s seen Dirty Dancing can tell you that ‘the lift scene’ is one of the film’s most iconic moments. And it - along with a few others from the film - were filmed in North Carolina’s very own Lake Lure. And with the spot boasting its very own Lake Lure Inn & Spa - where, coincidentally, the movie’s stars stayed while working on the project - it could be the perfect getaway location for your next holiday. Guesthouse International Hotel, California - National Lampoon Vacation (1983) For those embarking on their very own National Lampoon Vacation, you’re in luck - the hexagonal pool is near exactly the same as it was when Chevy Chase’s Clark Griswold enjoyed a nighttime swim with Christie Brinkley’s The Girl in the Ferrari. New York Public Library, New York - Ghostbusters (1984) The 1984 film sparked an entire host of sequels, games, parodies, and conventions for avid fans across the globe - as well as one incredibly catchy song. However, for those that would like to go above and beyond just calling their friendly neighbourhood ghostbusters, the New York Public Library’s flagship Stephen A Schwarzman building is the spot where the team had their very first encounter with the film’s ghosts. Griffith Observatory, California - The Terminator (1984) Fans of The Terminator should immediately recognise this site as the one where Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Terminator arrived in the nude, and basked in the glory of LA at night. It’s a popular location, and while a must-see for fans of the film, it also makes for a good afternoon out - the observatory itself boasts free entry, stunning views, and a range of fascinating exhibits inside to entertain the keen mind. The Grand Hotel, Michigan - Somewhere in Time (1980) The Grand Hotel was the primary location for romantic drama Somewhere in Time, and they’re proud of it. In fact, a poster for the film is reportedly even still on display there, and hosts weekends of celebration for the 1980 hit, too. The island the hotel is set on doesn’t allow cars, so anyone hoping to throw themselves back in time and fully immerse themselves in a ‘different world’, this National Historic Landmark may be just the place to do it. Images: Getty, Booking.net

Movies

Advice on dealing with tricky in-laws

From heated discussions to awkward family dinners, your relationship with your in-laws can have a big impact on family time. Here’s how to navigate this sometimes tricky dynamic. There’s nothing worse than heading to a family engagement when you have a son-in-law (or your daughter’s parents-in-law) that you just don’t get along with. Whether there's been a fight that you haven’t been able to move on from, or you simply don’t get along, if you find your in-laws draining or annoying, you may need to change the boundaries. Do you know the old saying, “good fences make good neighbours”? Think of your in-laws like your neighbours – there needs to be really good fences (aka boundaries) in place for the relationship to run smoothly. The best way to go about this is in such a way that you don’t make anyone feel as though you're closing them out, but rather comes off that you are simply focussing on yourself and things you have going on. Once you’ve set boundaries, don’t be afraid to talk to your family and in-laws about them, they’re not as fragile as you think. But do choose your words carefully and keep the focus on you and what your needs are, rather than making any judgements or comments about them or their behaviour. Still not sure how to deal with your son, daughter, sister or brother in-law? Here are some top tips for setting boundaries and dealing with awkward situations: <ol> <li>The person with the primary relationship (for example your daughter, not your son-in-law) should be the one to step in and help fix a problem if it arises. You should never be the messenger or go straight to an in-law. Gently raise the issue or concern with your immediate family member. </li> <li>Decide with your partner, or in your own time if you are single or widowed, what type of role you want your in-law/s to play in your life. If you don’t get along and spending time with them just seems to cause issues, then you might want to limit catch-ups to birthdays and big events. This is ok. Just be gentle if asked to explain. And keep your explanation brief and about you. Something along the lines of, my schedule is quite busy at the moment or I don’t feel up to going out too much, but I am looking forward to the next family get together. </li> <li>Never criticise your family for their relationship with his or her spouse/your in-laws, nor comment on your in-law to your immediate family member – for example don’t criticise your son-in-law to your daughter/his wife. This tends to only lead to complications and awkwardness. And remember, you only know what your daughter tells you and if they come to you everytime they’re upset or angry with their partner or their partner’s extended family, you’re only hearing the problems when your daughter is frustrated and upset. You might not hear all the good things and about when they make up. Don’t take these things on board and stay out of it by reserving any judgement or comments. </li> <li>Don’t get involved. Easier said than done, right? You have to trust that you have brought your children up right and they are responsible enough to navigate their own relationships, treat others respectfully and can stand up for themselves if need be. As such, you should not get involved in their issues, arguments and general day-to-day dealings with their other relationships. Stay on the peripheral, be there for some light guidance if need be, but ultimately you should just help them come to their own opinions, decisions and judgements on things rather than sharing your ones with them. </li> <li>Don’t get pulled into arguments by your child and in-law. You can be supportive and still let the couple handle their own problems. Take a step back and trust that you have raised an adult who has the vision and the courage to resolve the problems that concern his/her own family. Couples need to set boundaries for their own relationships and this can, as I am sure you know, take some time to find the right ones. </li> <li>Think of yourself as a guest. When spending time with family in big groups, and especially when you’re at someone else’s home, it is best to think of yourself as a guest and act accordingly. For example you may not like the way you son’s wife is doing things in her home (child rearing, cooking, cleaning etc), but unfortunately it is not really any of your business. This is between your son and his wife. A good checkpoint is to ask yourself if you have a sense of entitlement and expectancy that is inappropriate. If there are issues that you just can’t stand but can’t let go, then you may need to consider not visiting them.</li> </ol> Image credits: Getty Images

Family & Pets

Dad left “furious” after mother-in-law rubs whiskey on baby’s gums

A dad has been left “furious” after learning his mother-in-law had rubbed whiskey on his six-month-old daughter’s gums as an “old fashioned” remedy for teething. Some have pointed out that the father’s response is a “red flag”, and perhaps the most concerning part of the story. Posting on Reddit’s “Am I the A**hole” forum, the baby’s 28-year-old first-time mother described the ordeal and asked whether she was in the wrong. She said she was at her mother’s house with her daughter, who is “teething horribly”. “My mum does some old fashion things and she’s really into herbs and natural healing and such, so she wanted to try rubbing whiskey on my daughter’s gums,” she wrote. “She said she did it to me and all three of my siblings. I let her, and it did seem to calm my daughter down a bit.” She told her husband when she got home and said “he was furious”. “He said that’s harmful to our daughter and it does not relieve any pain,” she continued. “He got really upset and said I shouldn’t let my mum do something like that, and told me I couldn’t bring our daughter to my mother’s anymore. “He’s since called the next two days off of work, and is super paranoid watching me every second with our daughter. I feel this is unfair.” While experts emphasise parents should never give whiskey or any other alcohol to teething babies, Reddit users had differing opinions. One wrote, “You’re the a**hole, yeah.” “I mean, you know alcohol is unsafe. It also happens not to work as a topical analgesic – if the baby quietens down, it’s because of the general sedative effect of alcohol. I think it’s hilarious how your mother conflates the use of a well understood but completely inappropriate drug with ‘herbs and natural healing’.” The second most popular reply said the woman was not in the wrong. “A tiny drop of alcohol on someone’s finger is absolutely not sedating a baby and is in no way harmful,” the user wrote. “Alcohol absolutely does have a numbing effect and is used topically for infants and adults with toothache as well. It’s absurd to get up in arms over something so mundane and he’s treating her like she allowed the baby to drink shots or something. I swear this sub is off the rails lately. Is it just solely populated by teenagers now?” A third chimed in, saying she made a “bad judgement call” but it was natural to take her own mother's advice. “It’s natural to look to our elders for guidance and to trust them,” they wrote. “While many mothers (including my own) have used this method, we know a lot more about these older ‘tried and true’ remedies these days … You’re not some monster that’s going to harm your child.” Others expressed that the husband’s reaction was worse than the old-fashioned teething remedy. “Honestly, if this is how your husband is reacting, that’s a red flag,” they said. “He’s right, it doesn’t relieve pain, and if you were to start doing it regularly, yeah, it can be harmful. However, it was a one-time thing that you told him about, and now you know not to do it again. “He shouldn’t be acting like it was a conspiracy to intentionally hurt your daughter.” Another user had the same opinion, writing, “Her husband literally took two days off work to micromanage parenting because of this? That’s excessive. It’s called having a conversation between two adults, saying, ‘We shouldn’t do this again’, and moving on!” A third said, "Your husband’s response is actually the most concerning part of this post … taking off work multiple days to ‘watch over’ your wife over something like this. “This should have been an easy discussion about how that’s not the right way to handle teething and then move on. “This isn’t real a big deal, the damage done to the child was literally zero. If this is how something like this is handled how are things that matter going to handled?” Image credit: Shutterstock

Family & Pets

Woman matches with brother on dating app

A woman who took the plunge and dived back into the world of dating apps, despite a series of negative experiences, has been left in shock after an unexpected match. Dani, who was using the dating app Hinge - “the app that’s designed to be deleted” - took to TikTok to share her story, telling followers she re-downloaded the app and told herself "let's get back into this.” "And I could vomit at who my most compatible was," she said before revealing a bizarre match. "So this is my brother," she explained, panning the camera back to show her brother Jordan’s profile on Hinge. "Super cute right? Yeah. It runs in the family.” Dani explained that Hinge matched her with her brother due to their “compatibility”. "I don't know if he is the one for me. I mean I guess we are compatible in the sense we share the same parents and shelter growing up and like blood and DNA and all those fun things. "Hinge was really saying to me, 'Girl, I know more for you. We're done with you. Here's your brother. Why don't you try this one out.” At the end of her video, she recommended her brother as a match to any unrelated singles. "While I go pick up my vomit that's on the floor from this, my brother's single, if any ladies out there are interested, just let me know.” The video amused fellow TikTokers, gaining a lot of traction with over 373,000 views. "Most compatible for a blood transfusion maybe," one wrote. "LMAO even Hinge was like girl there's nothing out there, have you tried your family," said another. Image credit: TikTok

Family & Pets

Oscars slammed for In Memoriam snubs

The Oscars have been slammed for leaving out several big names from the In Memoriam segment, which honours the lives and careers of those who have died in the past year. Among those left out of the annual industry tribute was Six Days, Seven Nights star Anne Heche, beloved comedy actor Leslie Jordan, and Sopranos star Tony Sirico. Notably missing from the list was South African actress Charlbi Dean, 32, who died just weeks before the release of her film Triangle Of Sadness – one of the 10 nominated in the Best Picture category this year. Also left off the list was Goodfellas star Paul Sorvino, as his Oscar-winning daughter, Mira Sorvino, was just one of many who were left baffled by the snub. “It is baffling beyond belief that my beloved father and many other amazing brilliant departed actors were left out. The Oscars forgot about Paul Sorvino, but the rest of us never will!” she wrote on Twitter, after the Oscars segment aired with no mention of her famous father. While Paul was left out of the tribute, his fellow Goodfellas actors James Caan and Ray Liotta, who also passed away in the last year, were mentioned in the segment. An emotional John Travolta introduced the tear-jerking tribute segment, and became choked-up as he <a href="https://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/caring/john-travolta-s-teary-tribute-to-olivia-newton-john" target="_blank" rel="noopener">referenced </a>his late Grease co-star and friend, Olivia Newton-John, who died from cancer last August. “In this industry, we have the rare luxury of getting to do what we love for a living, and sometimes getting to do it with people that we come to love,” Travolta said Beginning with Newton-John, a montage of recently departed actors, directors, producers and other industry figures then played on the screen while singer Lenny Kravitz performed a stripped-down version of his song Calling All Angels. Image credits: Getty Images

Movies

Grandma sparks rift by secretly feeding baby its first solids

There are a lot of exciting firsts for parents, significant milestones that should be theirs to celebrate, but one defiant Grandmother doesn’t quite follow this philosophy. A mum has taken to Reddit to express her fury over her mother-in-law feeding her 10-week-old baby ice cream, the first solid food the child had ever been given. The mum explained on Reddit that she and her mother-in-law have a less-than-perfect relationship. While they remain civil, her mother-in-law’s criticism has only increased since the birth of her child. “I am so aggravated and upset,” she began her post titled “My mother-in-law fed my 10-week-old ice cream. When she was pregnant, her mother-in-law even went as far as to say she was “just the incubator”. Even her husband’s maternal grandmother had told her to be nicer. She also had some unusual bonding activities planned for when her granddaughter was born. "She has been itching to give my baby ice cream or frosting from before I even gave birth. I have noooo idea why. Both my husband and I said no multiple times," the mum wrote. "Yesterday she turned her back to me and gave my two-month-old ice cream. I'm assuming it was just the finger tip full of ice cream. I know this was true because later on she told my husband she did it.” Aside from the mother’s outrage, the bub was left with an upset stomach and a nappy rash. Although her baby wasn’t endangered, she remained understandably upset. "I can't forgive my mother-in-law. She knew it was wrong or she wouldn't have hid. We have repeatedly said no. She's still too young, we were worried about allergies, and we want to be there for fun stuff like that (when she's old enough)," she shared. She asked users if she would be taking it too far if she were to cut contact with her mother-in-law for a while, and they were clearly on the mother’s side. “This got me so heated. This is foul behavior from your mother-in-law." one person commented. “Should never be left alone with your kid. Seriously. She has shown herself to be unfit." another added. "Definitely put your mother-in-law in time out," said a third. "I gasped at this title! Never let her alone with your baby," a fourth wrote. "If it were me, she'd be cut off permanently.” Others questioned how a grandmother could risk making their grandchild sick just to prove a point. "A 10-week-old can't even have water - what the eff was she thinking? This would be my hill I'd happily die on. The rage I've got for you!" said a fellow mum. "That seems like a cruel thing to do to little one's digestive track," said another, while another wrote, "She... made your 10-week-old-baby sick.” The mum added an update thanking those who responded, saying she was overwhelmed. “I knew I would get some responses but I'm truly blown away with the amount. I'm even more blown away that you all believe I am not over-reacting," she wrote. "It makes me feel so validated. “In-law relationships can be so tricky but I truly feel they need a 'time out’." Image credit: Shutterstock

Family & Pets

How a smartphone app may help boost memory recall

A new study from researchers at the University of Toronto has introduced a smartphone app that can reinforce memories of life events. The app, Hippocampus, is designed to benefit people with memory impairment by imitating the function of the Hippocampus as it helps consolidate memories, working by recording life events and replaying them to lock them in as memories. Our ability to remember life events declines with age, particularly with those with diseases like Alzheimer’s. According to the study, some people were able to successfully reinforce their memories through the app. Research found that people who used it for two weeks experienced a 56% increase in their ability to recall the details of events recorded with HippoCamera. People who used it for 70 consecutive days saw an 84% increase. No one wants to forget their life experiences, and according to the study lead author Dr Chris Martin, a cognitive neuroscientist at Florida State University, “You can better recall a specific moment from your recent past, you will have a stronger mental bridge between your present and past self.” So, start brain training and download Hippocampus to improve memory and recall. Image credit: Getty

Mind

Air travel spreads infections globally, but health advice from inflight magazines can limit that

“Travel safe, travel far, travel wide, and travel often,” <a href="https://thoughtcatalog.com/matthew-kepnes/2014/01/53-travel-quotes-to-inspire-you-to-see-the-world/">says</a> <a href="https://www.nomadicmatt.com/">Nomadic Matt</a>, the American who quit his job to travel the world, write about it and coach others to do the same. But there’s a downside to all this travel, with its unprecedented volume of passengers moving from one side of the world to the other, largely by plane. There’s the risk of those passengers spreading infectious diseases and microorganisms resistant to multiple drugs (superbugs) around the world. Yet, our recently published <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1477893919301218">research</a> into health advice provided by inflight magazines shows plane passengers are given practically no advice on how to limit the spread of infectious diseases. Should we be worried about the part air travel plays in spreading infectious diseases? And what can we do about it? How big is the risk? Low airfares and a series of social and economic factors have made global air travel more common than ever. According to the Australian government department of infrastructure, transport, cities and regional development the <a href="https://www.bitre.gov.au/publications/ongoing/files/International_airline_activity_CY2018.pdf">number of passengers taking international scheduled flights in 2018 was 41.575 million</a>. But the International Air Transport Association projects passenger demand will <a href="https://www.iata.org/pressroom/pr/Pages/2019-02-27-02.aspx">reach 8.2 billion by 2037</a>. There are many examples of infectious diseases spread via international flying. The World Health Organization documented <a href="https://www.who.int/ith/mode_of_travel/tcd_aircraft/en/">transmission of tuberculosis</a> (TB) on board commercial aircraft during long-haul flights during the 1980s. Research published in 2011 documents the <a href="https://wwwnc.cdc.gov/eid/article/17/7/10-1135_article">transmission of influenza</a> on two transcontinental international flights in May 2009. More recently, the current <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-people-born-between-1966-and-1994-are-at-greater-risk-of-measles-and-what-to-do-about-it-110167">global outbreak of measles</a> in many countries, including the Philippines and the United States, gave rise to the risk of transmission during international travel. In a recent case a <a href="https://www.health.nsw.gov.au/Infectious/alerts/Pages/measles-alert-january.aspx">baby</a> too young to be vaccinated who had <a href="https://www.smh.com.au/national/nsw/measles-alert-after-infectious-baby-flew-from-manila-went-to-central-coast-20190603-p51tzs.html">measles</a> returned from Manilla in the Philippines to Sydney, exposing travellers on that flight to infection. Then there is the risk of transmitting antimicrobial-resistant organisms that cause disease, such as <a href="https://theconversation.com/explainer-what-is-tb-and-am-i-at-risk-of-getting-it-in-australia-75290">multi-drug resistant TB</a>. Recently, patients in Victoria and New South Wales were identified as carrying the drug-resistant fungus <a href="https://www2.health.vic.gov.au/about/news-and-events/healthalerts/candida-auris-case-detected-in-victoria">Candida auris</a>, which they acquired overseas. <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27890665">One study</a> estimates that over 300 million travellers visit high-risk areas, such as the western Pacific, Southeast Asia and Eastern Mediterranean, each year worldwide, and more than 20% return as new carriers of resistant organisms. These popular destinations, as well as the Middle East, have high rates of drug resistant organisms. How is this happening? Aircraft move large volumes of people around the world swiftly. But what sets them apart from buses and trains is that passengers are close together, in confined spaces, for a long time. This increases the risk of transmitting infections. Passengers interact with high-touch surfaces, such as tray tables, headsets, seats and handles. We cough, sneeze and touch multiple surfaces multiple times during a flight, with limited opportunities to clean our hands with soap and water. Many infections, such as gastroenteritis and diarrhoea, are spread and contracted by touch and contact. What can we do about it? Providing plane travellers with relevant health advice is one way to limit the spread of infectious diseases via air travel. This would include information and advice on routine hand washing with soap and water, or using alcohol-based hand rubs, and other basic measures including cough etiquette, such as coughing into your elbow and covering your nose and face. <a href="https://academic.oup.com/jtm/article/4/2/102/1847252">Researchers</a> have looked at the role commercial websites and travel agencies might play in providing that advice. And since the 1990s, airline magazines have been <a href="https://academic.oup.com/jtm/article/4/2/102/1847252">highlighted</a> as an underused source of traveller health advice. More than 20 years on, we discovered little has changed. In our recent study, published in the journal <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1477893919301218">Travel Medicine and Infectious Disease</a>, we looked at the content of inflight magazines from 103 airlines issued during January 2019. Of the 47 available online, only a quarter (11) included an official section on passengers’ general health and well-being, of which only two contained information related to infection control and the preventing infectious diseases. <figure class="align-center zoomable"><a href="https://images.theconversation.com/files/284424/original/file-20190717-173366-w48bmn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=1000&fit=clip"><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/284424/original/file-20190717-173366-w48bmn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&fit=clip" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/284424/original/file-20190717-173366-w48bmn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=450&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/284424/original/file-20190717-173366-w48bmn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=450&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/284424/original/file-20190717-173366-w48bmn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=450&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/284424/original/file-20190717-173366-w48bmn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=566&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/284424/original/file-20190717-173366-w48bmn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=566&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/284424/original/file-20190717-173366-w48bmn.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=566&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" alt="" /></a><figcaption>Inflight magazines have a potential audience of billions. So why not include advice on hand hygiene and coughing etiquette? <a class="source" href="https://www.shutterstock.com/download/confirm/1424594042?src=vUDfEziJwFDV7GZr5OYMRA-1-2&studio=1&size=medium_jpg">from www.shutterstock.com</a></figcaption></figure> The first magazine, from a UAE-based airline, had an official section on passenger health and well-being that included very limited relevant content. It advised passengers “with blood diseases or ear, nose and sinus infections should seek medical advice before flying”. There was no further explanation or information, nor were there any strategies to prevent these or other infections. The second magazine, from a USA-based airline, contained general travel health advice, but none specifically about infectious diseases. However there was a full-page, colour advertisement next to the health section. This contained images of many disease causing microorganisms on passengers’ tray tables and advocated the use of a disinfectant wipe for hands and other inflight surfaces. The slogan “because germs are frequent fliers” was displayed across the tray table. This was accompanied by information about the use and effectiveness of disinfectant wipes for hand hygiene and disinfecting surfaces during air travel, public transport use, and in hotels and restaurants. Inflight magazines are valuable assets for airlines and are the source of considerable advertising revenue. They are read by potentially billions of passengers every year. The results of this study show that they are a greatly underused source of information about infection control and measures to prevent the spread of infectious diseases. Airlines should also provide health advice to passengers in other media, in particular video screens, about infection prevention and basic control measures such as hand hygiene, cough etiquette and personal hygiene. Such advice should be provided before, during and after the flight. It could also include destination-related advice for particularly risky travel routes and destinations. More information for passengers Airlines providing health advice to passengers is just one way to limit the spread of infectious diseases and antimicrobial-resistant organisms around the world via air travel. This would need to sit alongside other measures, such as <a href="https://wwwnc.cdc.gov/travel/page/travel-industry-information-center">information and guidelines</a> provided to those who travel via the sea. The simple, low-cost measures highlighted in our research could go a long way to help passengers stay healthy and avoid illness from infectious diseases. At the same time, these measures could reduce the impact of outbreaks of infectious diseases for airlines and society as a whole.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/120283/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> Writen by Ramon Zenel Shaban and Cristina Sotomayor-Castillo. Republished with permission from <a href="https://theconversation.com/air-travel-spreads-infections-globally-but-health-advice-from-inflight-magazines-can-limit-that-120283" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>. Image: Getty Images

International Travel

Jonnie Irwin shares an emotional health update

Jonnie Irwin, star of ‘A place in the Sun’ has given fans an emotional update on his health via social media. In a statement released on Monday Irwin, 48, said he wanted to do “as much as we can as a family” before the time comes, with him revealing that doctors have only given him six months to live upon diagnosis with terminal cancer. Despite sharing the news for the first time on Monday 14 November, Irwin was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2020 and learned that his cancer had spread to his brain. “I don’t know how long I have left,” he told Hello magazine. “I try to stay positive and my attitude is that I’m living with cancer, not dying from it.” Irwin developed a huge fanbase as the host of TV show A Place In The Sun, where he helped couples move from homes in Britain to somewhere close to “sun, sea and sand abroad”. He has received an outpouring of supportive messages since revealing his diagnosis prompted him to provide an update on Instagram, where he has an audience of over 78,000 followers. Jonnie and wife Jessica have three sons - three-year-old Rex and two-year-old twins Rada and Cormac. The beloved presenter has told Hello Magazine that he had shifted his mentality from assuming he would not be well enough for certain milestones to instead setting “little markers” of moments he wanted to be around for. Jonnie was in Italy filming A Place in the Sun when he experienced blurry vision while driving, he noticed something was off. “Within a week of flying back from filming, I was being given six months to live,” he said. Despite the initial prognosis, treatment including chemotherapy has helped prolong Irwin’s life. After two years of living with cancer, he said he wanted to share his story beyond the “very small group of friends and family” who knew. Image: Instagram

Caring

How to block app invites on Facebook

Got that one annoying Facebook friend who keeps inviting you to play Candy Crush? And no matter how many times you tell them you want nothing to do with their quest for candy, the invites keeps coming in? Here’s what you can do to put a stop to it (and keep the friendship intact): Blocking an app or game When you block an app or game, it won't be able to access any of your Facebook information or send you any requests. If you no longer want an app or game to contact you, please remove it. <ol> <li>Click the downward arrow icon on the top right of your Facebook page. Select Settings.</li> <li>Click Blocking, located in the left column.</li> <li>In the Block apps section, type the name of the app or game you want to block.</li> </ol> If you ever want to unblock the app or game, click “Unblock” next to the app name. Blocking a specific friend’s invitations If you have a Facebook friend that invites you to so many different games and apps that you’ve often wondered if they spend their entire life on Facebook, you have the option to block all invites from a particular Facebook friend. This automatically ignores all future invites from all games and apps sent by the person. <ol> <li>Click the downward arrow icon on the top right of your Facebook page. Select Settings.</li> <li>Click Blocking, located in the left column.</li> <li>In the Block app invites section, type the name of the friend you want to block invites from.</li> </ol> Image: Shutterstock

Technology

Disturbing twist in children's suitcase homicide

The two suitcases that contained the bodies of siblings in Auckland were reportedly moved from one unit storage to another before the harrowing discovery. Two children’s bodies were discovered in suitcases by an Auckland family who purchased the bags at an auction on August 11. It has now been revealed that the suitcases were moved in the second half of 2021 between different storage units at the same SafeStore Papatoetoe facility, <a href="https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/suitcases-containing-childrens-remains-were-moved-between-storage-units-a-year-before-harrowing-discovery/RWQQNLAU6HINPF6A5L6F2EOMIQ/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">NZ Herald</a> reported. A worker told the publication that there were dead flies and rats around the bags but no smell to indicate anything more damning. A SafeStore spokesperson refused to comment due to the ongoing police investigation in which a woman from South Korea, believed to be the children’s mother was arrested. The 42-year-old <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/lifestyle/family-pets/woman-arrested-in-relation-to-dead-children-found-in-suitcases" target="_blank" rel="noopener">woman was arrested</a> by local police following a request from NZ Police. "South Korean authorities arrested the woman today on a Korean arrest warrant pursuant to two charges of murder relating to the two young victims," Detective Inspector Tofilau Faamanuia Vaaelua said at the time of the arrest. "The arrest warrant was issued by the Korean Courts as a result of a request by NZ Police for an arrest warrant under the extradition treaty between New Zealand and the Republic of Korea (South Korea). “NZ Police have applied to have her extradited back to New Zealand to face the charges and have requested she remain in custody whilst awaiting the completion of the extradition process.” At the time, Detective Inspector Vaaelua suggested that the children were aged 10 and five respectively when they died four years ago. The family who purchased the property where the suitcases were found are not involved in the deaths and have asked for privacy. Images: NZ Herald

Legal

The exclusive dating app for celebrities and influencers

In 2020, Sharon Stone <a href="https://www.nme.com/news/film/sharon-stones-bumble-dating-profile-has-finally-been-restored-2607744" target="_blank" rel="noopener">tweeted</a> that her Bumble dating profile had been closed due to users reporting the account as fake. In less than 24 hours, Bumble had restored her account and apologised for the misunderstanding. You might be forgiven for thinking the Basic Instinct star couldn’t possibly be looking for love on a mainstream dating app like Bumble. It’s not every day that you swipe left to discover the next profile to be a Hollywood celebrity. However it would appear celebrities, are just like the rest of us. Looking for love or intimacy in a world where the face-to-face meetings are no longer commonplace. Unlike Sharon Stone, instead of using Bumble, the majority use their own special dating app called <a href="https://www.rayatheapp.com/">Raya</a>. A membership to this invite-only dating app is as exclusive as you would expect, with only a small number of elite applicants accepted on the app ⁠– which means your chances of charming and dating someone rich and famous on Tinder (insert shocked emoji) just got even slimmer. <h2>What is Raya?</h2> Launched in 2015, Raya, prides itself on being “an exclusive dating and networking platform for people in creative industries.” Cara Delevingne, Ruby Rose, Alexander Wang, Patrick Schwarzenegger, Teri Hatcher, Elijah Wood, and Zach Braff are among the elite crew <a href="https://thelatch.com.au/what-is-raya-secret-dating-app-for-celebrities/#:%7E:text=A%20year%20on%20from%20Raya's,were%20among%20the%20elite%20crew." target="_blank" rel="noopener">rumoured</a> to be on the dating app. Demi Lovato has been a longtime user of online relationship sites. She revealed in her documentary, Simply Complicated, that she chose Raya after her split from Wilmer Valderrama in 2016. Most recently Lily Allen and David Harbour credited their meeting to Raya. Before you think about sneaking onto the platform sometimes known as the “Tinder Illuminati” of the dating-app-world, there’s a complex application process – which includes being referred by three people, and then being vetted by an unknown panel of judges. Rumour has it, Raya has over<a href="https://www.newyorker.com/culture/infinite-scroll/raya-and-the-promise-of-private-social-media" target="_blank" rel="noopener"> ten times</a> more people waiting to get on the app – than those currently on it. The New York Times reports only about <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/27/style/raya-dating-app.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">8% of applications are accepted</a>, meaning Raya has a higher rejection rate than the illustrious Harvard Business School. You’ll also need to pay for it it, with a conservative fee of AU $9.99 a month, and further in app purchases (for example, extra swipes - once you’ve swiped on a certain number of profiles, Raya temporarily stops showing you new profiles unless you choose to pay a small fee of $4.99) required. Promotional material indicates: “Raya’s primary goal is for like-minded people to have an easy, accessible, and comfortable platform on which to connect.” The applications are “reviewed by an anonymous global committee” to “maintain that ideal.” <h2>How to find love on Raya</h2> My research examines how and if dating apps have changed intimacy, sex and romantic relationships. How does love change as a result of a digital sieve? However, it’s difficult to locate Raya users to provide their testimonies on their exclusive experiences. Most B grade users, that is, non-celebrities and non-influencers, report that the app is overwhelming, and doesn’t deliver matches. In simple terms if you’re not an A grade celebrity, you simply don’t have the celebrity pull to get the matches. Insiders indicate that the app is awash with professional photos, where the majority of users look like models. On ordinary apps, such profiles are usually rejected as potentially fake profiles or as bots. The profiles are shown in slideshow format, with users picking a song to play their slideshow to. All profiles include the person’s Instagram handle, so if you did really like the look of someone and wanted to make sure you did connect with them, you could add them on Instagram. In addition, screenshots, are not allowed within these hallowed halls. From 40 people interviewed in Australia, only 2 had used Raya. Those interviewed described the app as a “waste of time”, indicating that while there was a plethora of recognisable talent on the app, the majority fell into the influencer category - and their strike/ or match rate was low if not non-existent. <h2>Celebrities and creatives</h2> The app does raise a pertinent question around what we consider to be the creative industries in today’s society - and whether this terminology expands out to influencers or for example, OnlyFans content creators, and how we tier celebrities, and creatives. Dating apps also tend to open a pandora’s box of judgemental behaviours. My research would indicate that the majority of users make split-second decisions mostly based on appearance, but also tend to continue this hypercritical behaviour as they discontinue direct message exchanges, and ultimately people. Mainstream dating apps are highly white domains, <a href="https://www.npr.org/2018/01/09/575352051/least-desirable-how-racial-discrimination-plays-out-in-online-dating" target="_blank" rel="noopener">with sexual racism proliferating</a>, occurring in overt (for example, the common “No Asians” <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2022-03-06/sexual-racism-on-dating-apps-in-australia/100872332" target="_blank" rel="noopener">bio descriptions</a>), to more covert behaviours such swiping left against ethnically diverse people. They encourage a <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/02/modern-dating-odds-economy-apps-tinder-math/606982/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">highly visual economy</a>, where individuals are often reduced to a hot or not factor. Most of the participants in my focus groups and interviews felt like they had become more judgemental as a result of their dating app use – quickly rejecting punters who were not arbitrarily attractive. Apps like Raya, while claiming to pool together like-minded people instead tend to extend and reinforce the idea that modern-day-love, categorised by the dating app, is only eligible for a certain hallowed few arbitrarily good-looking people, with solid Instagram, or Only Fans followings. Simultaneously, they warp the idea of the creative industries and creative people. Raya opens up the promise of a private dating space in an online environment. However, in doing so it creates a digital culture where intimacy is limited to an elite group of people, no longer open to the masses. As platforms like Tinder <a href="https://www.choice.com.au/consumer-advocacy/policy-submissions/2020/august/complaint-to-the-accc-about-tinder-misuse-of-data-and-discriminatory-pricing" target="_blank" rel="noopener">undergo scrutiny </a>around pricing structures and safety, the future could entail a plethora of Rayas – defined by the attributes (and payment) of their community members. Importantly, keeping the undesirables at bay. But in doing so are we further creating a world of intimacy haves and have-nots? While a select few might be enjoying the sanctity of private and exclusive dating - the rest of us have been locked outside, left to navigate the wild-west of the digital dating world. This article originally appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-exclusive-dating-app-for-celebrities-and-influencers-why-raya-has-been-called-the-illuminati-of-the-tinder-world-186828" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a>. Image: Raya

Relationships

Woman arrested in relation to dead children found in suitcases

A South Korean woman has been arrested a few weeks after <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/finance/legal/tragic-update-after-horrific-suitcase-discovery" target="_blank" rel="noopener">children’s bodies were found in suitcases</a> in New Zealand. The 42-year-old woman was arrested by local police following a request from NZ Police after the harrowing discovery. Two children’s bodies were discovered in suitcases by an Auckland family who purchased the bags at an auction on August 11. An investigation launched into the shocking find with NZ Police saying the children may have been dead for years and finding a connection - <a href="https://oversixty.com.au/news/news/major-new-detail-in-suitcase-homicide-case" target="_blank" rel="noopener">possibly the children’s mother</a> - in South Korea. "South Korean authorities arrested the woman today on a Korean arrest warrant pursuant to two charges of murder relating to the two young victims," Detective Inspector Tofilau Faamanuia Vaaelua said. "The arrest warrant was issued by the Korean Courts as a result of a request by NZ Police for an arrest warrant under the extradition treaty between New Zealand and the Republic of Korea (South Korea). “NZ Police have applied to have her extradited back to New Zealand to face the charges and have requested she remain in custody whilst awaiting the completion of the extradition process.” A statement issued also thanked South Korean authorities for their assistance and coordination with NZ Police. No further information will be revealed as the case is now in front of the courts. News of the children’s bodies in the suitcases made headlines around the world with police scrambling to piece together evidence of what happened. At the time, Detective Inspector Vaaelua suggested that the children were aged 10 and five respectively when they died four years ago. He also said the family who purchased the property where the suitcases were found are not involved in the deaths and have asked for privacy. Image: Newshub

Family & Pets

“Is this a joke?”: Male finalist in Women in Technology award sparks debate

A list of finalists for an award recognising women in technology and science has sparked controversy due to the inclusion of a male executive. Simon Button, the Group Chief Technology Officer at radiology specialist group Qscan, was announced as one of four finalists for the new 2022 Inspiring Diversity in STEM Award because he “inspires diversity” and empowers women, according to the organisation. The annual awards are run by Women In Technology (WiT), Queensland’s peak industry body for women in technology and life sciences, and aim to “recognise outstanding achievement and give women the recognition they deserve”. WiT Chair Iyari Cevallos said this year’s awards were themed to be a tribute to the contribution of women in defining, shaping and growing the digital economy. “As we celebrate and reflect on 25 years of Women in Technology it is as important to focus on the future,” Ms Cevallos said. “I believe we have the ability and responsibility to dream big, to visualise achievements for the women still to come, to continue to increase our energy and momentum in leading and motivating current and future generations of women. “We've created an opportunity to rally around our outstanding talent, unlock their potential, promote each other and ourselves - impacting our community in a way that creates positivity beyond the event itself.” Mr Button made the finalist list along with Professor Amy Mullens, a psychologist with an interest in marginalised communities, pharmaceutical researcher Dr Jyoti Sharma, and Professor Kym Rae, a physically disabled Research Fellow in Indigenous health. The new award has been introduced to celebrate the “ongoing commitment and tireless efforts of all leaders regardless of gender, age or background”, but some have taken to social media to share their disapproval of the move. “Lol is this a joke,” one woman commented. “That’s a long way to say you reward men for doing the bare minimum,” another said. “Having a male executive is certainly showing someone who ‘leads by example’. It’s just the most common example that already exists in STEM,” a third added. “He sure must’ve been the best pick to be a finalist for someone who ‘inspires diversity’ and creates a ‘sense of belonging’ for WiT out of all the nominees. “I mean, how else would you explain an executive up there with two professors and a doctor?” In a <a href="https://www.facebook.com/WiTqld/posts/pfbid02ajHaMedtDTKmRkWpiKHhqB4sTvEyEYb7w54zckFGcMPmNtmEBGETrthcadKxwKMwl" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Facebook post</a> announcing the finalists, WiT described Mr Button as a “digital leader” who “champions diversity and equity in the organisations he leads”, which includes the not-for-profit Hummingbird House, Queensland’s only children’s hospice that supports kids with life-limiting illnesses. “He thrives to create teams with high levels of diversity to drive increased creativity and higher orders of innovation,” the post read. “Nothing gives Simon greater satisfaction than leading teams by giving people the time and space to develop, learn and deliver outstanding outcomes under his stewardship. “He believes that one of the most important responsibilities modern, contemporary digital leaders have is to lead, mentor and shape tomorrow’s technology and business leaders.” Image: WiT: Women In Technology (Facebook)

Technology

Instagram and Facebook are stalking you on websites accessed through their apps. What can you do about it?

Social media platforms have had some bad <a href="https://theconversation.com/concerns-over-tiktok-feeding-user-data-to-beijing-are-back-and-theres-good-evidence-to-support-them-186211" target="_blank" rel="noopener">press</a> in recent times, largely prompted by the vast extent of their data collection. Now Meta, the parent company of Facebook and Instagram, has upped the ante. Not content with following every move you make on its apps, Meta has reportedly devised a way to also know everything you do in external websites accessed through its apps. Why is it going to such lengths? And is there a way to avoid this surveillance? ‘Injecting’ code to follow you Meta has a custom in-app browser that operates on Facebook, Instagram and any website you might click through to from both these apps. Now ex-Google engineer and privacy researcher Felix Krause has discovered this proprietary browser has additional program code inserted into it. Krause developed a tool that <a href="https://krausefx.com/blog/ios-privacy-instagram-and-facebook-can-track-anything-you-do-on-any-website-in-their-in-app-browser?utm_source=tldrnewsletter" target="_blank" rel="noopener">found</a> Instagram and Facebook added up to 18 lines of code to websites visited through Meta’s in-app browsers. This “code injection” enables user tracking and overrides tracking restrictions that browsers such as Chrome and Safari have in place. It allows Meta to collect sensitive user information, including “every button and link tapped, text selections, screenshots, as well as any form inputs, like passwords, addresses and credit card numbers”. Krause published his <a href="https://krausefx.com/blog/ios-privacy-instagram-and-facebook-can-track-anything-you-do-on-any-website-in-their-in-app-browser?utm_source=tldrnewsletter" target="_blank" rel="noopener">findings</a> online on August 10, including samples of the <a href="https://connect.facebook.net/en_US/pcm.js" target="_blank" rel="noopener">actual code</a>. In response, Meta has said it isn’t doing anything users didn’t consent to. A Meta spokesperson said: <blockquote> We intentionally developed this code to honour people’s [Ask to track] choices on our platforms […] The code allows us to aggregate user data before using it for targeted advertising or measurement purposes. </blockquote> The “code” mentioned in the case is <a href="https://connect.facebook.net/en_US/pcm.js" target="_blank" rel="noopener">pcm.js</a> – a script that acts to aggregate a user’s browsing activities. Meta says the script is inserted based on whether users have given consent – and information gained is used only for advertising purposes. So is it acting ethically? Well, the company has done due diligence by informing users of its intention to collect <a href="https://www.facebook.com/privacy/policy" target="_blank" rel="noopener">an expanded range</a> of data. However, it stopped short of making clear what the full implications of doing so would be. People might give their consent to tracking in a more general sense, but “informed” consent implies full knowledge of the possible consequences. And, in this case, users were not explicitly made aware their activities on other sites could be followed through a code injection. <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> Facebook reached out to me, saying the system they’ve built honours the user’s ATT choice. However, this doesn’t change anything about my publication: The Instagram iOS app is actively injecting JavaScript code into all third party websites rendered via their in-app browser. <a href="https://t.co/9h0PIoIOSS">pic.twitter.com/9h0PIoIOSS</a> — Felix Krause (@KrauseFx) <a href="https://twitter.com/KrauseFx/status/1557777320546635776?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 11, 2022</a></blockquote> Why is Meta doing this? Data are the central commodity of Meta’s business model. There is astronomical value in the amount of data Meta can collect by injecting a tracking code into third-party websites opened through the Instagram and Facebook apps. At the same time, Meta’s business model is being threatened – and events from the recent past can help shed light on why it’s doing this in the first place. It boils down to the fact that Apple (which owns the Safari browser), Google (which owns Chrome) and the Firefox browser are all actively placing restrictions on Meta’s ability to collect data. Last year, Apple’s iOS 14.5 update came alongside a <a href="https://www.apple.com/au/privacy/control/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">requirement</a> that all apps hosted on the Apple app store must get users’ explicit permission to track and collect their data across apps owned by other companies. Meta has <a href="https://krausefx.com/blog/ios-privacy-instagram-and-facebook-can-track-anything-you-do-on-any-website-in-their-in-app-browser?utm_source=tldrnewsletter" target="_blank" rel="noopener">publicly</a> said this single iPhone alert is costing its Facebook business US$10 billion each year. Apple’s Safari browser also applies a default setting to block all third-party “cookies”. These are little chunks of <a href="https://www.trendmicro.com/vinfo/us/security/definition/cookies" target="_blank" rel="noopener">tracking code</a> that websites deposit on your computer and which tell the website’s owner about your visit to the site. Google will also soon be phasing out third-party cookies. And Firefox recently announced “total cookie protection” to prevent so-called cross-page tracking. In other words, Meta is being flanked by browsers introducing restrictions on extensive user data tracking. Its response was to create its own browser that circumvents these restrictions. How can I protect myself? On the bright side, users concerned about privacy do have some options. The easiest way to stop Meta tracking your external activities through its in-app browser is to simply not use it; make sure you’re opening web pages in a trusted browser of choice such as Safari, Chrome or Firefox (via the screen shown below). <img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/478879/original/file-20220812-20-6je7m8.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=237&fit=clip" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/478879/original/file-20220812-20-6je7m8.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=600&h=548&fit=crop&dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/478879/original/file-20220812-20-6je7m8.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=600&h=548&fit=crop&dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/478879/original/file-20220812-20-6je7m8.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=600&h=548&fit=crop&dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/478879/original/file-20220812-20-6je7m8.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=45&auto=format&w=754&h=689&fit=crop&dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/478879/original/file-20220812-20-6je7m8.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=30&auto=format&w=754&h=689&fit=crop&dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/478879/original/file-20220812-20-6je7m8.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&q=15&auto=format&w=754&h=689&fit=crop&dpr=3 2262w" alt="" /> Click ‘open in browser’ to open a website in a trusted browser such as Safari. screenshot <figure class="align-right "><figcaption></figcaption></figure> If you can’t find this screen option, you can manually copy and paste the web address into a trusted browser. Another option is to access the social media platforms via a browser. So instead of using the Instagram or Facebook app, visit the sites by entering their URL into your trusted browser’s search bar. This should also solve the tracking problem. I’m not suggesting you ditch Facebook or Instagram altogether. But we should all be aware of how our online movements and usage patterns may be carefully recorded and used in ways we’re not told about. Remember: on the internet, if the service is free, you’re probably the product. <img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/188645/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /> <a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/david-tuffley-13731" target="_blank" rel="noopener">David Tuffley</a>, Senior Lecturer in Applied Ethics & CyberSecurity, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/griffith-university-828" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Griffith University</a> This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/instagram-and-facebook-are-stalking-you-on-websites-accessed-through-their-apps-what-can-you-do-about-it-188645" target="_blank" rel="noopener">original article</a>. Image: Getty Images

Technology

“Ugliest city in the world” found

A city in Belgium full of abandoned factories and industrial plants has been labelled the “ugliest city in the world”. At one point in the 1800s, Charleroi in south Belgium was known as the “Black Country”, thanks to the booming coal industry. Then in 1950, oil was used more than coal and the industries slowly moved to the country’s north before Charleroi became abandoned. The abandoned city soon became notorious for its crime, deprivation and general decline to the point that it was voted as the ugliest city in the world by citizens in 2009. However, artist Nicolas Buissart has slowly changed that, with tours of his hometown claiming that the label of being the ugliest city in the world was the “perfect marketing opportunity”. Along with his friend, the pair created a website “Charleroi Adventure” and had people sign up to be given a tour. “At first, the authorities blamed me for spreading the image of Charleroi as a depressing place,” Buissart told The Sun. “I explain the history of Charleroi, and then we move to the factories. I have keys to some of the abandoned buildings, so I show people around. “If the weather is good, we can climb a slag heap – which is the waste material produced from mining. Then there are bars that we can visit. “For bigger groups, we can have a barbecue by the riverside.” Buissart also regularly shares photos of the ugly city from his tours, which have since gained traction from locals. Check out some of his snaps below. Images: Instagram

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