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Junk fees and drip pricing: the underhanded tactics we hate yet still fall for

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/ralf-steinhauser-1459112">Ralf Steinhauser</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/australian-national-university-877">Australian National University</a></em></p> <p>You see a fantastic offer, like a hotel room. You decide to book. Then it turns out there is a service fee. Then a cleaning fee. Then a few other extra costs. By the time you pay the final price, it is no longer the fantastic offer you thought.</p> <p>Welcome to the world of drip pricing – the practice of advertising something at an attractive headline price and then, once you’ve committed to the purchase process, hitting you with unavoidable extra fees that are incrementally disclosed, or “dripped”.</p> <p>Drip pricing – a type of “junk fee” – is notorious in event and travel ticketing, and is creeping into other areas, such as movie tickets. My daughter, for example, was surprised to find her ticket to the Barbie movie had a “booking fee”, increasing the cost of her ticket by 13%.</p> <p>It seems like such an annoying trick that you may wonder why sellers do it. The reason is because it works, due to two fundamental cognitive biases: the way we value the present over the future; and the way we hate losses more than we love gains.</p> <h2>Present bias preference: why starting over feels too costly</h2> <p>In the case of booking that hotel room, you could abandon the transaction and look for something cheaper once the extra charges become apparent. But there’s a good chance you won’t, due to the effort and time involved.</p> <p>This is where the trap lies.</p> <p>Resistance to the idea of starting the search all over again is not simply a matter of laziness or indecision. There’s a profound psychological mechanism at play here, called a present-bias preference – that we value things immediately in front of us more than things more distant in the future.</p> <p>In their seminal 1999 paper, <a href="https://doi.org/10.1257/aer.89.1.103">Doing it now or later</a>, economists Mathew Rabin and Ted O'Donoghue define present-biased preference as “the human tendency to grab immediate rewards and to avoid immediate costs”.</p> <p>They give the example of choosing between doing seven hours of unpleasant activity on April 1 or eight hours two weeks later. If asked about this a few months beforehand, most people will choose the earlier option. “But come April 1, given the same choice, most of us are apt to put off work till April 15.”</p> <p>In simple terms, the inconvenience and effort of doing something “right now” often feels disproportionately large.</p> <p>Drip pricing exploits this cognitive bias by getting you to make a decision and commit to the transaction process. When you’re far into a complicated booking process and extra prices get added, starting all over again feels like a burden.</p> <p>Often enough, this means you’ll settle for the higher-priced hotel room.</p> <h2>Loss aversion: buying more expensive tickets</h2> <p>Beyond the challenge of starting over, there’s another subtle force at work when it comes to our spending decisions. Drip pricing doesn’t just capitalise on our desire for immediate rewards; it also plays on our innate fear of losing out.</p> <p>This second psychological phenomenon that drip pricing exploits is known as loss aversion – that we feel more pain from losing something than pleasure from gaining the same thing.</p> <p>The concept of loss aversion was first outlined by economists Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky in <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/1914185">a 1979 paper</a> that is the third most-cited article in economics.</p> <hr /> <figure class="align-center "><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/543635/original/file-20230821-25-mca6ku.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=45&amp;auto=format&amp;w=754&amp;fit=clip" sizes="(min-width: 1466px) 754px, (max-width: 599px) 100vw, (min-width: 600px) 600px, 237px" srcset="https://images.theconversation.com/files/543635/original/file-20230821-25-mca6ku.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=45&amp;auto=format&amp;w=600&amp;h=497&amp;fit=crop&amp;dpr=1 600w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/543635/original/file-20230821-25-mca6ku.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=30&amp;auto=format&amp;w=600&amp;h=497&amp;fit=crop&amp;dpr=2 1200w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/543635/original/file-20230821-25-mca6ku.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=15&amp;auto=format&amp;w=600&amp;h=497&amp;fit=crop&amp;dpr=3 1800w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/543635/original/file-20230821-25-mca6ku.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=45&amp;auto=format&amp;w=754&amp;h=624&amp;fit=crop&amp;dpr=1 754w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/543635/original/file-20230821-25-mca6ku.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=30&amp;auto=format&amp;w=754&amp;h=624&amp;fit=crop&amp;dpr=2 1508w, https://images.theconversation.com/files/543635/original/file-20230821-25-mca6ku.png?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=15&amp;auto=format&amp;w=754&amp;h=624&amp;fit=crop&amp;dpr=3 2262w" alt="A graphic representation of loss aversion. The pain from losing a good or service will be greater than the pleasure from gaining the same good or service." /><figcaption><span class="caption">How economists Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky graphically represented loss aversion. The pain from losing a good or service is greater than the pleasure from gaining the same good or service.</span> <span class="attribution"><span class="source">Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky, Prospect Theory: An Analysis of Decision under Risk, Econometrica, Vol. 47, No. 2</span></span></figcaption></figure> <hr /> <p>Drip pricing exploits this tendency, by dragging us away from more “rational” choices.</p> <p>Imagine you’re booking tickets for a show. Initially attracted by the observed headline price, you are now presented with different seating categories. Seeing the “VIP” are within your budget, you decide to splurge.</p> <p>But then, during the checkout process, the drip of extra costs begins. You realise you could have opted for lower-category seats and stayed within your budget. But by this stage you’ve already changed your expectation and imagined yourself enjoying the show from those nice seats.</p> <p>Going back and booking cheaper seats will feel like a loss.</p> <h2>Do consumers need protection?</h2> <p>Empirical evidence supports the above theoretical predictions about the impact of drop pricing on consumers.</p> <p><a href="https://doi.org/10.1002/mar.21426">A 2020 study</a> quantified how much consumers dislike the lack of transparency in drip pricing (based on tracking the reactions of 225 undergraduates using fictional airline and hotel-booking websites). The authors liken the practice to the “taximeter effect” – the discomfort consumers feel watching costs accumulate.</p> <p>But drip pricing’s effectiveness from a seller’s perspective is undeniable. A <a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jebo.2020.04.007">experimental study</a> published in 2020 found drip pricing generates higher profits while lowering the “consumer surplus” (the benefit derived from buying a product or service). A <a href="https://doi.org/10.1287/mksc.2020.1261">2021 analysis</a> of data from StubHub, a US website for reselling tickets, calculated drip pricing increased revenue by 20%.</p> <p>Which is why the tactic remains attractive to businesses despite customers disliking it.</p> <p>Buyers would benefit from a ban of drip pricing. Many countries are taking steps to protect consumers from drip pricing.</p> <p>The UK government, for example, announced a <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/business/2023/aug/21/growth-of-airlines-add-on-fees-sparks-calls-for-price-reforms">review of drip pricing</a> in June, with Prime Minister Rishi Sunak flagging the possibility of measures to curb the practice. The US government is also considering <a href="https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2023/06/15/president-biden-recognizes-actions-by-private-sector-ticketing-and-travel-companies-to-eliminate-hidden-junk-fees-and-provide-millions-of-customers-with-transparent-pricing/">new regulations</a>, with President Joe Biden denouncing “junk fees” in his <a href="https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/speeches-remarks/2023/02/07/remarks-of-president-joe-biden-state-of-the-union-address-as-prepared-for-delivery/">2023 State of the Union address</a>. Proposed changes include requiring airlines and online booking services to disclose the full ticket price upfront, inclusive of baggage and other fees.</p> <p>The effectiveness of measures, however, is <a href="https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=4430453">still being debated</a>.</p> <p>In the meantime, your principal protection is making a more informed decision, by understanding why the tactic works. Bargains may attract you, but you can learn to not fall for hidden costs and align your choices with your budget and values.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/211117/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/ralf-steinhauser-1459112">Ralf Steinhauser</a>, Senior Research Fellow, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/australian-national-university-877">Australian National University</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty </em><em>Images </em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/junk-fees-and-drip-pricing-the-underhanded-tactics-we-hate-yet-still-fall-for-211117">original article</a>.</em></p>

Money & Banking

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11 polite habits house cleaners secretly hate – and what to do instead

<p><strong>The dos and don'ts of cleaning etiquette</strong></p> <p>Housekeepers are like lawyers. They see you at your worst – yes, mostly your home, but you too – and keep their lips sealed. With a cleaning confidante like that, it’s only natural to want to do little things to show your appreciation, like asking about their lives or even helping them clean. But despite your good intentions, these kind gestures can sometimes miss the mark.</p> <p>The house cleaners we spoke with revealed tales of extra (dirty) work they were “trusted with” but didn’t want to do, “helpful” cleaning tips that weren’t actually helpful and little etiquette mistakes that simply sucked time from what you hired them to do: clean your house. To be fair, there aren’t any hard-and-fast etiquette rules on this topic. That’s why we asked cleaning experts to give us the inside scoop on some of the thoughtful things people do that drive them crazy – and what to do instead.</p> <p><strong>Cleaning before they arrive</strong></p> <p>You may truly believe you’re helping by cleaning before your housekeeper arrives, and maybe you are. It depends on what you mean by cleaning. If you’re quickly passing a mop over a grimy kitchen floor or wiping your granite benchtops with a wet sponge and not drying them, cleaning pros say, “Thanks, but no thanks.” With the grime now further embedded into the floor or streaks on the countertops, it could actually take them more time to fix your mistake. And at the very least, they’ll have to duplicate your work anyway.</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>Do this instead</em></span>: focus on the clutter. “Taking things off the counters and clearing the floors can help us work much faster, and that means a better cleaning for the same amount of money,” says housecleaner, Gretchen Boyd. “Clear the clutter for a better clean, but leave the scrubbing to us!”</p> <p><strong>Talking to them while they're cleaning</strong></p> <p>After a while, your housekeeper becomes more like a friend. You ask them about their lives and their families, and they certainly know all about yours. It would be rude not to talk to them while they’re there. Plus, they’re doing all the tasks you don’t want to do, so the least you could do is make things less boring with a little chitchat, right? Nope! In fact, that ‘entertaining’ chitchat can really mess with their cleaning schedule.</p> <p>“Once, a client wanted to discuss a personal issue with me while I was cleaning their home. I was happy to listen, but it extended my cleaning time by about 15 to 20 minutes,” says cleaner Laura Avila.  “I enjoy getting to know my clients, but it’s important to keep in mind that my priority is to provide them with a clean space, and conversations can sometimes hinder that goal.”</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>Do this instead</em></span>: spend a few minutes chatting when your housekeeper arrives, then let them get to work. “What I really appreciate is when clients give me some space to work in silence or maybe put on some music that we can both enjoy without having to chat the whole time,” says Avila. “That way, I can focus on doing a great job and getting everything cleaned up efficiently.”</p> <p><strong>Following them around while they work</strong></p> <p>You’re not hovering; you’re keeping them company. Nope, sorry – you’re hovering. Even if you think you’re being polite by showing an interest in their work or keeping them company, this polite gesture rarely comes across as you’re hoping. Instead, house cleaners say that having someone watching them while they scrub and scour the shower gives the impression that the client doubts if their cleaner even knows how to clean the bathroom at all. And having someone watching your every move can be distracting and unnerving.</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>Do this instead</em></span>: “I prefer when clients let me work on my own,” says Avila. If you have specific requests or concerns, talk them over when your housekeeper first arrives. Checking on progress or asking questions is fine, but minimise those types of interactions. That way, they can focus on doing the amazing job that you want them to do.</p> <p><strong>Offering agency workers extra pay for extra work </strong></p> <p>Who wouldn’t like to make some extra cash easily? Customers who go through an agency may think they are helping their house cleaner by offering extra payment for work that isn’t in the contract. What they don’t realise is that this may actually be against company policy, and their house cleaner could get in trouble. Beyond that, because professional cleaners allocate a set amount of time for each job, doing that additional chore could cause them to run late to their other clients’ homes, says Rachel Rios, a cleaning professional. All this also puts the cleaner in the awkward position of having to say no and disappoint the client.</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>Do this instead</em></span>: talk to the agency ahead of time if you have a special request. Agree upon any additional charges it may incur, as well as when the cleaning will take place.</p> <p><strong>Giving vague instructions</strong></p> <p>Sometimes, clients feel like giving too many instructions will insult the cleaning pro – after all, this is their job. Or they figure the cleaner knows to include tasks like cleaning ceiling fans and windows in their weekly routine, so they casually say something like: “Clean the living room.” The problem? Without specific instructions on which areas of the house to clean, which surfaces to focus on or what kind of cleaning products to use, a house cleaner is not sure what exactly needs to be done.</p> <p>There may also be confusion about whether “cleaning” entails a thorough wipe-down or a deep-clean. “Each client has different preferences and expectations,” says Hugo Guerrero, a certified house cleaning technician, “so it’s important to communicate clearly.”</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>Do this instead</em></span>: provide a list with specific details about how each task should be completed. “Be specific,” says Guerrero. “That way, there are fewer misunderstandings and more satisfactory cleaning jobs.”</p> <p><strong>Moving items before they arrive</strong></p> <p>You might think you’re helping your house cleaner by moving sculptures, photographs, vases and other home accessories off table tops and shelves. But this ends up creating more work for them, as well as confusion. After all, now they don’t know where these items belong – and where they should put them once they’re clean. They might also knock them over if you put them in a strange spot or accidentally break them while moving them back in place.</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>Do this instead</em></span>: leave everything in its original position, and let the cleaners move the items themselves. “Doing so makes it easier for the cleaner, who is used to cleaning a certain way,” says Ahmad Jamal, a cleaning expert with Cleaners Advisor. “When clients move items around, I may need to move things back to their original place in order to clean properly.” Plus, those decorative items need to be dusted and cleaned as well, and there’s a specific way to do that. If you need anything in particular moved, let your cleaner know in advance.</p> <p><strong>Pre-soaking the shower or tub with bleach</strong></p> <p>Clients who don’t really know how to clean a bathtub the right way may think it’s helpful to pre-soak the shower or bathtub with bleach, but this can actually be incredibly dangerous for your house cleaner. If the area is not rinsed thoroughly, it could result in a chemical reaction with the cleaning supplies the cleaning pro is using in your bathroom. For example, when bleach mixes with ammonia, it produces an odourless, toxic gas that can cause respiratory distress and even death.</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>Do this instead</em></span>: “If you do decide to do any pre-cleaning before your house cleaner arrives, communicate which chemicals you used and where,” says Toby Schulz, CEO of Maid2Match in Australia. “And please remember to make sure the room is well ventilated.”</p> <p><strong>Leaving a key with a neighbour </strong></p> <p>Sometimes scheduling conflicts arise, and you need to arrange for your house cleaner to get a key to your home. Of course, you don’t want to cancel at the last minute and totally upend your cleaning pro’s schedule, and this is a good solution. Well, it is when it goes off without a hitch … which rarely happens. What if the neighbour isn’t home or doesn’t hear the doorbell?</p> <p>“This never seems to quite work as planned,” says cleaner, Olive Cantor. “Plus, the entire cleaning job runs late, and that can impact not only our client’s cleaning but also our entire day.”</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>Do this instead</em></span>: work out a mutually agreeable option, like bringing your key to your house cleaner earlier in the day or hiding it away in an uncommon place like under a driveway paver. If you’re looking for a more permanent solution, you might want to invest in a smart lock that lets you provide an employee with “digital keys” that work just for that day.</p> <p><strong>Providing your own cleaning products and tools</strong></p> <p>It’s a nice gesture to want to provide everything your house cleaner needs so it’s all right there waiting for them and they don’t have to lug it to your house every week. But insisting on the wrong tools and products can actually make the job harder, especially when you leave out all those items to “help.”</p> <p>“This [makes] it hard to find my way around and determine the right way to clean each surface,” says Jenna Shaughnessy, a former professional house cleaner who’s currently a home decor and DIY expert. “While you may have excellent intentions, it might make cleaning harder and take more time.”</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>Do this instead</em></span>: communicate your preferences in advance (like, maybe you only want natural cleaning products or your kid is allergic to a certain scent), and then discuss your house cleaner’s preferences as well. They’re the pros, after all, and they know what’s good! Perhaps they find a certain vacuum to be more effective or love a product that cuts their work time in half.</p> <p>You can also discuss whether they would like you to stock up on these items for them or if they would prefer to bring their own supplies. “That way,” says Avila, “I can be sure that I’m using things I’m familiar with and that I know will work well for the job.”</p> <p><strong>Offering 'helpful advice' while they're working</strong></p> <p>It’s your home, and it has some quirks. To be fair, so do you. And you know your house cleaner wants to do the job to your specifications, so if you happen to be in the same room and notice they could be doing something differently, you might want to offer your two cents, whether it’s about the best way to clean that tricky oven rack or how to scrub the stainless steel sink. But truly, resist the urge.</p> <p>Lauren Doss, owner of a cleaning business, notes that all the stopping, starting and direction-giving makes it difficult to work efficiently. With one client who wanted things done a very specific way and kept interjecting as she worked, Doss says it “added a lot of time to the job, as I had to double-check each step with them.” Not to mention that this behaviour shows a lack of trust, even if you aren’t quite as intrusive as that client was.</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>Do this instead</em></span>: Provide clear instructions to your cleaner before they start working, then let them do their job. “It’s important for clients to trust their housekeeping professionals and allow them to work without interference,” says Doss. “If there’s a problem, offer constructive criticism rather than nitpicking.”</p> <p><strong>Not wanting to burden your house cleaner with other home problems </strong></p> <p>House cleaners don’t need to know tiny details about every maintenance issue in your house. Too much information! However, let’s be clear: they sure appreciate your telling them about problems that affect their job. A burned-out bulb in the fridge is not important … but a clogged toilet definitely is.</p> <p>And that’s not the only potential issue here. “I had one client who failed to tell me that the door on their second oven was loose,” recounts Cantor. “I went to open the oven to clean it, and off came the door! Not only was that scary – and potentially dangerous – but I was then worried that I was the one who broke it.”</p> <p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em>Do this instead</em></span>: let your house cleaner know if something they are going to be cleaning or using is broken. If you won’t be home when your house cleaner arrives, leave sticky notes on problem places. In the case of the broken oven door, Cantor says, “a little heads-up would have saved a lot of stress for everyone!”</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p> <p><em>This article originally appeared on <a href="https://www.readersdigest.co.nz/food-home-garden/11-polite-habits-house-cleaners-secretly-hate-and-what-to-do-instead?pages=1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reader's Digest</a>. </em></p>

Home & Garden

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5 authors who hated the film adaptation of their book

<p>Most movies these days are adapted from something – whether it’s a book, a musical, a news story or even another film. However, commercial and critical success doesn’t necessarily guarantee everyone will be happy. Surprisingly, the authors of these 5 movies didn’t think much of the film adaptations of their books.</p> <p><strong>1. <em>Mary Poppins</em></strong></p> <p>Author of <em>Mary Poppins</em> P. L. Travers initially had no problem with her book being turned into a film, until she discovered that Disney had disregarded almost all of her edits. When it was released in 1964, then-65-year-old Travers voiced her disapproval at the animated scenes and the downplaying of Poppins’ stricter side. She reportedly spent most of the film premiere crying, and vowed never to let Disney near another of her books.</p> <p><strong>2. <em>The Shining</em></strong></p> <p>With such a prolific author like Stephen King, there are bound to be a few hits and misses when it comes to film adaptations. After King put his faith in acclaimed director Stanley Kubrick, whom he greatly admired, he found himself extremely disappointed in the final product, which went on to become a horror classic. “Kubrick just couldn't grasp the sheer inhuman evil of The Overlook Hotel,” the author explained. “So he looked, instead, for evil in the characters and made the film into a domestic tragedy with only vaguely supernatural overtones.”</p> <p><strong>3. <em>Forrest Gump</em></strong></p> <p>The 1995 Best Picture winner was a hit with everyone – except author Winston Groom, that is. Angry at the filmmakers for toning down the language and sexual references as well as omitting certain important plot points, Groom got back at Hollywood in the first few lines of the book’s sequel: “Don't never let nobody make a movie of your life's story,” he writes "Whether they get it right or wrong, it don't matter.” Groom sued the producers after failing to receive his promised 3% cut of the profits, and wasn’t mentioned in any of the six Oscar acceptance speeches by the cast and crew.</p> <p><strong>4. <em>A Clockwork Orange</em></strong></p> <p>It’s one thing to hate the film adaptation of your book, but to end up hating the book itself? It seems strange, but that’s exactly what happened to Anthony Burgess. Years after the release of the book and the film, Burgess claimed he regretted writing the book, which he wrote in three weeks and only because he was desperate for money, so was unhappy when it was turned into a film that “seemed to glorify sex and violence.” He adds, “The film made it easy for readers of the book to misunderstand what it was about, and the misunderstanding will pursue me till I die.”</p> <p><strong>5. <em>Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory</em></strong></p> <p>One of the most beloved films of all time, the adaptation of <em>Charlie and the Chocolate Factory</em> certainly wasn’t beloved by Roald Dahl. He thought the 1971 film was “crummy” and that Gene Wilder’s portrayal of Willy Wonka was “pretentious” and “bouncy”, claiming director Mel Stuart had “no talent or flair”. For this reason, as long as the rights to his work is in the hands of his family, you’ll never see the book’s sequel, <em>Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator</em>, grace the silver screen.</p> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

Books

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4 musical duos who couldn’t stand one another

<p>Working closely with a partner can create tension, especially when you’re working on a creative endeavour. Not all successful partnerships are built on mutual respect and admiration, and to prove it, here are four musical duos who couldn’t stand one another.</p> <p><strong>1. The Everly Brothers</strong></p> <p>Their music may still resonate through the years, but Don and Phil Everly couldn’t stand each other. “We only ever had one argument,” Phil famously said in 1970. “It’s been lasting for 25 years.” At a 1973 California concert, Don arrived drunk and messed up the lyrics to a song, causing an on-stage argument between the brothers. Those close to the Everlys suspect that Don resented Phil for his sweeter, higher voice, while others suggest that the pair’s father was a source of at least some of the tension.</p> <p><strong>2. Paul McCartney and John Lennon</strong></p> <p>According to various reports, McCartney and Lennon would go through periods of ice cold tension, only communicating through lawyers at some stages. But at other times, they were as close as brothers. Lennon <a href="https://www.quora.com/What-was-John-Lennons-relationship-with-Paul-McCartney-like" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">revealed</span></strong></a> that he felt McCartney was subconsciously trying to “destroy my great songs”, saying that Paul would encourage an experimental sound during the recording and producing, while putting in hours of fine tuning on his own tracks. The two were reportedly on good terms before Lennon died, however.</p> <p><strong>3. Sam and Dave</strong></p> <p>This 1960s duo (made up of Sam Moore and Dave Prater) behind some of R&B’s most iconic hits, like “Soul Man” and “Hold On! I’m Comin’” could hardly stand one another. Though they did their best to hide the animosity on stage, their behind-the-scenes relationship was one of animosity, and they split in 1970. A good deal of the tension <a href="http://www.purpleclover.com/entertainment/4628-10-famous-duos-who-couldnt-stand-each-other/item/sam-dave-2/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">reportedly</span></strong></a> stemmed from the fact that Prater shot and wounded his own wife in 1968, while Moore himself suffered from drug addictions. <a href="http://www.purpleclover.com/entertainment/4628-10-famous-duos-who-couldnt-stand-each-other/item/sam-dave-2/)"><br /></a></p> <p><strong>4. Simon and Garfunkel</strong></p> <p>One of music’s most iconic duos, Simon and Garfunkel met at junior school in New York, and began trying to secure a record deal in the early 1960s. Unfortunately, the tensions that simmered between the pair have lasted for decades, eventually breaking up over the release of their seminal album, “Bridge Over Troubled Water” in 1970. The pair staged a reunion tour in 2004, and were due to repeat the act in 2010 until Garfunkel suffered vocal chord damage. Garfunkel reported that Simon “wasn’t particularly” supportive during that time. But time seems to have cooled the quarrel. In a <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3094957/I-created-monster-Art-Garfunkel-45-year-battle-Paul-Simon-remains-one-showbiz-s-bitterest-feuds.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">2014 interview</span></strong></a>, Garfunkel stated that, “I’m used to the fact that we’re just different characters.” </p> <p><em>Images: Getty</em></p>

Music

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Magda Szubanski calls for "fat" people to be protected from online hate speech

<p>Magda Szubanski has called for vilification rules to be put in place for "fat people" online, only to be blasted by her following. </p> <p>The comedian shared the controversial tweet in which she wondered why "fat" people are not "protected" from hate speech online. </p> <p>She wrote, "It's interesting to me that you are banned from attacking just about every identity on Twitter except being fat. Why are we not protected from vilification?"</p> <p>Szubanski was then blasted by several heartless online users, as she received comments such as, "Have another Snickers bar. Sounds like your blood sugar is low," and "Lose some weight then."</p> <p>Despite receiving plenty of support from fans, the controversial tweet saw more personal attacks. </p> <p>"Ever see any obese old people? No, because they all die young. If you are going to do that to yourself, then you will have to accept noticing," another wrote.  </p> <p>"Because you choose to be fat," yet another wrote.</p> <p>Magda was only too happy to call out the backlash, as she accused the online users of dumping their "toxic self-loathing" onto her, as they believe she "wouldn't fight back". </p> <p>"It's pretty clear from the response to my tweet that some people hate fat people because their own hearts are so full of hate that they need to dump all their toxic self-loathing onto someone who they think won't fight back." </p> <p>"Well, not this little fat duck. She got teeth," she wrote. </p> <p>She also went on to say that the online trolls proved her point entirely as many commenters defended her, saying it would go a long way if we were all a little nicer to each other online. </p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Body

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8 things flight attendants hate

<p>Being trapped inside an aircraft cabin really seems to bring out the worst in people. And the cabin crew has to deal with it all day, every day. Here are eight things passengers do that flight attendants hate.</p> <p>1. Just because they serve your meal and bring you a drink, that doesn’t mean that flight attendants are waiters. Above all, they are there for your safety, not for your snacks so don’t treat them as your personal servers. Respect the job they have to do and listen to their instructions.</p> <p>2. Flight attendants are very busy right before take off, from getting all passengers seated to performing final safety checks. So don’t sit down as ask for a drink or another blanket straight away. Wait until you’re safely in the air before making any requests.</p> <p>3. It’s one thing to get up and stretch your legs, but the cabin crew really wants you to stay in your seat as much as possible. Passengers standing in the aisles or congregating around the alley make it very hard for them to do their job – and you’ll probably annoy other passengers to boot.</p> <p>4. A clean plane makes for a more pleasant flight for everyone, so make an effort to throw your rubbish out when the crew come through the cabin with garbage bags. That said, don’t try to thrust rubbish at an attendant while they are doing something else – simple hygiene rules are in place to keep your waste separate. This is especially true for things like dirty tissues, toothpicks or nappies.</p> <p>5. Yes, the entertainment options onboard most planes now are great but that’s no excuse for leaving your headphones on when the crew come to ask you for your meal or drink preference. It only takes a moment to slip them off, make eye contact and answer politely. Good manners go a long way.</p> <p>6. When nature calls, you have to answer – but try to do so considerately. Don’t get up to use the bathroom when the meal or beverage service is in progress or right before you’re about to land. It’s almost impossible to get through the aisle at those times and it means holding everyone up.</p> <p>7. You might be there for almost 24 hours, but the plane is not your home so don’t make yourself too comfortable. That means no cutting your nails (fingers or toes), walking around barefoot (which is just gross for everyone) or attending to any other personal hygiene matters. The other passengers will thank you as well.</p> <p>8. And under no circumstances should you whistle, snap your fingers or tug at their uniform to get the attention of an attendant. How would you like it if someone in your office did that to you? A simple “excuse me” works every time.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Travel Tips

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8 things flight attendants hate

<p>Being trapped inside an aircraft cabin really seems to bring out the worst in people. And the cabin crew has to deal with it all day, every day. Here are eight things passengers do that flight attendants hate.</p> <p>1. Just because they serve your meal and bring you a drink, that doesn’t mean that flight attendants are waiters. Above all, they are there for your safety, not for your snacks so don’t treat them as your personal servers. Respect the job they have to do and listen to their instructions.</p> <p>2. Flight attendants are very busy right before take off, from getting all passengers seated to performing final safety checks. So don’t sit down as ask for a drink or another blanket straight away. Wait until you’re safely in the air before making any requests.</p> <p>3. It’s one thing to get up and stretch your legs, but the cabin crew really wants you to stay in your seat as much as possible. Passengers standing in the aisles or congregating around the alley make it very hard for them to do their job – and you’ll probably annoy other passengers to boot.</p> <p>4. A clean plane makes for a more pleasant flight for everyone, so make an effort to throw your rubbish out when the crew come through the cabin with garbage bags. That said, don’t try to thrust rubbish at an attendant while they are doing something else – simple hygiene rules are in place to keep your waste separate. This is especially true for things like dirty tissues, toothpicks or nappies.</p> <p>5. Yes, the entertainment options onboard most planes now are great but that’s no excuse for leaving your headphones on when the crew come to ask you for your meal or drink preference. It only takes a moment to slip them off, make eye contact and answer politely. Good manners go a long way.</p> <p>6. When nature calls, you have to answer – but try to do so considerately. Don’t get up to use the bathroom when the meal or beverage service is in progress or right before you’re about to land. It’s almost impossible to get through the aisle at those times and it means holding everyone up.</p> <p>7. You might be there for almost 24 hours, but the plane is not your home so don’t make yourself too comfortable. That means no cutting your nails (fingers or toes), walking around barefoot (which is just gross for everyone) or attending to any other personal hygiene matters. The other passengers will thank you as well.</p> <p>8. And under no circumstances should you whistle, snap your fingers or tug at their uniform to get the attention of an attendant. How would you like it if someone in your office did that to you? A simple “excuse me” works every time.</p> <p><em>Image: Getty</em></p>

Domestic Travel

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Why Steve Carell thought his wife hated him when they first met

<p dir="ltr">Hollywood actor Steve Carell thought his now wife Nancy hated him when they first met. </p> <p dir="ltr">The comedians met in the early 90s at The Second City, a comedy club in Chicago where Steve was a teacher. </p> <p dir="ltr">Steve was “immediately attracted” to Nancy and that she ticked all the boxes but didn’t know how to go about asking her out.</p> <p dir="ltr">“She kind of checked all the boxes in my head, but I thought she hated me because she was very quiet around me,” he previously told <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/jun/28/steve-carell-despicable-me-family-values" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Guardian</a>. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I thought she for sure knew that I was full of it, and I later found out that she was just as nervous as I was and trying to act cool.” </p> <p dir="ltr">The pair would spend a lot of time together, during improv and at the bar Nancy was a bartender at which was just across the road from the comedy club.</p> <p dir="ltr">There was constant flirting mixed with nervousness and timid feelings as each of them were unsure of what to do.</p> <p dir="ltr">Eventually, Steve bit the bullet and asked Nancy out almost indirectly to which she indirectly said yes.</p> <p dir="ltr">"The conversation would go something like, 'Hey, you know, if I were ever to ask a woman out, it would be someone like you. Exactly like you,'" he said on Ellen.</p> <p dir="ltr">"And she'd say, 'If a guy like you were ever to ask a woman like me out, I would definitely do that.'"</p> <p dir="ltr">"Other people at the bar must have been like, 'Just do it! Put us all out of our misery.' And finally, we did. It was great."</p> <p dir="ltr">The loved up couple eventually wed in 1995 and Steve felt a sense of calm as she walked down the aisle. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I'll never forget standing at the altar and I saw her coming down the aisle – immediately a sense of calm came over me,” he said. </p> <p dir="ltr">“There was an ethereal sense of how right it all was and more than anything it was very empowering knowing that person was going to be my partner and have my back. It just made me feel strong, and I'll never forget it.”</p> <p dir="ltr">They eventually had two children, Elisabeth, now 21, and John, 18. </p> <p dir="ltr">The pair also appeared together in several projects including <em>The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Angie Tribeca</em> and <em>The Office</em>, in which Nancy played the love interest to Steve's character Michael Scott.</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image: Getty</em></p>

Relationships

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Bridgerton – how period dramas made audiences hate the corset

<p>When you think of a corset, you might imagine period drama dames sucking in as they cling onto a bedpost as a feisty lady’s maid aggressively laces them in. Nextflix’s hot Regency inspired drama Bridgerton features similar such tortuous scenes.</p> <p>In the run up to the show’s second season, Simone Ashley, who plays the new heroine Kate Sharma, complained to Glamour Magazine about the <a href="https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/simone-ashley-bridgerton-interview-2022">horrors of wearing a corset</a>. She claimed that her corset caused her “a lot of pain” and “changed her body”.</p> <p>In the first season, Prudence Featherington (played by Bessie Carter) was tight-laced into a corset. Prudence’s mother urges her daughter on: “I was able to squeeze my waist into the size of an orange-and-a-half when I was Prudence’s age”. Rather unnecessary, when regency gowns fall from an under-bust empire line, which obscures the waist. Unlike their later Victorian counterparts, regency corsets focused on enhancing a lady’s assets, not shrinking her waist.</p> <p>This scene is ubiquitous in period dramas, from Elizabeth Swan fainting in Pirates of the Caribbean, to Rose DeWitt Bukater unable to breath in Titanic, and, of course, Mammy’s iconic line, “Just hold on, and suck in!”, as Scarlet O’Hara clings to a bedpost in Gone with the Wind. It may be on screen shorthand for the restricted lives of historical women, but it stems from a fundamental misunderstanding of historical corsets and women alike.</p> <p>After centuries of women (and some men) wearing corsets to support and shape the body, it was Victorian men who <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNwTqanp0Aw">taught us to hate corsets</a>. Corset-related health issues were a myth, constructed by doctors, to promote their own patriarchal perspectives. So, you might be surprised to hear that period dramas are perpetuating Victorian misogyny.</p> <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/FZ7r2OVu1ss?wmode=transparent&amp;start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></figure> <p><strong>Medicine, misogyny, and the corset</strong></p> <p>The list of medical complaints that 19th-century doctors attributed to the corset seem unending. Constipation, pregnancy complications, breast cancer, postpartum infection and tuberculosis were all blamed on the corset. One Victorian doctor, Benjamin Orange Flower, author of the 1892 pamphlet <a href="https://archive.org/details/fashionsslaves00flow">Fashion’s Slaves</a>, claimed that “if women will continue this destructive habit, the race must inevitably deteriorate”.</p> <p>As science has developed, the medical root of these illnesses has been identified, and the corset’s culpability disproved. The corset offers an example of <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/nov/13/the-female-problem-male-bias-in-medical-trials">gender bias within medical research</a>. The many ailments of <a href="https://brightonmuseums.org.uk/discover/2016/04/22/inside-georges-breeches-the-health-of-george-iv/">George IV</a>, one of the many men to wear a corset in the 19th century, were never blamed on his corset wearing.</p> <p>Some corsets were even specifically designed to be healthy and supportive. Lingerie company Gossards published <a href="https://books.google.co.uk/books/about/Corsets_from_a_Surgical_Viewpoint.html?id=hztGtwAACAAJ&amp;redir_esc=y">Corsets from a Surgical Perspective</a> in 1909, which promoted the flexibility and supportive possibilities of the corset, which could “preserve the lines demanded by fashion, but without discomfort or injury”.</p> <p><img src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/2022/04/file-20220330-5868-a1x92v.jpg" alt="Regency stays sought to shape women’s breasts by separating and lifting them. V&amp;A" width="754" height="1005" /></p> <p><em>Regency stays sought to shape women’s breasts by separating and lifting them. Image: <a href="https://collections.vam.ac.uk/item/O138889/stays-unknown/?carousel-image=2010EE8174">V&amp;A</a></em></p> <p>But the hourglass shape of the late 19th-century period was not what women of the regency desired. They were only interested in their breasts, as <a href="https://www.yalebooks.co.uk/display.asp?K=9780300218725">Hilary Davidson has shown</a>. Breasts needed to be lifted and separated into two round orbs. Regency corsets (or “stays” as they were known) were often <a href="https://collections.vam.ac.uk/item/O138889/stays-unknown/">short, always soft, and never heavily boned</a>. Their purpose was bust support, never restriction. I wonder what regency women would have thought of modern bras with straps that pinch and underwire that rubs.</p> <p>Historical corsets were ingenious, light and bendy. Whalebone (which is baleen from the mouth of a whale, and is not actual bone) is wonderfully flexible, and moulds to the body beneath it – and many corsets were simply reinforced with cotton cording. Corsets reduced back pain from bad posture and <a href="https://museum.maidstone.gov.uk/staff-pick-pregnancy-corset/">had expanding portions for pregnancy</a>.</p> <p><strong>Historical myth making</strong></p> <p>The problem then in the depiction of corsets in period dramas is not “historical accuracy”, an idea <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=br_tGCadJPE">widely debunked by historians</a>, including Bridgerton’s own <a href="https://www.historyextra.com/period/modern/period-dramas-should-not-be-judged-on-historical-accuracy-say-historians/">historical advisor</a>. Bridgerton’s costumes are joyously reminiscent of designer <a href="https://www.metmuseum.org/art/collection/search/80018036">George Halley</a>’s highly embellished and brightly coloured empire line fashion designs from the 1960s. Bridgerton’s costumes are historically inspired fantasy.</p> <p>Bridgerton is to Regency England what Game of Thrones is to the Wars of the Roses, and there is nothing wrong with that. It is a fantastical reimagining, creatively inspired by the past. The idea that its costumes should be “historically accurate”, or that such an aspiration is even possible, is not what is at stake here.</p> <figure><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/qYNCws-a6CQ?wmode=transparent&amp;start=0" width="440" height="260" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></figure> <p>This is an issue of historical fallacy. Women of the past had agency over their bodies and how they were dressed. They were clever about how they achieved the fashionable proportions, padding out the <a href="https://collections.vam.ac.uk/item/O354882/bustle-pad-unknown/">hips</a> and <a href="https://risdmuseum.org/art-design/collection/bust-improver-6003412">bust</a>, rather than reducing the waist. Like the show’s famed dressmaker, Madame Delacroix, many of the professionals dressing them were themselves women. We strip away that agency and ingenuity when we assume historical women were passive dolls, dressed up and cinched in by a patriarchal society.</p> <p>For historical women, corsets were a support garment, which allowed them to follow the fashionable silhouette without having to diet, exercise, or have cosmetic surgery. It would be a refreshing change to see period dramas embrace this feminist history of the corset, instead of falling back on a misogynistic stereotype.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/180267/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/serena-dyer-1127384">Serena Dyer</a>, Lecturer in History of Design and Material Culture, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/de-montfort-university-1254">De Montfort University</a></em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/bridgerton-how-period-dramas-made-audiences-hate-the-corset-180267">original article</a>.</em></p> <p><em>Image: @bridgertonnetflix (Instagram)</em></p>

Beauty & Style

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“No, I hate it so much”: Woman’s reaction to engagement ring goes viral

<p dir="ltr">A woman who hated the engagement ring her fiancé bought her has forced him to swap it out for one that’s DOUBLE its price. </p> <p dir="ltr">The bride-to-be took to <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@beefinnagain/video/7073846184753827115?is_copy_url=1&amp;is_from_webapp=v1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">TikTok</a> and shared the story to her 450 followers about how she was “not being too much” for asking to swap the ring.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I asked him to replace it, so I’m probably going to get a lot of hate for this and honestly, I’m OK with that; I’m aware I’m a lot,” she said. </p> <p dir="ltr">She explained the pair had been dating for a while but the whole time she was in “marriage headspace”. </p> <p dir="ltr">The woman said she explained to her boyfriend specifically what she wanted: “I want a ring with a halo. I want the little diamonds around the main ring.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“Don’t talk to me about marriage,” she claims he said.</p> <p dir="ltr">The woman however said that she would not move in with him unless he proposed. </p> <p dir="ltr">She emphasised that she “didn’t care about the size, cut, or clarity of the diamond” and that all she wanted was a “little halo on the inside diamond”. </p> <p dir="ltr">“The time comes, he proposed and it literally was a princess cut diamond with no halo. It was a beautiful diamond, but it was just not what I wanted,” she rambled on. </p> <p dir="ltr">“So after he proposed I literally went home and my mum was like, ‘Do you like the ring?’</p> <p dir="ltr">“And I like bawled, I was like, ‘No I hate it so much and I have to wear it forever.’”</p> <p dir="ltr">It took her a week to tell her boyfriend that she was not happy with the ring and that she wanted a new one.</p> <p dir="ltr">“I called him and was like, ‘Hey this is going to be a hard pill to swallow but like I hate the ring – it is just not what I wanted and I am willing to wait for something that I do want but like I just need you to know that. Can we try and fix this?” she asked.</p> <p dir="ltr">“All is well in the world. He was able to get a refund and swap it out and it was fine … I made him pay double for the ring because he took me to the store and I told him what I liked.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image: TikTok</em></p>

Relationships

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John Mayer responds to hate comments from angry Taylor Swift fans

<p>As pop music icon Taylor Swift re-records a selection of her hit albums, her exes, who are often the subject of her music, are copping a lot of hate online.</p> <p>Recently, Taylor opened up about her relationship with Jake Gyllenhaal (the pair had a fleeting romance in 2010) in her re-release of her album <em>Red</em>.</p> <p>Following the album's second life in the public eye, Jake Gyllenhaal has seen a flood of hate message from dedicated Taylor fans, asking how he could possibly break her heart so much to warrant such devastating songs.</p> <p>As Jake has chosen not to respond to haters, another one of Taylor Swift's exes John Mayer, has not stayed as quiet.</p> <p>As Taylor's next album to be re-recorded will be the <em>Speak Now</em> album, which famously centres arounds their 2009 romance, dedicated Swifties have turned their attention to John.</p> <p>One fan decided to call John out in a private message on Instagram, saying, "<span>F–-k yourself you ugly b---h I hope you choke on something …  Answer me you b---h."</span></p> <p><span>Thinking the Grammy award-winning artist would never see the threats, the user was shocked when she got a message back saying, "Hi Alondra, it's John."</span></p> <p><span><img style="width: 500px; height: 281.25px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7845690/john-insta.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/d69423daf0f6433aa7b8793399fd3f7a" /></span></p> <p><em>Image credits: Instagram</em></p> <p><span>John responded to the startled fan saying, "I've been getting so many messages like these the past couple days," Mayer wrote back. "I'm not upset, I just tend to have a curious mind and feel compelled to ask. Do you really hope that I die?"</span></p> <p><span>Taken aback by the message from Mayer, the fan in question replied with a voice message to John, saying, "My friend literally dared me to do that. She's a Taylor fan and like so am I. It was a dare. I'm sorry. I did not expect you to see."</span></p> <p><span>The singer graciously accepted the apology, but was perplexed as to why people would be sending such threatening messages about a fleeting romance from 2009 that is mentioned in a re-recorded album that hasn't even been </span>released yet.</p> <p>The fan responded, "Yeah, I guess nobody really thought you would see it or answer since you are famous and don't interact with random people. Again, very sorry!!"</p> <p>John praised the revelation, saying "There was some healing here today!"</p> <p>The fan got in one last warning to the singer, as she said, "Just a warning that people are probably going to be 1000x meaner when Speak Now (Taylor's Version) is released so take care of yourself."</p> <p>Taylor Swift has been <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.firstpost.com/entertainment/explained-why-taylor-swift-is-re-recording-her-studio-albums-and-what-it-says-about-copyright-battles-with-mega-music-labels-10138211.html" target="_blank">re-recording six albums</a> she created at the start of her career, when her previous record company would not give her the rights to her own music.</p> <p>John Mayer's response to the startled fan just goes to show that people need to be wary of what they say online, or run the risk of being publicly dragged by a Grammy award-winning musician with something to say.</p> <p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Music

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Hate ‘can we talk’ texts? Here’s how to deal with it

<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Do messages from a friend or partner asking “can we talk?” leave you feeling anxious? You’re not the only one.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Certain styles of communication can leave us feeling anxious or prompt catastrophizing - when you worry about the worst things that could arise from a situation - even if the other person had only good intentions.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Psychologist Vi-An Le Nguyen says the reason why these vague ways of communicating can be anxiety-inducing is because “the [recipient] hasn’t been taken on the journey”.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When someone receives a message like “can we talk” or a missed call with a message asking to return it, Ms Le Nguyen says “a lot of pre-work has happened … and the recipient would just not be aware of the thinking that’s gone into it”.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Someone without anxiety would likely be slightly worried by [communication] like that but for someone with anxiety, they think about all the worst possible scenarios and outcomes and [become] consumed and overwhelmed by those possibilities,” psychologist Phoebe Lee agrees.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Anxious people often also have hesitant or ambivalent feelings towards change. [And] out-of-the-blue [communication] is often a sign that maybe something’s going to change,” Ms Le Nguyen adds.</span></p> <p><strong>Tips to manage it</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If a message or random call has left you feeling anxious, Dr Lau says you could try asking the person it came from if there is anything you need to know or prepare for before you talk to or see them.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can ask whether it’s an emergency or not, but Dr Lau cautions seeking too much reassurance as “that can be a part of reinforcing anxiety”.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Nobody is responsible for managing another person’s anxiety,” psychologist Sarah Ashton says.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Having said that, we can ask for support and care from those around us - it’s just important that it’s framed in that way.”</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As well as seeking support from others around you, Dr Lau and Dr Ashton stress that it’s important to do work to understand and manage your anxiety.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“[We often see people] with anxiety think that if the other person would just be extra communicative and always respond on time, or give explanations, [that] would be the solution,” Dr Ashton says.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“The solution to your anxiety is you learning to understand and manage it [so you can] regulate yourself in times where there is uncertainty, which is part of life.”</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you do want to change up your communication style to reduce the worry of others - with or without anxiety - Dr Ashton recommends considering the timing of your texts, calls, or emails, and thinking about how the words you use could be received.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you need to talk about something bad, Ms Le Nguyen has a few tips too. In the context of friendships and relationships, she recommends framing what you want to say in terms of your feelings.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“You could say, ‘I’ve been feeling this, can we talk about it?’”</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In a workplace context, you might need to adjust your language to be more concise and formal.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Give as much signalling as you can upfront. You could say [for example], ‘Can you let me know when you’re free to talk about your performance for the next quarter?’” Ms Le Nguyen suggests.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Be honest, but specific so the person knows what’s to come.”</span></p>

Mind

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Why do we hate the sound of our own voices?

<p><a href="http://scholar.google.com/citations?user=zZY5ezsAAAAJ&amp;hl=en">As a surgeon who specializes in treating patients with voice problems</a>, I routinely record my patients speaking. For me, these recordings are incredibly valuable. They allow me to track slight changes in their voices from visit to visit, and it helps confirm whether surgery or voice therapy led to improvements.</p> <p>Yet I’m surprised by how difficult these sessions can be for my patients. Many become visibly uncomfortable upon hearing their voice played back to them.</p> <p>“Do I really sound like that?” they wonder, wincing.</p> <p>(Yes, you do.)</p> <p>Some become so unsettled they refuse outright to listen to the recording – much less go over the subtle changes I want to highlight.</p> <p><a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1365-2273.2005.01022.x">The discomfort we have over hearing our voices in audio recordings</a> is probably due to a mix of physiology and psychology.</p> <p>For one, the sound from an audio recording is transmitted differently to your brain than the sound generated when you speak.</p> <p>When listening to a recording of your voice, the sound travels through the air and into your ears – what’s referred to as “<a href="https://doi.org/10.1016/B978-0-12-385157-4.00121-4">air conduction</a>.” The sound energy vibrates the ear drum and small ear bones. These bones then transmit the sound vibrations to the cochlea, which stimulates nerve axons that send the auditory signal to the brain.</p> <p>However, when you speak, the sound from your voice reaches the inner ear in a different way. While some of the sound is transmitted through air conduction, much of the sound is <a href="https://doi.org/10.1159/000266070">internally conducted directly through your skull bones</a>. When you hear your own voice when you speak, it’s due to a blend of both external and internal conduction, and internal bone conduction appears to boost the lower frequencies.</p> <p>For this reason, people generally perceive their voice as deeper and richer when they speak. The recorded voice, in comparison, can sound thinner and higher pitched, which many find cringeworthy.</p> <p>There’s a second reason hearing a recording of your voice can be so disconcerting. It really is a new voice – one that exposes a difference between your self-perception and reality. <a href="https://www.npr.org/2019/07/15/741827437/finding-your-voice-how-the-way-we-sound-shapes-our-identities">Because your voice is unique and an important component of self-identity</a>, this mismatch can be jarring. Suddenly you realize other people have been hearing something else all along.</p> <p>Even though we may actually sound more like our recorded voice to others, I think the reason so many of us squirm upon hearing it is not that the recorded voice is necessarily worse than our perceived voice. Instead, we’re simply more used to hearing ourselves sound a certain way.</p> <p><a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1365-2273.2005.01022.x">A study published in 2005</a> had patients with voice problems rate their own voices when presented with recordings of them. They also had clinicians rate the voices. The researchers found that patients, across the board, tended to more negatively rate the quality of their recorded voice compared with the objective assessments of clinicians.</p> <p>So if the voice in your head castigates the voice coming out of a recording device, it’s probably your inner critic overreacting – and you’re judging yourself a bit too harshly.<!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/158376/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><span><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/neel-bhatt-1222653">Neel Bhatt</a>, Assistant Professor of Otolaryngology, UW Medicine, <em><a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-washington-699">University of Washington</a></em></span></p> <p>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-do-we-hate-the-sound-of-our-own-voices-158376">original article</a>.</p>

Mind

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Abused, neglected, abandoned — did Roald Dahl hate children as much as the witches did?

<p>Described as “the world’s greatest storyteller”, Roald Dahl is frequently ranked as the best children’s author of all time by teachers, authors and librarians.</p> <p>However, the new film adaptation of Dahl’s controversial book, The Witches, warrants a fresh look at a recurrent contrast in Dahl’s work: child protection and care on one hand and a preoccupation with child-hatred, including child neglect and abuse, abandonment, and torture on the other.</p> <p>Dahl himself once admitted he simultaneously admired and envied children. While his stories spotlight children’s vulnerability to trauma, his child protagonists show how childhood can be an isolating but ultimately triumphant experience.</p> <p><strong>Anti-child or child-centred?</strong><br />While Dahl’s fans champion his “child-centredness” — arguing that anarchy and vulgarity are central to childhood — Dahl’s critics have ventured to suggest his work contains anti-child messages.</p> <p>In Dahl’s fiction, children are often described unfavourably: they are “stinkers”, “disgusting little blisters”, “vipers”, “imps”, “spoiled brats”, “greedy little thieves”, “greedy brutes”, “robber-bandits”, “ignorant little twits”, “nauseating little warts”, “witless weeds”, and “moth-eaten maggots”.</p> <p>Frightening female character on stage. Children behind.<br />The cruel and imposing figure of Miss Trunchbull in the stage musical Matilda. MANUEL HARLAN/Royal Shakespeare Company/AAP<br />With the exception of Bruce Bogtrotter, “bad” children are usually unpleasant gluttons who are punished for being spoiled or overweight. Augustus Gloop is ostracised because of his size. After he tumbles into Willy Wonka’s chocolate river and is sucked up the glass pipe, he’s physically transformed. “He used to be fat,” Grandpa Joe marvels. “Now he’s as thin as straw!”</p> <p>From Miss Trunchbull to the Twits, Aunts Spiker and Sponge, and even Willy Wonka, many of Dahl’s adult characters are merciless figures who enjoy inflicting physical and emotional pain on children.</p> <p>In Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Wonka not only orchestrates the various “accidents” that occur at the factory, but he stands by indifferently as each child suffers.</p> <p>In Wonka’s determination to make the “rotten ones” pay for their moral failings, he not only humiliates the children (and their parents), but permanently marks the “bad” children through physical disfigurement. When gum-chewing champion Violet Beauregarde turns purple, Wonka is indifferent. “Ah well,” he says. “There’s nothing we can do about that”.</p> <p><strong>Red-hot sizzling hatred</strong><br />The Witches is centred around the theme of child-hatred.</p> <p>“Real witches,” we are told, “hate children with a red-hot sizzing hatred that is more sizzling and red-hot than any hatred you could possibly imagine”. At their hands (or claws), young children are not only mutilated but exterminated.</p> <p>Indeed, the ultimate goal of The Grand High Witch is filicide: she plans to rid the world of children — “disgusting little carbuncles” — by tricking them into eating chocolate laced with her malevolent Formula 86: Delayed Action Mouse-Maker.</p> <p>In The Witches, as in many of Dahl’s fictions for children (he also wrote adult erotica), authoritarian figures are revealed as bigoted and hypocritical, or violent and sadistic. Primary caregivers are neglectful or absent.</p> <p>So the real threats to the child protagonists of The Witches, Matilda and James and The Giant Peach are not monsters under the bed, but adults whose hatred of children is disguised behind a mask of benevolence.</p> <p>In The Witches, the young narrator initially finds comfort in the fact he has encountered such “splendid ladies” and “wonderfully kind people”, but soon the facade crumbles.</p> <p>“Down with children!” he overhears the witches chant. “Do them in! Boil their bones and fry their skin! Bish them, sqvish them, bash them, mash them!”</p> <p><strong>Necessary evil</strong><br />Although the violence present in Dahl’s work can be easily perceived as morbid, antagonism towards children is a necessary part of Dahl’s project.</p> <p>The initial disempowerment of the child lays the groundwork for the “underdog” narrative. It allows downtrodden children to emerge victorious by outwitting their tormentors through their resourcefulness and a little magic.</p> <p>Initially, violence is used to reinforce the initial “victimhood” of the child, then it is repurposed in the latter stages of each tale to punish and overcome the perpetrator of the mistreatment.</p> <p>James’s wicked aunts get their comeuppance when they’re squashed by the giant peach. In The BFG, kidnapped orphan Sophie emerges as the unlikely hero, saving herself and exerting a positive influence on her captor.</p> <p>Dahl’s fiction is perhaps considered dangerous for a different reason: it takes children seriously.</p> <p>The author dispenses humour alongside his descriptions of violence to create a less threatening atmosphere for young readers. Children revel in the confronting depictions even while being shocked or repulsed. Dahl — perhaps drawing on childhood trauma of his own — creates a cathartic outlet for children to release tension through laughter, especially at situations that may tap into the reader’s experiences of helplessness.</p> <p>Such fiction provides children a means of empowerment. Seeing themselves reflected in literature can be an important part of a child’s processing of adversity.</p> <p>Dahl’s work raises important questions about the safety of children, encouraging them to find their power in the most disempowering situations.</p> <p class="p1"><em>Written by Kate Cantrell, India Bryce and Jessica Gildersleeve. This article first appeared on <a href="https://theconversation.com/abused-neglected-abandoned-did-roald-dahl-hate-children-as-much-as-the-witches-did-152813">The Conversation</a>.</em></p>

Books

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“Your husband must hate you”: Doctor trolled for being too attractive to do her job

<p class="p1">Doctor Medina Culver is intelligent, attractive and is particularly annoyed at receiving hate comments for being a “pretty woman and badass doctor”.</p> <p class="p1">The physician who is based in Las Vegas posts her medical journey on her Instagram regularly in the hopes that it will help promote the profession to women.</p> <p class="p1">But her efforts are not always met with kindness, with people often telling her she’s “too attractive” to possibly be smart.</p> <p class="p1">Culver addressed the hateful words in an Instagram video saying that ever since she began sharing statements about “women empowerment” she’s received messages telling her that she is a “waste of time” and she should be her “husband’s property”.</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CGJ_BBDhKZk/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="margin: 8px 0 0 0; padding: 0 4px;"><a style="color: #000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CGJ_BBDhKZk/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">Don’t spend all your time wondering what you are, or who you like, or whether it’s right for you or wrong for you. Just be yourself and be happy 👩🏼‍⚕️🩺</a></p> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;">A post shared by <a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/drculver/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank"> Medina Culver, DO</a> (@drculver) on Oct 10, 2020 at 1:17am PDT</p> </div> </blockquote> <p class="p1">Some have gone as far as telling her that her husband “must hate her”.</p> <p class="p1">"You don't love your husband, you're arrogant, you're selfish" one of the criticisms read.</p> <p class="p1">In response, Culver simply quipped, "women are here to stay and lead - we are partners, leaders and we are gorgeous and smart."</p> <p class="p1">"Women are damn strong despite all the negative comments."</p> <p class="p1">Culver also regularly shares her day-to-day life on her page, whether that’s lounging by the pool or engaging in hobbies outside of profession.</p> <p class="p1">But even the appearance of her “normal life” has been met with criticism, with people regularly telling her that she’s “too pretty to be a real doctor”.</p> <p class="p1">"Well thank you... pretty ambitious," she responds.</p> <p class="p1">"Pretty hard-working and pretty determined to achieve my dreams."</p> <p class="p1">"Pretty women can be more than pretty faces....we can also be badass doctors."</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CGVSqEwBZHq/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="margin: 8px 0 0 0; padding: 0 4px;"><a style="color: #000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CGVSqEwBZHq/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">Strong women never give up. We might need a coffee, a cry, or even a day in bed but we always come back stronger 💪🏼</a></p> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;">A post shared by <a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/drculver/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank"> Medina Culver, DO</a> (@drculver) on Oct 14, 2020 at 10:40am PDT</p> </div> </blockquote> <p class="p1">The post attracted comments from other female professionals in the medical field, with one user revealing "I've been a therapist for 10 years and I get that and you're ‘so young’ all the time."</p> <p class="p1">"I get the ‘you're too young’ or straight up ‘you don't look like a doctor’,” shared another.</p> <p class="p1">Culver's statements were widely applauded by her 26,000 Instagram followers, with users writing, "Here's to strong women. May we know them, may we be them, may we raise them."</p> <p class="p1">"No truer words! ‘Cheer each other on’ Love it," wrote one user.</p> <p class="p1">"Just laugh at that crap, it's hateful and absurd. I guarantee you are fantastically inspiring to most people who follow you or come across your posts," said another.</p>

Beauty & Style

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“My son hates me”: Mum issues desperate plea

<p>A new mum has hit a roadblock as she claims that her 16-month-old son “hates” her and she has no idea why.</p> <p>The devastated woman took to the Mumsnet forum asking for advice on the situation as she says her son "loves DH (dear husband) more than anything in the world, loves the dogs [and] loves everyone on the planet except for me.</p> <p>"If he's left alone in a room with me then he'll scream. He's done this literally since he was born. If I pick him up, then he'll scream. He won't take food or water or milk from me, ever."</p> <p>She explained the situation is so bad she had to express breastmilk as her son would only allow her husband to feed him. </p> <p>The mum continued saying she doesn’t even had a photo of her and her son together when he’s not crying. </p> <p>"It's not that he's overly attached to DH though, because he's perfectly fine at <a rel="noopener" href="http://www.essentialbaby.com.au/toddler/childcare/my-son-hates-daycare-20130815-2s0bq" target="_blank">nursery </a>or with his grandparents or even complete strangers," she wrote.</p> <p>Continuing the post, the distressed mum listed other examples when her son has rejected her but has been fine "cuddling and playing" with other people.</p> <p>"When he wakes up and starts to cry, if I go in then he'll look at me and pretend to be asleep, so I don't pick him up," she wrote.</p> <p>"Some people have suggested it's because, as the mother, he sees me all day so takes me for granted but that can't be the case.</p> <p>"From mid-March, DH was essentially furloughed so was with DS (dear son) more than I was. Now we're both back at work but I work five days each week and DH works three.</p> <p>"I don't know what to do. I can't take him to the park or shops without DH (or someone else) because he screams the whole time. I've tried changing my perfume and deodorant and things like that, but it makes no difference.</p> <p>"Everyone says he's the happiest little boy in the world and nursery think he's the easiest baby to look after - I'm the only person he hates."</p> <p>Users on the popular forum recommended to a child psychologist, saying they may be able to help.</p> <p>"How distressing for you," one supportive fellow mum wrote. "Have you asked for any professional advice? I imagine a child psychologist would want to observe you interacting to assess the dynamics between you."</p> <p>"Everyone I've spoken to has just dismissed it," the worried mum replied. "They've said it's normal for a child to have a favourite parent."</p> <p>Other users said to make sure she looks after her own mental health, which some suggested could be playing a part in how she's perceiving the situation. </p> <p>"Please don't think it's anything you are doing wrong, you sound like an amazing caring mum," one mum responded, with another adding, "I think you need help, for your mental health and your baby."</p>

Family & Pets

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“It’s just wrong”: The comment about Hugh Jackman Deborra-Lee Furness hates

<p>Deborra-Lee Furness is used to unwanted attention as her husband Hugh Jackman is known for his iconic role as Wolverine.</p> <p>She opened up on <em>Anh's Brush With Fame</em> about the one comment that bothers her in their 24-year-long marriage.</p> <p>The 64-year-old was candid and said that she finds it "rude" when people tell her she's "lucky" to be married to Jackman after he was voted <em>People's</em> 'Sexiest Man Alive' back in 2008.</p> <p>“Luck! Like I won a chook raffle,” she joked, “People don’t realise that it’s actually rude to say that,” she said, adding: “Lucky because he’s a stud muffin and all that … but that’s showbiz and Hollywood and the brand of Hugh Jackman.”</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CCI4uImjw8N/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="margin: 8px 0 0 0; padding: 0 4px;"><a style="color: #000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CCI4uImjw8N/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">❤️2002</a></p> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;">A post shared by <a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/thehughjackman/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank"> Hugh Jackman</a> (@thehughjackman) on Jul 2, 2020 at 4:57am PDT</p> </div> </blockquote> <p>She also mentioned the gay rumours that have followed the pair of them for the duration of their relationship.</p> <p>“I see these magazines and they’re so mean spirited … I hope people realise it’s all made up. Nicole and Keith get divorced every week and I sit here and I’m like … they’re perfectly happy. They just make up lies and they get away with it,” she said.</p> <p>She added with a laugh: “(Hugh’s) been gay for so many years, I was gay too when I did (1988 film) <em>Shame</em>. They were shocked when I got married.</p> <p>“It’s just wrong. It’s like someone saying to Elton John, ‘Oh he’s straight’. I’m sure he’d be pissed!</p> <p>“And so what! What are we discussing here … Is he a vegetarian … Is he gay?” she added of the obsession.</p> <p>The couple first fell for each other on the set of TV show <em>Correlli in 1995.</em></p> <p>“(Hugh) said he knew two weeks in,” Furness said of how quickly their feelings grew.</p> <blockquote style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CFt6EhUnYCF/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"></div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <p style="margin: 8px 0 0 0; padding: 0 4px;"><a style="color: #000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CFt6EhUnYCF/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">Deborra-lee Furness sure is a Hollywood showstopper. #ABWF SWIPE TO REVEAL. #AnhDo #DeborraleeFurness #portraitpainting</a></p> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;">A post shared by <a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px;" rel="noopener" href="https://www.instagram.com/abctv/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank"> ABC TV + iview</a> (@abctv) on Sep 29, 2020 at 3:35am PDT</p> </div> </blockquote> <p>“I remember I was sitting in his kitchen and he was cooking for a dinner party and I said, ‘You haven’t been coming into my trailer lately, we always used to hang out’, and he goes ‘Yeah yeah I know, I haven’t, I’ve got a crush on you, then I said ‘I’ve got a crush on you too’ and that was it, we admitted it, and I don’t think we ever spent a day apart.”</p> <p>“We just had this amazing connection and I feel blessed that I experienced it, I feel like I met my soulmate.”</p> <p>She continued: “When you find a partner and you find that you share and grow together … and we know, life is tough, it’s not all good, but when you have someone there who is so supportive and you can really stand there buck naked and be yourself. Authentic, warts and all this is who you are … There’s nothing better.”</p>

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Duchess Meghan reaches out after 18-year-old woman was set on fire in alleged hate crime

<p>The Duchess of Sussex has spoken with an 18-year-old biracial woman who was allegedly set on fire in a hate crime.</p> <p>Duchess Meghan spoke with Althea Bernstein in a 40-minute phone call on Saturday to offer support and talk about self-care and being biracial, said Michael Johnson, the CEO of the Boys and Girls Clubs of Dane County.</p> <p>Bernstein, a college student from Wisconsin, USA, was driving on Wednesday morning when she was stopped at a red light and heard a “racial epithet” yelled out, the <a href="https://edition.cnn.com/2020/06/27/us/wisconsin-hate-crime-investigation/index.html">police report</a> said.</p> <p>“She looked and saw four men, all white. She says one used a spray bottle to deploy a liquid on her face and neck, and then threw a flaming lighter at her, causing the liquid to ignite,” the report stated.</p> <p>The young woman was able to put out the flames and drive home. She later reported the incident to the police and received treatment for her face and neck burns at hospital.</p> <p>Madison Mayor Satya Rhodes-Conway described the incident as a hate crime the following day.</p> <p>“This is a horrifying and absolutely unacceptable crime,” she said in a statement.</p> <p>“While we are still learning more about the details, current information suggests this may have been a premeditated crime targeted toward people of colour, which makes the incident even more disturbing.”</p> <p>Bernstein was connected to the Duchess through Johnson, who has been acting as the teenager’s spokesman.</p> <p>“[The Duchess] applauded her for the way that she responded and pretty much said, ‘Hey Michael, give me her cell phone number. I want to stay in touch. And let me know when you want me to come back and talk to people in Wisconsin’,” Johnson told <em><a href="https://www.channel3000.com/michael-johnson-speaks-with-prince-harry-meghan-markle-about-madison-protests/">Channel 3000</a></em>.</p> <p>“Meghan lifted her spirits.”</p> <p>Johnson shared that Prince Harry joined the call for about 10 minutes and that the Prince spoke with Bernstein about the importance of young people’s voices.</p> <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"> <p dir="ltr">On the phone with Prince Harry and Meghan Markel the Duchess of Sussex. Prince Harry shared that young people voices matter and Meghan has agreed to talk with girls in Wisconsin and we will be scheduling that soon. Thank you for caring! <a href="https://t.co/FoVs6ewRgo">pic.twitter.com/FoVs6ewRgo</a></p> — Michael Johnson (@MJohnsonCEO) <a href="https://twitter.com/MJohnsonCEO/status/1276994890078064640?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 27, 2020</a></blockquote> <p>Meghan and Harry have been talking to community leaders about ways to contribute to the Black Lives Matter movement in the wake of the killing of George Floyd, <em><a href="https://people.com/royals/meghan-markle-calls-althea-bernstein-hate-crime-victim/">PEOPLE</a> </em>reported.</p> <p>“They are holding calls with community leaders and organizations but are doing that privately as they continue to see how they can play a role. But they also want to learn and talk about it like the rest of us,” a source told the outlet.</p>

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Why do old people hate new music?

<p><strong>Why do old people hate new music? – Holly, age 14, Belmont, Massachusetts</strong></p> <hr /> <p>When I was a teenager, my dad wasn’t terribly interested in the music I liked. To him, it just sounded like “a lot of noise,” while he regularly referred to the music he listened to as “beautiful.”</p> <p>This attitude persisted throughout his life. Even when he was in his 80s, he once turned to me during a TV commercial featuring a 50-year-old Beatles tune and said, “You know, I just don’t like today’s music.”</p> <p>It turns out that my father isn’t alone.</p> <p>As I’ve grown older, I’ll often hear people my age say things like “they just don’t make good music like they used to.”</p> <p>Why does this happen?</p> <p>Luckily, <a href="https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=MxorsyYAAAAJ&amp;hl=en">my background as a psychologist</a> has given me some insights into this puzzle.</p> <p>We know that musical tastes <a href="https://www.altpress.com/news/why_people_dont_like_new_music_study/">begin to crystallize</a> as early as age 13 or 14. By the time we’re in our early 20s, these tastes get locked into place pretty firmly.</p> <p>In fact, studies have found that <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/why-we-stop-discovering-new-music-around-age-30-2018-6">by the time we turn 33</a>, most of us have stopped listening to new music. Meanwhile, <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/10/opinion/sunday/favorite-songs.html">popular songs released when you’re in your early teens</a> are likely to remain quite popular among your age group for the rest of your life.</p> <p>There could be a biological explanation for this. <a href="https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/4w7kzp/science-has-discovered-why-your-parents-hate-your-music">There’s evidence</a> that the brain’s ability to make subtle distinctions between different chords, rhythms and melodies gets worse with age. So to older people, newer, less familiar songs might all “sound the same.”</p> <p>But I believe there are some simpler reasons for older people’s aversion to newer music. One of the most researched laws of social psychology is something called the “<a href="http://socialpsychonline.com/2016/03/the-mere-exposure-effect/">mere exposure effect</a>.” In a nutshell, it means that the more we’re exposed to something, the more we tend to like it.</p> <p>This happens with people we know, the advertisements we see and, yes, the songs we listen to.</p> <p>When you’re in your early teens, you probably spend a fair amount of time listening to music or watching music videos. Your favorite songs and artists become familiar, comforting parts of your routine.</p> <p>For many people over 30, job and family obligations increase, so there’s less time to spend discovering new music. Instead, many will simply listen to old, familiar favorites from that period of their lives when they had more free time.</p> <p>Of course, those teen years weren’t necessarily carefree. They’re famously confusing, which is why so many TV shows and movies – from “<a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1327801/">Glee</a>” to “<a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5164432/?ref_=nv_sr_1?ref_=nv_sr_1">Love, Simon</a>” to “<a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7014006/?ref_=nv_sr_1?ref_=nv_sr_1">Eighth Grade</a>” – revolve around the high school turmoil.</p> <p>Psychology research has shown that the emotions that we experience as teens <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-high-school-stays-with-us-forever-56538">seem more intense than those that comes later</a>. We also know that <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-high-school-stays-with-us-forever-56538">intense emotions are associated with stronger memories and preferences</a>. All of this might explain why the songs we listen to during this period become so memorable and beloved.</p> <p>So there’s nothing wrong with your parents because they don’t like your music. In a way, it’s all part of the natural order of things.</p> <p>At the same time, I can say from personal experience that I developed a fondness for the music I heard my own children play when they were teenagers. So it’s certainly not impossible to get your parents on board with Billie Eilish and Lil Nas X.</p> <p><span><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/frank-t-mcandrew-194161"><em>Frank T. McAndrew</em></a><em>, Cornelia H. Dudley Professor of Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/knox-college-2259">Knox College</a></em></span></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-do-old-people-hate-new-music-123834">original article</a>.</em></p>

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