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Mother bans in-laws from seeing her baby after they go against her wishes

<p dir="ltr">A woman has banned her in-laws from seeing her newborn daughter after they “betrayed her trust” and directly went against her wishes. </p> <p dir="ltr">The new mum shared the story to Reddit, as she explained why she was cutting contact with her husband’s parents after they pierced her child’s ears without their knowledge or consent. </p> <p dir="ltr">“My husband is from a culture where it's not uncommon to pierce baby girls' ears and his mother started pestering me about getting my daughter's ears pierced a few days after she was born,” the 32-year-old mum began. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I made it clear that I would not be doing that, and that I'd be waiting until she's old enough to ask for it herself. We live in my country where piercing a baby's ears isn't common at all.”</p> <p dir="ltr">The new mum's world soon came crashing down after the baby spent a weekend with her grandparents, before she went back to her parents red in the face and screaming. </p> <p dir="ltr">“My mother-in-law was looking after her over the weekend and decided to pierce her ears without my knowledge or consent.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“When I saw this I threw a fit. My baby was crying in pain, and I actually took her to the doctor to get their advice on whether or not to take them out.”</p> <p dir="ltr">The doctor advised the parent to take the earrings out as they were irritating the baby, but the issue didn’t end there. </p> <p dir="ltr">“I decided at that moment that my mother-in-law and everyone else on that side of the family (except for my sister-in-law, who's on my side about this) is going to have no alone contact with my daughter ever again - or at least until she's a teenager.”</p> <p dir="ltr">“My worry is that she'll do the same thing again, and to be frank, she's lost my trust entirely. I told her that if she had a problem with that, I'd report what she did to the police.”</p> <p dir="ltr">The husband of the baby girl reluctantly sided with his wife over the issue, despite saying it wasn’t a big deal and suggesting everyone move on from the incident.</p> <p dir="ltr">The story prompted a mixed response online, with some people saying the woman was overreacting and should work towards rebuilding trust with her in-laws.</p> <p dir="ltr">Others, however, had the opposite opinion, with one person saying, “Forget rebuilding trust, I'd be having them charged with assault.”</p> <p dir="ltr">Another person said, “They mutilated a child and they knew it was against the parents wishes. These people have serious problems. Not that I'd press charges, but getting holes poked in someone else's kid is a huge thing.”</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image credits: Getty Images </em></p>

Family & Pets

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The most beloved grandparents in film

<p>Grandparents – they’re wise, loving and occasionally grumpy. They also make some of the best characters in films. So grab the popcorn, gather the grandkids and show them how amazing grandparents are!</p> <p><strong>Queen Clarisse Renaldi in <em>The Princess Diaries</em></strong></p> <p>Played by the graceful Julie Andrew, the ruler of the fictional country Genovia needs to teach her granddaughter and heir Mia (Anne Hathaway) how to be Queen. It’s the growing relationship – from heated arguments to acceptance and understanding – between the two that makes this movie.   </p> <p><strong>Aurora Greenway in<em> Terms of Endearment</em></strong></p> <p>In possibly the best movie made about the mother-daughter relationship, Oscar-winning Shirley MacLaine plays the mother who puts years of hostility behind her to care for terminally ill daughter Emma (Debra Winger). However, it’s her role as a grandparent that brings her ultimate redemption becoming the guardian to her three grandchildren. Warning: tissues are a must in this film.</p> <p><strong>Grandma Annie in <em>The Proposal</em></strong></p> <p>Although she has no grandchildren, Betty White always plays the most hilarious nanas. Grandma Annie’s 90th birthday party is the big event where the romance between Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds finally comes to fruition. Even 60 years into her career, Betty White’s comical facial expressions will still make you laugh.</p> <p><strong>Grandpa Joe in <em>Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory</em></strong></p> <p>The bedridden grandfather decides to take his first steps into the outside world for his beloved grandson Charlie. The grandfather and grandson together experience a fantastical adventure of a life time, a trip to Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory.</p> <p><strong>The Grandfather in<em> The Princess Bride</em></strong></p> <p>The anonymous grandfather played by Peter Falk entertains his sick grandson (Fred Savage) with a good-old fashioned adventure story. Although reluctant at first, the grandson is soon just as caught up as we are about the tale of the masked man saving the beautiful princess.</p> <p><strong>Carl Fredricksen in <em>Up</em></strong></p> <p>Although not technically a grandfather, the animated story of a grumpy 78-year old man who forms an unlikely friendship with 8-year-old wilderness explorer Russell is a beautiful story of the generations’ comings together. Because of Russell, Carl learns to live again, something he never thought possible after the death of his wife many years ago.</p> <p><em>Images: Wolper Pictures</em></p>

Movies

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Readers Respond: What was the best part about raising your children?

<p dir="ltr">You always hear parents ask “where did the time go?” when they look at their children growing up.</p> <p dir="ltr">It’s just the same for grandparents as well as they watch their children and their grandchildren go about life. </p> <p dir="ltr">So we’ve decided to ask our OverSixty audience what the best part about raising children is.</p> <p dir="ltr">Check out some of your responses below. </p> <p dir="ltr">Trish George - The love and happiness they brought to our family was so special. Then we proudly watched them grow into the well mannered, respectful and wonderful adults that they are today. Very blessed indeed.</p> <p dir="ltr">Pam Milner - Watching them grow up to be fine, responsible and loving people, now with beautiful children of their own. Plus I got to have a lot of fun along the way, something denied me when I was a child.</p> <p dir="ltr">Margie Buckingham - Falling pregnant after years of trying, was the happiest time of my life. Teaching him how to be a loving, caring, responsible man that contributes his best at all times, it is still just a wonder to me.</p> <p dir="ltr">Denise Clare Dawson - Being lucky to share in the raising of the grandchildren.</p> <p dir="ltr">Linda Payne - The laughs we had which outweighed the naughtiness of kids.</p> <p dir="ltr">Anne Henderson - Their innocence…not having the worry and sadness of seeing them have to grapple with the trials of adult life later on…relationship heartbreak, job loss, not getting that job etc.</p> <p dir="ltr">Louise Headley Duncan - Watching them grow and develop into happy healthy adults.</p> <p dir="ltr">Zandra Burton-Scarlett - Having a wonderful man to do it with. George was the best dad to our boys. Even if he wasn’t the biological father, blood means nothing. We all love and miss you so much sweetheart. Kisses and cuddles have been sent to heaven.</p> <p dir="ltr">Maria Valsamakis - Feeding them and watching them grow strong and healthy, taking them to the beach, reading stories, birthday parties, Christmas.</p> <p dir="ltr">Patrick Campbell - Watching them turn into caring contributing members of society and wonderful parents as well.</p> <p dir="ltr">Share your favourite moment <a href="https://www.facebook.com/oversixtys/posts/pfbid0iNbcAr2Q7UdvFvRWnhLTsSx29FQEjmkBsmE7vSP35APtRtAzUd9ByN4vcWTNNoqwl" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a>. </p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image: Shutterstock</em></p>

Retirement Life

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The 10 “types” of grandparents

<p>In his book, <em>The Grandparent Guide: The Definitive Guide to Coping with the Challenges of Modern Grandparenting</em>, Dr. Arthur Kornhaber, a psychiatrist and founder of a non-profit organisation that promotes the importance of grandparenting identified 10 special roles grandparents play in the lives of grandchildren, all showing the profound impact grandparents can have on children’s lives. Which role, or roles, do you most identify with?</p> <p><strong>Ancestor –</strong> “You function as an ambassador to the past, a powerful figure in the present, and a role model for the future.”</p> <p><strong>Buddy –</strong> “You’re a pal, secret confidante, and at times, even a light-hearted conspirator.”</p> <p><strong>Hero –</strong> “The fact that you have lived in times and places so far removed from your grandchild’s everyday experiences imbues you with heroic qualities.”</p> <p><strong>Historian –</strong> “Sharing your own life experiences as well as those of your ancestors will give your grandchild a sense of continuity and belonging.”</p> <p><strong>Mentor –</strong> “You are a cheerleader firing her imagination, inspiring her dreams, nurturing her spirit, and encouraging her intellectual growth while giving her a sense of self-worth.”</p> <p><strong>Role model –</strong> “Your actions show your children and grandchildren how they should behave as grandparents of the future.”</p> <p><strong>Spiritual guide –</strong> “Acting as a spiritual guide involves teaching your grandchild to harvest such fruits of the spirit as love, tolerance, compassion, reverence, joy, peace, gentleness, faith, and kindness.”</p> <p><strong>Teacher –</strong> “As a grandparent, you have the right and the responsibility to run your own classroom about life, to develop your own curriculum, and to pass on your wisdom, knowledge, and life experience.”</p> <p><strong>Student –</strong> “Just as you teach and inspire your grandchild with your knowledge, she can teach and inspire you with her knowledge of contemporary times across generations and motivate you to jumpstart your capacity to grow and change.”</p> <p><strong>Wizard –</strong> “Activate your own wizardry and be your grandchild’s companion in the preternatural world of make-believe and illusion, of dreams and surprises. Fly together on the wings of fancy and enjoy the flight!”</p> <p><em>Image: Getty Images</em></p>

Family & Pets

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Readers Respond: What is your favourite thing about being a grandparent?

<p dir="ltr">They say a mother’s love is different, as is a father’s love.</p> <p dir="ltr">But what about grandparents and their relationship with their grandchildren? Surely nothing compares. </p> <p dir="ltr">So we decided to ask you about the favourite thing about being grandparents and it sure made us miss ours. </p> <p dir="ltr">From a simple hug to just being in their presence - here are some of your most moving responses. </p> <p dir="ltr">JanWayne Richo - The same as being a parent, I love every single second of being with them!</p> <p dir="ltr">Lorraine Fox - Having the pleasure of their company.</p> <p dir="ltr">Pam Moss - I love every single moment I spend with my grandchildren. I love them to bits and love watching them grow into beautiful adults - love hugs and kisses and love the individuality of each one!!!</p> <p dir="ltr">Lorene Owers - Everything but especially when they give me a hug.</p> <p dir="ltr">Christine Scott - Their little arms around my neck for cuddles.</p> <p dir="ltr">Elizabeth Granter - Being a parent and grandparent is very special. Seeing them grow up into beautiful adults - love them to bits. </p> <p dir="ltr">Raymond Wagner - Filing their bellies with junk food and taking her home. </p> <p dir="ltr">Rick Dayes - Spending lots of time with them. They make me feel 20 years younger.</p> <p dir="ltr">Judy Garstone - Spending time and listening to their stories with them and getting big hugs.</p> <p dir="ltr">Elaine Costello - Being able to hand them back when they have entertained me to exhaustion and then looking forward to the next time.</p> <p dir="ltr">Heather Lawson Hillman - Everything but if I had to choose...it's seeing their face light up yelling grandma's here...as they run to see you.</p> <p dir="ltr">Sandra Bull - When you pull up outside their house and they are waiting screaming "nanny" "poppy".</p> <p dir="ltr">Judy Borwick - Love just being around them, listening, watching and being part of their lives. It's very special to me. </p> <p dir="ltr">Julie Auld - When we all get together. </p> <p dir="ltr">Share your cherished memories <a href="https://www.facebook.com/oversixtyNZ/posts/pfbid0SMUUgStmYTizdVMqDTNbxzYa8SVidAYF4tZtUX35nYXu4p5tFWX37ymtmtqVsevnl" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a>. </p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image: Shutterstock</em></p>

Relationships

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Readers respond: What advice did your grandparents give to you that you remember best?

<p dir="ltr">We asked our readers to think back to a time their grandparents gave them some of the best advice they still remember today. </p> <p dir="ltr">From looking for the good in everyone, tucking in your singlet, and never trusting your fart.</p> <p dir="ltr">Here are some of your answers.</p> <p dir="ltr">Peter Laing - My Gran had a saying: The wise old owl sat in the oak. The more he listened the less he spoke. The less he spoke the more he heard. We should all be like that wise old bird.</p> <p dir="ltr">Gail Keeb - My dad's mum always said "Spend less than you make!".</p> <p dir="ltr">Elsie Miller - If a job is worth doing, it is worth doing well.</p> <p dir="ltr">Kerri Anderson - My grandmother gave me two important pieces of advice on aging - never walk past a toilet and never trust a fart!</p> <p dir="ltr">Laraine Fields - My Nana told me that there was some good in everyone and to look for that.</p> <p dir="ltr">Janice Grove - If you cannot say anything nice, say nothing.</p> <p dir="ltr">Susan Buckett - Always wear clean underwear when you go out, in case you have an accident.</p> <p dir="ltr">Tracey Burns Kitchingham - Some things are better left unsaid…My grandmother was a very wise woman.</p> <p dir="ltr">Pam Leonard - Always leave a place better than the way you found it. No good being so heavenly good that you’re no earthly use.</p> <p dir="ltr">Kylie Jane McCauley - Always keep a little cash aside for a rainy day. You never know when a storm might blow in.</p> <p dir="ltr">Peter Hulthen - Respect your elders. Help the less fortunate.</p> <p dir="ltr">Sue Casey - Life is too long to be unhappy.</p> <p dir="ltr">To leave a memory of your own, or to check out more of the inspiring responses head <a href="https://www.facebook.com/oversixtyNZ/posts/pfbid02RxCVd13bBb1N59vYUcgQohgxie6u4uazXNTgvFmRWpKSa6z7ZLKc5peUwaQATUb6l" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a>.</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image: Shutterstock</em></p>

Retirement Life

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The real reason you’re not a grandparent yet

<p dir="ltr">How many times have you asked your child when they’re going to make you a grandparent? </p> <p dir="ltr">Too many times to count.</p> <p dir="ltr">But you may soon have an answer as to why you’re not a grandparent yet thanks to relationship expert Louanne Ward.</p> <p dir="ltr">The dating expert has shared the top six mistakes men and women are making that are keeping them single. </p> <p dir="ltr">The mistakes include:</p> <ol> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation">You expect a partner to be everything you ever wanted</p> </li> </ol> <p dir="ltr">When you expect something from your partner and it’s something you’ve always wanted it can almost always lead to disappointment. </p> <ol start="2"> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation">You see personality differences as negatives</p> </li> </ol> <p dir="ltr">“It is important to have differences and similarities,” Louanna explained.</p> <blockquote class="instagram-media" style="background: #FFF; border: 0; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: 0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width: 540px; min-width: 326px; padding: 0; width: calc(100% - 2px);" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/reel/CdVXIueJqza/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"> <div style="padding: 16px;"> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="padding: 19% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: block; height: 50px; margin: 0 auto 12px; width: 50px;"> </div> <div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style="color: #3897f0; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: 550; line-height: 18px;">View this post on Instagram</div> </div> <div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"> <div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg);"> </div> </div> <div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style="width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"> </div> <div style="width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"> </div> </div> </div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: #f4f4f4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"> </div> </div> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;"><a style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none;" href="https://www.instagram.com/reel/CdVXIueJqza/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank" rel="noopener">A post shared by Matchmaker | dating expert (@louanneward)</a></p> </div> </blockquote> <ol start="3"> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation">You compare the person to past experiences or future dreams</p> </li> </ol> <p dir="ltr">“You are comparing the person to past experience you have had and the future experience you want to have, so you aren't actually present in the relationship,” she said.</p> <ol start="4"> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation">You are afraid of “settling” if they don't tick every box</p> </li> </ol> <p dir="ltr">Louanna explained that people would feel they are settling for a person if they don’t meet each of their criteria.</p> <ol start="5"> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation">You leave at the first time of trouble, not willing to work through it.</p> </li> </ol> <p dir="ltr">“You leave at the first sign of trouble rather than working through conflict or challenges,” Louanna explained.</p> <ol start="6"> <li dir="ltr" aria-level="1"> <p dir="ltr" role="presentation">You don't give people a chance, and make snap judgements.</p> </li> </ol> <p dir="ltr">“You make a snap decision and judgement without scratching the surface,” she said.</p> <p dir="ltr">So what do you think?</p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image: Shutterstock</em></p>

Relationships

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Readers respond: What are some things your grandkids aren’t allowed to do?

<p dir="ltr">Having the grandkids come round to visit can be such a joy and the perfect way to create some sweet memories with them. </p> <p dir="ltr">As much as it’s a chance to spoil them, there are some things grandkids can’t get away with.</p> <p dir="ltr">From trampolining off the furniture to improper manners, when we asked our readers what they wouldn’t allow their grandkids to do, this is what you had to say.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Shena Wood</strong> - All my grandkids are so good when they come. Only one real rule and that is we eat at the table.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Shirley Gaye Howearth</strong> - Nothing, they are allowed to do whatever pleases them.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Jill Edwards</strong> - No tech while eating! This is for all meals, (whether) at the table or on the couch.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Joy Scott</strong> - Sit at table to eat and little ones wipe hands before leaving. Saves a lot of work.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Dalena Lee</strong> - Jump on the couch. I tell them that when they see me jump on the couch, then they can.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Jan Bradley</strong> - Table manners, respect, no jumping or climbing on furniture! Aside from that I don’t have any rules, just love spending time with them.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Helen Vella</strong> - My kids weren’t allowed to do anything, my grandkids can do whatever they want.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Jennifer Slack-Smith</strong> - I say ‘Whatever happens at Nanny’s stays at Nanny’s.’</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Heather Cassey</strong> - Torment the cat, disrespect me, or anything that will hurt them. Other than that they pretty much have me twisted around their little fingers.</p> <p dir="ltr"><strong>Douglas Jones</strong> - I always send my grandchildren home with a tube of glitter.</p> <p dir="ltr">To read what else you said, head <a href="https://www.facebook.com/oversixtys/posts/3315334072030189" target="_blank" rel="noopener">here</a>.</p> <p><span id="docs-internal-guid-d7830072-7fff-1194-1c28-11449432a806"></span></p> <p dir="ltr"><em>Image: Getty Images</em></p>

Caring

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Grandma's hilarious ranking system goes viral

<p>Many suspect their grandma may have favourites, but one family knows for sure where they stand thanks to their grandmother’s brutally honest "leaderboard".</p> <p>US comedian Dan LaMorte posted on TikTok explaining the unique feature in his grandmother's house, where at any time family members can look to see how beloved they are in their matriarch's eyes – and heart.</p> <p>"At my grandma’s house she has a board of the ten grandchildren's faces on magnets, and she ranks us from one to ten. I'm eight," he says proudly before cutting the video off.</p> <p>The comedian's TikTok followers found the system hilariously honest.</p> <p>"I would kill for this kind of transparency in my relationships," said one commenter. "I would have told her that she my #2 grandma," added another.</p> <p>"My grandma used to rank us too. She would regularly tell us of our rankings. She's been gone for 4 years, but I talk about her a lot in therapy," said one commenter.</p> <p>"That was the basis behind this. She used to do verbal rankings so we made her a board to do it visually," revealed LaMorte.</p> <p>In a separate video, the comedian displays the rankings again three months on, explaining some of the reasoning behind the shifts in order.</p> <p>He reveals that the number one favourite grandchild lives next door so she moves her ranking herself and is therefore invalid, while number two is a dentist and number three is a doctor.</p> <p>He also adds that he moved up two places, now at sixth place out of the ten grandchildren.</p> <p>"The key is to coast and wait for the others to mess up. The long game," one commenter suggested.</p> <p>"My great-grandmother's favorite grandchild is my childhood dog, whose portrait takes center stage in her home," said another.</p> <p><em>Image: TikTok</em></p>

Family & Pets

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Readers respond: What do you remember about your grandparents?

<p>We asked our readers what they remember most about their grandparents, and the responses were heartwarming. </p><p>From holiday visits and distinctive smells, to gifts and special activities, here are some of your favourite memories with your grandparents. </p><p><strong>Dawn Dominick</strong> - My grandma on shopping day at the Vic market.. she would always buy me a toffee apple as a treat. </p><p><strong>Isabel Edwards</strong> - I was lucky to live in a home with my great grandmother &amp; my grandparents at the same time that was when families would look after each other.</p><p><strong>Vicki Wooden</strong> - My Nana was warm, soft, smelt of lily of the valley powder, liked to sing old songs, could knit or crochet anything, she gave the best hugs and she made a dessert called apple snow and I loved it and her more than anything else.</p><p><strong>Allan Riches</strong> - That beautiful smell of my lovely Nana, her laughing, and smiles and cuddles, oh and her apple pies.</p><p><strong>Shirley Williams Knevitt</strong> - Only knew one grandparent and remember she would bring balfours fruit buns each visit.</p><p><strong>Margaret Inglis</strong> - Only knew my mother's mother. She lived quite a distance from us, so didn't see her often. Saying that she would stay for a few days and would always be crocheting doilies and place mats. Still have some. </p><p>Also, we would do an errand for mum after school and Nana would always slip in a couple of pennies for an ice cream.</p><p><strong>Jackie Jakeways</strong> - My Nan and grandad helped bring up my brother and me as we lived in there house loved them both dearly. I will always remember my pretty dresses and my nans beautiful long auburn hair and brushing it.</p><p><strong>Joy Meyer</strong> - My Nan was a wonderful caring woman. On her 100th birthday she said we shouldn't be making a fuss over her... we should be sending the queen get well cards cos she just came out of hospital. That's the lovely type of person Nan was.</p><p><strong>Lynette Smede</strong> - My maternal grandmother lived with us and made the best mushroom and niche tarts.</p><p><strong>Lynne Clarke Carter</strong> - My pop was still riding his bicycle at age 90, and other granddad showing us how to pan for gold at the creek in Ballarat.</p><p><strong>Pam Thomas</strong> - How brave my granddad was to go and return from World War 1. He was a gentle beautiful man who never got over the hell of war. And my wonderful nana who supported him at every step.</p><p><strong>Karen Algie</strong> - I had lots of school holidays with my grandparents and loved every minute, they are the best memories I have from my childhood.</p><p><strong>Linda Barclay</strong> - My paternal grandmother, was tough as nuts. She used to stitch up her own injuries! She was good for a laugh some times though.</p><p><strong>Diane Wilson</strong> - Only met my grandma on mums side and she passes when l was 12 but she showed me how to crochet. </p><p><strong>Donna Knight</strong> - I always use to get behind my nana when lights and thunder hit thinking that she would protect me.</p><p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Family & Pets

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Readers respond: What is your favourite thing about being a grandparent?

<p>We asked our readers what their favourite thing is about being a grandparent, and the responses were overwhelming. </p><p>To seeing their families grow up, to having someone fun to learn from, here is what you said. </p><p><strong>Patricia Eaton</strong> - Seeing that look of wonder meant on her gorgeous little face when I sing old nursery rhymes or songs to her and she joins in.</p><p><strong>Raymond Wagner</strong> - Filing their bellies with junk food and taking her home.</p><p><strong>Joan Greenwood</strong> - Everything but especially the hugs and cuddles.</p><p><strong>Rick Dayes</strong> - Spending lots of time with them they make me feel 20 years younger.</p><p><strong>Jude Lowe</strong> - Remembering their parents at the same age!</p><p><strong>Janette Scott</strong> - The excitement to see them again, watching them grow and their funny ways!</p><p><strong>Maureen Norton</strong> - Love having the grandkids,the cuddles,the innocent remarks making me laugh.</p><p><strong>Lorraine Fox</strong> - Having the pleasure of their company.</p><p><strong>Karen Spencer</strong> - Working at my grandsons School, seeing him and my great nephew there.</p><p><strong>Christa Caldecott</strong> - Listening to their stories of what they’ve been learning and doing. Some are hilarious from our 4 year old great grandson.</p><p><strong>Elaine Costello</strong> - Being able to hand them back when they have entertained me to exhaustion and then looking forward to the next time.</p><p><strong>Margaret Stroud</strong> - The overwhelming love that you feel the little faces light up and call your name and watching them grow.</p><p><strong>Sandra Bull</strong> - When you pull up out side their house and they are waiting screaming "nanny" and "poppy".</p><p><strong>Margaret Dorries</strong> - When the families all get together.</p><p><strong>Sandra McGregor</strong> - Being able to enjoy these little people without having to raise them. We’ve done the raising of their parents and now we just get to do all the fun stuff with them! Love my 10 Grandies to bits!</p><p><strong>Lois Tysver Fox</strong> - Having my Grands here for some one-on-one time. And seeing how much they've grown and changed in such a short time. I get my three grands every other Saturday, and I'm loving this.</p><p><strong>Kate Forno</strong> - Having the privilege of watching them grow and mature and spending as much time as possible with them because it always leaves me feeling like I’m floating on air.</p><p><strong>Jenny Whales</strong> - Their innocence and awe.. to see the world through their eyes, accepting and unconditional love, and their beautiful smiling faces.</p><p><strong>Michael Woodhouse</strong> - Handing them back at the end of the day.</p><p><strong>Nola Schmidt</strong> - Everything, but especially when they tell me they love me.</p><p><strong>Joy Derham</strong> - Hugs and then being able to hand them back when they have entertained me to exhaustion and then looking forward to the next time.</p><p><em>Image credits: Getty Images</em></p>

Family & Pets

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"No heart": Gran slammed for cruel Christmas act

<p><em>Image: Facebook </em></p> <p>It didn't take long for a group of Facebook commenters to proclaim an unnamed grandmother guilty of having absolutely “no heart” after she left her son’s stepchild off her Christmas list.</p> <p>The anonymous grandmother was outed by a friend of hers who saw a "heartbreaking" photo shared by the gran on social media.</p> <p>In the photo, four children can be clearly seen wearing adorable matching Christmas pyjamas – but of particular interest is the fact that a FIFTH child is visible siting on the end wearing something completely different, making them the obvious odd one out.</p> <p>The friend who shared the photo captioned it with the words: "Some people out there with no heart!"</p> <p>"A friend of mine is married. Mother-in-law bought matching PJ's for all kids EXCEPT the one that doesn't belong to her son. Is she wrong?" she asked on a local Facebook group page.</p> <p>Members of the Facebook group where the photo was shared were horrified by the image and did not attempt to hide their anger.</p> <p>One person commented that the grandmother was: "100 per cent wrong".</p> <p>"The woman should feel ashamed of herself for leaving an innocent child out."</p> <p>"This is horrible to the core," wrote another.</p> <p>A third added: "Wow what a horrible thing to do."</p> <p>Some commenters defended the grandma, calling it "her choice", while one pointed the finger at the mother for not preventing the cruel act in the first place.</p> <p>"The mum should have refused them," one person wrote. "To let this happen and then take a photo as well."</p> <p>Blended families are always complicated and no one knows the real story behind the image, but being excluded is never a good feeling, especially for a child at Christmas.</p>

Family & Pets

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Should I take a gift? As borders open, how to prepare for reuniting with your grandkids

<p>As border restrictions lift, family reunions are being planned around Australia. This is an exciting but also uncertain time, particularly for grandparents who have been separated from grandchildren.</p> <p>Over the past months (and in some cases, years), grandchildren will have grown and changed. They may have new interests, routines and skills. You may even have the <a rel="noopener" href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1474704919875948" target="_blank">transformative experience</a> of meeting a new grandchild for the very first time.</p> <p>With older grandchildren, <a rel="noopener" href="https://theconversation.com/grandparent-grandchildren-video-calls-are-vital-during-covid-19-here-are-simple-ways-to-improve-them-141534" target="_blank">digital technologies</a> may have kept you in contact and up-to-date. But with younger grandchildren, this is harder, and it may be time to rekindle relationships.</p> <p>We are researchers investigating the roles grandparents play and the <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1080/21582041.2018.1433317" target="_blank">influence</a> this has on families and communities. So, how can grandparents make the most of this time?</p> <p><strong>The special role of grandparents</strong></p> <p>Due to increased lifespans, grandparents have more time and ability to invest in their grandchildren than <a rel="noopener" href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0963721411403269" target="_blank">ever before</a> in human history.</p> <p>The grandparent-grandchild relationship can be a very special one. A grandparent’s involvement in a child’s life, whether through shared actives or a listening ear, is <a rel="noopener" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1099-0860.2009.00215.x" target="_blank">linked</a> to the child’s well-being.</p> <p><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/429276/original/file-20211029-23-1y65rbj.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=45&amp;auto=format&amp;w=754&amp;fit=clip" alt="Grandparents hug a baby." /> <em><span class="caption">Researchers are finding increasing evidence of the importance of grandparent-grandchild relationships.</span> Image: S<span class="attribution"><span class="source">hutterstock</span></span></em></p> <p>The benefits depend on your family situation, but can include improved psychological adjustment for <a rel="noopener" href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1111/j.1728-4457.2011.00379.x" target="_blank">grandchildren</a>, increased <a rel="noopener" href="https://doi.org/10.1017/S004727941700071X" target="_blank">workforce participation</a> for mothers, and a longer and happier life for <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1090513816300721" target="_blank">grandparents</a>.</p> <p><strong>The importance of asking questions</strong></p> <p>When preparing to see your grandchildren again, our first suggestion is to ask your grandchild’s parents what they think is a good idea for your first catch-up. What does your grandchild enjoy doing at the moment? What is their daily routine? Is there anything to avoid?</p> <p>If you are meeting a grandchild for the very first time, bear in mind the parents have gone through huge changes since you last met. As with older children, ask the parents what will suit them in terms of visit type and time.</p> <p>Be <a rel="noopener" href="https://raisingchildren.net.au/grown-ups/grandparents/family-relationships/being-a-grandparent" target="_blank">open and honest</a> about what support you think you can provide, and be aware the parents needs may change (they may want more or less help than they anticipated).</p> <p>When it comes to discussing the changes a new baby has brought, grandparents are trying to juggle in their mind the thrill of participating in their grandchild’s life, without disrupting or overstepping parents’ boundaries. From our yet to be published research, we understand this is not a simple matter for many families, but starting the conversation is important in maintaining these valuable relationships.</p> <p><strong>Persistent, not pushy</strong></p> <p>Your grandchildren may be feeling shy when you first meet. So even though this may have been a longed-for reunion, you may need to tread carefully.</p> <p>This is perfectly normal and can be overwhelming for everyone. Just take your time, and let them get to know you again. Your first instinct will be to catch up on the thousands of lost hugs, but it may work better stay close by and let them come to you.</p> <p><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/428728/original/file-20211027-27-42qfit.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=45&amp;auto=format&amp;w=754&amp;fit=clip" alt="Grandparents playing with grandkids." /> <em><span class="caption">With young children, you don’t have to plan something fancy for your first catch-up. Image: S</span><span class="attribution"><span class="source">hutterstock</span></span></em></p> <p>The good news for grandparents is that several research projects have shown what grandchildren <a rel="noopener" href="http://www.hoepflinger.com/fhtop/Grandchildren.pdf" target="_blank">really want</a> is simply for grandparents to be “there when needed”.</p> <p>So just “being there” – interested and available – for your first visit is perfectly fine. This helps reduce expectations of what you feel you need to do.</p> <p><strong>Gifts</strong></p> <p>Your first inclination may be to bring something exciting to play with together. But on top of seeing each other again, rushing in with a new treat might be too much. You will need to read the room.</p> <p>Consider taking something small, or maybe you can keep something in the car and bring it out once everyone has warmed up.</p> <p><strong>Parallel play</strong></p> <p>Play is obviously central to children’s learning and experience. Early in life, however, this may mean playing alone, which may be confusing for some of us.</p> <p>A good way to work with this while rekindling your relationship is parallel play, particularly if a child is aged between two and five. Parallel play involves playing next to your grandchild and letting them come to you when they are ready.</p> <p>This is one way you might need to put the patience and persistence we discussed earlier into practice.</p> <p><strong>Let grandchildren lead (within reason)</strong></p> <p>In the same vein, don’t feel as though you need to take the lead when working out what to do with your grandchild, either. Or that your idea for reading a certain book or doing a particular puzzle is the one your grandchild will go with.</p> <p><img src="https://images.theconversation.com/files/428727/original/file-20211027-15-34v14w.jpg?ixlib=rb-1.1.0&amp;q=45&amp;auto=format&amp;w=754&amp;fit=clip" alt="Grandparents push a grandchild on a swing." /> <em><span class="caption">Seeing your grandchild again could be as simple as a walk to the park. Image: S</span><span class="attribution"><span class="source">hutterstock</span></span></em></p> <p>Often, seemingly simple activities like a walk to a park are the most rewarding. Here your grandchild has the opportunity to show you about their world and what they like to do on their terms. It is also a good way to see how your grandchild has grown and developed.</p> <p>We want to show our unconditional affection and love for our grandchildren, <a rel="noopener" href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0038026120916104" target="_blank">this feels natural</a>, and we know it can be so valuable.</p> <p>But in the the early stages of getting to know each other again, don’t put pressure on you or them. Being available, interested, curious and patient is enough.</p> <p><em>Rebecca Bullingham, a masters student in medical and health science at Edith Cowan University, contributed to this article.</em><!-- Below is The Conversation's page counter tag. Please DO NOT REMOVE. --><img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important; text-shadow: none !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/169731/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /><!-- End of code. If you don't see any code above, please get new code from the Advanced tab after you click the republish button. The page counter does not collect any personal data. More info: https://theconversation.com/republishing-guidelines --></p> <p><em><a rel="noopener" href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/david-coall-408193" target="_blank">David Coall</a>, Senior Lecturer, <a rel="noopener" href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/edith-cowan-university-720" target="_blank">Edith Cowan University</a> and <a rel="noopener" href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/shantha-karthigesu-1284704" target="_blank">Shantha Karthigesu</a>, Teaching and Research Scholar, <a rel="noopener" href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/edith-cowan-university-720" target="_blank">Edith Cowan University</a></em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a rel="noopener" href="https://theconversation.com" target="_blank">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a rel="noopener" href="https://theconversation.com/should-i-take-a-gift-as-borders-open-how-to-prepare-for-reuniting-with-your-grandkids-169731" target="_blank">original article</a>.</em></p> <p><em>Image: Getty Images</em></p>

Relationships

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Canberra grandparents graduate from Rock School

<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Maria and Chris Adams have proved that you’re never too old to learn something new and pursue a new passion. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The 76 and 78-year-old retired accountants from Canberra saw an opportunity for a unique experience with the Australian National University's Community Rock School, and asked themselves, “why not?”</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">"We were giggling as we filled out the application," Maria said to the <a rel="noopener" href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-11-28/canberra-music-school-teaching-instruments/100650008" target="_blank">ABC</a>. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">"But then we got accepted and thought, 'oh my god, Grandad and Grandma are going to rock school!'"</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Chris said he always wanted to be in a band when he was a kid, but neither he nor his wife’s parents could afford to send them to music lessons. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now, the pair can play the ukelele, guitar and sing.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">"We like playing the songs that we remember, because it gives us the memories," Chris said.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">"It's something we can share with each other, and share with our eight grandkids," Maria added.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The free program is run by Micha Forman through the ANU School of Music, and is open to anyone over the age of 18. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">"We'll have really young participants who are just out of high school, right up to people in their 70s and 80s," Micha said.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Throughout the program, students learn how to play as a group, as well as develop their own individual skills. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Micha says the program draws in all kinds of people who have different relationships with music, and is a uniting force to get people involved in something creative.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">"It can be a part of their life in a way that they want it to be, not in a way that someone else has told them it should be."</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Check out Chris and Maria’s story below. </span></p> <p><iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/T8JF6Zwv7MM" title="YouTube video player" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></p> <p><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">Image credits: Youtube - ABC News Australia</span></em></p>

Music

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Twins steal from grandparents and get to KEEP the money

<div class="post_body_wrapper"> <div class="post_body"> <div class="body_text redactor-styles redactor-in"> <p>Two Scottish pensioners have been left devastated after their grandchildren stole their life savings from them and refused to pay them back.</p> <p>Crawford <span>Pirrie, </span>73m and wife Marlene, 75, were heartbroken when their grandchildren, twins Clair and Louise Smith stole $14,000 from them in 2018.</p> <p>The twins had been trusted with the elderly couple's debit card to run errands for them after their grandfather had a stroke, but instead, the twins cleaned out their grandparents.</p> <p>Crawford has said he's yet to get an apology from the twins and that he's "ashamed" to be related to them.</p> <p>The elderly couple tried to get their funds back via a compensation order but were denied by a judge who decided to give a three-month restriction of liberty order.</p> <p>This means that the twins were fitted with electronic tags for three months as well as being ordered to abide by 7 pm to 7 am curfew for the same period.</p> <p>“Not only have the twins refused to pay the money they stole from us but they haven’t even said sorry,” Mr Pirrie said.</p> <p>“They have been acting like they are the victims ever since the court hearing, insisting they haven’t done anything wrong.</p> <p>“They are creatures of the lowest form and we are ashamed to be related to them.”</p> <p>The twins confessed to their crimes, but have not given the money back to their grandparents. </p> <p>Mr Pirrie said that the bank had refused to pay them back as the grandparents gave the twins the debit card willingly.</p> <p><em>Photo credit: </em><em><a rel="noopener" href="https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/real-life/news-life/twin-sisters-steal-grandparents-savings-and-dont-have-to-return-it/news-story/96eba7ac9cf8f3df0fde4a22b5400f95" target="_blank">news.com.au</a></em></p> </div> </div> </div>

News

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Grandparents' genius trick to "visit" family safely

<p>Thanksgiving is approaching in the USA, and with many opting not to travel to spend the holidays with their families due to COVID-19, the holiday will look slightly different this year.</p> <p>Missy and Billy Buchanan from Texas knew travelling wasn’t an option for them due to being in the high risk category.</p> <p>So they came up with the perfect idea to make sure their family didn’t miss their presence, by sending them life-sized cardboard cutouts.</p> <p>Between them, Missy and Billy have four grandchildren that range in age from three to 12, and still wanted to be present in the annual family dinner.</p> <p>"As COVID19 numbers continue to rise, we wanted to show that you can have fun and help keep everyone safe, too," Buchanan said on a<span> </span><a rel="noopener" href="https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=10220993189732428&amp;set=a.1183512640954" target="_blank">Facebook post.</a></p> <p>"I have so many friends who have been impacted by COVID19. For us, it's an act of love. And our kids and grandkids are having such fun with 'us'".</p> <p>The cut outs stand at six feet tall, and gave their kids a shock when they arrived in the mail.</p> <p><iframe src="https://www.facebook.com/plugins/post.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fmissy.buchanan.5%2Fposts%2F10220993219733178&amp;show_text=true&amp;width=552&amp;height=702&amp;appId" width="552" height="702" style="border: none; overflow: hidden;" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="true" allow="autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; picture-in-picture; web-share"></iframe></p> <p>And while some of the grandkids were a little terrified at first, they ended up thinking it was hilarious.</p> <p>"My daughter got hers first. She texted, 'Omg!' and called and said, 'This is the funniest thing we've ever seen,'" Buchanan told<span> </span><a rel="noopener" href="https://www.goodmorningamerica.com/family/story/grandparents-send-cardboard-cutouts-grandkids-place-thanksgiving-74375764?cid=social_fb_abcn&amp;fbclid=IwAR2MaBadeXyNx7RcuD5rYWI5aPny5gwWNyM8oMKgNE8TlqNAuF2JXJYpP-Q" target="_blank"><em>Good Morning America,</em></a><span> </span>adding they've been having fun putting them in different parts of the house.</p> <p>"The kids get to pass them as they go to bed every night and say goodnight to Ama and Poppi," the Buchanan's son Matthew told<span> </span><a rel="noopener" href="https://www.today.com/parents/grandparents-send-cardboard-cutouts-thanksgiving-2020-t200477" target="_blank"><em>TODAY.</em></a></p> <p>The Buchanan's said they hope their fun solution can show other families that you can still be safe and have fun celebrating, even from a distance.</p> <p>"Grandparents can lead the way on this," she said. "I think they're having more fun with the cut-outs than they would have had we been there in person!"</p>

Family & Pets

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Great-grandparents sell multimillion-dollar penthouse to help COVID-19 research

<p>An elderly couple in Queensland have decided to donate the proceeds of their multimillion dollar seaside penthouse in order to help researchers develop a vaccine for COVID-19.</p> <p>Keith and Glenda Drake, both in their 80s, decided to auction off their two-storey penthouse on the Sunshine Coast and want to assist in the search for a cure.</p> <p>The couple moved from the penthouse to an acreage property with their 57-year-old son Neville who requires round-the-clock care as he lives with quadriplegia cerebral palsy.</p> <p>Keith said that the penthouse was earning rental income but decided as long as they have enough income to look after their son’s needs, the money could be put to better use.</p> <p>"We have enough, we know what we need for Neville and his condition, and the rest of our family," he said to<span> </span><em><a rel="noopener noreferrer" href="https://mobile.abc.net.au/news/2020-04-24/couple-donate-penthouse-proceeds-to-coronavirus-research/12177108?pfmredir=sm" target="_blank">ABC</a></em>.</p> <p>"We won't live forever, we're in our 80s … so I said to Glenda, 'Let's do it' and she said, 'Yes!'.</p> <p>"I understood the significance of this pandemic, I realised how serious it was, and thought the laboratories must really be needing some money to do what they've got to do.</p> <p>"Without them coming up with a remedy we could be stuck with this thing for a long time."</p> <p>The couple had already donated $100,000 to the cause but felt the money “wouldn’t get them very far” and decided to add their proceeds from the penthouse to the donation.</p> <p>The funds will go towards expanding national trials, testing the effectiveness of two drugs in the treatment of COVID-19 and other medical research projects.</p> <p>"I couldn't do what they do [medical staff] and that to me is of greater significance than what we are doing," Mr Drake said.</p> <p>"Giving a material thing is not as valuable as the time and energy put in by these medical people.</p> <p>"Those people doing the work — carers, people fighting fires — those are the wonderful people who deserve accolades, not people like us who have just been lucky in business."</p> <p>The funds will go to the Royal Brisbane and Women’s Hospital (HBWH) Foundation Coronavirus Action Fund, and chief executive Simone Garske said that the family are “incredibly generous”.</p> <p>"The funds from the sale of the property will allow research projects, such as clinical trials, to occur and be expanded when necessary, so we get answers faster," she said.</p>

Real Estate

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5 tips to help ease your grandchild back into school mode after the holidays

<p>Most children in Australia are going back to school in just over a week. Children experience a <a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/children-australia/article/selfreported-perceptions-readiness-and-psychological-wellbeing-of-primary-school-students-prior-to-transitioning-to-a-secondary-boarding-school/C86DEA7A6CD20AAF29C26C6947A01F7E">mix of emotions</a> when it comes to going to school.</p> <p>Easing back after the holidays can range from feeling really excited and eager to concern, fear or anxiety. Getting butterflies or general worry about going back to school is <a href="https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/school-stress.html">common</a>.</p> <p>Among the <a href="https://media.bloomsbury.com/rep/files/ch2-outline.pdf">biggest worries of preschool children</a> are feeling left out, being teased or saying goodbye to their caregiver at drop off. Concerns of <a href="https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/research-resources/childline-annual-review/">school-aged children are about </a> exams (27%), not wanting to return to school (13%), and problems with teachers (14%). Some feel lonely and isolated.</p> <p>The <a href="https://www.missionaustralia.com.au/publications/youth-survey/1326-mission-australia-youth-survey-report-2019/file">main concerns</a> for teens are coping with stress (44.7%), school or study problems (34.3%) and mental health (33.2%).</p> <p>Not thinking about school until it is time to go back is one way to enjoy the last week of holidays. But for some, this can make going back to school more difficult.</p> <p>Supporting parents, children and young people with back-to-school challenges can help reduce negative school experiences using the below steps.</p> <p><strong>1. Set up a back-to-school routine</strong></p> <p>Create structure about going back with a <a href="https://healthyfamilies.beyondblue.org.au/age-6-12/mental-health-conditions-in-children/anxiety/tackling-back-to-school-anxiety">school routine</a>. Be guided by your knowledge and history of what best supports your child during times of change and transition.</p> <p><a href="https://raisingchildren.net.au/school-age/school-learning/school-homework-tips/morning-routine-for-school">Set up a practical chart of getting ready</a>. You could include:</p> <ul> <li>what needs to be done each day for school like getting up, eating breakfast, dressing</li> <li>what help does your child need from you to get ready?</li> <li>what they can do on their own? (Establish these together).</li> </ul> <p>The first week back can cause disruption from being in holiday mode so don’t forget <a href="https://childmind.org/article/encouraging-good-sleep-habits/">healthy habits around sleep</a> (<a href="https://www.health.qld.gov.au/news-events/news/physical-activity-exercise-sleep-screen-time-kids-teens">around 9-11 hours for children aged 5-13</a> and 8-10 hours for those aged 14-17), <a href="https://www1.health.gov.au/internet/main/publishing.nsf/Content/health-pubhlth-strateg-phys-act-guidelines#npa517">exercise</a> (around <a href="https://www1.health.gov.au/internet/main/publishing.nsf/Content/health-pubhlth-strateg-phys-act-guidelines#npa517">one hour per day</a> of moderate to vigorous physical activity <a href="https://raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/nutrition-fitness/physical-activity/physical-activity-how-much">three times a week</a>) and <a href="https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/food-and-your-life-stages">diet</a>.</p> <p>Having <a href="https://www1.health.gov.au/internet/main/publishing.nsf/Content/health-pubhlth-strateg-phys-act-guidelines#npa517">consistent bed and wake-up </a> times helps too. The National Sleep Foundation <a href="https://www.sleepfoundation.org/articles/plan-ahead-start-back-school-bedtime-routines-now">suggest starting two weeks</a> before the first day of school to set sleep routine habits. But a week beforehand will help get your kid on their way.</p> <p>In some way, parents go back to school with their children. Consider adjusting your own schedule to make the transition smoother. If you can’t in the mornings, arrange the evenings so you can give as much time as your child needs, especially during the first week.</p> <p><strong>2. Talk about going back to school</strong></p> <p>Most children deal with some level of stress or anxiety about school. They have insight into their school experiences, so find out what worries them by asking directly.</p> <p>You can offer support by normalising experiences of worry and nerves. <a href="https://www.heysigmund.com/how-to-deal-with-school-anxiety-no-more-distressing-goodbyes/">Reassure your child</a> the feelings they have are common and they will likely overcome them once they have settled in. Worries and courage can exist together.</p> <p>Depending on your child’s age, you can also try the following to help:</p> <ul> <li>early years/pre-school – write <a href="https://www.andnextcomesl.com/2018/08/free-social-stories-about-going-to-school.html">a social story </a> about going to daycare or school and the routine ahead</li> <li>primary years – set up a <a href="https://www.education.vic.gov.au/Documents/childhood/professionals/learning/trkpp6.pdf">peer-buddy system</a> where a peer or older child meets yours at the school gate or, if neighbours, kids can go into school together</li> <li>secondary years – establish healthy routines as a family. Support each other around <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-parents-and-teens-can-reduce-the-impact-of-social-media-on-youth-well-being-87619">technology</a> use, sleep and <a href="https://www.education.vic.gov.au/parents/going-to-school/Pages/tips-starting-school.aspx">schoolwork</a>.</li> </ul> <p><strong>3. Help create a sense of school belonging</strong></p> <p>A sense of belonging at school <a href="https://theconversation.com/many-australian-school-students-feel-they-dont-belong-in-school-new-research-97866">can affect</a> academic success and student well-being. Parents can facilitate positive attitudes about school by setting an encouraging tone when talking about it.</p> <p>Also show an interest in school life and work, and be available to support your child both <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs10648-016-9389-8">academically and socially</a>.</p> <p><a href="https://www.webmd.com/special-reports/kids-and-stress/20150827/stress-survey">More than half of the parents in one survey</a> said homework and schoolwork were the greatest drivers of stress in their children. When parents are more engaged in their child’s schoolwork, they are better able to support them through it.</p> <p><strong>4. Look out for signs of stress</strong></p> <p>Research suggests <a href="https://www.webmd.com/special-reports/kids-and-stress/20150827/stress-survey">parents can miss stress or anxiety</a> in their children. Parents can spot stress if their child (depending on age):</p> <ul> <li>is more clingy than usual or tries escape from the classroom</li> <li>appears restless and flighty or cries</li> <li>shows an increased desire to avoid activities through negotiations and deal-making</li> <li>tries to get out of going to school</li> <li>retreats to thumb sucking, baby language or increased attachment to favourite soft toys (for younger students).</li> </ul> <p>If these behaviours persist for about half a term, talk to your classroom teacher or school well-being coordinator about what is happening. Together work on a strategy of support. There may be something more going on than usual school nerves, like <a href="https://lens.monash.edu/@christine-grove/2018/01/18/1299375/no-one-size-fits-all-approach-in-tackling-cyberbullying">bullying</a>.</p> <p><strong>5. Encourage questions</strong></p> <p>Encourage questions children and teens may have about the next term. What will be the same? What will be different?</p> <p>Often schools provide transition information. If the school hasn’t, it might be worth contacting them to see if they can share any resources.</p> <p>Most importantly, let your child know nothing is off limits to talk about. <a href="https://www.heysigmund.com/school-anxiety-what-parents-can-do/">Set up times to chat</a> throughout the school term – it can help with back-to-school nerves.</p> <p><em>Written by Christine Grové and Kelly-Ann Allen. Republished with permission of <a href="https://theconversation.com/5-tips-to-help-ease-your-child-back-into-school-mode-after-the-holidays-129780">The Conversation.</a></em></p>

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Get through the scary movie with your grandkids

<p>The cinemas and TV channels are filled with horror movies. But what should you do if you have a young child who wants to watch too?</p> <p>Many of us have a childhood memory of a <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/5sjstb/whats_a_movie_that_traumatized_you_as_a_kid/">movie that gave us nightmares</a> and took us to a new level of fear. Maybe this happened by accident. Or maybe it happened because an adult guardian didn’t choose the right movie for your age.</p> <p>For me it was <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070047/">The Exorcist</a>. It was also the movie that frightened my mum when she was a youngster. She had warned me not to watch it. But I did. I then slept outside my parents’ room for months for fear of demonic possession.</p> <p>Parents often ask about the right age for “scary” movies. A useful resource is <a href="https://childrenandmedia.org.au/movie-reviews/">The Australian Council of Children and the Media</a>, which provides colour-coded age guides for movies rated by child development professionals.</p> <p>Let’s suppose, though, that you have made the decision to view a scary movie with your child. What are some good rules of thumb in managing this milestone in your child’s life?</p> <p><strong>Watch with a parent or a friend</strong></p> <p>Research into indirect experiences can help us understand what happens when a child watches a scary movie. Indirect fear experiences can involve <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18614263">watching someone else look afraid or hurt in a situation</a> or <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2882043/">verbal threats</a> (such as “the bogeyman with sharp teeth will come at midnight for children and eat them”).</p> <p>Children depend very much on indirect experiences for information about danger in the world. Scary movies are the perfect example of these experiences. Fortunately, research also shows that indirectly acquired fears can be reduced by two very powerful sources of information: parents and peers.</p> <p>In one of our recent studies, we showed that when we <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28531872">paired happy adult faces with a scary situation</a>, children showed greater fear reduction than if they experienced that situation on their own. This suggests that by modelling calm and unfazed behaviour, or potentially even expressing enjoyment about being scared during a movie (notice how people burst into laughter after a jump scare at theatres?), parents may help children be less fearful.</p> <p>There is also some evidence that <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3189411/">discussions with friends can help reduce fear</a>. That said, it’s important to remember that children tend to become <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27585485">more similar to each other in threat evaluation after discussing a scary or ambiguous event with a close friend</a>. So it might be helpful to discuss a scary movie with a good friend who enjoys such movies and can help the child discuss their worries in a positive manner.</p> <p><strong>Get the facts</strong></p> <p>How a parent discusses the movie with their child is also important. Children do not have enough experience to understand the statistical probability of dangerous events occurring in the world depicted on screen. For example, after watching Jaws, a child might assume that shark attacks are frequent and occur on every beach.</p> <p>Children need help to contextualise the things they see in movies. One way of discussing shark fears after viewing Jaws might be to help your child investigate the <a href="https://www.thewildlifemuseum.org/exhibits/sharks/odds-of-a-shark-attack/">statistics around shark attacks</a> (the risk of being attacked is around 1 in 3.7 million) and to acquire facts about shark behaviours (such as that they generally do not hunt humans).</p> <p>These techniques are the basis of <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/in-practice/201301/cognitive-restructuring">cognitive restructuring</a>, which encourages fact-finding rather than catastrophic thoughts to inform our fears. It is also an evidence-based technique for managing excessive anxiety in children and adults.</p> <p><strong>Exposure therapy</strong></p> <p>If your child is distressed by a movie, a natural reaction is to prevent them watching it again. I had this unfortunate experience when my seven-year-old daughter accidentally viewed <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1935859/">Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children</a>, which featured a monster with knives for limbs who ate children’s eyeballs for recreation.</p> <p>My first instinct was to prevent my daughter watching the movie again. However, one of the most effective ways of reducing excessive and unrealistic fear is to confront it again and again until that fear diminishes into boredom. This is called <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-virtual-reality-spiders-are-helping-people-face-their-arachnophobia-73769">exposure therapy</a>.</p> <p>To that end, we subjected her and ourselves to the same movie repeatedly while modelling calm and some hilarity - until she was bored. We muted the sound and did silly voice-overs and fart noises for the monster. We drew pictures of him with a moustache and in a pair of undies. Thankfully, she no longer identifies this movie as one that traumatised her.</p> <p>This strategy is difficult to execute because it requires tolerating your child’s distress. In fact, <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/buy/2016-23260-001">it is a technique that is the least used by mental health professionals</a> because of this.</p> <p>However, when done well and with adequate support (you may need an experienced psychologist if you are not confident), it is one of the most effective techniques for reducing fear following a scary event like an accidental horror movie.</p> <p><strong>Fear is normal</strong></p> <p>Did I ever overcome my fear of The Exorcist? It took my mother checking my bed, laughing with me about the movie, and re-affirming that being scared is okay and normal for me to do so (well done mum!)</p> <p><a href="https://theconversation.com/you-cant-erase-bad-memories-but-you-can-learn-ways-to-cope-with-them-103161">Fear is a normal and adaptive human response</a>. Some people, including children, love being scared. There is evidence that <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/30307264">volunteering to be scared can lead to a heightened sense of accomplishment</a> for some of us, because it provides us with a cognitive break from our daily stress and worries.</p> <p>Hopefully, you can help ensure that your child’s first scary movie experience is a memorable, enjoyable one.</p> <p><em>Written by Carol Newall. Republished with permission of <a href="https://theconversation.com/how-to-watch-a-scary-movie-with-your-child-105973">The Conversation.</a> </em></p>

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How do you help grandchildren adjust when they’re moving?

<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When our children move house, we’re often asked to help store their clutter so their home is looking at its best during marketing. However, looking after grandchildren is sometimes added to the list of our desirable contributions when children are moving. And, given that moving home can be particularly stressful for young children and teenagers, there are a few tips to consider – before and after they move.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Routines are understandably disrupted in major ways during moving and sensitive planning can help all family members, but especially young children, to better cope with the impending changes.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">One of the problems is that busy parents, hectic professional lives, and the necessities of an extremely competitive real estate market can mean little thought is given to the effect moving has on young children and teenagers, both of whom respond differently. Certainly no thought is given to the advice grandparents might need when asked to look after children in the middle of the moving process or how to deal with what comes up afterwards.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Firstly, kids need time to get used to the idea of moving, so parents should give them as much advance warning as possible. It is important for other family members such as grandparents provide them with as much additional information as possible about why the family is moving and what they can expect in their new home and suburb.</span></p> <p><strong>Before the move</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Here are some tips that should help smooth the process of looking after kids when they are in the process of moving suburb, interstate or overseas:</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"><strong>Ask grandchildren to share their feelings with you:</strong> Although you’ll undoubtedly be going through your range of emotions, experts say open discussion is very important so your grandchildren can voice the feelings they’re encountering. Listen to what they have to say and assure them that you understand any concerns. Talk to them about your moving experiences and reassure them about life’s journey, and how change can often opens doors to new and exciting chapters and friends.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"><strong>Don’t take their reactions personally:</strong> Children can have problems adjusting to a move, or the idea of moving, and can blame a parent or parents for causing it. Don’t fall into the trap of defending a parent’s decision making if this happens. Explain that sometimes big decisions can’t be avoided and reinforce some of the positive outcomes that are possible from a move.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"><strong>Make them a part of the process.</strong> Ask your children to help very young grandchildren pack some of their favourite items as their house is being packed up. It can help them understand that although the family will be moving to a new home, their belongings will be moving with them. Personalise their boxes with labels and stickers. Perhaps even ask them if they would like some of their belongings to holiday at your house, during the move.
</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"><strong>Be cautiously optimistic.</strong> It’s important to be positive and optimistic because your grandchildren’s attitude will largely mirror yours and that of their parents. However, don’t insist everything is going to be wonderful. Even if the new house is fantastic, it’s normal for it to take some time to adjust.
</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"><strong>Help grandchildren to explore the new neighbourhood on the Internet:</strong> If they’ll be moving to a new suburb or town, use Google Street View, Google Earth, maps, tourism information websites, local council websites and Wikipedia pages from your new local council or the Internet to explain where you’ll be living. Explain any differences in weather and geography and talk about any nearby attractions that may be interesting, such as moving closer to the beach or to a park. 
</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"><strong>Try to keep a routine:</strong> A child’s world is based on routine and it’s important to try and keep some semblance of normalcy throughout the process. We suggest sticking to a set time for dinner every evening, no matter how chaotic things seem to be, and to regular weekend activities the family enjoys.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For younger children and toddlers, it can be useful to speak to your doctor about issues such as a new diet or the start of toilet training. It may be better to put any further new experiences on hold until you’ve settled in to the new home.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With teenagers, the most prevalent concerns revolve around the loss of peer groups, friends and what to expect from a new school. It’s vitally important not to invalidate their feelings but to openly acknowledge their fears and discuss the importance of keeping a sense of proportion and context. Moving house can be exceptionally challenging for teenagers but also an important, strengthening, life experience when handled sensitively.</span></p> <p><strong>After the move</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">After your grandchildren have moved, there’s bound to be a settling in period – perhaps for you as well. If they’ve moved some distance away, you may feel just as heartbroken as them. In fact, it can be doubly difficult for grandparents because you may be experiencing considerable anxiety about the loss of regular visits to your children as well as your grandchildren.</span></p> <p><strong>There are a few things you can do to make the separation less arduous:</strong></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you’re not particularly tech-savvy, or if you’d like to teach your grandchildren the art of snail mail, make a folder with some paper for very young grandchildren to write notes or draw pictures of their new neighbourhood and friends on. Include some addressed, stamped envelopes (taking account of any looming postal increases) and encourage them to snail mail you at any time.</span></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Set up a Skype account or try out Facetime with the kids before they move. It’s a great way of providing a fun and reassuring way of them keeping in touch whenever they like.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Create a photo album or a framed photo collage with all the great times you’ve shared.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Give your grandchildren a special possession for safekeeping and to remember you by.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Provide the recipe for one your grandchildren’s favourite treats or meals.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Finally, it’s important to let children know that they’ll always be in your heart and in your thoughts, that their future holds exciting new adventures that will also include you, and that you have a pact to find ways to stay in contact and strengthen your bond until you see each other again next time.</span></li> </ul> <p><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">Republished with permission of </span><a href="https://www.wyza.com.au/articles/property/how-do-you-help-grandchildren-adjust-when-they%E2%80%99re-moving.aspx"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Wyza.com.au.</span></a></em></p>

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