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"I just don't like old skin": Jane Fonda's bizarre confession

Jane Fonda has made an unusual confession about her dating life, explaining why she would only date people of a certain age. The Hollywood legend, 85, has been married three times throughout her life: first to director Roger Vadim from 1965 to 1973, then to activist Tom Hayden from 1973 to 1990, and finally to CNN founder Ted Turner from 1991 to 2001. Fonda is currently single, but doesn't plan on staying that way. Despite being open to finding love, the actress has a very specific criteria for potential suitors to meet before agreeing to a date. On the Absolutely Not podcast, the Oscar winner initially suggested she was done with men for good, saying, “I’m done, I’m over, I’m [almost] 86 years old, even in the dark I wouldn’t want to be naked in front of anybody.” But she then went on to confess that there’s still a chance she could fall for a man, but they would just have to be substantially younger. “And here’s another thing, I’m ashamed to say this, if I were to take a lover, he’d have to be 20. Because I don’t like old skin,” said Fonda. She continued, “And consequently, I don’t want to foist that on anybody else. I assume other people are like me, I just don’t like old skin.” “I disapprove of 86-year-old men with 20-year-old women, so I’m not going to repeat it. I can ogle them, and I can’t pretend that I don’t get turned on if I see a certain kind of a person, but no, no, no, I don’t want to force that on anybody.” Her confession has been criticised on social media, with some suggesting the star would be “cancelled” if it was a man that had said the same about young women. “This is seriously weird,” tweeted one fan, while another said: “But an 85 year old man wanting to date a 20 year old woman is disgusting? Am I right?” Image credits: Getty Images

Relationships

Thief asks woman out on date after robbing her at gunpoint

A US woman has gone through the harrowing experience of being robbed at gunpoint, but it was what happened after the fact that was almost as eerie. Amber Beraun was checking the mail one night at her Indianapolis home in May when she was approached by a man with a gun. The gunman was later identified as Damien Boyce. Speaking to WRTV, Beraun said she was confronted by Boyce, who attempted to enter her home. She refused and gave him all the cash she had handy, which came to $100. Before he made his escape, Boyce asked Beraun a very unexpected, and quite frankly bizarre question - to add him on Facebook. The thief also noted he was planning to pay her back. Beraun responded, telling him she “believed” him and that “times just get rough”. Boyce proceeded to ask the woman to “come chill”. He was later arrested by the Indianapolis Metropolitan Police Department and charged over a separate armed robbery on June 12, where two people got shot and one was hit in the head with a brick. He was also charged with his robbery of Beraun. Beraun said her local neighbourhood has been affected by the terrifying incident. "It makes me a little on edge knowing that people walk up and down the street, looking for places to commit crimes," she said. "It makes it a little different when you hear noises at night." Beraun insisted she "never" thought something like this would happen to her. "He took away my sense of safety from my home." Image credit: ABC America

Legal

Long-married couples said not to know each other as well as newlyweds

You would think decades of marriage together would give older couples plenty of time to get to know each other but an interesting new study suggests otherwise, finding that couples who have been together for decades are worse at predicting what their partner likes than newlyweds. The study, published in the Journal of Consumer Psychology, tested young couples, aged from 19 to 32, who had been together for an average of two years and older couples, aged from 62 to 78, who had been together for at least 40 years. Each of the 116 participants was presented with a series of descriptions (of foods, movies, house designs and so on) and asked to rate his or her preference and predict how their partner would rate the item. They were also asked to estimate how many of their predictions were correct. And well, overall, we’re not great at knowing what our significant other likes, even though we think we are. Young couples got 42 per cent of their predictions right and older couples only predicted 36 per cent of their partners’ preferences, when both couple groups overconfidently estimated they would get 62 per cent of answers right. “This is surprising because, compared to younger couples, older couples had much more time and opportunities to learn about each other's preferences over the course of their relationship,” the team of psychologist wrote. They suggested that younger couples may be more motivated to understand their partners during the early stages of a relationship. “Another reason could be that older couples pay less attention to each other, because they view their relationship as already firmly committed or because they think they already know their partner well,” said one of the researchers, Dr Benjamin Scheibehenne of the University of Basel. Image credit: Shutterstock

Relationships

Divorce led me to my true love

Over60 community member, Mary Green, 63, shares her story about how when her marriage suddenly ended after 44 years she found that it was a blessing in disguise. "On the Easter weekend of 2012 I was dumped by my husband of 44 years! After a small disagreement I had gone to our holiday flat on a remote golf course outside Melbourne to work on a book fast approaching its publishing deadline. When I messaged that I would be back on Tuesday, he replied by SMS that he had changed the locks. I was incredulous. Marriage is often not easy, but I was about to find out just how tough I was. For the next two months I travelled gypsy style between the golf flat and the tiny new South Yarra studio my second of three sons had just moved into. I have not been inside our family home since. This was the situation I was in when I decided to date. At 63 I just started again. I joined three online dating sites and did not waste time. I booked to meet seven men in the next seven days, apparently breaking all the rules of being cautious and discreet. All seven men were polite and interesting. We had a coffee or met in a wine bar and I had fun, but there was no chemistry. I was just happy being free from my husband. During this time my husband sent my belonging to me on a truck (which I paid for) and when I was sorting through the boxes of files, a page caught my eye. It was the minutes of the golf estate owner’s corporation, and out jumped the name of a man that I had been at school with. Our sisters were best friends in those days. I checked Facebook, and there he was, with three children, seven grandchildren – but I couldn’t see a wife. A bit of messaging banter later, I asked him to ring me. We met up for a drink that turned into dinner and a hug that I will never forget. In my eyes he was still the handsome sporting hero that I had beaten in the high school mixed doubles tennis finals. He was not looking to date. I hoped he would just give me some lessons in online dating. He had been divorced for about 15 years and had two very long relationships with women that he had met on dating sites. He told me that my booking of seven men in seven days was breaking the rules, but also admitted that he had stacked his dates, just hours apart, in order to meet them all. By Christmas 2012 we were a couple in love. It’s been nearly two years since that first date and I am grateful for the internet and the coincidence that we both owned property on the same golfing estate. He plays A Grade, and I try. We are similar in so many other ways that it’s quite spooky sometimes. Our families have embraced each other and the joy of just knowing he is there helps me immensely through what has been a difficult time. Having worked as a support in my ex-husband’s career, and suddenly having to pay bills without a job of my own, led me to Centrelink. They said that I was too old to retrain at no cost, unless I wanted to study Aged Care – something rather peculiar in that thinking, a subsidised course in bookwork software would be more useful and help me save on accountant’s fees. In the meantime I’m setting up my own Facebook blog, called Healthy Ageing. If I can find a good man on the internet, I am optimistic about building a good lifestyle on it too." *Names have been changed Images: Getty

Relationships

Rolf Harris' cause – and date – of death confirmed

Rolf Harris’ cause of death has been revealed following the announcement of his passing after a battle with neck cancer. While the information was made public on May 23, his death certificate states he died several weeks ago. On May 11, it was speculated that Harris was gravely ill after an ambulance was spotted outside his UK home. However, it wasn’t until May 23 that his death was confirmed. The date of his death on the certificate was listed as May 10, one day before the ambulance was seen. The cause of death was listed as squamous cell carcinoma of neck – neck cancer – and “fragility of old age”. It was first revealed in late 2022 that Harris had been severely ill and struggled to communicate with people. The gap between the date of his passing and his death certificate allowed the family to hold a funeral for Harris and cremate him away from the public eye. In a short statement released by his family, they said Harris “died peacefully surrounded by family and friends and has now been laid to rest”. Harris lived with his wife of 65 years, Alwen Hughes, 91, who has Alzheimer’s disease. Both needed round the clock care. Private investigator and author William Merrit told the Daily Mail Harris was gravely ill when he saw him in 2022. “Rolf has been very sick. When I saw him he was able to speak to me. He was with it, but he was obviously unwell,” he said. A neighbour also shared Harris’ health had declined after the death of his poodle, Bumble in 2022. “Only carers and nurses, who care for him 24 hours, come and go. I’m told he can’t eat anymore,” they said. Harris was born in 1930 in Bassendean, in Perth’s north east. He was a champion swimmer in his youth before moving to London in the early 50s’, where he studied art. After getting early gigs working as a performer and illustrator for the BBC and ITV, he rose to fame for his art and music. In 2005, Queen Elizabeth sat for a portrait with him. Harris received several awards and honours, most of which were taken away. He had been appointed a Member of the Order of the British Empire in 1968 and was appointed to the Order of Australia (AM), where he later advanced to Officer (AO) in 2012. He was thrust into the spotlight in 2013 after being arrested as part of a UK police investigation into a string of sexual offences. He was also accused of taking indecent images of children. He stood trial in June 2014 and was convicted of 12 counts of indecent assault against four teenage girls between 1968 and 1986, one of which was later appealed. He was sentenced to jail for five years and nine months. Harris was released from Stafford Prison in England’s midlands in mid-2017 after three years behind bars and was rarely spotted in public afterwards. He stood trial again in mid-2017 for separate cases of sexual assault, involving seven complainants aged between 12 and 27 at the time of the alleged incidents. He was found not guilty on three counts and was cleared after the jury failed to reach a verdict on four other counts. Image credit: Getty

News

3 things all couples fight about (and what to do about them)

All couples argue from time to time, and it seems that we’re all fighting about the same things. These three issues crop up time and time again, mainly because there’s a deeper meaning than whose turn is it really to vacuum the house. Here are a few reasons why conflicts about money, sex and chores often escalate and how to cool down things down. Money Fights about money are rarely about money. Money is fraught with layers of meaning and often how we see it (and how we handle it) is a reflection of our personal values around freedom, security and generosity. Fights about spending can often be traced back to fears about not having influence in important matters in your life, worries about future security or concerns that your partner does not respect you or your money values. If you find yourself continually arguing about money, rather than focusing on the dollar value of items or pinning blame on who spent what when, talk generally about what role you think money should play in your life. Sex The intimate act of sex can both be a wonderful cementer of relationships or it can be terrible wedge that causes untold relationship tension. Arguing about how often to have sex is often not about the act itself but about our feelings of connection, affection and love. It’s important to remember that just like people change over the years so do desires and intimacy needs. Fluctuating libidos is a factor of life and the way to ensure you’re on the same page as your partner is to communicate. Don’t just expect your partner to instinctively know what you need. Housework It may sound like the most trivial of fights but disputes over domestic chores are less about the tasks and more about the underlying meanings of respect, fairness and worth. When one person feels like the household tasks are not shared or equal, it can unearth negative feelings that the other person does not appreciate them or does not respect them enough to help out. Have an agreement about housework tasks and talk about whether it may have a deeper meaning. Image credit: Shutterstock

Relationships

Why it's never too late to start dating

Thinking about getting back into the dating game? It’s a new world out there and going on a date has changed. Here’s what you need to know. Whether you’re looking for love and companionship in your 20s and 30s or your 60s and 70s, dating is a universal experience that remains timeless. You’re never too old to meet someone new, rendezvous for a dinner and a movie, and possibly have something develop into a relationship. It’s just the act of “going on a date” that can change over the decades. If you’re looking to get back into the dating game but aren’t sure what to expect, don’t worry because you’re not alone. Many singles in their 50s and 60s would like to find a companion to share their life with but aren’t sure how to go about dipping their toe back into the dating pool. <a href="http://www.valeriegibson.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Valerie Gibson</a>, US-based dating and relationship expert and author of The Later Dater, says dating again doesn’t have to be scary, it’s what you make of it. “Most people just want to have someone in their life who loves them, cares about them, is supportive, fun to be with, interesting to talk to and shares their goals,” she says. “That’s what dating is all about – the search to hopefully find someone with whom you can joyfully and happily spend your later years. You may not find them right away, but the journey through dating while you’re searching can be fun and exciting, and make ageing a fascinating adventure.” With that in mind, here are some tips from Valerie Gibson to get you comfortable with the idea of dating at any age. Dating later While dating is a universal and timeless experience for everyone, it can be different depending on your age. In your 20s and 30s, dating is young, passionate, romantic, and carries the prospect of a long-term relationship leading to marriage. “The pleasure of dating in your later years is that dating is a little more low-key and less energetic, but can be much more meaningful and have a lot of depth and satisfaction, and often a lot of commitment. “Both parties have had relationships/marriages and are well aware of what they want now in a personal connection. Although dating at these lovely ages may not have the same wildfire of that in your 20s and 30s (which can burn out quickly at times), meeting someone new and dating them can be just as exciting at a later age as it was when you were much younger.” However, she adds that a lot depends on your positive attitude, youthful spirit and health as to whether later dating works for you. First date jitters affect everyone One thing that affects singles, no matter their age, is a feeling of nervousness when meeting someone for the first time, particularly on a first date! It can be an intimidating experience, particularly if you haven’t done this in a good 20 to 30 years. The best way forward is to leave your expectations at the door and simply enjoy the experience of meeting and learning about a new person when on your date. Relax, enjoy yourself, learn about the other person and ask questions. “Most people are nervous at that first meeting and often trying too hard to impress. It usually eases on the second date and contrary to most opinions “chemistry” is not necessarily there immediately – it can grow.” If you don’t feel like it’s a good match from the get-go, however, when the time comes politely exit. Always treat people how you would like to be treated in similar circumstances. Winning conversation Whether you’re on a first date or not, there are a few topics you should steer clear of when meeting a person for the first time. It’s generally agreed that religion and politics are no-go zones, since these subjects are too inflammatory and divisive, and certain to make sure there isn’t another date. “I always tell people to not pour out all of their previous problems with their dates, marriages or relationships on the first date, especially any horror stories of your last ex. A person wants to know a little about you and who you are but not your complete life history and all of your life’s disappointments. “Keep it light and basically informative, discuss subjects such as music, books, movies, your travels, food and wine, hobbies, and you can also find out whether you have interests in common which is important.” It’s a digital world The dating game has changed quite a bit over the years, mostly with the arrival of the internet. Meeting someone online through a dating website has become one of the most popular ways where people are now searching for Mr or Mrs Right, particularly singles in their 50s and 60s. “There’s no question that online dating has become the most popular way of meeting someone when you’re over 60. The biggest growing demographic for online dating sites are people 50-plus. “It’s because it can be done from the comfort of your home, there’s some controllable privacy and anonymity to it which older people find reassuring and protective, and it’s the only way to meet hundreds, if not thousands, of other singles in your age group who you would never meet in everyday life – all at the click of a key.” Valerie warns that while there are genuine people looking for love online, you may unfortunately come across others who are not so genuine. Be cautious and if in doubt, ask a friend or family member for advice. While online dating is one great way to meet a partner, other options include through mutual friends, volunteering, joining clubs and groups, taking classes and basically, just getting out and mingling with people. “You’ll never meet someone sitting at home.” Be informed about the new world For those looking to start meeting new people and go on dates, the best way to prepare yourself is to learn as much about the new world of dating as you can. Read books, ask friends (even talk to your children if they’re dating!), do some research and get yourself ready both emotionally and physically. “Always remember you have been through a lot in your life and dating isn’t life threatening after all! Make up your mind that you’re going to enjoy it and enjoy the people you meet, whether or not they are Mr or Mrs Right or someone who fits your long list of requirements. “The people you meet are also probably nervous, just like you, and also looking for someone they might like, can get along with, possibly fall in love with and maybe share their life with or maybe just to share some good times!”

Relationships

A dating coach’s guide to making a lasting impression with that special someone

Monica Parikh is a lawyer, writer, and dating coach. She started the <a href="http://www.schooloflovenyc.com" target="_blank" rel="noopener">School of Love in New York City</a> to help men and women develop happier and healthier relationships. When my ex-husband disappeared, I unexpectedly got divorced at 36 years old. I went back on the dating market--after a 10-year hiatus. Flirting was the best tool in my arsenal (besides an optimistic attitude). Before long, I was meeting men in all sorts of places—the subway, elevators, the gym, and airports. In my coaching practice, I often see women and men who have forgotten how to flirt. Oh, the pity! Flirting adds spicy intrigue to the mundane. If you’re single, it’s a wonderful way to signal availability and interest. If you’re in a relationship, it helps maintain spark and fuels passion. A little simple flirting says to the world, “I’m alive!” Flirtation is simply the art of conversation amped up a notch. I’ve always been a good flirt, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become a better—mostly because I’ve grown in confidence and self-esteem. A few key tips: 1. Radiate strength Naked selfies aren’t sexy. Neither is telling your life story on a first date. Real sexiness stems from the ability to tickle the imagination and create intrigue. Less exhibitionism, fewer words, and more confidence fuel desire. 2. Smile Smile big and often — it lights up your face and says that you’re approachable and warm. It is the green light that gives others confidence to approach you and start conversation. 3. Be playfully combative When we’re attracted to someone, we often veer toward being overly agreeable and conciliatory. Talk about throwing cold water on a spark! Being challenging, feisty, and a bit unpredictable (while still being nice) is very sexy. My partner and I often playfully spar with words. Intelligent banter makes for a very flirtatious (and fun) relationship. 4. Create an air of mystery When I was single, a stranger on an elevator once offered to walk me to the subway with his umbrella during a rainstorm. When we arrived, he asked for my number. I demurred, saying that I don’t talk to strangers. (Wink.) He offered his card. I took it but made no promises. He was handsome and charismatic, so I knew he was used to having women chase him. I waited several days (to build intrigue) and sent him a one-sentence email. He responded immediately, admitting that he checked his email constantly for word from me. Not knowing where the other person stands fuels desire. So, hold your cards close to your chest. 5. Laugh We’re all a little too serious. Take a ribbing. Give a ribbing. Laugh until your sides ache. Dating and romance are supposed to be fun, after all. 6. Tap into your feminine (or masculine) energy I have a serious job as a lawyer during the day, so I make deliberate efforts to tap into my softer side after work. I often go home, take a bath and change clothes before a date. I love jewel-colored dresses, red lipstick, and French perfume. This little ritual “washes” the 9-to-5 off me and helps me tap into a different energy/vibration. Each person’s formula is unique, but spend time figuring out the clothing, style, and rituals that bring about the most authentic and empowered you. 7. Ask questions Conversation with a stranger can be daunting. My advice? Show interest in your beloved’s work, hobbies, family, and interests. Sit back and relax while they open up. You will glean key insights. And I guarantee they will remember you as an amazing conversationalist while they have performed the bulk of the work. 8. Say a person's name — often My game changed for the better after reading Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. While technically not a dating book, it’s a wonderful guide on how to be a more engaging person. Carnegie says that someone's name is "to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” Pay attention when someone introduces themselves. Repeat their name back immediately. Sprinkle it throughout conversation. Be amazed at the result. 9. Show warmth Gently touching someone’s hand or back is a wonderful way to show interest. Be respectful of another person’s space. It’s not about draping yourself all over them (or being clingy), which is a big turn-off. It’s about small signals of interest, respectfully scattered here and there. 10. Be original Successful flirting is about being 100 percent you. Personally, I’m an extroverted nerd who loves the public library, backpacking through Asia, Wes Anderson films, and 1970's soul music. Don’t be afraid to stand out from the crowd. Accept that what makes you unique also makes you memorable. That is the most powerful vibrational frequency you can live in — and one that will surely attract an ideal partner. Images: Getty

Relationships

Dating 101: what to wear on a date

Dating and meeting new people are by no means all about looks and what you wear. However, not only will investing a little time in what you wear on a date make you look good, it will also make you feel good and put a positive spring in your step. Firstly, when pondering your outfit for a first date it’s worth keeping in mind that it’s always best to be on the smarter, slightly over-dressed side rather than under dressed. Presenting yourself well is worth it. If you turn up looking like you've just rolled out of bed, you're not likely to make a great first impression. And first impressions count. Here are some wardrobe pointers when deciding on what to wear on a first date: Set the scene One of the most important considerations to keep in mind when selecting an outfit for a date is, where are you going, what will you be doing and what are others there likely to be wearing. It is also worthwhile seeing if there’s a dress code for the venue. You can usually find this on the website for the place or by giving them a quick call. A successful date will come from you feeling comfortable, so it’s important you don’t look, or feel, out of place. For example, you don’t want to wear a suit to a casual, laid-back dinner spot. Or, don running shoes to a fancy restaurant or bar. Fitting in with your surroundings will make you feel comfortable and allow you to relax. Don’t make things more nerve-wracking than they already are. Confidence-boosting ensembles You’d be surprised just how powerful clothes can be in making you feel great. So opt for something you feel good in, as your outfit will impact how confident and natural you feel as well as your comfort levels while on a date. And this works both ways – you’ll want to ensure everything you opt for fits you well and isn’t uncomfortable. New shoes will give you blisters, a top a size too small will make you feel squeezed in, a woollen jumper could overheat your body – all of these things will show in your body language and mood. It’s a good idea to select something that you've worn before and you know makes you feel fantastic as well as attractive. Finishing touches The little finishing touches – like an accessory, a splash of perfume and looking fresh – are not be underestimated. If you’ve had a busy day and you’re going straight from one place to a date, take the time to freshen up – use deodorant, have a breath mint, spritz on a scent and tidy up your hair and outfit. Looking fresh and crisp will help impress your date, but furthermore, feeling fresh will energise you. Images: Getty

Beauty & Style

Is the secret to a happy relationship knowing when to shut up?

Conventional relationship wisdom says to speak your mind, and not to bottle anything up. That usually translates to talking (or shouting) it out with your spouse ‘til the wee hours of the night until the problem is solved or you both agree to disagree. But keeping silent may be the secret to a long-lasting relationship new research has revealed. A study in the Journal of Marriage and Family observed the interactions of 127 middle-aged and older couple, finding the longer couples had been together, the less willing they were to risk getting into heated arguments over petty matters. Instead, years of experience guided them to adopt “peacekeeping” strategies before arguments eventuated. This included changing the subject or “shutting up” when partners were angry or upset. This passive behaviour is traditionally believed to be damaging to relationships but psychologists are increasingly seeing it as the key to success for many unions. For older couples particularly who’ve had decades to air grievances such avoidance techniques were a successful way of keeping the peace. Researchers studied the 127 couples over a 13-year period by analysing recordings of couple’s discussions on sensitive topics such as the housework and finances. They were particularly interested in forms of communication known as “demand-withdraw pattern,” where one person makes demands and in response the other chooses to withdraw from the interaction. This form of communication typically leads to a complete withdrawal or further escalation of the fight, however, researchers noticed that the older the couple, both would successfully adopt these avoidance tactics. “It may be that both age and marital duration play a role in increased avoidance,” said the study’s lead author Dr Sarah Holley from San Francisco State University. Dr Holley explained that the older people were and the longer they had been married, the less importance they placed on “being right” (or arguing that they were right) and sought positive experiences instead. But it’s not to say the stereotype of “nagging wife, silent husband” is correct as researchers noted both men and women used these withdrawal tactics and similar patterns were found in a previous study between same-sex couples. Related links: <a href="../lifestyle/dating/2015/01/garden-saved-marriage/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Read one man’s story of how his garden saved his marriage</a> <a href="../lifestyle/dating/2014/08/whats-love-got-to-do-with-it/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Love can mean different things to different people</a> <a href="../lifestyle/dating/2014/08/budget-friendly-date-ideas/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Budget-friendly date ideas</a> Image credit: Shutterstock

Relationships

10 romantic lines from literature

It’s time to get sentimental with these lines about love from literature’s greatest authors. 1. “You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you.” – Persuasion by Jane Austen 2. “To love or have loved, that is enough. Ask nothing further. There is no other pearl to be found in the dark folds of life.” – Les Misérables by Victor Hugo 3. “Whatever the souls are made of, his and mine are same.” – Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte 4. “You and I, it’s as though we have been taught to kiss in heaven and sent down to earth together, to see if we know what we were taught.” – Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak 5. “When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are to become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No ... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away. Doesn't sound very exciting, does it? But it is!" – Captain Corelli's Mandolin by Louis de Bernières 6. “I have waited for this opportunity for more than half a century, to repeat to you once again my vow of eternal fidelity and everlasting love.” – Love In The Time Of Cholera by Gabriel García Márquez 7. “He stepped down, trying not to look long at her, as if she were the sun, yet he saw her, like the sun, even without looking.” – Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy 8. "All this gladness in life, all honest pride in doing my work in the world, all this keen sense of being, I owe to her!" And it doubles the gladness, it makes the pride glow, it sharpens the sense of existence till I hardly know if it is pain or pleasure, to think that I owe it to one - nay, you must, you shall hear" - said he, stepping forwards with stern determination - "to one whom I love, as I do not believe man ever loved woman before." – North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell 9. “You know what I am going to say. I love you. What other men may mean when they use that expression, I cannot tell; what I mean is, that I am under the influence of some tremendous attraction which I have resisted in vain, and which overmasters me. You could draw me to fire, you could draw me to water, you could draw me to the gallows, you could draw me to any death, you could draw me to anything I have most avoided, you could draw me to any exposure and disgrace. This and the confusion of my thoughts, so that I am fit for nothing, is what I mean by your being the ruin of me. But if you would return a favourable answer to my offer of myself in marriage, you could draw me to any good - every good - with equal force.” – Our Mutual Friend by Charles Dickens 10. “It is better to love wisely, no doubt: but to love foolishly is better than not to be able to love at all.” – Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray Image credits: Getty Images

Books

93-year-old grandma shares her blunt dating advice with the world

A 93-year-old woman from the United States has reached viral heights on social media with her frank dating advice for singles around the world - particularly when it comes to which men she thinks it best to avoid. In a series she calls ‘Red Flags for Guys’, Lillian Droniak has educated - and entertained - her audiences, warning them off of everyone from those who won’t open doors to those who won’t provide regular compliments, don’t have soup on hand, and don’t like bingo. In a later entry, she expanded on her own list, declaring that those who lie about their height, those who are water signs, anyone with a name starting with the letter J, plays golf, and don’t like cats are major red flags in the romantic department. “If he doesn't like bingo, I don't date him because I love bingo,” she explained. “If he doesn't keep enough soup for me in the refrigerator. I always like soup and eat soup … if he doesn't call me pretty all the time, I don't want anything to do with him.” <div class="embed" style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; outline: none !important;"><iframe class="embedly-embed" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; border-style: initial; vertical-align: baseline; width: 620.262px; max-width: 100%; outline: none !important;" title="tiktok embed" src="https://cdn.embedly.com/widgets/media.html?src=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2Fembed%2Fv2%2F7187092528930327850&display_name=tiktok&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2F%40grandma_droniak%2Fvideo%2F7187092528930327850%3Flang%3Den&image=https%3A%2F%2Fp16-sign.tiktokcdn-us.com%2Fobj%2Ftos-useast5-p-0068-tx%2F0185552c26ef45e9a4155e25fdc88e95_1673375409%3Fx-expires%3D1680606000%26x-signature%3D2Bbvh8va4bNkeTSlql8fJ3xRfnU%253D&key=59e3ae3acaa649a5a98672932445e203&type=text%2Fhtml&schema=tiktok" width="340" height="700" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></div> As Lillian told Good Morning America of her decision to launch her account, she gives her advice because she’s already been through it, and that the next generation “are maybe too young to think about it. “I was bashful when I was young. And now I’m too much trouble sometimes.” And while Lillian is happy to dish out her advice, it isn’t without some personal experience. The grandmother has also been open with her followers about her own journey back into the realm of dating, even sharing a clip of her preparing for an upcoming date after 25 years without embarking on one. “My first date in 25 years and he's going to pick me up in 20 minutes,” she said. “I'm getting nervous now. I met him at bingo and that's the way it goes. “He's really handsome and I couldn't say no ... I might kiss him, you never know but I'm going to still put lipstick on just in case.” "If he doesn't like it, he could leave,” she explained, after showcasing her outfit for the camera, “all I want is a free dinner. “I'm not even going to bring my wallet or my purse. I'll let you know how it goes.” <div class="embed" style="font-size: 16px; box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; outline: none !important;"><iframe class="embedly-embed" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; border-style: initial; vertical-align: baseline; width: 620.262px; max-width: 100%; outline: none !important;" title="tiktok embed" src="https://cdn.embedly.com/widgets/media.html?src=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2Fembed%2Fv2%2F7197847511887858986&display_name=tiktok&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tiktok.com%2F%40grandma_droniak%2Fvideo%2F7197847511887858986%3Flang%3Den&image=https%3A%2F%2Fp16-sign.tiktokcdn-us.com%2Fobj%2Ftos-useast5-p-0068-tx%2F3958e1d1760c44539a23ef404b267a18_1675879484%3Fx-expires%3D1680606000%26x-signature%3DkHJqxjdpR2WgDEE6KGU%252FWFxlSWw%253D&key=59e3ae3acaa649a5a98672932445e203&type=text%2Fhtml&schema=tiktok" width="340" height="700" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen"></iframe></div> Unfortunately, it wasn’t destined to work out for Lillian and her would-be partner, as she later returned to inform everyone that she “just got back from my date and it was no good. “He didn't even look at my outfit and say that it looks pretty. He was rude to the waiter, he was just a rude person. He didn't even hold the door for me like a gentleman should. “Bottom line he wasn't a gentleman, not my type. And he was shorter than me.” Images: TikTok

Relationships

Rebel Wilson’s criminal save

While Rebel Wilson has found her forever love with designer Ramona Agruma, it took overcoming a few bumps in the dating road to get there. Speaking on the U Up? podcast, the Pitch Perfect star revealed one of the more notable dating near-disasters she experienced, and how it was her castmates who saved her. “I did go out with one guy I nicknamed ‘The Criminal’,” she told hosts Jordana Abraham and Jared Freid. “I think he was like a legit criminal. Basically, the Pitch Perfect girls saved me from that one.” She went on to explain that her co-stars had managed to find out “some s**t on the internet” about the guy, and warned her to steer clear of the man. She had, apparently, met him on the set of another production. Suspicion arose for them when the man agreed to come to New York to spend the weekend with Rebel, but refused to share the details of his flight with her. Upon pressing him for an explanation, the man confessed that he was not allowed to fly across state lines as he was “under investigation”. And while the relationship had been a “casual thing, so I [Rebel] didn’t get too deep into that situation”, she added that she felt the need to let him down “easy” as she didn’t want to put herself at risk with an alleged criminal. It wasn’t the only story that Rebel chose to share during her appearance, with the 43-year-old also opening up about how she’d actually been “dumped” by a woman before crossing paths with fiancée Ramona Agruma - with whom she shares daughter Royce Lillian. “I met a woman and had, like, feelings for her, which totally came as a blindside,” Rebel admitted. “It wasn’t what I was expecting.” “I said the words, ‘I don’t want to offend you, but are you interested in women?’ “I’ve never had a conversation like that [before] because I was dating dudes and never had to talk about sexuality. “She was like, ‘I have feelings for you as well’.” She noted that it was difficult for her to put her feelings into words, but that time they had together was “very important” to her, and that she wouldn’t be naming her partner out of respect. Things obviously “didn’t end up going anywhere”, but the relationship helped her open up to her sexuality, and she met Ramona soon after. And the rest, as they say, is romantic history. Images: Getty

Relationships

Woman matches with brother on dating app

A woman who took the plunge and dived back into the world of dating apps, despite a series of negative experiences, has been left in shock after an unexpected match. Dani, who was using the dating app Hinge - “the app that’s designed to be deleted” - took to TikTok to share her story, telling followers she re-downloaded the app and told herself "let's get back into this.” "And I could vomit at who my most compatible was," she said before revealing a bizarre match. "So this is my brother," she explained, panning the camera back to show her brother Jordan’s profile on Hinge. "Super cute right? Yeah. It runs in the family.” Dani explained that Hinge matched her with her brother due to their “compatibility”. "I don't know if he is the one for me. I mean I guess we are compatible in the sense we share the same parents and shelter growing up and like blood and DNA and all those fun things. "Hinge was really saying to me, 'Girl, I know more for you. We're done with you. Here's your brother. Why don't you try this one out.” At the end of her video, she recommended her brother as a match to any unrelated singles. "While I go pick up my vomit that's on the floor from this, my brother's single, if any ladies out there are interested, just let me know.” The video amused fellow TikTokers, gaining a lot of traction with over 373,000 views. "Most compatible for a blood transfusion maybe," one wrote. "LMAO even Hinge was like girl there's nothing out there, have you tried your family," said another. Image credit: TikTok

Family & Pets

Body language expert reveals three major turn off signs

In the age of online dating and social distancing, many have fallen out of practise with the art of reading body language. But have no fear, whether you’re brand new to the world of dating or dipping your toes back in, an expert in the matter has shared her tips and tricks on how to tell you’re giving someone the ‘ick’. Professional counsellor and psychotherapist Adrianne Carter took to her <a href="https://www.tiktok.com/@adriannefacewhisperer?lang=en" target="_blank" rel="noopener">popular TikTok account</a> - where she regularly shares such advice - to teach her audience what she believed would best help them in their pursuit of love, and in avoiding an uninterested other half. Adrianne launched into her all important list by informing listeners that the first sign someone can show they aren’t interested is by creating distance. She explained how they might simply lean away, or even move something - like a menu on a dinner date - to create a physical barrier. “A really simple rule for dates,” she said, “is when someone is leaning in, getting closer to you, it’s probably going well.” Next up, and perhaps one of the most obvious signs that many will miss, is their facial expression. “Generally when someone is giving you the ick you will be scrunching up your nose slightly,” Adrianne explained. “When someone doesn’t like someone or has the ick, you will see that nose wrinkling in disgust. “There will be lots of those expressions, but short flashes of them, it won’t be obvious, but if you look for the signs they will be there.” And circling back to her first point, she added, “when we are interested in someone, we lean in. If someone doesn’t like you, or doesn’t fancy you, they are more likely to make more space between you and them.” “Use it as a warning from your body,” she advised. “If I lean back I am not interested in them - your body will always tell you.” Adrianne’s third sign comes in the form of eye contact. “Creating lasting eye contact is important,” she stated, before noting that it’s equally as important not to give too much, and people should be aiming for anywhere between 60 to 70 per cent. “If you do more that can become too intense and aggressive,” was her reason. “It comes across a bit needy like you are waiting for a reaction.” On a related note, she mentioned that prospective daters are likely to try their hand at ‘peacocking’, participating in the act of wearing or doing something extravagant in a bid to be noticed. Something like playing with your hair, or rolling up your sleeves, can be a sure sign that you’re trying to grab someone’s attention, and vice versa. Another move someone might pull to let you know they’d like a second date? The “eyebrow flash”, as Adrianne calls it. “If you want to know if someone likes you and they’re not giving you constant eye contact, watch for this,” she said. “A double eye flash is where someone looks away, looks again and looks again. It is very revealing, it means the person is interested.” She noted that this last manoeuvre isn’t limited just to dating, with people likely to see it in all areas of their life to demonstrate interest, and that like all good things, it should be accompanied with a smile. Images: Getty

Relationships

Robert Irwin "dating" Heath Ledger's niece

Robert Irwin is reportedly dating Heath Ledger's niece after the pair were spotted on a romantic outing. The 18-year-old wildlife warrior was seen with Scarlett Buckley, also 18, as the pair were pictured enjoying a sunset stroll in Queensland earlier this month. In photos published by <a href="https://www.newidea.com.au/robert-irwins-girlfriend">New Idea</a><a href="https://www.newidea.com.au/robert-irwins-girlfriend"> magazine</a>, the two are seen smiling at each other after picking up takeaway for a picnic on the beach. At one point, according to the publication, Robert pulled Scarlett in for a hug as the sun went down. While neither have spoken publicly about their blossoming new romance, Robert has been conspicuously following Scarlett's private Instagram account for some time. Scarlett – who has an identical twin sister, Rorie – is the daughter of Heath Ledger’s sister Kate, who runs a design and media productions company. Robert and Scarlett have plenty in common, as they both grew up in the public eye after suffering the devastating loss of a family member. Heath Ledger was at the top of his Hollywood career when he was found dead in January 2008 following an accidental prescription drug overdose. Kate has been vocal about keeping her late brother’s legacy alive, creating the Heath Ledger Scholarship for promising young Australian actors. Speaking to Who magazine in 2018, she said the Dark Knight actor is “hugely important” in the lives of her children. “There’s not a day that goes by that we don’t share stories or talk about him. He is very much alive in our house.” Image credits: Getty Images / Instagram

Relationships

The real qualities to look for in love

You know the feeling when you meet someone special – that spark of attraction, the instant passion and the buzzing chemistry? It is an amazing feeling but how do you distinguish between that feeling of attraction and the one of love? It’s one of the trickiest questions around because often what attracts us does not necessarily lead to an enduring relationship. While we all have personal qualities we seek in a life partner, there are a few qualities everyone should seek in a potential partner for life. Honesty Honesty is the key to trust between any two people. Trust builds a strong, healthy and long-lasting relationship. Dishonesty and deception tears relationships apart so seek a partner who is honest, where what they say is what they do. Someone who acts with integrity is someone you know you can rely on. Respectful Even if you have separate interests and opinions (which most couples do), your partner should not only respect it but support it. You want someone who is respectful of your desires and needs even if they do not necessarily agree. A life partner is not someone who tries to control you, your behaviour or your actions. They value and respect you for who you are. Openness When you are in a loving relationships, both people can be completely open and willing to be vulnerable. You should be comfortable with sharing everything with your partner and not be afraid of being judged. Both of you will be open to talking about yourself, the other person and the good (and bad) parts of the relationship. Supportive Your love should be the person who builds you up, not tears you down. They nurture you when you’re at your most vulnerable and support you at your strongest. There is no jealousy, there is no competition and there is no trying to outdo each other. You want the best for one another, always. Affectionate Someone who truly loves you will not be afraid to show you. This doesn’t mean grand romantic gesture or PDA (public displays of affection) – it just means they show you in their personal way how much they love you. They are completely open to giving and receiving affection. Image: Getty

Relationships

10 reasons we miss old-school dating

There’s no question about it: the dating rulebook has changed dramatically over the last few decades. Sometimes it’s for the better (online dating, for example) but sometimes we can’t help thinking we may have lost some good “old-fashioned” dating habits. These are just 10 reasons we miss old-school dating. 1. Walking to the door These days no one bats an eyelid when someone calls or texts to say “I’m outside”, but remember when the man would get out of the car, knock on the door and walk his date to the car? Picking up your date from their door (and dropping them off!) gives a date a sense of occasion. 2. Bringing flowers A bouquet of flowers or other tokens of affection lets your special someone know how much you care and appreciate them. 3. Dressing up Courting is no longer the formal occasion it once was so there’s no need for tuxes and gowns but when you put time and effort into your appearance, it tells the other person you believe the date is special. 4. Slow dancing We might not be in Jane Austen’s time of formal balls with set dances but there is something truly romantic about being whisked off your feet for a slow dance. Perhaps it’s the feeling of intimacy as you gaze into each other’s eyes? 5. Opening doors Opening doors (especially the car) was once an indicator of a chivalrous man. Of course, women can open their own doors but the little gesture is nice, respectful and caring. 6. “Going steady” Dating these days seems like a lot waste time spent wondering whether the relationship is serious or not. Back then you just asked someone to “go steady” and you both were on the same page. Wouldn’t it be great to go back to the days of clarity? 7. Love letters Receiving a handwritten love note or poem (which you can keep and treasure) is a lost art form. A romantic email, or text, just does not have the same ring to it. 8. No distractions Our smartphones are great devices for making life easier but not so much when we’re on a date. There is nothing worse than sitting idly while somebody is checking their phone. Back when there was no mobiles, you would actually have to concentrate and talk to the person you were with! 9. Asking permission Being polite and asking for permission for anything – when you should call, when you can see them next, if you can kiss them – seems to be lost in the modern dating world. 10. Offering to pay This is a contentious issue but there’s no arguing it’s a nice gesture when gentleman offer to pay on a date. It doesn’t mean the man should always pay or ladies can’t pick up the bill, but on a first date it says you are looking to impress. Image credits: Getty Images

Relationships

Man ditches date without a word

A French actor has confessed to leaving his date without saying a word after she said she doesn’t eat gluten or drink wine. Renan Pacheco went out with a woman named Kimberely in Los Angeles who then proceeded to shock him from the beginning of what should have been a lovely dinner. “I arrive at the restaurant, first of all her name’s Kimberley, it’s not my favourite name but it’s fine, she’s pretty, so we sit down and we take the menu and she looks me in the eyes and she tells me doesn’t eat gluten,” he said in a TikTok video. “You don’t eat gluten? But how can you not eat gluten? “Gluten is my life, Kimberley. Gluten is croissant, gluten is baguette, how can you not eat gluten? “So I’m starting to be confused, I’m not going to lie.” Renan wanted to calm down after what he had heard and proceeded to order a glass of wine before he was shocked again when Kimberely confessed to not drinking. “How can you not drink alcohol in your life, Kimberley?” he questioned. “Alcohol is joy … so I’m sorry, I’m sorry if I left. I left the restaurant without saying goodbye. “I couldn’t stay there. I’m sorry, but I couldn’t have a love relationship with someone who doesn’t eat gluten and doesn’t drink wine. I’m sorry, Kimberley.” Viewers were left questioning the date and said Renan did the right thing of leaving. “I can understand [not eating] gluten but alcohol … no, no, no … red flag,” someone wrote. “I’m probably gluten intolerant just like I’m lactose [intolerant] but I eat it anyway because you’re right … it’s life,” another commented. “And then she says she’s lactose intolerant and don’t eat cheese,” someone else commented. Images: TikTok

Relationships

Romance movies the key to a lasting relationship

One of the longest-running arguments between man and woman is what film to watch come movie night? Will it be the women’s preferred “rom-com” or “chick-flick” or the man’s choice which is usually “any other movie”? But there may be another reason for watching a good romance film – other than the sometimes much needed cry when all seems lost for our on-screen couples – a new study from the University of Rochester in the USA has found that watching romance movies can help real-life relationships. The three-year study, which observed 174 couples, compared different types of marriage intervention programs such as relationship counselling but found the cheap, fun and simple “movie-and-talk” approach was just as effective as intensive and expensive therapy options, cutting the divorce rate in half. “We thought the movie treatment would help, but not nearly as much as the other programs in which we were teaching all of these state-of-the-art skills,” said lead researcher and associate professor of psychology at the University of Rochester, Dr Ronald Rogge. Couples attended a 10-minute lecture on the importance of relationship awareness and how watching relationships in movies would help them pay attention to their own behaviour in a relationship, whether constructive or destructive. Then couples watched the move Two for the Road, a 1967 rom-com about the joys and strain of love over 12 years of a marriage. Afterwards, each couple met separately to discuss a list of 12 questions about the screen couple's interactions. Then each couple was sent home and instructed to watch a romantic film from a list once a week for the next month. The movies that were chosen all featured intimate relationships as a major focus, with highs and lows, as opposed to “falling in love” movies like When Harry Met Sally. Films like Gone with the Wind, Terms of Endearment, The Way We Were, Date Night and The Notebook were watched and couples were asked to have a similar discussion about the movie. The results were surprising with researchers finding the divorce-and-separation rate was halved from 24 per cent among the couples in the control group to 11 per cent. Couples in the control group received no training or instructions but were otherwise similar in age, education and relationship satisfaction. “The results suggest that husbands and wives have a pretty good sense of what they might be doing right and wrong in their relationships. Thus, you might not need to teach them a whole lot of skills to cut the divorce rate,” said Dr Rogge, continuing, “You might just need to get them to think about how they are currently behaving. And for five movies to give us a benefit over three years-that is awesome.” Dr Rogge is pleased that the “movie-and-talk” approach has proved effective. “I think it's the couples reinvesting in their relationship and taking a cold hard look at their own behaviour that makes the difference. The sad truth is that when life knocks you down, you come home and the people you are most likely to lash out at in frustration are the ones you love the most,” he said, adding, “for these couples to stop and look and say, 'You know, I have yelled at you like that before. I have called you names before and that's not nice. That's not what I want to do to the person I love the most.' Just that insight alone, is likely what makes this intervention work.” “You might not be able to get your husband into a couples group, especially when you are happy. But watching a movie together and having a discussion, that's not so scary. It's less pathologising, less stigmatising,” he said. Image: Shutterstock

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