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Why it's never too late to start dating

<p>Thinking about getting back into the dating game? It’s a new world out there and going on a date has changed. Here’s what you need to know.</p> <p>Whether you’re looking for love and companionship in your 20s and 30s or your 60s and 70s, dating is a universal experience that remains timeless. You’re never too old to meet someone new, rendezvous for a dinner and a movie, and possibly have something develop into a relationship. It’s just the act of “going on a date” that can change over the decades.</p> <p>If you’re looking to get back into the dating game but aren’t sure what to expect, don’t worry because you’re not alone. Many singles in their 50s and 60s would like to find a companion to share their life with but aren’t sure how to go about dipping their toe back into the dating pool.</p> <p><a href="http://www.valeriegibson.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Valerie Gibson</a>, US-based dating and relationship expert and author of <em>The Later Dater</em>, says dating again doesn’t have to be scary, it’s what you make of it. “Most people just want to have someone in their life who loves them, cares about them, is supportive, fun to be with, interesting to talk to and shares their goals,” she says.</p> <p>“That’s what dating is all about – the search to hopefully find someone with whom you can joyfully and happily spend your later years. You may not find them right away, but the journey through dating while you’re searching can be fun and exciting, and make ageing a fascinating adventure.” With that in mind, here are some tips from Valerie Gibson to get you comfortable with the idea of dating at any age.</p> <p><strong>Dating later</strong><br />While dating is a universal and timeless experience for everyone, it can be different depending on your age. In your 20s and 30s, dating is young, passionate, romantic, and carries the prospect of a long-term relationship leading to marriage.</p> <p>“The pleasure of dating in your later years is that dating is a little more low-key and less energetic, but can be much more meaningful and have a lot of depth and satisfaction, and often a lot of commitment.</p> <p>“Both parties have had relationships/marriages and are well aware of what they want now in a personal connection. Although dating at these lovely ages may not have the same wildfire of that in your 20s and 30s (which can burn out quickly at times), meeting someone new and dating them can be just as exciting at a later age as it was when you were much younger.” However, she adds that a lot depends on your positive attitude, youthful spirit and health as to whether later dating works for you.</p> <p><strong>First date jitters affect everyone</strong><br />One thing that affects singles, no matter their age, is a feeling of nervousness when meeting someone for the first time, particularly on a first date! It can be an intimidating experience, particularly if you haven’t done this in a good 20 to 30 years.</p> <p>The best way forward is to leave your expectations at the door and simply enjoy the experience of meeting and learning about a new person when on your date. Relax, enjoy yourself, learn about the other person and ask questions.</p> <p>“Most people are nervous at that first meeting and often trying too hard to impress. It usually eases on the second date and contrary to most opinions “chemistry” is not necessarily there immediately – it can grow.” If you don’t feel like it’s a good match from the get-go, however, when the time comes politely exit. Always treat people how you would like to be treated in similar circumstances.</p> <p><strong>Winning conversation</strong></p> <p>Whether you’re on a first date or not, there are a few topics you should steer clear of when meeting a person for the first time. It’s generally agreed that religion and politics are no-go zones, since these subjects are too inflammatory and divisive, and certain to make sure there isn’t another date.</p> <p>“I always tell people to not pour out all of their previous problems with their dates, marriages or relationships on the first date, especially any horror stories of your last ex. A person wants to know a little about you and who you are but not your complete life history and all of your life’s disappointments.</p> <p>“Keep it light and basically informative, discuss subjects such as music, books, movies, your travels, food and wine, hobbies, and you can also find out whether you have interests in common which is important.”</p> <p><strong>It’s a digital world</strong></p> <p>The dating game has changed quite a bit over the years, mostly with the arrival of the internet. Meeting someone online through a dating website has become one of the most popular ways where people are now searching for Mr or Mrs Right, particularly singles in their 50s and 60s.</p> <p>“There’s no question that online dating has become the most popular way of meeting someone when you’re over 60. The biggest growing demographic for online dating sites are people 50-plus.</p> <p>“It’s because it can be done from the comfort of your home, there’s some controllable privacy and anonymity to it which older people find reassuring and protective, and it’s the only way to meet hundreds, if not thousands, of other singles in your age group who you would never meet in everyday life – all at the click of a key.”</p> <p>Valerie warns that while there are genuine people looking for love online, you may unfortunately come across others who are not so genuine. Be cautious and if in doubt, ask a friend or family member for advice.</p> <p>While online dating is one great way to meet a partner, other options include through mutual friends, volunteering, joining clubs and groups, taking classes and basically, just getting out and mingling with people. “You’ll never meet someone sitting at home.”</p> <p><strong>Be informed about the new world</strong><br />For those looking to start meeting new people and go on dates, the best way to prepare yourself is to learn as much about the new world of dating as you can. Read books, ask friends (even talk to your children if they’re dating!), do some research and get yourself ready both emotionally and physically.</p> <p>“Always remember you have been through a lot in your life and dating isn’t life threatening after all! Make up your mind that you’re going to enjoy it and enjoy the people you meet, whether or not they are Mr or Mrs Right or someone who fits your long list of requirements.</p> <p>“The people you meet are also probably nervous, just like you, and also looking for someone they might like, can get along with, possibly fall in love with and maybe share their life with or maybe just to share some good times!”</p>

Relationships

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When pets are family, the benefits extend into society

<p>There is a growing global trend to consider pets as part of the family. In fact, millions of people around the world love their pets, enjoying their companionship, going for walks, playing and even talking to them. And there is evidence suggesting that attachment to pets is good for human health and even helps build community.</p> <p>More and more often, animals are included in family events and become important to all members of the family. This can be particularly significant in single-parent families, where <a href="https://doi.org/10.1046/j.1365-2214.2001.00202.x" target="_blank" rel="noopener">a pet can be an important companion to children</a>. Children with pets may have higher levels of <a href="https://doi.org/10.2752/089279306785593801" target="_blank" rel="noopener">empathy</a> and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1545-5300.2009.01296.x" target="_blank" rel="noopener">self-esteem</a> compared to those who do not have pets. Thinking of pets as family members can actually make the chores associated with pet care less stressful than they are for those who consider pets as property. Spending more time caring for a pet increases attachment to that animal which in turn <a href="https://doi.org/10.1080/08927936.2018.1505269" target="_blank" rel="noopener">reduces stress in owners</a>.</p> <p>In the research my colleagues and I have done on <a href="https://www.mdpi.com/2308-3417/3/4/75/htm" target="_blank" rel="noopener">aging and social participation</a>, we found considerable analysis showing that interactions involving pets, especially if we care about them, can have a health-protective effect. Zooeyia (pronounced zoo-AY-uh) is the idea that pets, also known as companion animals, can be <a href="https://www.jabfm.org/content/28/4/526" target="_blank" rel="noopener">good for human health</a>. In fact, pet owners in Germany and Australia were found to <a href="https://doi.org/10.1007/s11205-005-5072-z" target="_blank" rel="noopener">visit their doctor 15 per cent fewer times annually than non-pet owners</a>.</p> <h2>Healthy, emotional connections</h2> <p>Many health benefits to humans occur when there is an emotional attachment to pets. And we tend to care the most for animals that live with us. For example, a study that looked at attachment to dogs found that people tended to <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.2752/089279306785415466" target="_blank" rel="noopener">care about their house dogs more than those that lived in the yard</a>. Higher levels of attachment to dogs has been associated with a greater likelihood of walking the dog and <a href="https://doi.org/10.1093/geront/gnw051" target="_blank" rel="noopener">spending more time on those walks as compared with those with a weaker bond to their dogs</a>.</p> <p>Sharing your life with a pet has been associated with a decreased risk of <a href="https://insights.ovid.com/crossref?an=00005792-201703310-00028" target="_blank" rel="noopener">coronary artery disease, a reduction in stress levels and increased physical activity (especially through dog walking)</a>. The presence of a pet during stressful activities has been shown to <a href="https://journals.lww.com/psychosomaticmedicine/Citation/1998/01000/SOCIAL_INTERACTION_AND_CARDIOVASCULAR_REACTIVITY.52.aspx" target="_blank" rel="noopener">lower the blood pressure of couples taking part in a stressful task</a>. In fact, <a href="http://europepmc.org/abstract/MED/12672376" target="_blank" rel="noopener">levels of beta-endorphin, oxytocin and dopamine, among other markers, increased in both humans and their dogs</a> during caring interactions, demonstrating that time spent together is physiologically beneficial for both species. And owning a pet has been associated with an <a href="https://doi.org/10.1097/HJH.0000000000001214" target="_blank" rel="noopener">improved cardiovascular disease survival among older adults (aged 65 to 84 years old) being treated for hypertension</a>.</p> <h2>Pets as family and community members</h2> <p>Because pets are considered family members by many people, the loss of a dog or cat is often a cause for deep grief. A missing or dead pet is hard for many to replace because the relationship between the person and pet was specific to those individuals. The attachment between humans and animals is often so strong that it is common to <a href="https://doi.org/10.17744/mehc.26.3.udj040fw2gj75lqp" target="_blank" rel="noopener">mourn in a way that is very similar to the feelings and behaviours associated with the loss of a human family member</a>.</p> <p>The bond between humans and animals is not just good for human health, it can also help <a href="https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0122085" target="_blank" rel="noopener">build community</a>. People with pets often find that <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.socscimed.2005.01.017" target="_blank" rel="noopener">activities with their companion animal creates connections with other people</a>. Social networks that are developed based on shared concern over the welfare of animals can lead to increased human-human interaction, as well as activities involving pets (e.g. dog-walking clubs). Walking a dog gets people out of private spaces, which can be isolating, and <a href="https://doi.org/10.3122/jabfm.2015.04.140254" target="_blank" rel="noopener">into public areas where interactions with neighbors and other walkers are possible</a>.</p> <h2>Protecting pets</h2> <p>Societies create laws and institutions to protect companion animals from cruelty and neglect. In most jurisdictions, regulation of shelters and pounds has not evolved to reflect the beloved status of many pets, and instead consider pets as property. If a lost pet is not reunited with an owner within a few days it can be <a href="https://www.ontario.ca/laws/statute/90a22" target="_blank" rel="noopener">sold to a new family, to a research lab, or be euthanized</a>. However, some countries, such as <a href="https://helpanimalsindia.org/news/library/saving-indias-street-dogs-from-abc-to-arv" target="_blank" rel="noopener">India</a>, <a href="http://dx.doi.org/10.4415/ann_12_01_16" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Italy</a> and <a href="https://eng.coa.gov.tw/theme_data.php?theme=eng_news&amp;id=481" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Taiwan</a> have legislated against the euthanasia of healthy shelter animals.</p> <p>But in North America euthanasia is still common. In 2017, Humane Canada found that among the shelters they surveyed, <a href="https://d3n8a8pro7vhmx.cloudfront.net/cfhs/pages/427/attachments/original/1542135547/Humane_Canada_-_2017_Shelter_Statistics_-_FINAL.pdf?1542135547" target="_blank" rel="noopener">over 70 per cent of lost dogs and cats were unclaimed, and tens of thousands of dogs and cats were euthanized</a>. In 2016, <a href="https://www.ccac.ca/en/facts-and-legislation/animal-data/annual-animal-data-reports.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">4,308,921 animals were experimented on</a> in Canadian laboratories. Approximately <a href="https://www.animalalliance.ca/campaigns/pets-research/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">17,000 were pet dogs and cats who were provided by shelters to research laboratories</a> and later euthanized.</p> <p>The strength of the human-animal bond has resulted in the creation of not-for-profit animal rescues whose mission is to ‘pull’ lost and abandoned animals from shelters before they are euthanized or sold for research. For example, <a href="http://marleyshope.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Marley’s Hope</a> is a Nova Scotia all-breed rescue organization. The organisation also partners with the Sipekne’katik First Nation to help <a href="https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/nova-scotia/sipekne-katik-first-nation-implementing-dog-population-control-program-1.3094215" target="_blank" rel="noopener">rehome roaming dogs as well as spay and neuter where possible</a>. The <a href="http://www.underdograilroadcanada.com/who-are-we.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Underdog Railroad</a> in Toronto, Ontario, rescues dogs and cats from high-kill shelters as well as those offered “free to a good home” online. And <a href="http://www.elderdog.ca/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Elderdog</a> provides older adults with help to care for their pets as well as rescuing abandoned older dogs.</p> <p>The <a href="http://www.hsi.org/world/canada/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Humane Society International — Canada</a> assists in <a href="http://www.hsi.org/world/canada/news/releases/2018/06/spay-neuter-la-romaine-060718.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">spay-neuter programs</a> as well as <a href="http://www.hsi.org/world/canada/work/endanimaltesting/qa/cosmetics_qa_canada.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">advocating for</a> and rescuing animals, including in the <a href="http://www.hsi.org/issues/dog_meat/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">international dog and cat meat industries</a>. They closed three South Korean dog meat farms and two slaughterhouses in 2018, rescuing 512 dogs, many of whom found homes in Canada and the USA.</p> <p>Mohandas Ghandi understood the importance of the human animal bond. In his autobiography he said “<a href="http://www.columbia.edu/itc/mealac/pritchett/00litlinks/gandhi/part1/117chapter.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener">man’s supremacy over the lower animals meant not that the former should prey upon the latter, but that the higher should protect the lower, and that there should be mutual aid between the two</a>.” Recognizing the ways that companion animals enrich human lives, and understanding the depth of the affection between many humans and animals, may be the key to not only better health, but to improving the welfare of society as a whole.</p> <p><em><strong>This article originally appeared on The Conversation.</strong></em></p> <p><em>Image: Shutterstock</em></p>

Family & Pets

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Companionship app for over-50s connects seniors

<p>A new “dating” app catering to the over-50 demographic has launched in Australia, with the emphasis on companionship rather than love.</p> <p><a href="http://www.stitch.net/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Stitch</span></strong></a> was created by Sydney-based entrepreneur Andrew Dowling after he was shocked to learn that <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/mind/2016/01/loneliness-twice-as-unhealthy-as-obesity/"><strong>loneliness causes more deaths than obesity among seniors</strong></a>.</span> He also understands that the older you get, the harder it can be to meet new people and spark up a friendship.</p> <p>“When you’re younger, you have opportunities to meet people like going to uni, having kids, then when you get to a certain age your friends start to move away, you retire, you get divorced,” says Dowling.</p> <p>Stitch aims to ease the process and helps seniors feel less lonely. As it says on their website, “We believe that there has got to be a better way to help mature adults find many different types of companionship they need. And we’re determined to build it for them.”</p> <p>The site, currently being trialled in Australia and the US, is free to sign-up. It’s not just for romantic relationships, Stitch’s goal is to find a companion for every aspect for life. So whether you’re looking for someone for travel, events and activities, love and romance or friendship, Stitch aims to help.</p> <p>All users must go through a verification process, with Stitch guaranteeing no scammers or con-artists on the site. You then enter their age – there’s even a 90-plus option – before choosing between looking for a romantic relationship or friendship. The next stage is writing down your hobbies and interests, which the Stitch team use to find them a suitable match.</p> <p><em>To find out more information, <a href="http://www.stitch.net/" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">visit the Stitch website here</span>.</strong></a></em></p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><em><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/relationships/2015/08/fighting-fair-in-love/">7 rules for fighting fair, according to science</a></span></strong></em></p> <p><em><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/relationships/2015/08/myths-about-relationships/">Top 5 myths about relationships</a></span></strong></em></p> <p><em><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/lifestyle/relationships/2016/01/essential-traits-of-good-friends/">The essential traits of good friends</a></span></strong></em></p>

Relationships