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Why is a messy house such an anxiety trigger for me and what can I do about it?

<p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/erika-penney-1416241">Erika Penney</a>, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-technology-sydney-936">University of Technology Sydney</a></em></p> <p>Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the sight of clutter and mess in your home? Have you walked in the door only to feel overloaded by scattered papers, unwashed dishes and clothes in disarray? Maybe you’ve even had arguments because it bothers you more than it bothers you partner or housemates.</p> <p>You’re not alone. Many people report a messy house can trigger feelings of <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0146167209352864">stress</a> and <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0272494421000062?via%3Dihub">anxiety</a>.</p> <p>So why do clutter and chaos make some of us feel so overwhelmed? Here’s what the research says – and what you can do about it.</p> <h2>Cognitive overload</h2> <p>When we’re surrounded by distractions, our brains essentially become <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21228167/">battlegrounds</a> for attention. Everything competes for our focus.</p> <p>But the brain, as it turns out, <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1994-43838-001">prefers</a> order and “<a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnhum.2015.00086/full%22%22">singletasking</a>” over multitasking.</p> <p>Order helps reduce the competition for our attention and reduces mental load. While some people might be better than others at <a href="https://www.pnas.org/doi/full/10.1073/pnas.1523471113">ignoring distractions</a>, distractable environments can overload our cognitive capabilities and memory.</p> <p>Clutter, disorder and mess can affect more than just our cognitive resources. They’re also linked to our <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23907542/">eating</a>, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0360132318307157?via=ihub">productivity</a>, mental health, <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1207/s15374424jccp3401_9">parenting</a> decisions and even our willingness to donate <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23907542/">money</a>.</p> <h2>Are women more affected than men?</h2> <p>Research suggests the detrimental effects of mess and clutter may be more pronounced in women than in men.</p> <p>One <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0146167209352864">study</a> of 60 dual-income couples found women living in cluttered and stressful homes had higher levels of cortisol (a <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19596045/#:%7E:text=After%2520controlling%2520for%2520the%2520individual,and%2520poor%2520self-rated%2520health.">hormone</a> associated with stress) and heightened depression symptoms.</p> <p>These effects remained consistent even when factors like marital satisfaction and personality traits were taken into account. In contrast, the men in this study seemed largely unaffected by the state of their home environments.</p> <p>The researchers theorised that women may feel a greater responsibility for maintaining the home. They also suggested the social aspect of the study (which involved giving home tours) may have induced more fear of judgement among women than men.</p> <p>We will all live with clutter and disorganisation to some degree in our lives. Sometimes, however, significant clutter problems can be linked to underlying mental health conditions such as <a href="https://beyondocd.org/information-for-individuals/symptoms/ocd-related-hoarding#:%7E:text=Examples%20of%20hoarding%20in%20the,are%20not%20needed%20any%20more">obsessive-compulsive disorder</a>, <a href="https://beyondocd.org/information-for-individuals/symptoms/ocd-related-hoarding#:%7E:text=Examples%20of%20hoarding%20in%20the,are%20not%20needed%20any%20more">hoarding disorder</a>, <a href="https://psychcentral.com/depression/messy-room-depression#does-it-exacerbate-symptoms">major depressive disorder</a>, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0005796704000531">attention deficit hyperactivity disorder</a>, and <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0887618510001647">anxiety disorders</a>.</p> <p>This raises a crucial question: which came first? For some, clutter is the source of anxiety and distress; for others, poor mental health is the source of disorganisation and clutter.</p> <h2>Not all mess is a problem</h2> <p>It’s important to remember clutter isn’t all bad, and we shouldn’t aim for perfection. Real homes don’t look like the ones in magazines.</p> <p>In fact, disorganised spaces can result in increased <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23907542/">creativity</a> and elicit fresh insights.</p> <p>Living in constant disorder isn’t productive, but striving for perfectionism in cleanliness can also be counterproductive. Perfectionism itself is associated with feeling overwhelmed, anxiety and <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28026869/">poor mental health</a>.</p> <h2>Mess makes me anxious so what can I do about it?</h2> <p>It’s important to remember you have some agency over what matters to you and how you want to prioritise your time.</p> <p>One approach is to try to reduce the clutter. You might, for example, have a dedicated de-cluttering session every week. This may involve hiring a cleaner (if you can afford it) or playing some music or a podcast while tidying up for an hour with your other household members.</p> <p>Establishing this routine can reduce clutter distractions, ease your overall mental load and alleviate worry that clutter will spiral out of control.</p> <p>You can also try micro-tidying. If don’t have time for a complete cleanup, commit just five minutes to clearing one small space.</p> <p>If the clutter is primarily caused by other household members, try to calmly discuss with them how this mess is affecting your mental health. See if your kids, your partner or housemates can negotiate some boundaries as a household over what level of mess is acceptable and how it will be handled if that threshold is exceeded.</p> <p>It can also help to develop a self-compassionate mindset.</p> <p>Mess doesn’t define whether you are a “good” or “bad” person and, at times, it may even stimulate your <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23907542/">creativity</a>. Remind yourself that you deserve success, meaningful relationships and happiness, whether or not your office, home or car is a mess.</p> <p>Take comfort in <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0013916516628178">research</a> suggesting that while disorganised environments can make us susceptible to stress and poor decision-making, your mindset can buffer you against these vulnerabilities.</p> <p>If clutter, perfectionism or anxiety has begun to seem unmanageable, talk with your GP about a referral to a <a href="https://psychology.org.au/psychology/about-psychology/what-is-psychology">psychologist</a>. The right psychologist (and you may need to try a few before you find the right one) can help you cultivate a life driven by values that are important to you.</p> <p>Clutter and mess are more than just visual nuisances. They can have a profound impact on mental wellbeing, productivity and our choices.</p> <p>Understanding why clutter affects you can empower you to take control of your mindset, your living spaces and, in turn, your life.<img style="border: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; margin: 0 !important; max-height: 1px !important; max-width: 1px !important; min-height: 1px !important; min-width: 1px !important; opacity: 0 !important; outline: none !important; padding: 0 !important;" src="https://counter.theconversation.com/content/211684/count.gif?distributor=republish-lightbox-basic" alt="The Conversation" width="1" height="1" /></p> <p><em><a href="https://theconversation.com/profiles/erika-penney-1416241">Erika Penney</a>, Lecturer in Clinical Psychology, <a href="https://theconversation.com/institutions/university-of-technology-sydney-936">University of Technology Sydney</a></em></p> <p><em>Image credits: Shutterstock</em></p> <p><em>This article is republished from <a href="https://theconversation.com">The Conversation</a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-is-a-messy-house-such-an-anxiety-trigger-for-me-and-what-can-i-do-about-it-211684">original article</a>.</em></p>

Mind

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Unbelievable: Man's messy response to in-flight meal

<p>Clearly not happy with the inflight meal he'd been served, this "entitled" passenger provoked widespread disbelief as to how he dealt with it.</p> <p>While most of us can’t even think of when we’ll be able to take a plane trip next, a man has behaved so badly on a plane trip there are calls on social media for him to be banned from flying.</p> <p>The man had just been served his inflight meal and he wasn’t happy with it so he dumped most of the food, the tray, utensils and rubbish in the aisle.</p> <p>A <a rel="noopener" href="mailto:https://www.reddit.com/" target="_blank">Reddit</a> user was sitting right behind the messy man on the flight so they took photos of the mess and then posted them on the social media site under the heading: “Man dumps his food into the aisle after he ate what he wants.”</p> <p><img style="width: 24px; height: 24px;" src="/nothing.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/620bbca921de44c1b2610625d1b077fe" /><img style="width: 500px; height: 500px;" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7843060/plane-passenger-rubbish-um.jpg" alt="" data-udi="umb://media/620bbca921de44c1b2610625d1b077fe" /></p> <p>Many readers were appalled by the man’s actions, with one saying it would have been a hazard if there’s been an emergency.</p> <p>“That’s literally an emergency hazard!” they wrote.</p> <p>“As someone who flies a lot, this makes me feel so angry. How can he be so entitled!?”</p> <p>Others thought he should be banned from flying, with one posting: “That should be an automatic add to the no-fly list.”</p> <p>Another added: “Unbelievable. That’s when you tap him on the shoulder and say, ‘Sir, I believe you dropped something’, or go with the nose-rub method.”</p> <p>In another post, the writer described the man as “trashy” and thought he must be a “nightmare” to deal with daily.</p> <p>They wrote: “Let’s forget for one moment how trashy this piece of s*** is and focus on his personality. Imagine working with him, imagine being the wife, imagine being a neighbour, or anybody who has to deal with him on a daily basis. What a f***ing nightmare of a f***ing attitude.”</p> <p><em>Image: Reddit</em></p>

Travel Trouble

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Game over: Kyrgios and Kalinskaya’s messy romance

<p>Nick Kyrgios’ relationship with Russian tennis star Anna Kalinskaya has reportedly ended on bad terms.</p> <p>Although the details surrounding their relationship is unknown, the two were spotted together at an Acapulco street stall in March, with Kyrgios kissing Kalinskaya on the forehead.</p> <p>Shortly after, the couple attended an NBA game in Los Angeles together.</p> <p>The Aussie was also seen cheering on the 21-year-old at the Citi Open in Washington last August.</p> <p>However, a series of cryptic Instagram posts from Kalinskaya suggests the couple’s recent break-up was not pleasant.</p> <p>The world No. 95 shared a black and white photo on her Instagram with the caption, “You’re not a bad boy, you are simply a bad person,” with most followers assuming the message was directed at Kyrgios.</p> <p>Hours later, she posted another snap with the caption, “F*** energy vampire,” but the picture was deleted soon after.</p> <p>Kalinskaya confirmed the break-up on Monday during an Instagram Q&amp;A, adding the two are no longer on speaking terms.</p> <p>“We broke up. We aren’t friends. I understand you are his friends and it’s cool but I’m not going to talk about him. Have some respect for me as well please,” Kalinskaya posted.</p> <p>Although they never confirmed they were dating, rumours of their on-and-off romance have been circulating for months.</p> <p>In December, Kalinskaya called Kygrios “Satan” after he commented on one of her social media posts.</p> <p>The 24-year-old Kyrgios previously dated Croatian-Australian tennis player Anya Tomljanovic, but they split in 2017.</p>

Relationships

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Why this mum’s photo of her messy house caused an uproar

<p>Do you ever see something online and think to yourself, “What compelled that person to share such a thing on the internet?”</p> <p>Well, that’s what thousands of forum users were left wondering after a mum shared a picture of her living room, asking if it was “a mess by your standards”.</p> <p><img width="500" height="375" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7816473/large-624774-f011a019-d54b-4a1e-a0ae-60ec7e5ee732_500x375.jpg" alt="Large -624774-f 011a 019-d 54b -4a 1e -a 0ae -60ec 7e 5ee 732" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"/></p> <p>“This is my living room. Now matter how much I tidy it, it always seems to end up at this point,” <a href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3192047-Is-my-living-room-a-mess-by-your-standards?messages=100&amp;pg=1" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Mumsnet user WildFeralLife wrote</span></strong></a>.</p> <p>“To me, it’s neither tidy nor messy. Similar to the rest of my house really! For some reason I can never get a totally spotless house! Ever!”</p> <p>Well, the response to her question was a resounding “yes”, and some people certainly didn’t hold back.</p> <p>“It’s a tip, and I say that as a disorganised person,” one forum user wrote, with another saying they “couldn’t relax” in such a messy room.</p> <p>Another took issue with the jacket hanging on the door, saying, “It’s giving me anxiety.”</p> <p>However, there were a few people out of the 522 commenters that stood up for WildFeralLife. One woman shared a photo of her own messy living room to cheer WildFeralLife up.</p> <p><img width="425" height="315" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7816474/large-973940-clutter.jpg" alt="Large -973940-clutter" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"/></p> <p>“It’s not a tip,” another woman said. “Anyway, I’m slightly creeped out by houses that look like a show home all the time. I like houses to be lived in, especially if there are children and pets there.”</p> <p>But the negative comments clearly got to WildFeralLife, who shared a follow-up image of the room all tidied up, adding that she “was a bit offended” at the backlash.</p> <p><img width="500" height="375" src="https://oversixtydev.blob.core.windows.net/media/7816475/large-750235-ea26111d-f51d-4601-844f-0ce522d7d681_500x375.jpg" alt="Large -750235-ea 26111d -f 51d -4601-844f -0ce 522d 7d 681" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"/></p> <p>It sure does look better, but we’re not sure what this woman was expecting. If you’re going to ask people on the internet for their opinions, you’d better prepare yourself to be inundated!</p>

Art

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Decluttering expert: “The worst things I’ve found in people’s homes”

<p>We all have our messy moments from time to time, but by and large, we know when it’s time for a good spring clean – as much as we may hate it. Now, imagine your little messy moments and multiply them by 100 – that’s what professional organiser Deanne Sharp has to deal with every day.</p> <p>As an expert on decluttering, she’s seen stuff that would make your skin crawl – mouldy food, toy slime and even a snake. Well, not quite. “It was a rubber snake that one boy had hidden in the laundry to scare his mum,” Sharp told <a href="http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/home/interiors/professional-organiser-deanne-sharp-clears-peoples-lives-of-clutter/news-story/6ea4f33e94ca344c8ae77dcd54624bc5" target="_blank"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">news.com.au</span></strong></a>. “I screamed very loudly – it did look real.”</p> <p>But aside from the odd occupational “hazard", the 46-year-old Sydney mum says her job brings her great satisfaction.</p> <p>“For some clients, when they see the job done, I can see it’s like a weight has lifted off their shoulders. I often get hugs and even follow-up texts from clients saying they can’t stop opening the cupboards to admire my work."</p> <p>But if you thought women were worse at throwing stuff away, think again. “Men can be worse than women for not letting things go,” Sharp said.</p> <p>“If something has sentimental value then of course keep it, but get rid of it if it’s just going to sit there taking up space. Decluttering is all about throwing things away you don’t love or enjoy.”</p> <p>So, what can we mere mortals learn from the queen of clean? Here are some of her top tips.</p> <ol> <li><strong>With kids, make tidying fun and easy </strong>– “Turn it into a game, put a song on and make sure it’s easy for them to help by storing toys in easy to reach boxes so they can just put them in."</li> <li><strong>Start them young</strong> – “Kids can help clear up their toys from when they’re very little, as young as two and a half.”</li> <li><strong>Plan, plan, plan </strong>– Sharp swears by her family planner, which outlines all the week's activities, meals and events. She plans all meals on Sunday, orders the groceries online then picks them up the next day. “I find going to the supermarket a waste of time and I spend more too.”</li> </ol> <p><em>Image credit: Free Time 4 Me Time.</em></p>

Home & Garden

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The life-changing magic of making a mess

<p>We're programmed from childhood to tidy our rooms, make our beds, keep our desks and our schoolbags neatly packed. Tidiness and organisation, we're told, reflects a calm and organised mind, allowing us to be more efficient, more productive, less stressed.</p> <p>But is this really the case, or, as author of new book M<em>essy: How to be Creative and Resilient in a Tidy-minded World</em> Tim Harford argues, can being messy be of far more benefit than we think?</p> <p>The trouble with tidiness is that, in excess, it becomes rigid, fragile and sterile. Harford's approach reveals how qualities like creativity, resilience and responsiveness can be nourished far more effectively with a bit of mess around, and that messiness lies at the core of how we innovate, how we achieve, how we reach each other, how we succeed.</p> <p>Harford says his book is "a celebration of everything we can't quite tidy up - of creative disorder, unlikely partnerships, improvisation and of course, messy desks.</p> <p>"We tend to be tidy-minded about a lot of things, we instinctively like structure and order. That's all very well if you're a librarian or bookkeeper, but all too often we try to over-prepare and over-organise in situations where we'd be better off tolerating a little mess."</p> <p>"A few years ago two psychologists, Alex Haslam and Craig Knight, set up various 'ideal' office spaces and invited people to work in them to see how productive and happy they were. It turns out that most people aren't super minimalists; they like a little decoration in their office - a pot plant, say.</p> <p>"But the main discovery Haslam and Knight made was that what really matters isn't how the office looks - it's who gets to decide it. When people had the power to control their spaces they were happy and productive. When researchers overrode their decisions they felt distracted and resentful.</p> <p>"The lesson here is that office managers should just let people have more control over their own space, even if that means it gets a bit cluttered."</p> <p>So how does the author of a book celebrating mess feel about Marie Kondo's bestseller<em> The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organising</em>?</p> <p>Harford says he's actually a big fan, and they are in total agreement on one thing: there's no point trying to organise your way out of an overstuffed situation.</p> <p>"If you have too much junk in your house then clever filing systems and pegboards won't really help you. Organisational systems, says, Marie Kondo, are a trap. I agree.</p> <p>"But while Marie Kondo's radical minimalism works really well for your kitchen or sitting room, it doesn't automatically carry over to managing a project at work or your email inbox. It's not that it's wrong – it's just that it's not directly relevant. Can you really manage an inbox by keeping only the emails that spark joy? No: we're talking about a different kind of problem.</p> <p>"And it's when you get into these areas of creative collaborative projects with a complex flow of information that I think my embrace of ambiguity, improvisation and, yes, plain old mess, can reap dividends."</p> <p>Harford says researching the book was also a sharp shock to him as a parent.</p> <p>"I realised I was depriving my children of the power to mess up their bedrooms - and that autonomy was much more important than a space that kept my inner neat-freak happy."</p> <p>Is he then a neat person turned messy or has he always been more on the messy side?</p> <p>"If you saw my kitchen or my bedroom, you'd say I was a neat person," says Harford. "But if you saw my desk you'd think it belonged to a different person - it's piled high with books and papers.</p> <p>"One of the things I learned writing the book, though, was that there's a time and place for tidiness and for mess.</p> <p>"In the kitchen I follow the familiar advice, 'a place for everything and everything in its place'. Works brilliantly for corkscrews and spices.</p> <p>"But that plausible-sounding advice just doesn't work for the typical desk of the typical office worker. We have paper and digital documents, email and social media all pouring in over our physical and our digital desktop, and we have to make sense of this stuff.</p> <p>"And it turns out that allowing some documents to pile up physically on your desk is often a more effective approach to sorting it than prematurely labelling it and filing it away before you really understand what it is - or even if you need to keep it at all. 'Piling' tends to beat 'filing' as a strategy for knowledge workers.</p> <p>"Fortunately my wife is like me - she's tidy in the kitchen and she has a messy desk.</p> <p>"Our children are, of course, wonderfully messy. But writing the book has helped me to realise that they need their autonomy and space to make a mess. I still make them hang up their coats and clear away their plates, but I don't make them tidy their room unless they ask for help with that.</p> <p>"The freedom to own your own mess is important."</p> <p><strong>Five little ways to embrace messiness:</strong> </p> <ul> <li>When your child disrupts your plans with a crazy idea, try to embrace it rather than shut it down.</li> <li>Write down six daring options for your weekend and roll the dice.</li> <li>Don't use slides for your next presentation; speak spontaneously about one thing that truly matters.</li> <li>Next time you make a mistake, tell yourself it was your intention all along, and work with it.</li> <li>Allow yourself a physical space where you don't have to feel ashamed of the mess.</li> </ul> <p><em>Written by Josie Steenhart. First appeared on <a href="/%20http:/www.stuff.co.nz/"><strong><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Stuff.co.nz</span></strong></a>.</em></p> <p><strong>Related links:</strong></p> <p><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/mind/2017/02/signs-you-are-ready-for-a-big-change/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>4 signs you’re ready for a big change</strong></em></span></a></p> <p><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/mind/2017/01/margaret-cunningham-on-time-to-do-nothing/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>In praise of doing nothing</strong></em></span></a></p> <p><a href="http://www.oversixty.co.nz/health/mind/2017/01/how-to-focus-on-what-is-important/"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><strong>How to focus on what’s important</strong></em></span></a></p>

Mind

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4 ways to cope with a messy loved one

<p>Household chores are often a battleground between “messy” types and “clean” types – which, if you fall in either categories, you probably already know. It can be a big source of discord among couples but it’s not just marriages – sharing a house with anyone be it a friend, sibling or child who has a different philosophy to you can be challenging and stressful. Here’s four ways you can alleviate some of the conflict.</p> <p><strong>Be patient</strong></p> <p>Realise that the person’s tendencies is a product of their upbringing, history and habit (not a deliberate attempt to annoy you, hopefully). It may be that the person prioritises cleanliness and organisation in a different way and therefore habits will take time to change. So don’t give into the frustration and be understanding if the person is trying to change.</p> <p><strong>Make a to-do list</strong></p> <p>Jot down the list of chores that need to be done – every day, week and month. Have a discussion and mutually allocate the responsibilities fairly. A lot of domestic duty conflict is down to not having worked out a clear division of labour so dividing it fairly will prevent anyone harbouring resentment.</p> <p><strong>Designate an area</strong></p> <p>Give the messy person in your life an agreed upon area to be their messy space. By creating common spaces and personal spaces (which the person is responsible for), this can eliminate much of the tension as the area is not yours to concern yourself with. Be okay with this area not being completely clean or clutter-free.</p> <p><strong>Talk about it</strong></p> <p>Talking through the differences is key to ensuring you are on the same page. Make sure you don’t initiate discussion on the fly but set time aside so you both can find some long-term solutions. Outline what is considered messy and clean to each of you. Explain the reasons why a clean space is important to you and be open to understanding their point of view too.</p>

Family & Pets