Use this easy trick to avoid awkward conversations
Let’s face it, meeting new people isn’t always easy. Making a good first impression is crucial, but if you struggle to connect to the person, chances are you won’t. So, if you want to save yourself from awkward situations at your next dinner party, there’s a simple trick you can try – the three question rule.
Leadership and management advisor Justin Greis came up with the rule after one too many frustrating conversations that seemed to go nowhere – that is, where person A asks the person B a question just so person A can then talk about themselves – something that usually proves completely uninteresting for person B.
For example, Robert and Kate have just met at a mutual friend’s dinner party on a Friday night. Here’s how their conversation is going.
- Robert: What are your plans this weekend?
- Kate: I’m hosting a barbecue on Sunday, so I’ll be getting everything prepared tomorrow.
- Robert: That sounds fun. I’m meeting up with my old work friends tomorrow and we’re going to see our favourite band. I haven’t seen them in years. One of them, Mark, lives in Melbourne now. He flew up yesterday with his wife. Then there’s James… [etc., etc.]
The three question rule prevents this type of one-sided conversation from happening, forcing the asker to really listen to the person they’re talking to. “The rule states that you must ask the person with whom you are engaging in a conversation at least three questions before you think about turning the topic of conversation to yourself,” Greis explains. “In doing so, you really let the person know you are interested, you care and – most importantly – you are listening.”
So, with this in mind, let’s go back to Robert and Kate and see how much easier the conversation would flow using the three-question rule.
- Robert: What are your plans this weekend? [QUESTION 1]
- Kate: I’m hosting a barbecue on Sunday, so I’ll be getting everything prepared tomorrow.
- Robert: That’ll be good, I hear it’s going to be great weather. What’s the occasion? [QUESTION 2]
- Kate: My birthday. It’s a big one… but I’ll keep the number to myself. I’ve got lots of friends and family coming from back home, it’ll be great to see them.
- Robert: I bet! Where are you originally from? [QUESTION 3]
- Kate: New Zealand, so most of them are making quite a bit of effort to come. I’ll have to make it up to them with lots of expensive wine, I think…
- Robert: I’m sure they wouldn’t object! I’ve got some old mates flying up this weekend, too. We’re going to see our favourite band…
You’ll notice the second conversation is a lot less one-sided. The rule takes a bit of practice, but once you’ve mastered it, you’ll become a much better listener and find it easier to connect with people.
Tell us in the comments below, what tips do you have for making a good first impression?