Humble people found to be more desirable when it comes to love
Single people are often given the advice to “be themselves” and to “get out there” in order to meet new people. But what if you don’t feel comfortable putting yourself out there? For most of us, our morning sojourn to the local café to pick up caffeine isn’t usually met with the request for the exchange of phone numbers from a gorgeous stranger. Most of us don’t have high self-esteem and for many, past hurts can leave us feeling a little bit fragile.
If you’re more modest than showy, more unassuming than extrovert – you’ll love hearing the results of this study. The Journal of Positive Psychology published findings that showed that successful dating doesn’t mean overinflated ideas on your profile about how good looking and interesting you are.
The study saw participants read the profiles of different would-be daters (which were in fact written by the researchers). In each, the subject was either projected as being humble or not humble.
The results showed more romantic interest in the humble dater. It also showed that those people already in relationships were more forgiving of humble partners than those perceived as being arrogant.
“Humble individuals are more other-oriented and the present research suggests that such individuals are also more desired as romantic partners and more likely to be forgiven following an offense committed in a particularly stressful relationship,” said the authors of the study.
But it doesn’t mean you should downplay the truth. The authors say that humble people are the ones with a more realistic view of their strengths and weaknesses; and they tend to want to give attention to others rather than try to bring it on to themselves.
So all of this advice to “love yourself” has forgotten the asterisk that tells you (in small, hard-to-read font) that actually super confident people are pretty painful to be around.
And the great news is that while not everyone has an inflated ego, we can all practice humility quite easily. Instead of talking about your latest beach holiday or promotion at work, try asking thoughtful questions about your date’s life. Say how much you like their glasses. Be interested in them.
This may just see you falling out of the “single” box and into the “in a relationship” one. If that’s a box you’re interested in of course.