How to navigate difficult conversations at Christmas lunch
Christmas is often a time when family comes together that may not see each other all that often. For this reason it’s often a time for having difficult conversations to flare up (or need to be brought up).
Whether it’s differing political views, financial woes or needing to arrange care for an elderly relative – these difficult conversations can be just plain hard.
How do you bring up the issues without offending or upsetting everybody? Follow our tips to navigate the waters safely.
There tend to be three types of conversations that can come up over the festive season when family comes together. There are those that are best avoided (‘So I hope everybody voted in the same way as me in the same sex marriage plebiscite?’); those that you need to have but find it tricky to bring up; and then those that arise naturally in the course of the season that need to be dealt with.
1. Conversations to avoid
Politics, religion, war – whatever sets your family members’ temperature on fire is best left away from the Christmas meal. If you’re the host, let people know upfront that you have a few ‘house rules’ and that these topics are off limits. Then you can quickly interject with a ‘not at my table!’ if any discussions start up that you know could end badly. If you’re not the host, you can always steer the conversation away by saying ‘I think this conversation is not suitable for the table, let’s shelve it for now.’
2. Conversations to plan for
Sometimes there are things that need to be discussed, such as making medical or care-based decisions for a sick or elderly relative. In this instance, it’s best arranged for a specific time post Christmas where the relevant parties (not the whole extended family) can get together in a calm space to talk. These are not the chats to have while carving the turkey, they are private and should be planned for in that manner. Again it’s a matter of interjecting if the topic comes up in the wrong space. Grandkids don’t need to be present while great aunt Josephine’s nursing home options are discussed, or when someone takes issue with their long-lost cousin’s will.
3. Conversations to deal with
Often the heightened emotion of an extended family coming together (and more often than not, alcohol) can bring up new or old issues that need to be dealt with. For instance a relative may feel comfortable enough to share with the group that they have been battling with depression or financial stress. In this instance, if appropriate, suggest taking the conversation somewhere private or arrange a time to have a proper discussion without any distractions. People often just want to feel as though someone is willing to listen to them, so they will most likely appreciate the fact that you care enough to discuss it while respecting their privacy.
Have you had to deal with some tough conversations across the Christmas table? We would love to hear how you resolved the issues with your family. Please share in the comments.