How to break up with a friend
Break-ups in any romantic relationships are one thing, saying goodbye to somebody you no longer want to be friends with is entirely another.
Unlike a regular break-up (well, at least some of them), nobody will ever see it coming if you're trying to break up with a friend.
It will always be a complete shock. If the feeling was mutual, the friendship would have naturally faded with time.
Firstly, it's important to identify to yourself when a friend needs breaking up with. Some people are toxic friends. They drain all your energy. They only talk about themselves. They leave you feeling bad about yourself.
These kinds of people shouldn't be given time in your life, and are the perfect candidates for a friend break-up.
Trying to let a friendship slowly dwindle to minimal contact, then no contact, is the ideal way to ensure nobody's feelings get hurt.
While not exactly something to be proud of, this can mean replying to fewer and fewer texts so they get the message, and repetitively not accepting invitations out.
If that doesn't work, like in a romantic relationship, you need to have "the talk".
You must do this in person or over the phone, never via any form of written digital communication.
Don't dilly-dally with small talk. Instead, open the conversation using the following type of phrasing (from least to most confronting):
"I'm glad you've been part of my life, but I don't think I can devote any time to 'us' anymore."
"We've grown apart, and I don't think our friendship is working for either of us."
"You haven't been making me feel positive about myself for a long time, so I think it's best we part ways now."
They will likely ask for reasons and more explanation. Try and make your response about you and your feelings, not their wrongdoings.
In saying that, do be politely honest. If somebody has hurt you, they need to know why.
Like any break-up, this isn't going to be easy. But it can be short and swift. You don't have to ask them to pack their stuff and leave, but you will need to ensure you don't bump into them for a while.
Written by Lee Suckling. First appeared on Stuff.co.nz.