Best marriage tips from divorce lawyers
When you want to know what can make a marriage last, turning to a divorce lawyer might seem like a strange decision – but as witness to the institution’s failures, they are the people who understand why relationships end and what factors could be at play.
Here are some of the best advice on wedded life from attorneys across the world.
Voice your concerns the right way
Divorce trial lawyer James Sexton said relationship killers are usually not the big, dramatic problems such as cheating, but the small issues that add up throughout. “It’s always those tiny discourtesies – that annoyed look on your face, that time you ignored your partner when they needed you, all those times you couldn’t bother to give that person your full attention,” he told Vox. “These are the small things that become big things over time.”
To address this, Sexton advised against bottling things up. Instead, call out what bothers you in the moment to avoid building up resentments.
Stay respectful when airing your grievances. Family lawyer Franco Pomare said one of the most common complaints he saw in his 30 years of practice was “I can’t talk to my partner as all they do is yell and scream and then we don’t talk for days”.
“There is no communication in yelling, screaming, name calling or the silent treatment,” said Pomare.
“Sure, you will win the odd agreement by such behavior – but in the long run, you will lose out when your partner finally says enough is enough and just walks out.”
Secure your own oxygen mask first
When life gets hectic and your marriage is in turbulence, it can be hard to maintain a clear perspective due to stress and frustration. “Those emotions can lead to dysfunctional behaviors that have a negative impact on your marriage,” said attorney Christopher S Hildebrand.
According to attorney Vikki Ziegler, this is when you should start taking care of yourself. Dedicate some time just for yourself outside of work, relationship and family. Allow yourself to do the things you’ve always wanted to do, be it going to the salon, trying a class or going on a hike.
“Don't forget that you are a person outside of this relationship with unique needs and desires that need to be fulfilled in order to keep you happy,” Ziegler wrote on PopSugar. “Don't make anyone else responsible for your individual happiness.”
Talk about the money
Discussing finances can be quite uncomfortable, and it is common to have one person end up making decisions and managing the money for both parties. However, this imbalance can turn relationships sour, according to family law specialist Sarah Bevan.
“As family lawyers, one of the most common complaints we hear from our clients who are separating is that the other person is secretive or controlling about the couple’s finances,” Bevan told Over 60. “That person may not intend to be secretive or controlling, but it is very common for the other to feel out of the loop, and that their opinion or input is not valued.”
Bevan warned those who are making the financial decisions in their relationships to still keep their partner in the know and run any proposed plans by them, even if they do not actively involve themselves in the day to day management.
Do you have any tips on how to make a marriage last? Let us know in the comments below.