Why “ethical wills” are becoming so popular
Rose Osborne, 67, was a registered nurse for 45 years before retiring to become a personal historian, owner and creator of Write My Journey, a life story writing service that turns memories into a beautiful hardcover book.
Ethical wills are becoming quite popular in Australia as they have been in America for some time. They are a celebration of you, the person, and I like to call them that: A Letter of Life Celebration.
What is an ethical will?
An ethical will reflects your values, life messages and dreams and may even include some ‘tough love’ or ‘building a bridge’ thoughts to your family and friends. It is a direct communication with your loved ones and will say all those things you wished you had said, could say, and need to say. It is the most important gift you can give and carries more emotion and personal significance than all your wealth and material goods.
An ethical will or a legacy letter is not a legal document, but is often kept in your private papers folder, by your solicitor or estate planner. They are not new and many references can be found in the Bible, medieval times and throughout the centuries. Modern day uses have no boundaries and cross all ages, ethnicities and circumstances and the practice has been mentioned as an aid to estate planning, health care directives and spiritual healing according to articles in business magazines and Bar Association newsletters. Even Barack Obama has got in on the act with an ethical will to his daughters.
Why your family will love them
Your family will love them because their content will come from your heart. The messages will rise from your soul and articulate what was important to you, and what you would say if your family was standing in front of you.
When do you give it to them?
The decision when to give it to the family is yours alone. Some will leave it to be distributed with their final Will and Testament or to be read as their eulogy, but there is a growing trend to share it at other times.
Some are having their letter of life celebration read at a significant birthday or family get together and having it printed as a memento. Others are writing a book for family distribution, creating a box of memories containing written documents, artifacts and USBs or CDs or whatever seems a suitable rite of passage for this important communication.
How are they different to life stories and biographies?
Life stories and biographies are about events in your life journey. They will talk about your joys and accomplishments, your everyday experiences and how you achieved your many challenges.
Ethical wills are more emotional and personal, reflecting values and integrity. Often families say, ‘I wish I had taken time to know the real person’. This is what an ethical will represents.
An ethical legacy is about giving your family the opportunity to know you and be guided by your wisdom and deeper values. It will give you time to explain perhaps a decision you made, clarify a direction you took or even to say you are sorry. It is an opportunity to say well-done and ‘I am so proud of you’. But most of all, it is an honest communication between you and your family or community and won’t be hindered by the rush and fast pace of life.
When should you write your ethical will?
Anytime of course is the answer, but people do tend to write them when they are facing a transition in their life or a turning point, that maybe due to illness, age or circumstance.
For you writing your ethical legacy will be a reflective journey on lessons you have learnt, the wisdom you have accumulated and the struggles and missed opportunities that saddened you. They will clarify and focus your life purpose and gather your clan together as a family unit that has value.
Why should you write your ethical will?
Reflecting on your life journey will give you a sense of accomplishment and completion knowing you have completed something that will support and nurture your family. You will learn much about your inner self, what you stood for and what has personal meaning.
How do you write your ethical will?
Ethical wills have no formal structure or length, so can be assembled in any way you choose. They can be formal or informal, a diary of notes and comments, a poem or a song, a video or audio.
An audio or video is a great tool
A smart phone is a great tool to create a video or audio. Making small videos as you sit reflecting on your life would make a wonderful gift or combining a video with a book or letter even better.
Writing your legacy document and then reading it in front of your video recorder is a wonderful way to ensure your family will catch every word.
How to start?
You could start by reflecting on your family and what life messages you took from them or you learnt from other sources, what were the most important lessons you learnt and what family traditions mean the most to you and why.
You can repeat that process with your professional life, your life experiences, your guiding principles and hopes for your future. Make notes as you go and take your time teasing all the points you wish to make. Unpack all your thoughts and examine them as to their significance, what influenced you in your decisions, what you would do again or maybe not repeat.
Now is not the time to be afraid to face your truths and ask yourself the ‘hard questions’.
Getting everything on paper is a great way to start the construction of your ethical will.
Some may prefer just getting it all out there, but others may prefer pre-writing and editing a planned document more efficient.
If you need help
If you need help, Write My Journey is always there to help you along in your journey to make a difference to your loved ones.
Here are some examples on my website to get you going.
OFFER: If you would like Write My Journey to write your life story, contact us for a FREE 15-minute review on your life story. Rose Osborne also does guest speaking to small groups on Writing your Life. If you want more information, read your way through my website, www.writemyjourney.com.