Parents’ beliefs about failure are crucial for kids
As grandparents we hope that our grandchildren will do well at school and become intelligent young adults. We can foster the love of learning in children by supporting them with a positive attitude towards failure.
While it may not come naturally, teaching kids that there are lessons to be learned from failure can set them up for success as adults. Research has found that parents who see failure as an opportunity to learn pass this mindset on to their children. Conversely, a parent who is anxious or upset about failure (such as a child not getting into a team, or receiving a low grade in an exam) will often have children who believe that intelligence is fixed from birth and that we can’t learn from our mistakes.
This negative view of failure by parents can cause children to lack motivation to try harder. They may feel as though there is no point trying when their intelligence is predetermined.
In the study, published in Psychological Science, researchers looked at the answers to a questionnaire answered by 73 sets of children and parents. They wanted to measure their mindsets in terms of failure, asking them to respond to statements such as 'Experiencing failure facilitates learning and growth', and 'You can learn new things but you can't really change how intelligent you are.'
The relationship between the parents’ and children’s attitudes to failure was clear. The parents who felt that failure was a negative issue had kids who viewed intelligence as fixed.
Beliefs about intelligence can both positively and negatively affect a child’s academic performance. Research has found time and again that splitting a group of kids who are of equal ability into separate classes (a class for the ‘gifted’ and one for ‘slow learners’), will give results according to the group they were placed in.
For parents (and grandparents), having a positive attitude towards failure (think ‘what can we do in order to get a better result next time’ rather than ‘this is a terrible outcome’) can have a profound effect on kids.
If parents can show the children that there are benefits of failing (such as ‘what can we learn from this?’) they will see it as an opportunity to learn, rather than something to be feared. Talk about times that you have failed, and how this steered you in a new direction or taught you something new about yourself. Discuss famous people that faced failure and ended up doing something great. Let them know that even if they fail, they should at least always try their best.
Have you got any advice for handling failure, and putting a positive spin on it? We would love for you to share your story in the comments.
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