New mum furious after mother-in-law holds newborn before she does
While it may seem obvious to some that a mother should be the first person to hold their baby after giving birth, this doesn’t always turn out to be the case.
One Mumsnet user has opened up about how she was left devastated after her mother-in-law held her baby before she did.
“I had my daughter six weeks ago. It was a traumatic birth and ended in emergency section. As they took me into theatre my husband called his mother as he was so shook up and just wanted some support. She is a doctor and works in the same trust as I was delivering in, although she doesn’t work in the women’s hospital," she wrote.
“She was able to obtain access to the recovery area with her work’s access card, and just let herself in without permission. I wasn’t asked if it was OK if she could be there, and because I was being stitched up on theatre still, she held my daughter before I even got to.”
The mum admitted that she hadn’t discussed her feelings with her husband but explained that they had both set boundaries for the first few days including a no visitors rule for the first day or two.
As her mother-in-law held her baby before her, she felt her decision was disregarded.
“I’m actually in tears this morning thinking about it all again, and so angry and upset still. I had a long recovery as there were complications during the birth and so have only just really processed it. I haven’t spoken to my husband about it, and wouldn’t want to make him feel bad by bringing it up now but I’m really upset by it,” she wrote.
The post garnered mixed reactions online, with the majority agreeing with the new mum.
“That sounds awful, and not one thing you have mentioned is right. She should never have been allowed to do all this, and know stuff about you. Have you spoken to your husband about this? Don’t blame him (if you can help it), his head was probably all over the place. Your mother-in-law used her privilege to get her own way by the sound of it, and it was unacceptable,” commented one user.
“The trauma of the birth has been compounded by your mother-in-law’s thoughtlessness, but don’t let it cloud your thoughts and taint this precious time with your little one. You might benefit from talking to someone other than your husband about it. He should apologise, but that is all that can be done, it can’t be changed now," added another.
Some suggested that the new mum should confront her husband for inviting his mother in rather than pinning all the blame on her.
“If you’re that upset then it’s your husband you need to be upset with. Your mother-in-law only did what her son asked her to. As a parent it seems natural she would support her child," commented one reader.
“I agree husband may have been all over the place emotionally, but he could have stopped his mom from at least holding the baby before you. But your mother-in-law basically barged in without consent, using her position and privilege," wrote another.
With the support of those who commented, the new mum admitted she needed to speak to her husband about the incident rather than bottling it in.
Do you think the new mum’s feelings are justified? Let us know in the comments below.