Why it’s imperative to share your memories with grandchildren
Who doesn’t love to reminisce about the good old times? Bring together family and friends, and you’ll often hear gales of laughter as everyone treads the well-worn path down memory lane. But sharing memories shouldn’t only be in the domain of adults as research is increasingly finding the process plays an important role in children’s psychological development. And for us? Well, it protects our memories as the birthdays inevitably fly by.
Memories connect us
Whether sad, difficult, funny or embarrassing, we share memoriesfor many reasons but they all work to strengthen shared connections, and help foster and maintain our individual and shared identities. Reminiscing about the past helps reiterate who we are – memories are not only a database of all your experiences but when you remember, you tend to think of what those specific memories mean to you.
And even when you share memories of days gone by with grandchildren who may look at you in puzzlement of how you survived life sans internet and technology, it all works to shape their identity. An American study by developmental psychologist Robyn Fivush asked teens to recount “intergenerational” memories – stories from their parent’s lives they learnt when their family reminisced together. Fivush found that the adolescents she tested could not only retell many of their parents’ memory stories like it was their own but most importantly, all the adolescents made strong connections between these “second-hand” family memories and their own developing sense of identity.
It teaches children how to remember
Research by developmental psychologists has consistently shown that the way parents, grandparents and other close relatives talk to young children about the past teaches them how to remember. Prompting children’s own contributions to a shared memory (for example, both telling the story of their birthday party from last year) helps their memory development and unsurprisingly, studies have found that preschool children who are frequently included in reminiscing develop strong comprehension, vocabulary and literacy skills.
It also has the added benefit of teaching children to navigate difficult and complex emotions. As we tend to remember and discuss emotionally meaningful events and experiences, talking through these memories with children help them understand, learn and decipher their emotions and memories.
It helps our memories as we age
Sharing memories may also help us remember as we age. In a recent study, published in the Journal of Applied Research in Memory and Cognition, researchers asked adult couples, aged 60 to 88 years old, who had been married for over 50 years to individually remember various events from their relationship. A week later, the researchers asked half of the couples to talk with their spouse about their memories and the other half spoke with a stranger. The result indicated that older adults alone trying to recall detailed memories had much more difficulty than older couples that reminisced together. Those who had someone to support their memories (and add forgotten details) could easily remember richly, detailed memories. But it’s not just beneficial for those who have a significant other; the research shows it’s how we talk about the past with any loved ones than whom we talk to.
So comes a family get-together share your memories, especially with the grandkids. It’s a gift and a uniquely human gift to give at that.
Related links:
Why you should write your parent’s biography
A guide to creating an oral family history
How to raise happy healthy granddaughters