Expert tips to keep kids safe online
Internet safety expert John Parsons says tackling the dangers teenagers face online means giving them control over their digital identities. He tells Adele Redmond how children can learn those skills.
John Parsons says some children as young as six are players of the game Grand Theft Auto.
Often their favourite part of the R-18 video game was shooting women.
"Women can be sexually violated, people can be tortured. If you are a parent and know your child is playing that, that's a failure," Parsons said.
"My concern is children playing this game at that age won't grow up with compassion.
"If they have compassion, if you raise them to understand how valuable they are as individuals, it doesn't matter what technology is presented."
In the last three years Parsons, an internet safety expert, has seen 40,000 people in community and professional-based workshops.
He said efforts to prevent "sexting" and "sextortion" – where teens were blackmailed for money to keep indecent images or information about themselves private – must be "values first".
Parents had a responsibility towards "ethical modelling" which taught young people to support victims and value their own identity, he said.
One of the barriers young people had talking to mum and dad when things go wrong, was sometimes their parents overreact because they are concerned and worried, Parsons said.
This overreaction could lead some young people not coming forward in the future and talking to their parents when things go wrong.
"Nurturing open lines of communication with children is very important."
Instructing children to avoid their scandalised peers was equally harmful.
"What they are teaching their own child to do, is not care".
Trying to protect children by sheltering them from online communication would not work, he said.
The relationship today's youth have with privacy can not and shouldn't be compared to the 1980s.
Children now grow up in a world where photos of them are taken and disseminated often without their approval.
"What we should be doing is having a conversation when we take the picture. Asking them; 'Do you like the picture, is it OK?'. The sooner we give them a sense of ownership and authority over their own identity the sooner they will become empowered to protect themselves."
In fact, stop posting photos of your kids on Facebook without their permission.
Doing so teaches them that their image is not theirs to own and control – a dangerous precedent when it comes to online paedophiles, Parsons said.
Instead, take photos of your child and ask them which ones they want to delete. No more baby-in-the-bathtub shots.
Allowing your child to create social media accounts before they're legally able can be detrimental as well.
"Many 10 or 11-year-olds make themselves 14. We have modelled that you can lie and that your date of birth isn't important. What's our excuse when a 15-year-old lies to get into a pub?"
Communicating online requires that young people strip out personal information and are mindful of the kind of images that they post.
"The first thing I would say is don't create this content that can be used against you. If you do find yourself in a situation where you have been threatened or abused online cease communication immediately. Then you have taken control of the situation immediately.
"Take screen shots and gather as much information as you can and take that to the police if it is serious or to a parent. But never tolerate or accept people treating you without respect. There is always someone that can help you."
Parsons accepted that modelling safe online practices could be difficult for parents who grew up without that technology.
But the care and protection given to children in 3-D space shouldn't be absent from the digital realm, he said
"The biggest change is going to come from what we model to our children every day. It's a lifelong journey and it starts with that modelling. It's raising a child to know that they need to control their identity for themselves. To raise them to have compassion and empathy for others and to support their friends when things go wrong."
John's quick tips for safe kids
- Become your child's friend on any social media network
- Teach them to seek permission before sharing images of family and friends
- Ask about your child's friends and social life as a way to reduce 'cyber-separation'
- Maintain open lines of communication and don't overreact if something angers you
- Familiarise yourself with online games your children play
Written by Adele Redmond. First appeared on Stuff.co.nz.
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