7 top tips to be a fabulous grandparent
If you are or are about to become a grandparent, you’ll love this advice on how to be the best grandparent possible.
1. Keep your personal issues to yourself
Sure you might have had a horrific birth, a baby who wouldn’t sleep, or you lived in a small cramped apartment that was actually bigger than your child’s current accommodation. None of this information is relevant to your child, and so you should avoid scaring them or giving them unsolicited advice.
2. Don’t complain about the other grandparents
No good can come from complaining about your son or daughter-in-law’s parents, so keep your opinions on their taste in kid’s clothes to yourself. Airing your grievances can lead to a wedge being driven between you and your child as they will feel forced to defend them. This is quite common when you are the paternal grandparents as quite often a daughter is more likely to involve her parents on a regular basis than a son. Remember there is room in the family for everyone and it doesn’t need to be a competition.
3. Be clear about your support
Many adult children seem to think that their parent’s support in terms of babysitting or childcare should be endless, so it’s important to be clear from the start. Even if you are retired you will have your own life to lead and relationships to manage. So be clear upfront about what you are willing to offer in terms of help, or at least agree to sit down to discuss it as the need arises. This will avoid any unpleasantness later on as everyone will know where they stand.
4. Find out their plans for parenting
Don’t assume that your child will parent in the same way that you did. Always ask about their intentions rather than assuming for instance that they will use cloth nappies rather than disposables. You can also brush up on things that might have changed, such as what foods are safe for different ages based on new research.
5. Don’t break any family rules
While there’s always room for an extra slice of cake or a later bedtime, be sure not to overstep any marks that are important to the parents. For instance if they have a rule of ‘no soft drink’ it would not be appropriate to give them lemonade every time they stay over. Nor would it be OK to let them watch programs that on television that their parents have deemed inappropriate.
6. Keep an eye on spending
It’s natural to want to help your child out with the expense of a new baby. But overdoing it can cause feelings of jealousy (from the other grandparents) or failure on the part of the new parents who want to appear to be coping (even if they aren’t). So be sure to speak to them in advance before whipping out your credit card, as it can save hurt feelings down the track.
7. Choose your battles
As a new parent your child is now responsible for a person – but remember that you are not. So even if you think the baby should have more blankets on or you think they are spending too much on the pram – keep your opinions to yourself. The only time you should step in is when you feel that the child is in danger – for instance if your child didn’t know that they had set up a car seat incorrectly for instance.
Have you got any tips for new grandparents? We would love to hear from you in the comments.
Related links:
How to find your balance as a grandparent
Parents’ beliefs about failure are crucial for kids
How to pass family history onto grandkids