What good listeners do that the rest of us don't
We all have people that we go to for advice or for a shoulder to cry on. But what makes them a better listener than other people in your life that you’re close to?
Being a good listener is a trait that is highly valued in terms of friendship. But did you know that you can improve the way you listen to others in order to form a deeper connection?
Here are some of the things that a good listener does that other people don’t:
They set aside time to chat
A good listener will give you time and space to be heard, without a lot of distractions getting in the way. So if someone asks you for advice and you are busy, let them know. Tell them that you are definitely keen to talk but you are a bit under the pump. Then make a time that suits you both for you to sit down and talk.
They don’t interrupt
If someone has come to you to talk, don’t make it all about your opinions. Often when we are feeling upset, we just want to be heard. It’s not about offering solutions right away; it’s more important to just listen to what they are saying and wait until they have finished before you start talking.
They ask open questions
Be sure to ask open-ended questions that encourage more conversation, rather than closed questions that require a yes or no response. Questions show the listener that you are hearing what they are saying and they also show that you are trying to find out more.
They think about how they would feel in this situation
Sometimes you can think of advice (if they’re asking you for that) by empathising with them and thinking ‘what would I do in this situation?’ You can then say something like ‘I guess if it were me in the situation I would…’ This is helpful to the other person as they may be so caught up in the stress of the problem that they can’t see clearly.
They make sure that they understand
It’s not only questions that show you are listening, but reflecting is another key skill of a good listener. This tells your friend that you are listening and trying to get all the facts straight. It makes them feel as though their worries are valid and that you understand them. You could try something like ‘So what you’re saying is that you feel as though you’re being overlooked for the role, even though you’ve been working there the longest?’
They use appropriate body language
For some people, it’s uncomfortable having a serious discussion face to face. In that situation, consider asking them to go for a walk or a drive in order to chat freely; or even visit a bar or café where it’s not too quiet.
Have you got any tips for what makes someone a good listener? We would love to hear from you in the comments.
Related links:
Why we dwell on the negative and how to stop
The secret to quieting a frazzled mind
5 wonderful things that happen when you start to believe in yourself