The one thing everyone needs for a better life
If you are in a good relationship, it can make you happier, healthier and less dependent on material things. It seems that those with a partner, family and perhaps even grandchildren tend to identify themselves as being happier than the singletons.
Robert Waldinger is a Harvard psychiatrist, and the fourth person to run the 75-year-long Grant Study since 2003. His popular TedTalk on the subject has received more than 6.5 million views since November 2015.
Waldinger believed that this was an important contribution to society. After all, the federal government had invested millions of dollars into the study yet most people didn’t know what had been revealed.
The Grant Study is an ongoing investigation into human development. It began by following every aspect of the lives of selected men from Harvard University in 1938 (including none other than John F. Kennedy). In the 70s it was merged with another similar study of young males from Boston, which allowed them to look at some interesting comparisons in terms of social status.
The study looks at the participant’s physical and emotional wellbeing, and more recently also includes genetic testing. Of the many results that have been gleaned from the study, the one that Waldinger felt has the most relevance to everyday people was related to relationships. Specifically, it was found that the men that were considered the happiest and healthiest had close and intimate relationships.
As part of Waldinger’s initiative to extend the study, he decided to speak with the wives of the men who were still part of the study (and now aged in their 80s). They wanted to see if there was a link between marriage and physical health. The results were clear. “People who are more isolated than they want to be from others find that they are less happy, their health declines earlier in midlife, their brain functioning declines sooner and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely,” Waldinger said in his TedTalk. “And good, close relationships seem to buffer us from some of the slings and arrows of getting old.”
Despite society telling us that a successful life means a great career, the accumulation of wealth, and potentially even fame – Waldinger wants us to get back to basics and realise that this won’t make us happy. People do. Real connections with other people give us the happiness that we all desire.
And it’s got to be good quality connections too. Not accumulating “friends” on social media or living out our years in an unhappy partnership.
Haven’t got a partner? Find ways to connect with people, such as joining a club or a volunteer organisation. Finding something you are passionate about can be a great way to fill that space in your heart, plus you might meet some like-minded people.
Waldinger has even been inspired to make changes to his own life based on the research. Instead of continuing to research and publish more, as is expected in his type of work, he has spent more time teaching, which he finds much more satisfying.
He also makes an effort to get in touch with people he knows who are going through tough times, even if it sends him out of his comfort zone. He is someone who knows how important that connection is to others.
“What we’d really like is a quick fix, something we can get that’ll make our lives good and keep them that way,” says Waldinger in his TedTalk. “Relationships are messy and they’re complicated and the hard work of tending to family and friends, it’s not sexy or glamorous. It’s also lifelong. It never ends.”
Related links:
6 important reasons why we need good friends
9 tips to help you feel connected to others