True love! Husband’s loving daily ritual for his dementia-suffering wife
After 68 years of marriage, Carl Gacono is as besotted with his wife Mary Jane as ever – but even their children didn’t realise how dedicated their father is to their mother.
The 88-year-old retired insurance salesman has been caring for 86-year-old Mary, who suffers from dementia, for the past eight years, adamant in providing her the care she needs so she does not have to go to a nursing home.
But their daughter Becky, 55, only recently learned of her father’s loving morning routine that includes arranging her jewellery and picking her undergarments.
She stopped by their home in Annville, Pennsylvania, one morning to help her mother so that Carl could go to a doctor's appointment.
“We knew he had a routine,” Becky said. “We assumed he was doing everything but everything down to the detail was what was amazing to me. It made me love him more if that was possible.”
“He reminds me to put her jewellery on after she’s dressed, explaining which one clips and which one fits over her head,” Becky wrote in Love What Matters.
She said Carl told her “don’t forget the bracelet with the heart goes on the left with her watch. The other two bracelets go on the right.”
Carl then chooses Mary Jane’s outfits and on the day Becky visited, Carl had picked out a turtleneck and a red decorative sweater. On the floor were her shoes with Mickey Mouse socks folded on top of them.
“Her under garments are neatly laid across the back of her waiting wheelchair. He explains each undergarment,” Becky wrote.
Once Mary Jane is dressed, Carl makes her breakfast and then they spend the rest of the day together.
Becky said her parents, who met while attending the same high school in New Jersey in 1948, always had a deep respect and love for each other.
She said that her mum has always been supportive of Carl and now her father feels like it's his turn to take care of her.
Although they have caregivers who help Carl and Mary Jane five days a week, Carl has made it his mission to help his wife cope with her dementia by continuing her morning routine like she used to do.
“Things that are different tend to rattle her,” Becky said. “She's more confused when things are not the norm.”
Becky said her family began noticing Mary Jane's dementia symptoms about nine years ago.
The diagnosis was devastating to the entire family including Carl and Mary Jane’s six children, 14 grandchildren and six great grandchildren.
“We could see all see that we're slowly losing her,” Becky said.
Becky, who has created a Facebook page to write about her experience dealing with her mother’s dementia, said she's touched by her father's routine and that the love he has for Mary Jane is beautiful and inspiring.