How to be truly happy in today’s world
Janice Killey, principal psychologist at Life Resolutions Kogarah in New South Wales, Australia writes for Over60 about how to find happiness in our modern world.
“There is a theory that searching for happiness actually prevents you from being happy. We run our lives based on many unhelpful and inaccurate beliefs about happiness, it can be a “happiness trap” –a vicious cycle that may be unattainable and therefore makes us miserable. Happiness can die unless held lightly. In most of the Western world, we now have a higher standard of living than ever before. Better medical treatment, better food, housing, more welfare services, more money, access to education, travel, entertainment, so why are we unhappy?
The evolution of our minds over the last hundred thousand years was to ensure we survived in a world of danger. Our four essential needs were food, water, shelter and sex to continue the species. The object was to avoid being killed. Now we worry about losing our jobs, being rejected, getting a speeding ticket, embarrassing ourselves in public, getting grey hair and son on. Just like our ancestors we want to be accepted by our group, clan or tribe. For them, it was about survival in numbers. We are also wired from early to get more and get better (for example, for them better weapons meant more food). For modern men and women, it's about more money, better job, more status, better body, more love. But we are seldom satisfied wanting even more.
Happiness can be described as feeling good. We enjoy pleasure, gladness, and gratification so we want more. It's a short term fix. Another meaning of happiness is living a rich, full and meaningful life. If we take actions on the things that truly matter deep in our hearts, move in directions we consider valuable and worthy, clarify what we stand for in life and act accordingly, our lives become rich, full and meaningful and we experience a strong sense of vitality.
By all means make the most of pleasant feelings when they happen, but if we have them all the time we are doomed to fail. We also have to accept we get sick, feel pain, lose valued relationships, have to deal with crises, disappointment and failure, which adds up to painful thoughts and feelings. What we have to do is learn to handle these situations that make us unhappy and still create a life worth living despite these setbacks.
Instead of chasing happy thoughts and feelings, focus on creating a rich and meaningful life which will give longer lasting satisfaction. Happiness is not just about feeling good, it’s also about life satisfaction.”
Janice’s top tips for leading a happy, contented life:
- Your personal values are a key to long lasting happiness.
- Follow your heart, work out what your values are, what you stand for, and live by those values. A value is a direction we desire to keep moving in an ongoing process that never reaches an end. For example, the desire to be a loving and caring partner is a value. If you stop loving and caring you no longer live by that value.
- Work out what your values are when it comes to family, intimate relationships, friendships, employment, personal development, recreation, fun and leisure, spirituality, community life, environment and nature, health and body.
- Set goals guided by your values. The goals will become personally meaningful and life more rewarding.
- Live in the present and appreciate what you have. Now you will feel more satisfied and happier.
- Open your eyes and notice things you've previously taken for granted. You'll notice more opportunities, be more stimulated, more content, and your relationships will improve.
- Avoid excessive expectations. Are your goals or wants too big? Break them down to bite size chunks. Are they realistic?