3 things NOT to say after being complimented
When you receive a compliment, how to you react? Do you thank the person giving the compliment? Do you go quiet? Do you shut them down?
We all respond differently, but experts agree the healthiest thing to do is accept it. Why? Well, according to relationship expert and author Dr Jane Greer, shutting down someone’s compliment shows insecurity and a lack of confidence.
“You aren’t able to claim ownership of whatever positive aspect of yourself that’s being addressed – your hair, your outfit, your talents and strengths,” she tells Prevention.
So, the next time someone compliments you, avoid saying these three common things and swap them for a “thank you” instead.
1. “Yes, my hairdresser did a great job”
Your friend is complimenting you, not your hairdresser, so don’t give the credit to someone else. The same can be said if you’ve done something nice for a friend, like making a photo album. If they compliment your effort, don’t say, “oh, Ann gave me lots of help,” or “it was nothing”. Simply accept the praise and say, “thank you”.
2. “Oh stop it, that’s not true”
When someone compliments you, even if you don’t believe or agree with what they’re saying, resist the urge to shut them down. Show some appreciation for them taking the time to try and make your day – it never pays to respond to an act of kindness by brushing the person off.
“The reality is most people are attracted to confident people, people who know their worth and value and respect themselves,” psychiatrist Dr Gail Saltz tells Prevention.
“So it behoves you to accept compliments in a way that you can incorporate into your self-esteem, and with a genuine appreciation to the person who was kind enough to offer it. It also helps to give you a realistic but positive view of yourself.
“At first, it really takes effort to change your reaction to compliments. You likely have to rehearse some ways in private to respond so you can more easily try them out in public.”
3. “Really? Do you think so?”
The person wouldn’t be complimenting you if they didn’t mean it. It’s not arrogant or narcissistic to accept a compliment rather than questioning it.
“Women are much more likely to demur at a compliment because they have been socialized to believe that being feminine means being self-effacing and overly humble,” Saltz explains. “Women often feel it's not polite, nor comfortable, nor likeable to acknowledge and embrace a compliment.”
Tell us in the comments below, how do you respond to compliments?