4 unwanted thoughts every carer has at least once
Looking after a partner, family member or friend as a carer is a demanding, often unappreciated job. Many people who find themselves in a carer’s role do so without much support, meaning that they can find it hard to take time off for themselves.
The thing to remember as a carer is that you are not alone. If you are having thoughts like the ones below, you are not a bad person. You are a human. Read through our list and see if you identify with any of these internal monologues.
1. When are they just going to die?
Yes, let’s start with that doozy. Watching a loved one suffer through illness can be heartbreaking, and often we feel that death would release both of you from the pain. Wishing that they would ‘let go’ and die does not make you a terrible, morbid person. It’s very normal to think these thoughts. Finding someone to speak with, whether it’s a psychologist or a trusted friend, can really help reduce the stress that being a carer can bring.
2. Nobody appreciates what I do
Many people under care don’t even realise that what you are doing is a selfless act of love. They can be caught up in mental health problems, or pain, and lash out at you or be cruel and bossy. The situation you’ve found yourself in has become one where you give and give without getting much back.
In this situation it may be time to put your hand up and ask for some extra support so that you can have a well-earned break. This may be other family members stepping in to assist you, a formalised paid carer coming in to offer you a chance to take time off, or just a one off break for a few weeks to go on holiday or do something for yourself.
3. It breaks my heart to see them like this, I don’t know if I can keep going
When you are caring for someone, it can be hard to see them in such a fragile state. Especially if you saw them strong and healthy in years past. Being a carer can take its toll on your mental and physical health, and it’s important to check-in with your own GP regularly. Carers are at risk of depression and burnout; so if you need to speak with someone about how you are feeling, don’t put it off.
4. All I do is give and give. What about my needs?
Looking after elderly parents can feel like a strange role reversal, and this role often comes with a lot of baggage from past hurts. It can feel as though you are being belittled, or that you can’t do anything right, and the chance of getting a ‘thanks’ for your hard work is minimal. In this situation, if you feel that the carer role is too much for you, it may be time to seek some help on a permanent basis. You can’t keep going and risk your own health. If it feels like there is a problem there probably is, so reach out to carer support networks, other family members, and find suitable care for your loved one to help ease the load for yourself.
Are you a carer who has had any thoughts like this? How did you cope? We would love to hear from you in the comments.