Is it ever ok to lie as a caregiver?
No matter how honest and truthful you may believe yourself to be, the fact is, everyone has told at least one lie in their life. Whether it’s something small like, “I don’t remember you asking me to take the bins out,” or a much more serious betrayal like cheating on a partner, we’re all guilty of being dishonest from time to time. When it comes to caregiving, however, is it ever ok to tell a lie?
According to a survey of more than 700 carers by AgingCare.com, 73 per cent of people taking care of ageing family members have lied to them – and 43 per cent admit they fib at least once a week.
So, what are they lying about? For many, it’s all about concealing how they really feel. “65 percent of frequent fibbers say that they tell untruths in order to hide their real emotions from the ones they're taking care of,” the survey found. And, given the vast array of emotions (both negative and positive) that caregiving can evoke, it’s not exactly surprising.
However, it turns out lying to the person being cared for isn’t necessarily always a bad thing. Researchers have found that “therapeutic lying,” defined as “the practice of deliberately deceiving patients for reasons considered in their best interest,” may be beneficial when communicating with sufferers of neurodegenerative conditions like dementia.
“While therapeutic fibbing isn’t appropriate for every circumstance, when used correctly, it offers a much kinder, practical way to stop troubling behaviour and reduce emotional distress,” Dr Amy D’Aprix writes in a column for The Huffington Post.
That being said, however, Dr D’Aprix admits there are some situations in which you should avoid lying – even it if it’ll make your loved one feel better. “It’s not appropriate to tell a therapeutic fib because “the truth will hurt.” In these instances, it denies someone their full human experience. So, when a woman with dementia loses her husband, she’s entitled to know. It may cause significant emotional pain, but grieving is part of the human experience. On the other hand, when therapeutic fibbing positively impacts health and well-being, it’s very useful.”
Are you a caregiver? Have you ever used “therapeutic lying” as a method of calming your loved one down? Share you experiences with us in the comments below.