Helping children cope with grief
The grief process is one of the most difficult journeys anyone can go through, no matter what your age. But when it strikes our grandchildren, great-nieces, -nephews and other young loved ones, it’s not only hard to see them in pain, but it can be almost impossible to know how to give them the right support. We spoke to Dr Lauren Breen from the School of Psychology and Speech Pathology at Curtin University about how to help young ones navigate the path of grief successfully.
So just what does “death” mean to kids? “Children don’t think about death in the same way as adults, but they are typically aware of it,” Dr Breen explains. “However, the depth of awareness depends on the child’s developmental stage.
“Young children are egocentric and could think that they’ve somehow caused the death, so it’s important to explain the circumstances, in a child-appropriate way, so that they don’t feel guilt or blame.”
When it comes to breaking the bad news, the language you use can have a huge impact. What you tell them at a young age can shape their attitude towards loss for the rest of their lives, so choose your words wisely. According to Dr Breen, euphemisms should be avoided. “Instead, it is better to say words like ‘died’ and ‘death’ rather than ‘gone to sleep’.” Children are stronger and more resilient than you may think, so don’t shy away from telling them the truth – as long as you do it gently.
In terms of the grieving process for children, it can be quite different to our own experiences. “Grief and adolescence are both transitions, so experiencing them together can result in anxiety,” Dr Breen says. “Children and adolescents typically continue to process the grief into adulthood as they develop their emotional and intellectual capacities.”
Maintaining regular routines and keeping life as normal as possible is essential, but you should always be on the lookout for warning signs such as changes in eating habits, sleeping patterns and behaviour, as these could be indicators that the child is struggling to come to terms with the loss. If you’re worried about their mental wellbeing, intervention is key. Talk to their school about organising a meeting with the resident counsellor or psychologist, or make an appointment with the GP, who can conduct a full assessment of their mental health and offer solutions.
Related links:
3 most important things in youth and old age
How to cope with grief and learn from it
8 things we can learn from children about getting older