Expert advice for helping loved ones through hard times
We all experience highs and lows throughout our lives, and how we deal with every tragedy and triumph shapes the people we are today. Thinking back on the difficult times you’ve had in your life, what was it that got you through? For most, it’s the love and support of friends and family.
So, when tragedy strikes them, the least we can do is return the favour. But where do you begin? Over60 spoke to counselling therapist Dr Karen Phillip for her advice when dealing with these sensitive situations.
“The best thing anyone can do is remain in touch regularly to ensure the person does not feel alone,” she explains. “So many of us avoid the person as we do not know what to say. Ask them what it is they need from you. It may be that you help with meals, transport, arrangements, medical appointments. Maybe it would help to go out with them somewhere nice like a meal or movie. Be there for them anytime they need you and over the months this usually becomes less of a call.”
There are a few phrases Dr Phillip suggests avoiding, however. “Never tell them ‘you’ll be right,’” she says. “Empathise with their feelings of despair or loss.” In addition, you should never simply avoid them or the topic of their heartache, either. “This can send the person into despair or feeling abandoned.”
It’s important to remember that not doing – or saying – anything to help you friend or family member through a rough patch says a lot about you, and could potentially damage your relationship. Even the little things can help them feel supported.
“Listen to whatever they are needing to say or discuss,” Dr Phillip advises. “Ask them what you can do for them, how you can help them. Be there for them, check in regularly, invite them out so they do not feel ostracised. Pop in to see them, spend time, help them get back to normal life when they are ready or after a number of weeks have passed.”
How have you helped a loved one through a tragedy? What advice would you give others? Share your tips with us in the comments.