6 things to stop saying to people with disabilities
As an able-bodied person, I am fortunate enough to never have experienced the prejudices, both conscious and un-conscious, that many people with a disability experience every day. I have, however, experienced other prejudices, and I think it’s important that those who aren’t a part of a minority do their best to educate themselves on what they can do to be more inclusive and respectful. To that end, here are some things that people with a disability would prefer others refrain from doing and saying.
1. Asking for specifics
If a dis/differently abled person wants you to know what their disability is, they will tell you. Until they offer that information, it’s best to keep questions to yourself – they likely don’t want their disability to define them, so don’t make them talk about it if they don’t want to.
2. Using the word “brave”
According to Paralympic wheelchair racer Anne Wafula Strike, calling someone with a disability “brave” is ‘very patronising. Don’t say this to me unless I have wrestled a tiger or a crocodile or done something extraordinary like fly to the moon and back. I don’t see how I can be inspiring by getting on with life.’
3. Asking about or suggesting “cures”
Cures are for sicknesses, which disability is not. Bringing up the subject of doctors or treatments suggest that there is something wrong with a person. A person with a disability is not broken – they are different from you, just as you are from every other person you pass in the street.
4. Backhanded compliments
No one likes a backhanded compliment, but they can tend to slip out more commonly when in conversation with differently abled people. Things like, “but you’re so pretty”, or “you look so normal” imply that anyone with a disability is unattractive or easy to spot.
5. Helping without asking
Being willing to help someone with a disability is wonderful, but it’s best to ask first. If your offer is declined, don’t be offended. Jumping in or taking over a task without checking first can be frustrating, not to mention rude.
6. Assuming that life is a constant struggle
Writer Mark Shrayber reminds people that even though he has been legally blind for his whole life, it doesn’t mean he is ‘constantly overcoming adversity. Sometimes I am just spilling Cheetos on myself.’